Peter N.

Stearns

"The Anchor of My Life": Middle-Class American Mothers and College-Educated Daughters, 1880-1920 Author(s): Linda W. Rosenzweig Source: Journal of Social History, Vol. 25, No. 1 (Autumn, 1991), pp. 5-25 Published by: Peter N. Stearns Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/3788501 . Accessed: 08/09/2011 20:14
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"THE ANCHOR OF MY LIFE": MIDDLE-CLASS AMERICAN MOTHERS AND COLLEGE-EDUCATED DAUGHTERS 1880-1920 By LindaW. Rosenzweig Chatham College

In 1917 a contributorto the popularwomen's magazine,Good Housekeeping, made the following assertion: In the lifetime girlseven twenty of of be old, years the tradition whatgirlsshould It has as in anddo in the world changed muchasheretofore a century. usedto be to life Thatis thatgirlslooked forward confidence domestic astheirdestiny. with still the destinyof mostof them,but it is a destinythat in thisgeneration seems to be modified all, andavoided verymany... for by of out The mothers thesemodern areverymuchlikehensthathavehatched girls or not ducks. Whether believein current feminine they aspirations notmakes very ... muchdifference 1 These observationshighlighted a series of dramaticchanges which peaked around the turn of the century and significantlyaltered the expectations and aspirationsof American girls and young women. While the earliernineteenthand centuryworldhad offeredwomen few viable alternativesto marriage a traditional role in the family,the worldof the late nineteenth and earlytwentieth centuriesbroughtnew opportunitiesthat disturbedthe equilibriumof nineteenthcentury domesticity and family life. The middle-classVictorian cultural image of the "angel in the house"remainedthe ideal, but the distance between that image and the realityof women'slives was growingrapidly.2 Broaderhorizonsbeckoned the "newwoman."New kinds of work,for example clerical and departmentstore sales positions, offered more independence. Extendededucational experiences, including secondaryschool, and college for a growingnumberof middle-classgirls as well, enlargedthe boundariesof women's lives, as did the plethora of clubs and women's associations to which they were exposed. Innovations in fashion and social behavior-shorter skirts, differenthat styles, and public cigarette smoking-added to the mix.3 At the same time, socializationtowarddistinctive emotional styles, especiallythe control of anger,differentiatedgirls'experiences from those of their brothers;this contrastedwith earliersocializationregarding anger,which had not emphasized distinctions of this type.4 gender-based These changes in women'slives reflectedthe moregeneralculturaland social trends of the period. The yearsbetween 1880 and 1920 witnessed the acceleration of urbanizationand industrialization, majortechnological advances, the rise of largerand more formal organizations,and women's struggleto achieve autonomyand self-consciousness.No historical period can be characterized by one set of core values, but the division between tradition and innovation in American culturewas particularly pronouncedduringthe earlyyearsof mature

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industrialsociety, as efforts to accommodateto the scope, scale, and speed of change contrastedwith an impulseto maintain earlierpatterns.The extensive discussionof the "womanquestion,"and the ambivalenceon the part of social commentatorswho both criticizedand admiredthe "newwoman"reflectedthis division.5 In this context, the perceptionof an emergingfemalegenerationgap,asarticulated in the GoodHousekeeping is commentary, understandable. Certainlyduring the period from 1880 to 1920, the world of daughters,particularlyin middleclass families,differedfromthe worldthat their mothersand grandmothers had earlierin the nineteenth century.To the limited extent that histoexperienced rianshave consideredmother-daughter interactionsin the past,they have correspondinglystressedthe implicationsof generationaldifferencesin opportunity and behavior for mother-daughter relationships.For example, Carroll SmithRosenberghas pointed out that a continuity of expectation and experiencehad linked earlier female generations and fostered mother-daughter intimacy. She suggeststhat the disruptionof that continuity in the late nineteenth century introducedconflict, estrangement,and alienation into a previouslyharmonious relationship.In the same vein, PeterG. Filene has underlinedthe novelty of the choices availableto the new femalegenerationand their mothers'anxiety about, if not disapproval their increasingly"unladylike" of, patternsof behavior.6 It was this disruptionof generationalcontinuity and the apparentattendant tension that concerned the author of the Good Housekeeping article and conto tributors other contemporary popularperiodicalsas well. Throughoutthe late nineteenth andearlytwentieth centuries,articles,editorials,andadvicecolumns relationimplied that seriousproblemsexisted in the area of mother-daughter ships. Here was a translation into women's family relationshipsof a concern about adolescence spreadingaround 1900, but with a potential for sociallyderived misunderstanding added in. Much magazinediscussioncentered on a lack of communication, frequentlyattributingdaughters'failuresto perceived confide in their mothers to maternalbehaviorsand attitudes.In 1884, the first year of its existence, the LadiesHomeJournaltook a firmstand on this matter: "Itis the companionablemotherswho are the only ones to keep their girls'confidences. The severely critical mothers are not of this clan, nor those who are impatient of a child's many failuresand shortcomings."7 Subsequentissues offeredadvice along similarlines. Forexample,motherswere told to avoid sending a daughterto boardingschool, which would make her "reticentand disinclined to talk of things nearest her heart;"to take an interest in what daughterswere doing; to rememberwhat it was like to be 18; to keep themselves young;and to avoid "sighing" melancholy moods.8 and Daughterswere urgedto do their partto improvecommunication:"Neverbe ashamed to tell her, who should be your best friend and confidant, of all you think and feel. It is very strangethat so many young girlswill tell every person before 'mother' that which is most important she should know," one writer advised.Another suggested,"...take as much care to cultivate the friendshipof yourmother as you would that of a stranger... it'sa thousandtimes moreworth having and she'll alwaysput you first."9 While communicationwas defined as the majorproblem,the discipline and trainingof young women also generatedconcern. Late nineteenth-centurype-

THE ANCHOR OF MY LIFE

American daughtersas forwardand over-indulged,and riodicalscharacterized castigatedtheir mothersforthe fact that Americangirlswerenot aswell-behaved as their European Disrespectful daughterswere viewed as "vulgar." counterparts. A mocherwho was "allshe ought to be"would see to it that her daughterwould l respecther. conflict afterthe continued to emphasizemother-daughter Popularmagazines turn of the century. Additional communication difficultieswere cited during the period 1900-1920-the reluctance of mothers to answer their daughters' biological, intellectual, and religiousquestions;the failureof college-educated daughtersand their mothers to respect each others' values and points of view; with the whimsof agingmothers.1lWhile and the impatienceof adultdaughters daughterswere admonishedto do their part to ease the strainsin the motherdaughterrelationship,they continued to be portrayedas the aggrievedparties. The authorof a column foryoungwomen beganan articleentitled "TheMother of My Girl" with a referenceto the many letters from readersthat caused her to wonder "what the mothers all over the world are doing" regardingtheir obligationsto their daughters.In the same vein, an editorialin The Independent in September,1901 observedthat: of and The unnatural burden filialobligations scruples by imposed somemothers them[mothers and of between is the prime factor the secretantagonism existing . betweenthe of daughters]. . As a matter fact,thereis lessneedof confidences twothanis generally supposed-andmuchmoreneedof confidence.12 as The tendencyto depictdaughters the victimsof maternalineptnessreflected the more general trend toward the promulgationof "scientific"child-rearing advice designedto fosterthe development of mothersas expertsat their jobs. It also suggesteda marketingstrategy,an effort to addressthe perceivedconcerns of young women and thus to sell more magazines.As the quotation from "The Motherof MyGirl"suggests, reader the responsemayhave encouraged continued publicationof this point of view. Advice manuals,like the popularperiodicals,identifiedmother-daughter relaasa matterforconcern andstressedcommunicationas the key problem. tionships The theme of maternalresponsibility the maintenanceof peace and harmony for pervadedthis literatureas well. "Itis not enough that we encourageourchildren to talk freely to us ... We must prove ourselvesworthyand able to give counsel no less than sympathy;must not have 'settled down' below the level of their the requirements," well-known writerMarionHarlandremindedher readers.13 In a volume dedicated"Tothe one who has mademy life most complete and ever been my dearestcomradeMy Daughter," Gabrielle E. Jacksonemphasized"the mutualunderstanding which may and should be as inseparable from a mother's and daughter's intercourseas are life and breathing." Towardthe creationof this understanding,she urgedmothers to respect daughters;to take their concerns and interestsseriously; involve them in decoratingand caringfor their rooms; to and to talk to them about the books they read.The mother'sresponsibilitywas clear: "There shouldbe no one uponearthto whom that daughtershould feel so readyto go with every thought, every hope, every plan. If she does not, it is her mother'sfault."14

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Caroline W. Latimeroffered a more sophisticated interpretationof the apparent reluctance of daughtersto confide in their mothers. She suggestedthat reticence on the part of a young woman reflectednot an intentional desire to and shut her motherout, but a temporary inabilityto understand expresscoherthe multitude of confusing new ideas, questions, and aspirationspassing ently throughher mind duringadolescence. She counseled patience and restraint: Ifa girlfinds herconfidence notforced is sensible thatsilentcompreand of that is no she hension sympathy and whichdemands recognition, willgiveherconfidence of but with againfullyandfreelyas she didbefore; interference the process selffor will confidence the future.15 evolution at thisperiod certainly just impair Here again, mothers were expected to assume full responsibilityfor fostering open communicationwith their daughters. The advice literaturealso suggestedthat a mother'sjob became more difficult if her daughterwent awayto college. It wasvital forher to keep in touch with all a college activities for "college life is, unquestionably, aspectsof her daughter's love hold uponthe daughter the daughter's forthe and criticaltest of the mother's to mother." Hence mothersshouldwriteregularly theirdaughters, relating"every little happeningof the home life.... ",and visit the college wheneverpossibleto Additional problems "... make them feel that you are in a sense one of them."16 when daughters finishedcollege. Youngwomenwerenot likely to return surfaced afterfouryearsand settle comfortablyinto home routines;they needed to have constructive activities. Noting that "the breakingup of mental and physical habits that have in four years'time become a kind of second nature"is very painfuland difficult,Helen Ekin Starrettadvisedparentsto help their daughters them to findsatisfying to planforthis transitionby encouraging occupationssuch as teaching or settlement work even if this necessitated their leaving home.17 Sangsterrecommendedthat daughterswho did remainat home after Maragaret by college should be treated as adults;a daughtershould not be "hampered an overbearingmother,"nor should she be expected to deferto her brothersas was the case in some families.18 Advice writersreprovedmothersfor their daughters'ignoranceof, or misinformationabout, pubertyand the facts of life. Mothers were indicted for their reluctanceto discussthese mattersandfor their inclinationsto protectdaughters fromsuch knowledgeor to invent silly storiesratherthan provideaccurateinformation, both tendencies which forcedyoung women to learn about these mat"... tersfromservantsand schoolmates.Thus what shouldbe a daughter's dower, too Again: bearingthe seal of the Divine Father" often became a "foulsecret."19 a between girlandher The important thingin thismatter.... is thatthe relation of that shallbe of sucha nature she willseekthe explanation thingshalf mother sourceandthuslearnthe rightwayof regarding from understood the legitimate
them.20

Advice of this sort suggeststhat some authorsrealisticallyacknowledgedthe changes in women's lives and their implications, as they addressedan audience in need of new guidelines. However other writersprojected a distinctly more conservative tone. Articulating a point of view reminiscient of earlier

THE ANCHOR OF MY LIFE

nineteenth-century ideology, Aline LydiaHoffman arguedthat "Our lot, our principal office is, then, maternity.... motherhood is the paramountduty of and woman, the beginning the end of hersocialduty."For daughterswho did not she marry, envisioned "... a futureof complete contentment in the motherhood which consists in their self-devotion to humanity and to their sufferingand afflicted neighbors."To this end, she maintained that it was a mother'sduty to tell her daughterabout her responsibilitiesfor the happinessof others.21 James C. Ferald concurred.Youngwomen fromgood homes should not compete for jobs with poor girls who really needed the token wages they might be paid, he maintained.They should remainat home "andhelp the dearmotherwho cared so tenderlyfor [them] in the wearyloving yearsgone by.... "22 Thus the prescriptiveliteraturepresented two clearly differentperspectives on the mother-daughterissue. The striking contrast between traditional and modernistviews in this literaturemirroredthe largerculturaltension between traditionand innovation. Whether the tone wasconservativeor liberalhowever, both the substance and the frequency of the discussions of mother-daughter the relationshipsin the periodicaland advice literatureemphasized centralityof the issue and implied that tension and discordbetween mothersand daughters troubled more than a few middle-classAmerican families during this period of transition in women'slives. The contemporary prescriptiveliteratureclearly contention that unprecedentedconflict intruded supportsSmith-Rosenberg's upon the mother-daughter relationshipduringthe period 1880-1920. While prescriptiveliteraturecertainly cannot be assumedto reflect actual family behavior and experiences, it can often mirrorreal concerns.23Given the extent of the changes in women's lives and the frequencywith which the theme of intergenerational difficultiesappeared contemporary in periodicals,the existence of such a link seems highly plausiblein this case. Thus it is reasonable to ask whether the decadesof the late nineteenth and earlytwentieth centuries definedanysortof turningpoint in femalefamilyrelationshipsin fact as well as in perception.Did mother-daughter relationshipsin middle-classfamiliesdevelop a new element of conflict duringthese yearsof culturaland social change?Does this conflictforeshadow senseof tension and ambivalencein the relationship the that would be articulatedboth formallyand informallyby even moreAmerican women in late twentieth-centurysociety?24 Personaldocumentsthat recordthe actualexperiencesof middle-class American women provideparticularly sourcesforthe investigationof these appropriate issues.25 This studyexaminesspecificallythe experiencesof the small but significant vanguardof middle-classyoung women who were able to attend college duringthis period.These youngwomen constituteda groupwhose untraditional behaviorclearly and conclusively refutedconventional standardsand expectations for daughters.Their activities were particularly likely to generate the sort of mother-daughter tension alludedto in the prescriptiveliterature.26 An examinationof the relevant sourcescorroborates existence of a range the of mother-daughter conflicts, but the documentsreveal a farmorecomplex pictureof relationsin two generationsof middle-class mothersandcollege-educated daughtersthan that suggestedby either Smith-Rosenbergor the periodicaland advice literature.Typically,mother-daughter conflict seems to have been baland anced, if not outweighed,by powerfulsupport mutualcaring,even in families

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wheredaughters' aspirationsand experiencesdifferedsignificantlyfromthose of their mothers. This situation resulted in interactions characterizedat least as much by understanding by alienation. Indeed mothersappearto have played as a vital enabling role in the processof daughters'taking advantageof the new best friend was options available to them; in many cases, the "new woman's" actually her mother. And daughtersseem to have recognizedand valued the backingprovidedby their mothers.Hence the period 1880-1920 is an important one in the historyof mother-daughter relationships-not becauseit heraldedthe early stages of contemporarymatrophobictendencies, but because it sustained positive, supportiveinteractionseven in the context of significantgenerational differencesin opportunityand experience. Examplesof illustrativerelationships spanthe fortyyearsunderconsideration. Anne Bent WareWinsor and her daughter, Annie WinsorAllen offeran intercase. A collection of nearly thirty years'worth of letters esting first-generation reveals a demanding,critical mother who complained and nagged incessantly, and a patient daughterwho found their relationship stressful,but loved and understoodher mother.When Mrs.Winsorscoldedher for looking down while speaking,Annie, aged 21, replied, that I am so afraid the criticysm, correction dissatisfaction maybe in or of [sic] you yourfaceandeyesthat I do not dareto look up. .. I am so afraid will not like my wayof doingthings,my opinionsandmy tastesthat I seemindifferent and I andoffish... it is because careso muchto pleaseyou that I despair grow discouraged.27 Annie not only wanted to please her mother;she was also willing to humor, her: support,andreassure "Icannot imaginemyselfwishingto preventmymother from showing her full share of interest in me ... I want you to understandme and not to worrysilently,"she told her.28Mrs.Winsor took her at her wordand continued to expressthat "fullshareof interest,"feeling free,for example,to ask her daughter,now about 34 years old, "Do you realizethat you are habitually stooping a greatdeal?It'svery unbecomingand will soon become so fixed that you can't cure it, unless you set about it at once."29 On the surfacethis relationshipappearsto have been a LadiesHomeJournal classic, but it was more complex. Mrs. Winsor criticized and complained, but she also consistently expressed warm affection for her daughter,encouraged her educational aspirations,and applaudedher success as an educator and a contributor(underthe pen name MarionSprague)to the LadiesHomeJournal. And Annie remainedcommunicative,affectionate,supportive,and tolerant of her mother'sneeds.30 and M. CareyThomas,one of Annie's contemporaries, the futurepresidentof MawrCollege, describedher relationshipwith her mother in her journal Bryn when she was 22 yearsold: and I havejusthada talkwithMother I dobelieveI shallshootmyself....Thereis that wouldsee in the morning shehadbeencruel. no uselivingandthenMother

She says I outrageher every feeling, that it is the greatestliving grief to her to have me in the house.... that I makethe other childrenunbelieving,that I barely heavens what a tolerate Father,and that I am utterly and entirely selfish. ... religion that makesa mothercast her daughteroff!31

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This youngwoman'sproblemswith her motherstemmedfromweightierissues than postureand personalappearance. Even as a young girl, she devoted herself to her studies, resisting any notion of traditional female roles and activities. She seriouslyquestioned her family'sreligious beliefs and eventually rebelled against her strict Quaker upbringing.Her conflict with her mother escalated when she lived at home following two years of study at Corell. Clearly (as Smith-Rosenberghas also noted), tension was present in this relationship.32 Yetit had been Carey's motherwho supported encouraged educational and her aspirationsin the face of her father'sreligiouslybased opposition: "Manyand dreadful the talkswe have had uponthis subject,but Mother,myown splendid are with mother,helped me in this as she alwayshas in everythingand sympathized And it was her mother who borrowed me,"she had written fouryearsearlier.33 money to send her abroadfor graduatestudy, whose health she worriedover while she was in Europe,and with whom she ecstatically shared the triumph of the successfulcompletion of her dissertationand her comprehensiveexams, asking on November 25, 1882: "Mother,is it not too splendid to be true?"34 Here, as with Annie Winsor Allen, mother-daughter conflict, in this case over fundamentalvalue issues,was offset by strong maternalsupport. Like Carey Thomas in the previousgeneration, Hilda Worthington Smith, born in 1888, was committed to her studies.She arguedfrequentlywith her mother abouther clothes, her interpersonal skills, and her sense of responsibility.35 But her mother,who, like CareyThomas'smother,had been deprivedof higher education herself, understoodher daughter'saspirations.She encouragedher college activities, providingboth moralsupportand laundryservice for Hilda at BrynMawr:"Iwas sureyourspeech wouldbe a success.Did you add anything to it?Write me any moresaid about it! When does the next one come?",she wrote enthusiasticallyon one occasion.36 In this instance, maternalsupportwas somewhat ambivalent,as Mrs.Smith often objected vigorously to any plans proposed by her children that would result in their living awayfromher. Her ambivalenceseems to reflect more the fact that she was widowed at an early age than any fundamentaldisapproval of her daughter'sactivities, but in her journal, Hilda complained about her mother'sattitude more than once.37Yet with her mother'sblessing,she became a successfulsocial worker,labor educator,and an administrator Bryn Mawr, at where her mother eventually lived with her. Some twenty pagesof her journal recordher grief and her sense of loss over her mother'sillness and death from pneumonia on Christmas morning, 1917: "I cannot bearto have her gone. I think I was more of a companion to her than the others, [her siblings]we had readso much & done so many things together...." she wrote.38 Among the letters of condolence she received is one of particularinterest, written by M. CareyThomas (whom she knew fromBrynMawr)on January 20, 1918: Ever sinceI heard yourMother's of deathI havebeenwishing writeto tell you to howdeeplyI sympathized you,butI havehesitated with I because remember if as it wereyesterday-and is thirty it years ago-how hardit wasforme to get letters aboutmy Mother aftershe died.Thereis nothingin the worldquitelike one's Mother's deathandI thinkoneneverceases missherhowever onesurvives to long
her.39

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Neither of these women was a "traditional" daughter.Neither ever married. Both were outstandinglysuccessful, independent, professionalpeople. Annie Winsor Allen followed a more traditional path in that she marriedand had three children of her own; although she studied at Radcliffefor several years, she never actuallyreceived a degree,but she continued to pursueher career.All three of these women experiencedconflict with their mothers,but all relied on maternalsupportas they fulfilledtheir aspirations. The sourcesdocument many other intriguinginstances of maternalsupport for daughters'untraditional activities. For example, Vida Scudder'swidowed mothertook her sewingand went with her daughterto tutorialsessionsat Oxford because the tutor preferrednot to meet alone with female students; she had previouslyaccompaniedVida to Northamptonat the beginningof her freshman year at Smith, where she walked a mile and a half to the dormitoryat 6:30 her who had never "done" everymorningfor severalweeksto help her daughter, own hair.40MarySimkhovitch'smother also traveledwith her when she went abroadfor graduatestudy:"Girlswere not free then to take tripsby themselves, and in any case, it was a greatadventurefor us both ... ", Maryexplained in her autobiography.41 While few mothers would have had the freedom or the inclination to accompany daughtersto Europeanuniversities,other examples attest to the fact that unqualifiedsupportwas certainly not rarein either the firstor the second generation under consideration.Louise Marion Bosworth'smother offeredenthusiastic encouragementto her daughterat Wellesley. "Oh Louise, I believe you have a futurebefore you ... I am so glad you could go to college ... I feel sorryfor these girls who have a mother so narrow,that they have to wait until they are marriedbefore they can do the things that young people love to do ...," she wrote in 1902. Her supportcontinued as Louisepursuedher career in social work:"Ienjoyed readingthe clipping you sent. It certainlyseems that yourwork is greatlyappreciated.I feel proudthat I have a child who can do so much good."42 The mothersof other Wellesley women between 1880 and 1920 providedcomparablesupportfor their daughters' aspirations.43 Active maternaladvocacytook variousformsin differentcontexts. The mother of MarionTalbot workedto organizethe Association of Collegiate Alumnae, predecessorof the American Association of University Women, expressly when moreconventional childhood to build a communityfor college graduates friends ostracizedher daughterfollowing her graduationfrom Boston University in 1880. Later,Mrs.Talbot,herselfa formerteacher,encouragedMarionto leave Boston to accept a position at the University of Chicago "thoughit cost her many a heart pang."44 Despite the fact that Willa Cather assumeda male from the age of 14 to the age of 18, her identity,cut her hair, and cross-dressed mother encouragedher intellectual and culturalaspirations,providedher with her a privateattic bedroomof her own, and latersupported wish to go to college mother also approvedof her over her husband'sobjections.45FredaKirchwey's untraditionalactivities, includingher participation,while she was a daughter's strike on student at Barnard, the picket lines duringa shirtwaistfactoryworkers'
in 1913.46

Chicago bankerand Finally,Ethel SturgesDummer,the wife of a prosperous herselfa social welfareadvocate,philanthropist,and author,providedunequiv-

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13

ocal supportfor all four of her college-educateddaughtersin diverse ways. In a fascinatingletter (which maynever have been mailed) to the futuremother-inlaw of her oldest daughter, example,she questionedthe young man'sparents' for preferencefor a postponement of the marriageof their children, arguingthat "the content broughtby the consummationof love is the right of these young When his parentsdid not change their mindsaboutthe weddingdate, people."47 she and her husbandhelped the young couple to elope and accompaniedthem. Equallysupportiveof another daughter,she assuredher: "... if any plan comes up that really tempts you, you and your life and work, that which you have to offer to the world, must be consideredas of most importance... Yourlife must not be stunted by us ... Our love can make any leapsof time and distance."Not her surprisingly, daughtersrespondedin kind.48 Examplesof this sortaccurately representa largerbodyof evidence that impels a distinction between careerpaths and intergenerationalharmony.While the experiencesof daughterswho pursued higher education (and also manywho did not choose this option) between 1880 and 1920 frequentlydifferedsubstantially from those of their mothers, this divergence did not generallyresult in a relationship transformed fundamentalantagonism.One conspicuousexception by to this generalizationis the unmitigatedmother-daughter conflict depicted by Anderson in her autobiography.49 Anderson'saccount of her interacMargaret tions with lier mother offers literally the only evidence of a totally negative, hostile mother-daughter relationshipgleaned from the examination of 48 collections of letters,diaries,and journals,10 autobiographies biographies,and and several compilations of selected letters between mothers and daughtersin the northeasternand midwesternUnited States. While conflict certainly existed, even when young women followed more traditionalpaths, the sourcesconsistently indicate that middle-classmothers were far more tolerant of daughters' untraditionalchoices and activities than the periodical and advice literature Indeed they appearto have providedessential supportin more than suggests.50 a few cases,which may actuallyexplain why some young women'schoices could be particularly untraditional.Thus, while the "new"young women of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries to some extent repudiatedthe world of their mothers as Smith- Rosenbergand others contend, it seems clear that their mothersdid not repudiatethem or their world.51 What explains the presence of strong maternal support for daughters'innovative aspirationsand activities during the period 1880-1920? During this transitionaltime, daughters who pursued higher educationcertainlymoved into a world their mothershad not known, or knew only in part;as Peter Filene has observed,many of them "decisivelygrew into 'new women'" as a resultof their The "womanquestion"pervadedthe social and cultural college experiences.52 climate and placed new and difficultdemandson their relationships,but it did not really divide middle-classmothers from their college-educateddaughters. Why did mutualityprevailover estrangementin a situationthat appearsto have been particularly conducive to conflict and hostility? In the firstplace, a reassessment the earliernineteenth-centurybackground of interactionsbetween 1880 and 1920 have been againstwhich mother-daughter measured suggeststhat the case for previouslyuntroubled,harmoniousrelationfoundno evidence of discord shipshas been overstated.While Smith-Rosenberg

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in her studyof the female worldin the firsttwo-thirdsof the nineteenth century, tensions duringthis other sourcesdocument the presence of mother-daughter who wereprobably observers, personallyuncomfortable period.53 Contemporary with the changes in the worldof women, apparently exaggeratedthe novelty of the tensions between mothers and daughtersas well as the extent of the conflict they perceivedduringthe late nineteenth and earliertwentieth centuries.54 Both the physical and the emotional aspects of pubertyin young women had engagedthe attention of variousmedical and educationaladvisersearlierin the relationshipsafter 1880, century.The extensive discussionof mother-daughter then, continued this trend in the context of the "invention"of adolescence as the concept was elaboratedby G. Stanley Hall and others.55 Despite this continuity, however, evidence of a major intensification of where discordafter 1880 would not be surprising, particularly mother-daughter chose to pursuethe option of higher education and the accompanydaughters ing independence. However, the sourcesdocument the absence of systematic conflict. Hence a fuller explanation for this finding must be sought through the furtherexplorationof the complex interactionof social, psychological,and culturalfactorswith experiences of mothers and daughtersbetween 1880 and 1920-both those experiencesintrinsicto the relationshipand those unique to the period.56 and Certainly,women'svariedpersonalitycharacteristics activities shape the mother-daughterrelationship during any historical period. Not all mothers nagged and complained as Annie Winsor Allen's mother did; not all daughters were patient and tolerant as Annie was. Similarly,very few mothers were as sophisticatedand open as Ethel SturgesDummerwas. Undoubtedly,conflict in the relationship,or its absence, was at least in part a function of the specific traitsof individuals. In the same way,women'sparticularlife experienceshelp to account for the lack of conflict in specificinstances.Forexample,certainwidowedmothersmay have felt that it wasessentialto remainin their daughters' good gracessince they wereotherwisealone in the world.They mayhave acceptedwhat, in some sense, was unacceptableto them in the interestsof preservinga relationshipthat they needed for their own security.Such women may also have been able to fill the void left in their own lives by the loss of a spousethroughtheir involvement in lives. While this situationwouldseem moretypicalin the case of their daughters' a marrieddaughterwith children, it may also describemotherswhose daughters chose less conventional options, for example, the mothersof Vida Scudderand HildaWorthingtonSmith. Likewise,motherswhoseown educationalaspirations had not been fulfilledmay have lived out those desiresvicariouslythrough the act of assisting their daughtersto achieve their goals.57On the other hand, motherswho were satisfiedand fulfilledin their own lives, comfortablein their and marriages successfulin club and charitablework, as Ethel SturgesDummer was, may have found it perfectlynaturaland comfortableto supportdaughters' effortsto move even furtherfrom traditionaldomestic roles. Research in the new field of the history of the emotions indicates that the as of collective emotional standards the period,the "emotionology," articulated in the prescriptiveliterature,also played a role in defining mother-daughter

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15

For relationships.58 example, throughout the nineteenth and early twentieth of centuries, the suppression female angerwas specificallyencouraged,and this patternhelps explain the generalabsenceof overt expressionsof the emotion beFailureto expressanger,however,certainlydoes tween mothersand daughters.59 not indicate that women did not feel this emotion throughoutthe nineteenth century and beyond.60Recent research has suggested that for some middlemotherclassyoungwomen in the past,unexpressed familyconflict, particularly daughtertension, was manifestedthroughseriousillnesses,specificallyanorexia nervosa and related eating disorders.61 While relatively few daughterssuffered and the represthese illnesses, the possibleconnection between these disorders sion of mother-daughter conflict encouragesfurtherconsiderationof the role of psychological issues in the historical interpretationof the mother-daughter relationship. Current studies of the complex and subtle relationship between emotional standards and actual emotional experience indicate that emotionology may actually influence the experience, as well as the expression,of emotions. Hence in changes in emotional standards the past may have resultedin changes in the emotions themselves.62 While it is difficultto documentexplicitly the influence of collective emotional standardson individual women, the researchsuggests that the nature of mother-daughter relationshipsbetween 1880 and 1920 reflected in part the emphasison the importanceof intergenerationalharmony in the emotionology of the period. If mothers fully internalizedthe emotional standardsprescribedfor them, they may not have actually experienced significant negative emotions about their daughters'activities. Alternatively, they may have altered only their overt expressionsof emotions in accordancewith societal standards. either case, maternalsupportratherthan open conflict was In the manifestresult. Women's collective experiences, both within and outside the home, also shaped their family relationships.Although the domestic role still dominated the lives of middle-class women in the late nineteenth and early twentieth as centuries, their endeavorswere not as narrowlycircumscribed that concept suggests.Duringmost of the nineteenth century,women participatedin various and causesoutside the home. Involvement in religiousand social organizations external activities was not a new idea to mothersbetween 1880 and 1920, nor was secondaryeducation, which had been available earlier in the century in the form of private female academiesand seminariesand even in public high schools for girls of the sort founded in Worcester,Massachusetts 1824. Thus in while their daughters' extended beyond the boundariesof their own aspirations experiences,to encompasscollege and careergoals, their own socializationhad embracedthe concept that women's"sphere" reachedbeyond the home.63 Even within the home, evidence suggeststhat middle-classwomen experienced a significant increase in power and autonomy during the course of the nineteenth century.This increase,expressedas a kind of "domesticfeminism," has been documented with reference to women's exercise of control over sex and reproductionwithin marriage.64 The theory of domestic feminism interpretsthe evolution of female domestic roles and the perceptionsthat developed from those roles, e.g., women'spresumedexpertise in homemakingand child-

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rearing,as positive developments.In this context, it is possible that by the late nineteenth century,mothershad alteredtheir own views of womanhoodto such an extent that they felt comfortablesupportingdaughters' effortsto extend the activism they had developed at home into the public sphere. Thus domestic feminism may have actually encouragedmaternalsupportfor daughters'activwhere paternalopposition was involved, as in the case of M. ities, particularly CareyThomas. If, as Daniel Scott Smith has suggested,the eventual successof women outside the domestic setting can be construedas an extension of their earlierprogresswithin the family,the connection between domestic feminism and mother-daughter relationshipsmay have been a crucialcomponent in that
success.65

Severalrelatedfactorsthus explain why the emergenceof a generationgap in opportunityand aspirationsdid not prove to be the most powerfuldeterminant of mother-daughter relationships in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.Variousother influencesfostereda patternof primarily positive, supportive interactions.However,a finalpoint remainsto be explored:the yawning discrepancyhetween the realityof mother-daughter relationshipsand the tone of the discussionin the contemporary periodicalsand advice manuals. of Undoubtedlythis discrepancy partlyreflectedthe individualidiosyncracies writersand editors, for example, EdwardBok of The LadiesHomeJournalwho was not known for his liberal views.66More significantly,the double emphasis in the prescriptiveliterature,on the importanceof avoiding conflict in the putativelyharmoniousmother-daughter relationshipand the responsibilitiesof mothersforrespondingappropriately daughters' to the needs, mirrored intensity of the culturaldialectic between traditionand innovation, the "dividedmind" of the era.67 That emphasisalso reflectedsocietal anxiety aboutthe changesthat challenged the tenets of the nineteenth-centurycult of domesticityand threatened to dismantlethe barriers between the separatespheres.As MaryRyanhas noted, American women in the past "... have been subjectedto the most excessive amountsand extreme formsof instructions,all of which have sought to escort them into roles that provide vital services to the social order."68 the In case of the periodicalsand advice manuals, the subtext in the "instructions" was concerned with the preservationof the integrity of women'ssphere. The maintenanceof harmoniousmother-daughter relationshipswouldenable mothersto continue to traindaughtersto fulfilltheir domesticroles;mother-daughter conflict would threaten that continuity. At least two other discernibleand importantculturaltrendsemergedin the of prescriptiveliterature:the "professionalization" motherhood in the second half of the nineteenth century and the development of formalpublic concern over adolescence at the beginning of the twentieth century.69The growing emphasison the importanceof so-called expert advice as essential for proper child-rearing(which was exemplifiedin the proliferationof advice books) and the attendant tendency to preach to women partiallyexplain the prevalence of literaturethat blamed mothers for intergenerationaldifficulties.With the development of the concept of expertise in mothering and the articulationof the social definitionof adolescenceas a periodof stormand stress,tensions that had been viewed formerlyas normal parts of family life-moody daughtersor

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impatient mothers, for example-seem to have been upgradedor redefinedas seriousproblemsfor which properlyprofessionalmotherscould and should find solutions.The prescriptive literature contributedto the growthof this perception issues. by focusing extensively on mother-daughter It is difficultto estimate the relative contributionsof each of these cultural strandsto the creation of the generationgap painted by the prescriptiveliterature,andstill moredifficultto unravelthe intricaciesof the connections between that literatureand the emotional and behavioralrealitiesof individualwomen's lives. Yet the latter issue is particularly importantto considerinasmuchas these women functioned as part of the culture that was reflected in the literature. Hence, while the magazinesand advice manualsapparentlydid not expressthe explicit reality of the experiences of college-educated"new women"and their mothers,this literaturewas not necessarilytotally irrelevantto their concerns. No doubt some middle-classmothers and daughters(whether or not they attended college) were troubledby aspects of their relationships.Probablysome of them found an outlet in the periodicaland advice literaturefor tensions that could not be directly expressedat the conscious level due to the influence of women'ssocializationpatternsand the emotionologyof the period.At the other end of the spectrum,readerswho did not identifypersonallywith the problems describedmay have enjoyed readingthe advice and congratulatingthemselves for avoidingsuch difficulties.As these examplessuggest,a complex rangeof possibilities defines the relation between prescriptionand behavior in the context of mother-daughter relationships,as in women'shistory more generally.70 Despite this complexity,and the manifestdiscrepancybetween the portrayal of mother-daughter interactionsin the prescriptiveliteratureand the natureof most actualrelationships,it is evident that mutualcaringandsupport ratherthan conflict dominated the relationshipsof college-educated daughtersand their mothersbetween 1880 and 1920. Although the sourcesdo reveal some tensions both trivial and weightierissues,the fundamentalharmonyis what surrounding standsout. Recent researchon women'spsychologicaldevelopment in late adolescence suggeststhe possibilityof a link between this lack of conflict and the ability of youngwomen in the late nineteenth and earlytwentieth centuriesto undertake new,untraditionalbehaviors.Self-in-relationtheoryarguesthat women develop and strengthena sense of self throughtheir involvement in both externalsocial relationshipsand in the internal experiences of relationshipscharacterized by mutualityand affectiveconnection.71This developmentis initiatedby the early mother-daughter relationshipin which children identifywith the mother as an active caretaker.In modem western culture, the full evolution of the image of an interactingself, "... a self whose emotional core is respondedto by the other and who respondsback to the emotions of the other"is discouraged boys but in becomes the center of the self-imagein girls.72 attachments foster the developAccording to this model, mother-daughter ment of positive capabilities,e.g., motivations for action, self-esteem,and selfaffirmation,ratherthan the restrictionof the individual'scapacity to function independently(as is posited by object-relationstheory which has also been applied to the analysis of mother-daughter relationships).73For self-in-relation

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theory,passingconflicts between adolescentdaughtersand their mothersrepresent a means of elaboratingthe continuity of connection to significantothers, an importantmode of "intenseand abidingengagement," disengagement.74 not the research findings that support this theory are based on the Although experiences of late twentieth-century women rather than those of mothers and daughtersbetween 1880 and 1920, it is possible to discern elements of congruence between the contemporaryself-in-relation model and the earlier interactionswithout claimingany sortof ahistoricaluniversalmother-daughter for the female experience.75Thus the self-in-relationresearchsuggeststhat ity the mutuality and supportthat typifiedlate nineteenth- and early twentiethcenturymother-daughter relationshipswouldgeneratean importantpositive effect upon daughters' psychologicalabilities to function succesfullyin new roles and settings-on their ability to venturebeyond their mothers'worlds.Perhaps this also explains why their mothers were able to cope with their doing so. Yet the apparentcongruence between self-in-relationtheory and middle-class interactionsbetween 1880 and 1920 raisesfurtherquestions. mother-daughter Does the theory describea phenomenon that is characteristicof American women's psychologicaldevelopment over longer spans of time-and if so, why? Or do the experiencesof late nineteenth- and earlytwentieth-centurymothers and daughtersspecificallylink them psychologicallywith their late twentiethThese issuesclearlymerit furtherresearch. centurycounterparts? edtheir daughters' The middle-classmotherswho encouragedand supported in the late nineteenth and earlytwentieth ucationaland professional aspirations centuries might not have agreedwith the thoughts of LydiaMariaChild, who commented in 1863: "I know people are accustomedto congratulatemothers when their daughtersare married,but to me it has alwaysseemed the severest trial that a woman can meet, except the death of her loved ones."76Probably, however,they would have applaudedthe view expressedby one outspokenmoare ther in a letter written in 1910:"Daughters wonderfulluxuries;they arewell And no doubt other worth a bad husbandin my opinion: at least mine are."77 daughterswould have echoed the feelings of a "new"woman who wrote in her journal in 1916: "Mymother is desperatelyill and the doctorssay she can't get well.... I have no wordsto tell her how she is, afterall, the anchorof my life."78 These sentiments highlight the role of the mother-daughter relationshipas a vital and enduringsourceof supportthat enabled middle-classAmerican women to face and respondto the challenges they confronted duringa period of rapid change in their lives. They suggest the power of continuity rather than disruptionand change in women'sfeelings about the relationship.Such senticonflict has actuallyescalatedin the ments also indicate that if mother-daughter late twentieth century,as some participantsoccasionally claim, the origins of this increase must be pursuedthroughfocused, serioushistorical investigation of the natureof mother-daughter interactionsin the decadesfollowing 1920. As data clearlyindicate, it is time to re-examinethe facile the turn-of-the-century assumptionthat conflict, antagonism,and guilt necessarilydefine the modern relationship. mother-daughter Department History of PA Pittsburgh, 15232

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ENDNOTES
The researchfor this paper was funded in part by grants from the Radcliffe Research Support Program,the National Endowment for the Humanities Travel to Collections and Program, the ChathamCollege Central ResearchFund.The authorwishes to thank Professor PeterN. Stearnsand two anonymousreviewersfor their helpfulsuggestionsand comments on an earlierdraftof the paper. 1. GoodHousekeeping (May, 1917): 27. 64 E. S. Martin,"Mothersand Daughters,"

2. For overviews of the changes in women's lives, see Carl Degler,At Odds: Women to and the Familyin America from the Revolution the Present(New York,1980); Margaret 1870-1920 (New York, 1979); Mary P. G. Wilson, The AmericanWomanin Transition; 2nd in Ryan, Womanhood America(New York,1975); and Peter G. Filene, Him/Her/Self, ed. (Baltimore, 1986), Chapter 1. 3. Filene, Him/Her/Self, 18-19. pp.

Controlin 4. Carol Z. Stearns and Peter N. Stearns,Anger:The Struggle Emotional for America's History(Chicago, 1986), especiallyChapter4. 5. John Higham, "The Reorientation of American Culture in the 1890s," in John American (Bloomington, Indiana, History:Essaysin ModernScholarship Higham, Writing in and 1970); Peter Conn, The DividedMind. Ideology Imagination America, 1898-1917 (Cambridge,1983), especiallyChapter 1;Filene, Him/HerSelf, pp. 18-19. 6. "The Female World of Love and Ritual;""HearingWomen's Words:A Feminist and Reconstructionof History;" "The New Woman As Androgyne:Social Disorderand Gender Crisis, 1870-1936," in CarrollSmith-Rosenberg,Disorderly Conduct;Visionsof America(New York,1985) pp. 53-76; 11-52; 245-96; Him/Her/Self, Genderin Victorian pp. 20-25. 7. LadiesHomeJournal1 (October, 1884). "Maybell,"

8. Ruth Ashmore, "My Girls' Mothers,"LadiesHomeJournal7 (October, 1890): 12; HomeJournal14 (October, Ladies Alan Cameron,"A Woman'sMost GrievousMistake," 1897):10. 5 Ladies HomeJournal (June, 1888); Ruth Ashmore, 9. FannyFern,"TellYourMother," "A Girl'sBest Friend," 8 LadiesHomeJournal (May, 1881): 12. 10. "How Girls Deceive Their Parents,"LadiesHome Journal1 (November, 1884); M.E.W. Sherwood, "How Shall Our Girls Behave?",LadiesHomeJournal5 (October, 5 Ladies HomeJournal (November,1888): 13; 17;EllaWheeler 1888): 2; "Whatis a Lady," Ladies HomeJournal (April, 1890):3; Edward 7 Wilcox, "AnEvil of AmericanDaughters," 20 Bok, Editorial,"The American Skeleton,"LadiesHomeJournal (May, 1903):14. 11. William Lee Howard,M.D., "WhyDidn't My ParentsTell Me,"Ladies HomeJournal 24 (August, 1907): 32; Editorial, "Where One Girl Began,"LadiesHome Journal34 Bazaar (October,1912):484; 46 1917): 7; "MyMotherDidn'tTell Me,"Harper's (January, Bazaar42 523; Alice BartlettStimson, "When the College Girl Comes Home,"Harper's "A Jefferson, Sermonto Grown-upDaughters," (August, 1908): 797-99; CharlesEdward Home Companion (February, Woman's 43 1916): 7; "The Case of the ElderlyMother," "TheGirlWhose Mother 36 Ladies HomeJournal (March,1919): 112;HarrietBrunkhurst, is 'Old,' " LadiesHomeJournal (June, 1919): 132. 35 12. Ruth Ashmore, LadiesHomeJournal11 (September, 1894): 16; "AntagonismBe53 tween Mothers and Daughters," Independent (September26, 1901): 2311. The

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13. Eve'sDaughters CommonSensefor Maid, Wifeand Mother.Reprint of 1882 ed. Or (New York,1978), pp. 311-312. and 14. Mother Daughter (New Yorkand London, 1905), p. 3; 63; 81; 85-86; 104; 114; 129. 15. Girland Woman,a Bookfor Mothers Daughters and (New Yorkand London, 1910), pp. 32-33. 16. Jackson,Mother Daughter, 138;135-36. and p. 17. Helen Ekin Starrett,AfterCollege,what?ForGirls(New York,1896), p. 13; 15-17; 24. 18. MargaretSangster,The LittleKingdom Home (New York, 1905), pp. 430-431; of Radiant a mother motherhood; bookfor thetwentieth century (Indianapolis,1905), p. 195. 19. Latimer,Girland Woman,pp. 138-44; Harland,Eve'sDaughters, 79; 83. p. 20. Latimer,Girland Woman,pp. 261-62. A talkswithmothers 21. Aline LydiaHoffman,The socialdutyof our daughters. mother's and their growndaughters (Philadelphia,1908), p. 7; 64-65; 34. 22. JamesC. Fernald,The New Womanhood (Boston, 1891), pp. 235-36. 23. CarrollSmith-Rosenberghas noted the importanceof examining the relationship between prescriptiveliteratureand unpublishedpersonaldocumentsspecificallyfor the development of knowledge about women'sexperiences in the past. "The New Woman Studies3 (Fall, 1975): 185-98. For a more general exand the New History,"Feminist ample, see the discussionof the relationshipbetween the rise of sibling jealousy in the early twentieth century and the treatment of the topic in the prescriptiveliteraturein Peter N. Stearns, "The Rise of Sibling Jealousyin the Twentieth Century,"in Carol Z. A and and PeterN. Stearns,eds., Emotion SocialChange:Toward New Psychohistory (New York,1987), pp. 193-22. On the pitfalls of assumingcorrespondencebetween prescriptive literatureand family behavior,see Jay Mechling, "Advice to Historianson Advice to Mothers," Journal SocialHistory9 (Fall, 1975): 45-63. MaryBeth Norton has comof mented on this topic, specificallywith regardto the probablediscrepancybetween the diverseexperiencesof nineteenth-centurywomenandthe socialnormsformulated mainly by men and articulatedin advice manuals."The Paradoxof'Women's'Sphere,"in Carol A Ruth Berkinand MaryBeth Norton, eds., Womenof America; History(Boston, 1979), Eve (Urbana,Illinois, pp.140-46. See also ErnestEarnest,TheAmerican in FactandFiction 1974). 24. See, for example, Judith Arcana, Our Mothers' (Berkeley,1981); Nancy Daughters and Friday,My Mother,Myself (New York, 1977); Dorothy Dinnerstein, The Mermaid SexualArrangements HumanMalaise(New York, 1976); Signe Hamand the Minotaur: Feminine on and mer,Daughters Mothers-MothersandDaughters: Reflections theArchetypal and (Minneapolis, 1976); Lucy Rose Fischer,LinkedLives:AdultDaughters TheirMothas and ers (New York, 1986); Adrienne Rich, Of WomanBorn:Motherhood Experience Institution (New York,1976). 25. Manymoremiddleclasswomen than workingclasswomen in the pasthave recorded their thoughtsand feelings in privatecorrespondence, diaries,and journals.Thus, for the historianinterestedin the analysisof the emotional qualityof women'slives, it is feasible to begin with a focus on middle class women. Smith-Rosenberg,"The New Woman and the New History,"pp. 190-92. Even middle class women's personal documents, however, may not provide totally reliable data regardingfamily interactions. Mothers

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and daughtersdo not necessarilywrite to one another about hostile feelings. Entries in journals and diaries are often brief and incomplete. Autobiographerstypically record their lives as older adults,and their recollections may be faulty and/ordistortedby their own biases. For these same reasons,oral historiescan also be unreliable. 26. A recent reappraisal the literatureon Victorian sexuality suggeststhat a female of generation gap in attitudes and beliefs about sex may have separatedyoung women and their mothersduringthis period. This could also contribute to heightened tensions between college-educateddaughters(and other middle-classdaughtersas well) and their Victorian mothers.Stephen Seidman,"The Powerof Desire and the Dangerof Pleasure: Journal SocialHistory24 (Fall, 1990): 47-67. of SexualityReconsidered," Presumably youngwomen who went to college weremoreambitiousand achievementoriented than their peers. As such, they should be viewed as tokens rather than as white middle-class However,an investigationof the experiences daughters. representative of "tokenwomen"can also offervaluableinsight into what waspossibleand likely among a largergeneralityof women. Nancy Cott has made this point with regardto the studyof the development of feminism. The Grounding ModernFeminism (New Haven, 1987), of p. 7. 27. August 7, 1886, Series III, Box 25, Folder 397, Annie Winsor Allen Papers, RadcliffeCollege. SchlesingerLibrary, 28. November 11, 1893, Series III, Box 25, Folder400, Allen Papers. 29. Fragment,c. 1899, Series III, Box 24, Folder390, Allen Papers. 30. See extensive mother-daughter Series III,Boxes 23, 24, 25, and 27, correspondence, Allen Papers. 31. January11, 1879, in The Making a Feminist: and Journals Letters M. Carey of of Early Thomas,ed. MarjorieDobkin (Kent, Ohio, 1979), p. 152. 32. The Makingof a Feminist,p. 152; "The New Woman As Androgyne,"p. 257. 33. July 16, 1875, The Makingof a Feminist,p.100. An earlierjournalentry also documents Mrs.Thomas'scommitment to education:"An Englishman JosephBeck was here to dinner the other day and he don't believe in the Educationof Women. Neither does Cousin FrankKing and my such a disgusson[sic] they had. Motherof coursewasfor..." 26, [emphasisadded]February 1871, p. 50. 34. The Makingof a Feminist,p. 263. 35. December 11, 1903, Box 3, Volume 60; May 16, 1907, Box 3, Volume 64, Book 6, Hilda WorthingtonSmith Papers,SchlesingerLibrary, RadcliffeCollege. 36. October 3, 1909, Box 2, Folder49, Smith Papers. 37. See, for example, January9, 1915, Box 4, Volume 78, Book 20, Smith Papers:"It seems as if I should never get anywhere,but should stay at home with Mother.Shehasn't enough to do, & realizesit sadly." 38. December25,1917, Box 4, Volume 81, Book 23, Smith Papers. 39. Box 10, Folder 171, Smith Papers. 40. Vida Scudder,On Journey(New York,1937), pp. 66-67; 88. 41. MarySimkhovitch, Neighborhood (New York,[1938]), p. 47.

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42. December3,1902, Carton 1, Folder42; August8,1912, Carton 1, Folder63, Louise Marion BosworthPapers,SchlesingerLibrary, RadcliffeCollege. 43. Patricia A. Palmieri, "Patternsof Achievement of Single Academic Women at 5 Wellesley College, 1880-1920," Frontiers (Spring, 1980), 63-67. 44. Joyce Antler, " 'After College, What?':New Graduatesand the Family Claim," American 32 on Quarterly (Fall, 1980): 428; Lynn D. Gordon, "Co-Education Two Campuses:Berkeleyand Chicago, 1890-1912," in MaryKelley,ed., Woman's Being,Woman's Place: FemaleIdentityand Vocationin AmericanHistory(Boston, 1979), p.181; Marion Talbot, More Than Lore (Chicago, 1936), p. 3, quoted in Rosalind Rosenberg,Beyond Intellectual Rootsof ModernFeminism (New Haven, 1982), p. 27. Separate Spheres: Voice(New York,1987), p. 104. 45. Sharon O'Brien,WillaCather:The Emerging A 46. SaraAlpern, FredaKirchwey, Womanof theNation (Cambridge,1987), p. 11. 47. Ethel SturgesDummerto Mabel Fisher,June 28, 1915, Box 45, Folder924, Ethel RadcliffeCollege. The letter is markedin SturgesDummerPapers,Schlesinger Library, pencil, "Ibelieve this was never sent." 48. See, for example, letters to KatharineDummer Fisher,Box 45, Folder 925; letter to "Happy"(Ethel) Dummer Mintzer,July 8, 1920, Box 10, Folder 165a; letters from KatherineDummerFisher,Box 43, Folder895; lettersfromFrancesDummerLogan,Box 12, Folder 185; and letters from "Happy" (Ethel) DummerMintzer,Box 10, Folder 162. DummerPapers. Years' War(New York,1969), firstpublishedin 1930.The conflict between 49. My Thirty Alice Jamesand her mother offersan earlierexample of a troubledrelationship,in this instance,between an intelligent, invaliddaughterwho did not go to college and a capable, practicalVictorianmother.Alice Jamesfelt "emotionallyundernourished" her mother, by and apparently experiencedsignificantreliefwhen her motherdied in 1882.JeanStrouse, AliceJames;A Biography (Boston, 1980), p. 46; pp. 202-03. 50. For additional representativeexamples of relationshipsbetween college-educated daughtersand their mothers, see the following collections: MaryWilliams Dewson Papers, Dorothea May Moore Papers,Morgan-HowesFamily Papers,in the Schlesinger Ames FamilyPapers,in the Sophia Smith Collection, Smith College; and Helen Library; Landon Cass Letters,Alice Mason Miller Letters, Helen LymanMiller Letters, in the Smith College Archives. Representativeexamples of relationshipsbetween daughters who did not attend college and their mothers may be found in the Hills Family Papers,Amherst College Special Collections; BradleyFamilyPapersand Emerson-Nichols and Richard Lee Strout, ed., Maud (New York, 1939). A Papers,Schlesinger Library; complete list of sourcesconsulted is availablefrom the author. 51. For an interesting discussion of the positive contribution of families, particularly mothers, to the continuing growth and development of college-educateddaughters,see Antler, " 'After College, What?':New Graduatesand the FamilyClaim,"cited above, note 42. Barbara Miller Solomon has also documented mothers'supportfor daughters' educational goals in the late nineteenth century and even earlier.In the Companyof Educated Women(New Haven, 1985) p. 13; pp. 64-68. Possiblycollege-educatedwomen and their motherscomprisea sampleself-selectedto produceevidence of positive mother-daughter relationships.Maternalsupportfor untraditional femaleactivity,includinghighereducation,mayhave been a crucialprecondition for daughterswho went to college. It is relevant, therefore,to considerwhether a greater disparitybetween mothersand daughterswould be apparentin a largersamplerepresenting the wider middle class. However, the weight of the evidence in the present study

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stronglysuggeststhat such a samplewould also documentmaternalsupportfor daughters' activities. 52. Him/Her/Self, 26. p. A 53. See, for example, Margo E. Horn, FamilyTies: The Blackwells. Studyin the Dynamicsof FamilyLifein Nineteenth CenturyAmerica,Dissertation,TuftsUniversity, 1980, and Mary E. Bulkley, "Grandmother,Mother and Me," mimeographedmanuscript, Schlesinger Library,Radcliffe College. Examples of less than perfect earlier mother(New daughterinteractions are also cited in Nancy F Cott, The Bondsof Womanhood Construction Femininity: Mothers Haven, 1977), p. 178;Nancy M. Theriot, TheBiosocial of in America(Westport,Connecticut, 1988), p. 77; Nini andDaughters Nineteenth-Century Herman,TooLonga Child:TheMotherDyad(London, 1989); and Lee Virginia Daughter A Chambers-Schiller, SingleWomenin America:The Generations Liberty BetterHusband; of 1780-1840 (New Haven, 1984). 54. See, for example, discussions of the dangers of too much education for women, contained in E. H. Clarke, Sex in Education; A Fair Chancefor the Girls (Boston, or, 1873). 55. JosephE Kett, Ritesof Passage: in Adolescence America1790 to thePresent (New York, 1977), pp. 133-43; 215-38. 56. An interestinganalysisof the relationshipamongcultural,social, and psychological factors and the dynamicsof family life is Stephen Mintz, A Prisonof Expectations. The Culture(New Yorkand London, 1983). Familyin Victorian rebel57. Peter Filene suggeststhat mothers lived vicariouslythroughtheir daughters' lious and emancipatedbehaviorduringthe late nineteenth century.Him/Her/Self, 23. p. See also Solomon, In theCompany Educated Women,pp. 67-68. of 58. Peter N. Steams with Carol Z. Stearns, "Emotionology: Clarifyingthe History of Emotions and Emotional Standards," AmericanHistoricalReview90 (October, 1985): 813-36. 59. Stearnsand Stearns,Anger,Chapter4. 60. Ibid. 61. Joan JacobsBrumberg, FastingGirls:The Emergence AnorexiaNervosaas a Modof em Disease(Cambridge,1988), pp. 126-140 and Theriot, The Biosocial Construction of Femininity, 119-132. pp. 62. Fordiscussions the relationshipbetweenemotionalstandards actualemotions, of and see Shula Sommers,"Understanding Emotions:Some Interdisciplinary Considerations," in Carol Z. Stearnsand PeterN. Stearns,eds., Emotion SocialChange:Toward New and a S. (New Yorkand London, 1988), pp. 23-38 and Margaret Clark,"Historical Psychohistory in Emotionology:Froma Social Psychologist's Perspective," AndrewE. Barnesand Peter N. Stearns,eds., SocialHistoryand Issuesin HumanConsciousness; SomeInterdisciplinary Connections (New Yorkand London, 1989), pp. 262-69. Recent researchin emotions history includes Stearns and Stearns, Anger,cited previously; Jan Lewis, "Mother'sLove: The Construction of an Emotion in NineteenthCentury America,"and Peter N. Steams, "Suppressing Unpleasant Emotions:The Development of a Twentieth-CenturyAmerican Style," both in Barnesand Stearns, eds., SocialHistoryand Human Consciousness, 209-29; 230-61. See also the essays and pp. works cited in the bibliography in Steams and Stearns, eds., Emotion and Social Change.

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63. Ethel Sturges Dummer,for example, was involved in a wide variety of activities outside her home. See Degler,At Odds, Chapter XIII for a discussionof women'sworld beyond the home. Smith-Rosenbergalso comments on the activities of women outside the confines of domesticity."The New Woman As Androgyne,"pp. 256-57. 64. Daniel Scott Smith, "Family Limitation,Sexual Control, and DomesticFeminismin VictorianAmerica,"in MaryS. HartmanandLoisBanner,eds.,Clio'sConsciousness Raised (New York,1974), pp. 119-36. See also Degler,At Odds,ChapterXI, pp. 249-78; Cott, The Bondsof Womanhood; Norton, "The Paradoxof 'Women'sSphere,';" KathrynKish Sklar, CatharineBeecher:A Studyin AmericanDomesticity (New York, 1973); Glenna a in Matthews, "Just Housewife."The Rise and Fall of Domesticity America(New York, A 1987); Dolores Hayden, The GrandDomesticRevolution: Historyof Feminist Designs and Harris, Homes, Neighborhoods. Cities (Cambridge,1981); and Barbara for American Women theProfessions American and in BeyondHer Sphere. History(Westport,CT, 1978). I am gratefulto Professor Peter N. Stearnsfor suggestinga possibleconnection between domestic feminismand maternalsupport. 65. Smith, "Family Limitation." 66. CarrollSmith-Rosenberghas commented on the lack of congruence between the perspectivesof male authorsand the experiencesof women:"Iceased to search in men's writingsfor clues to women'sexperiences.""HearingWomen'sWords:A Feminist Rein constructionof History," Disorderly Conduct,p. 27. See also MaryBeth Norton, "The Paradoxof 'Women's'Sphere." Mind. 67. Conn, The Divided in 68. Womanhood America,p. 12. 69. Foran analysisof the effects on the familyof the emphasison outside expertise,see The FamilyBesieged World: (New York,1977). ChristopherLasch,Havenin a Heartless 70. Smith-Rosenberg,"The New Woman and the New History." 71. Alexandra Kaplanand Rona Klein, "The Relational Self in Late Adolescent WoNo. 17, Stone Center for DevelopmentalServices and Studies, men," Workin Progress, Wellesley College, 1985, pp. 1-10. 72. Ibid., p. 3. Carol Gilligan's model of female development also stressesthe role of affective connectedness in women'sconcepts of self. In a DifferentVoice:Psychological Development (Cambridgeand London, 1982). Theoryand Women's 73. Relevantdiscussionsof object relationstheorycan be foundin Nancy M. Chodorow, and The Reproduction Mothering: of of Psychoanalysis theSociology Gender(Berkeley,1978) in and JayR. Greenbergand Stephen A. Mitchell, ObjectRelations Psychoanalytic Theory (Cambridge, 1983). For an example of the application of the theory to the analysis of contemporarymother-daughter relationships,see Friday,My MotherMy Self, cited previously. 74. Kaplanand Klein, "The Relational Self,"p. 5. self-in-relationtheory,see Nancy A. 75. Foran exampleof a currentstudythat supports Work and Gleason, "Daughters Mothers:College Women Look at Their Relationships," in Progress, No. 17, Stone Center, pp. 12-22. The issueof the applicationof ahistorical, psychologicaltheoriesto the analysisof the familyin pastperiodsis consideredin Theriot, The Biosocial Construction Femininity, 12. See also JaneFlax, "The Conflict Between of p. Nurturanceand Autonomy in Mother-Daughter Relationshipsand Within Feminism," Feminist Studies (June, 1978): 171-89. 4

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November 9, 1863, Loring Papers,Schlesinger Li76. LydiaMariaChild to "Louise," brary, quoted in Degler,At Odds, p. 106. 77. Hannah Whitall Smith, aunt of M. CareyThomas, to MaryBerenson,her daughter, Quaker:The Lettersof September 28, 1910, in Logan PearsallSmith, ed., Philadelphia HannahWhitall Smith(New York,1950), p. 210. 78. Clara Savage Littledale, October 22, 1916, Box 1, Volume 18, Clara Savage Littledale Papers,SchlesingerLibrary, RadcliffeCollege.