Dear UNCC Parking and Transportation Services, It was very inconvenient receiving three parking tickets all within

two2 days of each one. I understand that parking on the grass lawn next to Oak Hall is frowned upon but when there are no spots in the lot I had to take matters into my own hands and resolve the issue with a safer plan. Last weekend I decided to leave campus and stay with my family for a few days, I planned on arriving back to Charlotte Sunday evening. As I drove and searched intensely for a parking spot I noticed many vehicles without parking permits that didnt have the satisfaction of dealing with a $50 ticket. After circling around the hall five times it was already 11:00 pm and I wasnt comfortable driving across campus to park in a parking deck then walking alone all the way back to my dorm room. Seeing as I am a 52 girl, I know you wouldnt have felt s afe being alone either. I saw a spot to park in the grass where another car had been for the past week. I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. I put my mustang in park, turned off the lights, locked my doors and hurried inside before anyone saw I was alone. The following morning I woke up to my roommates shaking me back to consciousness and informing me of my lovely ticket that was placed under my windshield wiper. As I jumped out of bed and sprinted outside I saw the PATS vehicle drive away. I grabbed the ticket and sped off to try and explain to the campus service my reasoning behind parking in a no parking zone. As soon as I caught up to the van I spotted someone backing up out of a spot. I floored it to the perfectly paved parking spot right in front of my dorm room. I figured it wasnt that big of a deal to pay for the ticket because I was in the wrong. After parking I walked back to my room and prepared for my classes that I had that day. I threw my backpack over my shoulder, drank my Starbucks and headed to Storrs for Sociology class. I walked past my car as it was on the way to the sidewalk and noticed a very similar yellow slip of paper above my window. I rushed to see what I had done now. Passing a parking meter that I did not see before in front of the parking spot where my freshly washed white ford was sitting. I knew right then why youre staff had given me yet another ticket. The main problem that I have is that there are fifteen handicapped parking spots that are never used for Oak hall. My roommates and I live in the only handicapped dorm and none of us are handicapped. Also, Residents of other halls are keeping their cars in our lots. I dont appreciate being ticketeding when I have a valid reason for parking in the grass or in a meter parking spot. I will complain to the Board of the school if this continues. I paid $450 for a parking permit, adding $50 for every ticket I receive is ridiculous. Please make more parking spaces available or this will not be the last time you hear from me. Thank you, Haley Dwyer.
Comment [AP1]: This first sentence seems to set up a very weak argument. Ill be that it is inconvenient, but I dont think their in the business of appeasing conveniences. Comment [AP2]: Do you think they would say frowned upon or against the rules? Comment [AP3]: Intently?

Comment [AP4]: Watch these run-ons

Comment [AP5]: Good reasoning here. Comment [AP6]: Why point out the kind of car you drive?

Comment [AP7]: Too patronizing?

Comment [AP8]: Im getting a little lost in the chronology here.

Comment [AP9]: What relevance does this have? Comment [AP10]: Is calling the handicapped the main problem the best rhetorical strategy? They may be keeping with a regulation. Comment [AP11]: Seems like an empty threat. Comment [AP12]: This seems to be the more reasonable solution to the problem.

The Analysis Memo

Ethos: My ethical appeal was to pose as a helpless young girl who didnt feel comfortable walking at night alone. My reasoning for parking in the grass was in fact valid and any young woman or mother would agree. Although the campus would fight the reasoning and give you situations on what actions should have taken place, they werent there during that time so they really cant tell you what you should and should not have done. Pathos: As for Pathos I used the fear of walking alone as my emotional reasoning for parking in the grass. An adult would understand, seeing as they have children they worry about also and it is the campus responsibility to keep their students safe. Logos: For the logical reason why I didnt feel safe would be the fact that I am a small female who could not defend herself unless she was accompanied by a male or carried protection such as pepper spray, a tazerTaser or was certified to carry a concealed weapon. Considering I didnt have any of those things, the only action that felt right was to park closer to my dorm around other people where nothing felt harmful. Word Choice: I chose to use words such as safe, alone and hurried because I wanted the reader of this complaint letter to feel how I felt trying to find a close parking spot when all were taken and the closest spot was practically near the football field. These words define my thought process for my actions of parking in a no park zone in front of the dorm. I used descriptive words of my features to prove a point that I am not the scariest person to come across and any intruder on campus could take advantage of that which is why I was scared in the first place.
Comment [AP15]: I really want you to write an essay here as opposed to going through a checklist of items. Comment [AP13]: Who is you in this paragraph? It can be jarring for your audience if you refer to them directly, so try to avoid it if at all possible or if you are doing it with a specific rhetorical purpose in mind. If you dont have a purpose in mind, avoid using you. Comment [AP14]: I can see this, using fear can be a strong motivator. I think you are simultaneously appealing to their logic as well.

The overall outcome that Im looking for after writing this complaint letter to parking services is that they will hopefully understand my reasons and appeal the tickets that werent necessary. Also Im hoping to accomplish the campus providing my hall with more parking spots to be open to just oak hall and the next time they provide students with parking permits, make sure their hall has enough for each resident so that some students will not feel in danger walking across campus during the night. Safety is the key component in my letter and I addressed that thoroughly to get my point across.

Audience: Im addressing this letter to Parking and Transportation Services because they are in charge of the parking citations that I was given. They deserved to hear my reasoning for why I shouldnt have to pay for 3 tickets when my explanation is reasonable. They are the first step in solving the parking space problem but knowing they wont take charge just to keep giving parking tickets, the actual school board is the next step in helping all of Oak Hall residents. Haley, I think you have an interesting complaint here, and if you go to college long enough, youll certainly have to wrestle with the parking people. I think you do a good job describing the situation and the source of your grievance. I do wonder about what your ultimate purpose is here? do you just want more parking spots? Do you want forgiveness for your tickets? What do you think is in the power of the parking services people? You essay is a little static. In that, you dont seem to be having a conversation. You seem to be moving through a checklist of obligatory items and then theres some redundancy with respect to the bit about safety. While I think this probably your more rhetorically effective piece (of the letter) I really want to see your analysis on the letter as a whole. Have a conversation. Point to specific words or passages that you think were particularly effective. Pull direct quotes. Explain the whys and what-fors of your process. The Frankenstein approach youve taken with assembling the essay isnt quite the best way to write an essay. Write an intro, a conclusion. Really knock the essay out of the park.