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Performance Coaching, Sports Psychology, and Self-help Breaking the Myths

About Garret Kramer

Garret Kramer is the founder and managing partner of Inner Sports, LLC. He has provided consulting and/or crisis management services to hundreds of athletes and coaches; from well known professionals, Olympians, and teams, to high school and collegiate players across a multitude of sports. A former collegiate ice hockey player, Kramer is credited with bringing the principles of Mind,

Consciousness, and Thought to the athletic community at large.

Kramer often lectures on topics related to the states of mind that lead to success on and off the playing field. He has been featured on WFAN in New York, ESPN Radio, WOR, FOX, CTV, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, The Newark Star Ledger, The Toronto Star, The Philadelphia Daily News, and other nationally syndicated sports programs and magazines. Kramer is the author of the book Stillpower: The Inner Source of Athletic Excellence, forward written by NHL and U.S. Olympic star Zach Parise.

Also he conducts seminars about his revolutionarily simple approach to coaching and performance. From single teams or organizations, to coaches conventions, to athletic departments, he is available to speak to your group.

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Inexplicable Calm, Consistent Success

Clutch performances in big moments: Where do they really come from? Often, after such a performance, you will hear an athlete say, For some

inexplicable reason, I just felt very calm today. But when the same athlete doesnt come through in a big moment, he might say, The circumstances got to me; I just couldnt calm down.

In fact, this confusion about the power of external circumstances leads many athletes and performers to seek out experts who are willing to provide techniques or coping mechanisms to help them through decisive games, matches, or life situations in general. But why? Didnt our athlete first say that he performed

calmly and successfully for no apparent reason? Calmness, like anxiety, has nothing to do with ones circumstances.

Truth be told, most performance experts have the above cause and effect relationship upside-down. They believe that ones circumstance, in this case the big moment (the cause), determines ones state of mind (the effect). When in truth, ones state of mind (the cause) will always determine ones perception (the effect) of the circumstance.

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In other words, the big momentlike any circumstancehas no ability to regulate our level of calm or anxiety because our moods fluctuate independent of it. I know, it doesnt always seem that way, but thats the way it works. To illustrate, have you ever stressed about a situation in your life one moment, and then considered the exact same situation a few hours, or even moments, later and wondered what in the world you were stressing about? I know I have. The situation didnt change; but my state of mind did and, with it, my perception and outlook of the situation.

The only way to find calm is to stop seeking ways to be calm.

A recent example of this cause and effect misunderstanding occurred last week at the PGA Championship when a gleeful pro golfer raved about the mental tools provided by a well-known sports psychologist. My fear for this athlete, though, is that his success will be short-lived. Ultimately, his thoughts will rev up as he questions why last weeks mental instrument isnt calming his nerves anymore. That is, while it might look like the external strategy was responsible for this golfers surge in production, the timing was simply right as his level of consciousness had swung upward. He would have performed at the top of his game no matter what his psychologist had suggested. The bottom line is that there is no quick-fix for a low psychological outlook. And the more you seek and experiment, the worse you will eventually feel. Instead, when you find yourself struggling, my sincere suggestion is to stop looking for short-term reliefwhich only tricks you into looking outside of yourself for answersand start understanding your own mental functioning. Once you do, calmness and success will start to inexplicably show up more and more frequently.

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Relax; Nerves are Normal

Have you ever been in this type of situation? The game, or any competition, is tight, and youre becoming more anxious by the minute. The coach calls all the players together and says, Okay, guys, you are so nervous that you are beating yourselves. Just try to relaxall we need to do is calm down, and well be fine. In fact, just last week, I witnessed this exact scenario at two games I attended. And, in both cases, the team in question went on to perform even worse after the just relax pep talk. In my experience, this happens way too often.

Being uptight is not a problem for athletes; believing that nervousness can hinder performance is.

So why doesnt deliberate relaxation work? First, its important to recognize that trying to change a thought patternin the above case, thoughts of tension or worryis never effective. Understanding that negative thoughts have no ability to thwart your performance is always effective.

In other words, the common belief is that an anxious or uptight mind-set is not conducive to success. Thus, if an athlete feels this way, the coach, therapist, or athlete himself comes up with all types of strategies in order to feel better. The problem, however, is that the athlete is perfectly fine to begin with, and you cannot fix something that isnt broken. Nervousness, anxious thoughts, or insecure feelings

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are all part of the human experience. Regardless of our circumstances, at times, we all feel this way. Did you know that many of the greatest achievements in sports history have occurred from uncomfortable states of mind? Basketball great Bill Russell used to throw up before games. And golf great Jack Nicklaus once said that if he wasnt nervous before stepping on to the first tee, he wasnt ready.

Once an athlete grasps that there is no connection between anxious thoughts and underperforming, his level of play will soar.

Second, external strategies (i.e., telling players to relax) will always make matters worse. For example, have you ever tried meditation as a toolor coping

mechanismto control anxious and revved-up thoughts? If yes, be honest, were you really capable of sitting quietly and trying to slow down your thinking? Or did trying to relax only make you feel worse, and frustrated, as you wondered why you were not able to quiet your mind intentionally?

The message here is simple. A nervous thought is just thata thought. And our thoughts have no ability, on their own, to regulate our level of achievement. This may sound peculiar, but consider the principle of thought like a bus depot. You cant control which buses show up, but you can always determine which bus you climb aboard. Therefore, as you prepare for the next big contest, rememberyou cannot manage the value of your own thinking, and you cannot fix uneasy thoughts with a mind control technique.

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What you can do is stop trying to settle your mind, and start understanding how the human mind functions. Then, the quality of your thoughts will clear up all on their own. A sound first step is to recognize that relaxation and success do not always work in tandem.

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Beyond Belief
Believe in yourselfa common and accepted mantra in the performance coaching world. Merely peruse Facebook, Twitter, or the vast array of self-help books on the market today, and you will read varying versions of this message. This morning on ESPN, for example, I listened to a college football coach address his players. He insisted that the number one ingredient to a successful season is belief in yourself, teammates, coaches, and the teams philosophy. Not once during this impassioned pep talk, however, did he explain to his players why, at times, they are bound to lack conviction, or what to do when disbelief does take hold.

Your level of self-confidence is constantly fluctuatingit will always mirror your current level of well-being.

To put it bluntly, asking or telling people to believe in themselves is a complete waste of time. When this advice is imparted an unconfident person will almost always wonder why, at will, they cant summon up certainty. Instead, if you really want to help another personor yourselffind faith, its imperative to recognize that belief and your current state of mind work in tandem. When your level of wellbeing is high, you will believe; when its low, you wont. And while it might look like your level of confidence has something to do with the circumstances of your life, this is just not so. To illustrate, have you ever performed well on a test, in an athletic contest, or at your job and not felt good about yourself? It happened to me last week. I spoke to a group of coaches and professors who gave me a touching round

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of applause as I concluded. But, no matter how hard I tried, I just didnt believe that I had gotten my message across clearly.

Another way to look at it is that belief is simply not something we can manage. In spite of what many will say, you cannot choose to think or feel a certain way. What you can do, though, is understand that the only reason a lack of assurance will persist is because most people do, in fact, believe they have control over it. Reflect for a second, what happens to your performance when you attempt to work, force, or grind yourself through a temporary feeling of hopelessness? You most likely experienced revved up thinking, confusion, and continued despair.

If you want to believe, do nothing when you find yourself in doubt. The bottom line is that a lack of belief is never the cause of poor performances; it is the symptom of performers buying into their thoughts and feelingsand trying to alter themwhen their mind-set is low. Yes, believe in yourself does sound productive, but explaining to players, students, or children the true building blocks to why a person wouldnt believe (its always ones mind-set, not ones circumstances) is a whole lot more impactful.

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Acceptance
Many counselors, teachers, or coaches believe that acceptance is the key to moving past a painful situation. In an athletic sense, you often hear that you have to first accept a defeat to be able to grow from it. When a loved one passes away, priests or rabbis often preach about accepting our loss. To be honest, however, to me

acceptance never quite worked that way. Is Bill Buckner truly capable of accepting such a crucial error in the 1986 World Series? Im not sure. Can Scott Norwood accept missing a field goal that would have won the Super Bowl XXV? I doubt it. Three years ago, my wife lost her best friend to cancer. Is she really capable of accepting this tragic situation? I just dont think so. In fact, I believe the more Buckner, Norwood, or my wife try to accept these circumstances, the less tolerant of them they will actually become.

Forcing ourselves to accept external predicaments only intensifies unrest.

Yes, I am aware that this perspective goes against the grain. Even Moses said that the key to overcoming the death of a family member lies in acceptance. But while it might sound productive, forcing acceptance usually revs up thought and confusion as we wonder why in the world we cant live up to this divine recommendation. Think of it this way, when your high school sweetheart broke your heart and your parents said, We know it isnt easy, but the best thing to do is accept it and move on, you knew that this was an extremely tall (if not impossible) order.

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There is, thankfully, a key to moving past our troubles and prospering, although acceptance has nothing to do with it. Again, if a baseball player strikes out in a big momentwhy in the world would he accept it? To the contrary, we need to understand that losses and missed opportunities are never the source of our wayward moods. By forcing ourselves to accept undesirable circumstances, we are placing credit where it doesnt belongultimately playing victim to the events of the outside world. In other words, since a strike-out is not the source of a baseball players low mind-set, accepting it cant possibly make him feel better.

Although not true, our circumstances often look like they are the source of our discontenttrying to accept them magnifies this illusion.

To be clear, I certainly understand that when pain arises, it does look like the world around us is the reason why. But this just isnt so. Sure, my wife is extremely sad about losing her friend, but there is a big difference between sadnessa genuine and productive sentiment born from compassion or love; and miserya destructive emotion born from a temporarily low state of mind. The bottom line is that human beings are not capable of accepting, understanding, or moving past anything when their consciousness is faltering. Thats why, in order to move through your troubles, you are far better off looking inward toward to your mind-set in the moment and being guided accordingly. If youre glum and

disquietbe still; do not try to talk yourself into accepting any external event. If youre melancholy but cleardo whatever feels right to you. Acceptance is indeed a peaceful word, but a closer look reveals that making peace with external predicaments is, in the end, a limiting and self-defeating prophecy.

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A Different Approach to Problems And Their Effect on Performance

Whenever I meet with a person one-on-one, the first question I usually ask is, How can I help you? Invariably, I listen to a laundry list of problems that the individual is

experiencing at that point in time. Never, though, do I

provide a remedy for these issues. In fact, rarely do I address the issues directly.

I am well aware that this approach is much different than what most people are used to. Heck, if someone is suffering from anorexia, doesnt it make sense for a counselor to focus directly on food and the behavior of purging? Well, not exactly. You see, upon closer look you will notice that our problems live in our thoughts and present moodnot in the world around us. Anorexia is caused by a thought disorder; it is not the effect of a painful upbringing, a young girls poor self-image, or an aversion to food.

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It is impossible to solve another persons problems.

Take the syndrome of obsessive and compulsive behavior. It is commonly believed that, aside from medication, the way to solve this dysfunction is to learn to accept the source of the obsessive thoughts or to substituent a productive behavior for the compulsive one. What these strategies overlook, however, is that the source of OCD is not external to the individual. It rests solely in the victims current thoughtsystem.

In other words, the degree to which anyone obsesses, or feels compelled to act, works in concert with his or her level of well-being at that precise moment. When my state of mind is clear and conscious, my old house is a charming classic and I love it. But when my mind-set descends, I am either obsessed with selling it immediately or compelled to spend my savings fixing it up. Either way, my old house has little to do with my neurotic thoughts and low mood. Quite the

contrarymy low mood is what creates my compulsive urge to do something about my old house immediately.

Our current thought-system prevents us from finding obvious answers.

So, how can the above understanding pave the way to a life without major problems or disorders and even help improve our performances? Once we realize that our fluctuating thoughts and innocent moods establish our perceptions, it becomes much easier to avoid the self-defeating trap of finding fixes in the outside world. A golfer who changes his swing, for example, will always falter if the adjustment is based on an insecure or egotistical sentiment.

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One last point: You might be wondering how you know the time is right to reach for that piece of cake, fix up the house, or make a swing change. That is, how do you know when youre thought-system is truly inspired and not irrational? The answer is simple, how do you feel? If you feel uneasy, limited, or boxed in at that moment, just stay in the box for nowremaining still (and not reaching for the fix from this unclear place) is what allows your thought-system to get back on track. Then, with possibilities readily apparent and endlessgo go go! From this freeing perspective, no matter what you decide, things will work out just fine.

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Stillpower and Relationships

Last week I received a call from a team. Its star player and coach had been at odds for some time, and, with training camp about to open, the director of player personnel requested that I sit in as he attempted to mediate their issues. I asked, So your plan is to get the player and coach together, with us serving as referees, to try to hash out their points of view?

Thats correct, he said.

Well, Id like to helpbut first let me suggest a different approach, I said. Lets speak to the player and coach separately. Lets teach them the real source of their disagreement and then see what happens. Fortunately, he agreed, and Im happy to say that player and coach are now looking forward to a productive season together.

Most mediators or therapists teach partners to cope with their problems, instead of helping them find the answers to a fresh start.

In 99 percent of therapy sessions between a player and coach, husband and wife, or an employee and employer, the couple sits in a room with a counselor and discusses their so-called issues. And the overwhelming majority of these couples end up

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separating. Why? Because issues are not the source of disharmonythey are the symptoms. The source of all disagreements is one or both sides acting on thoughts and feelings that originate from low states of mind.

For instance, I once met with an athlete who claimed that his coach often picked on him in front of the team and he just couldnt take it anymore. But the day after our meetingand in a better moodthe athlete told me that the coach was actually respectful during that days practice. Clearly the coach hadnt miraculously been transformed overnight; the players state of mind had risen and with it so did his perception of his coach.

This understanding explains why so many marriage counselors and mediators are divorced themselves. They provide their clientsand themselveswith strategies to employ the minute a discrepancy with ones partner occurs. Try to consider the others perspective is common advice. Trouble is, it is impossible to consider another persons perspective when your own level of well-being is low. It is possible to understand, however; that if you simply backburner the issue and allow your well-being to rise (i.e. stillpower), then you will involuntarily become considerate, compassionate, and lovingand the discrepancy wont look so daunting anymore.

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Regardless of your differences, the minute your mood rises, so will your perception of your partner. This is not to say that every relationship should stay intact. What I am insisting is that, in order for any decision (in this case, to stay together or separate) to be fruitful, it must be made from an elevated state of mind. Plus, the more you try to work through your problems from the same low level of mental functioning that caused them, the greater the odds that the relationship will continue to suffer. My visit with the above team was successful because, during our one-on-one meetings, the level of consciousness of both player and coach ascendedand so did their understanding of each other. In fact, we didnt discuss their past, their

behavior, or any specific details of their relationship at all. Try this simple approach the next time you and another person are at odds. Im certain that the answer to the issue will appear, or the issue will disappear, before you know it.

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Why Still Works Better Than Will

I recently received from a a

poignant

e-mail

reader of Stillpower, which perfectly illustrates the

distinction between looking outside for answers and looking within. Here is a portion of that e-mail.

I just finished reading your book and find your ideas to be very insightful. Our son is a hockey goalie, and this past year his team, which was pretty inexperienced, frequently lost by double digits. The coaches thought the best thing to do was pull the goalie when the other team started running up the score. This led to my son being so worried about being pulled that once the first goal was scored on him, it was pretty much all over. His goalie coach was concerned about his mental toughness, so he referred us to a sports psychologist to help him cope. While this person was initially helpfulteaching my son to redirect negative thoughts with a catch phrase he could repeat during games (stop the puck) and helping him use some visualizationas you outline in your book, the effects of these techniques were not long lasting. This anxiety led to a poor performance in tryouts, and he was cut from the team. Fortunately, I think using Stillpower will be helpful for our son, on the ice and off . . . Thank you so much for writing your book and introducing me to this freeing concept.

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Even a twelve-year-old can lose his way when he looks outside for answers.

I was certainly touched by this e-mail.

But more significantly, I value the

opportunity it offers to discuss the habit (of many of us today) to seek external strategies or coping mechanisms for our troubles and the unconstructive effects of such searches.

Reciting a catch phrase, or affirmation, to redirect negative thoughts (much like reaching for a pill or drink) serves only one purpose: it empowers these thoughts by turning them into something that must be dealt with. What this mother and sports psychologist failed to recognize is that errant thoughts have no ability to directly hinder ones performances or life. Its when we act on these thoughts, or try to control their quality, that our minds race, and, like this boy, we continue to suffer.

The more we seek external coping mechanisms the further we get from truth.

Why does this happen? Because it is impossible to will ourselves through something (a predicament) that only exists in our own thinking. Have you ever played golf? If yes, where does your next shot go when you try to not think about the out-ofbounds stakes that span the length of the toughest hole? Out-of-bounds, of course.

Yet what if you understand that your thoughts about the out-of-bounds have no cloutthat some days your glance will be drawn to those stakes and other days youll forget that theyre even there? In truth, knowing that external circumstances have no power over us is what allows us to be still, and then clear, in the first place.

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Therefore, the next time youre in a low place and feel the pull for relief, remember the dust will settlebut only if you remain quiet enough to allow it. How do you achieve this quiet? Never by chasing down a fix, forcing visualization, or learning a catch phrase. You look toward an intuitive feelingan understanding that no matter what your thoughts say in the moment, youre always free from the world around you. Thats where resilience and competiveness truly reside. Take it from the experience of this twelve-year-old boy, still works better than will, no matter what the experts might tell you.

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Get to Work or Dial it Down?

About a month ago, a baseball-playing client sent me a text message. He had gone 0 for 4 in a game and wanted my opinion on whether or not he should immediately hit the batting cage to work out the kinks in his swing. My answer: How are you feeling right now? His response: Im definitely not happy about my performance today, but Im doing okay. Im open and determined to discover what Im doing wrong.

Well, get to work, I exclaimed. Recently, the same player sent me another text message asking the same question. Even though his batting average had climbed to .295 since our last exchange, on this particular night he struggledagain going 0 for 4. I asked, How are you feeling right now? His response, My self-confidence is

extremely low. Im not doing well at allI need to fix my hitting before its too late.

Well, go have a nice dinner, I replied. The last place you should be tonight is in the batting cage.

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Results are neutral. An athletes state of mind exists independent of his or her performance.

My reasoning in both instances, of course, has nothing to do with this players performance on the days he reached out to me. Unlike many coaches (and parents of young athletes) who would immediately prescribe hard work to fix current flaws, to me, an athletes ability to correct bad habits and improve is entirely based on his or her level of psychological functioning or consciousness at that particular moment which will always occur independent of ones external circumstances.

In other words, the right time to get to work has nothing to do with present outcomes and all to do with ones current mind-set. Why? Because the reason an individual doesnt perform up to par will always begin and end with a low state of mind. He or she isnt seeing things clearly; the athlete is not aware. Thus, searching for the answer, at that moment, will always take the individual deeper into the mud. There have been thousands of athletes (or performers, in general) who have initiated slumps, or gotten injured, simply by attempting to remedy a temporary defect from a temporary low level of well-being.

The superstition of keeping everything the same when youre playing well is actually a self-defeating prophecy. The best time to train is when your

awareness is highno matter your current performance level.

Remember, a bound-up level of psychological functioning will always lead to a bound-up level of physical functioning (slump, injury, sickness). And your

psychological functioning has nothing to do with your most recent performance.

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Yes, great athletes usually despise striking out, throwing an interception, or missing an open net. Yet they never forget that their ability to learn from mistakes, and thrive, is always determined by the state of mind from which they approach their training and its corrective measures. The key, then, for my client? In spite of his most recent statistics, he should get to work from an outlook of freedom, assurance, and inspiration and dial it down any time he feels compulsion, insecurity, or desperation kick in. Try this intuitive approachIm positive it will work for you.

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Anger Management?
According to the Chicago Cubs, volatile pitcher Carlos Zambrano underwent successful treatment for his anger management issues over the off-season. Indeed, his actions this season have been relatively stilluntil last week, that is, when he blew up at his teammates for their lack of passion and grit. Without going into the details of this particular incident, lets look at the emotion of anger: its true (and surprising) source, why its impossible to control, and the understanding that allows us to move through thoughts of rage when they stir in the heat of competition.

First, there is a huge difference between understanding where anger originates and blowing off some steam. Anger is not the result of a difficult situation or someone doing wrong to you. Anger is the result of your thoughts and state of mind when these events occur. That is, if you are in a low mood and someone insults you, odds are that the insult will be bothersome and you will have angry thoughts. If your mood is high, though, the identical comment will have little effect.

Because anger is the direct result of your own low level of well-being, altering (or managing) your circumstances will not help you control it.

Furthermore, the more we try to manage anger, the more enraged we will ultimately become. My educated bet is that, in his anger management classes, Carlos Zambrano was taught all sorts of tools and strategies to use any time he felt irritation kick in. Most likely, relaxation techniques, trying to understand the other persons

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perspective, or removing himself from (or avoiding) potentially capricious situations were prescribed. Yet, while these fixes might provide some short-term relief, they do not attack the heart of the issue: Anger has nothing to do with ones circumstances. Like all emotions, anger occurs in reaction to a thoughtnot to Zambranos, or anyone elses, life situation. Plus, eventually, as with any external coping mechanism, these strategies will conflict with Zambranos own intuition or inner wisdom, producing more revved up and frenzied thoughts.

So, what do we do when were embroiled in the heat of competition and angry thoughts start to take hold? We grasp that, like all thoughts born from low levels of psychological functioning, angry thoughts are illusions; their content is not real and, thus, must be distrusted. For instance, if youre a baseball player and your

teammate makes an error, it is certainly understandable to be displeased. But the teammate, who was your best friend before his mistake, has not just turned into the incompetent fool your thoughts are saying he is.

Angry feelings are real and must be addressedbut only from the inside out.

Theres one more thing that I want to mention about anger. Unlike our angry thoughts, our angry feelings are always genuine and, believe it or not, quite productive. In other words, For Zambrago, the negative feeling of anger is an intuitive signal that if he acts from his low level of functioning, he will make a mistake.

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Remember, human beings cannot control the content of their thoughts. But they can understand that thoughts which originate from wayward moods are not to be believed. And angry, anxious, or temperamental feelings are merely a red flag that we are looking in the wrong direction. Therefore, the next time anger rears its ugly head, be sure to seek answers in your own level of consciousness at that moment and not, like Carlos Zambrano and many others, in the world around you.

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The New York Jets and the Truth About Setting Goals
I think Rex Ryan of the New York Jets is a heck of a football coach. His players love him, his team is

extremely unified, he takes responsibility for his actions, and he (unlike most coaches) understands that bulletin board material only serves to hinder the performance of players. Why, then, has his team lost the AFC championship game two years in a row.

Simply put, Rex Ryan believes it is productive to set the goal of winning the Super Bowl. He often states, My team is good enough to win it all; why be afraid to say it? Well, there is certainly nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in. And if it feels right to him, its not for someone else to determine whether its right or wrong to proclaim it. His mistake, I think, is stringently setting the goal in the first place.

Goal setting does nothing but restrict opportunities.

I realize that 99 percent of you are convinced that setting goals is essential for success. Indeed, this is a common mantra in just about every self-help or coaching manual out there today. Popular books such as The Secret, tell us that if we want to achieve something (a championship, a mate, a million dollars), we need to focus on itput it out thereand it will come. The problem with this paradigm, however, is that goal setting actually hinders our awareness and, thus, restricts our opportunities. Why? Because single-mindedness limits our creative potential.

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In other words, when we narrowly set our sights on a specific goal, we thwart our ability to adjust, imagine, and think outside the box. In setting his sights solely on the championship every year, Ryan has helped to reduce the consciousness and perceptual field of his players. Hes made the journey about achieving one objective, not about the experience or limitless possibilities along the way.

To perform freely, an athlete must be open to the imaginative possibilities of the journey.

To be clear, I am not saying that Ryan should discount the value in winning the title, not at all. What I am saying is that Ryan and his players should also ask themselves, What do we want to create on our way to the title? Two seasons ago, the New Orleans Saints clearly relished the quest of winning the Super Bowl, but rebuilding the hopes of the people of their city was the real driving force behind it.

The truth is that individuals who understand the restrictive nature of goal setting are simply freer to perform. Like the Saints, Ryan needs to recognize that achieving a goal will not elevate his, or his players, self-worth or level of contentment. By focusing solely on the prize, Ryan has hampered his own potential to consider its real purpose. What the Jets, and the rest of us, need to remember moving forward is this: There is nothing wrong with processing the desire to win it all; it just wont become a reality until you open yourself up to all the opportunities presentno matter the outcome.

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Creating an Empowering Athletic Experience for Your Kids

With the school year approaching, many parents will be confronted with the predicament of their childs involvement in the youth sporting scene. These days, youth sports have become big business and adults often feel the push-and-pull of the process. How, then, can parents make the right choices and create a low-stress and productive athletic journey for their kids? First and foremost, do not fall into the trap of following someone elses how-to-parent blueprint. Instead, understand

that successful decisions are made from clear mind-sets; disastrous decisions are made from bound-up, insecure, or anxious mind-sets. In other words, in spite of what others may say, your choices for your children cannot necessarily be right or wrong, but the state of mind from which the choices are made can be.

Parents make productive choices for their kids when their actions are based on intuition, not an experts opinion.

Second, the above understanding often begets the following question: My children are my number one priority, so how do I know when I am in the proper state of mind to make the proper decisions for them? The answer is simplehow do you feel at that moment? That uneasy or off feeling in your gut when you are pushing too hardor not hard enoughis an instinctive sign that you are headed down the wrong road and should consider another option. For example, many sports parents are accused of living vicariously through their kids because they seem to overwhelm

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them with activities. The appearance of living vicariously, however, is only the symptom of these parents acting on thoughts and feelings that occur as their own insecurity or ego kicks in.

All parents are prone to low mind-sets. One key to creating a healthy experience for your kids: when feeling low, dont make any parental decisions.

Finally, it is vital for parents to appreciate those errant thoughts and moods are normalespecially when the subject of their loving emotions is their own children. So, instead of questioning your own self-worth or sanity, simply distrust the content of your thinking when a wayward mood occurs. In fact, acting from this low place is the number one reason that parents continually find themselves in the bound-up level of functioning where effective choices are scarce. Remember, involving your children in athletics will not automatically create a competitive, self-disciplined, or resilient young girl or boy. Yet, when parents commit to acting from clarity or inspiration, and not confusion or desperation, odds are that any experience to which children are introduced (athletics included) will play a productive and empowering role in their future development.

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Garret Kramer teaches the states of mind that allow athletes, and all individuals, to excel.

To discover more about the paradigm behind Stillpower, and how you can increase performance, visit http://www.GarretKramer.com

Garret is available for speaking engagements, interviews, and limited one-on-one consulting. For speaking and press inquiries, contact Ashley Sandberg of Triple 7 Public Relations: Ashley @ triple7pr.com. Or Contact Garret Kramer directly at gkramer @ innersports.com.

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