BEING A HOCKEY PARENT

A Guide To Being Supportive

2010 edition

HOCKEY AN INVESTMENT?

Hockey costs too much money regardless of where you play. For a top program in Michigan to one in California, ,y you sometimes end up pp paying y g enough g for a nice time-share or maybe y even a second home just to get your child through youth hockey on an annual basis. Regardless of what you spend, you dont buy the rights to make demands. You are paying for an opportunity for your son/daughter (referred to herein as player) to embrace the sport of hockey as a recreation or, in some cases, a career. There are many costs involved in hockey such as; league fees, ice fees, equipment and apparel, coaching fees, travel costs etc. Make sure to ask before the season the following questions so you know what you are getting yourself involved in

How many travel tournaments will you go to (requiring hotel costs of team and coaches)? Wh t additional What dditi l expenses to t the th club l b dues d can you expect? t?

It is common to have goal tin where teams collect money per goal to pay for misc. cost or a team party When teams travel, coaches are paid for by the team members (travel cost, hotel, per-diem) Every tournament is about $1,500 - $2,000 in team entry fees Extra practices- coaches usually charge $50 - $100 per hour for their time (as they are not paid for by the club for such hours)

With there being g money y involved, , it is hard to be a p parent and watch a p player y g go through g hardship. p Why pay for misery right? This presentation will allow you to make a better assessment of how to approach the money vs. value in having your player participate in the toughest but most rewarding sport in hockey. Hockey is an investment for parents who spend too much of their money on it. It is the WRONG approach. Hockey has many cost components. It is not cheap, so just acknowledge that and make decisions that are reasonable to your situation.

HOW DOES YOUTH HOCKEY WORK?

There are several stages a hockey player goes through during his development process. The most p pivotal p part being g that the p player y is at a level he can handle and make a difference, , be it a big or small difference, but the player needs to be able to make plays and stop opponents from making plays to some degree. That being said, these are the options for you;

Mites A, B Squirt A, B Peewee AAA, AAA AA, AA A, A B Bantam AAA, AA, A, B Midget Minor (a.k.a Midget 16U) AAA, AA, A, B Midget Major (a.k.a Midget 18U) AAA, AA, A, B

SCAHA and CAHA put together state teams called Selects where players go through a tryout to ultimately advance to a Nationals Festival held annually at various locations. These teams are age specifics for 13, 14, 15 and 16 year old players.

SCAHA First Round - Southern California and Northern California seperate players register and attend CAHA Second Round - top choices from SCAHA and NORCAL attend this camp Regional Selects Third Round top choices from CAHA camp attend this camp Nationals Top picks nationally attend where they play in front of scouts on mixed teams by age group ** SCAHA select camp is in December each year, go to www.scaha.com for more information

TIER (AAA, AA) VS. TRAVEL (A, B)

Tier hockey has some significant differences from travel hockey

Tier teams usually y travel out-of-state at least twice p per y year Tier teams play against all other state registered teams during the season. Tier only has playoffs at the state level(CAHA). Travel has playoffs for both SCAHA and CAHA. Tier has two hours or more of full ice per week, dryland and more games. Travel usually has one full-ice and one halfice weekly. Tier has national playoffs (AA = state + nationals, AAA = state + regionals + nationals). Travel does not Tier cost more money, here is a typical breakdown;

Travel club dues $2,000+ AA 3,000+ Travel rarely travel by plane AA fly twice a year typically Travel total cost is usually $3,000+ AA 5.000+ Some AAA programs spend a lot of money traveling, it is VERY club specific BEFORE you sign.

AAA $4,000+ (AAA has 3 hours of full ice practice per week) AAA fly 3 8 times per year depending on advancements AAA $8,000 - $25,000 (varies greatly depending on family attendance) depending on the tournaments they enter etc. Make sure to ask questions

AAA vs. AA

AAA hockey is scouted more than AA although, if you are good, you will get noticed at either level AAA hockey is a more comprehensive program, value can be argued and it varies greatly AAA hockey is more role specific and they coach/play to win more aggressively AAA hockey usually play a lot more games than AA. Usually 60 90 games AAA teams are fewer in California (i.e. more travel needed). This year there are two at Bantam and 7 at Midget Minor compared to 10+ AA teams at Bantam and 15+ AA teams at Midget Minor. You will have more teams to play against at home in AA. AAA teams usually play up one age bracket to get more games. Thus, AAA Bantams will play vs. AA Midget Minor teams. teams

WHERE SHOULD MY PLAYER PLAY

This question is one where parents have, and should have, a great influence. It is common to let players decide where they want to play, but their perception of the situation may vary greatly from what would be best for their development as hockey players. Here are some guidelines on how to decide:

Make sure you can afford it. Make a budget and make sure you dont put your family through stress because you want your player to play AAA hockey. There are scholarships available for players who have difficulties and they are handed out depending on hardship and also on what caliber of player your player is. Make sure your player can make a difference at that level. level Too many parents think their player is going to get better if they play with better kids. That is true if they THEMSELVES can make a difference on the ice. Losing most battles and being a liability or filler on a team is not a good idea. PLAYERS DONT LEARN BY NEVER BEING ABLE TO MAKE A PLAY OR HOLD THE PUCK BECAUSE THEY ARE OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE. In hockey, you need to be able to keep up with the speed by being able to make decisions on and off the puck. Some players are two-way forecheckers and role players by nature and if they are fourth liners BUT see ice-time it is something to consider at higher levels. Make sure to speak with the coach, ask what style of hockey he teaches. If your son is a dump-and-chase kind of kid and the coach teaches russian or more european style hockey, then the core concept of the team is not going to be to dump-and-chase and play more American style aggressive hockey. European hockey is based on passing, getting open and systematic whereas Canadian and American is about minimizing mistakes, physicality and high aggressiveness. Be patient, scouts start paying attention at Bantam, but only notice OUTSTANDING players who will ABSOLUTELY know who they are. Dont force it at this level. At Midget Minor, scouting is more comprehensive, tournaments are bigger, and programs promote players more by attending national level tournaments.

It should matter where and at what level your player wants to play. That being said, be reasonable and dont put it off on a coach, if your player made a decision without knowing what was in store regarding expectations, ice-time and even performance. At Tier, players can be moved, recruited (AAA only) l ) and d benched b h d simply i l based b d on ability. bilit It is i a more competitive titi environment, i t make k sure you and your player are ready for that challenge.

I NEED TO MAKE SURE HE/SHE MAKES IT

There is no parent who can push a player into elite hockey who does not want to be an elite hockey yp player. y ALL hockey y kids LOVE hockey, y, but there is a vast difference between p players y who are a fan of the game and the ones who want to beat the game. The ones who are fans of the game want to watch, love to talk about it and are pretty obsessive. The ones who want to beat the game dont talk so much, they work at it, they admire players but want their jobs, they are always trying to figure out the game on their own, they are dedicated, driven and they dont consider practice work work , they don dont t want to do anything else and they can do it for hours in the most strenuous conditions/situations. They are competitive and dont accept losing although they are humble about it. Assist, dont Persist. If you can afford it, expose your player to camps and clinics. But make sure the player wants to be there. there Observe what kind of drive your player has and make decisions accordingly. Dont force it! So, basically enjoy the ride as a parent, dont get involved too much unless your player ASKS you questions. LET THEM ENJOY HOCKEY AS THEIR OWN and dont try to tell them so because you know better. Let them figure y g it out on their own. Monitor and help, p, dont take charge g and steer. The best ones will figure it out and they will HAVE to figure it out at some point or they will not make it. Heart beats talent, but talent and heart beats everything! Let your player be an athlete. If your player is set on hockey, there are still other sports that are great for development of hockey players. It is IMPORTANT to get off the ice in the off-season, maybe just do a skate a week while working on other things that will still excel the game. On the next page, you will find some examples..

COMPLIMENTARY SPORTS (SOME EXAMPLES)

Baseball Hand-eye coordination, strategy, anticipation Soccer Agility, Agility coordination, coordination foot-work, foot work ENDURANCE, ENDURANCE strategy Lacrosse Agility, hand-eye coordination, foot-work, ENDURANCE, strategy Swimming Endurance, development of lung-capacity Football Physicality, y y mental toughness, g agility, g y strategy, gy hand-eye y coordination, foot-work Badminton Excellent for quickness, agility, hand-eye coordination, explosiveness Surfing Balance, endurance (if done at high pace) Basketball Agility, strategy, foot-work, endurance Water polo Endurance, strength, toughness, development of lung-capacity Gym (older players) crucial for development Midget Minor and up. Plyometrics Crucial for any age players, great off-ice workout In-line In line good but does develop some bad habits for hockey players Wrestling Agility, discipline, flexibility, strength, athleticism, physicality, mental toughness Karate Agility, discipline, strength, flexibility, physicality, mental toughness, athleticism

WHY IS MY PLAYER NOT PLAYING

There are four different reasons a player will be sat on the bench during a game

1. The team needs to gain or defend a lead. Players with respective strengths will be used. Occurs at the end of games, depends on what the situation is. is 2. Penalties. Coaches use Special Teams for a short time using Power Play (PP) or Penalty Kill (PK) units. 3. Disciplinary reasons. This is player specific. 4. Lack of performance (being a liability)

Reason 1 and 2 are self explanatory and the COACH has the freedom to use who he pleases to put the TEAM in a situation to succeed. Players need to show in PRACTICE they can handle it. At younger ages, players should be exposed extensively to all situations, BUT at TIER, regardless of age, it is common for players not to be exposed to in game situations but should be given a chance in practice. At older ages, it is very specific. Reason 3. There needs to be communication between the player and coach about what disciplinary reasons were reprimanded. Let the player ask first, as this is a great opportunity for you to let your player deal with adversity at a young age while you (parent) may observe. Usually there is a BIG difference between what was communicated from the coach to the player and what the player tells the parent, since kids want to make their parents proud and it is common they skew the story in their favor. That being said, not all coaches are perfect either regarding their reprimanding behavior. Reason 4. This is often a p problem created by yap parent signing g g his kid up p to p play y for a team where he does not belong, but it can also be that the player is returning from injury, is physically changing, or is going through a rough period causing his executions and/or decision making to be poor. Be patient and let the player get through it. EVERY player has been sat for these reasons in small or big situations. It is impossible to ALWAYS be ON throughout ones career. Repetitive occurrences is the basis for a calm and rational discussion with the coach.

THE 24 HOUR RULE

The 24 hour rule is VERY important. It is there to take emotions out of the discussion. Time will bring g a better p perspective p to the situation, , it will also let the coach self-evaluate his decision and let him get perspective as well. It is important to resolve the situation under normal circumstances and this is what the rule enables. To assure you dont do something you will regret, make sure to adhere to it. If your player is put in a verbal or physical situation, simply separate your son from the situation and go home. Dont speak about the situation with your son until he has calmed down. It is common that players are shaken up and it takes a few hours to come down from the emotional stress. DO NOT franticly ask what happened because a youth player will NOT have perspective and he will be DEFENSIVE regardless of the reason or intent the situation occurred. Ask the following questions:

What has the Coach said about these situations prior to them occurring What was the reason you acted/reacted in such a manner What do you think would make the [other person] act/react in such a manner Given your situation, how do you feel about your reaction/action (the life-lesson trigger) Given the outcome, outcome how would you deal with this if it occurred again (the opportunity to parent your player) Given everything included, how do you [the player] want to deal with this situation (regardless of answer, you should speak with the coach about it). Now you are ready to speak to the Coach/Other as a PARENT/OBSERVER, not as a communicator for your player.

THE PARENT WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE THAT PARENT

Every coach of experience has heard it before. It usually starts with I am not a crazy parent but. which, , if y you think about it, , makes y you even crazier than a crazy yp parent because y you even know it is crazy to bring it up in the first place. At least crazy parents just need to be told and realize they are a little crazy and they are ready to make a change. The parent with the watch

You time your kid and come up and say my kid only saw three minutes in the third period while Jack Black got four minutes more and my kid is better than him. Coaches make TEAM decisions and you are immediately not on the same page by making this argument. The coach will automatically get defensive, whether it is expressed or not. Solution if your player does not play for some reason, revert back to what was discussed as expectations before the season. If you did not ask the questions about this then you should have and you have yourself to blame. Then ask what needs to be improved to avoid being benched in the future. future Be rational in that your player may simply not have the qualities required to be able to handle whatever occurrence that caused the benching. If it happens once, LET IT GO. If it happens several times, have the discussion. You dont BUY ice time, you pay for an opportunity, thats it.

The parent who coaches more than he parents

A perfect plan executed poorly is worse than a poor plan executed perfectly. Let the coach do his job, dont interfere with it. it Instead, Instead try to understand it and help your player perform under that style of coaching. coaching If you coach your player differently, he is guaranteed to fail as the peers will not know what to expect, performance of the line will decrease and a smart coach will figure out the root of the evil and make adjustments (most likely detrimental to your players previous situation). Cheering is good, Steering is bad. Let your player play. Let your player make mistakes and LET THE COACH DEAL WITH IT. Dont stand by the glass and tell him what to do.

THE PARENT WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE THAT PARENT

The parent who thinks its the coachs fault the player is not performing

Sure, , in extreme cases, , there can some correlation between p poor coaching g and lack of confidence in a p player. y That being said, the book Mind Gym written by Gary Mack speaks about confidence as a players mental and physical preparation. This, most surely, does have a correlation with confidence. In hockey, you deal with pressure, expectations and being out of your comfort zone (tryouts, pressure moments). Preparation (mental and physical practice) will enable you to deal with such key aspects much better. If you really believe you are good, and a coach tells you that you are not playing good, you simply man up and make a difference, or die trying, trying proving him/her wrong. wrong If you are thinking you are not good and a coach tells you that you are not playing good, you will shut down and it is because YOU did not prepare enough to think you were good enough to play. Confidence is a very big adversary for any player. Even professionals deal with it frequently. The first one Ron Artest thanked after winning his first title with the Lakers in 2010 was his sport psychologist. That is because confidence is completely in your control, BUT you have to be mentally tough to be able to bring it out of you constantly. Pressure, media, expectations, failure etc. will throw a players confidence in many directions, but if you are and feel prepared there is really nothing that can throw you off your drive and determination. Why did the Miracle on Ice happen = preparation. The whole hockey world told them they would lose but they were determined they would not and they felt prepared enough to win i.e. confident they could do it. It is not what Herb Brooks said, it is what he did and it was not warm and cuddly. For the mental preparation aspect of confidence, read books such as the Mind Gym or Hockey Tough to get insight into the minds of great coaches and athletes. For physical preparation, consult with coaches, trainers and any other source of information you can get a hold of and GET TO WORK!!! Confidence is within you, if you plant its roots deep enough you would die before having it taken away by somebody else.

IS IT REALLY A GOOD IDEA? THEN WHY YELL IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD?

Cmon kid, hit somebody!!!!

Players need to win battles, hitting is not the only tool to win battles. Winning the situation is more important. Sure, physicality is important but what if your player goes and d HITS somebody b d and d that th t causes a break-away b k f another for th opponent t while hil you jump j f joy for j as your player l observes b hi target his t t on the th ground. d Is I that th t really a good idea?

Pass the Puck!!!!

It is not always the best idea to pass the puck. It is usually good to pass the puck to get the opponents to make mistakes position wise BUT it is not always the solution. Let your player make decisions and LET YOUR COACH DEAL WITH IT.

You Suck REF!!!!

Is this what you tell the police officer when he pulls you over so you can avoid getting a ticket? Referees are human beings, they have emotions involved ESPECIALLY in youth hockey and they will use it. Dont think you dont influence a referee from the other side of the glass where he will make more calls against your players team just to piss you off. Simply put, the referee will NOT EVER change his mind and he you cant do anyhing about it. LEAVE IT ALONE.

SHOOT!!!!

By yelling this you create a state of panic for the player. This will make the following happen

Hasty approach, less wind-up, less awareness of peripheral options, less likely to hit the target. The ONLY time it would be good to yell something like this is if there is 1 second left in the period/game and the player is unaware.

Kill Him, Take Them Out!!!!

You are now creating havoc in the stands by encouraging intent to injure. This is a very bad place to go as you not only set a bad example as a parent, but also represent the sport in a very poor way. Get a grip!

C Cmon C Coach h

Now you are representing against the team and its program. If you want to come back, you just told every bystander that the Coach is not very good so why would they come to play for him. If you dont want to come back, simply as for a release and keep it to yourself. The hockey world is small so dont burn your bridges.

Enjoy the game as it is a long journey. If you have a lot to say, become a coach and make a difference.

MANAGERS LEARN TO LOVE THEM

Managers are the engine of the team. They enable the team to enjoy good coaching as the coach can focus on coaching g and not filling g out endless p paperwork p and dealing g with every y little concern. Managers dont have to do what they do. Managers are the sounding board of the parents regarding administrative tasks. They also deal with concerns and complaints, but ONLY if they are forwarded with respect and dignity. Managers become representatives of the program and the team, team you should deal with them accordingly. Managers will coordinate with the coaches with the intent of enhancing the program. Coaches dont want to deal with the tasks of the Team Manager. They will protect them to keep them around unless it is not in the teams best interest to do so. so Managers dont run a business, they simply manage deposits and pay them to the respective recipients, fill out forms and manage administration. If you have a question, ASK it dont DEMAND it. Anyone being treated with courtesy usually reciprocates. Think about it. All this being said, said if you have a problem with a manager, manager simply forward a complaint to the board or coach and discuss it in a professional manner.

HOCKEY IS A LIFESTYLE

Colleges put aside athletes separately, as they have greater character than regular students. They have been use to representing p g something gg greater than themselves, , much like a hiring g corporation, p , and they can deal better with adversity, pressure, conflict and have better discipline. You have a great opportunity to see your player get fired (benched) and hired (special teams, tryouts) at a very young age. Observe, dont interfere. Life is full of challenges like this so take the opportunity to help your player deal with the adversity. Try to avoid making excuses, life is not always fair, and that goes the same for hockey. Let your player find ways to overcome the challenge, try to see if they can handle various situations on their own. Then communicate with the Coach and make sure your guidance is in alignment with the team (does not always apply depending on the situation). Hockey players are generally known for being humble warriors. They are fierce on the ice, but VERY professional and down-to-earth off the ice. As these humble warriors develop, they have to go through a lot of tough times and it is not always easy to watch. As a parent, be patient, as most coaches know what they are doing since they teach from their own experiences, so they know what it takes to realize the the dream dream. One thing being sure hockey players develop a good grasp on life and they usually develop the ability to set goals and try to achieve them, no matter what it is. They are stubborn and they believe in themselves until proven wrong, then they will try again.