Running head: CLOUD & TOWNSEND

A Theory Critique of Counseling Model Boundaries in Marriage Theology and Spirituality in Counseling Carid Baez Prieto Liberty University

2 CLOUD & TOWNSEND A Theory Critique of Counseling Model Boundaries in Marriage Summary In their book, Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend presents theory model for cultivating a healthy marriage. Establishing that marriage is first and foremost about love (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p.9). According to Cloud and Townsend (1999) a boundary is in the simplest sense isa property ( ). Boundaries are important because when (_

Cloud and Dr. Townsend affirms that boundaries needs to be present in order for a marriage to flourish.

Boundaries define our identity as individuals, serving also as a guideline for establish our relationships. The personal boundaries are variable and also affect how we related to others including our marriage relationship. As individuals we are responsible in communicating our boundaries and taking ownership of those things within our guidelines. Setting our boundaries is guided by the personal freedoms and the interaction different relationships more over in the marriage. Personal freedoms, individual and relational, are guided by how we set our boundaries. Practicing our boundaries in the marriage is the best place to understand the limits. Matrimonies are based on a loving relationship and can certainly fail if boundaries are absents. Freedoms and responsibilities should be well-communicated boundaries inside a marital relationship. Doing the initiative to control our boundaries is a step that help to control our boundaries and protect ourselves from any abuse, manipulation in marital relationship and others type of relationships.

3 CLOUD & TOWNSEND (Buscar en la otra computadora) Unfortunately, marriage is the best place to have boundaries become confused and care of responsibilities fail. It appears that Cloud and Townsend do not specify between husband and wife what boundaries should include. Behaviors are a key element inside marriages and often a marriage can be saved just by changing a few conflicting behaviors. According to Cloud and Townsend (1999), when we live free, take responsibility for our own freedom, and love God and each other- then life, including marriage, can be an Eden experience (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 25). Evaluation Cloud and Townsends model coinciding with Dr. Wilsons approach in the book, Hurt people hurt people. Dr. Wilson (2001) also emphasized in the importance of maintain a boundaries system in order to establish a good relationships with others. Wilson stated We must each take responsibility for our own choices (Wilson, 2001, p. 99). Cloud and Townsends theories brings a perfect combination of various elements in spirituals and psychological health. Positioning this theory as a holistic approach with opportunities of work in different areas of the boundaries in a relationship or even individually. Various characteristic of this theory approach include the sense of self, of ones needs, maintaining healing relationships and defined clearly what are a boundaries and the importance of the freedom and responsibility.

The weakness presented in the theory are based in the lack of explaining the the I found weaknesses in their lack of explaining the context of dysfunctional behaviors. They merely construed the unwanted behaviors as being uncontrolled by boundaries. Cloud and Townsend (1999), conspire that clear boundaries are maintained by self-control and self preservation. They

4 CLOUD & TOWNSEND fail to suggest that boundaries could be manipulated and used to control others. Establishing boundaries in a relationship can be very hard to accomplish and can be easily misused. However, they state that boundaries are not about fixing, changing, or punishing your mate. If you arent in control of yourself, the solution is not learning to control someone else (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, pp. 11-12). Application Although I feel behaviors are not completely covered in this model, I do think it is a powerful model to use in building and maintaining a healthy marriage, along with other meaningful relationships. I can appreciate their emphasis on personal responsibility and completely agree. I think incorporating this approach would be beneficial in most counseling settings. Marriage is not easy and it has been my experience that communication is the key element. Respect of others boundaries are just as important as establishing your own personal guidelines. Philippians 2: 3-4 states, Dont be selfish; dont live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Dont just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing. Respect, communication, and compromise, in my opinion, are at the heart of any long healthy relationship.

5 CLOUD & TOWNSEND

References Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries in marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan. Wilson, S.D. (2001). Hurt people hurt people: Hope and healing for yourself and your relationships. Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers.