The Hanged Man RON CAMPBELL

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The Hanged Man

By Ron Campbell
310-621-2287

CAST OF CHARACTERS
Madam………An Old Woman.
Guy…………..A Young Man.
Pegasus…….A Mythical Beast.

SETTING
A Fortune Teller’s Parlor.

(Lights come up on an old woman sitting at a table.

She rings a small bell.)

MADAM
Next please. Come in.

(A young man enters, a little sweaty, nervous.)

GUY
Yeah. Wow. Dark in here. But cool. Good air conditioner I guess. It’s a
scorcher out there. My car. Overheated. This city. So hot, yeah?
I saw the sign. Free palm reading, Tarot. I thought “why not?” What
have I got to lose? Besides, it’s nice in here. Cool. Cozy. Reminds me
of my mom’s place. Back in Colorado. Dark and cool. This damn city.
Burning up. Nice in here though.

MADAM
Come in.

GUY
I only have about ten minutes. The radiator. Needs to cool down. I
figured what the hell. Get my fortune told, maybe get a laugh out of it,
then be on my way. Least I’m getting out of the heat. It must be a
hundred degrees out there.
 MADAM
Sit down.

GUY
Right, right. Sit down. Sure.
No charge, right? No hidden fees? No “astral projection tax” or
something like that?
Not that I can’t afford it. Things are looking pretty good for me right
now. Things are definitely looking up. But then I suppose you already
knew that, you being a psychic and all, right?
I mean besides my car overheating- damn thermostat or something-
I’m in the pink.

MADAM
Sit down.

GUY
(He sits down across from the Old Woman.)

Right. So how does this work? You got a crystal ball you look in to
see my future? Some magic hocus pocus dust you sprinkle on me or
something?

MADAM
Give me your hand.

GUY
Oh right. Palm reading. The lines on my skin tell you what’s gonna
happen to me in the future, yeah?

MADAM
I am not interested in your future. Give me your hand.

GUY
Not interested? You’re not interested in my future?
Well you should be. You should be very interested. Because my
future is looking mighty bright. Yes ma’am. As soon as I get that damn
car back on the road I’m headed straight for the big time. You should
be interested in my future.
 MADAM
I am interested in your past. Give me your hand.

GUY
My past? Okay. Here’s my hand. Tell me all about my past then.
Knock yourself out, lady.

MADAM
(After a moment of looking at his hand:)

You are a criminal.

(GUY pulls his hand back quickly, looks at it.)

GUY
Where do you see that?

MADAM
The hands tell their stories. But there is more. Give me your hand.

GUY
I don’t know about this.

MADAM
(Gently:)

I will show you.

(She takes his hand.)

You see this line? This line signifies the path of your life.
But it is interrupted. Two times. Here and here. You were caught.
Twice. I see you in a cage.

GUY
Chino. Two stretches. Grand theft auto and a trumped up hit and run.
 MADAM
Apparently you are not a very good criminal.

GUY
Hey, hold on a minute. I didn’t come in here to get my work insulted
with some “path of life” mumbo jumbo where you take one look at my
hand and all of a sudden, “Abracadabra!” you can call me a bad
criminal.
I’m good, okay? First rate. Best getaway driver in the city. There, you
pulled it outta me. You had a lucky guess with the criminal part but
don’t go calling me bad.
I just came in here to get out of that heat. Soon as that radiator cools
down I’ve got a job to do. Do you get that, lady? A job. And that’s no
artsy fartsy gypsy mystic mumbo jumbo. That’s the truth.

MADAM
The truth.

GUY
Yeah, lady. And there is only one truth. The truth you make for
yourself. There is no “path of life” carved in your hand from the
beginning. You make your path. Sometimes you might have to carve
your path through the world with a knife or a gun but you are the
decider. Not the world. The world lies. The world makes up stories.
Stories about “spirits” and “psychic phenomenon” and magical
creatures and all that but that’s all lies.
The only truth is yourself. Everything else lies.

MADAM
The cards do not lie.

(She produces a deck of tarot cards and lays them face down on
the table.)

Pick one.

GUY
What are you going to do now? Use the cards to read all about how
my daddy beat me with his belt? How because of my childhood I had
some kind of “bad destiny”? Some flaw in my character that was in
the cards from the beginning? You already know I went to prison-
twice. What else do you need to know about my past?

MADAM
I am no longer interested in your past. Pick a card.

GUY
Not interested in my past. Oh so you’re gonna read my future now?
I already told you: once that thermostat comes down my future is
looking bright.

MADAM
Then pick a card.

GUY
Allright I will. So you can spout your gobbledygook all about how my
destiny- my fate- is all written in the cards like a book or a play and all
I have to do is act out my part. Yeah, that’s it. I’m an actor and all of
my lines have already been written. Is that it?

MADAM
Pick a card and see.

GUY
Fine. I’ll pick a goddamn card.

(He turns over a card.)

MADAM
The Chariot. Tarot card number seven.

GUY
There. You see? Lucky number seven. I told you.
And a chariot. Don’t tell me. That’s my car, right? “My chariot awaits.”
Just needs to cool down a little. That’s good, right? Yeah. The chariot.
Not bad. I’m like a Roman. Riding along in his big chariot. Happy.
Hey did you hear the one about the happy Roman? He was gladiator.
Get it? Glad- He- Ate- Her. Good one.

(GUY laughs at his joke, stops.)

Sorry. Sorry lady. Okay. You tell me. Chariot. What’s it mean?
 MADAM
You are being pulled.

GUY
Pulled? What do you mean pulled?

MADAM
By forces. Currents. Strange undertows.

GUY
Here we go.

MADAM
You are being pulled in opposite directions. You are held still but you
are also moving. Your stomach churns. Your teeth grind. But you are
stuck. Held in the thrall of another. A bad man. This is why you bob
your knee like that.

GUY

(He places his hand on his knee, stilling it.)

A bad man? I’m “in the thrall” of a bad man? Well that’s where you’re
wrong. I got a job with the number one. The numero uno when it
comes to this kind of thing. Hundreds of jobs. Never been touched.
Untouchable. That’s who I’m working for. Mr. Untouchable. He may
be a “bad man”, I’ll give you that, but he’s never been caught.

MADAM
Pick another card.

GUY
Fine. I will. You know why? ‘Cuz I ain’t afraid. I make my own rules. I
carve my own destiny. I pick my own card.

(He turns over another card.)

MADAM
The Hanged Man.
 GUY
Hanged? What’s that supposed to mean?

MADAM
This card is an opportunity.

GUY
An opportunity? An opportunity for what?

MADAM
Escape

GUY
Escape? I don’t need to escape. Escape from what?

MADAM
Your path in life.

GUY
Yeah right, here we go. I told you I’m about to cut through all the
bullshit. All of society’s rules and ordinances. I’m locked on to my
target. If I’m on any kind of path it’s headed full speed ahead like a
goddamn Mac truck!

MADAM
But you can escape this “Mac truck”.

GUY
But why? You tell me all about what I can do but you don’t tell me
why. Why would I want to escape? And really- How? If everything is
written in those cards of yours how can I escape my personal Mac
truck? Hunh lady? How?

MADAM
You need a vehicle.

GUY
A vehicle? I already have a vehicle. Right outside. Just waiting for it to
cool down.

MADAM
You will be spotted. By the authorities. Put back in a cage. You need
a different kind of vehicle. One no one will see.

GUY
What, an invisible car? Lady, I may be nuts coming in here in the first
place but I’m not crazy. There’s no such thing as a-

MADAM
Not a car. A vehicle. Have you ever heard of Cognitive Aphasia?

GUY
Cogni what?

MADAM
Cognitive Aphasia is a phenomenon whereby that which is beyond
human comprehension becomes invisible. What the mind cannot
believe the eye cannot see.
I can purvey you such a vehicle. But it will cost.

GUY
I knew you had some angle, you old witch! Okay, I’ll play. How much?
How much for this invisible vehicle that will help me escape from this
life path?

MADAM
The cost is this: You must abandon your fear. Your cynicism. Your
preconceptions. You must believe you have the ability to do this. I
saw it in your hands. You have a gift. You were born with it. But it has
been beaten out of you. The time has come to access it again. The
cards say you have no choice. You are the hanged man.

GUY
Okay lady. What if I buy all this- which I don’t- but let’s say I’m willing
to give up all my fears and shit and I take your cogni-whatever
“vehicle”? How do I get it? Is it parked in your mystic parking lot with
all the other unicorns and all I have to do is say the magic word and
it’ll just magically appear here in this room?

MADAM
Exactly.
 GUY
Allright lady. So what’s the magic word?

MADAM
You already know. You said it earlier.

GUY
What? Abracadabra?

MADAM
You must say it three times.

GUY
Oh I see. I say Abracadabra three times and poof! The invisible
vehicle appears.

MADAM
That’s two…

GUY
Fine, lady. This air conditioning must be getting to me. Here goes:
Abracadabra!

(There is a Poof! sound effect. PEGASUS appears.

Note: he could be a young man with strap on wings making “horsey”
movements. Nothing too elaborate. GUY leaps back in shock.)

WHAT THE FUCK! What the hell is that thing?!

MADAM
That is not a thing. It is a mythical beast. His name is Pegasus. He
has been carrying people where they need to go since before time.
He carried Bellerophon into battle against the Chimera- he carried
thunderbolts for Zeus. But that was long ago. Now he carries only
those who abandon their fears and believe.

GUY
He’s… beautiful. I can’t believe it.

MADAM
Yes you can. Somewhere, deep inside you, there is still the ability to
believe.
Climb on board. I guarantee you it’s a much smoother ride than any
Mac truck. And because of Cognitive Aphasia no one will see you.
Pegasus can take you anywhere.

GUY
Anywhere?

MADAM
Anywhere at all.

(PEGASUS whinnies and stamps his foot.)

GUY
Well I guess I’m in too far in to back out now.

(He approaches PEGASUS.)

Whoa boy, easy does it.

(GUY climbs on to PEGASUS, who prances around the room.)

MADAM
Tell him where you want to go.

GUY
Okay Pegasus. Let’s do this. Take me home: Colorado. Get me out of
this hot, hot city and back to Colorado. Where I belong.

(PEGASUS rears.
There is a Poof! sound effect and GUY and PEGASUS disappear.
In the distance we hear GUY holler “Yee Haww!”
After a moment, the old woman gathers her cards, then rings a little
bell.)

MADAM
Next? Come in please.

BLACKOUT
(END OF PLAY)