Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.

com

4:07 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

where are you? i am worried on so many levels. this is unfair of you to do right now. we had plans to go see my father today who has been absent from my life for 31 years. please come back! i need you so much :( On Sun, Feb 12, 2012 at 2:49 AM, mary rose lenore eng<maryeng1@gmail.com> wrote:

mary rose lenore eng

4:10 AM (7 hours ago)

to Arran

im ok and safe. working. ill let you know where i end up. dont worry. sleep if you can.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:10 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

...and i want to be gentle with you. that's all i ever wanted tonight. i am in tears right now and i cannot sleep. i am worried about you and worried you are not coming back.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:12 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

i need you here right now. i can't help it :(

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:13 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

i'm in such a weird state right now. i just saw my father who i haven't seen in 31 years. i'm scared and i need you.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:15 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

please come back. my daughter might be able to speak to you right now on skype.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:18 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

i can't stop worrying right now. i'm feeling extremely vulnerable without you. please come back! you are being too harsh with me.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:20 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

i need very much to feel warm and safe with you right now. i'm not going to be able to see my father without you here.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:22 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

please answer me. please be gentle with me, too.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:23 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

not answering me and ignoring me is harsh for me.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:24 AM (7 hours ago)

to me

dear, mary. please come back and stay with me

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:39 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

please come back here and work near me. your silence and your refusal to communicate with me is harsh to me. stop treating me as though you are punishing me for not being able to meet all of your needs all of the time and using your past experiences with others as an excuse. it hurts more than anything right now. i need you here with me and i need you to be gentle. i also promise to be more gentle back. i need you, but not the harshness... http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kc2fGmPmIQ8/Tx8dOAlvSwI/AAAAAAAAAK0/mF1V_snqzoo/s1600/ Albino+Hummingbird+w+red+rose.png

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:49 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

i can't handle any any harshness from you right now - not with everything that's happening with

my father and with the exhaustion. it's too much. please come back and don't leave me alone. please be gentle with me, too. i need you, mary! please stop being harsh with me and answer me. my father physically abused my mother while she was pregnant with me. according to my mother he used a 2x4! think about what you are doing by leaving me alone. please be gentle with me, stop ignoring me and please come back. i am alone, lonely, and scared!

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:52 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

i need nothing but your caring and your gentle interaction, not your abandonment.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

4:58 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

...and not your insensitivity. my mother told me he used a 2x4 when i was still in her womb. i need you here with me.....please. i'm remembering the pain and you leaving is adding to the pain.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

5:13 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

i hope you will pardon my tone. i love you and i need your love back. i haven't been in a place this dark for a long, long time. i can't take this kind of harsh treatment from you in general, but

especially not right now.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

5:25 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

i hope to see you here in the morning. i'm in a dark, dark place. i'm scared. i need you. i love you. please don't abandon me, especially now.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

5:33 AM (6 hours ago)

to me

come back to me

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

5:43 AM (5 hours ago)

to me

i'm signing off the internet now. i will be laying in bed feeling scared and alone and not being able to sleep well. if you would be kind enough to call my phone from skype and let me know when you're back i would feel much better. my # is 07503749256. i hope you come back. it is more painful for me than you might be able to imagine without here and pain is harsh.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

6:17 AM (5 hours ago)

to me

i'm not going to see my father today unless you come back to go with me, mary. i'm weak right now....very, very weak. i'm re-experiencing a lot of memories and your comfort and gentleness with me is what i need right now. the sooner i hear your voice on the phone and you come back to me the better. i need you so much right now. i am safe. i just have a hard time feeling safe right now and your comforting helps me feel safer.

mary rose lenore eng

7:20 AM (4 hours ago)

to Arran

maybe he was trying to abort

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonstone @gmail.com

9:37 AM (1 hour ago)

to me

"maybe he was trying abort"? was that statement supposed to be cruel to me? Also, I did thank you multiple times for going to Edinburgh with me to meet with my father. I have shown my thanks to you and intended to keep doing so.

11:18 AM (16 minutes ago)

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonst one@gmail.co m

to me

10:59 AM Arran: Aside from needing you emotionally right now, I also need your help with the legal side of the work I am doing. Remember you said you would help? What happened? :( I was so much looking forward to doing this all with you and working together. Please stop this and come back. It hurts me so much. 11:01 AM And what if I just wrote off all of your passions, worldviews, etc. as being 24/7 drama? How would that make you feel? 11:04 AM Why are you fighting me? It hurts me. Not everything is going to be totally perfect for you between me or anyone else 100% of the time. That's all there is to it. 11:06 AM I am doing my best and to treat me the way you are treating me right now for all of your said reasons is to demand that I do just this. Please think about it. 11:08 AM Please answer me and stop hiding. I am not at all what you seem to be making me out to be. And I am NOT treating you like a "slave/dog". 11:09 AM I have been taking your needs into account waaaaay more than the average person and you KNOW it. Tell me the real reasons why you are basically running away from me. 11:10 AM How you can't handle my weaknesses and my needs. At least do that rather than pointing at me the the whole time. 11:11 AM me: stop accusing 11:12 AM Arran: I am not. You were doing that by saying I was trying to keep you awake and treating you like a "slave / dog? *" me: raising voice Arran: I am not accusing you of anything. Stop creating drama. 11:13 AM ...more drama. I am peaceful. I am gentle. And I love you. And I with you were back here with me. Right now. Not to treat you like a "slave/dog", but to be gentle with you. To work with you To love you. 11:14 AM To be close to you. To enjoy being alive together. me: your style makes me feel bad---so figure a way to not be like that---my advice is to be nice like my dad. Arran: There is nothing wrong with that. me: or distance i dont know how to get you to respect me the way i deserve. 11:15 AM my email to mom was to get money so i need not be tied to you financially

Arran: "To work with you To love you. To be close to you. To enjoy being alive together." me: if you use yr money to trap me into a verbally abusive relation think of how i feel and the gender dynamic is antithetical 11:16 AM Arran: And that is not nice how? me: and then i act like assistant/personal hand maid Arran: I am not verbally abusing you. me: and you make me wait and starve and walk and carry heavy things and listen to yr complaining and no sleep and sexual demands imagine how i feel exploited imagine. Arran: We already went through this and it wasn't about ANYTHING sexual. me: you are not even 1/2 as gentle as i deserve 11:17 AM so telling yrself you are or tyiong t in a keypad is not the same as a 100% nonabusive friendship so until you can show concern for my suffering in economic entrapment and escalating verbal abuse 11:18 AM Arran: You are confusing abuse with your needs not being met all the time. me: then why would i want to come back to something so painful--when you tell me my complaints are not valid. similarly my IQ, my intelligence, and my art are not impt Arran: I do my best to meet your needs and will continue to do better. me: like when you ordered me around re the charlie film Arran: Your complaints are valid. Neer said they weren't. *Never me: yr constant stepping on me creatively is easily perceived as sexism 11:19 AM Arran: I am not stepping on you creatively either. me: and not allowing me to sleep under a battery of interrogation is like cia torture---it is Arran: Look at yourself in the mirror please.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonst one@gmail.co m

11:21 AM (13 minutes ago)

to me

These messages were sent while you were offline. 11:21 AM Arran: You torture me to be coercing me to live up to your idea of this perfect being and then acting the way you are acting now and accusing me of having intentions and being a way I am not being. 11:23 AM "...not allowing me to sleep under a battery of interrogation is like cia torture"

I was allowing you to sleep. It was never about not wanting you to sleep. Stop accusing me. 11:24 AM I asked you one question while you were ignoring me. That is not a "battery of interrogation". I needed you and you left. 11:25 AM The fact that you're turning it into something it is not tells me you do in fact like 24/7 drama.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonston e@gmail.com

11:32 AM (1 minute ago)

to me

11:31 AM Arran: Again - I never told your "complaints are not valid". If I did, then please show me how. me: i am copying this over to a third party so dont say anything embarassing 11:32 AM Arran: What I did do was let you know that your complaints were not based in what was actually going on. ...my intentions. 11:33 AM There is nothing wrong with needing the comfort of a friend when I am going through some heavy emotional stuff having to do with my father.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonst one@gmail.co m

11:18 AM (16 minutes ago)

to me

10:59 AM Arran: Aside from needing you emotionally right now, I also need your help with the legal side of the work I am doing. Remember you said you would help? What happened? :( I was so much looking forward to doing this all with you and working together. Please stop this and come back. It hurts me so much. 11:01 AM And what if I just wrote off all of your passions, worldviews, etc. as being 24/7 drama? How would that make you feel? 11:04 AM Why are you fighting me? It hurts me. Not everything is going to be totally perfect for you between me or anyone else 100% of the time. That's all there is to it. 11:06 AM I am doing my best and to treat me the way you are treating me right now for all of

your said reasons is to demand that I do just this. Please think about it. 11:08 AM Please answer me and stop hiding. I am not at all what you seem to be making me out to be. And I am NOT treating you like a "slave/dog". 11:09 AM I have been taking your needs into account waaaaay more than the average person and you KNOW it. Tell me the real reasons why you are basically running away from me. 11:10 AM How you can't handle my weaknesses and my needs. At least do that rather than pointing at me the the whole time. 11:11 AM me: stop accusing 11:12 AM Arran: I am not. You were doing that by saying I was trying to keep you awake and treating you like a "slave / dog? *" me: raising voice Arran: I am not accusing you of anything. Stop creating drama. 11:13 AM ...more drama. I am peaceful. I am gentle. And I love you. And I with you were back here with me. Right now. Not to treat you like a "slave/dog", but to be gentle with you. To work with you To love you. 11:14 AM To be close to you. To enjoy being alive together. me: your style makes me feel bad---so figure a way to not be like that---my advice is to be nice like my dad. Arran: There is nothing wrong with that. me: or distance i dont know how to get you to respect me the way i deserve. 11:15 AM my email to mom was to get money so i need not be tied to you financially Arran: "To work with you To love you. To be close to you. To enjoy being alive together." me: if you use yr money to trap me into a verbally abusive relation think of how i feel and the gender dynamic is antithetical 11:16 AM Arran: And that is not nice how? me: and then i act like assistant/personal hand maid Arran: I am not verbally abusing you. me: and you make me wait and starve and walk and carry heavy things and listen to yr complaining and no sleep and sexual demands imagine how i feel exploited imagine. Arran: We already went through this and it wasn't about ANYTHING sexual. me: you are not even 1/2 as gentle as i deserve 11:17 AM so telling yrself you are or tyiong t in a keypad is not the same as a 100% nonabusive friendship so until you can show concern for my suffering in economic entrapment and escalating verbal abuse 11:18 AM Arran: You are confusing abuse with your needs not being met all the time. me: then why would i want to come back to something so painful---

when you tell me my complaints are not valid. similarly my IQ, my intelligence, and my art are not impt Arran: I do my best to meet your needs and will continue to do better. me: like when you ordered me around re the charlie film Arran: Your complaints are valid. Neer said they weren't. *Never me: yr constant stepping on me creatively is easily perceived as sexism 11:19 AM Arran: I am not stepping on you creatively either. me: and not allowing me to sleep under a battery of interrogation is like cia torture---it is Arran: Look at yourself in the mirror please.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonst one@gmail.co m

11:21 AM (13 minutes ago)

to me

These messages were sent while you were offline. 11:21 AM Arran: You torture me to be coercing me to live up to your idea of this perfect being and then acting the way you are acting now and accusing me of having intentions and being a way I am not being. 11:23 AM "...not allowing me to sleep under a battery of interrogation is like cia torture" I was allowing you to sleep. It was never about not wanting you to sleep. Stop accusing me. 11:24 AM I asked you one question while you were ignoring me. That is not a "battery of interrogation". I needed you and you left. 11:25 AM The fact that you're turning it into something it is not tells me you do in fact like 24/7 drama.

Arran Edmonstone arran.edmonston e@gmail.com

11:32 AM (1 minute ago)

to me

11:31 AM Arran: Again - I never told your "complaints are not valid". If I did, then please show

me how. me: i am copying this over to a third party so dont say anything embarassing 11:32 AM Arran: What I did do was let you know that your complaints were not based in what was actually going on. ...my intentions. 11:33 AM There is nothing wrong with needing the comfort of a friend when I am going through some heavy emotional stuff having to do with my father. Arran: What I did do was let you know that your complaints were not based in what was actually going on. ...my intentions. There is nothing wrong with needing the comfort of a friend when I am going through some heavy emotional stuff having to do with my father. So please stop making it out to be otherwise. Sent at 11:33 AM on Sunday Arran: Please understand that I am going through some intense stuff and I would appreciate your help and your kindness. Sent at 11:35 AM on Sunday Arran: I also do appreciate the help and kindness you have shown me already and have shown that many times over. Sent at 11:37 AM on Sunday Arran: Simply put I feel there are many beautiful and things about the connection we have together and the work we have been doing together and I want to focus on the good things. All I was doing was asking for help, not trying to keep you from sleeping. Helping each other is a good thing. Arran is typing And I have helped you in many ways, too. I just don't demand respect because of it.