POWERREPORt3

The 10-MinuTe SeducTion

Many things run through a womans mind when you first meet. Heres how to quickly go from hello to oh my. Push out air with your diaphragm, not your throat. This lengthens the column of air moving past your vocal cords. Its like a built-in subwoofer, says voice coach Joanne Joella.

Your approach
Her brain quickly vets your height and facial symmetry the moment you meet. Now convince her of your character. Approach confidently; dont pretend to bump into her. Men tend to talk to each other at angles to avoid confrontation, says Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love. But women face each other headon and maintain eye contact.

Your Icebreaker
Say something that will draw out details about her. Your friends seem nicehow did you get to know them? is a compliment and a window into her past. Forming a bond will release dopamine, a mood booster in her brain. Show off your interest with verbal nods of agreement (Uh-huh, Go on), adds Alex Pentland, Ph.D., an MIT professor who designed software that assesses whether speed daters are feeling sparks.

Your IntroductIon
A good handshake isnt a shortcut to her bed, but a bad one can doom you. Hands are loaded with tactile nerves, and in a University of Alabama study, people with weak, clammy handshakes were perceived as shy and neurotic. So hold your drink in your left hand, and give her a firm but not bone-crushing grasp. Pay attention to her grip as well: The same study showed that women who give firmer handshakes tend to be more adventurous.

Your conversatIon
We all know to ask lots of questions and avoid flat-out boasting. But dont sell yourself short. Women listen very carefully for signs of status and wealth, says Fisher. Keep any references to financial or personal success oblique, thoughlet her curiosity draw out the details. Another crucial conversation tip: Talk at the same pace she does, and shell consider you intelligent, kind, confident, and ambitious, according to a University of Maryland study.

Your voIce
The most attractive women prefer deep-voiced men, according to a study

How to meet Her and win Her, and wHat to do witH Her

by Scottish researchers. It suggests high testosterone levels, a sign of strength and reproductive prowess.

Your bodY Language

Attraction causes couples to mirror each others body language. But dont

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D At I N G A N D S E D U C t I O N

be overeager to connect. Stay relaxed,

A single glance across a crowded bar could simply be a womans way of beating boredom. Use this test: Ask a buddy to keep an eye on her while you go to the jukebox. If she looks up when you pass or leans in to a friend to whisper, shes probably interested. The next signal she sends is her paw to your jaw.

solid oxford. And once youre at the watering hole, hit neutral nooks alone: the pool table, the patio, or the other side of the bar.

change Your luck

Ever walk into a bar and fall in lust with seven women at once? Easy, big fella. Researchers at Northwestern University studied speed-dating sessions and found that people who desired most or all of their potential dates were the least likely to find a match. People can pick up on indiscriminate desire, and it turns them off, says study coauthor Paul Eastwick, Ph.D. Conversely, when someone clearly desired one individual above all others, that individual was more likely to reciprocate. In normal dating scenarios, make the most of those opening minutes with a woman with a compliment tailored to her, Eastwick suggests. Refer to the real her (style or personality), not the superficial (jewelry or smile).

and let her set the tone, says Lisa Clampitt, founder of the Matchmaking Institute. Fidgeting conveys nervousness and triggers the empathetic release of stress chemicals in her brain. Once she brushes your shoulder or thigh, reciprocate within a minute or two, Fisher says. Or touch her inner forearm, a nerve-rich zone that will create sparks.

snow Leopard
The maTing dance: A few

swats, a tackle,

some bloody clawing: Play fighting helps the snow leopard create sexual tension and demonstrate strength.
The lesson: Being

baboon
The maTing dance: Baboons become ner-

a pushover wont

vous and shy when they encounter a po-

further her attraction, says Levine. Create friction with some playful verbal sparring: If you find her list of favorite books ridiculous, rebut with your own. If she rags on your music selection, snap back about her stack of Star magazines. The sexual tension will feed her desire for you, says Levine. Without it, things will fizzle.

Your deaL cLoser

If youve made the right sort of first impression, she might be wondering how you are in bed. Consciously or not, says Fisher, shes looking for signs that youre patient and sensitive to the ways her body finds pleasure. So talk her through the jukebox options. Handle the darts delicately. Call out the scent notes of a bottle of wine. Show refined tastes in these areas, and shell suspect you have others worth exploringback at her place.

tential mate, says Barbara Smuts, Ph.D., author of Sex and Friendship in Baboons.
The lesson: Strike

the right pose. Sig-

nal that youre sufficiently moved by her presence, but exude confidence as well, says David Givens, Ph.D., director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies. Stand up straight, chest out; keep eye contact, and slip your hands into your pockets a few times as youre talking. This gesture shouts strength and a bit of vulnerability, Givens says.

gorILLa
The maTing dance: The

patient male

makes it clear hes ready to rumble, but he leaves it up to her to make the mating move.

cuttLefIsh
The maTing dance: When

on the prowl,

The lesson: Leave

her wanting more.

BooST Your AniMAl MAgneTiSM

Courtship in the wild is more Sadie Hawkins than seize-and-conquer, says Dan Wharton, Ph.D., director of the Central Park Zoo, in New York City. Its a scientific tenet that mate selection is almost always female driven, he says. Weve plucked the wildest wilderness moves for this mating-game cheat sheet. Go get em, tiger.

he swims solo toward a potential mate and flashes his skin patterns to assert his masculinity. lioness might
The lesson: Break

Start with the postdate callback. Its not when you say it, but how and what you say that counts. Send her a short text: Great time last night. Call me if you want to do it again. Youll send the right message but add a dose of uncertainty. Anxiety increases the dopamine in her brain, which heightens the feeling of romantic love, says Fisher.

LIon
The maTing dance: The

away from the pack.

signal interest with a paw to the jaw of her prospective king. If the lion approaches before he gets the green light, she bolts.
The lesson: Learn

Too much testosterone can be a major turnoff for women, says Janice R. Levine, Ph.D., author of Why Do Fools Fall in Love? To stand out, start by sartorially outflanking your posse. If they dress down, throw on a blazer. If they tend toward stripes, button up a crisp,

her cues. If a male

lion tries to take any shortcuts, its a turnoff, says Wharton. Sound familiar?

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D At I N G A N D S E D U C t I O N

TAlk her cloTheS off

The way to a womans bedroom is through her ears. Thats because for most women, chatting about relationships is as much fun as having them. To have a rich, full, naked relationship with a woman, you have to participate in this sort of chatter. And that can be a problem. You try your bestasking good questions, giving solid answers, and making her laugh. But there are a few difficult conversations that men still tend to screw up. Thats about to change. Here is your guide to four of the trickiest relationship talks. Say the right thing, and your relationship will be richer, fuller, and more naked than ever. And thats worth talking about.

The e-mails That Turn her on

How many women have you Heres how 500 women rated the hotness of these middle-of-the-day e-mails on a scale GROaN MOaN of groan to moan.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

the std taLk

she asks:

slept with?
You answer: Thirty-six. Why thats a mistake:

WhaTS yOUR RECORD fOR ORGaSMS? I WaNT TO bREak IT. yOU GET a baCk RUb TONIGhT. a lONG ONE. I jUST REalIzED hOW MUCh I lOvE yOU. haD TO TEll yOU. IM lOOkING aT yOUR PhOTO. CaREfUl, I jUST UNDRESSED yOU WITh My EyES. DO yOU kNOW hOW SWEET yOUR aSS lOOkED IN ThOSE jEaNS ThIS a.M.? I WaNT TO DO IT all NIGhT lONG. I RESERvED OUR REGUlaR TablE. ThE lINGUINE yOU lOvE IS ThE SPECIal. MEET ME ON ThE kITChEN TablE aT 6:15.

She wasnt really

asking how many women youve slept with. She was asking if youve ever been tested for sexually transmitted diseases. But now that youve answered truthfully, shell be sure to hold it against you.
What to say instead:

Im not into keeping

score, but if youre worried about STDs, I was tested last monthor whatever the reality isand if itll make you feel better, Ill see my doctor next week. Then go through with it. The more proactive you are, the more comfortable shell be and the better the sex will be.

the MoneY taLk

she asks: Do

the rooM-to-breathe taLk

she says:

you like my new shoes? she didnt need

I need some space. Have a nice life.

the bIrth controL taLk

You answer: You really need more shoes? Why thats a mistake: No,

You answer:

moves That melt

Heres how women rated a range of seduction moves on a scale of 1 to 10. Their top picks: 1. Pinning me against the wall for a lengthy make-out session 9.8 2. Touching and kissing me everywhere but the place I want it most 9.3 3. Saying my name in bed 8.9

she asks: Did

you bring a condom? think youre

Why thats a mistake: When a woman asks

You answer: Why dont you go on the Pill? Why thats a mistake: You

another pair of shoes, just like you didnt need an iPhone. But shes modeling them for you now, so get over it.
What to say instead: They

for space, shes not dumping you. She just wants a few days to herself. Or shes testing you to see how invested you are in the relationship. If you bolt, you fail.
What to say instead: Take

being honest and direct. She thinks youre being selfish. Anger ensues. Sex doesnt.
What to say instead: Do

look great

on you. Then gently remind her about you like how that trip youre both saving for. What leads to fighting is not being clear about financial goals, says Sharon Epperson, author of The Big Payoff. If you havent agreed on what youre saving for yet, take this as a sign you should start. Go over your budget at the start of every month. Along with long-term goals, it needs room for pleasure purchases like shoes and iStuff.

as much space

as you need. Chances are shell clear her head, miss you, and end up calling within a week. During that time, put your thoughts about the relationship the good and bad, and where you see it goingin a letter. She may not come running back to you, but at least youll have started the conversation.

sex feels when Im wearing a condom? Take her answer as a jumping-off point to share your preferences. Shes not likely to say, What a great idea. Ill see my gynecologist tomorrow. So be willing to shelve this discussion for a few monthsand to try various types of condomswhile she determines whether youre Pill-worthy.

4. Aggressive but playful kissing, like nibbling on my lower lip or earlobe 8.6 5. Slowly roaming my body with his fingertips 8.4

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