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Updated: November 16, 2013, 11:25 PM ET

Ada, Ohio- With the Annual EMC football game approaching, its time for this years Scouting Report. The captains havent been selected yet but there is one thing that we should agree on: Jeffrey Denny SHOULD NOT be a captain this year and last years domination by Dan Steigerwald's team demostrates why. What happened to the days where the EMC had a high standard when it came to Captains?! The draft date hasnt been set yet, but it will occur sometime shortly after the team returns from Thanksgiving break. A scouting report has been created using our sources and previous experiences such as cross country camp. It looks like the juniors are going to take the tournament, again. 1.

Dan Steigerwald- Dan showed why he is the best quarterback on the team last
year. He accounted for three touchdown passes and no interceptions in the 38-21 blowout over Team Denny. The team that has Steigerwald at Player Pos. School quarterback this year, will again be the favorite going 1. Dan Steigerwald QB/CB Westerville Central 2. Mark Berton QB/MLB Saint Wendelin into the game, especially if he has some blockers this 3. Evan McKee RB/OLB Medina year. The EMC is made of elite men but elite passers 4. Tyler Feitshans WR/DE Tippecanoe are very rare. His biggest weakness last year was that 5. Kase Schalois RB/DT Van Wert 6. Matthew Ernstes TE/DE Moeller he rolled to the left way too often. This limits his 7. Greg Krasnoschlik TE/DE Independence options and could cause reactions from his wide 8. Eric Wymer WR/CB Van Buren receivers on the Dez Bryant level. 9. William Huddleston WR/S Benzie Central

2.

Mark Berton- Last year, we had Berton as the

second best quarterback, but Denny ignored this and let Mark slip to Team Steigerwald. He ran the wildcat a few times last year but let Dan play QB for most of the game. Hopefully there is an upgrade at captain this year and we can see Marks potential at the QB position.

10. Tom Gerberich 11. Joey Muscarella 12. Ian Trau 13. Cully Gordon 14. Ian McKee 15. Aaren Hemmelgarn 16. Eric Collins 17. Adam Berry 18. Cameron Rusnak 19. Andrew Harden 20. Dan Sowa 21. Matthew Johnson 22. Jonathan Wherry 23. Nathan Barchalk 24. Andrew Kurtz 25. Evan Murtha 26. Jeffrey Denny

WR/CB LT/DT C/DT WR/OLB WR/CB RT/OLB RG/DT RB/OLB RG/OLB WR/S C/DT OT/CB LG/DT RB/DE WR/S WR/S ?/?

Revere Fairview Lakota West West Holmes Medina Saint Henry Strongsville Hawken Open Door Christian Butler Shaler Area McNicholas Neshannock Mogadore Saint Johns Pickerington North Colerain

3.

Evan McKee- Evan is the fastest guy on the team

so he should be the most coveted running back in the draft. He also wants everyone to know that he has the best running form on the team. Also if he writes words of encouragement on his hands, were all screwed.

4.

Tyler Feitshans- Last year, Tyler showed that he is one the hardest guys to tackle
in the EMC. With the team losing a bunch of size and a Sasquatch to graduation, Tyler will be even more difficult to bring down this year. He could literally put the team on his back this year. Dont let his clumsy appearance fool you.

5.

Kase Schalois- As far as we can see, Jon is the most athletic freshman and is built
more like a football player than a runner. Many of the scouts have compared him to Kenton Holliday. This comparison only applies as a football player, as he does not resemble a gorilla whatsoever. This is a risky pick as he could end up a Jon Wherry type player. Too bad Kyle isnt playing or else hed play with more intensity and would probably save Greg the job of taking Wagner out of the game.

6.

Matthew Ernstes- After watching the 2012 highlights, we realized that Ernstes is
the most underrated player on the team. He is one of the toughest guys on the team to tackle and this is the biggest reason he is this high. As long as he doesnt stay up until 5 in the morning on one of his twitter rants, which are hilarious, he should be a great pick.

7.

Greg Krasnoschlik- Greg is one of the hardest hitting guys in the draft this year,
probably even Darren Sharper level hitting. Just ask Kyle Wagner why you should be scared of the guy. We would advise that you dont talk smack to Greg, because he will go after you even if youre on his team. He will probably be making Shannon and Traus sister jokes the whole game.

8.

Eric Wymer- After watching the film on Wymer, the one thing that stuck out to us
was his lack of ball security. Eric has a tendency to hold the ball as far away from his body as possible while being tackled, like he is trying to give the ball away. The experts believe that this is a huge flaw to his game and that he is very turnover prone. We would avoid giving him the ball unless its a pass into the end zone and even then hell probably step out of the back of the end zone before he catches it (See video from last year at 4:02).

9.

William Huddleston- Football is Radios favorite sport, right? Huddleston has

excelled at the contests that dont matter as he won the badminton tournament with Ian McKee and getting outkicked by Pumpkin in the two mile time trial. In the video, we can see that Will does a lot of standing around on defense but he did have two touchdown catches including a 45 yard bomb from Steigerwald. Hes probably overrated like all of the sports teams in Michigan.

10. Tom Gerberich- Tom is one of the tallest kids on the team and has the capability to go up for jump balls thrown his way. But even if he does catch those jump balls, there is a good chance that he could get broken in half. He has been lifting, but we would have to think that Barchalk is holding him back. Still the cutest kid on the team though. 11. Joey Muscarella- Joey is the first of a line of many freshman, so before you continue reading, keep this in mind, the freshman class in no way can take the

tournament and that there are many question marks in each freshmans game assessments. Basically, if you put the entire freshman class on the same team, youd have a powder puff football team. He has been hitting the weights since the end of his cross season and is probably the strongest freshman. He has diabetes but we dont see this being a problem, because having him off of the field may be just as good. 12. Trau- Wait Traus not a freshman?! Oh well, well keep him in this group of freshman anyways. Trau has been able to take a ton of crap over the last two years and youd have to think all of that has been building up. We believe that he will release all of this anger during the game and could be pretty scary. He will do whatever it takes to one up the other team. If the other team kicks a field goal, he will find a way to score 4 points. Also, DO NOT say anything about his sister! 13. The Commissioner- Were really not sure where Cullys athletic ability stands so this is probably the biggest guess of the rankings. While he is one of the quickest freshmen, we dont know if that equates into good hands and strength. Hopefully hes not as weak as Rosenbaum. Just going from looks, wed compare him to one of the pretty boys that plays for USC. 14. Ian McKee- Rumor has it, Ian didnt lift with the other freshman this week and there are two ways to take this. The first is that hes going to be weaker than the rest of the freshman. The second is that he doesnt want to show off his brute strength before the football game. You may think Ian grabs your butt a lot now, but just wait till he gets on the field. Also, football is nothing like Les Miserables, so hes basically screwed. 15. Aaren Hemmelgarn- We think that hammergarn is a nickname that only applies to running in Aarens case. He has height but of all of the tall guys on the team, he probably has the worst coordination. He must be pretty easy to tackle, because he was taken down pretty easily during the conference race. 16. Eric Collins- If he gets as angry as he does at the coliseum on the weekends, it may be nearly impossible to bring him down. If his balance is as bad as it is on the weekends though, hes in trouble. 17. Adam Berry- When hes not looking for a girl to cuddle with Adam looks like he could be a beast on the football field. His lumberjack appearance may help this observation. If you watch his twitter feed, you may think hes a softy but we think otherwise. 18. Cameron Rusnak- We believe that Cameron is a good later round draft pick because of his willingness to do whatever the team finds necessary. This willingness will help to fill any weaknesses that the team has at that point. He has been lifting so we believe that he will be a good offensive and defensive lineman. Make sure he doesnt have his phone with him, or he may just leave in the middle of the game to talk to Jenna.

19. Andrew Hardon- Harden may be the goofiest guy on the team, but thats not a bad thing. His top attribute may be his determination, as we have seen on the basketball court. He is definitely not one of the most talented but he hustles and seems to always be in the right place at the right time. We suggest using him as a distraction, but dont give him the ball. 20. Dan Sowa- We have Sowa this low because of the lingering possibility of him breaking his hip. Hes so fragile, any hit could put him on crutches or even in a wheel chair. He has been talking a lot of $hit about Barchalk, so we have that as matchup to watch. Were all praying for your hip Sowa, so be careful! 21. Pumpkin- Blumpkin definitely has the worst hand eye coordination on the team. Hes got middie speed though, and if you get the ball to him the open field, he can probably make things happen (key word probably). If you have a water bottle on the sidelines you may be able to use it to excite him, and improve his play. 22. Jonathan Wherry- Since when is the center the play caller. The fight of the game last year was between a QB and his own center and this was caused by Jon thinking that he was in the position to call plays. We see him as the Richie Incognito of the team, and could cause tension within the team. We see Kyle Wagner as the Jonathan Martin of the team because he would be the little baby that would run to mommy when getting picked on, so its a good thing that these guys cant be on the same team. Kyle, if Jon is picking on you in your room, were here for you, if you need anyone to talk to. No need to make it national news. 23. Nathan Barchalk- He claims to be lifting a ton this offseason and getting big. He definitely has potential but so does his sister... He may be the most overrated player in the rankings, but I dont see anyone below him out playing him. His over confidence could result in him playing better than expected or in him getting hauled off on a stretcher. 24. Kurtz- He doesn't like organized sports and probably doesn't even know what a touchdown is, but the EMC football game definitely isn't very organized so maybe he'll surprise us. We wouldnt be surprised if he wears his bicycle helmet during the game. 25. Evan Murtha- It's becoming more and more likely that Murtha won't be playing the game, but we needed more people in between 1st and Jeff Denny so we'll include him for now. Murtha is so skinny, even Barchalk could break him in half. Maybe he can bulk up over Thanksgiving now that he's done running. If not, I dont see him running through anyone and hipsters dont fit on the gridiron very well. 26. Denny- We were also very tempted to move Jeff up in the rankings this year but then we remembered who we were talking about. Many of our analysts, including Mel Kiper and Todd McShay, have went as far as saying that the team that Jeff built last year was

the most over matched team in EMC football history. Somehow he forgot to draft a quarterback as the top couple quarterbacks were all on Team Steigerwald. Chances are I will be hungover/still drunk because the Christmas party is that night - Jeff Denny

Game Awards
M.V.P: Mark Berton- In his final EMC Football game of his career, Mark will be the player
to watch as he runs and throws past the competition easily. When asked about the game Mark said I aint got no worries.

Most Improved: Trau- Of anyone on the team, Trau has changed the most physically
since last year. Last year he suffered about 69 stress fractures in one leg and was forced to stay off of it and eat fatty foods by the doctors. This summer Trau slimmed down and we commend him for that. Although he slimmed down, he still has the mass and is quicker now that he hasnt been dealing with injury.

Rookie of the Year: Andy Harden- Really, we think that the freshman class is the
weakest group to come through ONU in a while. So, basically this is the most pointless award of the year. Theres probably not going to be a way to pick a freshman for this award because theyll all be so bad. We just picked a random freshman because of this.

Defensive Player of the Year: Greg Krasnoschlik- We compared him to Darren

Sharper, so theres no way that he cant be the front runner for DPOY.

Recently, it was brought to our attention that there may be some former EMC members playing. If they do play, put them all in behind Steigerwald and Berton. They havent been running, so this already gives them an advantage over the opposing team. Also, R-Val and Brett were two of the best players last year, so that helps too. We also decided to leave Kyle and Rosenbaum out because of their previous absences in the game. As we wrap up this years scouting report, we would like to remind everyone that we love all of you and that this is all in fun. Please dont take anything written above personally.

Quotes From Around the EMC

Rosenbaum won't play because he is worried about getting hurt. Jeff Denny POONNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! - Sowa Don't pick Barchalk, he will get hit HARD by both teams. Jeff Denny Ian McKee sings way too much, and has a real mean streak, so he may try to murder someone. It will most likely be Trau or Wherry. (Hopefully Trau) Joey Muscarella All of the freshman suck, we saw them play basketball this summer. Jeff Denny Evan Murtha may not be very useful because I quote, "Winning a football game is too mainstream." Joey Muscarella Pumpkin won't play, probably too busy playing Zelda or shit. Jeff Denny Tom and myself have been lifting, and getting ripped, I wouldnt be surprised if we snap Andy Hardin in half. - Barchalk Will sucks at football because the entire state of M*chigan sucks at EVERYTHING. Jeff Denny This year is the year that Juniors will take the tournament. Theres no doubt in my mind that Juniors vs all, we could probably come out on top. Barchalk I heard Sandusky was an assistant coach at Moeller when Ernesto was there. Could be helpful right? Jeff Denny All in all I will probably get picked last regardless of how shitty some of my other teammates are. Jeff Denny Sowa Sucks- Barchalk So does your sister- Greg