To Whom It May Concern: Hello, my name is Kirby Coffey and this weekend I went shopping in your store and

I would like to tell you about my experience. Unfortunately it was not a good experience and hopefully you will take what I have to say and really consider on making a few changes. My intentions for this letter is not to be rude in anyway I am just informing you so you can help others have a better shopping experience. When I first got into your store I was very excited to shop, but as I walked into your store the employee who greeted me seemed to not care about me as the buyer or care about her job. I tried not to think about it to much as I started to browse the selection of clothing. This is when my next problem showed up. While I was looking through the clothes it was hard to see all the clothes that were on the rack because you had so many articles of clothing crammed on to each rack. Every time I tried to get a closer look at a shirt or tried to find my size hangers kept falling off the rack. I am sure I am not the only one to whom this is happened to because I could see many hangers with clothing on them on the floor looking like they have been kicked under the rack to hide the fact that they have actually fallen. After making my way to the through the store I started to head to the dressing room. I was shocked to see how long the line was. Here I was with my arms filled with heavy clothing and I had to stand there and wait. When I got to the front of the line I expected to see all the dressing rooms in use but a whole side of the room was being used to store new clothing. Trying on my clothes also was a struggle because there were only three hooks to hang my clothes on. I then had no choice but to put my current clothing and purse on the ground, which was not the cleanest. Maybe you could install a few more hooks in each dressing room so this problem could be avoided. Once I was finished cleaning I put my unwanted clothes on a rack and headed toward the accessories. I was looking forward to finding some really interesting pieces for a great price. Even though I knew the jewelry sold at your store is cheaply made and would brake in a couple of weeks its almost worth it because of the price. I made my way over to the earrings and I had to really search for a pack of earrings that did not have and earring or two that were missing. All of the rings were mixed up so it was hard to find my size in a ring that I wanted because I could only find one or two of the same rings. Also a lot of the necklaces were tangled together to where you could not untangle one even if you tried. After finally being ready to check out I had to wait in line for what seemed like forever. The most annoying thing about the line was that it snaked through the jewelry section to where people were constantly trying to move behind me or in front of me. When it was my turn to check out I realized that they only had two registers open. That didnt make sense to me since it was in the middle of the day on Saturday. While checking out, the cashier seemed to spit out the stores return policies at a rapid speed and was just trying to get through the line. Over all my experience was a stressful one and I would only go back to that store if I had to. I would like to come back to the store one day see that you have made the necessary changes to help your store run more efficiently. I hope this letter was informative enough for you to know what you should consider changing. Thank you for your time and consideration. -Kirby Coffey

Comment [AP1]: Can you not find a more specific audience? How would you send this? Email? Postal? Comment [AP2]: Is this needed since you name is at the bottom and, presumably, in a subject or header of the email or letter? Comment [AP3]: What store is this? Comment [AP4]: I feel like when people say this, they mean the opposite. Like saying No offense, but and then say something offensive.

Comment [AP5]: Reconsider your use of the word to here. Comment [AP6]: What does this mean?

Comment [AP7]: I feel like you might be just piling on small complaints and so I wonder if this letter will generate enough urgency to enact change, or if they will be overwhelmed with the suggestions and then disregard the letter. Know what I mean? Comment [AP8]: Yikes, are you being glib here? Comment [AP9]: You are recycling this phrase here. Comment [AP10]: Could you be more specific. Im wondering what kind of tone this creates.

The Analysis Memo Deciding where to direct my complaint letter was a real struggle for me. Im the type of person who keeps their comments to themselves and does not say anything to anyone of any importance. I finally settled on writing my letter to a clothing store called Forever 21. I picked this store because I felt like I would have a lot to write about. I havent decided on whether I am going to send this letter or n ot but it was nice to get all my problems with the store out on paper. My audience to this paper is obviously the manager of the store. I wrote to this person because I feel like they would my best option to getting my problems fixed. While talking to the manager I made sure my letter did not come across as rude. I even said in my letter, my intention for this letter is not to be rude. I feel like if I were rude and very negative the reader would be less likely to help my cause and me. As the writer I wanted the reader to feel my frustration like they were the ones shopping in my shoes. I heavily relied on the aspect of rhetoric called pathos. Since pathos plays into your emotions I felt like if I could get the reader to feel sorry for me than I could get more out of him or her. An example of this is when I told about my experience in the dressing room. When I said, here I was with my arms filled with heavy clothing I wanted the reader to have detailed image of a shopper struggling with their items. I used words like stressful and annoying to show what emotions were being expressed during that time. The next aspect I used was logos. I tired to make my solutions for this problem as logical as possible. Again, when I am in the dressing room and I do not
Comment [AP15]: But these are your emotions. Im not sure if your audience is sharing these emotions. Comment [AP14]: Dont write as if your audience (your peers and me) is not familiar with these terms. Comment [AP11]: So you only talk to people who are of unimportance? Comment [AP12]: I wouldnt have known this from the letter. While, yes, they would know, since it would be on the appropriate persons desk or email, I think there is value in identifying the specific store to lend credibility, so it doesnt seem like youre carpet-bombing a random store with complaints. Comment [AP13]: Why obviously? You said to whom it may concern.

have enough hooks for my clothing and purse I suggest that to fix the problem they should install more hooks. There is a simple solution to every problem. My last reference to logos would be when I talked about not coming back unless I had to. This makes the reader think that they only logical way to get that person s service back is to fix the problem that were stated. I do feel like I used a lot of more sophisticated works such as snaked, spit, and browsed. I could have just as easily have used the words went, blab, and looked. I feel like my word choice was more mature and would make my letter be taken seriously. If I had chosen to use words that I use on a day-to-day basis the letter would not the effect that I was hoping to achieve. I also made sure to not have any grammatical errors in my paper. This paper is going to a professional business and for my letter to have any impact I need to show them that I demand to be taken seriously and have my voice heard. With this letter I just wanted the manager to know how I felt about the store and that they would be losing my business if things did not change. I did not demand any gift cards or threaten them with a lawsuit because I felt that my letter was not serious enough for those things to be put into the letter. I feel like my letter did accomplish what I set out to accomplish in the first place. I know my writing still has a lot of room for improvement but I am proud of my complaint letter. Kirby I think you have some interesting complaints here, but I think I need more specificity here. You begin vague and generally enough with to whom it may concern. This sort of go-to naming convention or anonymous people is okay only when you really cant write anything else. For example you could say manager at the Forever 21 store on Whatever Street. Also, I do feel like you are piling on the complaints. Do you think it would be more profitable to think of one primary
Comment [AP20]: Is this last sentence needed? Comment [AP19]: Okay, good reasoning here. Comment [AP16]: Is it you job to logically invent a solution to the problem? Arent you supposed to be logically convincing your audience that your problem is a worthwhile problem? Comment [AP17]: Why are these sophisticated? Comment [AP18]: Why? Be specific? How are these inferences possible.

complaint and address it? Again, I think specificity is important here, in your letter and in your analysis. Dont leave the reader to figure out what you mean, explain it. Be thorough. Be specific. Dont just say you chose a word because it was more professional; explain why it was more pro fessional.