Ben Broughton Crime Map Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.

com

FX: TOWN ATMOSPHERE. HEAVY FOOTSTEPS.

WOMAN: (OUT OF BREATH) Officer. I’d like to file a complaint. My

phone’s been stolen.

POLICEMAN: Then surely you want to report a crime.

WOMAN: No, I want to file a complaint as my smart phone was snatched

when I was using the police’s crime map to figure out the safest
route home.

POLICEMAN: I fail to see where your complaint comes in.

WOMAN: If it wasn’t for the crime map app my phone would have been in
my pocket and not out on display for thieves.

POLICEMAN: We have no liability of how you use your phone, unless you’re
using it for illegal reasons. (BEAT) Are you using your phone
for illegal reasons? You do resemble a phone scam ringleader.

WOMAN: No, of course not. I want to be reimbursed for my phone.

POLICEMAN: Sadly I’m not at liberty to compensate you, I think you’ve

mistaken the term; ‘Old Bill’. I could take down a description of
the mugger.

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Ben Broughton Crime Map Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

WOMAN: You’ll never catch him.

POLICEMAN: That’s the spirit and probably true. My best advice is buy a
cheap phone, therefore when this happens again, it will be less
costly to replace.

WOMAN: How will I figure out the safest route home, the application only
works on expensive smart phones?

POLICEMAN: It’s kind of ironic that it only works on phones that are worth
stealing. It’s almost poetic justice, without the justice of course.

WOMAN: You haven’t been very helpful; I want to take your number.

POLICEMAN: But how will you call me? You’ve lost your phone.

WOMAN: No, I want your badge number. Not your phone number.

POLICEMAN: I thought women had a thing for men in uniforms. Oh, I’m not a
police officer, by the way.

WOMAN: Are you a community support officer?

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POLICEMAN: No, I’m a librarian.

WOMAN: Then what in the world are you doing in that get up?

POLICEMAN: Impersonating an officer.

WOMAN: Why?

POLICEMAN: I want to buy a house on this street, so I’m attempting to

commit minor crimes that will be added to the crime map of this
area causing house prices to drop. See that litter on the floor? I
dropped that (BEAT) on purpose!

WOMAN: Petty crimes like that won’t drive down prices; you’d need to
mug someone to make an effect.

POLICEMAN: Oh. (ANGRILY) Give me your bag.

FX: THE TWO TUSSLE. RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

POLICEMAN: (OFF) Thanks for the advice.

WOMAN: (SHOUTING) Come back with my bag!

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Ben Broughton Crime Map Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

END