Section B: Writing

8 Imagine you write for a magazine. Write an article explaining what it might be like
to care for an animal for the first time.
You should include:
• what might be enjoyable
• what might be difficult
• what they might learn from the experience.

Think carefully about the purpose of your article and the audience for whom it is
intended. Your response will be marked for the accurate and appropriate use of
vocabulary, spelling, punctuation and grammar. (30 marks)
Extract from Student Response 1
It is a lovely thing to have a pet, though pet implies something rather small whereas some would love to have a
pony. To look after any animal from a newt up to a pony is a great experience. First of all you are sharing your
space and life with another creature and this will create a bond; then you are the one responsible for its welfare,
so it makes you understand a lot about relationships. It helps us grow up to have responsibility, but in a fun way.

On the other hand, caring for an animal means responsibility and that has difficulties. Many people do not
consider the potential moral wrongs associated with pet-keeping. These vary from keeping them in an
inappropriate environment – birds in small cages, fish in bowls or small tanks, large dogs in small flats, for example
– to poor treatment, which in some cases can be very cruel (as societies like the RSPCA keep reminding us).

Some people compare caring for a pet with caring for a child. The similarities are you provide food and shelter,
you provide them with entertainment, and you take them to a doctor or vet when they are sick. You have to give a
child a room; and you have to give a pet a place to live like a doghouse, or a fish tank. Then you need to keep
them interested in life Parents of course play with their children, and children can play with pets, especially
rabbits and dogs. So you’d learn a lot about caring in general, and quite a lot of this would be enjoyable.
 It is a lovely thing to have a pet, though pet
This is a reasonable opening: is there anything
Point implies something rather small whereas some wrong with it? Can you think of a better one?
would love to have a pony.

First of all you are sharing your space and life

Evidence with another creature and this will create a A sound point.
bond

Exploration It helps us grow up to have responsibility, but Does this sound chatty in style? Could it be
& Analysis in a fun way. better expressed?
 Some people compare caring for a pet with Should this comparison be more qualified?
Point caring for a child. In both cases, for example, After all, they are not that similar. What do you
you provide food and shelter. think?

So you’d learn a lot about caring in general,

Development Is this the best way to end the paragraph?
and quite a lot of this would be enjoyable.

On the other hand, caring for an animal means A decent point, but could it be better
Point expressed?
responsibility and that has difficulties.

These vary from keeping them in an

inappropriate environment – birds in small
Conclusion cages […] – to poor treatment, which in some How could you strengthen this conclusion?
cases can be very cruel (as societies like the
RSPCA keep reminding us).
Is this a good response?
Good
The student communicates views quite
effectively (AO4). The writing is clear and
uses a range of vocabulary and sentence
structures (AO5).
Could be improved
Writing could be more perceptive and
subtle, showing sophisticated control of
text structure, skilfully sustained. The
student could be more assured in
applying a range of cohesive devices
(AO4). Student could use more complex
ideas with more extensive vocabulary
(AO5).
Grade
5/6
Extract from Student Response 2
Pets are great – they can be sweet, furry and cuddly; they can be entertaining, with their odd little bright-eyed
personalities (guinea-pigs and rabbits are widely agreed to be innately lovable); they can be impressive and
powerful, yet still charming and friendly, like dogs and ponies. With these of course, there’s the sporting
element – the running and chasing, the riding and even, for those daring enough, the jumping over fences.

Keeping pets gives many people warm companionship and great happiness. You share your life, you form a
relationship, and it’s satisfying to provide animals with a loving home and an apparently happy life. It is fun
playing with small animals – cuddling and cradling furry creatures, throwing balls and sticks for dogs, or tussling
with them. The true animal-lover will enjoy taking responsibility for a pet – will feel better for looking after it
and making it as contented as possible (though it has to be said that newts and fish don’t give a lot in this
regard). It is nice having one around.

Many people, however, acquire a pet without thinking the matter through. There are, after all, various things
that can go wrong if we don’t look after pets properly. They must be properly fed; we must check on their
health and look after their safety; trips to the vet may be necessary and these will be expensive; then there is
everyone’s least favourite task – cleaning out hutches, cages, pens, kennels, etc.
The fact is that the pet depends entirely on the owner to look after it in every way - to keep it healthy and
contented, to give it space to move. The larger the creature, the more space we need to give it. Dogs need to be
exercised but even goldfish deserve more than a little bowl. Right habitat – It is only ethical to keep an animal as
a pet if both the animal's biological and psychological needs are properly catered for.

We shouldn’t forget either that some animals kept as pets can be dangerous: rodents can bite; dogs might be
aggressive (the press occasionally reports horrific attacks on children); ponies can throw their riders. We need to
do some research before taking one on.

Whatever happens in the course of keeping an animal, pet owners will always learn much of value from the
experience, even if it is that they should never keep a pet again. They will learn about the needs of the animals
concerned: only by keeping an animal, in fact, can we come to learn about it fully. There is nothing to beat
hands-on experience.

But, and this is often not appreciated, we learn about ourselves too – that we can form a caring relationship
with an animal is a remarkable fact about human beings: we do not just exploit animals, we can also grow fond
of them. And the more we do care for them, the less we are likely to want to condone the way that we as a
species do exploit them ruthlessly. We can learn a profound lesson – that having the responsibility for caring for
another fellow-creature is rewarding, if we do it well: those who have kept pets might make better parents,
better human beings altogether, later on.
 Pets are great – they can be sweet, furry and
Point cuddly; they can be entertaining, with their The opening is lively.
odd little bright-eyed personalities.

… the running and chasing, the riding and

Evidence even, for those daring enough, the jumping Detail brings the writing alive.
over fences.

Keeping pets gives many people warm

companionship and great happiness. You
Exploration Variety in and balance / patterns in phrasing
share your life, you form a relationship, and makes writing more interesting.
& Analysis
it’s satisfying to provide animals with a
loving home and an apparently happy life.
 … (though it has to be said that newts and
Style Touches of humour can be effective.
fish don’t give a lot in this regard).

Many people, however, acquire a pet

Point Clear signposting of change of topic.
without thinking the matter through.

… rodents can bite; dogs might be

aggressive (the press occasionally reports
Development Useful detail shows thought and knowledge.
horrific attacks on children); ponies can
throw their riders.
 But, and this is often not appreciated, we
Point Clear topic shift.
learn about ourselves too.

But, and this is often not appreciated, we

Point Interesting new idea.
learn about ourselves too.

We can learn a profound lesson – that

having the responsibility for caring for
another fellow-creature is rewarding, if we
Conclusion Strong and thought-provoking conclusion.
do it well: those who have kept pets might
make better parents, better human beings
altogether, later on.
Why is this a better response?

Better
Communication is perceptive and more subtle. Task is sharply focused on its purpose
and the expectations / requirements of the intended reader. Sophisticated control of
text structure, skilfully sustained paragraphing as appropriate and an assured
application of a range of cohesive devices. The points are logically linked and
developed, building up an argument. Manages information and ideas, with structural
and grammatical features used cohesively and deliberately across the text.

Grade 9