Thesis Proposal-Angela Schnabel

Committee: Dr. Cynthia Nahrwold-Chair Dr. Allison Holland Dr. Michael Kleine

All B t Thesis! "n Dealing with Acade#ic An$iety at the %rad ate &e'el State#ent o( P rpose and )ntent*%oals
My (inal pro+ect is a #e#oir (ra#ed in principles o( cogniti'e beha'ioral therapy that reco nts #y li(e-long str ggle with #y need (or per(ection that has res lted in an$iety, stress, depression, and a str ggle to co#plete #y thesis. ) (inally got (ed p with the o'erwhel#ing rge to - it whene'er ) had nco#(ortable, an$io s (eelings. ) began co#piling what ) re#e#ber - itting in chronological order to help #e see i( ) tr ly - it as o(ten as ) percei'ed that ) did. That writing e$ercise showed #e ) do ha'e a - itting proble#, and it later beca#e what ) re(er to as the ./ it &ist.0 )( ) can s ccess( lly co#plete #y pro+ect, ) plan to write a brie( how-to style g ide in the epilog e so that other people who s ((er (ro# an$iety #ight be able to ta1e the sa#e steps to tac1le their so rces o( stress. My hope is that at least one person can disco'er or gain so#ething abo t hi#sel( or hersel( (ro# this narrati'e, be that inspiration, nderstanding, 'alidation, or a road#ap to get thro gh the +o rney with an$iety.

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Narrati'e o( Personal Connection to Pro+ect

2nless yo are told o tright, it can be di((ic lt to recogni3e that so#eone is str ggling with an$iety. )t is o(ten those who loo1 cal# and collected on the o tside who ha'e iss es with an$iety, which can range (ro# the #ild to se'ere. At 45 ) began ha'ing ( ll-blown panic attac1s that res lted in hyper'entilating, heart palpitations, brea1ing o t in an itchy rash or hi'es 6or both7, and sobbing. 8'en today #y episodes are o(ten (ollowed by the rge to eat + n1 (ood or r n as (ast as ) can, so o'er the years ) de'eloped coping #echanis#s s ch as e$ercise, deep cleaning the ho se, and browsing at thri(t stores to help ta1e the edge o((. 9hen ) t rned :;, ) (orced #ysel( to co#e to ter#s with the (act that ) a# so#eone who habit ally bails. ) beca#e a chronic - itter beca se o( an$iety that ) ha'e e$perienced since childhood. My an$iety has ranged (ro# #oderate to se'ere, depending on the sit ation. Saying ) ha'e bailed a lot in #y relati'ely short li(e is no e$aggeration. 8'en #y thesis is part o( #y ./ it &ist.0 The thesis pro+ect has beco#e a #a+or ca se o( se'ere an$iety (or #e, and ) ha'e - it the #aster<s progra# twice beca se o( the intense physiological and e#otional reactions to the high le'els o( an$iety ) (eel when thin1ing abo t or wor1ing on the pro+ect.

&iterat re =e'iew
9hile ) was able to (ind so#e scholarly research regarding so#e aspects o( #y pro+ect, ) was nable to (ind any (irst-person narrati'es dealing with these iss es, # ch less any gro nded in acade#ic theory. ) recogni3ed this gap and a# cra(ting #y pro+ect to address the lac1 o( (irst-

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person acco nts abo t acade#ic an$iety beca se s ch a narrati'e abo t a topic that #any people e$perience b t (ew tal1 abo t openly has 'al e. 8llis and Bochner<s .A toethnography, Personal Narrati'e, =e(le$i'ity! =esearcher as S b+ect0 inspired the str ct re o( #y pro+ect. The a thors ha'e social sciences bac1gro nds and cha#pion the concept o( a toethnography, which they consider to be a s bgenre o( ethnography. )n a toethnography the researcher is the s b+ect, and her personal +o rney is the pri#ary (oc s o( the wor1. A toethnograhy and #e#oir share so#e si#ilarities b t also ha'e so#e signi(icant di((erences. A toethnography<s ti#eline is #ore (l id and goes between the past and present whereas a #e#oir tells a story that has already happened. Another di((erence is that a toethnography<s goal is to se personal e$periences to #a1e disco'eries on a greater social or c lt ral le'el thro gh the retelling o( the researcher-writer<s personal e$periences> the #e#oir doc #ents a +o rney (or the a thor and s ally does not ha'e a social or c lt ral #essage. ) chose this reso rce to 1eep #e (oc sed on what #y end goals (or this pro+ect are and how ) want #y pro+ect to read. Howe'er, ) will contin e to re(er to #y pro+ect as a #e#oir tho gh ) do belie'e #y thesis will ha'e so#e a toethnographical ele#ents. So#e research in the niche (ield o( library st dies and psychology e$ists, and ) ha'e been able to identi(y two #ain processes that ) can relate to #y str ggles with writing this thesis! cogniti'e beha'ioral therapy 6CBT7 (ro# psychology and the st dy o( acade#ic an$iety (ro# the library, ed cational, and in(or#ational sciences (ields. As described in both Ha ner et al. and Ho(#ann and S#its< research, CBT e$poses s ((erers to what triggers their phobias in a sa(e en'iron#ent thro gh a series o( syste#atic

Schnabel 4

e$pos res, beginning on a s#all scale and grad ally increasing the e$pos re le'el ntil the phobias ha'e disappeared. 6Ha ner et al<s article is .8$pos re Therapy Triggers &asting =eorgani3ation o( Ne ral ?ear Processing0> Ho((#an and S#its< article is .Cogniti'e-beha'ioral Therapy (or Ad lt An$iety Disorders! a Meta-analysis o( =ando#i3ed Placebo-controlled Trials07 A re(le$i'e +o rnal is a staple o( CBT and will be sed in this pro+ect, as opposed to a re(lecti'e +o rnal. A re(le$i'e +o rnal allows the writer to e$plorer the past in order to ha'e a greater nderstanding o( the ( t re whereas a re(lecti'e +o rnal<s (oc s is pri#arily on the past to answer - estions abo t what has already occ rred with no consideration o( ( t re e'ents or e$periences. =e(le$i'e +o rnals ha'e pro'ed to be se( l to other researchers who ha'e e$plored this topic (ro# both inside and o tside the (ield o( psychology and can be seen in Mellon<s .&ibrary An$iety! A %ro nded Theory and its De'elop#ent and "nw egb 3ie<s 9riting a =esearch Proposal! The =ole o( &ibrary An$iety, Statistics An$iety, and Co#position An$iety.0 The library, ed cational, and in(or#ational sciences (ields see# to ha'e readily accepted the concept o( acade#ic an$iety as a tr e pheno#enon and ha'e inspired se'eral articles on the s b+ect since the early 4@@As. ) was relie'ed to (ind that this topic had prior scholarly research, b t ) was s rprised that the #a+ority o( the wor1s applying to #y pro+ect ca#e (ro# these (ields rather than (ro# psychology. The (irst pro#ising article that ) (o nd as ) began cond cting #y research was Dyc1#an<s .?ear o( ?ail re and ?ear o( ?inishing! A Case St dy on the 8#otional Aspects o(

Schnabel 5

Dissertation Proposal =esearch, with Tho ghts on &ibrary )nstr ction and %rad ate St dent =etention.0 The article resonated with #e beca se it showed that ) was not alone in #y str ggle. Dyc1#an was hea'ily in(l enced by K hltha <s .)nside the Search Process! )n(or#ation See1ing (ro# the 2ser<s Perspecti'e! Dyc1#an<s article incl des a slightly #odi(ied 'ersion o( K hltha <s diagra# that represents the di((erent phases o( research and the corresponding e#otions e$perienced with that phase. ) ha'e been re(erring bac1 to this diagra# d ring the co rse o( #y pro+ect, and so (ar #y e$periences echo K hltha <s original (indings. So#e reocc rring the#es ) ha'e disco'ered are the roles o( per(ectionis# and procrastination in acade#ic and general an$iety, which can be seen in %reen<s .Psychosocial ?actors A((ecting Dissertation Co#pletion0 and Biao and "nw egb 3ie<s collaborati'e wor1s .Per(ectionis# and &ibrary An$iety A#ong %rad ate St dents0 and .&ibrary An$iety! Characteristics o( CAt-=is1< College St dents.0 These papers address the correlation a#ong tas1 co#pletion, per(ectionis#, and a'oidance beha'iors. Prior to #y re'iewing this research, it had ne'er occ rred to #e that these beha'iors were related to the types o( proble#s ) ha'e e$perienced, b t ) ha'e been able to identi(y both in #y own li(e. ) will be drawing pon these scholarly reso rces as ) cra(t the story o( #y own battle with acade#ic an$iety. Based on #y research, ) e$pect #y an$iety le'els to drop and panic attac1s to decrease with grad al e$pos re to the pro+ect. ) do ris1 relapse since ) a# both going thro gh this process witho t the assistance o( a pro(essional therapist and #a1ing a #ilitary #o'e to another co ntry, b t with persistence and dedication, co#pletion is possible.

Schnabel 6

Scope*Methodology
The thesis process itsel( is what ) (ear, so to co#plete #y pro+ect, ) will be sing principles o( CTB by e$posing #ysel( to the so rce o( #y an$iety and stress in an atte#pt to o'erco#e #y phobia. My progress and e$periences will be recorded in the re(le$i'e +o rnal. The re(le$i'e +o rnal is a li'ing doc #ent that will re#ain in place (ro# the beginning o( the pro+ect ntil ) a# (inished. ) will record the date, #y (eelings, e#otional and physical state, acti'ity 6s ch as attending class, tal1ing to #y co##ittee, or writing7, and rate #y an$iety le'el (ro# 4D4A, 4 being no*low an$iety and 4A being the highest point o( an$iety 6a panic attac17. The +o rnal will aid in recording the (re- ency o( #y panic attac1s and #eas ring #y progress. ) will se the n #erical rating syste# (ro# the re(le$i'e +o rnal to create a graph that shows the high and low points o( #y an$iety d ring the thesis process. So#e +o rnal entries will ha'e # ltiple an$iety ratings (or a partic lar day, so ) will se the a'erage o( those n #bers (or graphing p rposes. At the beginning o( #y thesis, ) will gi'e a brie( o'er'iew o( #y childhood and past #edical history and how those relate to the person ) ha'e beco#e, the habits ) ha'e, and the coping #echanis#s ) ha'e de'eloped o'er the years. ) will also re(er bac1 to #y co#pleted ./ it &ist0 and in'estigate any trends or rec rring triggers ) ha'e obser'ed, and when possible, ) will disc ss what ) can learn (ro# the e$perience. 9hile #aintaining a nearly tr e chronological order, ) will still be able to categori3e #y .- its0 by type! talent, acade#ic, and career. The only #anip lation to the list occ rred when ) #o'ed #y c rrent e$perience in the Pro(essional and Technical 9riting progra# to the acade#ic

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section tho gh chronologically it wo ld (all a(ter #y e$perience as a @44 e#ergency dispatch operator. ) belie'e re'isiting these categori3ations with re(le$i'e +o rnals at so#e point d ring the co rse o( #y pro+ect will be worthwhile beca se these categori3ations #ight hold 'al able lessons, triggers, or red (lags that ) can se to recogni3e any a'oidance beha'ior in the ( t re. The epilog e will co'er e'ents that happen in :A4E! na#ely, the res lts o( #y pro+ect, which is co#pletion o( the thesis itsel(. ) will either be s ccess( l or not. "nly ti#e and #y re(le$i'e +o rnal will tell. )( ) a# s ccess( l, ) plan to write a brie( how-to g ide to help others o'erco#e their phobias.

Chapters!
). Prologue. This chapter will incl de a general introd ction to #y proble#, disc ss CBT and its role in the pro+ect, and set p the narrati'e (ra#ed in #e#oir. )). My Childhood. Here ) will gi'e a brie( o'er'iew o( how ) grew p, and how it relates to #y c rrent co#pletion proble#, which will set p #y bac1gro nd. ))). Pre-existing Anxiety. )t is i#portant to disclose that ) ha'e pre-e$isting an$iety. ) ha'e attended therapy, which is why ) a# (a#iliar with so#e psychological ter#s and concepts witho t ha'ing that acade#ic bac1gro nd. None o( #y research #entions i( the s b+ects had pre-e$isting an$iety, so ) thin1 this in(or#ation is 1ey to nderstanding #y c rrent state

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)F.

Thesis Paralysis. 9riting abo t co#pleting #y thesis is the pro+ect itsel(. ) ha'e an irrational (ear o( the thesis process that ca ses #e e$tre#e an$iety. ) ha'e let this (ear lead #e to - it the #aster<s progra# twice. Here ) will e$plain #y sit ation.

F.

The Quit List. 9hat began as a writing e$ercise to help #e see i( ) ha'e - it as o(ten as ) thin1 ) ha'e t rned into the ./ it &ist.0 ) will incl de in chronological order all the .- its0 that ) can recall. A(ter (leshing o t this list, ) recogni3ed #y list ite#s co ld be gro ped into three categories! talent, acade#ic, and career. This categori3ation will not a((ect the chronological order in any signi(icant way. ) plan to co##ent on each o( these gro ps in a re(le$i'e +o rnal entry, disc ssing what ) can learn. A. Talent! 4. Ballet :. =oyal Arts St dio S ##er Art Classes G. %irl Sco ts E. ?la#e %y#nastics H. "rchestra I. =a#sey ?lag &ine 5. =a#sey Cheerleading ;. So thside Dr # Ma+or @. So thside Band 4A. %olden Star Dancers B. Academic! 4. AP 8 ropean History

Schnabel 9

:. 2ni'ersity o( the "3ar1s 62 o( "7 G. Theatre E. &ea'ing 2 o( " H. Biology I. &ighting Design 5. MA&S ;. PT9 C. Career! 4. Bob as e$ec ti'e assistant at N&C 6co#pany pse dony#7 :. Bob as #ar1eting director at K Co#pany 6co#pany pse dony#7 G. Bob as @44 e#ergency dispatch operator F). Reflexi e !ournal. The re(le$i'e +o rnal is a li'ing doc #ent that will be in place (ro# the beginning to the end o( #y thesis pro+ect. ) will record the date, #y (eelings, e#otional and physical state, acti'ity 6s ch as attending class, tal1ing to #y co##ittee, or writing7, and rate #y an$iety le'el (ro# 4D4A, 4 being no*low an$iety and 4A being the highest point o( an$iety 6a panic attac17. At this stage o( the process ) ha'e two potential plans (or the re(le$i'e +o rnal. ) can wea'e it into the narrati'e, or place it here at the end o( the te$t to answer the - estion .Did ) s ccess( lly co#plete #y thesisJ0 F)). "#ilogue. The epilog e will be the last piece that ) write. )t will be written in :A4E as #y thesis pro+ect nears co#pletion and will s ##ari3e what ) ha'e learned (ro# this e$perience. As #entioned pre'io sly, i( ) a# s ccess( l, ) plan to write a brie( how-to g ide to help others o'erco#e their phobias.

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Ti#eline (or Co#pletion

$ate %rite Re ise Additional Tas&s

'e#t ()*+

Proble#*P rpose*Personal Proble#*P rpose*Personal %et chair*co##ittee Connection Connection &it=e'iew*Methodology Ti#eline ?ir# p proposal with chair. Send to Dr. N. "ct G4 (or early No'. distrib tion to co##ittee

,-t ()*( Re-a# e ery 'unday ./ $r. 0.

&it=e'iew*Methodology Ti#eline Annotated chapter list

0o ()*+ Re-a# e ery 'unday ./ $r. 0. $e- (

=e'isions (ro# chair and co##ittee

=e'isions (ro# co##ittee %et proposal dra(t to co##ittee with chair appro'al $efend 1y 0o 23

N*A

N*A

'u1mit #ortfolio 1y $e- 4

$e- (+)!an (2 !an (* 5e1 2)(3

Begin (irst dra(t 9or1 on pro+ect 9rite epilog e

%eneral re'ising %eneral re'ising ?irst dra(t to chair on

Schnabel 11

5e1 (3

Mar 4 Mar (6

N*A

Ma1e re'isions (ro# chair<s co##ents

Mar (3

N*A

S b#it second dra(t to chair

A#r (

'u1mit draft to -ommittee

A#r (6

Ma1e any re'isions (ro# co##ittees

A#r 22

S b#it .(inal0 dra(t to all co##ittee #e#bers

A#r 27

N*A

N*A

De(end pro+ect

Schnabel 12

%or&s Cited Dyc1#an, &ise M. .?ear o( ?ail re and ?ear o( ?inishing! A Case St dy on the 8#otional Aspects o( Dissertation Proposal =esearch, with Tho ghts on &ibrary )nstr ction and %rad ate St dent =etention.0 AC=& Twel(th National Con(erence, Minneapolis, MN. 5D 4A Apr. :AAH. 9eb. :G A g. :A4G. 8llis, Carolyn S. and Arth r Bochner. KA toethnography, Personal Narrati'e, =e(le$i'ity! =esearcher as S b+ectK The Handbook of Qualitative Research. 8d. Nor#an Den3in and L'onna &incoln. Sage, :AAA. 5GGD5I;. 9eb. G Sep. :A4G. %reen, Kathy 8. .Psychosocial ?actors A((ecting Dissertation Co#pletion.0 New Directions for Higher Education. 4@@5.@@ 64@@57! H5DIE. Academic Search Com lete! 9eb. :@ A g. :A4G. Ha ner, Katherina K., et al. K8$pos re Therapy Triggers &asting =eorgani3ation o( Ne ral ?ear Processing.K "roceedings of the National Academ# of Sciences! 4A@.:G 6:A4:7! @:AGD@. 9eb. :@ A g. :A4G. Ho(#ann, Ste(an %., and Basper A.B. S#its. KCogniti'e-beha'ioral Therapy (or Ad lt An$iety Disorders! a Meta-analysis o( =ando#i3ed Placebo-controlled Trials.K The $ournal of Clinical "s#chiatr#. I@.E 6:AA;7! I:4DIG:.9eb. :; A g. :A4G. Biao, / n %. and Anthony B. "nw egb 3ie. .Per(ectionis# and &ibrary An$iety A#ong %rad ate St dents0 The $ournal of Academic %ibrarianshi ! :E.H 64@@;7! GIHDG54. Science Direct. 9eb. : Sep. :A4G.

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---. .&ibrary An$iety! Characteristics o( CAt-=is1< College St dents.0 Mid-So th 8d cational =esearch Association Con(erence, Bilo$i, MS. @ No'. 4@@H. Science Direct. 9eb. : Sep. :A4G. K hltha , Carol C. K)nside the Search Process! )n(or#ation See1ing (ro# the 2serMs Perspecti'e.K $AS&S E:.H 64@@47! GI4DG54. 9eb. :A Sep. :A4G. Mellon, Constance A. .&ibrary An$iety! A %ro nded Theory and its De'elop#ent.0 College and Research %ibraries. E5.: 64@;I7! 4I4DIH. 9eb. G Sep. :A4G. "nw egb 3ie, Anthony B. K9riting a =esearch Proposal! The =ole o( &ibrary An$iety, Statistics An$iety, and Co#position An$iety.K %ibrar# ' &nformation Science Research! 4@.4 64@@57! HDGG. Science Direct. 9eb. 4 Sep. :A4G.