Frustration, Anxiety, and Conflict

What makes a person happy is quite different

from person to person, but what upsets us is a little
easier to define.

• Frustration: inability to achieve a goal in a timely

manner.
• Anxiety: Worrying
• Conflict: When two sides have dissimilar goals.
 Frustration
This can occur for many reasons:
• Lack of skill
• An achievement is not completed in a timely
manner
• You find that the goal that wanted is no longer
attainable
• Lack on money limits your freedom
Frustration in life is normal. When you become
so frustrated that you can no longer function, or
that you are so fixed on one goal that you neglect all
others, you are no longer frustrated, but have
become pathologically fixated.
 Anxiety
Everyone gets worried about something. Most
people realize that there is just so much that you
can do to control your world. Some outcomes are
out of our hands.
The healthy way to deal with anxiety is to turn
your attention to something else to take your mind
off of the object or moment. Once the event
passes, usually the worry about it does too.
Worry becomes pathological when you can’t
control it or it has no identifiable source.
Pathological worries are also rooted in a future
event: I might die, I might be left alone,
Someone might come to hurt me, the world might
end.
 Conflict
This is generally when two side have some kind of
opposing ideas about something that effects both
sides: taxes and welfare, Time spent together
versus time working for economic gain.
There will always be some kind of conflict in your
life. The key is to find a compromise where both
sides can get some of what they want. It is usually
impossible to get all of what you want, unless you
agree to fall on your sword this time hoping for a full
chance next time around.
• Compromise
• Negotiation
• Open communication
 Stress
This is not one identifiable thing. Stress is a
demand that is placed upon you by the environment.
• Major stress: a single event that is unexpected
that causes you to have to change or postpone
your goals.
• Minor stress: an inconvenience that delays work,
family time, income, or some other regularly
occurring event.
• Background stress: a recurring event that may
not directly involve you that, none-the-less,
inflicts some minor harm to you, your family or
property.
 What’s important to remember about any kind of
stress is your ability to cope is limited. Think of
your ability to cope as a “thing,” (a glass of water, an
hourglass full of sand). The more you are
stressed, the more that material is lost, and once
your ability to cope is gone, you lose control of
yourself, your life, and your goals.
Therefore keeping your coping skills in good
shape is very important.
• Keep a good sense of humour
• Exercise
• Have good family support
• Have trusted friends that you can talk to
• Be able to have some control over your emotions
 The Vapours!
During the 1800’s (and in some old movies) it used
to be common to see a woman get very emotional
(excited or very worried) and she would waft her
hand in front of her face. Eventually she would
faint. Why?
It was thought that there were gasses in the air
that, if you inhaled too much, would cause you to
faint. These were ….. The Vapours!
In fact, what was the real reason women fainted?
(Kiera Knightly in Pirates of the Carribean)
Doctors in the 1800’s believed that the source of
women’s emotional instability was the uterus (womb).
Therefore, if it were removed, you would make a
woman more calm: Hysterectomy – removing a
woman’s Hysteria
 Nervous breakdown
Even up through the 1950’s people talked about
having these. Do your nerves really break down?
No.
What they were talking about was a breakdown
of a person’s ability to cope with stress. A person
grew so worried, so stressed that they could no cope
with life, nor could they take care of themselves.
They were hospitalized, given medication and given
“talk” therapy. It was hoped that a person could
regain their coping ability and rejoin society.
It was not uncommon in the 1950’s and previous
decades. Does this happen as much today?
No. People don’t believe in it anymore.
 Bone pointing Ninjas
A man from Haiti left his family and came to
Florida, U.S.A. He was happy, but his family was not.
They went to a voodoo priestess and asked that he
be killed. The priestess put a curse on a piece of
bone wrapped in human hair. She then gave it to a
man to go and find the errant son.
The son who came to the U.S. did not really
believe in voodoo, but knew the stories. One day the
messenger from the priestess found the young man
(while he was at work). He said no words, but pulled
out the bone and pointed it silently at the young man.
Within 24 hours the young man who had left his
family to come to the U.S. was dead. What
happened?
 Belief in a concept
Although the young man had said that he didn’t
believe in voodoo, seeing the bone pointed at him was
too much for him to handle. He immediately knew
what it meant.
He didn’t want to believe, but had heard the
stories of voodoo many times as a child; and he was
afraid.
If you are in a state of extreme fear your heart
rate increases, blood pressure increases and the
body is under enormous pressure.
He was so fearful for such a long period of time
that his blood pressure dropped too far and his
heart gave out. So who really killed him?
 Dracula Comes to my door
In the early 1970’s Christopher Lee (“Lord of the
Rings”) played Dracula in a series of low budget
horror movies that were in fact very successful.
The actor was driving with his pregnant wife in
the south of Spain. During a late evening drive to
their next destination, his wife started going into
labour. They were in a very rural country area far
from the nearest city.
In a panic, the young actor rushed across a
pasture to a small farm house. Wearing dark
clothing and knocking on door in the dark the actor
waited for an answer. The door opened just a crack,
and before Lee could say what was going on, the man
who answered the door screamed, “It’s HIM!” and
slammed the door shut – in fear for his life.
 Some things make us more susceptible to stress
You are highly emotional

You already have a personality disorder:

• Histrionic personality
• Anxious personality
• Obsessive – Compulsive personality

It may be that you have a stressful life already and

simply don’t have the energy or coping ability to
handle any more stress than you have now.
 Locus of Control
Intrinsic: People who feel they have control over
their own lives seem to be more content than those
who don’t. They feel they have some control over
what happens to them.
“I make things happen” – they might say

Extrinsic: People who don’t feel that they have

control over their own lives often feel that
everything is fate, and nothing they do can change
that.
“Things happen to me” – they might say
 To Lessen Stress
• Be aware of exactly what the problem is
• Do what you can, but try not to worry
• Have a regular exercise plan
• Make time for yourself and family
• Be a better problem solver
• Be an active participant in your life
• When a problem comes up, seek advice right away
• Realize that there will be problems, but they are
not insurmountable
• Drug abuse is not an escape, it’s the start of a new
problem