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MILES: Education – it’s what separates us from the animals, while

higher education separates us from the working-class – a
completely different breed of animals. As university lecturers
plan to strike over pension alterations – an action that’s going
to increase ‘Countdown’s’ viewing figures tremendously, if
nothing else, we’ve sent primary school dropout and Newsjack
education correspondent; Jillian McWilliams to ask students
what they think.

FX: BUSY PUB ATMOSPHERE

JILLIAN: Well Miles, it seems the elusive student is a difficult creature to

locate. Our first port of call; the university library – was emptier
than Prince Andrew’s calendar, after some searching I
discovered four thousand students at the local bar. I’m now
joined by two of them; Dave Slack and Kirsty Taut. So how do
you feel about your lecturer’s strike?

DAVE: I didn’t know he was keen a bowler, although I haven’t seen

him recently.

KIRSTY: We’re not discussing that type of strike, you foolish cretin.

DAVE: I have a blog to maintain so I don’t keep up with current affairs.

JILLIAN: And what is it that you have chosen to study?

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Ben Broughton Lecturer’s Strike Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

DAVE: Media – (PROUDLY) for the sixth year in a row.

KIRSTY: I apologise for my friend’s ignorance, he thinks current affairs is

all to do with the sex lives of unwed Ribes berries. While I
recognise their need to strike, yet as a student I’m
apprehensive of what costs it could have on my studies.

JILLIAN: What are your opinions on the governments’ decisions about

alterations over public-sector pensions?

DAVE: I think it’s about time Labour bucked their ideas up.

JILLIAN: Labour? You mean the opposition should build a contrasting

policy?

DAVE: No, I mean the government; Tony Blair’s Labour party should
reconsider whatever it is that they’re doing.

KIRSTY: Dave; Blair’s been out of politics for years and Labour lost the
last elections. The Tories and Lib Dems are in power now.

DAVE: The Lib Dems? How on earth did that happen?

JILLIAN: We’re still not sure.

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KIRSTY: You should know this; we’ve been on protests against the
coalition.

DAVE: Those were protests? I though they were Fresher’s parties that
got out of hand. I left after the fire extinguisher get hurled off
the roof, my motto is; “when fire protective devices get thrown;
go home”.

JILLIAN: (SARCASTICALLY) A truly inspiring motto to live by. Seeing as

you two seem politically active, I assume you both will be
standing side by side your lecturers?

DAVE: I vow now that; as a six-time first year student; I am on strike. I

won’t lift a pen nor will I allow any type of information to
penetrate my half conscious mind, until whatever the topic of
discussion that we’re talking about is settled.

KIRSTY: How is that any different to what you do already? And you’re
making us students look more out of touch than the Tories and
the Royal family combined, you insufferable imbecile.

JILLIAN: Sadly, that’s all we have time for guys. Thanks.

KIRSTY: (ANNOYED) Oh great, we’re going to look like a right bunch

of…

MILES: Cuts! It’s a big issue.

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END