Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18.

2013

Progress of the Sponsorship of My Mother Project

Im three years old and its time for my first performance. I see everybody in the crowd looking at me waiting to see what I will do, little do they know that I am about to blow them away. My have spent months going over the song, running it over and over, time after time. Im not even nervous. What does nervous even mean at three. The church is packed with people, talking about how this little girl is about to get in front of them and perform. I see my dad, sister, aunt, uncle, everybody is here. The most important of all, my mom, is sitting in the front row with a microphone in her hand waiting to give me my signal to come on out. I see the signal. I walk out, with my head held high ready to show all these people that a little girl can sing too. The music starts and everybody starts clapping. My mama is holding my mic and tells me when to start. Jesus, Jesusoh what a wonderful child. Jesus, Jesusso holy mickey mouse. Even though Im singing the wrong words, everyone is cheering and singing along. My mom is smiling at me, singing along too; she looks so proud of her baby. After months of practicing with me, over and over, in the car, in the kitchen, before bed, Im finally singing the song. After Im done all the older people stand up and clap so hard for me. My pastor is saying how God was going to use me to minister to others through song. I must have done better than I thought because even he started to sing the song and everyone joined in, including me. Im only three and they say that I am going to minister to others. This made me extremely happy. This point was one of the first times I ever sung in public. I fall in love with it immediately. The feeling that all those people were there for me, the feeling that I was making

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others happy just by singing. This warm feeling of needing to sing just to keep functioning. Little did I know that this feeling and love would grow as much as it would as I grew older?

Days that my mom and I would take an entire day just to be together were some of the best days I can remember. We would go shopping and go out to eat, have so much fun. But, the most special moments were when my mom decided to start randomly singing and make me jump in to help. I can remember how she would start singing an old hymn and I wouldnt even know the words. She would repeat the song over and over until I got the words then she would tell me to harmonize with her. When I was younger I had no idea how to do this, but as I got older and she helped me more and more, I began to pick out a harmony so quick. We could start at one note and by the time we were done, be in a completely different note of a completely different song. I never thought a car could be such an impact on someones life. The car was the spot for my mom. She always seemed to want to teach me some lesson about how to match pitch or broaden my vocal range. The car was to her as a class room is to a teacher. I loved being able to sing full out, strong and proud. She would always tell me that singing loud like that built my confidence. These days of quality time with her, singing to our hearts desire is really where I boosted my confidence. I could mess up the song, the note, anything and she would never judge me. She would always say Thats okay baby, try it againshit, even mama messes up haha. This would put the biggest smile on my face. Eventually, I got to a point where my mom would just look at me and say Wowyou really

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have learned a thing or two over the years. These moments with her are times I wish I could get back, or at least have one more time.

Its 11:08, time for concert choir. My favorite part of high school was being able to go sing in the middle of the day. If it were not for my mama pushing me to stay in choir I probably would not even be here right now. Mrs. Burke is calling roll as always and after she gets done we have warm ups. Im one of her favorite altos. She loved my strong deep voice so much my freshman year that she allowed me to advance into the Concert Choir without even auditioning. Today she is starting one of the hardest songs we will sing at out concert, its in Hebrew. When I saw the music I was horrified. I thought to myself that I am only a sophomore, I cannot read music, let alone in another language. I went home so irritated with Mrs. Burke. I told my mom that this crazy woman expects me to sing this by sight and in another language. M u mom started laughing at me and told me that this is good for me and that this is why she wanted me to stay in choir so badly. I would have the opportunity to learn different languages and sing at an entirely different level than what I was used to. When I went back the next day I had a new frame of mind. I went to class eager to start this song, this God awful song in Hebrew. Its crazy though. By the time the concert came around I could sing the music by memory. I was actually speaking in Hebrew and understood what I was saying. The day of the concert my mom took me out to dinner. In the car she told me to sing the song for her. I started singing and she looked so happy. She looked proud. She told me that after

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the concert that she saw the love of music and singing in me again. Being able to actually learn a song in Hebrew and sing it so well with determination not to mess up and sound my best she said was evidence that my love was back. She was right.

Being a part of a choir was always fun. Before moving churches, I use to sing with my mom, dad, and sister in the combined choir. I loved being with all the adults, and my talents had really started to pick up. I was singing more solos at church services and different programs that we would have. However when I was six, we moved to a new church and things changed for the worst. I was put in the childrens choir. I honestly hated it. I would over hear my mom telling my dad that I was too advanced for that choir. There werent any solos and all the songs sounded like a bunch of babies crying. I was never allowed to sing the songs the way I wanted. There was no freedom. The one time I actually had the chance to sing a solo, my choir director sabotaged me and made the key of the song too high for me to sing normally. The song sounded horrible. As I ran off the stage of pure embarrassment I can remember seeing my mom running after me and taking me out of the church. She comforted me and told me that she would find a choir suitable for her baby. Not long after that horrible day, my mom found a community youth choir for me to sing in. It wasnt at my church and that upset my dad, but to my mom, it was a chance to help me fall back in love with singing because by now I was scared to sing out on my own in public. I had stopped singing solos and never wanted to be on any program this church or anyone else had.

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This community choir my mom said, is going to give her her confidence back. She will learn to love music and singing the way she used to, the way we all do.

Its Christmas. I hear all the noise that my family is making all over the house. Everyone is finally here and we can actually start everything. My family was a tight family. Holidays meant food and music. My aunt starts us out with Jesus on the Main Line and everybody immediately jumps in. My aunt is leading of course, while we all pick a part. The blend is so beautiful that its almost indescribable. Its like we all knew where each of us would go causing the perfect balance of different voices and notes. My mom, as always is right beside me, changing notes every five seconds to make me learn how to adjust easily. Even though it is extremely annoying, its really helped me a lot. I can switch notes so easy that its scary. After our opening song we would pray, say a scripture and sing some more. Other than the food, singing was something we all looked forward to. It seemed as if the music was what brought us all together. On holidays like this the songs were so much better. Even though singing with my mom was the best, singing with my entire family was just so much better. The songs seemed to be fuller, the harmonies were broader, and it was a chance to learn new tricks or have something new critique my style of singing. As a child I always wondered why my mom, dad, and sister only went to my moms side of the families holiday dinners and big gatherings; but, as my love for singing grew I realized that my moms entire side of family knew how to sing and from that point I knew it was a purpose for us to always be around this side.

Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18. 2013