Ruji Chapnik

Playwriting
Monologue

BACKGROUND: The speaker is a gawky boy of about sixteen with an

eccentric personal style. He is intelligent and perceptive beyond his

years but exudes a clumsy naïveté in social matters. He has not quite

mastered the art of vernacular in casual conversation, and his speech

occasionally lapses into a peculiar, prose-like style sprinkled with

technical language that alienates others despite his efforts to connect.

Offstage listener is implied but not shown.

TEEN BOY: (Hesitantly, with more than a hint of shame) Okay, yeah,

it’s true. The tapes are from his house, from the recording devices I

set up. Geez, I must sound so crazy right now. Let me just try to

explain:

(Pauses to gather thoughts) First of all, it’s not like I’m gay or

anything. I mean, I wouldn’t want to have sex with him. Well, maybe I

would, but only because it would help me solve the mystery. I still like

girls and stuff, though, and I don’t think I’d actually be turned on by

having sex with him. It’s just kind of this intellectual thing. I’d do it for

the sake of science.

He’s just really weird. Well, no, he’s not weird, but that’s why he

is weird – because there is nothing obviously weird about him. Todd

Blake is the most normal kid I’ve ever met. Well, actually, that I’ve
ever observed; we’ve never spoken to each other. He’s in all these

sports and stuff, and he wears team merchandise all the time. I’ve

never gotten the sports thing, or even the videogame thing. I don’t

see why other guys are all into that stuff. It’s so trite. Maybe that’s

why I don’t fit in with guys my age. But I guess Todd finds things like

that important enough to paint his public identity in all those silly

logos.

I met him in my gym class. That’s kind of a disappointment,

because I already know he likes gym. Maybe if I had science or English

with him, I could find out more, like if he’s good at anything besides

sports. I don’t even know if he’s smart or dumb or somewhere in

between. Before class he always hangs out with the semi-popular kids

on the bleachers, and it’s really hard for me to listen to their

conversations without being obvious about it. I’m pretty sure they talk

about sex a lot, just because most kids do, but they’re discreet about

it. Todd’s friends are the clowny type who are always laughing about

something or other, and some of them are in ASB. A lot of the guys at

my school are skaters and surfers. I don’t think Todd skates. He wears

skate shoes, but they’re not ripped up or anything.

I first started thinking about, like… I first had the idea to find out

more about him when I went to this one school dance. Just so you

know, I never go to school dances, and I only went to this one to see if

Todd showed up. But anyway, at this dance, I see him with some girl
I’ve never seen before. She looks generic and stupid, one of those girls

with blond highlights and a pink Roxy sweater. They’re dancing all

close, and it’s really weird because I never knew Todd had a girlfriend.

I mean, maybe she’s not his girlfriend, I don’t know. But then as I’m

hanging around watching them, I’m wondering if they’re sexually

active. I really want to know. I still have no clue who the girl is, and I

haven’t seen her since that dance.

One of the big questions I have is, Does Todd masturbate? I

think he must. You’d think that too, right? But here’s the thing: he’s

really Christian. I heard him say once that his dad is a deacon. He also

wears this cross around his neck.

You’re probably wondering why I’m so fascinated with normal old

Todd Blake in particular. This isn’t a usual thing for me, okay – I don’t

just get obsessed with random people all the time.

Todd is special because he’s this sort of symbol to me. He

represents everything about human interaction that I don’t get. I

always feel so awkward around kids my age, but Todd has this way of

blending in seamlessly. He complements the conversations they’re

already having without really starting anything new. I heard him say

the thing about his dad being a deacon when we were in the locker

room. It was one of the only times, maybe the only time, that he’s

revealed something personal about himself. Usually he talks about

things like TV or the World Cup, or he just gossips with his friends. But
even his gossip is restrained; you can’t really tell how he feels about

anyone because his comments are all really mundane, like, “That guy

ditches class all the time,” or something like that. And he jokes a lot.

All of his friends are kind of strange in that way, like you really don’t

see much emotion betrayed in their conversations. But at least some

of them will say what pisses them off or whatever, and I never even

hear Todd express anger. He’s always just mellow and sometimes

sarcastic, and half the things he says are quotes from TV and movies.

The popular kids don’t seem as weird to me because they’re

pretty overt about what they do. Like, I know they’re all into dating

and sex, and some of them are into drugs too. A lot of kids at my

school smoke pot, and it’s considered normal. I’d be really surprised if

Todd smoked, but at the same time, I’m pretty sure some of his friends

do. He probably doesn’t because of the whole Christian thing, but you

never know. That’s another thing I’m really curious about. I’ve never

understood how kids start doing drugs, like what goes through

someone’s head when he decides it’s a good idea to smoke a foreign

substance.

Anyway, I’m sorry if this is too much detail. I’m just trying to

explain my side of the story before you jump to conclusions. I can tell

by the way you’re looking at me that you’ve already made up your

mind, and you think I’m crazy. But please – just try to see where I’m

coming from. It was an anthropological thing. I mean, come on –

aren’t you at all curious to listen to the tapes?