has to stand up for himself and gains the condence he was always lacking.
Concept / Originality:
To be frank, this story is not very original. The concept is a story that’s been told over and over for centuries. Bypage three, when the shiny ‘blacked out’ limo is introduced, the story is already told, the passenger in the limo isCindy’s prince, they aren’t going to get along (as stated by Fairy Godmother), some element (the one unknown)is going to really separate them, but as it is a fairytale; they will all live happily ever after, END. The story wasover in three pages.The story of a small town girl wanting to be whisked away by a fairy prince is one of the oldest stories of alltime. There needs to be something more original when it comes to Cindy, some element that makes her reallystand out and identiable as a character. To overcome a lack of originality, this screenplay needs to be extremelycharacter driven. Right now, she’s just like an other waitress in Anytown, USA and there’s no reason to wanther to have a prince, why is she alone? What happened in her past? What makes her the way she is? (More in‘Characters’). Having Cindy be a more identiable character could add some originality to this script. The samething goes for Prince, Boris and Rio.•
Plot / Storyline:
The plot, as typical as it is, is probably one the stronger features of this screenplay. There are many structuralissues however that make it very difcult to follow (which are mentioned below under ‘Structure’).Many times the storyline is simply too confusing to really be gripping or give any feeling of inticement. It’salso way too unfocused to easily follow, there are too many side stories, without enough build up that simplybecomes very distracting in the end.There are too many elements and entire scenes even left to the readers imagination. Both scenes and charactersneed a lot better descriptions. It was hard to imagine what was going on because too much was left out. Thiswas especially evident with transitions, many times there would be a scene transition and it was too difcult toknow what happened, how that character ended up where they did, because too much was left for assumption.Many scenes are simply hard to follow because the storyline isn’t very clear at some points, out of focus. If certain scenes were set up a little stronger and with greater detail, it might be easier to follow.Take, for example, on pg. 8 when explains Vicky Lynn, not knowing Prince is under a spell, but that is neverbrought up again, nor was it explained earlier. It leaves the reader wondering if Prince was under a spell, howcome it never gets brought up again and why was it only mentioned once? Then, going further with the spellthing, there’s a point where it appears that Cindy’s outt changes into a Cinderella outt, this whole scene needsto be addressed and at the very least, more details added, it’s very confusing.On pg. 14, in the scene with Boris, stopping the limo on horseback, there’s a point where it states Boris grabsthe money, but there really isn’t anything earlier mentioning money the limo. This is a key point, Boris is takingthe money from Prince, yet everything is so scattered, if close attention wasn’t being paid, it would get totallyoverlooked. The money seems to come out of nowhere and the signicance of Boris taking that money is totallylost. There needs to be more details surrounding the money if it’s going to get brought up like that.