You ride into town at high noon.

Been a long and weary journey, across the great state of Arizona. The old Chevy is exhausted, barely managing to ee! on its secondhand tires, themselves worn out from miles on end of steaming as!halt. "t has !robably nown much better days in its youth. #evertheless, you$re ta ing real good care of it in its golden years, carefully s%ueezing every last dro! of life force left in its !uny engine. &hoenix itself a!!ears to be about the biggest ghost town imaginable. Tumbleweed, which should have at least been tumbling, across dusty roads stretching in all directions and as far as the eye can see, seems to have been stri!!ed of even that most basic of functions by the lac of even the slightest suggestion of wind in the air. 'ho!s and diners a!!ear com!letely de!rived of any ind of human activity. As a matter of fact, in an hour or so of driving around town you$ve yet to have encountered even a single fellow human being. #o wonder, though. "t must be about (() degrees in the shade, had there been a s!ot of shade anywhere to be found. *f course, the Chevy Chavette has no functioning air conditioning+ yet rolling the windows down relieves none of the heat, while suc ing in so much dust that you$d sooner steam yourself silly rather than cho e to death. You finally hit u!on an agreeable motel, rundown enough for your li ing and situated within a symbolic !atch of yellowish green, at a decent enough distance from the bul y concrete monstrosities that ma e u! most of this !art of town. At this !oint, though, you$re too drained to care about much, other than a cold shower, an air conditioned room and a well overdue acclimatization. By the time you ma e it from the !ar ing lot and into the rece!tion, you$ve already seen your entire life dehydrating before your eyes. A comatosed rece!tionist hands over the eys to your very own gate of ni!!y heaven, only nine short ste!s away, yet each with a s!ecified hellish circle all to its own.

You endure the journey only by focusing the remains of your energy fumes on that good old friend, inanimately awaiting your reunion right beyond that gate. ,od bless -B*, a traveler$s true best friend+ an absolute life saver. You ain$t gonna leave the room for at least a cou!le of days now, and don$t even care about sharing the one double bed with your faithful traveling buddy, even at the ris of wa ing u! in the middle of the night and finding yourself accidentally and lovingly s!ooning him. Forget about sightseeing in infernal Phoenix, the both of you agree. This God forsaken place had gotta be the closest possible thing to hell on earth. ... "t$s early days of summer+ right after the sun has regained its su!remacy u! in the s y, yet just before its newly gained !ower will turn it into a blazing tyrant. The gates of /iami Air!ort o!en u! li e a clam, inviting you to bath in the glory of a nation still untouchable. The #ew 0orld is an oyster in your mouth, retaining lubricious !ossibilities and glittering with !romise. 'helter from the admirably !unctual afternoon tro!ical storms is !rovided by your dear aunty and uncle in 1a e 0orth, themselves a !art of the steady migration wave of elder fol s, who wish to comfortably die under these most moderate of conditions. Together with an army buddy, who decided to join in on this lag of the journey, you$ve !urchased a brand old, used and chea! automobile, covered the first insurance !ayment, yet harbor no !lans whatsoever of footing for the rest of 2em. 3or, if there$s anything you$ve learned during your esca!ades in 'outh America, it$s that investing too much money in a car is !retty much the same as buying a stairway straight to hell. 4nfortunately, your desire to ex!lore lively, sexy /iami has been su!erseded by an even greater desire to fully recover from an exceedingly turbulent case of food !oisoning. Then again, you don$t really mind s i!!ing it for the time being, for in your heart you already now that you$d be bac to these !arts somewhere along the trail of this journey+ a voyage for which you see no conclusion anymore.

-eading northbound, along endless avenues of graceful !alm trees, the two of you s!end your time catching u! on the numerous ventures that trans!ired in each other$s lives over the !ast eighteen months. The joy of finally being able to utterly be yourself, in the com!any of a friend who fully acce!ts you for who you are, and without the constant need to ma e a favorable im!ression, is so overwhelming you don$t even notice the journey has ended, even well after you$ve already reached your destination. The fact is, you$ve been driving across the enormous !ar without even realizing that, after years of dreaming about this moment+ eagerly fantasizing about this !lace as children, the two of you are already well within the magical domain that is 5isney 0orld. ... And then, there were four, driving into town, in a freshly re!aired tra!6on6wheels you should have nown better than to trust in the first !lace. Then again, all that was lost was less6than6!recious time, while what was gained was two new friends. That !iece of jun they$re traveling in is now rolling into 7l &aso, Texas+ delivering a bunch of eager adventurers into the stimulating embrace of the first real city they$ve had the good fortune to lay eyes on in a while. *nce two !airs of excitable trun 6!ac ers artfully settle into a single, double bedded motel room, they immediately hit the town in search of tacos and circus. About one hour and two dozen crunchy shelled delicacies later, this !osse enters a downtown nightclub, in search of mischievous !ossibilities of the 86rated nature. 0ith about three gals to every cowboy, this nightclub seems to be !recisely the ind of !lace to be searching in. Therefore, in they settle and bashfully commence scanning the room, drooling from one gorgeous beauty to the next. 3inally, across the dance floor, a stra!!ing female is s!otted, smiling bac at them, and the dominant al!ha6male of the !ac sets out to ex!lore this uncharted territory. A short while later he stumbles bac , as white as a ghost and feverishly trembling. *nly after a few drin s manage to loosen his tongue, does he finally bring himself to utter a single sentence.

9'he$s a frea ing man:; he whis!ers+ only this, and nothing more. You stare across the room and watch this stunning woman, still beaming bac at you, therefore find this statement of his sim!ly inconceivable. #ot half as attractive, nor half as homo!hobic, you decide to find out the truth for yourself. You cross over, leaving gas!ing mates behind, and a!!roach a goddess of divine sexuality, who silently acce!ts your invitation and follows you on to the dance floor. Those !erfect breasts, these narrow thighs and firm buttoc s, are now swaying gently in your arms, while your eyes loc with this doe6eyed mulatta. Why, if theres a shred of truth to all these allegations, then the una oidable conclusion !ust be that the perfect "o!an "ould e idently be a !an, you reflect, while admiring the graceful nec + the most adorable Adam$s a!!le. 90hat$s your name<; you finally in%uire. 9=erome,; follows the re!ly, in a rather more throaty voice than you would have !referred. ... You$ve got four days !asses to 5isney 0orld in *rlando, and about half of it has already been wasted, %ueuing to what is said to be the best ride in /agic >ingdom. You and your buddy have been rotating between various small, childish, artfully boring rides and this mile long %ueue+ an endless multitude of irritating little brats, irritable !arents, !lus a cou!le of dazed young men, somewhere in between. 3inally, you catch a glim!se of the light at the end of the tunnel. 'omewhere within actual eyeshot is where this %ueue ends and the big joy of the 'mall 0orld begins. /oments later, your buddy returns from yet another 2thrilling$ rollercoaster ride, which a!!arently left what little hair he still has on his head com!letely unstirred. You bite into the ice cream he thoughtfully bought you for a small fortune, and !ray you$ll ma e it to the ride before a tro!ical storm might !ass through. *n the !revious day, you guys ha!!ened to s!ot an only moderately sized %ueue, which means the end was actually within sight, though vaguely so. ,ladly attaching

yourselves to its tail, you s!ent your time together, trying to guess what wonderful attraction might be awaited within %ueue$s reach. A cou!le of hours later, you ended u! being rewarded for your efforts with a signature from a man, dressed as a smug, oversized rat. But this one is your grand reward+ the jac !ot of all that 0alt has to offer. #ow, ra!idly a!!roaching the !ot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you feel giddy, almost childli e. Tears begin to flow into your eyes, as the last few !eo!le still standing between you and %ueue6end vanish. *nly a few more ste!s now and divine illumination suddenly engulfs you. As the blinding light subsides, the first thing you see is a corner. Beyond that corner, the very same %ueue continues, stretching all the way to what a!!ears to be yet another curve. Tra!!ed and devastated, you o!en your mouth to scream, but all that comes out of it is a wea whim!er of bro en down dreams. ... You slowly begin to surface from the sweet realm of an American dream. The first thing that stri es the senses, all of them at once, if such a thing is in any way !ossible, is the sour stench of body odor, dirty soc s and faded farts. As soon as a vague recollection of reality sin s in+ the ind of reality in which you$re sharing a tiny, unvented motel room with three other men, you can$t hel! feeling somewhat sorry for yet another !erfectly good morning erection gone to waste. Your buddy is lying in bed next to you, already watching some shitty movie on -B*. The other two are also in the !rocess of wa ing u!+ one already engaged in the first out of his four daily teeth brushings, while the other is still in bed, scratching his balls. This s!ecific habitational establishment you are all sharing has been carefully selected for having the least functioning letters in its neon sign, hence is actually a /*7 rather than a motel. You stretch, yawn and get the obsessive brusher to hurriedly evacuate the washroom by ta ing a lea right in front of him. The slammed door muffles his !rotests, while you wash your face and ta e a good loo in the mirror.

Whos that long haired freak staring back at !e# you wonder. $o % kno" hi! fro! so!e"here# Tur ish coffee is already brewing on the mini gas stove, by the time you rejoin your traveling com!anions. And so, you light u! a morning smo e and try to come u! with something to do for the rest of the day. /ore than a wee has !assed since you needed to !ull into 3ort 'toc ton, Texas, which !robably used to be a one horse inda town, before even that horse died, most li ely of severe boredom. A few minor, yet necessary, re!airs to the Buic they bought from a guy, who nows a guy, who nows a guy inda deal bac in -ouston. 9Two days to!s, till we$ll get the !arts,; !romised the honest mechanic. -owever, the !arts haven$t even arrived yet. Although there$s fuc all to do in this dead end town, !eo!le seem awfully busy most of the time. 7veryone around you seems devoted at all times to the ma ing of another buc , only so that they$ll be able to buy some more stuff their televisions tell them to. 2You are what you own$ is the dominating+ tailor made value round here, " guess, which ma es just bumming around stand out li e a lazy eye. Your army buddy has been watching films on -B* for three days straight by now, and seems %uite content to ee! on doing so. Al!ha s!ends most of his time at the diner, getting much more than just a coffee refill from the attractive young waitress, herself the !restigious runner u! /iss 3ort 'toc ton two years in a row. -is friend is hanging around the diner as well, scavenging for scra!s. You$re fuc ed if you can understand how come, though, for he himself is a rather decent loo ing fellow, with really nice teeth and all. /aybe just a bit low on self6esteem. As for yourself, you s!end most of your days at the garage, ee!ing an eye on your ride, while !racticing your '!anish with the /exicans and maintaining the fair bit of mechanical s ills you$ve !ic ed u! along the way. *ccasionally, you all hoo u! at the diner, chat to !eo!le attracted by your exotic foreignness and try to have a good time. That waitress ee!s on !romising to bring some

of her girlfriends along, but all the action you$ve seen so far has been two ancient, toothless se&oras, who ended u! fondling your buddy. 1ocal fol s sure are nice enough, friendly and remar ably ind, though somewhat on the slow and rather dull side of things. But then again, what do you ex!ect, when you s!end your entire life in a !lace that a!!arently fell off the wagon of time, or maybe sim!ly neglected to ho! on it to begin with. ... " swear to ,od that if "$ll be forced to %ueue u! one more time, "$ll go com!letely mental and start ta ing 5isney figures out one by one, with a rifle. =ust had to %ueue u! for half an hour, only so " could use the toilets. All this sweet, adorable, cute fluff all around ma es me wanna !u e. But "$ll be fine, just as long as "$ll stay away from all forms of commercial iddy sedation. 5on$t wanna eat no /ic ey sha!ed ice creams, buy &eter !ens nor !lay with 5onald$s dic . By the time we stumbled onto yesterday$s jac !ot attraction+ the ride we s!ent half a day %ueuing u! for+ 5isney$s 0orld renowned 2' a 0onderful 0orld, we were halfway unconscious, and the better half at that. 'hoved into tea cu!s, we were only !artly aware of being ta en on a journey amongst s%uea y little dolls, all dressed u! and with nowhere to get but straight on my nerves. As adults, we don$t wanna be Twirling amidst miniature figurines that are cutting down miniature rainforests, while crooning their ta e on the size of the world: Then again, the iddies sure did seem to be enjoying the show. 'hame we$re not ids no more. 'im!ly getting too old for this schei?e, ( " guess. "t$s just that we had such high ex!ectations, that when we crushed against the hard surface of reality, it bro e every wisdom tooth we had left. #o ex!ectations, no disa!!ointments. "t may sound li e a harsh motto, yet often in life, you$re much more li ely to a!!reciate whatever ha!!ens, only if you let go of all !ro!hetic illusions of control over the future.

'hit @,ermanA

1uc ily enough, "$ve managed to convince my gentle6buddy, who$s been holding on to his inner child more tightly than ", to admit defeat and agree to sell the last day on our tic ets to some other suc er. 'ometimes in life, it is as im!ortant to now when to %uite as it is to now how to !ersist, isn$t it< ... 3our days !assed you by+ four well6chilled days, !added with cushy films and soft !orn. 3our whole days has gone by, since you rode into &hoenix with the best of intentions, yet sim!ly could not bring yourselves to brave the blazing heat outside. Aside from occasional sallies to the "n6#6*ut Burger round the corner, you stuc to the AC li e glue and su!!ressed any desire to sto! sniffing. -owever, all good things must come to an end, and there$s no better thing in the whole wide world than one$s own !atience. Besides, your journey is still long+ long and !erha!s !ros!erous, so sooner or later, one has to also now how to !ersist. Your bags have been !ac ed since yesterday, when a whole marathon of 8ena, the 0arrior &rincess, which commenced on ' y #etwor , interfered with your best of intentions. Today, though, you$re fresh out of excuses. The future holds the sweet !romise of standing witness to the world$s grandest hole in the ground+ beyond that, ireful vines stretch all the way to the Atlantic *cean. All you need to do then is ste! into the road, ee! your feet, and there is no telling where you might be swe!t off to.