Habit: 05

Seek First to Understand, Then to be

Understood
Principles of Empathic Communication
Lecture 08
 Introduction
Most people will want to be understood
first and then understand others later.
Seeing things from other’s point of view
can have a dramatic effect.
Most people will tend to want to be
understood first.
 The Meaning
You need to understand other first before
you start wanting other to understand you.
Listen first, talk second.
Understand other will have a big effect on
how you judge the person.
 Five Poor Listening Style
Spacing out: Ignore the one talking to us.
Pretend to listen: Pretend to listen to the
one speaking, but actually not listening.
Selective listening: Only listen to some
part of the conversation.
Word listening: Not reading between the
line.
Self-centered listening: Everything is in
our point of view.
 Genuine Listening
Genuine listening is when you actually try
to listen to what the person is saying and
take it to heart.
 Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears.
 Stand in their shoes.
 Practice mirroring.
 Genuine Listening Benefits
Itopen up the other person’s heart.
Improve relationships with people.
Able to solve problem easily through
communication.
Lesser the stress pent up inside by
sharing.
Listen with Your Eyes, Heart, and Ears
Do not listen with just your ears. It only
contain 7% of the whole thing.
53% came from body language and 40%
came from tone/feelling.
Try to understand their way of expressing
it rather than just merely hearing.
 Communication with Parent
Try to stop arguing and listen to their
story.
Parent too have worry and that can
sometime affect how they talk to us.
If you manage to understand them, many
good thing will occur.
Good Relationship with Parent Benefits
Betterfamily circumstances.
A happy life style.
A good counselor right at home.
 Seek to Be Understood
Seeking First to Understand is only half
of habit 5.
Seeking to Be Understood is way more
challenging since it require courage.
If you can understand other, then other
will surely understand you too.
 Feedbacks
Feedback is an important part of seeking
to be understood.
Only give feedback if it really help the
person. If not then it’s better to keep quiet.
When giving feedback, make the
comment a first person kind of comment.
 Benefits of Feedback
Improve yourself with the feedback from
your friend.