Developing Assertiveness

Skills
UKWF Conference
Fall 2008
 Developing Assertiveness Skills
 Understand your real contributions to the team.
 Describe communication styles that sabotage a
confident image.
 Describe non-verbal communication that sabotage a
confident image.
 Assert yourself through use of language.
 Accept praise graciously
 Develop strategies to build a positive self-image.
 Participate positively in performance reviews
 Assertiveness Quiz
1. Do you buy things you do not want because you are afraid to say no to the salesperson? 

2. When you do not understand the meaning of a word, do you ask about it? 

3. Do you feel responsible when things go wrong, even if it is not your fault? 

4. Do you look directly at others when you talk to them? 

5. Do people often ask you to speak more loudly in order to be heard?

6. Do you feel intimidated by people in authority?

7. Do you generally have good posture?

8 Do you know how to ask for help without feeling dependent?

9 If someone cuts in front of you in a line, do you usually tell them ?

 Explanation of answers to the
Assertiveness Quiz
1. The assertive person is not afraid to say no. She or he feels free to make choices.
2. The assertive person takes responsibility for getting his or her needs met. Fear of
seeming ignorant does not prevent the assertive person from asking questions.
 3. The assertive person takes responsibility for his or her own behavior but does not
take responsibility for the behavior of others or for situations which are beyond his
or her control.
 4. Direct eye contact is assertive and suggests sincerity, self-confidence and the
expectation that others will listen. 
5. An assertive person wants to be heard. 
6. An assertive person does not allow status to intimidate him or her.
7. Good posture communicates a positive self-image. When posture is limited by a
disability, good eye contact and facial expression can be used to express a positive
self-image. 
8. The assertive person asks for help without feeling dependent because he or she
maintains a strong sense of self worth and self-respect. 
9. The assertive person would state that he or she is irritated by the unfairness and ask
the person to move to the end of the line.
 Communication Saboteurs
The Inappropriate “I”
 Don’t start sentences that aren’t about you with “I.” These statements weaken you in several ways by
implying that blame lies with you or by implying that you are not sure of the facts you are stating.
 Don’t say: I have a problem with my coworker. He never gets to work on time.
 Say instead: My coworker rarely gets to work on time.

Get Rid of the Hedges

 You hide behind words and refuse to commit when you use these phrases. Avoid :
 “Well . . .”
 “In my opinion . . .”
 “Basically . . .”
 “I would like to . . .”
 “I feel . . .”
 “I think . . .”
 “I’m not sure, but . . .”

Tag Lines
 A tag is a short question added to the end of a statement or a command. Tags weaken your statements
because they admit doubt. Here are a couple of examples.

“This is the best proposal, isn’t it?” OR “That’s a good idea, don’t you think?”
 Saying “No” Nicely
 When you are confident and positive, you say no without being hostile/ negative.
 You have alternatives when you want to resist pleasantly.

Use the language of distance.

 “That task cannot be completed now.”

 Use the language of power.

 “Cursing makes people uncomfortable. Please don’t use it when I am around.”

Ways to Say “No” Powerfully

 “Perhaps a better solution is available.”

 “That solution doesn’t promise success.”
 “That solution doesn’t sound practical.”
 “This solution promises to be more economical.”
 “Let’s consider this alternative.”
 “The data doesn’t support this solution.”
 Accepting Praise Graciously
Accept and enjoy the praise and compliments that come our way. Doing so provides us
with internal rewards for our accomplishments and it validates the giver’s
perception of us.

Ways Not to Accept Credit

“It was really nothing.”

“I got lucky.”
“It wasn’t me; it was the team.”
“I worked hard.”
“I tried.”

Ways to Accept Credit

“Thank you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without your cooperation and support.”
 Participating Positively At Your
Next Performance Review
 Prepare for the review by collecting evidence about your accomplishments/goals

 Collect your thoughts and write out what you want to make sure gets recognized in the
conversation.

 Plan how you will introduce your accomplishments gracefully. Practice saying it out loud.

 Use positive visualization. Expect a great session. Assume that you will get feedback
that will compliment you and help you improve.

 Use positive body language to show your leader you are engaged in the process and
enthusiastic about your job and how to do it better.

 Take every compliment given warmly. Accept credit without deflecting it. Don’t make
your leader wonder if it was wrong to give you the credit in the first place.

 Accept constructive feedback with an open mind and ask questions that clarify and help
you improve.
 Shine
What does it take to shine?

Establish a signature personal style that is memorable and professional.

 Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.
 Don’t let casual Friday sabotage your professional image.

Keep your work area neat, clean, and appropriate.

 An orderly work area suggests good time management and organizational skills.

Develop a bit of a thick skin.

 Not every comment is a personal rejection of you.
 Take feedback as an opportunity to learn about yourself.

Be enthusiastic.
 Vitality and energy attracts people. It encourages your leaders to give you opportunities.

Show a bit of attitude.

 Attitude is about taking a stand, having an opinion and not being middle of the road.