FADE IN: EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT A group of CONSTRUCTION WORKERS chillin during their lunch break.

Sandwiches on shitty bread and water bottles. CONSTRUCTION WORKER 1 How much longer you think well be out here? The boss girl will be waiting for me at my place. Bullshit. CONSTRUCTION WORKER 2

CONSTRUCTION WORKER 1 I got pics on my phone. Some dirt stirs nearby. Too much. Like somethings moving it. It catches the attention of the group. Weird. The dirt scatters, something is definitely moving it. As if a force tries to make its way up. Fright its in the guys eyes. Theyre bugging out, what the hell? CONSTRUCTION WORKER 2 No way I sticking around for whats moving under there. A few guys leave. Two RANDOM WORKERS hover over the dirt. RANDOM WORKER 1 You think someone fell asleep? RANDOM WORKER 2 Fuck no, this sites been closed for years. Surprise! Someone pops out. Its the hillbilliest motherfucker youve ever seen. Dark hair, goatee, cheap ass flannel shirt. Its MAYNARD. And hes a ZOMBIE. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Goddamn, its been a long time. Zombie Maynard looks like hell. Zombie life has been tough. RANDOM WORKER 2 Sir, what the hell were you doing down there? You okay?

2. ZOMBIE MAYNARD

I am now.

Zombie Maynard lunges toward Random Worker 1, takes a HUGE BITE of his arm. Yum. Shit! RANDOM WORKER 1

With zombie quickness (which is pretty fucking slow), Maynard GRABS the other petrified Worker and pins him to the ground. RANDOM WORKER 2 HELP! HELP! ZOMBIE MAYNARD Shut the fuck up. Maynard HEADBUTTS the shit out of his victim. ZOMBIE MAYNARD (CONTD) Zed. Zed. Zed! About 10 feet from this skirmish some dirt moves. ZED, the man rapist, blue cop uniform and all, rises from the dead. ZOMBIE MAYNARD (CONTD) The spider just caught a coupla flies. ZOMBIE ZEDs frightening face doesnt seem that scary since hes RUBBING HIS JUNK like its on fire. Nice. ZOMBIE ZED

Zed studies Maynards odd features. Zeds hand hugs his crotch. ZOMBIE ZED (CONTD) Maynard ... how come youre all beat up? ZOMBIE MAYNARD I aint beat up. Maynard gets up, inspects his disgusting skin. Zed does the same. The two zombies eye each other. Theyre both surprised at each others faces. ZOMBIE MAYNARD (CONTD) What the fuck is goin on?

3. ZOMBIE ZED I aint fer sure yet ... Wait. Wheres The Gimp? Maynard instinctively beelines toward a mound of dirt. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Get up! Come on now! THE GIMP burrows his way up. Somehow, The Gimps a zombie too. His leather get-ups all cut. Hes even more hideous than normal. ZOMBIE GIMP Hmprh, hmm. Hmmmmmmmmmm! Zed looks around. Nobody. He comes right behind The Gimp. Wraps his arm around his neck. Theyre a little too close. ZOMBIE ZED Stand watch. Zed loosens his belt. Its go time. A mob of construction workers return. Theyre pissed. Instead of flames and pitchforks, they got bare knuckles and short tempers. ZOMBIE ZED (CONTD) Fuckin a. Maynard, we gotta pound some ass before we get to pound their asses. Zed clutches The Gimps chest. ZOMBIE ZED (CONTD) Lets go, big boy. The three zombies BEAT THE SHIT out of their attackers. Two guys try to tackle Maynard, but he STUFFS them with one arm. He KICKS another victim with infinitely more force than a BRUCE LEE ROUNDHOUSE. Zed takes on two guys, CLOTHESLINING both of them WWF style. The Gimp is surprisingly nimble, punching out guys with the NINJA QUICKNESS. Both Random Workers wake from their daze. They see the massacre and desperately try to fight the overpowering zombies.

4. ZOMBIE MAYNARD No you dont. Maynard swings wildy. He misses. Its the Radom Workers chance! Random Worker counter-punches with all his might. It. Doesnt. Do. Shit. Got ya. ZOMBIE MAYNARD (CONTD)

Maynard nabs the poor guy. Caves his fucking head in like a beer can. The other Random Worker smartly scrams. Now what? ZOMBIE ZED

ZOMBIE MAYNARD Were strong. Lets find some new flies. All three of them sprint toward a neighborhood off in the distance. Maybe a few blocks away. EXT. NICE NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT THREE HOURS LATER. The zombies sprint was actually a fast limp. Theyre in front of a fancy house. ZOMBIE ZED I crave ass. Me too. ZOMBIE MAYNARD

ZOMBIE GIMP Hmmmmpphh, hmmmpprrrrr. Shut up. ZOMBIE ZED

Zed headlocks The Gimp, leads him into the house. INT. FANCY HOUSE - NIGHT Zed and The gimp snail their way in. Maynard follows. GUESTS stare at the threesome.

5. GUEST 1 Is this vintage? ZOMBIE ZED Were modern, motherfucker! Zed LEAPS toward the Guest. And misses his target. The legs still arent spry enough. GUEST 1 My gosh. Do you need antibiotics? ZOMBIE ZED I need meat! CHOMP. Zed takes a chunk of the Guests leg. The Guest HOWLS. An OLD BALDING GUY steps up, acts tough. OLD BALDING GUY Get out, you scoundrels! ZOMBIE MAYNARD You cant stop us. Maybe a stake in the heart. Or sunlight. ZOMBIE ZED (chewing on ankle) Idiot! Were zombies, not vampires. We want brains, not blood. Zed PULLS the Guest down, BITES into his head. Oh, God! GUEST 1

ZOMBIE ZED God cant help you now. Dinner time. Brain on the menu. Blood erupts like a water fountain. The party people completely shocked. A LADY faints. Two OLD TIMERS throw up. Many call the police. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Uh, Zed, how we gonna get ass if we keep eatin other body parts?

6. INT. FANCY HOUSE - LATER - NIGHT Zed and Maynard finish off the last of the brains. The Gimp is restless. He points at the brains. Over and over. ZOMBIE GIMP HMMMPP. HURMMPPPPPP! HURRRR! Fuck em. ZOMBIE ZED

The Gimp shakes violently. He RIPS his leather off. All of it except his mask. The Gimps naked. He reaches toward his mask, clawing. The Gimp keeps shaking. Crazy fast. Shut up. ZOMBIE ZED (CONTD)

ZOMBIE GIMP Hurmmmppppp! Huuuurmmmpppppppppppppp! Hes done for. The Gimp COMBUSTS, exploding into a million billion pieces. ZOMBIE MAYNARD What the fuck he do that fer? ZOMBIE ZED Gimp ... damn. A hard KNOCK on the door. POLICEMAN (O.S.) Police. Open up. Maynard laughs. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Nobodys home. The door flies open. Four cops walk in. TOUGH MOTHER COP What the fuck is going on in here? What the fuck are you doing? Zed and Maynard get to their feet.

7. ZOMBIE ZED Waiting for seconds. Lets get em, Maynard. The cops pull their guns. They UNLOAD their clips into the two zombies. ZOMBIE ZED (CONTD) Fuck. That hurts. Amazingly, the cops are out of bullets. Zed and Maynard in bad shape. They resemble ground hamburger. TOUGH MOTHER COP Lets leave these junkies. ZOMBIE ZED (catching his breath) We aint junkies. Were zombies. TOUGH MOTHER COP (turns to the other cops) Theyre junkies, all right. Strong stuff, how are they still alive after all those bullets? The zombies dont have much strength. Theyre pretty limp. TOUGH MOTHER COP (CONTD) Cuff them. Use a couple of pairs for each one. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Were going to jail, Zed. ZOMBIE ZED Fuck, I know. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Thats a good thing. Theres ass there. ZOMBIE ZED Fuck, your right. And everyone has a brain. They get cuffed. ZOMBIE ZED (CONTD) Thank you, officers. COP 2 One of them has a badge.

8. ZOMBIE ZED Pay no attention. Take us in. ZOMBIE MAYNARD Were gonna be ass deep in ass! TOUGH MOTHER COP Get these jive motherfuckers out of here. The police escort the torn-up zombies out. Zed and Maynard each have MASSIVE SMILES. They know their goal will soon be achieved.