You ride into town at low dusk.

Been a long and largely uneventful journey across the great Golden State. However, once you arrive at your final destination at long last, the marvelous daily display of natural expressionism that is sunset over the city of angels welcomes you with open arms. hroughout your journey, you were thinking how nice everything is in !alifornia. "ever cold, and fruit everywhere, and people living in little white houses, among the orange trees. Gonna get me a whole big bunch of grapes off a bush, or whatever, and Im gonna squash em on my face and let em run down my chin. he old !hevy is valiantly holding on, doing a rather decent jo# for a lady her age. $ith an occasional cough, she%s rolling the #oth of you across &entura Highway, through traffic thin and thick, and into "orth $estern 'os (ngeles. Your army #uddy rolls the window down, letting the wind run through whatever%s left of a once magnificent, fri))y mane of hair. Since #oth of you are *uite ecstatic to finally reach this promised land+ to end a journey somewhat somnolent and monotonous at time, there%s little surprise that your spirits are a#out as high as your level of anticipation. ,nto San -ernando &alley you roll, cruising &an "uys Blvd in search of a suita#le .,/ for the night. Bits and pieces of information indicate that if cheap, trashy and low0 key is what you%re after, this is just the place to #e searching in. Bright and early the next morning, the two of you initiate an extensive apartment hunt in this unfamiliar ur#an jungle. By that very same evening, you%ve already o#tained a place to park your #ehinds, unpack your #ackpacks and call home. $hat you get is an empty little unit in a slea)y looking complex, smelling of tacos and surrounded #y what might very well have #een the inspiration for Grand heft (uto. "evertheless, the rent is cheap and the deal hassle0free. $hat more could you ask for1 ( patch of sta#le ground under your feet, after four whole months on the road, and a mattress to call your own. hat%s 2#out all a man needs, really.

hanks to this culture of plenty, which has #ecome the (merican way of life, mattresses are soon found on the side of a near#y road, spring #oxes and all. ( second cruising of the neigh#orhood also furnishes the two of you with a couch, a sofa and a 345 color &. ( third cruising, however, already seems to attract unnecessary attention from local gang mem#ers. (nd so, you decide to call it a day, #olt yourselves in and allow for decompression to take its course. /very silver lining comes with an annoying little cloud, though. ,ddly enough, a social security num#er is re*uired for this or that part of the renting administration. 6uite a #it of a snag for a couple o% foreign #oys on a strictly temporal tourist visa to the 7S and all. However, the trick used to #e a rather simple one. (fter passing the theoretical #it for a learner%s permit, you could apply for a local driver%s license, hence receiving a temp SS num#er for the driving test in the process. he test itself you skip, much the same as did with the rest of the insurance payments for the !hevy, yet gladly keep the num#er. How different the 7S used to #e, #ack in the days, #efore it was thrown into this state of catatonic paranoia. $hy, a drifter eager to see the wonders of the "ew $orld used to #e a#le to do just that, and with ease, plus even #e a#le to discreetly finance his journey. 'ife sure was un#eara#ly easy and li#erty more than just a hollow word+ justice really was for all and the pursuit of happiness, not just for the privileged few. herefore, a couple of days after you #ecame a 2!alifornian resident%, you already manage to nail a jo# with one of the many companies keeping the city in motion, allowing you to start saving up for the next lag of the journey. "ot doing anyone no harm, you simply do the kind of jo#s hardly any natural #orn Yankee would #e willing to do, and for less pay than he would #e willing to get for any kind of jo# to #egin with. 'ow pay or not, an (merican minimum wage can still carry you a mighty long way around most other parts of the world+ and a long way you%ve still got8 999

$ith each and every muscle in your #ody way off its expiration point, panting like a sloth after a three days orgy, you finally collapse #y the side of the truck, gra# your pack, s*uee)e one out with trem#ling hands and frantically light up this emergency smoke+ this last straw keeping your mind from #eing lost, and your #ack from #eing #roken. :t must have #een that ca#inet wood monstrosity that finally did you in. ough enough to handle with the #est of crews, today you%ve got yourself a rookie who can%t seem to #e a#le to keep the damn thing straight long enough for you to gra# a good hold. hen there are all these freakin% slippery stairs+ the perpetual dolly with the #roken wheel, compliment of a wanna#e moving company that invests nothing, yet expects everything+ on top of seven previous hours of nonstop hard la#or. Yet, what really drives you out of your mind are all these si#lings, popping up under your feet, running amok all over the place, claiming to #e lending a hand+ to #e helping you speed up the hourly levied jo#, while in fact doing little else #ut to get in your way, in your face and on your nerves. Should have reali)ed something fishy was going on, the minute you stepped into the office this morning. hinking #ack, you now recall several senior foremen, usually eager for work, just hanging around, doing nothing much, while this particular $estmond contract was handed to you, only a couple of months on the force and as clueless as a turkey invited for !hristmas dinner. (fter #eing lost for a long while in South '(, running into places even the homas Guide would have nothing to do with, you finally managed to locate damn $estmond+ round the edge of the spectrum prism, where all colors turn dark. "ext thing you knew, you were #eing paraded through a museum of the history of prejudice, where each and every possi#le stereotype ever attri#uted to the (frican (merican was carefully and proudly #eing preserved. -rom golden chains to ;-! #uckets, you immediately reali)ed you were definitely not in ;ansas any more, and you ain%t got no ru#y slippers to get you outta this mess either. hen there%s the si)e of the furniture+ Humongous pieces of filthy, useless junk, to #e precise. hen again, < here%s nuffin% to worry 2#out85 #ig mama reassures you, since they <wanna move only a few things.5

By the time you%re finished #reaking your poor #ack on the 2few things% they wanted you to move, sweating chicken #uckets, yet keeping a friendly grin, they now <8wanna move only a few more things.5 hen there was that gigantic #ed frame papa was supposed to take apart himself, only that he was too #usy watching foot#all instead, sprawled right in the middle of the living room you were #usy deconstructing. (fter all, He is <paying you good money to move this shit,5 you agree, in a professional manner. (nd so, you simply <carry on fucking movin% this stuff=5 "ow, that every dinosaurian piece of furniture has #een safely tucked into their new home, remarka#ly similar to what was their previous one, and only a distance of a few #locks away+ now that the jo# is over and done with, there remains only one last duty you, as the foreman, are o#liged to perform. $ith great effort, you pull yourself #ack to your feet, discreetly approach the man of the house and politely in*uire as to the tip. <(s to the wha%=15 he #ellows. < he :>,5 you refuse to #ack down. <Something for all our effort.5 But, of course, they were the ones who did all the work, we over0charge to #egin with and the whole thing took twice as long as it should have. <-ine,5 you give in, <#e that way.5 You want to turn and leave, #ut he%s already off the handle. You cautiously #ack up instead, while he heads into the house, screaming for his goddamn gun. You signal the other guy to forget a#out the folding of the #oxes+ to just shut the #ack of the truck real *uick and get his ass upfront pronto, #ut he%s looking #ack at you with his #ig cow eyes, pro#a#ly anticipating a handsome tip. By the time you turn on your heels and flee, the entire tri#e is already coming out of the house, with their furious chieftain in the lead. 'eaving the #ack of the truck wide open, you sei)e the #ig dope, toss him into the front seat, gra# the steering wheel and #ail out, with one hell of a skid mark all across their front lawn, just as a housewarming gift. Guess : can also #e 2that way% sometimes. 999

he anti*uated truck is #ellowing like a galloping #east, struggling against complete and utter #reak down with all that%s left in its rusty #ones. Before heading out of your head*uarters in "orth '(, you made sure everything was in working order. You checked the dollies and the appliance, made sure there%s enough packing material, that the carton #oxes are neatly tied in the #ack of the truck, verified the tank was full and even fixed the left turn #linkers. he rest is in the hands of fortune. You%ve just taken the ?owntown exit off the 3@3, onto "orth Broadway Street, when the mammoth starts violently rocking, as if /lvis was making a come#ack inside the cavity of its engine. hen, much like the ;ing himself, it comes to an a#rupt standstill. <.ust #e out of patrol,5 says the sturdy .exican, who%s your crew for this jo#. < ero, esta lleno!53 you point at the fuel gauge, sternly indicating a full tank. < his thing don%t work right,5 he only now remem#ers to mention. <Aight, pende"o.B You go and find a gas station then=5 you instruct him. Soon enough, he locates one a#out a couple of miles down the road. You try starting the truck up again, and miraculously enough, your attempt proves successful. So, you *uickly put it into gear and #egin racing towards your salvation and against further delay of contract. "evertheless, a#out a mile later, even the fumes #urn out, and the engine dies out on you again. his time it does so while you%re doing sixty miles per hour down a #usy main road. 7nfortunately, when the hydraulic engine on one of these old monsters ceases to function, so does the #rake system8 (nd so, you frantically pump the pedal, with no apparent effect, reach for the hand#rake, pull it all the way up, #ut instead of slowing down, are rewarded with yet another #it of trivial info 0 that damn thing don%t work right either. #top this fuc$in truc$, I wanna get off! the reali)ation of how screwed you really are finally sinks in. !oming up ahead is a major junction, with three lanes of cars, whi))ing one way and the other, right in front of a charging eight ton truck that%s out of control.
3 B

But, it is full= CSpanishD (sshole CsameD

Hysterically wrestling with the gearstick, in a desperate attempt to #rake the #east, you see one car stopping+ another speeding past+ yet notice a third, a crumpled up old metal #ox on wheels, casually riding towards certain collision. %uc$! %uc$!! %uc$!!! :n the #ack of the unfortunate automo#ile sits a kid, #usy engaging his mom, who%s apparently not paying much attention to him, nor to the road. ime slows down to a crawl and silence, as pure and a#solute as ?eath itself, clears all thought from your mind. 'ike a spectator, you are there to just sit tight and watch, as you tear into the junction in s l o w motion, t h e and f i n a l l y c a r , c r o s a c o l l i d e, w h s i t l e h e h e a d t h e a i s o n, l e w i t h i . . s . i n e r t k i d

g l i d i n g

(ll at once, motion regains its normal velocity, while sound comes #ack to life. Still in a #reathless state of panic, one hand locked tight onto the steering wheel, the other onto the gearshift, you snap out of your momentary paralysis, jump out of the truck and run over to the other car. (ll you wanna see are live people, and live people you do see. he car%s a total loss, its passengers severally shaken, #ut no one is harmed. he relief you experience can only #e descri#ed #y the color of Belief, then survival instinct kicks in. he truck is now #locking the entire junction and there%s gonna #e hell to pay once the police gets here. <Eust get your ass away from there right away=5 is your #oss% very first reaction, once you manage to call him and report the most unfortunate turn of events. <>olice will #e there any minute now, you%ve got no license to #e driving a truck, no permit to #e working in the 7nited States to #egin with, and a #utt too cute for prison. Go home= $e%ll handle this. ake it easy, shake it off and we%ll see you #ack at work in a couple of days.5 $ell, what else can you do1 Still shaken, #ut not stirred, you go #ack home, try to take it easy, shake the whole thing off, and a couple of days later 0 Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho, it%s off to work you go. 999

&pen your eyes' . . -rom the shallow waters of a !ari##ean seashore, where all things go to rest, echo the #ree)y voice of a remaining link to reality. . (mon, open your fuc$in eyes! )ight fuc$in now! he earth all around you #egins to shake, coconuts drop like cannon#alls from their treetops and you force yourself #ack to the surface. -irst thing you reali)e, once your eyes slide open, ena#ling reality to engulf you once more, is that the earth all around you really is shaking. $hat more, you are not on your comfy hammock, as envisioned, #ut are actually driving a 70Haul truck, packed with valua#le possessions and towing a #rand new oyota, through the wide ditch in #etween the two opposed roadways that form :nterstate 3@. (cross the seat from to you, your army #uddy is sleeping tight, #enefit of the, apparently somewhat theoretical, fact that you were supposed to #e wide awake and making progress on your long0distance journey from !alifornia to exas. $ell, at least you%re getting the second part done, you admit, hit the #rakes and simply remain in a state of #lissful shock, once the truck comes to a full stop in the middle of that steep ditch. *y god, you really shouldnt be allowed to drive at all! you apprehend. Had more car accidents in a few years than most people would have had in a life time. 'eft a trail of reckless driving, car wrecks and near death experiences across the (mericas that would impress any smalltime revolutionary, and your luck must #e running very thin #y now. 'ightly tapping his shoulder, you attempt explaining the situation to your drowsy #uddy, yet find the visual image to #e worth a thousand explanatory words. hen, once reality has fully kicked in, you slowly drive the truck out of the ditch, off the highway and into a near #y grove.

$hen you finally get to estimate the damage, you find nothing has #een #roken in the #ack, yet the car has #een mildly scratched #y gravel. (ll n% all, far more luck than #rains, you #oth agree. !ould have #een a whola lot worse, #eing that you%ve just #een sleep0driving a six ton truck right through the middle of a #usy highway and all. Been driving in shifts for two and a half days #y now, and should have taken a decent rest. "evertheless, you were #oth too eager to finish the jo# *uickly+ too eager for your own good. 'uckily enough, you%ve still got that joint a fellow trucker gave you at the last truck stop you visited. Grateful for life%s little treats, you light it up, sit #ack and allow sweet .ary E. to calm your nerves. %uc$ all this! +a$ing this "ob more easily shouldnt be such a bad idea after all. ,ouve let greed get the better of you both, you finally come to reali)e. (s the smoke settles in, you #oth also come to reali)e how very tired you really are. :t%s not just the long drive+ the lack of sleep+ the overwhelming #oredom. :t stretches #eyond the four months of grueling la#or+ the long hours+ the heavy lifting+ the !hevy, which has started demanding a push start at the end of a long working day. ,n top and #eneath all that, you%ve also gotten tired of each other%s company, of this friendship, stretching too thin for its own good. Should have known #etter than to travel with a friend for such a long time. Seen #est of lovers, couples of numerous of years, ending up sitting on opposite sides of the room, radiating anger and contempt, after mere few months of traveling together. he intensity of #eing up each other%s ass twenty four seven, so to speak, under such fluky circumstances would give even the most solid of human #onds the runs. +he two of us never stood a chance to begin with, you now grasp, and are also planning on doing (entral -merica together, for fuc$s sa$es. ?on%t get me wrong, you love the guy, you really do. You%ve always #een very different in your personalities, your interests and attitudes, that%s true. But, that only made your friendship of five years more interesting+ #etter #alanced and more rewarding.

He%s always #een there for you and allowed you to simply #e yourself, #ut has always #een a pushover as well, a fact which you actually liked a#out him, #ut is now getting on your iron nerves. he nerves of someone who got #etter at pushing people around. $hen you%ll finally reach your destination 0 San (ntonio, in the heart of exas, the poor oyota will clatter so horri#ly wrong, like a rattlesnake on an epileptic attack, you%ll feel real #ad for the amia#le costumer, who apparently got much more gravel than he #argained for. Your company shall #e forced to get involved and clean up the mess after you, again. *ais, c.est la vie/ sometimes. #till, you think to yourself, during the somewhat silent ride #ack to 'os (ngeles, dont really care if Ill finally get $ic$ed off the wor$ing force this time around. ired of working and eager to #e #ack on the road, you%ve #een saving up real well, living on the cheap side of things, and are a#out ready to give up this life of comfort and la#or, for the sakes of one more adventurous and less predicta#le. hen again, Is he ready as well0 you ponder. 999 Eust a routine visa renewal detour, very last one for the States this time around. (s you%re traveling on your /uropean passport, granting you a hassle0free three months tourist visa, yet demanding a su#stantial departure for extending the duration of your stay, you%ve simply #een ignoring the 2su#stantial% part of the deal, crossing over to .exico each time, loosing this green slip they attach to your passport, and getting a new one, plus three more months visa. ,h, if only everything in life was that simple. ( few of the guys were heading down to ijuana for a day, just #efore yet another expiration of welcome was due. (nd so, emerging on the other side of a wanna#e cra)y, yet rather too timid even for slightly #onkers, kinda night at the official .exican kingdom of Gringolean sinful delights, you finally end up at the 7S #order crossing, for a routine immigration control procedure. >ractically an a#omination of natural li#erty even civil li#erty cannot excuse, this #ranch of the new age goon s*uad is there to tell those allowed to walk a certain portion
F

But, that%s life C-renchD

of the earth from those denied that natural right. "othing short of a primitive form of feudalism, they would shoot you not just for hunting in the king%s forest, #ut also for merely taking a stroll within its #orders. hen again, it%s a well0known fact that no one has any pro#lem with the ?utch, hence all your previous attempts of crossing that fence, #y means of this particular foxhole, have gone without a hitch. hen again, this particular immigration officer is taking way too long this time, going through your passport page #y page, that you%re starting to get slightly flustered here. (nd for a good reason, too. ,nce he encounters entry stamp after entry stamp, he waves you into the pobre1 .exican room, known #y that name simply for containing a whole lotta poor .exicans, detained and denied entry to the land of opportunities. +his time, youre truly fubared!2 Here you are, sitting in a small room, among lots of whimpering, fuming, praying and pleading immigrants, which, for some reason or another, were officially declared illegal. You ain%t #etter than any of them, /uropean nationality or not, and you damn well know it. Still, your #rain is feverishly trying to work its way around this huge glitch in the grand scheme of things+ this machine in the ghost, yet is capa#le of coming up with diddlys*uat. <Got a flight leaving from '( in five days85 you try to convince the officer in charge, though it o#viously ain%t for real. hen again, six grand in green you managed to save, tacked under the mattress, which in turn is situated inside a flat that hardly differs from a waiting hall at a #usy train station, is real enough, yet hardly disclosa#le at this point. <Show me=5 he insists, slamming the gates of this copious vineyard in your face. "evertheless, he does leave you with a crack #etween the #arriers+ a crack #arely wide enough for road kill to s*uee)e through. (ll you%ve gotta do is throw yourself onto the road and pray for a #ig enough truck to #e passing #y.

4 G

>oor CSpanishD -ucked up #eyond all recognition

Your friends are still waiting on the right side of the #order, while you are #usy convincing an uncle in >asadena to #ook a fully refunda#le flight ticket, fax it #ack to your captors and wait for further injunctions from the front, #efore cashing it #ack in. *an, oh man' "o one is more surprised then you, as this scheme actually works. <:%ll give you a seven days visa, and you #etter #e out of the country #y then=5 says the kind officer, a fellow human #eing after all, underneath his soulless exterior. "ot allowing enough time for him to reconsider, you disappear in a cloud of dust even #efore the exclamation mark leaves his lips. Straight across the #order you dash, into the arms of your army #uddy and #ack to '( !ity. ,nce #ack inside the country, all one has to do is lay low enough under the radar+ avoid unnecessary attention, and pretty much anything is possi#le. (nd so, you spend a #it more than your given week inside the 7S #orders+ a#out a month and a half more, to #e precise, enjoying the world renowned !alifornian weather, a post traumatic life of plenty and laying as low as humanly possi#le. 999 -lright, alright already! 3o need to be so pushy. You%ve #een holding it in for as long as humanly possi#le, #ut it%s high time you%ve dragged your rotting carcass off the sofa, and your wo##ly feet across the stained wall to wall carpeting. he toilet%s a mess, #ut you don%t give a flying fuck. You sit your ass down and finally take a long overdue dump. his would #e as active as you will pro#a#ly get today, so #est not strain yourself. &ur one year anniversary is coming up soon' pops a mental note to yourself, referring to the amount of time you%ve #een stranded without sex. Your daily toilet sessions are also your favorite time for contemplating the su#ject of 2yourself vs. the world%, only that recently, the main theme has #een the one and the same each and every time. 4een much more than yer morning stiffies going to waste, pal, it continues with its daily sermon. - whole year of "er$ing off doesnt ma$e you a mortar, ya $now. If

anything, it ma$es you a worthless "er$ off! 5ow many e6cuses must a man come up with, before they call him a man no longer, huh0 %irst there was no real opportunity while you were on the road, maybe other than se6y 7erome8 then there was no energy left from overwor$ing8 now youre too damn stoned to even leave the apartment, and they dont really do deliveries with that sorta thing. 9ell, not to your budget, that is. - man is simply not a man if he doesnt get laid once in a while, and you, my friend, are rapidly becoming a eunuch, s all Ive got to say in the matter at hand. hen again, what is a man1 $hat has he got1 :f not himself, then he has not= ( man%s #est friend is his right hand, and no dou#t a#out it. Besides, it%s not like you haven%t #een putting a lot of effort into it lately, ever since you retired from your short career as a professional mover. $hy, only the other day, you managed to twist your #uddy%s arm, leave the apartment for the first time in three day and drive all the way across Bur#ank, only so you could attend the #irthday party of his ex0lover. : mean, if she was having sex with him, there%s no real reason why she shouldn%t #e into having sex with you just as well. 7nfortunately, they #oth just ended up #eing all touchy and shit the whole fuckin% evening, and your opportunity got completely wasted. You flash your efforts down, take a good look in the mirror, #ut all you can see is a fu))y reflection taking a good look at you. You drag your feet #ack into the living room, nearly tripping over one of the many ha#itants of your upgraded apartment, some of which you don%t even know #y name, and join your army #uddy #y the play station. ( few months #ack, you guys moved into a nicer complex, with a swimming pool and a pool ta#le. Haven%t #een inside the pool yet, #ut it sure is nice to hang around it. <You alright15 you en*uire. <Yep. You15 replies your #uddy, and loads the #ong for you. <!an%t complain,5 you answer, #ut deep down you know it ain%t so. ,ther than #eing Eewish, with a long tradition of complaining a#out anything possi#le, the two of you have

also settled into the kind of superficial interaction that avoids complaints, and #y doing so, also ena#les no prospective for mending your friendship. -eeling this conversation has exhausted itself, as well as exhausted the #oth of you, you deal with the #ong instead, while he #usies himself with the loading of "orse #y "orsewest into the >layStation. Soon enough, someone%s gonna have to #rave the outside world, if only to fetch some more ganja from its hiding place, namely #ehind the car radio, yet for the time #eing, all is well in this "orse kingdom. ,utside, the sun keeps on shining over the metropolitan area that is greater 'os (ngeles, as it does all year round. (ided #y massive smog and just the right level of pollution, it also produces the most ex*uisite sunsets. >eople #usy themselves with #eing stuck in traffic, lonely people inside their fancy cars. its keep on swinging #ack and forth all along &enice Beach, muscles are #eing pumped and good looks maintained. Shops all along Santa .onica Blvd keep on providing people with a meaning for life, that had it #een any more shallow, it would have practically #ecome an archeological finding. :nside, three little &ikings are trying to find their way out of an ela#orated virtual ma)e, while two #est friends are no longer trying to revive the decaying mental ma)e that is their friendship. /ventually, you%ll end up sei)ing the old !hevy and driving it down to .exico without him, as he%s #een saving fuck all during all this time and you%ll simply ran outta patience. Yet, in some strange way, you%ll actually feel somewhat relieved things have turned out this way. (#out a year later, your army #uddy would finally profess that he simply <feels much #etter when you%re not around.5 Guess you must have made one wisecrack too many a#out his receding hairline and all. -air enough though, as you%ll never #e around much to #egin with. >eople grow apart. hat%s just the natural course of things. he world is overflowing with potential friends, and one needs to know when to let go of old ones, if only so there might #e enough mental space for inviting new ones in.

hen again, all that has not yet come to pass. Aight now, you%re just a couple of #odies going through one eighth of an ounce a week and enjoying the !ity of (ngel, though them angels take a very minor part in your actual joy. (t the moment, you%re simply decompressing+ mentally preparing yourself for the road again, and with or without him H !entral (merica, here you come8