Name: Jaelyn deGuia Date:10/11/13 Block:A6 TOOLS FO !NGL"S# S$#OLA S: S%&&AT"'! ASS!SS&!NT (A T 1: ANAL)S"S OF A ( OF!SS"ONAL * "T"NG SA&(L!

ONeal, Shaquille. "A Good Reason to Look Up" Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul. Ed. Jack Can ield, et al , et al. !ee" ield #each, $L% &ealth Co''unications, (nc., et al, )**+. ). ,"int. -he .en"e is a non/ iction na""ati0e, the autho" tells us a1out his pe"sonal e2pe"iences 3ith "esponsi1ilit4. &e tells us he 'ade un o and pulled p"actical 5okes on pee"s, and 3h4 it isnt oka4. -he sto"4 3ould 1e help ul to so'eone 3ho likes to do the sa'e thin., so'eone 3ho needs to take up 'o"e "esponsi1ilit4, o" 5ust an4one. -he 'ain idea o this te2t is to 1e the leade", dont t"4 to 1e so'eone 4ou"e not 1ecause o a si'ple la3. E0e"4one has so'ethin. that the4 dont like a1out the'sel0es. E0en cele1"ities like the autho", Shaquille ONeal ha0e thei" i'pe" ections, 6#ein. tall 'ade 7hi'8 eel so unco' o"ta1le. (n o"de" to keep the ocus o 7hi'8 and his unusual hei.ht, 7he8 3ent alon. 3ith the c"o3d 3ho 3ould pla4 p"actical 5okes on othe" kids at school9. ONeal sa4s, 6to 1e a 1i. 'an in '4 hea"t and actions, as 3ell as in '4 1od4.9 -his si'ile sho3s that he had to take cha".e. -he autho"s 3o"d choice is eas4 o" all "eade"s to unde"stand. &e uses e2a'ples like 1asket1all and school to "elate and connect to the "eade", and to teach the' in 3a4s the4 3ould unde"stand. -he sentence st"uctu"e is o"'ed the sa'e 3a4 4ou 3ould speak. ONeal e2plains the 'ood o disappoint'ent o" sadness in the sto"4. ONeal 3ould pull p"actical 5okes until it 3ent too a". &e chan.ed hi'sel into the pe"son his athe" ne3 he 3as. -he 'ood chan.ed to 'o"e upli tin. than a sad. -he na""ati0e point o 0ie3 is the autho" usin. his o3n e2pe"ience to tell us a1out leade"ship, and ho3 he ca'e to 1e the 'an he is toda4. (A T +: * "T"NG GOALS #ecause '4 diction should esta1lish so""o3 and i'pe" ection, ( 3ill use 3o"ds that "eade"s can unde"stand 1ut 3ill still 1e 'o"e sophisticated. -he 3o"ds 3ill e2plain '4 eelin.s and thou.hts th"ou.hout the sto"4. Althou.h ( 3ill ai' o" sadness in the 1e.innin. o the na""ati0e, ( 3ill slo3l4 use 3o"ds that a"e 'o"e encou"a.in. and 5o4 ul. -o achie0e .ood sentence st"uctu"e, ( 3ill use di e"ent t4pes o clauses to put 0a"iet4 into '4 3"itin., 1ut still 'aintain a st"on. o"'at so '4 audience can ."asp 'o"e in o"'ation "o' '4 anal4sis. ( 3ill use si'iles in o"de" to esta1lish the 'ood and to displa4 a "ealistic sto"4 that "eade"s can en5o4 and "elate to.

A New Door
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has bee opened for us. -Helen Keller Since 3rd grade, I have been dancing at Broadway Dance Academy. A small dance school near my house. After this last years recital my teacher sent a letter to all the students saying her husband was stationed in Florida. She wrote a note saying she could always count on me to ut a great erformance on at the recital. It shattered my heart that she was leaving. She was a strict teacher, but that was what got me to center stage with girls that thought I !ust a baby. I was the to of my class with girls "# years old. $hen my mom suggested I try out for a dance team at a school some of my friends danced at. Still missing my old dance school I turned the o ortunity down. I heard some of my former classmates were going to a school that my arents didnt li%e at all, which was one of the reasons I turned it down. &he truth was I thought I wasnt ready. About mid' summer my mom as%ed, (Are you sure you dont want to try a new school)* &his time I res onded with an unsure yes. As I got ready for the audition I couldnt find a leotard or tights, I anic%ed thin%ing, *+aybe Im not cut out to be a art of this team.* +y mom found them, but I was still scared. I got there and I didnt %now anyone, I started sha%ing in terror. I was sweating li%e a ig. $hen they started to assess us, thats when I wanted to leave. &he girls my age were better than me. I was humiliated. $hen we were doing lea s across the floor I was in line behind someone loo%ing more scared than me. I decided to introduce myself. $e both !ust laughed about the situation. A wee% later I found out I made it into the com any, I saw her again at the first meeting. $e hel each other ast each obstacle, and encourage one another if theyre feeling blue. If I never went to that audition, I wouldnt have found such a good friend. If I didnt ta%e the ris% I would be dwelling on my old dance school and not loo%ing on the brightside. Dont thin% !ust because you loose something another thing wont come u . Sto dwelling on the ast and live in the resent.

(A T ,:

!FL!$T"ON

Goal One e-lection: " .a/e 0mall e1am2le0 o- 0o33o4 detail5 6ut mo3e o- my de0c3i2tion0 4e3e to4a3d0 t.e -eelin7 o- an1iou0ne008 " 2ut t.e 0ad -eelin70 4it. mi00in7 my dance 0c.ool5 6ut not in anyt.in7 el0e8 T.e mood o- t.e 0to3y 4a0 mo3e to4a3d0 me not 0te22in7 t.3ou7. t.e o2en doo3 and .e0itatin7 to mo/e on8 Goal T4o e-lection: " maintain a 4ell9-o3matted 0entence 0t3uctu3e 56ut t.e 0entence0 4e3e /e3y 0im2le8 " did not /a3y t.e clau0e05 " 0tayed 4it. a 6a0ic 0t3uctu3e8 " could .a/e u0ed di--e3ent com6ination0 o- clau0e0 3at.e3 t.an inde2endent clau0e0 t.3ou7.out t.e 0to3y8 Goal T.3ee e-lection: " u0ed one 0imile in my na33ati/e5 :04eatin7 like a 2i7:8 *.en 43itin7 " couldn;t -ind a 2lace to add a 0imile5 and 2ut em2.a0i0 on t.e to2ic o3 idea8

&y *3itin7 (3oce00: ). :. ;. <. ( 3"ote '4 1asic sto"4 that lacked details. ( ela1o"ated and t"ied to add quotations. ( looked at '4 .oals to t"4 to put 'o"e details in and pe" ect '4 sto"4. -he 'ost i'po"tant .oal 3as c"eatin. the 'ood. ( added di e"ent 3o"ds that 3ould e'phasi=e that eelin.. >. A te" pee" "e0ie3in. ( i2ed 3hat ( could, then ( looked at '4 .oals one last ti'e to t"4 to appl4 the co''ents to the'. ?. $inished ,"oduct.