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Coverage Cinder Ella 12.11.10

Coverage Cinder Ella 12.11.10

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Published by Ben Day

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Published by: Ben Day on May 08, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Benjamin L. P. Day
7742 Redlands St. Apt. D-3038 • Playa Del Rey, CA 90293 • E-Mail: Day.benjaminlp@gmail.com • Phone: 515.509.1006
Screenplay Coverage Report
Cinderella Rescues Prince
Read By:
Benjamin Day
Submitted by:
Dale Noble
Page Length:
Time Period(s):
Present Day
Comdey, Romantic Comedy
MPAA Rating:
PG or PG-13
Los Angeles, CA; Oklahoma;Malaga Spain
ExcellentGoodFairNeeds WorkConcept/Originality
Cinematic Value
Cindy (Cinderella) is desperate to nd her ‘prince’ to rescue her from small town life in Oklahoma.When an unexpected man gets ‘stuck’ in town, she may have found her prince. Not the prince she expects, sheruns away with him anyway and they both discover each isn’t what they once thought.
This screenplay needs some major improvements. The premise is quite simple and the execution isn’tstrong enough to overcome that fact. This is extremely evident in how the story ows and lack of strong three-dimensional characters. It’s best feature is that there are three dened acts, it just gets a bit confusing as thereader moves from one to another.
Set in present day, in a rural town somewhere in Oklahoma, a waitress CINDY, works a dead end job, in desperate search of a prince to sweep her off her feet and rescue her. After being told by her FAIRYGODMOTHER that a prince would soon enter the picture, a man, who happens to be named PRINCE ndshimself in this desolate town. Her Fairy Godmother warns her that the Prince, despite being a movie producerand son to the President of BANKS PICTURES, is going to need some work, he’s a trust-fund baby with nosense of responsibly who is now broke and unemployed.After trying to escape this quite town, Prince nds himself deeply attracted to Cindy or Cinderella despite thefact that she wants nothing to do with him. Despite being madly in love with Cindy, Prince can only think abouthis friends back in Los Angeles making fun of him for picking up a ‘country hick’.Enter BORIS, the small town bar owner from Russia with a strong Russian accent. Boris is not happy thatPrince is in town, but sees Prince as an opportunity to become his greatest fantasy, an old western movie starlike John Wayne.
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Boris, tired of Prince in town and trying to steal Cindy away from him, set’s Prince’s limo on re and chaseshim down trying to eradicate him and his driver RUSH. Rush, nding a large mail van with a ‘pumpkin’ roof picks up Cindy and Prince and whisks them back to Los Angeles.As Act II begins, Cindy nds herself in the Big City, Los Angles, like a sh out of the water, she’s anywhere buthome. Prince takes her to his beautiful castle of a home in Malibu where Cindy meets Prince’s uncle and akybusiness partner, RIO GRANDE. Cindy is nding it very difcult understanding the ‘language’ of the Big City.Rio, who thinks Cindy is his mail-order bride, makes countless attempts to prove that he is a better man and hewill ‘save’ her from the nutty man that is Prince. From beneath his balcony, both Rio and Cindy overhear Princepretend proposing to Cindy. Rio confronts Prince and tells him that he is in love with Cindy, Prince puts up aght, but per the usual, Prince backs down to his uncle.Meanwhile, Boris has also made his way to L.A. and nds the warehouse that Prince’s family owns. Here, heruns into CHARITY, the ofce manager for Banks Pictures. After trying to make Boris leave the warehouse, shends herself tied up as Boris makes a plan to get rich by stealing cars at Prince’s upcoming birthday party. Bythe end of the scene, we see that Boris is nding a liking to Charity, his ‘kupkake’.Rio decides he’s going to take Cindy to Spain, to meet his fans and start their ‘honeymoon’. Cindy nds herself disgusted by Rio’s every move and bored by his sorry attempt at impressing her by telling her about shootinghis short lm. Somehow, Rio convinces her to try on an extremely revealing dress while they are having dinner.Rio nally pulls her last straw by telling her that the dress she is wearing is actually that of a amenco dancer atthe nightclub they are at. Cindy decides she’s over Rio and wants to go back to see her Prince.Moving into Act III, Cindy realizes she might actually have feelings for Prince despite is lack of intelligenceand now money. However, when she returns to Malibu, she nds that Prince is no longer attracted to her. Cindyand Prince have a long drawn out dialogue where Cindy nally convinces Prince she truly loves him.This all comes to an abrupt end when Prince still can’t get over the fact that Cindy is a small town girl and isafraid his friends will still make fun of him. After eavesdropping on their conversation, Rio, runs up to Cindyand makes one last attempt at winning her over. Meanwhile, Prince goes on a binge before his party to pick upsome women. What Prince doesn’t know is that Rio and Cindy are spying on him the entire time.After realizing L.A. women only want him for his money, Prince decides to go back to his castle until his partybegins. Cindy, nally giving up on winning Prince’s love, decides she wants to end it all and walks into theocean. Charity sees what she is doing and makes an attempt to stop her. Charity is able to convince Cindy thatshe and Prince need her in their lives.Once the party begins, Cindy decides she’s going to tell Rio off once and for all, however, she gets into a ghtwith Rio and suddenly becomes the center of the party. Prince, watching from the distance, sees Cindy pushinga man away from her but interprets it as her making out with another man.When it nally seems like Cindy and Prince will never work, Fairy Godmother steps in one last time and tellsCindy that the Prince is insecure and even his friends are enemies. When Cindy confronts Prince for the naltime, she sees all of Prince’s friends ridicule him relentlessly and decides to call him out on it. Cindy nally getsthrough to Prince and Prince is nally honest with Cindy.As with all fairytale endings, Prince makes up with Rio, nds out he’s not broke anymore and the Prince nallysweeps Cindy off her feet. Cinderella gets rescued from her small town life in Oklahoma and Prince realizes he
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has to stand up for himself and gains the condence he was always lacking.
Specifc Comments:
Concept / Originality:
To be frank, this story is not very original. The concept is a story that’s been told over and over for centuries. Bypage three, when the shiny ‘blacked out’ limo is introduced, the story is already told, the passenger in the limo isCindy’s prince, they aren’t going to get along (as stated by Fairy Godmother), some element (the one unknown)is going to really separate them, but as it is a fairytale; they will all live happily ever after, END. The story wasover in three pages.The story of a small town girl wanting to be whisked away by a fairy prince is one of the oldest stories of alltime. There needs to be something more original when it comes to Cindy, some element that makes her reallystand out and identiable as a character. To overcome a lack of originality, this screenplay needs to be extremelycharacter driven. Right now, she’s just like an other waitress in Anytown, USA and there’s no reason to wanther to have a prince, why is she alone? What happened in her past? What makes her the way she is? (More in‘Characters’). Having Cindy be a more identiable character could add some originality to this script. The samething goes for Prince, Boris and Rio.
Plot / Storyline:
The plot, as typical as it is, is probably one the stronger features of this screenplay. There are many structuralissues however that make it very difcult to follow (which are mentioned below under ‘Structure’).Many times the storyline is simply too confusing to really be gripping or give any feeling of inticement. It’salso way too unfocused to easily follow, there are too many side stories, without enough build up that simplybecomes very distracting in the end.There are too many elements and entire scenes even left to the readers imagination. Both scenes and charactersneed a lot better descriptions. It was hard to imagine what was going on because too much was left out. Thiswas especially evident with transitions, many times there would be a scene transition and it was too difcult toknow what happened, how that character ended up where they did, because too much was left for assumption.Many scenes are simply hard to follow because the storyline isn’t very clear at some points, out of focus. If certain scenes were set up a little stronger and with greater detail, it might be easier to follow.Take, for example, on pg. 8 when explains Vicky Lynn, not knowing Prince is under a spell, but that is neverbrought up again, nor was it explained earlier. It leaves the reader wondering if Prince was under a spell, howcome it never gets brought up again and why was it only mentioned once? Then, going further with the spellthing, there’s a point where it appears that Cindy’s outt changes into a Cinderella outt, this whole scene needsto be addressed and at the very least, more details added, it’s very confusing.On pg. 14, in the scene with Boris, stopping the limo on horseback, there’s a point where it states Boris grabsthe money, but there really isn’t anything earlier mentioning money the limo. This is a key point, Boris is takingthe money from Prince, yet everything is so scattered, if close attention wasn’t being paid, it would get totallyoverlooked. The money seems to come out of nowhere and the signicance of Boris taking that money is totallylost. There needs to be more details surrounding the money if it’s going to get brought up like that.
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