Research Paper 4/1/2011 Margaret L. Holmes Advisor: Tony Apesos From T.S.

Eliots The Four Quartets: You say I am repeating Something I have said before. I shall say it again. Shall I say it again? In order to arrive there, To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not, You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy. In order to arrive at what you do not know You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance. In order to possess what you do not possess You must go by the way of dispossession. In order to arrive at what you are not You must go through the way in which you are not. And what you do not know is the only thing you know And what you own is what you do not own And where you are is where you are not.1

Finding the Way

Does this work? Am I doing this right? Why is everyone else exhibiting their work somewhere important, whats wrong with mine? How can I get to where they are? I cant make anything work. This is such a failure. I should just quit. Who said Im an artist anyway? What am I trying to prove! Does every artist go through these thoughts at various times? Does the peer group, (support group?) sometimes seem like an ego competition? If I say what Im thinking will I appear too insecure? Are they feeling this way too but wont say it? There seems too many times when nothing truthful is ever said and meaning is not always expressed simply but couched in language to obscure and pretend. Am I the only one who feels this way?
1

T.S. Elliot, The Four Quartets, East Coker, ed. Richard Ellmann and Robert OClair (New York: W.W. Norton, 1973) <https://www2.bc.edu/john-g-boylan/files/fourquartets.pdf>

In trying to find the way to create my art I have researched artists whose work inspires me or who are creating images similar to where I want to go. I want to use nineteenth century photographic processes combined with digital techniques for a unique style of my own. Eventually I would like to incorporate film in some way and to create images that move from the traditional flat plane of the photograph to encompassing space either literally or figuratively. Artists I admire who use mixed media successfully are Bonnie Lakota, who incorporates different substrates for printing and John Reuter, who digitally combines textures for traditional printing out method. Another artist I found was South African artist William Kentridge who combines drawing, film, movement, and performance. In reading of his struggles and descriptions of his work, I recognize some of my own fears about the act of art making and of failing. Kentridge recounts his past as a painter, actor, and filmmaker as a series of impressive defeats. Yet he came to the conclusion, theres a sense of annihilation and not just disappointment. In the end, the work that emerges is who you are.2 I know this sense of catastrophic disappointment too well. In choosing to create images that are not placed in traditional photo realism or portraiture, and wanting to find a way to add textural elements in my work, I struggle with technique and success of the idea. In part its my own self-critical appraisal. I see things in my mind and want to immediately execute an excellent piece without any of the intermediate steps of failure, rethinking, or reworking until it is right. And yet according to Kentridge, these are the very

Harry Swartz-Turfle. Failing Better: William Kentridges Drawing Lessons, Hyperallergic: Sensitive to Art and its Discontents, April 8, 2010, <http://hyperallergic.com/4985/william-kentridge-drawing-lessons/>

steps needed to exhaust the idea until it becomes its own without preconceived ideas. In this process of deconstructing and devaluing the object an invisible strategy works itself out internally. This sense of needing to immediately create great art was not always a problem. The time element of the MFA program as well as the competitive aspect of the group postings (such as Facebook) has placed me in this mode. I used to enjoy the process of finding a method to what I was seeing in my head. Many happy mistakes have resulted from the way I worked, allowing my work to grow organically as thoughts and means progressed. Kentridge looks at his art as a process that develops meaning while being open to finding strategies that evolve from the work itself. I find myself looking at a time table and wondering if Ive produced enough and am I keeping up with what others are doing? This is a very bad way to work for me. Reading Kentridge helps me focus on making my work about succeeding on my own terms. After returning to South Africa in 1982, he says the cultural boycott helped him develop his own style by not allowing him to stay current with what was happening elsewhere. This resonates with me because I need to shut out the announcements of other AIB student exhibits and gallery visits to find that personal vision and quiet where I can create my own work. By examining Kentridges work I look for clues as to how someone who felt he failed so often, now has the attention and appreciation of people around the world. I think it comes from his innovative use of several media and the rawness of his imagery which conveys time, history, and emotion. There is a quiet depth to his work with hidden political content and context that relates to his home of South Africa and apartheid that is often not understood or

noticed by Europeans or Americans. This loss of meaning does not take away from the work; instead the expressive, rough qualities create an instinctive gut reaction which combined with the viewers interpretative skill makes individual meaning. In his drawings Kentridge found that his pieces flourished when he used one sheet of paper to draw animations then erase and draw over for the next shot in the sequence and so on, leaving a light gray trail of where his figures had been. In the beginning he apologized for what he thought was messy work, and then realized this messiness was integral to his vision. When he allowed this untraditional process to control what he was creating -the work succeeded and reflected time and change through the trails of what was left behind. I have been searching for photographic methods that evoke a sense of history and time through the use of salt prints and solarization. In working in old photographic processes there is a lot of trial and error. Sometimes so much that I feel I havent had one decent piece to show for all my work. I have the original images (studies) that are more traditional representations of photography, which to me are unfinished. It is in this state of wanting more, that Im stuck in doubt. In rethinking the amount of time and work I feel wasted on trying to obtain a salt prints or solarized images, I need to follow Kentridges spirit of lively openness and let the process deliver a deeper meaning to the final image. In letting go of the need to control the thought process the idea is allowed to become what is essential, revealing the essence. In the process of making, a meaning will emerge,3 Kentridge says. Ultimately he uses his process to find things that seem unrelated and reconstruct them through singular moments to create a sense of coherence, not as a literal metaphor but as a way to make new meanings.

Harry Swartz-Turfle. Failing Better: William Kentridges Drawing Lessons, Hyperallergic: Sensitive to Art and its Discontents, April 8, 2010.

Sometimes in reading about artists and theory there is a watershed moment, a place where everything connects. Kentridge is one of those people. He shows a way to move forward despite fear and self-criticism, a way to proceed.

My goal is and has been to try to place myself in a faculty position as well as creating art that would be able to be exhibited at a museum or gallery of some prominence. How do most artists get there? Does some success depend on knowing the right person? Yes there is possibly quite a bit of that out there. But I cant accept that everyone has to know someone to get a showing or it would be a very small closed loop. I am very introspective and pause in asking if others at AIB are desperate to have a showing in some kind of prestigious venue as Im afraid all the egos would come out4 and there would be no truthful discussions. Will I get there? There is no guarantee. But to try and fail is the only path to take. Quoting Samuel Becketts novel Molloy, Kentridge gave this advice: Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.5

Fortunately for Kentridge, his failings caused him to find his own niche and his work has been shown at the Museum of Modern Art, the SFMOMA, he has been reviewed in the New Yorker, and he has staged the Magic Flute in Brussels with a successful run across Europe. Now he is influencing artists across the world and allowing us all to fail.

In talking to fellow Group 1 students, a few are there just to get the credentials for their job and some have been away from making art for almost 10 years, so it is not easily assumed that all are anxious to be the best in their field. And yet most often these people succeed in getting in exhibits where someone who is trying extremely hard does not. 5 Harry Swartz-Turfle. Failing Better: William Kentridges Drawing Lessons, Hyperallergic: Sensitive to Art and its Discontents, April 8, 2010.

Bibliography
Elliot, T.S. The Four Quartets. Nortons Anthology of Modern Poetry. Ed. Richard Ellmann and Robert OClair. New York: W.W. Norton and Company, 1973. Web. 23 March 2012. Gerrish, Cliff. Writing Under Erasure: The Art of William Kentridge. Echovar: economies, internet, language and culture. 13 Mar. 2009. Web. 1 March 2012 Swartz-Turfle, Harry. Failing Better: William Kentridges Drawing Lessons. Hyperallergic: Sensitive to Art and its Discontents.8 Apr. 2010. Web. 23 March 2012. Tompkins, Calvin. William Kentridges Rough Magic. The New Yorker 18 Jan. 2010: 53. Print.