Writing to Describe

9
Making the best opening lines of
novels even better
Sentence Variety

Objective: good
writing means good
sentence variety

The best opening

sentences for a
story…
 Think
5. Colon Clarification , Pair,
There was the faintest of sounds that seemed to touch the space Share
between the trees: it was my own breathing. Re-write in
15
  each of the 4 mins
6. Three Verb Sentence
styles…
The monstrous fungi billowed (rolling surging waving), swelled,
rose up and up, surrounding the base of every tree.
  A screaming
7. Not, Nor, Nor Sentence
comes across
Not a single animal, not the rabbits I had seen on the meadow,
nor the mice whispering in the grass, nor even the spiders and the sky.
beetles (insect) came so deeply into the forest’s reach.
 
8. Prepositional Push Off
Beneath the thirty or forty feet of the trees’ rise, the world
seemed to have come to an end.
5. Colon Clarification Feedback
There was the faintest of sounds that seemed to touch the space
between the trees: it was my own breathing.
 
6. Three Verb Sentence
The monstrous fungi billowed, swelled, rose up and up,
surrounding the base of every tree.
 
7. Not, Nor, Nor Sentence A screaming
Not a single animal, not the rabbits I had seen on the meadow, comes across
nor the mice whispering in the grass, nor even the spiders and the sky.
beetles came so deeply into the forest’s reach.
 
8. Prepositional Push Off
Beneath the thirty or forty feet of the trees’ rise, the world
seemed to have come to an end.
  Think
9. Never Did Than
Re-write in , Pair,
Never did a place so disturb me, than this alien, lifeless each of the 4 Share
place. styles… 15
mins
 
10. The Writer’s Aside Many years later, as
The familiar world, as you can imagine, was a million miles
away. he faced the firing
  squad, Colonel
11. The So So Sentence Aureliano Buendía
There was the faintest glimmer of light, so small, so distant,
it didn’t seem to exist.
was to remember
  that distant
12. The Big Because afternoon when his
Because it was the first patch of sunlight, the relief I felt father took him to
was edged with a little dismay.
discover ice.
  Feedbac
9. Never Did Than k
Never did a place so disturb me, than this alien, lifeless
place.
 
10. The Writer’s Aside Many years later, as
The familiar world, as you can imagine, was a million miles
away. he faced the firing
  squad, Colonel
11. The So So Sentence Aureliano Buendía
There was the faintest glimmer of light, so small, so distant,
it didn’t seem to exist.
was to remember
  that distant
12. The Big Because afternoon when his
Because it was the first patch of sunlight, the relief I felt father took him to
was edged with a little dismay.
discover ice.
 Re-write in Think
13. But None More Than Sentence
each of the 4 , Pair,
Share
But no creature more than this great bear would begin tostyles…
15
think that they didn’t belong right here.  mins
14. The -ed Opening
Covered with the darkness of the forest itself, the bear
seemed to carry the weight of the trees on its back.
15. Whoever/ Whenever/ Whichever Happy families
Whoever had been here before, whenever they had been are all alike;
there, the marks they left were almost swallowed by the
forest. every unhappy
16. Adjective Attack family is unhappy
Steep and intimidating (frightening), the sudden rise of the in its own way.
forest floor ahead of me caused me to pause.
 
 Feedbac
13. But None More Than Sentence
k
But no creature more than this great bear would begin to
think that they didn’t belong right here.
 
14. The -ed Opening
Covered with the darkness of the forest itself, the bear
seemed to carry the weight of the trees on its back. Happy families
  are all alike;
15. Whoever/ Whenever/ Whichever
Whoever had been here before, whenever they had been every unhappy
there, the marks they left were almost swallowed by the family is unhappy
forest. in its own way.
 
16. Adjective Attack
Steep and intimidating, the sudden rise of the forest floor
ahead of me caused me to pause.
17. End Loaded Sentence Q&A
After having walked for several hours, getting more and more lost,
only losing my way again and again, the choice of paths now just filled
me with dread.
18. The -ing Sentence
Having no possibility of getting back to where I came from, the way
ahead seemed suddenly less daunting (scary). Mrs. Dalloway
19. The ‘as if verb’ Pivot said she would
Then there was a sudden profusion (excess) of ferns (leaves, branches) buy the
caught in the sunlight, as if the forest was now a hundred miles away. flowers herself.
20. The As If Avalanche (falling snow, flood, rush)
It was as if the flush of bright green filling the glade (opening,
clearing)was smiling at me, reaching out to embrace me, beckoning
(signalling) me to come forward, wishing me well. Which
works best?
21. Three Adjective Punch
Fraught (anxious), tired, confused, I was no longer the same person who walked innocently into the For
Q&Aa
forest.
22. Almost, Almost, When
long
I was almost at the far end of the forest, almost free, when I caught sight, time, I
in the distance, of yet another huge stretch of dark pine trees.
23. Repeat and Reload went to
My plan to pass through the forest and to spend some time with my thoughts was both naïve (inexperienced) and bed
astute (smart): naïve in that I had no idea how the forest would absorb my thinking completely, astute in that what
I really needed was to lose myself completely. early.
24. Let Loose Sentence
There was a sudden warmth to the deep blackness that held me, the glossy
tree trunks, the criss-crossing of a million dark branches, the thicker
boughs barring my way, the undersides of the leaves obscuring Which
(confusing) the sun, and the crowns of all the trees flickering in the light best?
works
of a faraway day.
25. Simile Starter Q&A
Like a bird knocked out of the sky, I was thrown to the ground as
though for the last time. Which
26. Or & Or Sentence works best?
The rain fell in stops and starts, or else it drifted between the trees, and
small drops trickled along black branches, or slowly seeped into
everything, the rain slowly filling up all the black and empty space that
It was a queer,
surrounded everything.
27. Without Without
sultry summer,
Without a hope, without any idea of where I was going, I wandered the summer they
aimlessly but now with a lighter step. electrocuted the
  Rosenbergs, and
28. Adverb Snap (quick, instant) I didn't know
Thankfully, the forest would always be there for me. what I was doing
in New York.
1. Comma Sandwich 9. Never Did Than  19. The ‘as if verb’ Pivot
   
2. More, More, More 10. The Writer’s Aside 20. The As If Avalanche Model
Sentence / Less, Less,  
Less Sentence 11. The So So Sentence 21. Three Adjective Punch
     
3. Comparative, 12. The Big Because 22. Almost, Almost, When Shared
More, More Sentence     Writing
13. But None More Than 23. Repeat and Reload
Sentence  
4. Semi-colon Split   24. Let Loose Sentence
5. Colon Clarification 14. The -ed Opening   Adapt one of the
  25. Simile Starter
6. Three Verb 15. Whoever/ Whenever/  
novel opening
Sentence Write a description
Whichever
based sentences and
26. Or & Or Sentence
7. Not, Nor, Noron this picture:
    continue the opening
Sentence 16. Adjective Attack 27. Without Without – opting for different
  sentence shapes with
8. Prepositional Push 17. End Loaded Sentence 28. Adverb Snap
Off each new sentence.
18. The -ing Sentence
 Plenary

If good writing
means good
sentence variety…
…what makes the
best opening
sentence for a
story?