Marc Estridge 9500 Whitehorse Lane Charlotte , NC 28277 QuestionMarc@aol.

com 704-696-9696 9/10/13 Marc Estridge 9500 Whitehorse Lane Charlotte , NC 28277 QuestionMarc@aol.com 704-696-9696 9/10/13

To: UNCC Dining Services Office Management Dear Sirs and Madams, This letter is to address a concern of the food options within the multiple dining halls here on campus. When attending orientation over summer, we were provided with food in the Crown Plaza Dining Hall, and I was thoroughly impressed with the taste and presentation. This initial introduction to the food excited me to what the menu would consist of once I became an oncampus student. However, once I began attending UNCC full time, my original opinion was diminished. After the trek across campus from the high rises to the Student Union, I was extremely displeased with what I was welcomed with. The menu options seemed rather intriguing, although as I approached the first counter, my stomach cringed due to the irking smell and gruesome appearance of the pasta and not-so-cooked chicken. I took a lap around the cafeteria only to realize there was nothing appealing. I took my chances with the Chicken Alfredo, which I would come to regret later on that night when I came to the conclusion that I, in fact, had food poisoning. I attempted to forget this unpleasant first meal, and tested out the other dining hall for lunch a few days later with several of my peers. I made sure to avoid any pasta and/or chicken, so I went with a more safe alternative, and chose the pizza, which actually seemed appetizing. I gave my friends the advice to steer away from all pasta and chicken, so they decided to get the pizza as well. After another long night becoming well acquainted with the Moore Hall bathroom, I sent a text to the others to see how they felt. Within a few short moments, and several unfiltered responses later, I had come to the conclusion that I would not be returning to the dining halls. As a former employee of athe Chick-Fil-A franchise, I fully understand the importance of saving time and money when preparing meals for a mass market. This, however, did not restrain Chick-Fil-A from providing high quality products in order to ensure customer satisfaction. After researching the cost of a meal plan here at UNCC, I was sure that for a minimum of $2000, the food quality would be top notch. I relayed my concern to my parents, and they were very irritated to be paying all of this money for my meal plan to go to waste. The decision was made to switch my meal plan to one with more declining balance, and less dining hall meals. Although, after creating a plan of how much I could spend a day on meals at other restaurants, it was obvious I would not have enough for even two2 meals a day. This would be the start to a very unhealthy lifestyle, in which I cannot afford. With this being such a displeasing problem only three3 weeks into the school year, I am very unhappy with what I will be forced to deal with while spending thousands of dollars on

Comment [AP1]: I think this word choice diminished isnt quite working. Your opinion might change, but I dont think it can diminish. Comment [AP2]: How much of this is essential information? Comment [AP3]: Sounds british. Comment [AP4]: Ha! This is funny wording here. I think it keeps a light mood, but the issue is still serious. Comment [AP5]: Again, funny. Comment [AP6]: Which words can you cut from this sentence to make it more succinct. Get to the point faster and use only the amount of words you need in a sentence.

Comment [AP7]: Don know what this means, but this might be because Im not the right audience. Comment [AP8]: Is your complaint that you cant afford the food or that the food is too unhealthy? Be more clear here. Comment [AP9]: This word isnt working for me here. Seems like an unnatural usage of the word.

Marc Estridge 9500 Whitehorse Lane Charlotte , NC 28277 QuestionMarc@aol.com 704-696-9696 9/10/13

food that is not up to standards. After speaking to many of my fellow schoolmates, it was obvious that I was not the only one concerned. I am writing to expose you to this dissatisfaction in hopes of having the problem fixed. Improvements to the food should be made in order to please students and their families. Quality is a very important factor to include in keeping students returning to the dining halls. I hope you will take my concerns into consideration, or else I will be persuaded to find an alternate living arrangement, or even alternative school options. Sincerely,

Comment [AP10]: What standard are you talking about here? Comment [AP11]: This also sounds british. Do you mean "classmates"?

Marc Estridge

Marc Estridge 9500 Whitehorse Lane Charlotte , NC 28277 QuestionMarc@aol.com 704-696-9696 9/10/13

Analysis Memo Before beginning the writing of my complaint letter, I chose an audience in which I would address throughout the letter. For my audience I chose the Dining Services Office management, because I was certain they would be concerned with the matter. If anyone would be able to act upon my complaint, it would be them. They are ahead of all dining services within the campus including the dining halls, and the other restaurants. The way my letter was composed, I made sure to create a feeling of concern within them, by pointing out the multiple flaws that I witnessed in my experiences with the dining hall. I used words that would create a feeling of disgust and shame within them such as gruesome and unappealing because they are very unpleasant adjectives that would make the management realize what a problem the food quality was to the campus residence. By using these words I was addressing the rhetoric device of Pathos by appealing to the Dining Services managements feelings. They should take pride in the food that the cafeteria sells, considering if a bad image of the food is created, it is entirely on them. By addressing the fact that I was an ex-employee at Chick-Fil-A and discussing the idea of being efficient while still creating a high quality product, I was using Ethos in order to assert a sense of credibility in the information, in which I was providing. Considering I am only a student at the school, I have to real authority, but if I am able to create the idea that I do in fact have some education on the matter that I am addressing, my concerns will seem more important to the Dining Management. Also I was sure to include detailed examples of what was wrong with the food, and also events that I went through as a result of eating the food, in order to show the Management the severe problems that were being caused by their overly greased processed

Comment [AP12]: Again, fewer wrods.

Comment [AP13]: Who is them here? be clear.

Comment [AP14]: ? Comment [AP15]: why do you think this and why is it important?

Marc Estridge 9500 Whitehorse Lane Charlotte , NC 28277 QuestionMarc@aol.com 704-696-9696 9/10/13

foods. I also made sure to explain the fact that I gave the cafeteria multiple tries, so that it would not seem as if it were just a one time experience that wouldn't happen again. These examples also relate to the idea of pathos because I was creating an idea and emotion in the mind of my audience in order to persuade them that what I was saying was in fact an important matter. At the end of my complaint letter, I made sure to include an idea for what I would like done in order to resolve this matter that was not over the top, but that was understandable considering the matter I was addressing. I gave a logical resolution, in order to show logos within my paper. Also I was sure to use examples of research I did so that my logic was indeed factual and not purely based off of the opinions I was including. In conclusion, I was sure to include all three3 rhetorical devices, pathos, logos, and ethos, in a way that formally addressed the audience I had intended for it to. All ideas and details included played a part in a convincing paper that would raise awareness in the mind of whom it would concern. Mark, I think you have a good complaint here, one that is relevant and worthwhile. I do feel like to say a lot here that you could have said in far fewer words. Lots of linked together prepositional phrases that created this redundant, overly verbose writing style that can distract or confuse readers. Try to condense some of these sentences. Kind of like how we did in class that day with the mystery objects. Your analysis seems a little rushed. You need to take your time to really discuss the substance of your letter. Write organized and thoughtful paragraphs as opposed to one long one. Really dive into a conversation with specific references to specific elements of your letter.
Comment [AP16]: I not so sure about the way you are using the word idea. Can you use more accurate and specific language?

Comment [AP17]: You have lots of missing commas and misused commas. Ive pointed out a few, but you really need to know how commas work. Id suggest a grammar handbook.