Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Ivan Frimmel
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REFLECTING ON "DOING NOTHING"
Thursday, 09 December 1999
what a fool I was most of my life thinking that the world needs me,
my so-called contribution, my so-called help.
what an idiot I was, hoping that I - or anything I can do -
would make any difference in the world.
now I can see very clearly that what I was doing most of my life
was violently interfering with the inherent perfection of this world,
unsuccessfully trying to fit my imperfect self into a perfect world.
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the only positive lesson I learned in my life
is that all my thoughts, feelings and actions were futile,
achieved nothing, led from nowhere to nowhere –
and that nobody cares a damn anyway.
I could also see very clearly how stuck I am in this modus operandi,
how keen I am to continue with my futile habits
and violent interfering for perpetuity.
Look!
that's a circular answer which leads nowhere, only back to the same
question.
What is the answer to the question that can get you out of the
circle?
here it is:
What I must do is do nothing at all
and accept that there is nothing to do,
that I have no role to play - and relax into " doing" nothing,
without any desire to do something about it at all –
that's the answer!
Is it really?
If it was then why can't I shut up and really do nothing at all,
not even think about doing nothing?
How long do you intend to keep doing nothing?
Forever, if necessary,
or until something worth doing presents itself,
whichever comes first.
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So, what exactly does it mean `doing nothing'?
Not even waiting for anything. Just being. Being who I am.
Totally empty of all ideas about what is "my" role
or purpose in life, or how "I" am going to survive tomorrow.
there is no way that any words "I" know can convey exactly
what wishes to be communicated here.
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grasping neither after any thing nor after no-thing
enjoying everything as it comes, when it comes -
and letting it go as and when it wishes to go -
or stay, if it wishes to stay – who cares?
resisting nothing
especially not my own resistance
accepting everything
including my own non-acceptance
tolerant of everything
including my own and other people’s intolerance
NAKED TEMPTRESS
Tuesday, 03 October 2000
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RAW REALITY
Wednesday, 04 October 2000
we believe that
raw reality
needs some cooking in the mind
to be more digestible.
SEEING CLEARLY
Thursday, 05 October 2000
seeing clearly
the futility of waiting for the cessation of waiting
non-waiting is.
seeing clearly
the futility of waiting for the arrival of non-doing
non-doing is.
LAST WILL
Friday, 06 October 2000
KEY QUESTION
Saturday, 07 October 2000
like a computer
our body-mind also has
Enter, Delete, Control, Help, Home, End… keys.
how cruel of me
finding pleasure in trying to provoke a response
from people who wish to be left undisturbed
and forcing them to think against their will.
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ABSOLUTE ABSURDITY
Tuesday, 10 October 2000
or Absolute Absurdity?
DANGERS OF GIVING
Tuesday, 10 October 2000
or by those who are self-sufficient and satisfied with what they have?
IMPATIENT PATIENCE
Tuesday, 10 October 2000
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WHY?
Thursday, 12 October 2000
anxiety comes
anxiety goes
but the sense of life’s futility lingers on
CHOOSY BEGGAR
Thursday, 12 October 2000
WHO AM I?
Friday, 13 October 2000
no more wanting
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nothing more to do, nothing more to say
now & here.
MIND GAME
Saturday, 14 October 2000
i
or the mind can’t see
multiplicity as one –
only I can.
illusion
is truth in disguise –
the truth that I am not i.
I AM
Saturday, 14 October 2000
IN PRAISE OF CARTOGRAPHY
Monday, 16 October 2000
you’ll find that a good cartographer usually has a good, first-hand knowledge of
the territory,
and finds delight in the art of map-making -
both are revealed in the beauty and usefulness of the map
reading a good map can be either a great pleasure for its own sake
or for finding your way around the territory—
either way, the art of cartography should not be scorned at
like knowing that a painting can never fully capture the actual scenery
or a song fully capture the mood or intentions of the composer
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should not stop us from painting, or from composing music
NIRVANA NOW
Tuesday, 17 October 2000
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you may be able to
live your life
EXPRESS your enlightenment
right now and here – without any further practice or delay.
practice does not add one iota to the perfection that is (being)
only makes promises about some perfection to be (becoming)
ICONOCLAST’S BELIEFS
17 October 2000
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(especially those I cannot see myself)
and I destroy your beliefs, idols,
(especially those you cannot see yourself)
rejecting nothing,
not even our perceived attempts at rejection,
clearly seeing maps as maps, concepts as concepts,
words as words, books as books, territory as territory,
illusions as illusions, madness as madness,
mountains as mountains,
thoughts about mountains as thoughts about mountains,
words about mountains as words about mountains,
pictures of mountains as pictures of mountains,
songs about mountains as songs about mountains,
one's preference for songs over words or silence,
or preference for maps (symbols) over the territory
as one's own preference,
truth as truth, lies as lies,
symbols as symbols...
irrespective of
whether you do or not-do, reject or accept,
think or not, talk or not,
meditate or not, practice or not, struggle or not,
compare or not, dissect or not,
do what you may,
WHAT IS JUST IS.
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enjoy It (or don't).
CLEAR SEEING
Wednesday, 25 October 2000.
IMPERFECT PERFECTION
Monday, 30 October 2000
VERBAL SANDCASTLES
Wednesday, 01 November 2000
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What did you do, when as a child playing in a sandpit
someone (or the rain) shattered your sandcastles to pieces?
Did you laugh, cry, got angry, started building again, or what?
ABSOLUTE RELATIVITY
Saturday, 04 November 2000
In my opinion,
all that Madhyamika, Advaita
and any other monistic or nihilistic philosophy “proves” is
that nothing, not even I, exists INDEPENDENTLY of it’s polar, dual “opposite”,
and that all such perceptual and conceptual “opposites” are actually
complementaries,
absolutely relative, and inseparably dependent on each other.
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All this which is and all that which is not is a “cosmic” paradox,
and can best be “expressed” in paradoxes,
or in silence.
SCHIZOID TALK
Sunday, 05 November 2000
There is
some violence in my love,
some clarity in my confusion,
much stupidity in my cleverness,
much wisdom in my folly,
some subtle lies in any truths I may ever think or utter,
some joy in my pain,
a degree of sanity even in my deepest madness,
a lot of sorrow even in my greatest joys,
some fullness in my emptiness,
total darkness even in the brightest light,
and a deep silence in all the noises I make…
You may not always be able to see and tell what’s happening,
the tug of war in this body-mind called Ivan,
but “I” can.
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but I am also much “more” (or perhaps less?)
than all those names, labels, aspects, and roles I play…
Do you think you can really hurt “me” with your insults
or flatter me with your praise?
Think again.
CRY MURDER
Tuesday, 07 November 2000
Did your love-affair with Advaita, Taoism and Zen led you
to a paralysing moral agnosticism and cowardice
that you are mistaking for a freedom of expression,
and to the conclusion that anything goes, and anarchy rules?
Now that you are sooo enlightened, and One with the Universe, and, soo full of
love,
you think that you stand way-above such petty dualities as right and wrong,
truth and lie,
pettiness and profundity, drivel and wisdom, awareness and unawareness?
And it’s not even my mother tongue that many of you are murdering here.
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DON’T HIDE YOUR LIGHT
Tuesday, 07 November 2000
IMAGINE NOTHING
Tuesday, 14 November 2000
imagine NOTHING
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In awareness or unawareness, who is aware or unaware?
In identification or dis-identification, who is identified or dis-identified?
In doing or non-doing, who is doing or non-doing anything?
In realization or non-realization of something, who is there / here / anywhere
to realize or not realize?
In enlightenment, who is here to be enlightened? etc.
I?
The "I" and "other" (or “non-I”) perceptual and conceptual split
is just a cognitive and linguistic convenience.
NONDUAL LANGUAGE
Tuesday, 21 November 2000
This?:
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“Would the body-mind-process that goes under the label “John”
temporarily overlook the undeniable fact that we are all One, that One is Void,
that neither of us has any individual will and that all is perfect AS IT IS, here
and now,
and without any doing whatsoever pass to this
not-really-desiring-anything (‘wanting nothing’) “aspect” of Impersonal
Consciousness
that I (in some seemingly ‘unaware times’ of this timeless and ever-present
awareness)
erroneously think I am,
that round object (or rather ‘that process of swirling sub-atomic particles’) over
there
(or more precisely ‘eternally here and now’)
commonly known in our inadequate and dualistic language as a “salt-
dispenser?”
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doing or non-doing
being or non-being
is possible or necessary
in order for THIS REALITY to be
precisely WHAT IT IS.
Impersonal
Eternal
Nameless
Unspeakable
Perfect
Presence.
Here & Now - and also There and Then.
Everywhere and Nowhere…
FINAL SACRIFICE
Thursday, 14 December 2000
In deep sleep Love cannot BE its ISNESS is NOT and finally this is seen, Love
too must be transcended before that which is prior is fully rested in. The
surrendering or sacrifice of Love is the ego's final death and when it has taken
place there are no others, all is Self! The pain of letting go of this last gem IS
the real death for nothing survives, all dies and arises anew as Nirvana which is
exactly the same one as Samsara which was the illusion of a love within which
loved the without.
When Love is dissolved there is nothing in the body that it is realised within and
in the same instant it is seen that there is nothing to be loved in anything, all
now arises in nothing for no reason other than it does so, no purpose, no
reason , not even Love. Aloneness cannot Love for it is everywhere it has
nowhere to move towards being all things everywhere now in this eternal
moment. Nothing is left and this cannot die, nor is it born, or does it exist in
time. Love MUST pass away, it is the final sacrifice. Love is not. Nought remains
and all that appears does so temporarily in this nought, the zero.
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Ivan’s reply:
Dear Bodhi Avasa,
Those of us who have been around for a while,
seen a bit too deeply here and there,
and perhaps got disappointed a few times too many,
can appreciate the beauty and truth of your words.
I have a deep Love and Respect for "your brand" of Nihilistic Wisdom,
but I am not sure if it is really "suitable" for general audiences.
Everything "I" (the impersonal "I" - the Source of everything) perceive, think
and talk,
the "foreground" or "content" of my awareness
is in the "realm of objective reality, duality or multiplicity (of objects,
phenomena)",
with "nonduality" “wholeness” as the unchanging but also objective
"background"
(or “foreground”?) to all that.
In fact, that's all "I" can ever "do", and enjoy or suffer "doing", in "my" life...
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"I" don't think that "I" NEED to live or "do" anything at all,
but if "I" decide that "i" (i.e. this body-mind) still "need" or "wish" to live,
and also to "do" something, "i" also "need" to judge:
"my" body, mind, feelings, actions, circumstances hopefully just as "fairly" and
"objectively"
as those of "other" people, things, circumstances...
When I perceive, feel, think, talk and act, I cannot "avoid" being & acting in a
realm of dualism.
But I am still One, anyway, even in all the apparent duality and fragmentation.
I sincerely hope that my criteria for judging others are the same as those for
judging myself,
i.e. that all my judging (of myself and others) is equally objective, impartial and
impersonal -
- and fair – and I urge others to be and do the same.
I don't always succeed (in being perfectly impartial, objective, impersonal and
fair)
but I always keep trying, sometimes by being extremely subjective.
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NEED FOR JUDGING, VALUES AND FOR HIERARCHY OF VALUES
Monday, 18 December 2000
I cannot live, or even imagine living, in this world without judging myself,
things,
people, circumstances... without having some values.
Can you, or anyone else?
Christiana:
See how delightfully quick our human identification peeks through?
In your post to me and to Zoran, you speak of what is attempting to be
maintained,
what is being revealed and what is concealed... all from the reference of
identity.
Ivan's reply:
When I perceive, feel, think, talk, share, act ... I cannot (and don't wish to)
"avoid" thinking,
talking & acting in the realm of phenomena and dualism,
and yes: from my human identity and perspective.
In this realm (of phenomena and "my" expressions about it) there will be
always references to "me" and "not me", I and you, him and her, etc.
in their full dualistic "glory" (or "fall", if you prefer such term).
I will talk about the phenomenon known as "I", "me" and even "you"
and "him" and "her" and "them" –
with nonduality (Noumenon, Self, Brahman, God) as the nameless, silent,
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passive and permanent “background” (or “foreground”?) to all such
phenomena,
as well as "permeating all phenomena"...
immanent AND transcendent;
or NEITHER immanent NOR transcendent...
Christiana:
There is no "condition" to earn or reject.
There isn't even a notion of condition to label "unconditional".
It seems here that it is merely the exquisitely alive pulse…
the glue that binds and releases..,
as Zohar says… the (ever-present) "homogenous field".
Ivan:
For “you”, maybe.
For me, the one "ever-present homogenous field" contains two, three, many,
all...
It is a PARADOX of ONE in-and-as MANY, or MANY in-and-as ONE,
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Unity in-and-as Diversity, Relative in-and-as the Absolute, All in-and-as
Nothing...
So, in this “world of mine”, some things are good, true, beautiful, lovable –
other things are bad, false, ugly, impossible to love;
some things we need to welcome and accept - others to reject... –
and also there are no "things" to cling to at all, ever...
Christiana:
That we tend to associate "heart" with "feelings",
seems more a factor of our limited human translating mechanisms.
Ivan:
As I said many times before, I can only speak as a human being,
from my "relativistic" human perspective, from my mind and heart,
and can only "speculate" about how would I speak or love if I were God Himself
(Herself or Itself)- - you know, the Non-dual-Absolute-Alone-Genderless-
Impersonal-One,
the One-without-any-second, -
and hope that my self-expression is getting closer-and-closer to His/Her/Its way
of “speaking”, and that my will is “getting” aligned more closely with
Her/His/Its Will all the time.
In fact, I (secretly) believe that my will IS His will already, always –
but, please, don't tell anyone, as I intend to continue speaking
as if I was manifesting and expressing my own, human will,
in a totally human and dualistic fashion.
Perhaps I am "too old, lazy or stupid" to look for or learn any new (nondual)
language,
if there is such language anywhere at all...
Christiana:
As known here, the Stream does indeed have a “sense” of feeling, but it seems
of a different order.
Being unaccustomed to this infusion of the Stream, it tends to trigger
associated (more limiting) memories of mind-body feelings.
Ivan:
"Known here" by whom? "Seems a different order" to whom?
Who is the being “unaccustomed to the infusion of the Stream"?
In whom or where are the "memories triggered"? etc.
Of course what I mean by "I" and "me" could refer to something different
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in each of my utterances, and may therefore need to be explained a bit more,
but for me, the "I" and the "me" (however imprecise without further
explanation they may be)
are still perfectly good words to use,
for the dual “me” and even for The Nondual One, Self...
Christiana:
Perhaps, what we are embarked on through these inter-nets is placing
our limitations on the line. Allowing the endless waves (male-female;
reason/heart; wisdom/ignorance) of words as pointers to Essence, the
freedom to crack open the precepts and percepts; and.… who knows…
maybe evolve the human brain's capacitance for non-gender, non-bifurcated
receiving.
Ivan:
Awareness of any bifurcation and fragmentation brings with it its own
wholeness.
Awareness of differentiation brings with it its own integration and synthesis.
RESTING PLACE
Tuesday, 19 December 2000
I am very curious to see what's next - and this curiosity is the main thing that
keeps me alive.
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when I know there is nothing and nobody to latch onto for security, comfort or
happiness
and feel that there is absolutely nothing worth thinking, saying or doing
THERE IS NO ELSEWHERE
Saturday, 14 June 2003
there is no elsewhere!
MY THOUGHTS ON ANGER
Wednesday, 16th March 2005
Unlike some lucky, timid or saintly people, I have had many encounters with
expressed and suppressed anger and violence in my family, at school, in
business, etc. and therefore my opinions are based on my own life experience,
however “old-fashioned” they may appear to be.
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• when the only outlets for women’s aggression was mouth-to-mouth
combat and throwing temper tantrums or soft toys at each other (with
occasional murderous exceptions like Lucrezia Borgia) and not attempting to
emulate men in aggression and physique, as they do nowadays in muscle-
building & female pro-wrestling;
• when so few people were “sparing the rod” in disciplining their children,
and corporal punishment and death penalty was a common sentence in
courts; etc
I also believe that today’s children need much more discipline than they are
getting, and an occasional firm slap on the wrist, cheek, or backside to show
them who is the boss, and what is right and wrong… Not out of anger or any
kind of compulsion, but out of our deep concern and compassion for THEIR
well-being.
Finally, I strongly believe that a man should never hit a woman, and a man only
very seldom, mainly in defence of one's honour, self-respect and dignity.
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WHAT IS THE POINT?
Wednesday, 16 November 2005
TOTAL ACCEPTANCE
Friday, 18 November 2005
LAST DESIRE
Thursday, 29.12.2005
TRUE SELF
Thursday, 29.12.2005
The One Impersonal Universal Eternal I, True Self that I truly am…
TOTAL SILENCE
4.1..2006
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YOU cannot do anything to bring about Total Silence, because there is not “you”
apart from It.
You cannot DO anything to bring about Total Silence, because It is the absence
of all “doing”.
And you certainly cannot talk your way into It.
Total Silence is not a destination that can be reached by “me” in some future
time.
It is eternally Here & Now: in the “absence of an individual “i” —
HAPPINESS
4.1.2006
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