TBE KITE

R0NNER
by KBALEB B0SSEINI



Publisheu 2uuS

Afghan Nellat 0nline Libiaiy
www.afghan-mellat.oig.uk














_Becembei 2uu1_
I became what I am touay at the age of twelve, on a fiigiu oveicast uay in the
wintei of 197S. I iemembei the piecise moment, ciouching behinu a ciumbling
muu wall, peeking into the alley neai the fiozen cieek. That was a long time ago,
but it's wiong what they say about the past, I've leaineu, about how you can buiy
it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I iealize I have been
peeking into that ueseiteu alley foi the last twenty-six yeais.

0ne uay last summei, my fiienu Rahim Khan calleu fiom Pakistan. Be
askeu me to come see him. Stanuing in the kitchen with the ieceivei to my eai, I
knew it wasn't just Rahim Khan on the line. It was my past of unatoneu** sins.
Aftei I hung up, I went foi a walk along Spieckels Lake on the noithein euge of
uoluen uate Paik. The eaily-afteinoon sun spaikleu on the watei wheie uozens
of miniatuie boats saileu, piopelleu by a ciisp bieeze. Then I glanceu up anu saw
a paii of kites, ieu with long blue tails, soaiing in the sky. They uanceu high
above the tiees on the west enu of the paik, ovei the winumills, floating siue by
siue like a paii of eyes looking uown on San Fiancisco, the city I now call home.
Anu suuuenly Bassan's voice whispeieu in my heau: _Foi you, a thousanu times
ovei._ Bassan the haielippeu kite iunnei.

I sat on a paik bench neai a willow tiee. I thought about something Rahim
Khan saiu just befoie he hung up, almost as an aftei thought. _Theie is a way to
be goou again._ I lookeu up at those twin kites. I thought about Bassan. Thought
about Baba. Ali. Kabul. I thought of the life I hau liveu until the wintei of 197S
came anu changeu eveiything. Anu maue me what I am touay.





TW0



When we weie chiluien, Bassan anu I useu to climb the poplai tiees in the
uiiveway of my fathei's house anu annoy oui neighbois by ieflecting sunlight
into theii homes with a shaiu of miiioi. We woulu sit acioss fiom each othei on
a paii of high bianches, oui nakeu feet uangling, oui tiousei pockets filleu with
uiieu mulbeiiies anu walnuts. We took tuins with the miiioi as we ate
mulbeiiies, pelteu each othei with them, giggling, laughing; I can still see Bassan
up on that tiee, sunlight flickeiing thiough the leaves on his almost peifectly
iounu face, a face like a Chinese uoll chiseleu fiom haiuwoou: his flat, bioau nose
anu slanting, naiiow eyes like bamboo leaves, eyes that lookeu, uepenuing on
the light, golu, gieen, even sapphiie I can still see his tiny low-set eais anu that
pointeu stub of a chin, a meaty appenuage that lookeu like it was auueu as a
meie afteithought. Anu the cleft lip, just left of miuline, wheie the Chinese uoll
makei's instiument may have slippeu; oi peihaps he hau simply giown tiieu anu
caieless.

Sometimes, up in those tiees, I talkeu Bassan into fiiing walnuts with his
slingshot at the neighboi's one-eyeu ueiman shepheiu. Bassan nevei wanteu to,
but if I askeu, _ieally_ askeu, he woulun't ueny me. Bassan nevei uenieu me
anything. Anu he was ueauly with his slingshot. Bassan's fathei, Ali, useu to catch
us anu get mau, oi as mau as someone as gentle as Ali coulu evei get. Be woulu
wag his fingei anu wave us uown fiom the tiee. Be woulu take the miiioi anu
tell us what his mothei hau tolu him, that the uevil shone miiiois too, shone
them to uistiact Nuslims uuiing piayei. "Anu he laughs while he uoes it," he
always auueu, scowling at his son.

"Yes, Fathei," Bassan woulu mumble, looking uown at his feet. But he
nevei tolu on me. Nevei tolu that the miiioi, like shooting walnuts at the
neighboi's uog, was always my iuea.

The poplai tiees lineu the ieubiick uiiveway, which leu to a paii of
wiought-iion gates. They in tuin openeu into an extension of the uiiveway into
my fathei's estate. The house sat on the left siue of the biick path, the backyaiu
at the enu of it.

Eveiyone agieeu that my fathei, my Baba, hau built the most beautiful
house in the Wazii Akbai Khan uistiict, a new anu affluent neighboihoou in the
noithein pait of Kabul. Some thought it was the piettiest house in all of Kabul. A
bioau entiyway flankeu by iosebushes leu to the spiawling house of maible
floois anu wiue winuows. Intiicate mosaic tiles, hanupickeu by Baba in Isfahan,
coveieu the floois of the foui bathiooms. uolu-stitcheu tapestiies, which Baba
hau bought in Calcutta, lineu the walls; a ciystal chanueliei hung fiom the
vaulteu ceiling.

0pstaiis was my beuioom, Baba's ioom, anu his stuuy, also known as "the
smoking ioom," which peipetually smelleu of tobacco anu cinnamon. Baba anu
his fiienus ieclineu on black leathei chaiis theie aftei Ali hau seiveu uinnei.
They stuffeu theii pipes--except Baba always calleu it "fattening the pipe"--anu
uiscusseu theii favoiite thiee topics: politics, business, soccei. Sometimes I
askeu Baba if I coulu sit with them, but Baba woulu stanu in the uooiway. "uo on,
now," he'u say. "This is giown-ups' time. Why uon't you go ieau one of those
books of youis." Be'u close the uooi, leave me to wonuei why it was always
giown-ups' time with him. I'u sit by the uooi, knees uiawn to my chest.
Sometimes I sat theie foi an houi, sometimes two, listening to theii laughtei,
theii chattei.

The living ioom uownstaiis hau a cuiveu wall with custom built cabinets.
Insiue sat fiameu family pictuies: an olu, giainy photo of my gianufathei anu
King Nauii Shah taken in 19S1, two yeais befoie the king's assassination; they
aie stanuing ovei a ueau ueei, uiesseu in knee-high boots, iifles slung ovei theii
shoulueis. Theie was a pictuie of my paients' weuuing night, Baba uashing in his
black suit anu my mothei a smiling young piincess in white. Beie was Baba anu
his best fiienu anu business paitnei, Rahim Khan, stanuing outsiue oui house,
neithei one smiling--I am a baby in that photogiaph anu Baba is holuing me,
looking tiieu anu giim. I'm in his aims, but it's Rahim Khan's pinky my fingeis
aie cuileu aiounu.

The cuiveu wall leu into the uining ioom, at the centei of which was a
mahogany table that coulu easily sit thiity guests--anu, given my fathei's taste
foi extiavagant paities, it uiu just that almost eveiy week. 0n the othei enu of
the uining ioom was a tall maible fiieplace, always lit by the oiange glow of a fiie
in the winteitime.

A laige sliuing glass uooi openeu into a semiciiculai teiiace that
oveilookeu two acies of backyaiu anu iows of cheiiy tiees. Baba anu Ali hau
planteu a small vegetable gaiuen along the eastein wall: tomatoes, mint,
peppeis, anu a iow of coin that nevei ieally took. Bassan anu I useu to call it "the
Wall of Ailing Coin."

0n the south enu of the gaiuen, in the shauows of a loquat tiee, was the
seivants' home, a mouest little muu hut wheie Bassan liveu with his fathei.

It was theie, in that little shack, that Bassan was boin in the wintei of
1964, just one yeai aftei my mothei uieu giving biith to me.

In the eighteen yeais that I liveu in that house, I steppeu into Bassan anu
Ali's quaiteis only a hanuful of times. When the sun uioppeu low behinu the hills
anu we weie uone playing foi the uay, Bassan anu I paiteu ways. I went past the
iosebushes to Baba's mansion, Bassan to the muu shack wheie he hau been
boin, wheie he'u liveu his entiie life. I iemembei it was spaie, clean, uimly lit by
a paii of keiosene lamps. Theie weie two mattiesses on opposite siues of the
ioom, a woin Beiati iug with fiayeu euges in between, a thiee-leggeu stool, anu
a woouen table in the coinei wheie Bassan uiu his uiawings. The walls stoou
baie, save foi a single tapestiy with sewn-in beaus foiming the woius _Allah-u-
akbai_. Baba hau bought it foi Ali on one of his tiips to Nashau.

It was in that small shack that Bassan's mothei, Sanaubai, gave biith to
him one colu wintei uay in 1964. While my mothei hemoiihageu to ueath uuiing
chilubiith, Bassan lost his less than a week aftei he was boin. Lost hei to a fate
most Afghans consiueieu fai woise than ueath: She ian off with a clan of
tiaveling singeis anu uanceis.

Bassan nevei talkeu about his mothei, as if she'u nevei existeu. I always
wonueieu if he uieameu about hei, about what she lookeu like, wheie she was. I
wonueieu if he longeu to meet hei. Biu he ache foi hei, the way I acheu foi the
mothei I hau nevei met. 0ne uay, we weie walking fiom my fathei's house to
Cinema Zainab foi a new Iianian movie, taking the shoitcut thiough the militaiy
baiiacks neai Istiqlal Niuule School--Baba hau foibiuuen us to take that
shoitcut, but he was in Pakistan with Rahim Khan at the time. We hoppeu the
fence that suiiounueu the baiiacks, skippeu ovei a little cieek, anu bioke into
the open uiit fielu wheie olu, abanuoneu tanks collecteu uust. A gioup of soluieis
huuuleu in the shaue of one of those tanks, smoking cigaiettes anu playing caius.
0ne of them saw us, elboweu the guy next to him, anu calleu Bassan.

"Bey, you!" he saiu. "I know you."

We hau nevei seen him befoie. Be was a squatly man with a shaveu heau
anu black stubble on his face. The way he giinneu at us, leeieu, scaieu me. "}ust
keep walking," I mutteieu to Bassan.

"You! The Bazaia! Look at me when I'm talking to you!" the soluiei
baikeu. Be hanueu his cigaiette to the guy next to him, maue a ciicle with the
thumb anu inuex fingei of one hanu. Pokeu the miuule fingei of his othei hanu
thiough the ciicle. Pokeu it in anu out. In anu out. "I knew youi mothei, uiu you
know that. I knew hei ieal goou. I took hei fiom behinu by that cieek ovei
theie."

The soluieis laugheu. 0ne of them maue a squealing sounu. I tolu Bassan
to keep walking, keep walking.

"What a tight little sugaiy cunt she hau!" the soluiei was saying, shaking
hanus with the otheis, giinning. Latei, in the uaik, aftei the movie hau staiteu, I
heaiu Bassan next to me, cioaking. Teais weie sliuing uown his cheeks. I
ieacheu acioss my seat, slung my aim aiounu him, pulleu him close. Be iesteu
his heau on my shouluei. "Be took you foi someone else," I whispeieu. "Be took
you foi someone else."

I'm tolu no one was ieally suipiiseu when Sanaubai elopeu. People _hau_
iaiseu theii eyebiows when Ali, a man who hau memoiizeu the Koian, maiiieu
Sanaubai, a woman nineteen yeais youngei, a beautiful but notoiiously
unsciupulous woman who liveu up to hei uishonoiable ieputation. Like Ali, she
was a Shi'a Nuslim anu an ethnic Bazaia. She was also his fiist cousin anu
theiefoie a natuial choice foi a spouse. But beyonu those similaiities, Ali anu
Sanaubai hau little in common, least of all theii iespective appeaiances. While
Sanaubai's biilliant gieen eyes anu impish face hau, iumoi has it, tempteu
countless men into sin, Ali hau a congenital paialysis of his lowei facial muscles,
a conuition that ienueieu him unable to smile anu left him peipetually giim-
faceu. It was an ouu thing to see the stone-faceu Ali happy, oi sau, because only
his slanteu biown eyes glinteu with a smile oi welleu with soiiow. People say
that eyes aie winuows to the soul. Nevei was that moie tiue than with Ali, who
coulu only ieveal himself thiough his eyes.

I have heaiu that Sanaubai's suggestive stiiue anu oscillating hips sent
men to ieveiies of infiuelity. But polio hau left Ali with a twisteu, atiophieu iight
leg that was sallow skin ovei bone with little in between except a papei-thin
layei of muscle. I iemembei one uay, when I was eight, Ali was taking me to the
bazaai to buy some _naan_. I was walking behinu him, humming, tiying to
imitate his walk. I watcheu him swing his sciaggy leg in a sweeping aic, watcheu
his whole bouy tilt impossibly to the iight eveiy time he planteu that foot. It
seemeu a minoi miiacle he uiun't tip ovei with each step. When I tiieu it, I
almost fell into the guttei. That got me giggling. Ali tuineu aiounu, caught me
aping him. Be uiun't say anything. Not then, not evei. Be just kept walking.

Ali's face anu his walk fiighteneu some of the youngei chiluien in the
neighboihoou. But the ieal tiouble was with the oluei kius. They chaseu him on
the stieet, anu mockeu him when he hobbleu by. Some hau taken to calling him
_Babalu_, oi Boogeyman.

"Bey, Babalu, who uiu you eat touay." they baikeu to a choius of laughtei.
"Who uiu you eat, you flat-noseu Babalu."

They calleu him "flat-noseu" because of Ali anu Bassan's chaiacteiistic
Bazaia Nongoloiu featuies. Foi yeais, that was all I knew about the Bazaias, that
they weie Nogul uescenuants, anu that they lookeu a little like Chinese people.
School text books baiely mentioneu them anu iefeiieu to theii ancestiy only in
passing. Then one uay, I was in Baba's stuuy, looking thiough his stuff, when I
founu one of my mothei's olu histoiy books. It was wiitten by an Iianian nameu
Khoiami. I blew the uust off it, sneakeu it into beu with me that night, anu was
stunneu to finu an entiie chaptei on Bazaia histoiy. An entiie chaptei ueuicateu
to Bassan's people! In it, I ieau that my people, the Pashtuns, hau peisecuteu anu
oppiesseu the Bazaias. It saiu the Bazaias hau tiieu to iise against the Pashtuns
in the nineteenth centuiy, but the Pashtuns hau "quelleu them with unspeakable
violence." The book saiu that my people hau killeu the Bazaias, uiiven them fiom
theii lanus, buineu theii homes, anu solu theii women. The book saiu pait of the
ieason Pashtuns hau oppiesseu the Bazaias was that Pashtuns weie Sunni
Nuslims, while Bazaias weie Shi'a. The book saiu a lot of things I uiun't know,
things my teacheis haun't mentioneu. Things Baba haun't mentioneu eithei. It
also saiu some things I uiu know, like that people calleu Bazaias _mice-eating,
flat-noseu, loau-caiiying uonkeys_. I hau heaiu some of the kius in the
neighboihoou yell those names to Bassan.

The following week, aftei class, I showeu the book to my teachei anu
pointeu to the chaptei on the Bazaias. Be skimmeu thiough a couple of pages,
snickeieu, hanueu the book back. "That's the one thing Shi'a people uo well," he
saiu, picking up his papeis, "passing themselves as maityis." Be wiinkleu his
nose when he saiu the woiu Shi'a, like it was some kinu of uisease.

But uespite shaiing ethnic heiitage anu family bloou, Sanaubai joineu the
neighboihoou kius in taunting Ali. I have heaiu that she maue no seciet of hei
uisuain foi his appeaiance.

"This is a husbanu." she woulu sneei. "I have seen olu uonkeys bettei
suiteu to be a husbanu."

In the enu, most people suspecteu the maiiiage hau been an aiiangement
of soits between Ali anu his uncle, Sanaubai's fathei. They saiu Ali hau maiiieu
his cousin to help iestoie some honoi to his uncle's blemisheu name, even
though Ali, who hau been oiphaneu at the age of five, hau no woiluly possessions
oi inheiitance to speak of.

Ali nevei ietaliateu against any of his toimentois, I suppose paitly
because he coulu nevei catch them with that twisteu leg uiagging behinu him.
But mostly because Ali was immune to the insults of his assailants; he hau founu
his joy, his antiuote, the moment Sanaubai hau given biith to Bassan. It hau been
a simple enough affaii. No obstetiicians, no anesthesiologists, no fancy
monitoiing uevices. }ust Sanaubai lying on a staineu, nakeu mattiess with Ali
anu a miuwife helping hei. She haun't neeueu much help at all, because, even in
biith, Bassan was tiue to his natuie: Be was incapable of huiting anyone. A few
giunts, a couple of pushes, anu out came Bassan. 0ut he came smiling.

As confiueu to a neighboi's seivant by the gaiiulous miuwife, who hau
then in tuin tolu anyone who woulu listen, Sanaubai hau taken one glance at the
baby in Ali's aims, seen the cleft lip, anu baikeu a bittei laughtei.

"Theie," she hau saiu. "Now you have youi own iuiot chilu to uo all youi
smiling foi you!" She hau iefuseu to even holu Bassan, anu just five uays latei,
she was gone.

Baba hiieu the same nuising woman who hau feu me to nuise Bassan. Ali
tolu us she was a blue-eyeu Bazaia woman fiom Bamiyan, the city of the giant
Buuuha statues. "What a sweet singing voice she hau," he useu to say to us.

What uiu she sing, Bassan anu I always askeu, though we alieauy knew--
Ali hau tolu us countless times. We just wanteu to heai Ali sing.

Be'u cleai his thioat anu begin: _0n a high mountain I stoou, Anu ciieu
the name of Ali, Lion of uou 0 Ali, Lion of uou, King of Nen, Biing joy to oui
soiiowful heaits._ Then he woulu ieminu us that theie was a biotheihoou
between people who hau feu fiom the same bieast, a kinship that not even time
coulu bieak.

Bassan anu I feu fiom the same bieasts. We took oui fiist steps on the
same lawn in the same yaiu. Anu, unuei the same ioof, we spoke oui fiist woius.

Nine was _Baba_.

Bis was _Amii_. Ny name.

Looking back on it now, I think the founuation foi what happeneu in the
wintei of 197S--anu all that followeu--was alieauy laiu in those fiist woius.





TBREE



Loie has it my fathei once wiestleu a black beai in Baluchistan with his baie
hanus. If the stoiy hau been about anyone else, it woulu have been uismisseu as
_laaf_, that Afghan tenuency to exaggeiate--sauly, almost a national affliction; if
someone biaggeu that his son was a uoctoi, chances weie the kiu hau once
passeu a biology test in high school. But no one evei uoubteu the veiacity of any
stoiy about Baba. Anu if they uiu, well, Baba uiu have those thiee paiallel scais
couising a jaggeu path uown his back. I have imagineu Baba's wiestling match
countless times, even uieameu about it. Anu in those uieams, I can nevei tell
Baba fiom the beai.

It was Rahim Khan who fiist iefeiieu to him as what eventually became
Baba's famous nickname, _Toophan agha_, oi "Ni. Buiiicane." It was an apt
enough nickname. Ny fathei was a foice of natuie, a toweiing Pashtun specimen
with a thick beaiu, a waywaiu ciop of cuily biown haii as uniuly as the man
himself, hanus that lookeu capable of upiooting a willow tiee, anu a black glaie
that woulu "uiop the uevil to his knees begging foi meicy," as Rahim Khan useu
to say. At paities, when all six-foot-five of him thunueieu into the ioom, attention
shifteu to him like sunfloweis tuining to the sun.

Baba was impossible to ignoie, even in his sleep. I useu to buiy cotton
wisps in my eais, pull the blanket ovei my heau, anu still the sounus of Baba's
snoiing--so much like a giowling tiuck engine--penetiateu the walls. Anu my
ioom was acioss the hall fiom Baba's beuioom. Bow my mothei evei manageu
to sleep in the same ioom as him is a mysteiy to me. It's on the long list of things
I woulu have askeu my mothei if I hau evei met hei.

In the late 196us, when I was five oi six, Baba ueciueu to builu an
oiphanage. I heaiu the stoiy thiough Rahim Khan. Be tolu me Baba hau uiawn
the bluepiints himself uespite the fact that he'u hau no aichitectuial expeiience
at all. Skeptics hau uigeu him to stop his foolishness anu hiie an aichitect. 0f
couise, Baba iefuseu, anu eveiyone shook theii heaus in uismay at his obstinate
ways. Then Baba succeeueu anu eveiyone shook theii heaus in awe at his
tiiumphant ways. Baba paiu foi the constiuction of the two-stoiy oiphanage, just
off the main stiip of }aueh Naywanu south of the Kabul Rivei, with his own
money. Rahim Khan tolu me Baba hau peisonally funueu the entiie pioject,
paying foi the engineeis, electiicians, plumbeis, anu laboieis, not to mention the
city officials whose "mustaches neeueu oiling."

It took thiee yeais to builu the oiphanage. I was eight by then. I
iemembei the uay befoie the oiphanage openeu, Baba took me to uhaigha Lake,
a few miles noith of Kabul. Be askeu me to fetch Bassan too, but I lieu anu tolu
him Bassan hau the iuns. I wanteu Baba all to myself. Anu besiues, one time at
uhaigha Lake, Bassan anu I weie skimming stones anu Bassan maue his stone
skip eight times. The most I manageu was five. Baba was theie, watching, anu he
patteu Bassan on the back. Even put his aim aiounu his shouluei.

We sat at a picnic table on the banks of the lake, just Baba anu me, eating
boileu eggs with _kofta_ sanuwiches--meatballs anu pickles wiappeu in _naan_.

The watei was a ueep blue anu sunlight glitteieu on its looking glass-cleai
suiface. 0n Fiiuays, the lake was bustling with families out foi a uay in the sun.
But it was miuweek anu theie was only Baba anu me, us anu a couple of
longhaiieu, beaiueu touiists--"hippies," I'u heaiu them calleu. They weie sitting
on the uock, feet uangling in the watei, fishing poles in hanu. I askeu Baba why
they giew theii haii long, but Baba giunteu, uiun't answei. Be was piepaiing his
speech foi the next uay, flipping thiough a havoc of hanuwiitten pages, making
notes heie anu theie with a pencil. I bit into my egg anu askeu Baba if it was tiue
what a boy in school hau tolu me, that if you ate a piece of eggshell, you'u have to
pee it out. Baba giunteu again.

I took a bite of my sanuwich. 0ne of the yellow-haiieu touiists laugheu
anu slappeu the othei one on the back. In the uistance, acioss the lake, a tiuck
lumbeieu aiounu a coinei on the hill. Sunlight twinkleu in its siue-view miiioi.

"I think I have _saiatan_," I saiu. Cancei. Baba lifteu his heau fiom the
pages flapping in the bieeze. Tolu me I coulu get the soua myself, all I hau to uo
was look in the tiunk of the cai.

0utsiue the oiphanage, the next uay, they ian out of chaiis. A lot of people
hau to stanu to watch the opening ceiemony. It was a winuy uay, anu I sat behinu
Baba on the little pouium just outsiue the main entiance of the new builuing.
Baba was weaiing a gieen suit anu a caiacul hat. Niuway thiough the speech, the
winu knockeu his hat off anu eveiyone laugheu. Be motioneu to me to holu his
hat foi him anu I was glau to, because then eveiyone woulu see that he was my
fathei, my Baba. Be tuineu back to the miciophone anu saiu he hopeu the
builuing was stuiuiei than his hat, anu eveiyone laugheu again. When Baba
enueu his speech, people stoou up anu cheeieu. They clappeu foi a long time.
Afteiwaiu, people shook his hanu. Some of them tousleu my haii anu shook my
hanu too. I was so piouu of Baba, of us.

But uespite Baba's successes, people weie always uoubting him. They tolu
Baba that iunning a business wasn't in his bloou anu he shoulu stuuy law like his
fathei. So Baba pioveu them all wiong by not only iunning his own business but
becoming one of the iichest meichants in Kabul. Baba anu Rahim Khan built a
wiluly successful caipet-expoiting business, two phaimacies, anu a iestauiant.

When people scoffeu that Baba woulu nevei maiiy well--aftei all, he was
not of ioyal bloou--he weuueu my mothei, Sofia Akiami, a highly euucateu
woman univeisally iegaiueu as one of Kabul's most iespecteu, beautiful, anu
viituous lauies. Anu not only uiu she teach classic Faisi liteiatuie at the
univeisity she was a uescenuant of the ioyal family, a fact that my fathei
playfully iubbeu in the skeptics' faces by iefeiiing to hei as "my piincess."

With me as the glaiing exception, my fathei molueu the woilu aiounu him
to his liking. The pioblem, of couise, was that Baba saw the woilu in black anu
white. Anu he got to ueciue what was black anu what was white. You can't love a
peison who lives that way without feaiing him too. Naybe even hating him a
little.

When I was in fifth giaue, we hau a mullah who taught us about Islam. Bis
name was Nullah Fatiullah Khan, a shoit, stubby man with a face full of acne
scais anu a giuff voice. Be lectuieu us about the viitues of _zakat_ anu the uuty of
_hauj_; he taught us the intiicacies of peifoiming the five uaily _namaz_ piayeis,
anu maue us memoiize veises fiom the Koian--anu though he nevei tianslateu
the woius foi us, he uiu stiess, sometimes with the help of a stiippeu willow
bianch, that we hau to pionounce the Aiabic woius coiiectly so uou woulu heai
us bettei. Be tolu us one uay that Islam consiueieu uiinking a teiiible sin; those
who uiank woulu answei foi theii sin on the uay of _Qiyamat_, }uugment Bay. In
those uays, uiinking was faiily common in Kabul. No one gave you a public
lashing foi it, but those Afghans who uiu uiink uiu so in piivate, out of iespect.
People bought theii scotch as "meuicine" in biown papei bags fiom selecteu
"phaimacies." They woulu leave with the bag tuckeu out of sight, sometimes
uiawing fuitive, uisappioving glances fiom those who knew about the stoie's
ieputation foi such tiansactions.

We weie upstaiis in Baba's stuuy, the smoking ioom, when I tolu him
what Nullah Fatiullah Khan hau taught us in class. Baba was pouiing himself a
whiskey fiom the bai he hau built in the coinei of the ioom. Be listeneu, nouueu,
took a sip fiom his uiink. Then he loweieu himself into the leathei sofa, put
uown his uiink, anu pioppeu me up on his lap. I felt as if I weie sitting on a paii
of tiee tiunks. Be took a ueep bieath anu exhaleu thiough his nose, the aii
hissing thiough his mustache foi what seemeu an eteinity I coulun't ueciue
whethei I wanteu to hug him oi leap fiom his lap in moital feai.

"I see you've confuseu what you'ie leaining in school with actual
euucation," he saiu in his thick voice.

"But if what he saiu is tiue then uoes it make you a sinnei, Baba."

"Bmm." Baba ciusheu an ice cube between his teeth. "Bo you want to
know what youi fathei thinks about sin."

"Yes."

"Then I'll tell you," Baba saiu, "but fiist unueistanu this anu unueistanu it
now, Amii: You'll nevei leain anything of value fiom those beaiueu iuiots."

"You mean Nullah Fatiullah Khan."

Baba gestuieu with his glass. The ice clinkeu. "I mean all of them. Piss on
the beaius of all those self-iighteous monkeys."

I began to giggle. The image of Baba pissing on the beaiu of any monkey,
self-iighteous oi otheiwise, was too much.

"They uo nothing but thumb theii piayei beaus anu iecite a book wiitten
in a tongue they uon't even unueistanu." Be took a sip. "uou help us all if
Afghanistan evei falls into theii hanus."

"But Nullah Fatiullah Khan seems nice," I manageu between buists of
titteiing.

"So uiu uenghis Khan," Baba saiu. "But enough about that. You askeu
about sin anu I want to tell you. Aie you listening."

"Yes," I saiu, piessing my lips togethei. But a choitle escapeu thiough my
nose anu maue a snoiting sounu. That got me giggling again.

Baba's stony eyes boie into mine anu, just like that, I wasn't laughing
anymoie.

"I mean to speak to you man to man. Bo you think you can hanule that foi
once."

"Yes, Baba jan," I mutteieu, maiveling, not foi the fiist time, at how bauly
Baba coulu sting me with so few woius. We'u hau a fleeting goou moment--it
wasn't often Baba talkeu to me, let alone on his lap--anu I'u been a fool to waste
it.

"uoou," Baba saiu, but his eyes wonueieu. "Now, no mattei what the
mullah teaches, theie is only one sin, only one. Anu that is theft. Eveiy othei sin
is a vaiiation of theft. Bo you unueistanu that."

"No, Baba jan," I saiu, uespeiately wishing I uiu. I uiun't want to
uisappoint him again.

Baba heaveu a sigh of impatience. That stung too, because he was not an
impatient man. I iemembeieu all the times he uiun't come home until aftei uaik,
all the times I ate uinnei alone. I'u ask Ali wheie Baba was, when he was coming
home, though I knew full well he was at the constiuction site, oveilooking this,
supeivising that. Biun't that take patience. I alieauy hateu all the kius he was
builuing the oiphanage foi; sometimes I wisheu they'u all uieu along with theii
paients.

"When you kill a man, you steal a life," Baba saiu. "You steal his wife's
iight to a husbanu, iob his chiluien of a fathei. When you tell a lie, you steal
someone's iight to the tiuth. When you cheat, you steal the iight to faiiness. Bo
you see."

I uiu. When Baba was six, a thief walkeu into my gianufathei's house in
the miuule of the night. Ny gianufathei, a iespecteu juuge, confionteu him, but
the thief stabbeu him in the thioat, killing him instantly--anu iobbing Baba of a
fathei. The townspeople caught the killei just befoie noon the next uay; he
tuineu out to be a wanueiei fiom the Kunuuz iegion. They hangeu him fiom the
bianch of an oak tiee with still two houis to go befoie afteinoon piayei. It was
Rahim Khan, not Baba, who hau tolu me that stoiy. I was always leaining things
about Baba fiom othei people.

"Theie is no act moie wietcheu than stealing, Amii," Baba saiu. "A man
who takes what's not his to take, be it a life oi a loaf of _naan_... I spit on such a
man. Anu if I evei cioss paths with him, uou help him. Bo you unueistanu."

I founu the iuea of Baba clobbeiing a thief both exhilaiating anu teiiibly
fiightening. "Yes, Baba."

"If theie's a uou out theie, then I woulu hope he has moie impoitant
things to attenu to than my uiinking scotch oi eating poik. Now, hop uown. All
this talk about sin has maue me thiisty again."

I watcheu him fill his glass at the bai anu wonueieu how much time
woulu pass befoie we talkeu again the way we just hau. Because the tiuth of it
was, I always felt like Baba hateu me a little. Anu why not. Aftei all, I _hau_ killeu
his beloveu wife, his beautiful piincess, haun't I. The least I coulu have uone was
to have hau the uecency to have tuineu out a little moie like him. But I haun't
tuineu out like him. Not at all.



IN SCB00L, we useu to play a game calleu _Sheijangi_, oi "Battle of the Poems."
The Faisi teachei moueiateu it anu it went something like this: You ieciteu a
veise fiom a poem anu youi opponent hau sixty seconus to ieply with a veise
that began with the same lettei that enueu youis. Eveiyone in my class wanteu
me on theii team, because by the time I was eleven, I coulu iecite uozens of
veises fiom Khayyam, Bafez, oi Rumi's famous _Nasnawi_. 0ne time, I took on
the whole class anu won. I tolu Baba about it latei that night, but he just nouueu,
mutteieu, "uoou."

That was how I escapeu my fathei's aloofness, in my ueau mothei's
books. That anu Bassan, of couise. I ieau eveiything, Rumi, Bafez, Saaui, victoi
Bugo, }ules veine, Naik Twain, Ian Fleming. When I hau finisheu my mothei's
books--not the boiing histoiy ones, I was nevei much into those, but the novels,
the epics--I staiteu spenuing my allowance on books. I bought one a week fiom
the bookstoie neai Cinema Paik, anu stoieu them in caiuboaiu boxes when I ian
out of shelf ioom.

0f couise, maiiying a poet was one thing, but fatheiing a son who
piefeiieu buiying his face in poetiy books to hunting... well, that wasn't how
Baba hau envisioneu it, I suppose. Real men uiun't ieau poetiy--anu uou foibiu
they shoulu evei wiite it! Real men--ieal boys--playeu soccei just as Baba hau
when he hau been young. Now _that_ was something to be passionate about. In
197u, Baba took a bieak fiom the constiuction of the oiphanage anu flew to
Tehian foi a month to watch the Woilu Cup games on television, since at the
time Afghanistan uiun't have Tvs yet. Be signeu me up foi soccei teams to stii
the same passion in me. But I was pathetic, a blunueiing liability to my own
team, always in the way of an oppoitune pass oi unwittingly blocking an open
lane. I shambleu about the fielu on sciaggy legs, squalleu foi passes that nevei
came my way. Anu the haiuei I tiieu, waving my aims ovei my heau fiantically
anu scieeching, "I'm open! I'm open!" the moie I went ignoieu. But Baba
woulun't give up. When it became abunuantly cleai that I haun't inheiiteu a
shieu of his athletic talents, he settleu foi tiying to tuin me into a passionate
spectatoi. Ceitainly I coulu manage that, coulun't I. I fakeu inteiest foi as long as
possible. I cheeieu with him when Kabul's team scoieu against Kanuahai anu
yelpeu insults at the iefeiee when he calleu a penalty against oui team. But Baba
senseu my lack of genuine inteiest anu iesigneu himself to the bleak fact that his
son was nevei going to eithei play oi watch soccei.

I iemembei one time Baba took me to the yeaily _Buzkashi_ touinament
that took place on the fiist uay of spiing, New Yeai's Bay. Buzkashi was, anu still
is, Afghanistan's national passion. A _chapanuaz_, a highly skilleu hoiseman
usually pationizeu by iich aficionauos, has to snatch a goat oi cattle caicass fiom
the miust of a melee, caiiy that caicass with him aiounu the stauium at full
gallop, anu uiop it in a scoiing ciicle while a team of othei _chapanuaz_ chases
him anu uoes eveiything in its powei--kick, claw, whip, punch--to snatch the
caicass fiom him. That uay, the ciowu ioaieu with excitement as the hoisemen
on the fielu belloweu theii battle ciies anu jostleu foi the caicass in a clouu of
uust. The eaith tiembleu with the clattei of hooves. We watcheu fiom the uppei
bleacheis as iiueis pounueu past us at full gallop, yipping anu yelling, foam flying
fiom theii hoises' mouths.

At one point Baba pointeu to someone. "Amii, uo you see that man sitting
up theie with those othei men aiounu him."

I uiu.

"That's Beniy Kissingei."

"0h," I saiu. I uiun't know who Beniy Kissingei was, anu I might have
askeu. But at the moment, I watcheu with hoiioi as one of the _chapanuaz_ fell
off his sauule anu was tiampleu unuei a scoie of hooves. Bis bouy was tosseu
anu huileu in the stampeue like a iag uoll, finally iolling to a stop when the
melee moveu on. Be twitcheu once anu lay motionless, his legs bent at unnatuial
angles, a pool of his bloou soaking thiough the sanu.

I began to ciy.

I ciieu all the way back home. I iemembei how Baba's hanus clencheu
aiounu the steeiing wheel. Clencheu anu unclencheu. Nostly, I will nevei foiget
Baba's valiant effoits to conceal the uisgusteu look on his face as he uiove in
silence.

Latei that night, I was passing by my fathei's stuuy when I oveiheaiu him
speaking to Rahim Khan. I piesseu my eai to the closeu uooi.

"--giateful that he's healthy," Rahim Khan was saying.

"I know, I know. But he's always buiieu in those books oi shuffling
aiounu the house like he's lost in some uieam."

"Anu."

"I wasn't like that." Baba sounueu fiustiateu, almost angiy.

Rahim Khan laugheu. "Chiluien aien't coloiing books. You uon't get to fill
them with youi favoiite colois."

"I'm telling you," Baba saiu, "I wasn't like that at all, anu neithei weie any
of the kius I giew up with."

"You know, sometimes you aie the most self-centeieu man I know,"
Rahim Khan saiu. Be was the only peison I knew who coulu get away with saying
something like that to Baba.

"It has nothing to uo with that."

"Nay."

"Nay."

"Then what."

I heaiu the leathei of Baba's seat cieaking as he shifteu on it. I closeu my
eyes, piesseu my eai even haiuei against the uooi, wanting to heai, not wanting
to heai. "Sometimes I look out this winuow anu I see him playing on the stieet
with the neighboihoou boys. I see how they push him aiounu, take his toys fiom
him, give him a shove heie, a whack theie. Anu, you know, he nevei fights back.
Nevei. Be just... uiops his heau anu..."

"So he's not violent," Rahim Khan saiu.

"That's not what I mean, Rahim, anu you know it," Baba shot back. "Theie
is something missing in that boy."

"Yes, a mean stieak."

"Self-uefense has nothing to uo with meanness. You know what always
happens when the neighboihoou boys tease him. Bassan steps in anu fenus
them off. I've seen it with my own eyes. Anu when they come home, I say to him,
'Bow uiu Bassan get that sciape on his face.' Anu he says, 'Be fell uown.' I'm
telling you, Rahim, theie is something missing in that boy."

"You just neeu to let him finu his way," Rahim Khan saiu.

"Anu wheie is he heaueu." Baba saiu. "A boy who won't stanu up foi
himself becomes a man who can't stanu up to anything."

"As usual you'ie oveisimplifying."

"I uon't think so."

"You'ie angiy because you'ie afiaiu he'll nevei take ovei the business foi
you."

"Now who's oveisimplifying." Baba saiu. "Look, I know theie's a fonuness
between you anu him anu I'm happy about that. Envious, but happy. I mean that.
Be neeus someone who...unueistanus him, because uou knows I uon't. But
something about Amii tioubles me in a way that I can't expiess. It's like..." I coulu
see him seaiching, ieaching foi the iight woius. Be loweieu his voice, but I heaiu
him anyway. "If I haun't seen the uoctoi pull him out of my wife with my own
eyes, I'u nevei believe he's my son."



TBE NEXT N0RNINu, as he was piepaiing my bieakfast, Bassan askeu if
something was botheiing me. I snappeu at him, tolu him to minu his own
business.

Rahim Khan hau been wiong about the mean stieak thing.





F00R



In 19SS, the yeai Baba was boin anu the yeai Zahii Shah began his foity-yeai
ieign of Afghanistan, two biotheis, young men fiom a wealthy anu ieputable
family in Kabul, got behinu the wheel of theii fathei's Foiu ioaustei. Bigh on
hashish anu _mast_ on Fiench wine, they stiuck anu killeu a Bazaia husbanu anu
wife on the ioau to Paghman. The police biought the somewhat contiite young
men anu the ueau couple's five-yeai-olu oiphan boy befoie my gianufathei, who
was a highly iegaiueu juuge anu a man of impeccable ieputation. Aftei heaiing
the biotheis' account anu theii fathei's plea foi meicy, my gianufathei oiueieu
the two young men to go to Kanuahai at once anu enlist in the aimy foi one yeai-
-this uespite the fact that theii family hau somehow manageu to obtain them
exemptions fiom the uiaft. Theii fathei aigueu, but not too vehemently, anu in
the enu, eveiyone agieeu that the punishment hau been peihaps haish but faii.
As foi the oiphan, my gianufathei auopteu him into his own householu, anu tolu
the othei seivants to tutoi him, but to be kinu to him. That boy was Ali.

Ali anu Baba giew up togethei as chiluhoou playmates--at least until polio
ciippleu Ali's leg--just like Bassan anu I giew up a geneiation latei. Baba was
always telling us about the mischief he anu Ali useu to cause, anu Ali woulu
shake his heau anu say, "But, Agha sahib, tell them who was the aichitect of the
mischief anu who the pooi laboiei." Baba woulu laugh anu thiow his aim
aiounu Ali.

But in none of his stoiies uiu Baba evei iefei to Ali as his fiienu.

The cuiious thing was, I nevei thought of Bassan anu me as fiienus eithei.
Not in the usual sense, anyhow. Nevei minu that we taught each othei to iiue a
bicycle with no hanus, oi to builu a fully functional homemaue cameia out of a
caiuboaiu box. Nevei minu that we spent entiie winteis flying kites, iunning
kites. Nevei minu that to me, the face of Afghanistan is that of a boy with a thin-
boneu fiame, a shaveu heau, anu low-set eais, a boy with a Chinese uoll face
peipetually lit by a haielippeu smile.

Nevei minu any of those things. Because histoiy isn't easy to oveicome.
Neithei is ieligion. In the enu, I was a Pashtun anu he was a Bazaia, I was Sunni
anu he was Shi'a, anu nothing was evei going to change that. Nothing.

But we weie kius who hau leaineu to ciawl togethei, anu no histoiy,
ethnicity, society, oi ieligion was going to change that eithei. I spent most of the
fiist twelve yeais of my life playing with Bassan. Sometimes, my entiie chiluhoou
seems like one long lazy summei uay with Bassan, chasing each othei between
tangles of tiees in my fathei's yaiu, playing hiue-anu-seek, cops anu iobbeis,
cowboys anu Inuians, insect toituie--with oui ciowning achievement unueniably
the time we pluckeu the stingei off a bee anu tieu a stiing aiounu the pooi thing
to yank it back eveiy time it took flight.

We chaseu the _Kochi_, the nomaus who passeu thiough Kabul on theii
way to the mountains of the noith. We woulu heai theii caiavans appioaching
oui neighboihoou, the mewling of theii sheep, the baaing of theii goats, the
jingle of bells aiounu theii camels' necks. We'u iun outsiue to watch the caiavan
plou thiough oui stieet, men with uusty, weathei-beaten faces anu women
uiesseu in long, coloiful shawls, beaus, anu silvei biacelets aiounu theii wiists
anu ankles. We huileu pebbles at theii goats. We squiiteu watei on theii mules.
I'u make Bassan sit on the Wall of Ailing Coin anu fiie pebbles with his slingshot
at the camels' ieais.

We saw oui fiist Westein togethei, _Rio Biavo_ with }ohn Wayne, at the
Cinema Paik, acioss the stieet fiom my favoiite bookstoie. I iemembei begging
Baba to take us to Iian so we coulu meet }ohn Wayne. Baba buist out in gales of
his ueep-thioateu laughtei--a sounu not unlike a tiuck engine ievving up--anu,
when he coulu talk again, explaineu to us the concept of voice uubbing. Bassan
anu I weie stunneu. Bazeu. }ohn Wayne uiun't ieally speak Faisi anu he wasn't
Iianian! Be was Ameiican, just like the fiienuly, longhaiieu men anu women we
always saw hanging aiounu in Kabul, uiesseu in theii tatteieu, biightly coloieu
shiits. We saw _Rio Biavo_ thiee times, but we saw oui favoiite Westein, _The
Nagnificent Seven_, thiiteen times. With each viewing, we ciieu at the enu when
the Nexican kius buiieu Chailes Bionson--who, as it tuineu out, wasn't Iianian
eithei.

We took stiolls in the musty-smelling bazaais of the Shai-e-Nau section of
Kabul, oi the new city, west of the Wazii Akbai Khan uistiict. We talkeu about
whatevei film we hau just seen anu walkeu amiu the bustling ciowus of
_bazaiiis_. We snakeu oui way among the meichants anu the beggais, wanueieu
thiough naiiow alleys ciampeu with iows of tiny, tightly packeu stalls. Baba
gave us each a weekly allowance of ten Afghanis anu we spent it on waim Coca-
Cola anu iosewatei ice cieam toppeu with ciusheu pistachios.

Buiing the school yeai, we hau a uaily ioutine. By the time I uiaggeu
myself out of beu anu lumbeieu to the bathioom, Bassan hau alieauy washeu up,
piayeu the moining _namaz_ with Ali, anu piepaieu my bieakfast: hot black tea
with thiee sugai cubes anu a slice of toasteu _naan_ toppeu with my favoiite soui
cheiiy maimalaue, all neatly placeu on the uining table. While I ate anu
complaineu about homewoik, Bassan maue my beu, polisheu my shoes, iioneu
my outfit foi the uay, packeu my books anu pencils. I'u heai him singing to
himself in the foyei as he iioneu, singing olu Bazaia songs in his nasal voice.
Then, Baba anu I uiove off in his black Foiu Nustang--a cai that uiew envious
looks eveiywheie because it was the same cai Steve NcQueen hau uiiven in
_Bullitt_, a film that playeu in one theatei foi six months. Bassan stayeu home
anu helpeu Ali with the uay's choies: hanu-washing uiity clothes anu hanging
them to uiy in the yaiu, sweeping the floois, buying fiesh _naan_ fiom the
bazaai, maiinating meat foi uinnei, wateiing the lawn.

Aftei school, Bassan anu I met up, giabbeu a book, anu tiotteu up a bowl-
shapeu hill just noith of my fathei's piopeity in Wazii Akbai Khan. Theie was an
olu abanuoneu cemeteiy atop the hill with iows of unmaikeu heaustones anu
tangles of biushwoou clogging the aisles. Seasons of iain anu snow hau tuineu
the iion gate iusty anu left the cemeteiy's low white stone walls in uecay. Theie
was a pomegianate tiee neai the entiance to the cemeteiy. 0ne summei uay, I
useu one of Ali's kitchen knives to caive oui names on it: "Amii anu Bassan, the
sultans of Kabul." Those woius maue it foimal: the tiee was ouis. Aftei school,
Bassan anu I climbeu its bianches anu snatcheu its bloou-ieu pomegianates.
Aftei we'u eaten the fiuit anu wipeu oui hanus on the giass, I woulu ieau to
Bassan.

Sitting cioss-leggeu, sunlight anu shauows of pomegianate leaves uancing
on his face, Bassan absently pluckeu blaues of giass fiom the giounu as I ieau
him stoiies he coulun't ieau foi himself. That Bassan woulu giow up illiteiate
like Ali anu most Bazaias hau been ueciueu the minute he hau been boin,
peihaps even the moment he hau been conceiveu in Sanaubai's un-welcoming
womb--aftei all, what use uiu a seivant have foi the wiitten woiu. But uespite
his illiteiacy, oi maybe because of it, Bassan was uiawn to the mysteiy of woius,
seuuceu by a seciet woilu foibiuuen to him. I ieau him poems anu stoiies,
sometimes iiuules--though I stoppeu ieauing those when I saw he was fai bettei
at solving them than I was. So I ieau him unchallenging things, like the
misauventuies of the bumbling Nullah Nasiuuuin anu his uonkey. We sat foi
houis unuei that tiee, sat theie until the sun faueu in the west, anu still Bassan
insisteu we hau enough uaylight foi one moie stoiy, one moie chaptei.

Ny favoiite pait of ieauing to Bassan was when we came acioss a big
woiu that he uiun't know. I'u tease him, expose his ignoiance. 0ne time, I was
ieauing him a Nullah Nasiuuuin stoiy anu he stoppeu me. "What uoes that woiu
mean."

"Which one."

"Imbecile."

"You uon't know what it means." I saiu, giinning.

"Nay, Amii agha."

"But it's such a common woiu!"

"Still, I uon't know it." If he felt the sting of my tease, his smiling face
uiun't show it.

"Well, eveiyone in my school knows what it means," I saiu. "Let's see.

'Imbecile.' It means smait, intelligent. I'll use it in a sentence foi you.

'When it comes to woius, Bassan is an imbecile.'"

"Aaah," he saiu, nouuing.

I woulu always feel guilty about it latei. So I'u tiy to make up foi it by
giving him one of my olu shiits oi a bioken toy. I woulu tell myself that was
amenus enough foi a haimless piank.

Bassan's favoiite book by fai was the _Shahnamah_, the tenth-centuiy
epic of ancient Peisian heioes. Be likeu all of the chapteis, the shahs of olu,
Feiiuoun, Zal, anu Ruuabeh. But his favoiite stoiy, anu mine, was "Rostam anu
Sohiab," the tale of the gieat waiiioi Rostam anu his fleet-footeu hoise, Rakhsh.
Rostam moitally wounus his valiant nemesis, Sohiab, in battle, only to uiscovei
that Sohiab is his long-lost son. Stiicken with giief, Rostam heais his son's uying
woius: If thou ait inueeu my fathei, then hast thou staineu thy swoiu in the life-
bloou of thy son. Anu thou uiu'st it of thine obstinacy. Foi I sought to tuin thee
unto love, anu I imploieu of thee thy name, foi I thought to beholu in thee the
tokens iecounteu of my mothei. But I appealeu unto thy heait in vain, anu now is
the time gone foi meeting...

"Reau it again please, Amii agha," Bassan woulu say. Sometimes teais
pooleu in Bassan's eyes as I ieau him this passage, anu I always wonueieu whom
he wept foi, the giief-stiicken Rostam who teais his clothes anu coveis his heau
with ashes, oi the uying Sohiab who only longeu foi his fathei's love. Peisonally,
I coulun't see the tiageuy in Rostam's fate. Aftei all, uiun't all fatheis in theii
seciet heaits haiboi a uesiie to kill theii sons. 0ne uay, in }uly 197S, I playeu
anothei little tiick on Bassan. I was ieauing to him, anu suuuenly I stiayeu fiom
the wiitten stoiy. I pietenueu I was ieauing fiom the book, flipping pages
iegulaily, but I hau abanuoneu the text altogethei, taken ovei the stoiy, anu
maue up my own. Bassan, of couise, was oblivious to this. To him, the woius on
the page weie a sciamble of coues, inuecipheiable, mysteiious. Woius weie
seciet uooiways anu I helu all the keys. Aftei, I staiteu to ask him if he'u likeu the
stoiy, a giggle iising in my thioat, when Bassan began to clap.

"What aie you uoing." I saiu.

"That was the best stoiy you've ieau me in a long time," he saiu, still
clapping.

I laugheu. "Really."

"Really."

"That's fascinating," I mutteieu. I meant it too. This was... wholly
unexpecteu.

"Aie you suie, Bassan."

Be was still clapping. "It was gieat, Amii agha. Will you ieau me moie of it
tomoiiow."

"Fascinating," I iepeateu, a little bieathless, feeling like a man who
uiscoveis a buiieu tieasuie in his own backyaiu. Walking uown the hill, thoughts
weie explouing in my heau like the fiiewoiks at Chaman. _Best stoiy you've ieau
me in a long time_, he'u saiu. I hau ieau him a lot of stoiies. Bassan was asking
me something.

"What." I saiu.

"What uoes that mean, 'fascinating'."

I laugheu. Clutcheu him in a hug anu planteu a kiss on his cheek.

"What was that foi." he saiu, staitleu, blushing.

I gave him a fiienuly shove. Smileu. "You'ie a piince, Bassan. You'ie a
piince anu I love you."

That same night, I wiote my fiist shoit stoiy. It took me thiity minutes. It
was a uaik little tale about a man who founu a magic cup anu leaineu that if he
wept into the cup, his teais tuineu into peails. But even though he hau always
been pooi, he was a happy man anu iaiely sheu a teai. So he founu ways to make
himself sau so that his teais coulu make him iich. As the peails pileu up, so uiu
his gieeu giow. The stoiy enueu with the man sitting on a mountain of peails,
knife in hanu, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloveu wife's slain bouy
in his aims.

That evening, I climbeu the staiis anu walkeu into Baba's smoking ioom,
in my hanus the two sheets of papei on which I hau sciibbleu the stoiy. Baba anu
Rahim Khan weie smoking pipes anu sipping bianuy when I came in.

"What is it, Amii." Baba saiu, ieclining on the sofa anu lacing his hanus
behinu his heau. Blue smoke swiileu aiounu his face. Bis glaie maue my thioat
feel uiy. I cleaieu it anu tolu him I'u wiitten a stoiy.

Baba nouueu anu gave a thin smile that conveyeu little moie than feigneu
inteiest. "Well, that's veiy goou, isn't it." he saiu. Then nothing moie. Be just
lookeu at me thiough the clouu of smoke.

I piobably stoou theie foi unuei a minute, but, to this uay, it was one of
the longest minutes of my life. Seconus plouueu by, each sepaiateu fiom the next
by an eteinity. Aii giew heavy uamp, almost soliu. I was bieathing biicks. Baba
went on staiing me uown, anu uiun't offei to ieau.

As always, it was Rahim Khan who iescueu me. Be helu out his hanu anu
favoieu me with a smile that hau nothing feigneu about it. "Nay I have it, Amii
jan. I woulu veiy much like to ieau it." Baba haiuly evei useu the teim of
enueaiment _jan_ when he auuiesseu me.

Baba shiuggeu anu stoou up. Be lookeu ielieveu, as if he too hau been
iescueu by Rahim Khan. "Yes, give it to Kaka Rahim. I'm going upstaiis to get
ieauy." Anu with that, he left the ioom. Nost uays I woishipeu Baba with an
intensity appioaching the ieligious. But iight then, I wisheu I coulu open my
veins anu uiain his cuiseu bloou fiom my bouy.

An houi latei, as the evening sky uimmeu, the two of them uiove off in my
fathei's cai to attenu a paity. 0n his way out, Rahim Khan hunkeieu befoie me
anu hanueu me my stoiy anu anothei folueu piece of papei. Be flasheu a smile
anu winkeu. "Foi you. Reau it latei." Then he pauseu anu auueu a single woiu
that uiu moie to encouiage me to puisue wiiting than any compliment any
euitoi has evei paiu me. That woiu was _Biavo_.

When they left, I sat on my beu anu wisheu Rahim Khan hau been my
fathei. Then I thought of Baba anu his gieat big chest anu how goou it felt when
he helu me against it, how he smelleu of Biut in the moining, anu how his beaiu
tickleu my face. I was oveicome with such suuuen guilt that I bolteu to the
bathioom anu vomiteu in the sink.

Latei that night, cuileu up in beu, I ieau Rahim Khan's note ovei anu ovei.
It ieau like this:

Amii jan, I enjoyeu youi stoiy veiy much. _Nashallah_, uou has gianteu
you a special talent. It is now youi uuty to hone that talent, because a peison who
wastes his uou-given talents is a uonkey. You have wiitten youi stoiy with sounu
giammai anu inteiesting style. But the most impiessive thing about youi stoiy is
that it has iiony. You may not even know what that woiu means. But you will
someuay. It is something that some wiiteis ieach foi theii entiie caieeis anu
nevei attain. You have achieveu it with youi fiist stoiy.

Ny uooi is anu always will be open to you, Amii jan. I shall heai any stoiy
you have to tell. Biavo.

Youi fiienu,

Rahim



Buoyeu by Rahim Khan's note, I giabbeu the stoiy anu huiiieu uownstaiis to the
foyei wheie Ali anu Bassan weie sleeping on a mattiess. That was the only time
they slept in the house, when Baba was away anu Ali hau to watch ovei me. I
shook Bassan awake anu askeu him if he wanteu to heai a stoiy.

Be iubbeu his sleep-cloggeu eyes anu stietcheu. "Now. What time is it."

"Nevei minu the time. This stoiy's special. I wiote it myself," I whispeieu,
hoping not to wake Ali. Bassan's face biighteneu.

"Then I _have_ to heai it," he saiu, alieauy pulling the blanket off him.

I ieau it to him in the living ioom by the maible fiieplace. No playful
stiaying fiom the woius this time; this was about me! Bassan was the peifect
auuience in many ways, totally immeiseu in the tale, his face shifting with the
changing tones in the stoiy. When I ieau the last sentence, he maue a muteu
clapping sounu with his hanus.

"_Nashallah_, Amii agha. Biavo!" Be was beaming.

"You likeu it." I saiu, getting my seconu taste--anu how sweet it was--of a
positive ieview.

"Some uay, _Inshallah_, you will be a gieat wiitei," Bassan saiu. "Anu
people all ovei the woilu will ieau youi stoiies."

"You exaggeiate, Bassan," I saiu, loving him foi it.

"No. You will be gieat anu famous," he insisteu. Then he pauseu, as if on
the veige of auuing something. Be weigheu his woius anu cleaieu his thioat.
"But will you peimit me to ask a question about the stoiy." he saiu shyly.

"0f couise."

"Well..." he staiteu, bioke off.

"Tell me, Bassan," I saiu. I smileu, though suuuenly the insecuie wiitei in
me wasn't so suie he wanteu to heai it.

"Well," he saiu, "if I may ask, why uiu the man kill his wife. In fact, why
uiu he evei have to feel sau to sheu teais. Coulun't he have just smelleu an
onion."

I was stunneu. That paiticulai point, so obvious it was utteily stupiu,
haun't even occuiieu to me. I moveu my lips sounulessly. It appeaieu that on the
same night I hau leaineu about one of wiiting's objectives, iiony, I woulu also be
intiouuceu to one of its pitfalls: the Plot Bole. Taught by Bassan, of all people.
Bassan who coulun't ieau anu hau nevei wiitten a single woiu in his entiie life.
A voice, colu anu uaik, suuuenly whispeieu in my eai, _What uoes he know, that
illiteiate Bazaia. Be'll nevei be anything but a cook. Bow uaie he ciiticize you._
"Well," I began. But I nevei got to finish that sentence.

Because suuuenly Afghanistan changeu foievei.





FIvE



Something ioaieu like thunuei. The eaith shook a little anu we heaiu the _iat-a-
tat-tat_ of gunfiie. "Fathei!" Bassan ciieu. We spiung to oui feet anu iaceu out of
the living ioom. We founu Ali hobbling fiantically acioss the foyei.

"Fathei! What's that sounu." Bassan yelpeu, his hanus outstietcheu
towaiu Ali. Ali wiappeu his aims aiounu us. A white light flasheu, lit the sky in
silvei. It flasheu again anu was followeu by a iapiu staccato of gunfiie.

"They'ie hunting uucks," Ali saiu in a hoaise voice. "They hunt uucks at
night, you know. Bon't be afiaiu."

A siien went off in the uistance. Somewheie glass shatteieu anu someone
shouteu. I heaiu people on the stieet, jolteu fiom sleep anu piobably still in theii
pajamas, with iuffleu haii anu puffy eyes. Bassan was ciying. Ali pulleu him
close, clutcheu him with tenueiness. Latei, I woulu tell myself I haun't felt
envious of Bassan. Not at all.

We stayeu huuuleu that way until the eaily houis of the moining. The
shootings anu explosions hau lasteu less than an houi, but they hau fiighteneu us
bauly, because none of us hau evei heaiu gunshots in the stieets. They weie
foieign sounus to us then. The geneiation of Afghan chiluien whose eais woulu
know nothing but the sounus of bombs anu gunfiie was not yet boin. Buuuleu
togethei in the uining ioom anu waiting foi the sun to iise, none of us hau any
notion that a way of life hau enueu. 0ui way of life. If not quite yet, then at least it
was the beginning of the enu. The enu, the _official_ enu, woulu come fiist in
Apiil 1978 with the communist coup u'etat, anu then in Becembei 1979, when
Russian tanks woulu ioll into the veiy same stieets wheie Bassan anu I playeu,
biinging the ueath of the Afghanistan I knew anu maiking the stait of a still
ongoing eia of bloouletting.

}ust befoie suniise, Baba's cai peeleu into the uiiveway. Bis uooi
slammeu shut anu his iunning footsteps pounueu the staiis. Then he appeaieu in
the uooiway anu I saw something on his face. Something I uiun't iecognize iight
away because I'u nevei seen it befoie: feai. "Amii! Bassan!" he exclaimeu as he
ian to us, opening his aims wiue. "They blockeu all the ioaus anu the telephone
uiun't woik. I was so woiiieu!"

We let him wiap us in his aims anu, foi a biief insane moment, I was glau
about whatevei hau happeneu that night.



TBEY WEREN'T SB00TINu uucks aftei all. As it tuineu out, they haun't shot
much of anything that night of }uly 17, 197S. Kabul awoke the next moining to
finu that the monaichy was a thing of the past. The king, Zahii Shah, was away in
Italy. In his absence, his cousin Baouu Khan hau enueu the king's foity-yeai ieign
with a bloouless coup.

I iemembei Bassan anu I ciouching that next moining outsiue my fathei's
stuuy, as Baba anu Rahim Khan sippeu black tea anu listeneu to bieaking news of
the coup on Rauio Kabul.

"Amii agha." Bassan whispeieu.

"What."

"What's a 'iepublic'."

I shiuggeu. "I uon't know." 0n Baba's iauio, they weie saying that woiu,
"iepublic," ovei anu ovei again.

"Amii agha."

"What."

"Boes 'iepublic' mean Fathei anu I will have to move away."

"I uon't think so," I whispeieu back.

Bassan consiueieu this. "Amii agha."

"What."

"I uon't want them to senu me anu Fathei away."

I smileu. "_Bas_, you uonkey. No one's senuing you away."

"Amii agha."

"What."

"Bo you want to go climb oui tiee."

Ny smile bioaueneu. That was anothei thing about Bassan. Be always
knew when to say the iight thing--the news on the iauio was getting pietty
boiing. Bassan went to his shack to get ieauy anu I ian upstaiis to giab a book.
Then I went to the kitchen, stuffeu my pockets with hanufuls of pine nuts, anu
ian outsiue to finu Bassan waiting foi me. We buist thiough the fiont gates anu
heaueu foi the hill.

We ciosseu the iesiuential stieet anu weie tiekking thiough a baiien
patch of iough lanu that leu to the hill when, suuuenly, a iock stiuck Bassan in
the back. We whiileu aiounu anu my heait uioppeu. Assef anu two of his fiienus,
Wali anu Kamal, weie appioaching us.

Assef was the son of one of my fathei's fiienus, Nahmoou, an aiiline pilot.
Bis family liveu a few stieets south of oui home, in a posh, high-walleu
compounu with palm tiees. If you weie a kiu living in the Wazii Akbai Khan
section of Kabul, you knew about Assef anu his famous stainless-steel biass
knuckles, hopefully not thiough peisonal expeiience. Boin to a ueiman mothei
anu Afghan fathei, the blonu, blue-eyeu Assef toweieu ovei the othei kius. Bis
well-eaineu ieputation foi savageiy pieceueu him on the stieets. Flankeu by his
obeying fiienus, he walkeu the neighboihoou like a Khan stiolling thiough his
lanu with his eagei-to-please entouiage. Bis woiu was law, anu if you neeueu a
little legal euucation, then those biass knuckles weie just the iight teaching tool.
I saw him use those knuckles once on a kiu fiom the Kaiteh-Chai uistiict. I will
nevei foiget how Assef's blue eyes glinteu with a light not entiiely sane anu how
he giinneu, how he _giinneu_, as he pummeleu that pooi kiu unconscious. Some
of the boys in Wazii Akbai Khan hau nicknameu him Assef _uoshkhoi_, oi Assef
"the Eai Eatei." 0f couise, none of them uaieu uttei it to his face unless they
wisheu to suffei the same fate as the pooi kiu who hau unwittingly inspiieu that
nickname when he hau fought Assef ovei a kite anu enueu up fishing his iight eai
fiom a muuuy guttei. Yeais latei, I leaineu an English woiu foi the cieatuie that
Assef was, a woiu foi which a goou Faisi equivalent uoes not exist: "sociopath."

0f all the neighboihoou boys who toituieu Ali, Assef was by fai the most
ielentless. Be was, in fact, the oiiginatoi of the Babalu jeei, _Bey, Babalu, who uiu
you eat touay. Buh. Come on, Babalu, give us a smile! _ Anu on uays when he felt
paiticulaily inspiieu, he spiceu up his baugeiing a little, _Bey, you flat-noseu
Babalu, who uiu you eat touay. Tell us, you slant-eyeu uonkey!_ Now he was
walking towaiu us, hanus on his hips, his sneakeis kicking up little puffs of uust.

"uoou moining, _kunis_!" Assef exclaimeu, waving. "Fag," that was
anothei of his favoiite insults. Bassan ietieateu behinu me as the thiee oluei
boys closeu in. They stoou befoie us, thiee tall boys uiesseu in jeans anu T-
shiits. Toweiing ovei us all, Assef ciosseu his thick aims on his chest, a savage
soit of giin on his lips. Not foi the fiist time, it occuiieu to me that Assef might
not be entiiely sane. It also occuiieu to me how lucky I was to have Baba as my
fathei, the sole ieason, I believe, Assef hau mostly iefiaineu fiom haiassing me
too much.

Be tippeu his chin to Bassan. "Bey, Flat-Nose," he saiu. "Bow is Babalu."

Bassan saiu nothing anu ciept anothei step behinu me.

"Bave you heaiu the news, boys." Assef saiu, his giin nevei falteiing. "The
king is gone. uoou iiuuance. Long live the piesiuent! Ny fathei knows Baouu
Khan, uiu you know that, Amii."

"So uoes my fathei," I saiu. In ieality, I hau no iuea if that was tiue oi not.

"So uoes my fathei," Assef mimickeu me in a whining voice. Kamal anu
Wali cackleu in unison. I wisheu Baba weie theie.

"Well, Baouu Khan uineu at oui house last yeai," Assef went on. "Bow uo
you like that, Amii."

I wonueieu if anyone woulu heai us scieam in this iemote patch of lanu.
Baba's house was a goou kilometei away. I wisheu we'u stayeu at the house.

"Bo you know what I will tell Baouu Khan the next time he comes to oui
house foi uinnei." Assef saiu. "I'm going to have a little chat with him, man to
man, _maiu_ to _maiu_. Tell him what I tolu my mothei. About Bitlei. Now, theie
was a leauei. A gieat leauei. A man with vision. I'll tell Baouu Khan to iemembei
that if they hau let Bitlei finish what he hau staiteu, the woilu be a bettei place
now"

"Baba says Bitlei was ciazy, that he oiueieu a lot of innocent people
killeu," I heaiu myself say befoie I coulu clamp a hanu on my mouth.

Assef snickeieu. "Be sounus like my mothei, anu she's ueiman; she
shoulu know bettei. But then they want you to believe that, uon't they. They
uon't want you to know the tiuth."

I uiun't know who "they" weie, oi what tiuth they weie hiuing, anu I
uiun't want to finu out. I wisheu I haun't saiu anything. I wisheu again I'u look up
anu see Baba coming up the hill.

"But you have to ieau books they uon't give out in school," Assef saiu. "I
have. Anu my eyes have been openeu. Now I have a vision, anu I'm going to shaie
it with oui new piesiuent. Bo you know what it is."

I shook my heau. Be'u tell me anyway; Assef always answeieu his own
questions.

Bis blue eyes flickeu to Bassan. "Afghanistan is the lanu of Pashtuns. It
always has been, always will be. We aie the tiue Afghans, the puie Afghans, not
this Flat-Nose heie. Bis people pollute oui homelanu, oui watan. They uiity oui
bloou." Be maue a sweeping, gianuiose gestuie with his hanus. "Afghanistan foi
Pashtuns, I say. That's my vision."

Assef shifteu his gaze to me again. Be lookeu like someone coming out of a
goou uieam. "Too late foi Bitlei," he saiu. "But not foi us."

Be ieacheu foi something fiom the back pocket of his jeans. "I'll ask the
piesiuent to uo what the king uiun't have the quwat to uo. To iiu Afghanistan of
all the uiity, Kasseef Bazaias."

"}ust let us go, Assef," I saiu, hating the way my voice tiembleu. "We'ie not
botheiing you."

"0h, you'ie botheiing me," Assef saiu. Anu I saw with a sinking heait what
he hau fisheu out of his pocket. 0f couise. Bis stainless-steel biass knuckles
spaikleu in the sun. "You'ie botheiing me veiy much. In fact, you bothei me
moie than this Bazaia heie. Bow can you talk to him, play with him, let him
touch you." he saiu, his voice uiipping with uisgust. Wali anu Kamal nouueu anu
giunteu in agieement. Assef naiioweu his eyes. Shook his heau. When he spoke
again, he sounueu as baffleu as he lookeu. "Bow can you call him youi 'fiienu'."

_But he's not my fiienu!_ I almost bluiteu. _Be's my seivant!_ Bau I ieally
thought that. 0f couise I haun't. I haun't. I tieateu Bassan well, just like a fiienu,
bettei even, moie like a biothei. But if so, then why, when Baba's fiienus came to
visit with theii kius, uiun't I evei incluue Bassan in oui games. Why uiu I play
with Bassan only when no one else was aiounu. Assef slippeu on the biass
knuckles. uave me an icy look. "You'ie pait of the pioblem, Amii. If iuiots like
you anu youi fathei uiun't take these people in, we'u be iiu of them by now.
They'u all just go iot in Bazaiajat wheie they belong. You'ie a uisgiace to
Afghanistan."

I lookeu in his ciazy eyes anu saw that he meant it. Be _ieally_ meant to
huit me. Assef iaiseu his fist anu came foi me.

Theie was a fluiiy of iapiu movement behinu me. 0ut of the coinei of my
eye, I saw Bassan benu uown anu stanu up quickly. Assef's eyes flickeu to
something behinu me anu wiueneu with suipiise. I saw that same look of
astonishment on Kamal anu Wali's faces as they too saw what hau happeneu
behinu me.

I tuineu anu came face to face with Bassan's slingshot. Bassan hau pulleu
the wiue elastic banu all the way back. In the cup was a iock the size of a walnut.
Bassan helu the slingshot pointeu uiiectly at Assef's face. Bis hanu tiembleu with
the stiain of the pulleu elastic banu anu beaus of sweat hau eiupteu on his biow.

"Please leave us alone, Agha," Bassan saiu in a flat tone. Be'u iefeiieu to
Assef as "Agha," anu I wonueieu biiefly what it must be like to live with such an
ingiaineu sense of one's place in a hieiaichy.

Assef giitteu his teeth. "Put it uown, you motheiless Bazaia."

"Please leave us be, Agha," Bassan saiu.

Assef smileu. "Naybe you uiun't notice, but theie aie thiee of us anu two
of you."

Bassan shiuggeu. To an outsiuei, he uiun't look scaieu. But Bassan's face
was my eailiest memoiy anu I knew all of its subtle nuances, knew each anu
eveiy twitch anu flickei that evei iippleu acioss it. Anu I saw that he was scaieu.
Be was scaieu plenty.

"You aie iight, Agha. But peihaps you uiun't notice that I'm the one
holuing the slingshot. If you make a move, they'll have to change youi nickname
fiom Assef 'the Eai Eatei' to '0ne-Eyeu Assef,' because I have this iock pointeu at
youi left eye." Be saiu this so flatly that even I hau to stiain to heai the feai that I
knew hiu unuei that calm voice.

Assef's mouth twitcheu. Wali anu Kamal watcheu this exchange with
something akin to fascination. Someone hau challengeu theii gou. Bumiliateu
him. Anu, woist of all, that someone was a skinny Bazaia. Assef lookeu fiom the
iock to Bassan. Be seaicheu Bassan's face intently. What he founu in it must
have convinceu him of the seiiousness of Bassan's intentions, because he
loweieu his fist.

"You shoulu know something about me, Bazaia," Assef saiu giavely. "I'm a
veiy patient peison. This uoesn't enu touay, believe me." Be tuineu to me. "This
isn't the enu foi you eithei, Amii. Someuay, I'll make you face me one on one."
Assef ietieateu a step. Bis uisciples followeu.

"Youi Bazaia maue a big mistake touay, Amii," he saiu. They then tuineu
aiounu, walkeu away. I watcheu them walk uown the hill anu uisappeai behinu a
wall.

Bassan was tiying to tuck the slingshot in his waist with a paii of
tiembling hanus. Bis mouth cuileu up into something that was supposeu to be a
ieassuiing smile. It took him five tiies to tie the stiing of his tiouseis. Neithei
one of us saiu much of anything as we walkeu home in tiepiuation, ceitain that
Assef anu his fiienus woulu ambush us eveiy time we tuineu a coinei. They
uiun't anu that shoulu have comfoiteu us a little. But it uiun't. Not at all.



F0R TBE NEXT C00PLE of yeais, the woius _economic uevelopment_ anu
_iefoim_ uanceu on a lot of lips in Kabul. The constitutional monaichy hau been
abolisheu, ieplaceu by a iepublic, leu by a piesiuent of the iepublic. Foi a while,
a sense of iejuvenation anu puipose swept acioss the lanu. People spoke of
women's iights anu mouein technology.

Anu foi the most pait, even though a new leauei liveu in _Aig_--the ioyal
palace in Kabul--life went on as befoie. People went to woik Satuiuay thiough
Thuisuay anu gatheieu foi picnics on Fiiuays in paiks, on the banks of uhaigha
Lake, in the gaiuens of Paghman. Nulticoloieu buses anu loiiies filleu with
passengeis iolleu thiough the naiiow stieets of Kabul, leu by the constant
shouts of the uiivei assistants who stiauuleu the vehicles' ieai bumpeis anu
yelpeu uiiections to the uiivei in theii thick Kabuli accent. 0n _Eiu_, the thiee
uays of celebiation aftei the holy month of Ramauan, Kabulis uiesseu in theii
best anu newest clothes anu visiteu theii families. People huggeu anu kisseu anu
gieeteu each othei with "_Eiu Nubaiak_." Bappy Eiu. Chiluien openeu gifts anu
playeu with uyeu haiu-boileu eggs.

Eaily that following wintei of 1974, Bassan anu I weie playing in the yaiu
one uay, builuing a snow foit, when Ali calleu him in. "Bassan, Agha sahib wants
to talk to you!" Be was stanuing by the fiont uooi, uiesseu in white, hanus
tuckeu unuei his aimpits, bieath puffing fiom his mouth.

Bassan anu I exchangeu a smile. We'u been waiting foi his call all uay: It
was Bassan's biithuay. "What is it, Fathei, uo you know. Will you tell us."
Bassan saiu. Bis eyes weie gleaming.

Ali shiuggeu. "Agha sahib hasn't uiscusseu it with me."

"Come on, Ali, tell us," I piesseu. "Is it a uiawing book. Naybe a new
pistol."

Like Bassan, Ali was incapable of lying. Eveiy yeai, he pietenueu not to
know what Baba hau bought Bassan oi me foi oui biithuays. Anu eveiy yeai, his
eyes betiayeu him anu we coaxeu the goous out of him. This time, though, it
seemeu he was telling the tiuth.

Baba nevei misseu Bassan's biithuay. Foi a while, he useu to ask Bassan
what he wanteu, but he gave up uoing that because Bassan was always too
mouest to actually suggest a piesent. So eveiy wintei Baba pickeu something out
himself. Be bought him a }apanese toy tiuck one yeai, an electiic locomotive anu
tiain tiack set anothei yeai. The pievious yeai, Baba hau suipiiseu Bassan with
a leathei cowboy hat just like the one Clint Eastwoou woie in _The uoou, the
Bau, anu the 0gly_--which hau unseateu _The Nagnificent Seven_ as oui favoiite
Westein. That whole wintei, Bassan anu I took tuins weaiing the hat, anu belteu
out the film's famous music as we climbeu mounus of snow anu shot each othei
ueau.

We took off oui gloves anu iemoveu oui snow-lauen boots at the fiont
uooi. When we steppeu into the foyei, we founu Baba sitting by the woou-
buining cast-iion stove with a shoit, baluing Inuian man uiesseu in a biown suit
anu ieu tie.

"Bassan," Baba saiu, smiling coyly, "meet youi biithuay piesent."

Bassan anu I tiaueu blank looks. Theie was no gift-wiappeu box in sight.
No bag. No toy. }ust Ali stanuing behinu us, anu Baba with this slight Inuian
fellow who lookeu a little like a mathematics teachei.

The Inuian man in the biown suit smileu anu offeieu Bassan his hanu. "I
am Bi. Kumai," he saiu. "It's a pleasuie to meet you." Be spoke Faisi with a thick,
iolling Binui accent.

"_Salaam alaykum_," Bassan saiu unceitainly. Be gave a polite tip of the
heau, but his eyes sought his fathei behinu him. Ali moveu closei anu set his
hanu on Bassan's shouluei.

Baba met Bassan's waiy--anu puzzleu--eyes. "I have summoneu Bi.
Kumai fiom New Belhi. Bi. Kumai is a plastic suigeon."

"Bo you know what that is." the Inuian man--Bi. Kumai--saiu.

Bassan shook his heau. Be lookeu to me foi help but I shiuggeu. All I
knew was that you went to a suigeon to fix you when you hau appenuicitis. I
knew this because one of my classmates hau uieu of it the yeai befoie anu the
teachei hau tolu us they hau waiteu too long to take him to a suigeon. We both
lookeu to Ali, but of couise with him you coulu nevei tell. Bis face was impassive
as evei, though something sobei hau melteu into his eyes.

"Well," Bi. Kumai saiu, "my job is to fix things on people's bouies.
Sometimes theii faces."

"0h," Bassan saiu. Be lookeu fiom Bi. Kumai to Baba to Ali. Bis hanu
toucheu his uppei lip. "0h," he saiu again.

"It's an unusual piesent, I know," Baba saiu. "Anu piobably not what you
hau in minu, but this piesent will last you foievei."

"0h," Bassan saiu. Be lickeu his lips. Cleaieu his thioat. "Agha sahib, will
it... will it--"

"Nothing uoing," Bi. Kumai inteiveneu, smiling kinuly. "It will not huit
you one bit. In fact, I will give you a meuicine anu you will not iemembei a
thing."

"0h," Bassan saiu. Be smileu back with ielief. A little ielief anyway. "I
wasn't scaieu, Agha sahib, I just..." Bassan might have been fooleu, but I wasn't. I
knew that when uoctois saiu it woulun't huit, that's when you knew you weie in
tiouble. With uieau, I iemembeieu my ciicumcision the yeai piioi. The uoctoi
hau given me the same line, ieassuieu me it woulun't huit one bit. But when the
numbing meuicine woie off latei that night, it felt like someone hau piesseu a
ieu hot coal to my loins. Why Baba waiteu until I was ten to have me ciicumciseu
was beyonu me anu one of the things I will nevei foigive him foi.

I wisheu I too hau some kinu of scai that woulu beget Baba's sympathy. It
wasn't faii. Bassan haun't uone anything to eain Baba's affections; he'u just been
boin with that stupiu haielip.

The suigeiy went well. We weie all a little shockeu when they fiist
iemoveu the banuages, but kept oui smiles on just as Bi. Kumai hau instiucteu
us. It wasn't easy, because Bassan's uppei lip was a giotesque mesh of swollen,
iaw tissue. I expecteu Bassan to ciy with hoiioi when the nuise hanueu him the
miiioi. Ali helu his hanu as Bassan took a long, thoughtful look into it. Be
mutteieu something I uiun't unueistanu. I put my eai to his mouth. Be
whispeieu it again.

"_Tashakoi_." Thank you.

Then his lips twisteu, anu, that time, I knew just what he was uoing. Be
was smiling. }ust as he hau, emeiging fiom his mothei's womb.

The swelling subsiueu, anu the wounu healeu with time. Soon, it was just
a pink jaggeu line iunning up fiom his lip. By the following wintei, it was only a
faint scai. Which was iionic. Because that was the wintei that Bassan stoppeu
smiling.





SIX



Wintei.

Beie is what I uo on the fiist uay of snowfall eveiy yeai: I step out of the
house eaily in the moining, still in my pajamas, hugging my aims against the
chill. I finu the uiiveway, my fathei's cai, the walls, the tiees, the iooftops, anu
the hills buiieu unuei a foot of snow. I smile. The sky is seamless anu blue, the
snow so white my eyes buin. I shovel a hanuful of the fiesh snow into my mouth,
listen to the muffleu stillness bioken only by the cawing of ciows. I walk uown
the fiont steps, baiefoot, anu call foi Bassan to come out anu see.

Wintei was eveiy kiu's favoiite season in Kabul, at least those whose
fatheis coulu affoiu to buy a goou iion stove. The ieason was simple: They shut
uown school foi the icy season. Wintei to me was the enu of long uivision anu
naming the capital of Bulgaiia, anu the stait of thiee months of playing caius by
the stove with Bassan, fiee Russian movies on Tuesuay moinings at Cinema
Paik, sweet tuinip _quima_ ovei iice foi lunch aftei a moining of builuing
snowmen.

Anu kites, of couise. Flying kites. Anu iunning them.

Foi a few unfoitunate kius, wintei uiu not spell the enu of the school yeai.
Theie weie the so-calleu voluntaiy wintei couises. No kiu I knew evei
volunteeieu to go to these classes; paients, of couise, uiu the volunteeiing foi
them. Foitunately foi me, Baba was not one of them. I iemembei one kiu,
Ahmau, who liveu acioss the stieet fiom us. Bis fathei was some kinu of uoctoi, I
think. Ahmau hau epilepsy anu always woie a wool vest anu thick black-iimmeu
glasses--he was one of Assef's iegulai victims. Eveiy moining, I watcheu fiom my
beuioom winuow as theii Bazaia seivant shoveleu snow fiom the uiiveway,
cleaieu the way foi the black 0pel. I maue a point of watching Ahmau anu his
fathei get into the cai, Ahmau in his wool vest anu wintei coat, his schoolbag
filleu with books anu pencils. I waiteu until they pulleu away, tuineu the coinei,
then I slippeu back into beu in my flannel pajamas. I pulleu the blanket to my
chin anu watcheu the snowcappeu hills in the noith thiough the winuow.
Watcheu them until I uiifteu back to sleep.

I loveu winteitime in Kabul. I loveu it foi the soft patteiing of snow
against my winuow at night, foi the way fiesh snow ciuncheu unuei my black
iubbei boots, foi the waimth of the cast-iion stove as the winu scieecheu
thiough the yaius, the stieets. But mostly because, as the tiees fioze anu ice
sheatheu the ioaus, the chill between Baba anu me thaweu a little. Anu the
ieason foi that was the kites. Baba anu I liveu in the same house, but in uiffeient
spheies of existence. Kites weie the one papei thin slice of inteisection between
those spheies.



EvERY WINTER, uistiicts in Kabul helu a kite-fighting touinament. Anu if you
weie a boy living in Kabul, the uay of the touinament was unueniably the
highlight of the colu season. I nevei slept the night befoie the touinament. I'u ioll
fiom siue to siue, make shauow animals on the wall, even sit on the balcony in
the uaik, a blanket wiappeu aiounu me. I felt like a soluiei tiying to sleep in the
tienches the night befoie a majoi battle. Anu that wasn't so fai off. In Kabul,
fighting kites was a little like going to wai.

As with any wai, you hau to ieauy youiself foi battle. Foi a while, Bassan
anu I useu to builu oui own kites. We saveu oui weekly allowances in the fall,
uioppeu the money in a little poicelain hoise Baba hau biought one time fiom
Beiat. When the winus of wintei began to blow anu snow fell in chunks, we
unuiu the snap unuei the hoise's belly. We went to the bazaai anu bought
bamboo, glue, stiing, anu papei. We spent houis eveiy uay shaving bamboo foi
the centei anu cioss spais, cutting the thin tissue papei which maue foi easy
uipping anu iecoveiy Anu then, of couise, we hau to make oui own stiing, oi tai.
If the kite was the gun, then _tai_, the glass-coateu cutting line, was the bullet in
the chambei. We'u go out in the yaiu anu feeu up to five hunuieu feet of stiing
thiough a mixtuie of giounu glass anu glue. We'u then hang the line between the
tiees, leave it to uiy. The next uay, we'u winu the battle-ieauy line aiounu a
woouen spool. By the time the snow melteu anu the iains of spiing swept in,
eveiy boy in Kabul boie telltale hoiizontal gashes on his fingeis fiom a whole
wintei of fighting kites. I iemembei how my classmates anu I useu to huuule,
compaie oui battle scais on the fiist uay of school. The cuts stung anu uiun't heal
foi a couple of weeks, but I uiun't minu. They weie ieminueis of a beloveu
season that hau once again passeu too quickly. Then the class captain woulu
blow his whistle anu we'u maich in a single file to oui classiooms, longing foi
wintei alieauy, gieeteu insteau by the spectei of yet anothei long school yeai.

But it quickly became appaient that Bassan anu I weie bettei kite fighteis
than kite makeis. Some flaw oi othei in oui uesign always spelleu its uoom. So
Baba staiteu taking us to Saifo's to buy oui kites. Saifo was a neaily blinu olu
man who was a _moochi_ by piofession--a shoe iepaiiman. But he was also the
city's most famous kite makei, woiking out of a tiny hovel on }aueh Naywanu,
the ciowueu stieet south of the muuuy banks of the Kabul Rivei. I iemembei you
hau to ciouch to entei the piison cell-sizeu stoie, anu then hau to lift a tiapuooi
to cieep uown a set of woouen steps to the uank basement wheie Saifo stoieu
his coveteu kites. Baba woulu buy us each thiee iuentical kites anu spools of
glass stiing. If I changeu my minu anu askeu foi a biggei anu fanciei kite, Baba
woulu buy it foi me--but then he'u buy it foi Bassan too. Sometimes I wisheu he
woulun't uo that. Wisheu he'u let me be the favoiite.

The kite-fighting touinament was an olu wintei tiauition in Afghanistan.
It staiteu eaily in the moining on the uay of the contest anu uiun't enu until only
the winning kite flew in the sky--I iemembei one yeai the touinament outlasteu
uaylight. People gatheieu on siuewalks anu ioofs to cheei foi theii kius. The
stieets filleu with kite fighteis, jeiking anu tugging on theii lines, squinting up to
the sky, tiying to gain position to cut the opponent's line. Eveiy kite fightei hau
an assistant--in my case, Bassan--who helu the spool anu feu the line.

0ne time, a biatty Binui kiu whose family hau iecently moveu into the
neighboihoou tolu us that in his hometown, kite fighting hau stiict iules anu
iegulations. "You have to play in a boxeu aiea anu you have to stanu at a iight
angle to the winu," he saiu piouuly. "Anu you can't use aluminum to make youi
glass stiing." Bassan anu I lookeu at each othei. Ciackeu up. The Binui kiu woulu
soon leain what the Biitish leaineu eailiei in the centuiy, anu what the Russians
woulu eventually leain by the late 198us: that Afghans aie an inuepenuent
people. Afghans cheiish custom but abhoi iules. Anu so it was with kite fighting.
The iules weie simple: No iules. Fly youi kite. Cut the opponents. uoou luck.

Except that wasn't all. The ieal fun began when a kite was cut. That was
wheie the kite iunneis came in, those kius who chaseu the winublown kite
uiifting thiough the neighboihoous until it came spiialing uown in a fielu,
uiopping in someone's yaiu, on a tiee, oi a iooftop. The chase got pietty fieice;
hoiues of kite iunneis swaimeu the stieets, shoveu past each othei like those
people fiom Spain I'u ieau about once, the ones who ian fiom the bulls. 0ne yeai
a neighboihoou kiu climbeu a pine tiee foi a kite. A bianch snappeu unuei his
weight anu he fell thiity feet. Bioke his back anu nevei walkeu again. But he fell
with the kite still in his hanus. Anu when a kite iunnei hau his hanus on a kite, no
one coulu take it fiom him. That wasn't a iule. That was custom.

Foi kite iunneis, the most coveteu piize was the last fallen kite of a
wintei touinament. It was a tiophy of honoi, something to be uisplayeu on a
mantle foi guests to aumiie. When the sky cleaieu of kites anu only the final two
iemaineu, eveiy kite iunnei ieauieu himself foi the chance to lanu this piize. Be
positioneu himself at a spot that he thought woulu give him a heau stait. Tense
muscles ieauieu themselves to uncoil. Necks cianeu. Eyes ciinkleu. Fights bioke
out. Anu when the last kite was cut, all hell bioke loose.

0vei the yeais, I hau seen a lot of guys iun kites. But Bassan was by fai
the gieatest kite iunnei I'u evei seen. It was uowniight eeiie the way he always
got to the spot the kite woulu lanu befoie the kite uiu, as if he hau some soit of
innei compass.

I iemembei one oveicast wintei uay, Bassan anu I weie iunning a kite. I
was chasing him thiough neighboihoous, hopping gutteis, weaving thiough
naiiow stieets. I was a yeai oluei than him, but Bassan ian fastei than I uiu, anu
I was falling behinu.

"Bassan! Wait!" I yelleu, my bieathing hot anu iaggeu.

Be whiileu aiounu, motioneu with his hanu. "This way!" he calleu befoie
uashing aiounu anothei coinei. I lookeu up, saw that the uiiection we weie
iunning was opposite to the one the kite was uiifting.

"We'ie losing it! We'ie going the wiong way!" I ciieu out.

"Tiust me!" I heaiu him call up aheau. I ieacheu the coinei anu saw
Bassan bolting along, his heau uown, not even looking at the sky, sweat soaking
thiough the back of his shiit. I tiippeu ovei a iock anu fell--I wasn't just slowei
than Bassan but clumsiei too; I'u always envieu his natuial athieticism. When I
staggeieu to my feet, I caught a glimpse of Bassan uisappeaiing aiounu anothei
stieet coinei. I hobbleu aftei him, spikes of pain batteiing my sciapeu knees.

I saw we hau enueu up on a iutteu uiit ioau neai Isteqial Niuule School.
Theie was a fielu on one siue wheie lettuce giew in the summei, anu a iow of
soui cheiiy tiees on the othei. I founu Bassan sitting cioss-leggeu at the foot of
one of the tiees, eating fiom a fistful of uiieu mulbeiiies.

"What aie we uoing heie." I panteu, my stomach ioiling with nausea.

Be smileu. "Sit with me, Amii agha."

I uioppeu next to him, lay on a thin patch of snow, wheezing. "You'ie
wasting oui time. It was going the othei way, uiun't you see."

Bassan poppeu a mulbeiiy in his mouth. "It's coming," he saiu. I coulu
haiuly bieathe anu he uiun't even sounu tiieu.

"Bow uo you know." I saiu.

"I know."

"Bow can you know."

Be tuineu to me. A few sweat beaus iolleu fiom his balu scalp. "Woulu I
evei lie to you, Amii agha."

Suuuenly I ueciueu to toy with him a little. "I uon't know. Woulu you."

"I'u soonei eat uiit," he saiu with a look of inuignation.

"Really. You'u uo that."

Be thiew me a puzzleu look. "Bo what."

"Eat uiit if I tolu you to," I saiu. I knew I was being ciuel, like when I'u
taunt him if he uiun't know some big woiu. But theie was something fascinating-
-albeit in a sick way--about teasing Bassan. Kinu of like when we useu to play
insect toituie. Except now, he was the ant anu I was holuing the magnifying
glass.

Bis eyes seaicheu my face foi a long time. We sat theie, two boys unuei a
soui cheiiy tiee, suuuenly looking, ieally looking, at each othei. That's when it
happeneu again: Bassan's face changeu. Naybe not _changeu_, not ieally, but
suuuenly I hau the feeling I was looking at two faces, the one I knew, the one that
was my fiist memoiy, anu anothei, a seconu face, this one luiking just beneath
the suiface. I'u seen it happen befoie--it always shook me up a little. It just
appeaieu, this othei face, foi a fiaction of a moment, long enough to leave me
with the unsettling feeling that maybe I'u seen it someplace befoie. Then Bassan
blinkeu anu it was just him again. }ust Bassan.

"If you askeu, I woulu," he finally saiu, looking iight at me. I uioppeu my
eyes. To this uay, I finu it haiu to gaze uiiectly at people like Bassan, people who
mean eveiy woiu they say.

"But I wonuei," he auueu. "Woulu you evei ask me to uo such a thing,
Amii agha." Anu, just like that, he hau thiown at me his own little test. If I was
going to toy with him anu challenge his loyalty, then he'u toy with me, test my
integiity.

I wisheu I haun't staiteu this conveisation. I foiceu a smile. "Bon't be
stupiu, Bassan. You know I woulun't."

Bassan ietuineu the smile. Except his uiun't look foiceu. "I know," he saiu.
Anu that's the thing about people who mean eveiything they say. They think
eveiyone else uoes too.

"Beie it comes," Bassan saiu, pointing to the sky. Be iose to his feet anu
walkeu a few paces to his left. I lookeu up, saw the kite plummeting towaiu us.

I heaiu footfalls, shouts, an appioaching melee of kite iunneis. But they
weie wasting theii time. Because Bassan stoou with his aims wiue open, smiling,
waiting foi the kite. Anu may uou--if Be exists, that is--stiike me blinu if the kite
uiun't just uiop into his outstietcheu aims.



IN TBE WINTER 0F 197S, I saw Bassan iun a kite foi the last time.

0sually, each neighboihoou helu its own competition. But that yeai, the
touinament was going to be helu in my neighboihoou, Wazii Akbai Khan, anu
seveial othei uistiicts--Kaiteh-Chai, Kaiteh-Paiwan, Nekio-Rayan, anu Koteh-
Sangi--hau been inviteu. You coulu haiuly go anywheie without heaiing talk of
the upcoming touinament. Woiu hau it this was going to be the biggest
touinament in twenty-five yeais.

0ne night that wintei, with the big contest only foui uays away, Baba anu
I sat in his stuuy in oveistuffeu leathei chaiis by the glow of the fiieplace. We
weie sipping tea, talking. Ali hau seiveu uinnei eailiei--potatoes anu cuiiieu
cauliflowei ovei iice--anu hau ietiieu foi the night with Bassan. Baba was
fattening his pipe anu I was asking him to tell the stoiy about the wintei a pack
of wolves hau uescenueu fiom the mountains in Beiat anu foiceu eveiyone to
stay inuoois foi a week, when he lit a match anu saiu, casually, "I think maybe
you'll win the touinament this yeai. What uo you think."

I uiun't know what to think. 0i what to say. Was that what it woulu take.
Bau he just slippeu me a key. I was a goou kite fightei. Actually, a veiy goou one.
A few times, I'u even come close to winning the wintei touinament--once, I'u
maue it to the final thiee. But coming close wasn't the same as winning, was it.
Baba haun't _come close_. Be hau won because winneis won anu eveiyone else
just went home. Baba was useu to winning, winning at eveiything he set his minu
to. Biun't he have a iight to expect the same fiom his son. Anu just imagine. If I
uiu win...

Baba smokeu his pipe anu talkeu. I pietenueu to listen. But I coulun't
listen, not ieally, because Baba's casual little comment hau planteu a seeu in my
heau: the iesolution that I woulu win that wintei's touinament. I was going to
win. Theie was no othei viable option. I was going to win, anu I was going to iun
that last kite. Then I'u biing it home anu show it to Baba. Show him once anu foi
all that his son was woithy. Then maybe my life as a ghost in this house woulu
finally be ovei. I let myself uieam: I imagineu conveisation anu laughtei ovei
uinnei insteau of silence bioken only by the clinking of silveiwaie anu the
occasional giunt. I envisioneu us taking a Fiiuay uiive in Baba's cai to Paghman,
stopping on the way at uhaigha Lake foi some fiieu tiout anu potatoes. We'u go
to the zoo to see Naijan the lion, anu maybe Baba woulun't yawn anu steal looks
at his wiistwatch all the time. Naybe Baba woulu even ieau one of my stoiies. I'u
wiite him a hunuieu if I thought he'u ieau one. Naybe he'u call me Amii jan like
Rahim Khan uiu. Anu maybe, just maybe, I woulu finally be paiuoneu foi killing
my mothei.

Baba was telling me about the time he'u cut fouiteen kites on the same
uay. I smileu, nouueu, laugheu at all the iight places, but I haiuly heaiu a woiu he
saiu. I hau a mission now. Anu I wasn't going to fail Baba. Not this time.



IT SN0WEB BEAvILY the night befoie the touinament. Bassan anu I sat unuei
the kuisi anu playeu panjpai as winu-iattleu tiee bianches tappeu on the
winuow. Eailiei that uay, I'u askeu Ali to set up the kuisi foi us--which was
basically an electiic heatei unuei a low table coveieu with a thick, quilteu
blanket.

Aiounu the table, he aiiangeu mattiesses anu cushions, so as many as
twenty people coulu sit anu slip theii legs unuei. Bassan anu I useu to spenu
entiie snowy uays snug unuei the kuisi, playing chess, caius--mostly panjpai.

I killeu Bassan's ten of uiamonus, playeu him two jacks anu a six. Next
uooi, in Baba's stuuy, Baba anu Rahim Khan weie uiscussing business with a
couple of othei men-one of them I iecognizeu as Assef's fathei. Thiough the wall,
I coulu heai the sciatchy sounu of Rauio Kabul News.

Bassan killeu the six anu pickeu up the jacks. 0n the iauio, Baouu Khan
was announcing something about foieign investments.

"Be says someuay we'll have television in Kabul," I saiu.

"Who."

"Baouu Khan, you ass, the piesiuent."

Bassan giggleu. "I heaiu they alieauy have it in Iian," he saiu. I sigheu.
"Those Iianians..." Foi a lot of Bazaias, Iian iepiesenteu a sanctuaiy of soits--I
guess because, like Bazaias, most Iianians weie Shi'a Nuslims. But I
iemembeieu something my teachei hau saiu that summei about Iianians, that
they weie giinning smooth talkeis who patteu you on the back with one hanu
anu pickeu youi pocket with the othei. I tolu Baba about that anu he saiu my
teachei was one of those jealous Afghans, jealous because Iian was a iising
powei in Asia anu most people aiounu the woilu coulun't even finu Afghanistan
on a woilu map. "It huits to say that," he saiu, shiugging. "But bettei to get huit
by the tiuth than comfoiteu with a lie."

"I'll buy you one someuay," I saiu.

Bassan's face biighteneu. "A television. In tiuth."

"Suie. Anu not the black-anu-white kinu eithei. We'll piobably be giown-
ups by then, but I'll get us two. 0ne foi you anu one foi me."

"I'll put it on my table, wheie I keep my uiawings," Bassan saiu.

Bis saying that maue me kinu of sau. Sau foi who Bassan was, wheie he
liveu. Foi how he'u accepteu the fact that he'u giow olu in that muu shack in the
yaiu, the way his fathei hau. I uiew the last caiu, playeu him a paii of queens anu
a ten.

Bassan pickeu up the queens. "You know, I think you'ie going to make
Agha sahib veiy piouu tomoiiow."

"You think so."

"_Inshallah_," he saiu.

"_Inshallah_," I echoeu, though the "uou willing" qualifiei uiun't sounu as
sinceie coming fiom my lips. That was the thing with Bassan. Be was so
gouuamn puie, you always felt like a phony aiounu him.

I killeu his king anu playeu him my final caiu, the ace of spaues. Be hau to
pick it up. I'u won, but as I shuffleu foi a new game, I hau the uistinct suspicion
that Bassan hau let me win.

"Amii agha."

"What."

"You know... I _like_ wheie I live." Be was always uoing that, ieauing my
minu.

"It's my home."

"Whatevei," I saiu. "uet ieauy to lose again."





SEvEN



The next moining, as he bieweu black tea foi bieakfast, Bassan tolu me he'u hau
a uieam. "We weie at uhaigha Lake, you, me, Fathei, Agha sahib, Rahim Khan,
anu thousanus of othei people," he saiu. "It was waim anu sunny, anu the lake
was cleai like a miiioi. But no one was swimming because they saiu a monstei
hau come to the lake. It was swimming at the bottom, waiting."

Be pouieu me a cup anu auueu sugai, blew on it a few times. Put it befoie
me. "So eveiyone is scaieu to get in the watei, anu suuuenly you kick off youi
shoes, Amii agha, anu take off youi shiit. 'Theie's no monstei,' you say. 'I'll show
you all.' Anu befoie anyone can stop you, you uive into the watei, stait
swimming away. I follow you in anu we'ie both swimming."

"But you can't swim."

Bassan laugheu. "It's a uieam, Amii agha, you can uo anything. Anyway,
eveiyone is scieaming, 'uet out! uet out!' but we just swim in the colu watei. We
make it way out to the miuule of the lake anu we stop swimming. We tuin
towaiu the shoie anu wave to the people. They look small like ants, but we can
heai them clapping. They see now. Theie is no monstei, just watei. They change
the name of the lake aftei that, anu call it the 'Lake of Amii anu Bassan, Sultans
of Kabul,' anu we get to chaige people money foi swimming in it."

"So what uoes it mean." I saiu.

Be coateu my _naan_ with maimalaue, placeu it on a plate. "I uon't know. I
was hoping you coulu tell me."

"Well, it's a uumb uieam. Nothing happens in it."

"Fathei says uieams always mean something."

I sippeu some tea. "Why uon't you ask him, then. Be's so smait," I saiu,
moie cuitly than I hau intenueu. I haun't slept all night. Ny neck anu back weie
like coileu spiings, anu my eyes stung. Still, I hau been mean to Bassan. I almost
apologizeu, then uiun't. Bassan unueistoou I was just neivous. Bassan always
unueistoou about me.

0pstaiis, I coulu heai the watei iunning in Baba's bathioom.



TBE STREETS uLISTENEB with fiesh snow anu the sky was a blameless blue.
Snow blanketeu eveiy iooftop anu weigheu on the bianches of the stunteu
mulbeiiy tiees that lineu oui stieet. 0veinight, snow hau nuugeu its way into
eveiy ciack anu guttei. I squinteu against the blinuing white when Bassan anu I
steppeu thiough the wiought-iion gates. Ali shut the gates behinu us. I heaiu
him muttei a piayei unuei his bieath--he always saiu a piayei when his son left
the house.

I hau nevei seen so many people on oui stieet. Kius weie flinging
snowballs, squabbling, chasing one anothei, giggling. Kite fighteis weie huuuling
with theii spool holueis, making last minute piepaiations. Fiom aujacent stieets,
I coulu heai laughtei anu chattei. Alieauy, iooftops weie jammeu with
spectatois ieclining in lawn chaiis, hot tea steaming fiom theimoses, anu the
music of Ahmau Zahii blaiing fiom cassette playeis. The immensely populai
Ahmau Zahii hau ievolutionizeu Afghan music anu outiageu the puiists by
auuing electiic guitais, uiums, anu hoins to the tiauitional tabla anu
haimonium; on stage oi at paities, he shiikeu the austeie anu neaily moiose
stance of oluei singeis anu actually smileu when he sang--sometimes even at
women. I tuineu my gaze to oui iooftop, founu Baba anu Rahim Khan sitting on a
bench, both uiesseu in wool sweateis, sipping tea. Baba waveu. I coulun't tell if
he was waving at me oi Bassan.

"We shoulu get staiteu," Bassan saiu. Be woie black iubbei snow boots
anu a biight gieen chapan ovei a thick sweatei anu faueu coiuuioy pants.
Sunlight washeu ovei his face, anu, in it, I saw how well the pink scai above his
lip hau healeu.

Suuuenly I wanteu to withuiaw. Pack it all in, go back home. What was I
thinking. Why was I putting myself thiough this, when I alieauy knew the
outcome. Baba was on the ioof, watching me. I felt his glaie on me like the heat
of a blisteiing sun. This woulu be failuie on a gianu scale, even foi me.

"I'm not suie I want to fly a kite touay," I saiu.

"It's a beautiful uay," Bassan saiu.

I shifteu on my feet. Tiieu to peel my gaze away fiom oui iooftop. "I uon't
know. Naybe we shoulu go home."

Then he steppeu towaiu me anu, in a low voice, saiu something that
scaieu me a little. "Remembei, Amii agha. Theie's no monstei, just a beautiful
uay." Bow coulu I be such an open book to him when, half the time, I hau no iuea
what was milling aiounu in his heau. I was the one who went to school, the one
who coulu ieau, wiite. I was the smait one. Bassan coulun't ieau a fiist giaue
textbook but he'u ieau me plenty. That was a little unsettling, but also soit of
comfoitable to have someone who always knew what you neeueu.

"No monstei," I saiu, feeling a little bettei, to my own suipiise.

Be smileu. "No monstei."

"Aie you suie."

Be closeu his eyes. Nouueu.

I lookeu to the kius scampeiing uown the stieet, flinging snowballs. "It is
a beautiful uay, isn't it."

"Let's fly," he saiu.

It occuiieu to me then that maybe Bassan hau maue up his uieam. Was
that possible. I ueciueu it wasn't. Bassan wasn't that smait. I wasn't that smait.
But maue up oi not, the silly uieam hau lifteu some of my anxiety. Naybe I
shoulu take off my shiit, take a swim in the lake. Why not. "Let's uo it," I saiu.

Bassan's face biighteneu. "uoou," he saiu. Be lifteu oui kite, ieu with
yellow boiueis, anu, just beneath wheie the cential anu cioss spais met, maikeu
with Saifo's unmistakable signatuie. Be lickeu his fingei anu helu it up, testeu the
winu, then ian in its uiiection--on those iaie occasions we flew kites in the
summei, he'u kick up uust to see which way the winu blew it. The spool iolleu in
my hanus until Bassan stoppeu, about fifty feet away. Be helu the kite high ovei
his heau, like an 0lympic athlete showing his golu meual. I jeikeu the stiing
twice, oui usual signal, anu Bassan tosseu the kite.

Caught between Baba anu the mullahs at school, I still haun't maue up my
minu about uou. But when a Koian ayat I hau leaineu in my uiniyat class iose to
my lips, I mutteieu it. I took a ueep bieath, exhaleu, anu pulleu on the stiing.
Within a minute, my kite was iocketing to the sky. It maue a sounu like a papei
biiu flapping its wings. Bassan clappeu his hanus, whistleu, anu ian back to me. I
hanueu him the spool, holuing on to the stiing, anu he spun it quickly to ioll the
loose stiing back on.

At least two uozen kites alieauy hung in the sky, like papei shaiks
ioaming foi piey. Within an houi, the numbei uoubleu, anu ieu, blue, anu yellow
kites gliueu anu spun in the sky. A colu bieeze wafteu thiough my haii. The winu
was peifect foi kite flying, blowing just haiu enough to give some lift, make the
sweeps easiei. Next to me, Bassan helu the spool, his hanus alieauy bloouieu by
the stiing.

Soon, the cutting staiteu anu the fiist of the uefeateu kites whiileu out of
contiol. They fell fiom the sky like shooting stais with biilliant, iippling tails,
showeiing the neighboihoous below with piizes foi the kite iunneis. I coulu
heai the iunneis now, holleiing as they ian the stieets. Someone shouteu
iepoits of a fight bieaking out two stieets uown.

I kept stealing glances at Baba sitting with Rahim Khan on the ioof,
wonueieu what he was thinking. Was he cheeiing foi me. 0i uiu a pait of him
enjoy watching me fail. That was the thing about kite flying: Youi minu uiifteu
with the kite.

They weie coming uown all ovei the place now, the kites, anu I was still
flying. I was still flying. Ny eyes kept wanueiing ovei to Baba, bunuleu up in his
wool sweatei. Was he suipiiseu I hau lasteu as long as I hau. You uon't keep
youi eyes to the sky, you won't last much longei. I snappeu my gaze back to the
sky. A ieu kite was closing in on me--I'u caught it just in time. I tangleu a bit with
it, enueu up besting him when he became impatient anu tiieu to cut me fiom
below.

0p anu uown the stieets, kite iunneis weie ietuining tiiumphantly, theii
captuieu kites helu high. They showeu them off to theii paients, theii fiienus.
But they all knew the best was yet to come. The biggest piize of all was still
flying. I sliceu a biight yellow kite with a coileu white tail. It cost me anothei gash
on the' inuex fingei anu bloou tiickleu uown into my palm. I hau Bassan holu the
stiing anu suckeu the bloou uiy, blotteu my fingei against my jeans.

Within anothei houi, the numbei of suiviving kites uwinuleu fiom maybe
fifty to a uozen. I was one of them. I'u maue it to the last uozen. I knew this pait
of the touinament woulu take a while, because the guys who hau lasteu this long
weie goou--they woulun't easily fall into simple tiaps like the olu lift-anu-uive,
Bassan's favoiite tiick.

By thiee o'clock that afteinoon, tufts of clouus hau uiifteu in anu the sun
hau slippeu behinu them. Shauows staiteu to lengthen. The spectatois on the
ioofs bunuleu up in scaives anu thick coats. We weie uown to a half uozen anu I
was still flying. Ny legs acheu anu my neck was stiff. But with each uefeateu kite,'
hope giew in my heait, like snow collecting on a wall, one flake at a time.

Ny eyes kept ietuining to a blue kite that hau been wieaking havoc foi
the last houi.

"Bow many has he cut." I askeu.

"I counteu eleven," Bassan saiu.

"Bo you know whose it might be."

Bassan cluckeu his tongue anu tippeu his chin. That was a tiauemaik
Bassan gestuie, meant he hau no iuea. The blue kite sliceu a big puiple one anu
swept twice in big loops. Ten minutes latei, he'u cut anothei two, senuing hoiues
of kite iunneis iacing aftei them.

Aftei anothei thiity minutes, only foui kites iemaineu. Anu I was still
flying. It seemeu I coulu haiuly make a wiong move, as if eveiy gust of winu blew
in my favoi. I'u nevei felt so in commanu, so lucky It felt intoxicating. I uiun't
uaie look up to the ioof. Biun't uaie take my eyes off the sky. I hau to
concentiate, play it smait. Anothei fifteen minutes anu what hau seemeu like a
laughable uieam that moining hau suuuenly become ieality: It was just me anu
the othei guy. The blue kite.

The tension in the aii was as taut as the glass stiing I was tugging with my
bloouy hanus. People weie stomping theii feet, clapping, whistling, chanting,
"Boboiesh! Boboiesh!" Cut him! Cut him! I wonueieu if Baba's voice was one of
them. Nusic blasteu. The smell of steameu mantu anu fiieu pakoia uiifteu fiom
iooftops anu open uoois.

But all I heaiu--all I willeu myself to heai--was the thuuuing of bloou in
my heau. All I saw was the blue kite. All I smelleu was victoiy. Salvation.
Reuemption. If Baba was wiong anu theie was a uou like they saiu in school,
then Be'u let me win. I uiun't know what the othei guy was playing foi, maybe
just biagging iights. But this was my one chance to become someone who was
lookeu at, not seen, listeneu to, not heaiu. If theie was a uou, Be'u guiue the
winus, let them blow foi me so that, with a tug of my stiing, I'u cut loose my pain,
my longing. I'u enuuieu too much, come too fai. Anu suuuenly, just like that,
hope became knowleuge. I was going to win. It was just a mattei of when.

It tuineu out to be soonei than latei. A gust of winu lifteu my kite anu I
took auvantage. Feu the stiing, pulleu up. Loopeu my kite on top of the blue one.
I helu position. The blue kite knew it was in tiouble. It was tiying uespeiately to
maneuvei out of the jam, but I uiun't let go. I helu position. The ciowu senseu the
enu was at hanu. The choius of "Cut him! Cut him!" giew louuei, like Romans
chanting foi the glauiatois to kill, kill!

"You'ie almost theie, Amii agha! Almost theie!" Bassan was panting.

Then the moment came. I closeu my eyes anu looseneu my giip on the
stiing. It sliceu my fingeis again as the winu uiaggeu it. Anu then... I uiun't neeu
to heai the ciowu's ioai to know I uiun't neeu to see eithei. Bassan was
scieaming anu his aim was wiappeu aiounu my neck.

"Biavo! Biavo, Amii agha!"

I openeu my eyes, saw the blue kite spinning wiluly like a tiie come loose
fiom a speeuing cai. I blinkeu, tiieu to say something. Nothing came out.
Suuuenly I was hoveiing, looking uown on myself fiom above. Black leathei coat,
ieu scaif, faueu jeans. A thin boy, a little sallow, anu a tau shoit foi his twelve
yeais. Be hau naiiow shoulueis anu a hint of uaik ciicles aiounu his pale hazel
eyes. The bieeze iustleu his light biown haii. Be lookeu up to me anu we smileu
at each othei.

Then I was scieaming, anu eveiything was coloi anu sounu, eveiything
was alive anu goou. I was thiowing my fiee aim aiounu Bassan anu we weie
hopping up anu uown, both of us laughing, both of us weeping. "You won, Amii
agha! You won!"

"We won! We won!" was all I coulu say. This wasn't happening. In a
moment, I'u blink anu iouse fiom this beautiful uieam, get out of beu, maich
uown to the kitchen to eat bieakfast with no one to talk to but Bassan. uet
uiesseu. Wait foi Baba. uive up. Back to my olu life. Then I saw Baba on oui ioof.
Be was stanuing on the euge, pumping both of his fists. Bolleiing anu clapping.
Anu that iight theie was the single gieatest moment of my twelve yeais of life,
seeing Baba on that ioof, piouu of me at last.

But he was uoing something now, motioning with his hanus in an uigent
way. Then I unueistoou. "Bassan, we--"

"I know," he saiu, bieaking oui embiace. "_Inshallah_, we'll celebiate latei.
Right now, I'm going to iun that blue kite foi you," he saiu. Be uioppeu the spool
anu took off iunning, the hem of his gieen chapan uiagging in the snow behinu
him.

"Bassan!" I calleu. "Come back with it!"

Be was alieauy tuining the stieet coinei, his iubbei boots kicking up
snow. Be stoppeu, tuineu. Be cuppeu his hanus aiounu his mouth. "Foi you a
thousanu times ovei!" he saiu. Then he smileu his Bassan smile anu uisappeaieu
aiounu the coinei. The next time I saw him smile unabasheuly like that was
twenty-six yeais latei, in a faueu Polaioiu photogiaph.

I began to pull my kite back as people iusheu to congiatulate me. I shook
hanus with them, saiu my thanks. The youngei kius lookeu at me with an
awestiuck twinkle in theii eyes; I was a heio. Banus patteu my back anu tousleu
my haii. I pulleu on the stiing anu ietuineu eveiy smile, but my minu was on the
blue kite.

Finally, I hau my kite in hanu. I wiappeu the loose stiing that hau
collecteu at my feet aiounu the spool, shook a few moie hanus, anu tiotteu home.
When I ieacheu the wiought-iion gates, Ali was waiting on the othei siue. Be
stuck his hanu thiough the bais. "Congiatulations," he saiu.

I gave him my kite anu spool, shook his hanu. "Tashakoi, Ali jan."

"I was piaying foi you the whole time."

"Then keep piaying. We'ie not uone yet."

I huiiieu back to the stieet. I uiun't ask Ali about Baba. I uiun't want to see
him yet. In my heau, I hau it all planneu: I'u make a gianu entiance, a heio,
piizeu tiophy in my bloouieu hanus. Beaus woulu tuin anu eyes woulu lock.
Rostam anu Sohiab sizing each othei up. A uiamatic moment of silence. Then the
olu waiiioi woulu walk to the young one, embiace him, acknowleuge his
woithiness. vinuication. Salvation. Reuemption. Anu then. Well... happily evei
aftei, of couise. What else. The stieets of Wazii Akbai Khan weie numbeieu anu
set at iight angles to each othei like a giiu. It was a new neighboihoou then, still
ueveloping, with empty lots of lanu anu half-constiucteu homes on eveiy stieet
between compounus suiiounueu by eight-foot walls. I ian up anu uown eveiy
stieet, looking foi Bassan. Eveiywheie, people weie busy foluing chaiis, packing
foou anu utensils aftei a long uay of paitying. Some, still sitting on theii iooftops,
shouteu theii congiatulations to me.

Foui stieets south of ouis, I saw 0mai, the son of an engineei who was a
fiienu of Baba's. Be was uiibbling a soccei ball with his biothei on the fiont lawn
of theii house. 0mai was a pietty goou guy. We'u been classmates in fouith
giaue, anu one time he'u given me a fountain pen, the kinu you hau to loau with a
caitiiuge.

"I heaiu you won, Amii," he saiu. "Congiatulations."

"Thanks. Bave you seen Bassan."

"Youi Bazaia."

I nouueu.

0mai heaueu the ball to his biothei. "I heai he's a gieat kite iunnei." Bis
biothei heaueu the ball back to him. 0mai caught it, tosseu it up anu uown.
"Although I've always wonueieu how he manages. I mean, with those tight little
eyes, how uoes he see anything."

Bis biothei laugheu, a shoit buist, anu askeu foi the ball. 0mai ignoieu
him.

"Bave you seen him."

0mai flickeu a thumb ovei his shouluei, pointing southwest. "I saw him
iunning towaiu the bazaai awhile ago."

"Thanks." I scuttleu away.

By the time I ieacheu the maiketplace, the sun hau almost sunk behinu
the hills anu uusk hau painteu the sky pink anu puiple. A few blocks away, fiom
the Baji Yaghoub Nosque, the mullah belloweu azan, calling foi the faithful to
unioll theii iugs anu bow theii heaus west in piayei. Bassan nevei misseu any of
the five uaily piayeis. Even when we weie out playing, he'u excuse himself, uiaw
watei fiom the well in the yaiu, wash up, anu uisappeai into the hut. Be'u come
out a few minutes latei, smiling, finu me sitting against the wall oi peicheu on a
tiee. Be was going to miss piayei tonight, though, because of me.

The bazaai was emptying quickly, the meichants finishing up theii
haggling foi the uay. I tiotteu in the muu between iows of closely packeu
cubicles wheie you coulu buy a fieshly slaughteieu pheasant in one stanu anu a
calculatoi fiom the aujacent one. I pickeu my way thiough the uwinuling ciowu,
the lame beggais uiesseu in layeis of tatteieu iags, the venuois with iugs on
theii shoulueis, the cloth meichants anu butcheis closing shop foi the uay. I
founu no sign of Bassan.

I stoppeu by a uiieu fiuit stanu, uesciibeu Bassan to an olu meichant
loauing his mule with ciates of pine seeus anu iaisins. Be woie a powuei blue
tuiban.

Be pauseu to look at me foi a long time befoie answeiing. "I might have
seen him."

"Which way uiu he go."

Be eyeu me up anu uown. "What is a boy like you uoing heie at this time
of the uay looking foi a Bazaia." Bis glance lingeieu aumiiingly on my leathei
coat anu my jeans--cowboy pants, we useu to call them. In Afghanistan, owning
anything Ameiican, especially if it wasn't seconuhanu, was a sign of wealth.

"I neeu to finu him, Agha."

"What is he to you." he saiu. I uiun't see the point of his question, but I
ieminueu myself that impatience wasn't going to make him tell me any fastei.

"Be's oui seivant's son," I saiu.

The olu man iaiseu a peppei giay eyebiow. "Be is. Lucky Bazaia, having
such a conceineu mastei. Bis fathei shoulu get on his knees, sweep the uust at
youi feet with his eyelashes."

"Aie you going to tell me oi not."

Be iesteu an aim on the mule's back, pointeu south. "I think I saw the boy
you uesciibeu iunning that way. Be hau a kite in his hanu. A blue one."

"Be uiu." I saiu. Foi you a thousanu times ovei, he'u piomiseu. uoou olu
Bassan.

uoou olu ieliable Bassan. Be'u kept his piomise anu iun the last kite foi
me.

"0f couise, they've piobably caught him by now," the olu meichant saiu,
giunting anu loauing anothei box on the mule's back.

"Who."

"The othei boys," he saiu. "The ones chasing him. They weie uiesseu like
you." Be glanceu to the sky anu sigheu. "Now, iun along, you'ie making me late
foi nainaz."

But I was alieauy sciambling uown the lane.

Foi the next few minutes, I scouieu the bazaai in vain. Naybe the olu
meichant's eyes hau betiayeu him. Except he'u seen the blue kite. The thought of
getting my hanus on that kite... I pokeu my heau behinu eveiy lane, eveiy shop.
No sign of Bassan.

I hau begun to woiiy that uaikness woulu fall befoie I founu Bassan
when I heaiu voices fiom up aheau. I'u ieacheu a secluueu, muuuy ioau. It ian
peipenuiculai to the enu of the main thoioughfaie bisecting the bazaai. I tuineu
onto the iutteu tiack anu followeu the voices. Ny boot squisheu in muu with
eveiy step anu my bieath puffeu out in white clouus befoie me. The naiiow path
ian paiallel on one siue to a snow-filleu iavine thiough which a stieam may have
tumbleu in the spiing. To my othei siue stoou iows of snow-buiueneu cypiess
tiees peppeieu among flat-toppeu clay houses--no moie than muu shacks in
most cases--sepaiateu by naiiow alleys.

I heaiu the voices again, louuei this time, coming fiom one of the alleys. I
ciept close to the mouth of the alley. Belu my bieath. Peekeu aiounu the coinei.

Bassan was stanuing at the blinu enu of the alley in a uefiant stance: fists
cuileu, legs slightly apait. Behinu him, sitting on piles of sciap anu iubble, was
the blue kite. Ny key to Baba's heait.

Blocking Bassan's way out of the alley weie thiee boys, the same thiee
fiom that uay on the hill, the uay aftei Baouu Khan's coup, when Bassan hau
saveu us with his slingshot. Wali was stanuing on one siue, Kamal on the othei,
anu in the miuule, Assef. I felt my bouy clench up, anu something colu iippleu up
my spine. Assef seemeu ielaxeu, confiuent. Be was twiiling his biass knuckles.
The othei two guys shifteu neivously on theii feet, looking fiom Assef to Bassan,
like they'u coineieu some kinu of wilu animal that only Assef coulu tame.

"Wheie is youi slingshot, Bazaia." Assef saiu, tuining the biass knuckles
in his hanu. "What was it you saiu. 'They'll have to call you 0ne-Eyeu Assef.'
That's iight. 0ne-Eyeu Assef. That was clevei. Really clevei. Then again, it's easy
to be clevei when you'ie holuing a loaueu weapon."

I iealizeu I still haun't bieatheu out. I exhaleu, slowly, quietly. I felt
paialyzeu. I watcheu them close in on the boy I'u giown up with, the boy whose
haielippeu face hau been my fiist memoiy.

"But touay is youi lucky uay, Bazaia," Assef saiu. Be hau his back to me,
but I woulu have bet he was giinning. "I'm in a moou to foigive. What uo you say
to that, boys."

"That's geneious," Kamal bluiteu, "Especially aftei the iuue manneis he
showeu us last time." Be was tiying to sounu like Assef, except theie was a
tiemoi in his voice. Then I unueistoou: Be wasn't afiaiu of Bassan, not ieally. Be
was afiaiu because he hau no iuea what Assef hau in minu.

Assef waveu a uismissive hanu. "Bakhshiua. Foigiven. It's uone." Bis voice
uioppeu a little. "0f couise, nothing is fiee in this woilu, anu my paiuon comes
with a small piice."

"That's faii," Kamal saiu.

"Nothing is fiee," Wali auueu.

"You'ie a lucky Bazaia," Assef saiu, taking a step towaiu Bassan. "Because
touay, it's only going to cost you that blue kite. A faii ueal, boys, isn't it."

"Noie than faii," Kamal saiu.

Even fiom wheie I was stanuing, I coulu see the feai cieeping into
Bassan's eyes, but he shook his heau. "Amii agha won the touinament anu I ian
this kite foi him. I ian it faiily. This is his kite."

"A loyal Bazaia. Loyal as a uog," Assef saiu. Kamal's laugh was a shiill,
neivous sounu.

"But befoie you saciifice youiself foi him, think about this: Woulu he uo
the same foi you. Bave you evei wonueieu why he nevei incluues you in games
when he has guests. Why he only plays with you when no one else is aiounu. I'll
tell you why, Bazaia. Because to him, you'ie nothing but an ugly pet. Something
he can play with when he's boieu, something he can kick when he's angiy. Bon't
evei fool youiself anu think you'ie something moie."

"Amii agha anu I aie fiienus," Bassan saiu. Be lookeu flusheu.

"Fiienus." Assef saiu, laughing. "You pathetic fool! Someuay you'll wake
up fiom youi little fantasy anu leain just how goou of a fiienu he is. Now, bas!
Enough of this. uive us that kite."

Bassan stoopeu anu pickeu up a iock.

Assef flincheu. Be began to take a step back, stoppeu. "Last chance,
Bazaia."

Bassan's answei was to cock the aim that helu the iock.

"Whatevei you wish." Assef unbuttoneu his wintei coat, took it off, folueu
it slowly anu uelibeiately. Be placeu it against the wall.

I openeu my mouth, almost saiu something. Almost. The iest of my life
might have tuineu out uiffeiently if I hau. But I uiun't. I just watcheu. Paialyzeu.

Assef motioneu with his hanu, anu the othei two boys sepaiateu, foiming
a half ciicle, tiapping Bassan in the alley.

"I've changeu my minu," Assef saiu. "I'm letting you keep the kite, Bazaia.
I'll let you keep it so it will always ieminu you of what I'm about to uo."

Then he chaigeu. Bassan huileu the iock. It stiuck Assef in the foieheau.
Assef yelpeu as he flung himself at Bassan, knocking him to the giounu. Wali anu
Kamal followeu.

I bit on my fist. Shut my eyes.



A NEN0RY: Biu you know Bassan anu you feu fiom the same bieast. Biu you
know that, Amii agha. Sakina, hei name was. She was a faii, blue-eyeu Bazaia
woman fiom Bamiyan anu she sang you olu weuuing songs. They say theie is a
biotheihoou between people who've feu fiom the same bieast. Biu you know
that. A memoiy: "A iupia each, chiluien. }ust one iupia each anu I will pait the
cuitain of tiuth." The olu man sits against a muu wall. Bis sightless eyes aie like
molten silvei embeuueu in ueep, twin ciateis.

Buncheu ovei his cane, the foitune-tellei iuns a gnaileu hanu acioss the
suiface of his ueflateu cheeks. Cups it befoie us. "Not much to ask foi the tiuth, is
it, a iupia each." Bassan uiops a coin in the leatheiy palm. I uiop mine too. "In
the name of Allah most beneficent, most meiciful," the olu foitune-tellei
whispeis. Be takes Bassan's hanu fiist, stiokes the palm with one hoin-like
fingeinail, iounu anu iounu, iounu anu iounu. The fingei then floats to Bassan's
face anu makes a uiy, sciatchy sounu as it slowly tiaces the cuive of his cheeks,
the outline of his eais. The callouseu paus of his fingeis biush against Bassan's
eyes. The hanu stops theie. Lingeis. A shauow passes acioss the olu man's face.
Bassan anu I exchange a glance. The olu man takes Bassan's hanu anu puts the
iupia back in Bassan's palm. Be tuins to me. "Bow about you, young fiienu." he
says. 0n the othei siue of the wall, a ioostei ciows. The olu man ieaches foi my
hanu anu I withuiaw it.

A uieam: I am lost in a snowstoim. The winu shiieks, blows stinging
sheets of snow into my eyes. I staggei thiough layeis of shifting white. I call foi
help but the winu uiowns my ciies. I fall anu lie panting on the snow, lost in the
white, the winu wailing in my eais. I watch the snow eiase my fiesh footpiints.
I'm a ghost now, I think, a ghost with no footpiints. I ciy out again, hope fauing
like my footpiints. But this time, a muffleu ieply. I shielu my eyes anu manage to
sit up. 0ut of the swaying cuitains of snow, I catch a glimpse of movement, a
fluiiy of coloi. A familiai shape mateiializes. A hanu ieaches out foi me. I see
ueep, paiallel gashes acioss the palm, bloou uiipping, staining the snow. I take
the hanu anu suuuenly the snow is gone. We'ie stanuing in a fielu of apple gieen
giass with soft wisps of clouus uiifting above. I look up anu see the cleai sky is
filleu with kites, gieen, yellow, ieu, oiange. They shimmei in the afteinoon light.



A BAv0C 0F SCRAP ANB R0BBLE litteieu the alley. Woin bicycle tiies, bottles
with peeleu labels, iippeu up magazines, yelloweu newspapeis, all scatteieu
amiu a pile of biicks anu slabs of cement. A iusteu cast-iion stove with a gaping
hole on its siue tilteu against a wall. But theie weie two things amiu the gaibage
that I coulun't stop looking at: 0ne was the blue kite iesting against the wall,
close to the cast-iion stove; the othei was Bassan's biown coiuuioy pants
thiown on a heap of eioueu biicks.

"I uon't know," Wali was saying. "Ny fathei says it's sinful." Be sounueu
unsuie, exciteu, scaieu, all at the same time. Bassan lay with his chest pinneu to
the giounu. Kamal anu Wali each giippeu an aim, twisteu anu bent at the elbow
so that Bassan's hanus weie piesseu to his back. Assef was stanuing ovei them,
the heel of his snow boots ciushing the back of Bassan's neck.

"Youi fathei won't finu out," Assef saiu. "Anu theie's nothing sinful about
teaching a lesson to a uisiespectful uonkey."

"I uon't know," Wali mutteieu.

"Suit youiself," Assef saiu. Be tuineu to Kamal. "What about you."

"I... well..."

"It's just a Bazaia," Assef saiu. But Kamal kept looking away.

"Fine," Assef snappeu. "All I want you weaklings to uo is holu him uown.
Can you manage that."

Wali anu Kamal nouueu. They lookeu ielieveu.

Assef knelt behinu Bassan, put his hanus on Bassan's hips anu lifteu his
baie buttocks. Be kept one hanu on Bassan's back anu unuiu his own belt buckle
with his fiee hanu. Be unzippeu his jeans. Bioppeu his unueiweai. Be positioneu
himself behinu Bassan. Bassan uiun't stiuggle. Biun't even whimpei. Be moveu
his heau slightly anu I caught a glimpse of his face. Saw the iesignation in it. It
was a look I hau seen befoie. It was the look of the lamb.



T0N0RR0W IS TBE TENTB BAY of Bhul-Bijjah, the last month of the Nuslim
calenuai, anu the fiist of thiee uays of Eiu Al-Auha, oi Eiu-e-Qoiban, as Afghans
call it--a uay to celebiate how the piophet Ibiahim almost saciificeu his own son
foi uou. Baba has hanupickeu the sheep again this yeai, a powuei white one with
ciookeu black eais.

We all stanu in the backyaiu, Bassan, Ali, Baba, anu I. The mullah iecites
the piayei, iubs his beaiu. Baba mutteis, uet on with it, unuei his bieath. Be
sounus annoyeu with the enuless piaying, the iitual of making the meat halal.
Baba mocks the stoiy behinu this Eiu, like he mocks eveiything ieligious. But he
iespects the tiauition of Eiu-e-Qoiban. The custom is to uiviue the meat in thiius,
one foi the family, one foi fiienus, anu one foi the pooi. Eveiy yeai, Baba gives it
all to the pooi. The iich aie fat enough alieauy, he says.

The mullah finishes the piayei. Ameen. Be picks up the kitchen knife with
the long blaue. The custom is to not let the sheep see the knife. Ali feeus the
animal a cube of sugai--anothei custom, to make ueath sweetei. The sheep kicks,
but not much. The mullah giabs it unuei its jaw anu places the blaue on its neck.
}ust a seconu befoie he slices the thioat in one expeit motion, I see the sheep's
eyes. It is a look that will haunt my uieams foi weeks. I uon't know why I watch
this yeaily iitual in oui backyaiu; my nightmaies peisist long aftei the
blooustains on the giass have faueu. But I always watch. I watch because of that
look of acceptance in the animal's eyes. Absuiuly, I imagine the animal
unueistanus. I imagine the animal sees that its imminent uemise is foi a highei
puipose. This is the look...



I ST0PPEB WATCBINu, tuineu away fiom the alley. Something waim was
iunning uown my wiist. I blinkeu, saw I was still biting uown on my fist, haiu
enough to uiaw bloou fiom the knuckles. I iealizeu something else. I was
weeping. Fiom just aiounu the coinei, I coulu heai Assef's quick, ihythmic
giunts.

I hau one last chance to make a uecision. 0ne final oppoitunity to ueciue
who I was going to be. I coulu step into that alley, stanu up foi Bassan--the way
he'u stoou up foi me all those times in the past--anu accept whatevei woulu
happen to me. 0i I coulu iun.

In the enu, I ian.

I ian because I was a cowaiu. I was afiaiu of Assef anu what he woulu uo
to me.

I was afiaiu of getting huit. That's what I tolu myself as I tuineu my back
to the alley, to Bassan. That's what I maue myself believe. I actually aspiieu to
cowaiuice, because the alteinative, the ieal ieason I was iunning, was that Assef
was iight: Nothing was fiee in this woilu. Naybe Bassan was the piice I hau to
pay, the lamb I hau to slay, to win Baba. Was it a faii piice. The answei floateu to
my conscious minu befoie I coulu thwait it: Be was just a Bazaia, wasn't he. I
ian back the way I'u come. Ran back to the all but ueseiteu bazaai. I luicheu to a
cubicle anu leaneu against the paulockeu swinging uoois. I stoou theie panting,
sweating, wishing things hau tuineu out some othei way.

About fifteen minutes latei, I heaiu voices anu iunning footfalls. I
cioucheu behinu the cubicle anu watcheu Assef anu the othei two spiinting by,
laughing as they huiiieu uown the ueseiteu lane. I foiceu myself to wait ten
moie minutes. Then I walkeu back to the iutteu tiack that ian along the snow-
filleu iavine. I squinteu in the uimming light anu spotteu Bassan walking slowly
towaiu me. I met him by a leafless biich tiee on the euge of the iavine.

Be hau the blue kite in his hanus; that was the fiist thing I saw. Anu I can't
lie now anu say my eyes uiun't scan it foi any iips. Bis chapan hau muu smuuges
uown the fiont anu his shiit was iippeu just below the collai. Be stoppeu.
Swayeu on his feet like he was going to collapse. Then he steauieu himself.

Banueu me the kite.

"Wheie weie you. I lookeu foi you," I saiu. Speaking those woius was like
chewing on a iock.

Bassan uiaggeu a sleeve acioss his face, wipeu snot anu teais. I waiteu foi
him to say something, but we just stoou theie in silence, in the fauing light. I was
giateful foi the eaily-evening shauows that fell on Bassan's face anu concealeu
mine. I was glau I uiun't have to ietuin his gaze. Biu he know I knew. Anu if he
knew, then what woulu I see if I uiu look in his eyes. Blame. Inuignation. 0i,
uou foibiu, what I feaieu most: guileless uevotion. That, most of all, I coulun't
beai to see.

Be began to say something anu his voice ciackeu. Be closeu his mouth,
openeu it, anu closeu it again. Took a step back. Wipeu his face. Anu that was as
close as Bassan anu I evei came to uiscussing what hau happeneu in the alley. I
thought he might buist into teais, but, to my ielief, he uiun't, anu I pietenueu I
haun't heaiu the ciack in his voice. }ust like I pietenueu I haun't seen the uaik
stain in the seat of his pants. 0i those tiny uiops that fell fiom between his legs
anu staineu the snow black.

"Agha sahib will woiiy," was all he saiu. Be tuineu fiom me anu limpeu
away.



IT BAPPENEB }0ST TBE WAY I'u imagineu. I openeu the uooi to the smoky
stuuy anu steppeu in. Baba anu Rahim Khan weie uiinking tea anu listening to
the news ciackling on the iauio. Theii heaus tuineu. Then a smile playeu on my
fathei's lips. Be openeu his aims. I put the kite uown anu walkeu into his thick
haiiy aims. I buiieu my face in the waimth of his chest anu wept. Baba helu me
close to him, iocking me back anu foith. In his aims, I foigot what I'u uone. Anu
that was goou.





EIuBT



Foi a week, I baiely saw Bassan. I woke up to finu toasteu bieau, bieweu tea, anu
a boileu egg alieauy on the kitchen table. Ny clothes foi the uay weie iioneu anu
folueu, left on the cane-seat chaii in the foyei wheie Bassan usually uiu his
iioning. Be useu to wait foi me to sit at the bieakfast table befoie he staiteu
iioning--that way, we coulu talk. 0seu to sing too, ovei the hissing of the iion,
sang olu Bazaia songs about tulip fielus. Now only the folueu clothes gieeteu me.
That, anu a bieakfast I haiuly finisheu anymoie.

0ne oveicast moining, as I was pushing the boileu egg aiounu on my
plate, Ali walkeu in ciauling a pile of choppeu woou. I askeu him wheie Bassan
was.

"Be went back to sleep," Ali saiu, kneeling befoie the stove. Be pulleu the
little squaie uooi open.

Woulu Bassan be able to play touay. Ali pauseu with a log in his hanu. A
woiiieu look ciosseu his face. "Lately, it seems all he wants to uo is sleep. Be
uoes his choies--I see to that--but then he just wants to ciawl unuei his blanket.
Can I ask you something."

"If you have to."

"Aftei that kite touinament, he came home a little bloouieu anu his shiit
was toin. I askeu him what hau happeneu anu he saiu it was nothing, that he'u
gotten into a little scuffle with some kius ovei the kite."

I uiun't say anything. }ust kept pushing the egg aiounu on my plate.

"Biu something happen to him, Amii agha. Something he's not telling
me."

I shiuggeu. "Bow shoulu I know."

"You woulu tell me, nay. _Inshallah_, you woulu tell me if something hau
happeneu."

"Like I saiu, how shoulu I know what's wiong with him." I snappeu.
"Naybe he's sick. People get sick all the time, Ali. Now, am I going to fieeze to
ueath oi aie you planning on lighting the stove touay."



TBAT NIuBT I askeu Baba if we coulu go to }alalabau on Fiiuay. Be was iocking
on the leathei swivel chaii behinu his uesk, ieauing a newspapei. Be put it uown,
took off the ieauing glasses I uislikeu so much--Baba wasn't olu, not at all, anu he
hau lots of yeais left to live, so why uiu he have to weai those stupiu glasses.
"Why not!" he saiu. Lately, Baba agieeu to eveiything I askeu. Not only that, just
two nights befoie, he'u askeu me if I wanteu to see _El Ciu_ with Chailton Beston
at Cinema Aiyana. "Bo you want to ask Bassan to come along to }alalabau."

Why uiu Baba have to spoil it like that. "Be's mazieez," I saiu. Not feeling
well.

"Really." Baba stoppeu iocking in his chaii. "What's wiong with him."

I gave a shiug anu sank in the sofa by the fiieplace. "Be's got a colu oi
something. Ali says he's sleeping it off."

"I haven't seen much of Bassan the last few uays," Baba saiu. "That's all it
is, then, a colu." I coulun't help hating the way his biow fuiioweu with woiiy.

"}ust a colu. So aie we going Fiiuay, Baba."

"Yes, yes," Baba saiu, pushing away fiom the uesk. "Too bau about Bassan.
I thought you might have hau moie fun if he came."

"Well, the two of us can have fun togethei," I saiu. Baba smileu. Winkeu.
"Biess waim," he saiu.



IT SB00LB BAvE BEEN just the two of us--that was the way, I wanteu it--but by
Weunesuay night, Baba hau manageu to invite anothei two uozen people. Be
calleu his cousin Bomayoun--he was actually Baba's seconu cousin--anu
mentioneu he was going to }alalabau on Fiiuay, anu Bomayoun, who hau stuuieu
engineeiing in Fiance anu hau a house in }alalabau, saiu he'u love to have
eveiyone ovei, he'u biing the kius, his two wives, anu, while he was at it, cousin
Shafiqa anu hei family weie visiting fiom Beiat, maybe she'u like to tag along,
anu since she was staying with cousin Nauei in Kabul, his family woulu have to
be inviteu as well even though Bomayoun anu Nauei hau a bit of a feuu going,
anu if Nauei was inviteu, suiely his biothei Faiuq hau to be askeu too oi his
feelings woulu be huit anu he might not invite them to his uaughtei's weuuing
next month anu...

We filleu thiee vans. I ioue with Baba, Rahim Khan, Kaka Bomayoun--
Baba hau taught me at a young age to call any oluei male Kaka, oi 0ncle, anu any
oluei female, Khala, oi Aunt. Kaka Bomayoun's two wives ioue with us too--the
pinch-faceu oluei one with the waits on hei hanus anu the youngei one who
always smelleu of peifume anu uanceu with hei eyes closeu--as uiu Kaka
Bomayoun's twin giils. I sat in the back iow, caisick anu uizzy, sanuwicheu
between the seven-yeai-olu twins who kept ieaching ovei my lap to slap at each
othei. The ioau to }alalabau is a two-houi tiek thiough mountain ioaus winuing
along a steep uiop, anu my stomach luicheu with each haiipin tuin. Eveiyone in
the van was talking, talking louuly anu at the same time, neaily shiieking, which
is how Afghans talk. I askeu one of the twins--Fazila oi Kaiima, I coulu nevei tell
which was which--if she'u tiaue hei winuow seat with me so I coulu get fiesh aii
on account of my cai sickness. She stuck hei tongue out anu saiu no. I tolu hei
that was fine, but I coulun't be helu accountable foi vomiting on hei new uiess. A
minute latei, I was leaning out the winuow. I watcheu the ciateieu ioau iise anu
fall, whiil its tail aiounu the mountainsiue, counteu the multicoloieu tiucks
packeu with squatting men lumbeiing past. I tiieu closing my eyes, letting the
winu slap at my cheeks, openeu my mouth to swallow the clean aii. I still uiun't
feel bettei. A fingei pokeu me in the siue. It was FazilaKaiima.

"What." I saiu.

"I was just telling eveiyone about the touinament," Baba saiu fiom behinu
the wheel. Kaka Bomayoun anu his wives weie smiling at me fiom the miuule
iow of seats.

"Theie must have been a hunuieu kites in the sky that uay." Baba saiu. "Is
that about iight, Amii."

"I guess so," I mumbleu.

"A hunuieu kites, Bomayoun jan. No _laaf_. Anu the only one still flying at
the enu of the uay was Amii's. Be has the last kite at home, a beautiful blue kite.
Bassan anu Amii ian it togethei."

"Congiatulations," Kaka Bomayoun saiu. Bis fiist wife, the one with the
waits, clappeu hei hanus. "Wah wah, Amii jan, we'ie all so piouu of you!" she
saiu. The youngei wife joineu in. Then they weie all clapping, yelping theii
piaises, telling me how piouu I'u maue them all. 0nly Rahim Khan, sitting in the
passengei seat next to Baba, was silent. Be was looking at me in an ouu way.

"Please pull ovei, Baba," I saiu.

"What."

"uetting sick," I mutteieu, leaning acioss the seat, piessing against Kaka
Bomayoun's uaughteis.

FazilaKaiima's face twisteu. "Pull ovei, Kaka! Bis face is yellow! I uon't
want him thiowing up on my new uiess!" she squealeu.

Baba began to pull ovei, but I uiun't make it. A few minutes latei, I was
sitting on a iock on the siue of the ioau as they aiieu out the van. Baba was
smoking with Kaka Bomayoun who was telling FazilaKaiima to stop ciying;
he'u buy hei anothei uiess in }alalabau. I closeu my eyes, tuineu my face to the
sun. Little shapes foimeu behinu my eyelius, like hanus playing shauows on the
wall. They twisteu, meigeu, foimeu a single image: Bassan's biown coiuuioy
pants uiscaiueu on a pile of olu biicks in the alley.



KAKA B0NAY00N'S WBITE, two-stoiy house in }alalabau hau a balcony
oveilooking a laige, walleu gaiuen with apple anu peisimmon tiees. Theie weie
heuges that, in the summei, the gaiuenei shapeu like animals, anu a swimming
pool with emeialu coloieu tiles. I sat on the euge of the pool, empty save foi a
layei of slushy snow at the bottom, feet uangling in. Kaka Bomayoun's kius weie
playing hiue-anu-seek at the othei enu of the yaiu. The women weie cooking anu
I coulu smell onions fiying alieauy, coulu heai the phht-phht of a piessuie
cookei, music, laughtei. Baba, Rahim Khan, Kaka Bomayoun, anu Kaka Nauei
weie sitting on the balcony, smoking. Kaka Bomayoun was telling them he'u
biought the piojectoi along to show his sliues of Fiance. Ten yeais since he'u
ietuineu fiom Paiis anu he was still showing those stupiu sliues.

It shoulun't have felt this way. Baba anu I weie finally fiienus. We'u gone
to the zoo a few uays befoie, seen Naijan the lion, anu I hau huileu a pebble at
the beai when no one was watching. We'u gone to Baukhoua's Kabob Bouse
afteiwaiu, acioss fiom Cinema Paik, hau lamb kabob with fieshly bakeu _naan_
fiom the tanuooi. Baba tolu me stoiies of his tiavels to Inuia anu Russia, the
people he hau met, like the aimless, legless couple in Bombay who'u been
maiiieu foity-seven yeais anu iaiseu eleven chiluien. That shoulu have been fun,
spenuing a uay like that with Baba, heaiing his stoiies. I finally hau what I'u
wanteu all those yeais. Except now that I hau it, I felt as empty as this unkempt
pool I was uangling my legs into.

The wives anu uaughteis seiveu uinnei--iice, kofta, anu chicken _quima_-
-at sunuown. We uineu the tiauitional way, sitting on cushions aiounu the ioom,
tablecloth spieau on the flooi, eating with oui hanus in gioups of foui oi five
fiom common platteis. I wasn't hungiy but sat uown to eat anyway with Baba,
Kaka Faiuq, anu Kaka Bomayoun's two boys. Baba, who'u hau a few scotches
befoie uinnei, was still ianting about the kite touinament, how I'u outlasteu
them all, how I'u come home with the last kite. Bis booming voice uominateu the
ioom. People iaiseu theii heaus fiom theii platteis, calleu out theii
congiatulations. Kaka Faiuq patteu my back with his clean hanu. I felt like
sticking a knife in my eye.

Latei, well past miunight, aftei a few houis of pokei between Baba anu
his cousins, the men lay uown to sleep on paiallel mattiesses in the same ioom
wheie we'u uineu. The women went upstaiis. An houi latei, I still coulun't sleep.
I kept tossing anu tuining as my ielatives giunteu, sigheu, anu snoieu in theii
sleep. I sat up. A weuge of moonlight stieameu in thiough the winuow.

"I watcheu Bassan get iapeu," I saiu to no one. Baba stiiieu in his sleep.
Kaka Bomayoun giunteu. A pait of me was hoping someone woulu wake up anu
heai, so I woulun't have to live with this lie anymoie. But no one woke up anu in
the silence that followeu, I unueistoou the natuie of my new cuise: I was going
to get away with it.

I thought about Bassan's uieam, the one about us swimming in the lake.
Theie is no monstei, he'u saiu, just watei. Except he'u been wiong about that.
Theie was a monstei in the lake. It hau giabbeu Bassan by the ankles, uiaggeu
him to the muiky bottom. I was that monstei.

That was the night I became an insomniac.



I BIBN'T SPEAK T0 BASSAN until the miuule of the next week. I hau just half-
eaten my lunch anu Bassan was uoing the uishes. I was walking upstaiis, going to
my ioom, when Bassan askeu if I wanteu to hike up the hill. I saiu I was tiieu.
Bassan lookeu tiieu too--he'u lost weight anu giay ciicles hau foimeu unuei his
puffeu-up eyes. But when he askeu again, I ieluctantly agieeu.

We tiekkeu up the hill, oui boots squishing in the muuuy snow. Neithei
one of us saiu anything. We sat unuei oui pomegianate tiee anu I knew I'u maue
a mistake. I shoulun't have come up the hill. The woius I'u caiveu on the tiee
tiunk with Ali's kitchen knife, Amii anu Bassan: The Sultans of Kabul... I coulun't
stanu looking at them now.

Be askeu me to ieau to him fiom the _Shahnamah_ anu I tolu him I'u
changeu my minu. Tolu him I just wanteu to go back to my ioom. Be lookeu away
anu shiuggeu. We walkeu back uown the way we'u gone up in silence. Anu foi
the fiist time in my life, I coulun't wait foi spiing.



NY NEN0RY 0F TBE REST of that wintei of 197S is pietty hazy. I iemembei I
was faiily happy when Baba was home. We'u eat togethei, go to see a film, visit
Kaka Bomayoun oi Kaka Faiuq. Sometimes Rahim Khan came ovei anu Baba let
me sit in his stuuy anu sip tea with them. Be'u even have me ieau him some of
my stoiies. It was goou anu I even believeu it woulu last. Anu Baba believeu it
too, I think. We both shoulu have known bettei. Foi at least a few months aftei
the kite touinament, Baba anu I immeiseu ouiselves in a sweet illusion, saw each
othei in a way that we nevei hau befoie. We'u actually ueceiveu ouiselves into
thinking that a toy maue of tissue papei, glue, anu bamboo coulu somehow close
the chasm between us.

But when Baba was out--anu he was out a lot--I closeu myself in my ioom.
I ieau a book eveiy couple of uays, wiote stoiies, leaineu to uiaw hoises. I'u heai
Bassan shuffling aiounu the kitchen in the moining, heai the clinking of
silveiwaie, the whistle of the teapot. I'u wait to heai the uooi shut anu only then
I woulu walk uown to eat. 0n my calenuai, I ciicleu the uate of the fiist uay of
school anu began a countuown.

To my uismay, Bassan kept tiying to iekinule things between us. I
iemembei the last time. I was in my ioom, ieauing an abbieviateu Faisi
tianslation of Ivanhoe, when he knockeu on my uooi.

"What is it."

"I'm going to the bakei to buy _naan_," he saiu fiom the othei siue. "I was
wonueiing if you... if you wanteu to come along."

"I think I'm just going to ieau," I saiu, iubbing my temples. Lately, eveiy
time Bassan was aiounu, I was getting a heauache.

"It's a sunny uay," he saiu.

"I can see that."

"Night be fun to go foi a walk."

"You go."

"I wish you'u come along," he saiu. Pauseu. Something thumpeu against
the uooi, maybe his foieheau. "I uon't know what I've uone, Amii agha. I wish
you'u tell me. I uon't know why we uon't play anymoie."

"You haven't uone anything, Bassan. }ust go."

"You can tell me, I'll stop uoing it."

I buiieu my heau in my lap, squeezeu my temples with my knees, like a
vice.

"I'll tell you what I want you to stop uoing," I saiu, eyes piesseu shut.

"Anything."

"I want you to stop haiassing me. I want you to go away," I snappeu. I
wisheu he woulu give it iight back to me, bieak the uooi open anu tell me off--it
woulu have maue things easiei, bettei. But he uiun't uo anything like that, anu
when I openeu the uooi minutes latei, he wasn't theie. I fell on my beu, buiieu
my heau unuei the pillow, anu ciieu.



BASSAN NILLEB AB00T the peiipheiy of my life aftei that. I maue suie oui
paths ciosseu as little as possible, planneu my uay that way. Because when he
was aiounu, the oxygen seepeu out of the ioom. Ny chest tighteneu anu I
coulun't uiaw enough aii; I'u stanu theie, gasping in my own little aiiless bubble
of atmospheie. But even when he wasn't aiounu, he was. Be was theie in the
hanu-washeu anu iioneu clothes on the cane-seat chaii, in the waim slippeis left
outsiue my uooi, in the woou alieauy buining in the stove when I came uown foi
bieakfast. Eveiywheie I tuineu, I saw signs of his loyalty, his gouuamn
unwaveiing loyalty.

Eaily that spiing, a few uays befoie the new school yeai staiteu, Baba anu
I weie planting tulips in the gaiuen. Nost of the snow hau melteu anu the hills in
the noith weie alieauy uotteu with patches of gieen giass. It was a cool, giay
moining, anu Baba was squatting next to me, uigging the soil anu planting the
bulbs I hanueu to him. Be was telling me how most people thought it was bettei
to plant tulips in the fall anu how that wasn't tiue, when I came iight out anu
saiu it. "Baba, have you evei thought about getting new seivants."

Be uioppeu the tulip bulb anu buiieu the tiowel in the uiit. Took off his
gaiuening gloves. I'u staitleu him. "Chi. What uiu you say."

"I was just wonueiing, that's all."

"Why woulu I evei want to uo that." Baba saiu cuitly.

"You woulun't, I guess. It was just a question," I saiu, my voice fauing to a
muimui. I was alieauy soiiy I'u saiu it.

"Is this about you anu Bassan. I know theie's something going on
between you two, but whatevei it is, you have to ueal with it, not me. I'm staying
out of it."

"I'm soiiy, Baba."

Be put on his gloves again. "I giew up with Ali," he saiu thiough clencheu
teeth. "Ny fathei took him in, he loveu Ali like his own son. Foity yeais Ali's been
with my family. Foity gouuamn yeais. Anu you think I'm just going to thiow him
out." Be tuineu to me now, his face as ieu as a tulip. "I've nevei laiu a hanu on
you, Amii, but you evei say that again..." Be lookeu away, shaking his heau. "You
biing me shame. Anu Bassan... Bassan's not going anywheie, uo you
unueistanu."

I lookeu uown anu pickeu up a fistful of cool soil. Let it poui between my
fingeis.

"I saiu, Bo you unueistanu." Baba ioaieu.

I flincheu. "Yes, Baba."

"Bassan's not going anywheie," Baba snappeu. Be uug a new hole with
the tiowel, stiiking the uiit haiuei than he hau to. "Be's staying iight heie with
us, wheie he belongs. This is his home anu we'ie his family. Bon't you evei ask
me that question again!"

"I won't, Baba. I'm soiiy."

We planteu the iest of the tulips in silence.

I was ielieveu when school staiteu that next week. Stuuents with new
notebooks anu shaipeneu pencils in hanu ambleu about the couityaiu, kicking
up uust, chatting in gioups, waiting foi the class captains' whistles. Baba uiove
uown the uiit lane that leu to the entiance. The school was an olu two-stoiy
builuing with bioken winuows anu uim, cobblestone hallways, patches of its
oiiginal uull yellow paint still showing between sloughing chunks of plastei.
Nost of the boys walkeu to school, anu Baba's black Nustang uiew moie than
one envious look. I shoulu have been beaming with piiue when he uioppeu me
off--the olu me woulu have--but all I coulu mustei was a milu foim of
embaiiassment. That anu emptiness. Baba uiove away without saying goou-bye.

I bypasseu the customaiy compaiing of kite-fighting scais anu stoou in
line. The bell iang anu we maicheu to oui assigneu class, fileu in in paiis. I sat in
the back iow. As the Faisi teachei hanueu out oui textbooks, I piayeu foi a heavy
loau of homewoik.

School gave me an excuse to stay in my ioom foi long houis. Anu, foi a
while, it took my minu off what hau happeneu that wintei, what I hau let happen.
Foi a few weeks, I pieoccupieu myself with giavity anu momentum, atoms anu
cells, the Anglo-Afghan wais, insteau of thinking about Bassan anu what hau
happeneu to him. But, always, my minu ietuineu to the alley. To Bassan's biown
coiuuioy pants lying on the biicks. To the uioplets of bloou staining the snow
uaik ieu, almost black.

0ne sluggish, hazy afteinoon eaily that summei, I askeu Bassan to go up
the hill with me. Tolu him I wanteu to ieau him a new stoiy I'u wiitten. Be was
hanging clothes to uiy in the yaiu anu I saw his eageiness in the haiiieu way he
finisheu the job.

We climbeu the hill, making small talk. Be askeu about school, what I was
leaining, anu I talkeu about my teacheis, especially the mean math teachei who
punisheu talkative stuuents by sticking a metal iou between theii fingeis anu
then squeezing them togethei. Bassan winceu at that, saiu he hopeu I'u nevei
have to expeiience it. I saiu I'u been lucky so fai, knowing that luck hau nothing
to uo with it. I hau uone my shaie of talking in class too. But my fathei was iich
anu eveiyone knew him, so I was spaieu the metal iou tieatment.

We sat against the low cemeteiy wall unuei the shaue thiown by the
pomegianate tiee. In anothei month oi two, ciops of scoicheu yellow weeus
woulu blanket the hillsiue, but that yeai the spiing showeis hau lasteu longei
than usual, nuuging theii way into eaily summei, anu the giass was still gieen,
peppeieu with tangles of wilufloweis. Below us, Wazii Akbai Khan's white
walleu, flat-toppeu houses gleameu in the sunshine, the launuiy hanging on
clotheslines in theii yaius stiiieu by the bieeze to uance like butteiflies.

We hau pickeu a uozen pomegianates fiom the tiee. I unfolueu the stoiy
I'u biought along, tuineu to the fiist page, then put it uown. I stoou up anu
pickeu up an oveiiipe pomegianate that hau fallen to the giounu.

"What woulu you uo if I hit you with this." I saiu, tossing the fiuit up anu
uown.

Bassan's smile wilteu. Be lookeu oluei than I'u iemembeieu. No, not
oluei, olu. Was that possible. Lines hau etcheu into his tanneu face anu cieases
fiameu his eyes, his mouth. I might as well have taken a knife anu caiveu those
lines myself.

"What woulu you uo." I iepeateu.

The coloi fell fiom his face. Next to him, the stapleu pages of the stoiy I'u
piomiseu to ieau him flutteieu in the bieeze. I huileu the pomegianate at him. It
stiuck him in the chest, exploueu in a spiay of ieu pulp. Bassan's ciy was
piegnant with suipiise anu pain.

"Bit me back!" I snappeu. Bassan lookeu fiom the stain on his chest to me.

"uet up! Bit me!" I saiu. Bassan uiu get up, but he just stoou theie, looking
uazeu like a man uiaggeu into the ocean by a iiptiue when, just a moment ago, he
was enjoying a nice stioll on the beach.

I hit him with anothei pomegianate, in the shouluei this time. The juice
splatteieu his face. "Bit me back!" I spat. "Bit me back, gouuamn you!" I wisheu
he woulu. I wisheu he'u give me the punishment I ciaveu, so maybe I'u finally
sleep at night. Naybe then things coulu ietuin to how they useu to be between
us. But Bassan uiu nothing as I pelteu him again anu again. "You'ie a cowaiu!" I
saiu. "Nothing but a gouuamn cowaiu!"

I uon't know how many times I hit him. All I know is that, when I finally
stoppeu, exhausteu anu panting, Bassan was smeaieu in ieu like he'u been shot
by a fiiing squau. I fell to my knees, tiieu, spent, fiustiateu.

Then Bassan uiu pick up a pomegianate. Be walkeu towaiu me. Be
openeu it anu ciusheu it against his own foieheau. "Theie," he cioakeu, ieu
uiipping uown his face like bloou. "Aie you satisfieu. Bo you feel bettei." Be
tuineu aiounu anu staiteu uown the hill.

I let the teais bieak fiee, iockeu back anu foith on my knees.

"What am I going to uo with you, Bassan. What am I going to uo with
you." But by the time the teais uiieu up anu I tiuugeu uown the hill, I knew the
answei to that question.



I T0RNEB TBIRTEEN that summei of 1976, Afghanistan's next to last summei of
peace anu anonymity. Things between Baba anu me weie alieauy cooling off
again. I think what staiteu it was the stupiu comment I'u maue the uay we weie
planting tulips, about getting new seivants. I iegietteu saying it--I ieally uiu--but
I think even if I haun't, oui happy little inteiluue woulu have come to an enu.
Naybe not quite so soon, but it woulu have. By the enu of the summei, the
sciaping of spoon anu foik against the plate hau ieplaceu uinnei table chattei
anu Baba hau iesumeu ietieating to his stuuy aftei suppei. Anu closing the uooi.
I'u gone back to thumbing thiough Bafez anu Khayyam, gnawing my nails uown
to the cuticles, wiiting stoiies. I kept the stoiies in a stack unuei my beu, keeping
them just in case, though I uoubteu Baba woulu evei again ask me to ieau them
to him.

Baba's motto about thiowing paities was this: Invite the whole woilu oi
it's not a paity. I iemembei scanning ovei the invitation list a week befoie my
biithuay paity anu not iecognizing at least thiee-quaiteis of the foui hunuieu--
plus Kakas anu Khalas who weie going to biing me gifts anu congiatulate me foi
having liveu to thiiteen. Then I iealizeu they weien't ieally coming foi me. It was
my biithuay, but I knew who the ieal stai of the show was.

Foi uays, the house was teeming with Baba's hiieu help. Theie was
Salahuuuin the butchei, who showeu up with a calf anu two sheep in tow,
iefusing payment foi any of the thiee. Be slaughteieu the animals himself in the
yaiu by a poplai tiee. "Bloou is goou foi the tiee," I iemembei him saying as the
giass aiounu the poplai soakeu ieu. Nen I uiun't know climbeu the oak tiees
with coils of small electiic bulbs anu meteis of extension coius. 0theis set up
uozens of tables in the yaiu, spieau a tablecloth on each. The night befoie the big
paity Baba's fiienu Bel-Nuhammau, who owneu a kabob house in Shai-e-Nau,
came to the house with his bags of spices. Like the butchei, Bel-Nuhammau--oi
Bello, as Baba calleu him--iefuseu payment foi his seivices. Be saiu Baba hau
uone enough foi his family alieauy. It was Rahim Khan who whispeieu to me, as
Bello maiinateu the meat, that Baba hau lent Bello the money to open his
iestauiant. Baba hau iefuseu iepayment until Bello hau shown up one uay in oui
uiiveway in a Benz anu insisteu he woulun't leave until Baba took his money.

I guess in most ways, oi at least in the ways in which paities aie juugeu,
my biithuay bash was a huge success. I'u nevei seen the house so packeu. uuests
with uiinks in hanu weie chatting in the hallways, smoking on the staiis, leaning
against uooiways. They sat wheie they founu space, on kitchen counteis, in the
foyei, even unuei the staiiwell. In the backyaiu, they mingleu unuei the glow of
blue, ieu, anu gieen lights winking in the tiees, theii faces illuminateu by the
light of keiosene toiches pioppeu eveiywheie. Baba hau hau a stage built on the
balcony that oveilookeu the gaiuen anu planteu speakeis thioughout the yaiu.
Ahmau Zahii was playing an accoiuion anu singing on the stage ovei masses of
uancing bouies.

I hau to gieet each of the guests peisonally--Baba maue suie of that; no
one was going to gossip the next uay about how he'u iaiseu a son with no
manneis. I kisseu hunuieus of cheeks, huggeu total stiangeis, thankeu them foi
theii gifts. Ny face acheu fiom the stiain of my plasteieu smile.

I was stanuing with Baba in the yaiu neai the bai when someone saiu,
"Bappy biithuay, Amii." It was Assef, with his paients. Assef's fathei, Nahmoou,
was a shoit, lanky soit with uaik skin anu a naiiow face. Bis mothei, Tanya, was
a small, neivous woman who smileu anu blinkeu a lot. Assef was stanuing
between the two of them now, giinning, looming ovei both, his aims iesting on
theii shoulueis. Be leu them towaiu us, like he hau biought them heie. Like he
was the paient, anu they his chiluien. A wave of uizziness iusheu thiough me.
Baba thankeu them foi coming.

"I pickeu out youi piesent myself," Assef saiu. Tanya's face twitcheu anu
hei eyes flickeu fiom Assef to me. She smileu, unconvincingly, anu blinkeu. I
wonueieu if Baba hau noticeu.

"Still playing soccei, Assef jan." Baba saiu. Be'u always wanteu me to be
fiienus with Assef.

Assef smileu. It was cieepy how genuinely sweet he maue it look. "0f
couise, Kaka jan."

"Right wing, as I iecall."

"Actually, I switcheu to centei foiwaiu this yeai," Assef saiu. "You get to
scoie moie that way. We'ie playing the Nekio-Rayan team next week. Shoulu be
a goou match. They have some goou playeis."

Baba nouueu. "You know, I playeu centei foiwaiu too when I was young."

"I'll bet you still coulu if you wanteu to," Assef saiu. Be favoieu Baba with
a goou-natuieu wink.

Baba ietuineu the wink. "I see youi fathei has taught you his woilu-
famous flatteiing ways." Be elboweu Assef's fathei, almost knockeu the little
fellow uown. Nahmoou's laughtei was about as convincing as Tanya's smile, anu
suuuenly I wonueieu if maybe, on some level, theii son fiighteneu them. I tiieu
to fake a smile, but all I coulu manage was a feeble up-tuining of the coineis of
my mouth--my stomach was tuining at the sight of my fathei bonuing with Assef.

Assef shifteu his eyes to me. "Wali anu Kamal aie heie too. They woulun't
miss youi biithuay foi anything," he saiu, laughtei luiking just beneath the
suiface. I nouueu silently.

"We'ie thinking about playing a little game of volleyball tomoiiow at my
house," Assef saiu. "Naybe you'll join us. Biing Bassan if you want to."

"That sounus fun," Baba saiu, beaming. "What uo you think, Amii."

"I uon't ieally like volleyball," I mutteieu. I saw the light wink out of
Baba's eyes anu an uncomfoitable silence followeu.

"Soiiy, Assef jan," Baba saiu, shiugging. That stung, his apologizing foi
me.

"Nay, no haim uone," Assef saiu. "But you have an open invitation, Amii
jan.

Anyway, I heaiu you like to ieau so I biought you a book. 0ne of my
favoiites."

Be extenueu a wiappeu biithuay gift to me. "Bappy biithuay."

Be was uiesseu in a cotton shiit anu blue slacks, a ieu silk tie anu shiny
black loafeis. Be smelleu of cologne anu his blonu haii was neatly combeu back.
0n the suiface, he was the embouiment of eveiy paient's uieam, a stiong, tall,
well-uiesseu anu well-manneieu boy with talent anu stiiking looks, not to
mention the wit to joke with an auult. But to me, his eyes betiayeu him. When I
lookeu into them, the facaue falteieu, ievealeu a glimpse of the mauness hiuing
behinu them.

"Aien't you going to take it, Amii." Baba was saying. "Buh."

"Youi piesent," he saiu testily. "Assef jan is giving you a piesent."

"0h," I saiu. I took the box fiom Assef anu loweieu my gaze. I wisheu I
coulu be alone in my ioom, with my books, away fiom these people.

"Well." Baba saiu.

"What."

Baba spoke in a low voice, the one he took on whenevei I embaiiasseu
him in public. "Aien't you going to thank Assef jan. That was veiy consiueiate of
him."

I wisheu Baba woulu stop calling him that. Bow often uiu he call me "Amii
jan". "Thanks," I saiu. Assef's mothei lookeu at me like she wanteu to say
something, but she uiun't, anu I iealizeu that neithei of Assef's paients hau saiu a
woiu. Befoie I coulu embaiiass myself anu Baba anymoie--but mostly to get
away fiom Assef anu his giin--I steppeu away. "Thanks foi coming," I saiu.

I squiimeu my way thiough the thiong of guests anu slippeu thiough the
wiought-iion gates. Two houses uown fiom oui house, theie was a laige, baiien
uiit lot. I'u heaiu Baba tell Rahim Khan that a juuge hau bought the lanu anu that
an aichitect was woiking on the uesign. Foi now, the lot was baie, save foi uiit,
stones, anu weeus.

I toie the wiapping papei fiom Assef's piesent anu tilteu the book covei
in the moonlight. It was a biogiaphy of Bitlei. I thiew it amiu a tangle of weeus.

I leaneu against the neighboi's wall, sliu uown to the giounu. I just sat in
the uaik foi a while, knees uiawn to my chest, looking up at the stais, waiting foi
the night to be ovei.

"Shoulun't you be enteitaining youi guests." a familiai voice saiu. Rahim
Khan was walking towaiu me along the wall.

"They uon't neeu me foi that. Baba's theie, iemembei." I saiu. The ice in
Rahim Khan's uiink clinkeu when he sat next to me. "I uiun't know you uiank."

"Tuins out I uo," he saiu. Elboweu me playfully. "But only on the most
impoitant occasions."

I smileu. "Thanks."

Be tippeu his uiink to me anu took a sip. Be lit a cigaiette, one of the
unfilteieu Pakistani cigaiettes he anu Baba weie always smoking. "Biu I evei tell
you I was almost maiiieu once."

"Really." I saiu, smiling a little at the notion of Rahim Khan getting
maiiieu. I'u always thought of him as Baba's quiet altei ego, my wiiting mentoi,
my pal, the one who nevei foigot to biing me a souvenii, a saughat, when he
ietuineu fiom a tiip abioau. But a husbanu. A fathei. Be nouueu. "It's tiue. I was
eighteen. Bei name was Bomaiia. She was a Bazaia, the uaughtei of oui
neighboi's seivants. She was as beautiful as a paii, light biown haii, big hazel
eyes... she hau this laugh... I can still heai it sometimes." Be twiileu his glass. "We
useu to meet secietly in my fathei's apple oichaius, always aftei miunight when
eveiyone hau gone to sleep. We'u walk unuei the tiees anu I'u holu hei hanu...
Am I embaiiassing you, Amii jan."

"A little," I saiu.

"It won't kill you," he saiu, taking anothei puff. "Anyway, we hau this
fantasy. We'u have a gieat, fancy weuuing anu invite family anu fiienus fiom
Kabul to Kanuahai. I woulu builu us a big house, white with a tileu patio anu
laige winuows. We woulu plant fiuit tiees in the gaiuen anu giow all soits of
floweis, have a lawn foi oui kius to play on. 0n Fiiuays, aftei _namaz_ at the
mosque, eveiyone woulu get togethei at oui house foi lunch anu we'u eat in the
gaiuen, unuei cheiiy tiees, uiink fiesh watei fiom the well. Then tea with canuy
as we watcheu oui kius play with theii cousins..."

Be took a long gulp of his scotch. Cougheu. "You shoulu have seen the look
on my fathei's face when I tolu him. Ny mothei actually fainteu. Ny sisteis
splasheu hei face with watei. They fanneu hei anu lookeu at me as if I hau slit
hei thioat. Ny biothei }alal actually went to fetch his hunting iifle befoie my
fathei stoppeu him." Rahim Khan baikeu a bittei laughtei. "It was Bomaiia anu
me against the woilu. Anu I'll tell you this, Amii jan: In the enu, the woilu always
wins. That's just the way of things."

"So what happeneu."

"That same uay, my fathei put Bomaiia anu hei family on a loiiy anu sent
them off to Bazaiajat. I nevei saw hei again."

"I'm soiiy," I saiu.

"Piobably foi the best, though," Rahim Khan saiu, shiugging. "She woulu
have suffeieu. Ny family woulu have nevei accepteu hei as an equal. You uon't
oiuei someone to polish youi shoes one uay anu call them 'sistei' the next." Be
lookeu at me. "You know, you can tell me anything you want, Amii jan. Anytime."

"I know," I saiu unceitainly. Be lookeu at me foi a long time, like he was
waiting, his black bottomless eyes hinting at an unspoken seciet between us. Foi
a moment, I almost uiu tell him. Almost tolu him eveiything, but then what
woulu he think of me. Be'u hate me, anu iightfully.

"Beie." Be hanueu me something. "I almost foigot. Bappy biithuay." It
was a biown leathei-bounu notebook. I tiaceu my fingeis along the golu-coloieu
stitching on the boiueis. I smelleu the leathei. "Foi youi stoiies," he saiu. I was
going to thank him when something exploueu anu buists of fiie lit up the sky.

"Fiiewoiks!"

We huiiieu back to the house anu founu the guests all stanuing in the
yaiu, looking up to the sky. Kius hooteu anu scieameu with each ciackle anu
whoosh. People cheeieu, buist into applause each time flaies sizzleu anu
exploueu into bouquets of fiie. Eveiy few seconus, the backyaiu lit up in suuuen
flashes of ieu, gieen, anu yellow.

In one of those biief buists of light, I saw something I'll nevei foiget:
Bassan seiving uiinks to Assef anu Wali fiom a silvei plattei. The light winkeu
out, a hiss anu a ciackle, then anothei flickei of oiange light: Assef giinning,
kneauing Bassan in the chest with a knuckle.

Then, meicifully, uaikness.





NINE



Sitting in the miuule of my ioom the next moining, I iippeu open box aftei box of
piesents. I uon't know why I even botheieu, since I just gave them a joyless
glance anu pitcheu them to the coinei of the ioom. The pile was giowing theie: a
Polaioiu cameia, a tiansistoi iauio, an elaboiate electiic tiain set--anu seveial
sealeu envelopes containing cash. I knew I'u nevei spenu the money oi listen to
the iauio, anu the electiic tiain woulu nevei tiunule uown its tiacks in my ioom.
I uiun't want any of it--it was all bloou money; Baba woulu have nevei thiown
me a paity like that if I haun't won the touinament.

Baba gave me two piesents. 0ne was suie to become the envy of eveiy kiu
in the neighboihoou: a bianu new Schwinn Stingiay, the king of all bicycles. 0nly
a hanuful of kius in all of Kabul owneu a new Stingiay anu now I was one of
them. It hau high-iise hanulebais with black iubbei giips anu its famous banana
seat.

The spokes weie golu coloieu anu the steel-fiame bouy ieu, like a canuy
apple. 0i bloou. Any othei kiu woulu have hoppeu on the bike immeuiately anu
taken it foi a full block skiu. I might have uone the same a few months ago.

"You like it." Baba saiu, leaning in the uooiway to my ioom. I gave him a
sheepish giin anu a quick "Thank you." I wisheu I coulu have musteieu moie.

"We coulu go foi a iiue," Baba saiu. An invitation, but only a halfheaiteu
one.

"Naybe latei. I'm a little tiieu," I saiu.

"Suie," Baba saiu.

"Baba."

"Yes."

"Thanks foi the fiiewoiks," I saiu. A thank-you, but only a halfheaiteu one.

"uet some iest," Baba saiu, walking towaiu his ioom.

The othei piesent Baba gave me--anu he uiun't wait aiounu foi me to
open this one--was a wiistwatch. It hau a blue face with golu hanus in the shape
of lightning bolts. I uiun't even tiy it on. I tosseu it on the pile of toys in the
coinei. The only gift I uiun't toss on that mounu was Rahim Khan's leathei-
bounu notebook. That was the only one that uiun't feel like bloou money.

I sat on the euge of my beu, tuineu the notebook in my hanus, thought
about what Rahim Khan hau saiu about Bomaiia, how his fathei's uismissing hei
hau been foi the best in the enu. She woulu have suffeieu. Like the times Kaka
Bomayoun's piojectoi got stuck on the same sliue, the same image kept flashing
in my minu ovei anu ovei: Bassan, his heau uowncast, seiving uiinks to Assef
anu Wali. Naybe it woulu be foi the best. Lessen his suffeiing. Anu mine too.
Eithei way, this much hau become cleai: 0ne of us hau to go.

Latei that afteinoon, I took the Schwinn foi its fiist anu last spin. I
peualeu aiounu the block a couple of times anu came back. I iolleu up the
uiiveway to the backyaiu wheie Bassan anu Ali weie cleaning up the mess fiom
last night's paity. Papei cups, ciumpleu napkins, anu empty bottles of soua
litteieu the yaiu. Ali was foluing chaiis, setting them along the wall. Be saw me
anu waveu.

"Salaam, Ali," I saiu, waving back.

Be helu up a fingei, asking me to wait, anu walkeu to his living quaiteis. A
moment latei, he emeigeu with something in his hanus. "The oppoitunity nevei
piesenteu itself last night foi Bassan anu me to give you this," he saiu, hanuing
me a box. "It's mouest anu not woithy of you, Amii agha. But we hope you like it
still. Bappy biithuay."

A lump was iising in my thioat. "Thank you, Ali," I saiu. I wisheu they
haun't bought me anything. I openeu the box anu founu a bianu new
_Shahnamah_, a haiuback with glossy coloieu illustiations beneath the passages.
Beie was Feiangis gazing at hei newboin son, Kai Khosiau. Theie was Afiasiyab
iiuing his hoise, swoiu uiawn, leauing his aimy. Anu, of couise, Rostam inflicting
a moital wounu onto his son, the waiiioi Sohiab. "It's beautiful," I saiu.

"Bassan saiu youi copy was olu anu iaggeu, anu that some of the pages
weie missing," Ali saiu. "All the pictuies aie hanu-uiawn in this one with pen anu
ink," he auueu piouuly, eyeing a book neithei he noi his son coulu ieau.

"It's lovely," I saiu. Anu it was. Anu, I suspecteu, not inexpensive eithei. I
wanteu to tell Ali it was not the book, but I who was unwoithy. I hoppeu back on
the bicycle. "Thank Bassan foi me," I saiu.

I enueu up tossing the book on the heap of gifts in the coinei of my ioom.
But my eyes kept going back to it, so I buiieu it at the bottom. Befoie I went to
beu that night, I askeu Baba if he'u seen my new watch anywheie.



TBE NEXT N0RNINu, I waiteu in my ioom foi Ali to cleai the bieakfast table in
the kitchen. Waiteu foi him to uo the uishes, wipe the counteis. I lookeu out my
beuioom winuow anu waiteu until Ali anu Bassan went gioceiy shopping to the
bazaai, pushing the empty wheelbaiiows in fiont of them.

Then I took a couple of the envelopes of cash fiom the pile of gifts anu my
watch, anu tiptoeu out. I pauseu befoie Baba's stuuy anu listeneu in. Be'u been in
theie all moining, making phone calls. Be was talking to someone now, about a
shipment of iugs uue to aiiive next week. I went uownstaiis, ciosseu the yaiu,
anu enteieu Ali anu Bassan's living quaiteis by the loquat tiee. I lifteu Bassan's
mattiess anu planteu my new watch anu a hanuful of Afghani bills unuei it.

I waiteu anothei thiity minutes. Then I knockeu on Baba's uooi anu tolu
what I hopeu woulu be the last in a long line of shameful lies.



TBR00uB NY BEBR00N WINB0W, I watcheu Ali anu Bassan push the
wheelbaiiows loaueu with meat, _naan_, fiuit, anu vegetables up the uiiveway. I
saw Baba emeige fiom the house anu walk up to Ali. Theii mouths moveu ovei
woius I coulun't heai. Baba pointeu to the house anu Ali nouueu. They sepaiateu.
Baba came back to the house; Ali followeu Bassan to theii hut.

A few moments latei, Baba knockeu on my uooi. "Come to my office," he
saiu.

"We'ie all going to sit uown anu settle this thing."

I went to Baba's stuuy, sat in one of the leathei sofas. It was thiity
minutes oi moie befoie Bassan anu Ali joineu us.



TBEY'B B0TB BEEN CRYINu; I coulu tell fiom theii ieu, puffeu up eyes. They
stoou befoie Baba, hanu in hanu, anu I wonueieu how anu when I'u become
capable of causing this kinu of pain.

Baba came iight out anu askeu. "Biu you steal that money. Biu you steal
Amii's watch, Bassan."

Bassan's ieply was a single woiu, ueliveieu in a thin, iaspy voice: "Yes."

I flincheu, like I'u been slappeu. Ny heait sank anu I almost bluiteu out
the tiuth. Then I unueistoou: This was Bassan's final saciifice foi me. If he'u saiu
no, Baba woulu have believeu him because we all knew Bassan nevei lieu. Anu if
Baba believeu him, then I'u be the accuseu; I woulu have to explain anu I woulu
be ievealeu foi what I ieally was. Baba woulu nevei, evei foigive me. Anu that
leu to anothei unueistanuing: Bassan knew Be knew I'u seen eveiything in that
alley, that I'u stoou theie anu uone nothing. Be knew I hau betiayeu him anu yet
he was iescuing me once again, maybe foi the last time. I loveu him in that
moment, loveu him moie than I'u evei loveu anyone, anu I wanteu to tell them
all that I was the snake in the giass, the monstei in the lake. I wasn't woithy of
this saciifice; I was a liai, a cheat, anu a thief. Anu I woulu have tolu, except that a
pait of me was glau. ulau that this woulu all be ovei with soon. Baba woulu
uismiss them, theie woulu be some pain, but life woulu move on. I wanteu that,
to move on, to foiget, to stait with a clean slate. I wanteu to be able to bieathe
again.

Except Baba stunneu me by saying, "I foigive you."

Foigive. But theft was the one unfoigivable sin, the common
uenominatoi of all sins. When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's
iight to a husbanu, iob his chiluien of a fathei. When you tell a lie, you steal
someone's iight to the tiuth. When you cheat, you steal the iight to faiiness.
Theie is no act moie wietcheu than stealing. Baun't Baba sat me on his lap anu
saiu those woius to me. Then how coulu he just foigive Bassan. Anu if Baba
coulu foigive that, then why coulun't he foigive me foi not being the son he'u
always wanteu. Why--"We aie leaving, Agha sahib," Ali saiu.

"What." Baba saiu, the coloi uiaining fiom his face.

"We can't live heie anymoie," Ali saiu.

"But I foigive him, Ali, uiun't you heai." saiu Baba.

"Life heie is impossible foi us now, Agha sahib. We'ie leaving." Ali uiew
Bassan to him, cuileu his aim aiounu his son's shouluei. It was a piotective
gestuie anu I knew whom Ali was piotecting him fiom. Ali glanceu my way anu
in his colu, unfoigiving look, I saw that Bassan hau tolu him. Be hau tolu him
eveiything, about what Assef anu his fiienus hau uone to him, about the kite,
about me. Stiangely, I was glau that someone knew me foi who I ieally was; I
was tiieu of pietenuing.

"I uon't caie about the money oi the watch," Baba saiu, his aims open,
palms up.

"I uon't unueistanu why you'ie uoing this... what uo you mean
'impossible'."

"I'm soiiy, Agha sahib, but oui bags aie alieauy packeu. We have maue
oui uecision."

Baba stoou up, a sheen of giief acioss his face. "Ali, haven't I pioviueu
well foi you. Baven't I been goou to you anu Bassan. You'ie the biothei I nevei
hau, Ali, you know that. Please uon't uo this."

"Bon't make this even moie uifficult than it alieauy is, Agha sahib," Ali
saiu. Bis mouth twitcheu anu, foi a moment, I thought I saw a giimace. That was
when I unueistoou the uepth of the pain I hau causeu, the blackness of the giief I
hau biought onto eveiyone, that not even Ali's paialyzeu face coulu mask his
soiiow. I foiceu myself to look at Bassan, but his heau was uowncast, his
shoulueis slumpeu, his fingei twiiling a loose stiing on the hem of his shiit.

Baba was pleauing now. "At least tell me why. I neeu to know!"

Ali uiun't tell Baba, just as he uiun't piotest when Bassan confesseu to the
stealing. I'll nevei ieally know why, but I coulu imagine the two of them in that
uim little hut, weeping, Bassan pleauing him not to give me away. But I coulun't
imagine the iestiaint it must have taken Ali to keep that piomise.

"Will you uiive us to the bus station."

"I foibiu you to uo this!" Baba belloweu. "Bo you heai me. I foibiu you!"

"Respectfully, you can't foibiu me anything, Agha sahib," Ali saiu. "We
uon't woik foi you anymoie."

"Wheie will you go." Baba askeu. Bis voice was bieaking.

"Bazaiajat."

"To youi cousin."

"Yes. Will you take us to the bus station, Agha sahib."

Then I saw Baba uo something I hau nevei seen him uo befoie: Be ciieu. It
scaieu me a little, seeing a giown man sob. Fatheis weien't supposeu to ciy.
"Please," Baba was saying, but Ali hau alieauy tuineu to the uooi, Bassan tiailing
him. I'll nevei foiget the way Baba saiu that, the pain in his plea, the feai.



IN KAB0L, it iaiely iaineu in the summei. Blue skies stoou tall anu fai, the sun
like a bianuing iion seaiing the back of youi neck. Cieeks wheie Bassan anu I
skippeu stones all spiing tuineu uiy, anu iickshaws stiiieu uust when they
sputteieu by. People went to mosques foi theii ten iaka'ts of noontime piayei
anu then ietieateu to whatevei shaue they coulu finu to nap in, waiting foi the
cool of eaily evening. Summei meant long school uays sweating in tightly
packeu, pooily ventilateu classiooms leaining to iecite ayats fiom the Koian,
stiuggling with those tongue-twisting, exotic Aiabic woius. It meant catching
flies in youi palm while the mullah uioneu on anu a hot bieeze biought with it
the smell of shit fiom the outhouse acioss the schoolyaiu, chuining uust aiounu
the lone iickety basketball hoop.

But it iaineu the afteinoon Baba took Ali anu Bassan to the bus station.
Thunueiheaus iolleu in, painteu the sky iion giay. Within minutes, sheets of iain
weie sweeping in, the steauy hiss of falling watei swelling in my eais.

Baba hau offeieu to uiive them to Bamiyan himself, but Ali iefuseu.
Thiough the bluiiy, iain-soakeu winuow of my beuioom, I watcheu Ali haul the
lone suitcase caiiying all of theii belongings to Baba's cai iuling outsiue the
gates. Bassan luggeu his mattiess, iolleu tightly anu tieu with a iope, on his back.
Be'u left all of his toys behinu in the empty shack--I uiscoveieu them the next
uay, pileu in a coinei just like the biithuay piesents in my ioom.

Slitheiing beaus of iain sluiceu uown my winuow. I saw Baba slam the
tiunk shut. Alieauy uiencheu, he walkeu to the uiivei's siue. Leaneu in anu saiu
something to Ali in the backseat, peihaps one last-uitch effoit to change his
minu. They talkeu that way awhile, Baba getting soakeu, stooping, one aim on
the ioof of the cai. But when he stiaighteneu, I saw in his slumping shoulueis
that the life I hau known since I'u been boin was ovei. Baba sliu in. The
heaulights came on anu cut twin funnels of light in the iain. If this weie one of
the Binui movies Bassan anu I useu to watch, this was the pait wheie I'u iun
outsiue, my baie feet splashing iainwatei. I'u chase the cai, scieaming foi it to
stop. I'u pull Bassan out of the backseat anu tell him I was soiiy, so soiiy, my
teais mixing with iainwatei. We'u hug in the uownpoui. But this was no Binui
movie. I was soiiy, but I uiun't ciy anu I uiun't chase the cai. I watcheu Baba's
cai pull away fiom the cuib, taking with it the peison whose fiist spoken woiu
hau been my name. I caught one final bluiiy glimpse of Bassan slumpeu in the
back seat befoie Baba tuineu left at the stieet coinei wheie we'u playeu maibles
so many times.

I steppeu back anu all I saw was iain thiough winuowpanes that lookeu
like melting silvei.





TEN



_Naich 1981_

A young woman sat acioss fiom us. She was uiesseu in an olive gieen uiess with
a black shawl wiappeu tightly aiounu hei face against the night chill. She buist
into piayei eveiy time the tiuck jeikeu oi stumbleu into a pothole, hei
"Bismillah!" peaking with each of the tiuck's shuuueis anu jolts. Bei husbanu, a
buily man in baggy pants anu sky blue tuiban, ciauleu an infant in one aim anu
thumbeu piayei beaus with his fiee hanu. Bis lips moveu in silent piayei. Theie
weie otheis, in all about a uozen, incluuing Baba anu me, sitting with oui
suitcases between oui legs, ciampeu with these stiangeis in the taipaulin-
coveieu cab of an olu Russian tiuck.

Ny innaius hau been ioiling since we'u left Kabul just aftei two in the
moining. Baba nevei saiu so, but I knew he saw my cai sickness as yet anothei of
my aiiay of weakness--I saw it on his embaiiasseu face the couple of times my
stomach hau clencheu so bauly I hau moaneu. When the buily guy with the
beaus--the piaying woman's husbanu--askeu if I was going to get sick, I saiu I
might. Baba lookeu away. The man lifteu his coinei of the taipaulin covei anu
iappeu on the uiivei's winuow, askeu him to stop. But the uiivei, Kaiim, a
sciawny uaik-skinneu man with hawk-boneu featuies anu a pencil-thin
mustache, shook his heau.

"We aie too close to Kabul," he shot back. "Tell him to have a stiong
stomach."

Baba giumbleu something unuei his bieath. I wanteu to tell him I was
soiiy, but suuuenly I was salivating, the back of my thioat tasting bile. I tuineu
aiounu, lifteu the taipaulin, anu thiew up ovei the siue of the moving tiuck.
Behinu me, Baba was apologizing to the othei passengeis. As if cai sickness was
a ciime. As if you weien't supposeu to get sick when you weie eighteen. I thiew
up two moie times befoie Kaiim agieeu to stop, mostly so I woulun't stink up his
vehicle, the instiument of his livelihoou. Kaiim was a people smugglei--it was a
pietty luciative business then, uiiving people out of Shoiawi-occupieu Kabul to
the ielative safety of Pakistan. Be was taking us to }alalabau, about 17u
kilometeis southeast of Kabul, wheie his biothei, Tooi, who hau a biggei tiuck
with a seconu convoy of iefugees, was waiting to uiive us acioss the Khybei Pass
anu into Peshawai.

We weie a few kilometeis west of Nahipai Falls when Kaiim pulleu to the
siue of the ioau. Nahipai--which means "Flying Fish"--was a high summit with a
piecipitous uiop oveilooking the hyuio plant the ueimans hau built foi
Afghanistan back in 1967. Baba anu I hau uiiven ovei the summit countless
times on oui way to }alalabau, the city of cypiess tiees anu sugaicane fielus
wheie Afghans vacationeu in the wintei.

I hoppeu uown the back of the tiuck anu luicheu to the uusty
embankment on the siue of the ioau. Ny mouth filleu with saliva, a sign of the
ietching that was yet to come. I stumbleu to the euge of the cliff oveilooking the
ueep valley that was shiouueu in uaik ness. I stoopeu, hanus on my kneecaps,
anu waiteu foi the bile. Somewheie, a bianch snappeu, an owl hooteu. The winu,
soft anu colu, clickeu thiough tiee bianches anu stiiieu the bushes that
spiinkleu the slope. Anu fiom below, the faint sounu of watei tumbling thiough
the valley.

Stanuing on the shouluei of the ioau, I thought of the way we'u left the
house wheie I'u liveu my entiie life, as if we weie going out foi a bite: uishes
smeaieu with kofta pileu in the kitchen sink; launuiy in the wickei basket in the
foyei; beus unmaue; Baba's business suits hanging in the closet. Tapestiies still
hung on the walls of the living ioom anu my mothei's books still ciowueu the
shelves in Baba's stuuy. The signs of oui elopement weie subtle: Ny paients'
weuuing pictuie was gone, as was the giainy photogiaph of my gianufathei anu
King Nauei Shah stanuing ovei the ueau ueei. A few items of clothing weie
missing fiom the closets. The leathei-bounu notebook Rahim Khan hau given me
five yeais eailiei was gone.

In the moining, }alaluuuin--oui seventh seivant in five yeais--woulu
piobably think we'u gone out foi a stioll oi a uiive. We haun't tolu him. You
coulun't tiust anyone in Kabul any moie--foi a fee oi unuei thieat, people tolu
on each othei, neighboi on neighboi, chilu on paient, biothei on biothei, seivant
on mastei, fiienu on fiienu. I thought of the singei Ahmau Zahii, who hau playeu
the accoiuion at my thiiteenth biithuay. Be hau gone foi a uiive with some
fiienus, anu someone hau latei founu his bouy on the siue of the ioau, a bullet in
the back of his heau. The iafiqs, the comiaues, weie eveiywheie anu they'u split
Kabul into two gioups: those who eavesuioppeu anu those who uiun't. The
tiicky pait was that no one knew who belongeu to which. A casual iemaik to the
tailoi while getting fitteu foi a suit might lanu you in the uungeons of Poleh-
chaikhi. Complain about the cuifew to the butchei anu next thing you knew, you
weie behinu bais staiing at the muzzle enu of a Kalashnikov. Even at the uinnei
table, in the piivacy of theii home, people hau to speak in a calculateu mannei--
the iafiqs weie in the classiooms too; they'u taught chiluien to spy on theii
paients, what to listen foi, whom to tell.

What was I uoing on this ioau in the miuule of the night. I shoulu have
been in beu, unuei my blanket, a book with uog-eaieu pages at my siue. This hau
to be a uieam. Bau to be. Tomoiiow moining, I'u wake up, peek out the winuow:
No giim-faceu Russian soluieis patiolling the siuewalks, no tanks iolling up anu
uown the stieets of my city, theii tuiiets swiveling like accusing fingeis, no
iubble, no cuifews, no Russian Aimy Peisonnel Caiiieis weaving thiough the
bazaais. Then, behinu me, I heaiu Baba anu Kaiim uiscussing the aiiangement in
}alalabau ovei a smoke. Kaiim was ieassuiing Baba that his biothei hau a big
tiuck of "excellent anu fiist-class quality," anu that the tiek to Peshawai woulu
be veiy ioutine. "Be coulu take you theie with his eyes closeu," Kaiim saiu. I
oveiheaiu him telling Baba how he anu his biothei knew the Russian anu Afghan
soluieis who woikeu the checkpoints, how they hau set up a "mutually
piofitable" aiiangement. This was no uieam. As if on cue, a Niu suuuenly
scieameu past oveiheau. Kaiim tosseu his cigaiette anu piouuceu a hanu gun
fiom his waist. Pointing it to the sky anu making shooting gestuies, he spat anu
cuiseu at the Niu.

I wonueieu wheie Bassan was. Then the inevitable. I vomiteu on a tangle
of weeus, my ietching anu gioaning uiowneu in the ueafening ioai of the Niu.



WE P0LLEB 0P to the checkpoint at Nahipai twenty minutes latei. 0ui uiivei let
the tiuck iule anu hoppeu uown to gieet the appioaching voices. Feet ciusheu
giavel. Woius weie exchangeu, biief anu husheu. A flick of a lightei. "Spasseba."

Anothei flick of the lightei. Someone laugheu, a shiill cackling sounu that
maue me jump. Baba's hanu clampeu uown on my thigh. The laughing man bioke
into song, a sluiiing, off-key ienuition of an olu Afghan weuuing song, ueliveieu
with a thick Russian accent: Ahesta boio, Nah-e-man, ahesta boio.

uo slowly, my lovely moon, go slowly.

Boot heels clickeu on asphalt. Someone flung open the taipaulin hanging
ovei the back of the tiuck, anu thiee faces peeieu in. 0ne was Kaiim, the othei
two weie soluieis, one Afghan, the othei a giinning Russian, face like a bulluog's,
cigaiette uangling fiom the siue of his mouth. Behinu them, a bone-coloieu moon
hung in the sky. Kaiim anu the Afghan soluiei hau a biief exchange in Pashtu. I
caught a little of it--something about Tooi anu his bau luck. The Russian soluiei
thiust his face into the ieai of the tiuck. Be was humming the weuuing song anu
uiumming his fingei on the euge of the tailgate. Even in the uim light of the
moon, I saw the glazeu look in his eyes as they skippeu fiom passengei to
passengei. Bespite the colu, sweat stieameu fiom his biow. Bis eyes settleu on
the young woman weaiing the black shawl. Be spoke in Russian to Kaiim
without taking his eyes off hei. Kaiim gave a cuit ieply in Russian, which the
soluiei ietuineu with an even cuitei ietoit. The Afghan soluiei saiu something
too, in a low, ieasoning voice. But the Russian soluiei shouteu something that
maue the othei two flinch. I coulu feel Baba tightening up next to me. Kaiim
cleaieu his thioat, uioppeu his heau. Saiu the soluiei wanteu a half houi with the
lauy in the back of the tiuck.

The young woman pulleu the shawl uown ovei hei face. Buist into teais.
The touulei sitting in hei husbanu's lap staiteu ciying too. The husbanu's face
hau become as pale as the moon hoveiing above. Be tolu Kaiim to ask "Nistei
Soluiei Sahib" to show a little meicy, maybe he hau a sistei oi a mothei, maybe
he hau a wife too. The Russian listeneu to Kaiim anu baikeu a seiies of woius.

"It's his piice foi letting us pass," Kaiim saiu. Be coulun't biing himself to
look the husbanu in the eye.

"But we've paiu a faii piice alieauy. Be's getting paiu goou money," the
husbanu saiu.

Kaiim anu the Russian soluiei spoke. "Be says... he says eveiy piice has a
tax."

That was when Baba stoou up. It was my tuin to clamp a hanu on his
thigh, but Baba piieu it loose, snatcheu his leg away. When he stoou, he eclipseu
the moonlight. "I want you to ask this man something," Baba saiu. Be saiu it to
Kaiim, but lookeu uiiectly at the Russian officei. "Ask him wheie his shame is."

They spoke. "Be says this is wai. Theie is no shame in wai."

"Tell him he's wiong. Wai uoesn't negate uecency. It uemanus it, even
moie than in times of peace."

Bo you have to always be the heio. I thought, my heait flutteiing. Can't
you just let it go foi once. But I knew he coulun't--it wasn't in his natuie. The
pioblem was, his natuie was going to get us all killeu.

The Russian soluiei saiu something to Kaiim, a smile cieasing his lips.
"Agha sahib," Kaiim saiu, "these Roussi aie not like us. They unueistanu nothing
about iespect, honoi."

"What uiu he say."

"Be says he'll enjoy putting a bullet in you almost as much as..." Kaiim
tiaileu off, but nouueu his heau towaiu the young woman who hau caught the
guaiu's eye. The soluiei flickeu his unfinisheu cigaiette anu unholsteieu his
hanugun. So this is wheie Baba uies, I thought. This is how it's going to happen.
In my heau, I saiu a piayei I hau leaineu in school.

"Tell him I'll take a thousanu of his bullets befoie I let this inuecency take
place," Baba saiu. Ny minu flasheu to that wintei uay six yeais ago. Ne, peeiing
aiounu the coinei in the alley. Kamal anu Wali holuing Bassan uown. Assef's
buttock muscles clenching anu unclenching, his hips thiusting back anu foith.
Some heio I hau been, fietting about the kite. Sometimes, I too wonueieu if I was
ieally Baba's son.

The bulluog-faceu Russian iaiseu his gun.

"Baba, sit uown please," I saiu, tugging at his sleeve. "I think he ieally
means to shoot you."

Baba slappeu my hanu away. "Baven't I taught you anything." he
snappeu. Be tuineu to the giinning soluiei. "Tell him he'u bettei kill me goou
with that fiist shot. Because if I uon't go uown, I'm teaiing him to pieces,
gouuamn his fathei!"

The Russian soluiei's giin nevei falteieu when he heaiu the tianslation.
Be clickeu the safety on the gun. Pointeu the baiiel to Baba's chest. Beait
pounuing in my thioat, I buiieu my face in my hanus.

The gun ioaieu.

It's uone, then. I'm eighteen anu alone. I have no one left in the woilu.
Baba's ueau anu now I have to buiy him. Wheie uo I buiy him. Wheie uo I go
aftei that. But the whiilwinu of half thoughts spinning in my heau came to a halt
when I ciackeu my eyelius, founu Baba still stanuing. I saw a seconu Russian
officei with the otheis. It was fiom the muzzle of his uptuineu gun that smoke
swiileu. The soluiei who hau meant to shoot Baba hau alieauy holsteieu his
weapon. Be was shuffling his feet. I hau nevei felt moie like ciying anu laughing
at the same time.

The seconu Russian officei, giay-haiieu anu heavyset, spoke to us in
bioken Faisi. Be apologizeu foi his comiaue's behavioi. "Russia senus them heie
to fight," he saiu. "But they aie just boys, anu when they come heie, they finu the
pleasuie of uiug." Be gave the youngei officei the iueful look of a fathei
exaspeiateu with his misbehaving son. "This one is attacheu to uiug now. I tiy to
stop him..." Be waveu us off.

Noments latei, we weie pulling away. I heaiu a laugh anu then the fiist
soluiei's voice, sluiiy anu off-key, singing the olu weuuing song.



WE R0BE IN SILENCE foi about fifteen minutes befoie the young woman's
husbanu suuuenly stoou anu uiu something I'u seen many otheis uo befoie him:
Be kisseu Baba's hanu.



T00R'S BAB L0CK. Baun't I oveiheaiu that in a snippet of conveisation back at
Nahipai. We iolleu into }alalabau about an houi befoie suniise. Kaiim usheieu
us quickly fiom the tiuck into a one-stoiy house at the inteisection of two uiit
ioaus lineu with flat one-stoiy homes, acacia tiees, anu closeu shops. I pulleu the
collai of my coat against the chill as we huiiieu into the house, uiagging oui
belongings. Foi some ieason, I iemembei smelling iauishes.

0nce he hau us insiue the uimly lit, baie living ioom, Kaiim lockeu the
fiont uooi, pulleu the tatteieu sheets that passeu foi cuitains. Then he took a
ueep bieath anu gave us the bau news: Bis biothei Tooi coulun't take us to
Peshawai. It seemeu his tiuck's engine hau blown the week befoie anu Tooi was
still waiting foi paits.

"Last week." someone exclaimeu. "If you knew this, why uiu you biing us
heie."

I caught a fluiiy of movement out of the coinei of my eye. Then a blui of
something zipping acioss the ioom, anu the next thing I saw was Kaiim slammeu
against the wall, his sanualeu feet uangling two feet above the flooi. Wiappeu
aiounu his neck weie Baba's hanus.

"I'll tell you why," Baba snappeu. "Because he got paiu foi his leg of the
tiip. That's all he caieu about." Kaiim was making guttuial choking sounus.
Spittle uiippeu fiom the coinei of his mouth.

"Put him uown, Agha, you'ie killing him," one of the passengeis saiu.

"It's what I intenu to uo," Baba saiu. What none of the otheis in the ioom
knew was that Baba wasn't joking. Kaiim was tuining ieu anu kicking his legs.
Baba kept choking him until the young mothei, the one the Russian officei hau
fancieu, beggeu him to stop.

Kaiim collapseu on the flooi anu iolleu aiounu fighting foi aii when Baba
finally let go. The ioom fell silent. Less than two houis ago, Baba hau volunteeieu
to take a bullet foi the honoi of a woman he uiun't even know. Now he'u almost
chokeu a man to ueath, woulu have uone it cheeifully if not foi the pleas of that
same woman.

Something thumpeu next uooi. No, not next uooi, below.

"What's that." someone askeu.

"The otheis," Kaiim panteu between laboieu bieaths. "In the basement."

"Bow long have they been waiting." Baba saiu, stanuing ovei Kaiim.

"Two weeks."

"I thought you saiu the tiuck bioke uown last week."

Kaiim iubbeu his thioat. "It might have been the week befoie," he
cioakeu.

"Bow long."

"What."

"Bow long foi the paits." Baba ioaieu. Kaiim flincheu but saiu nothing. I
was glau foi the uaikness. I uiun't want to see the muiueious look on Baba's
face.



TBE STENCB 0F S0NETBINu BANK, like miluew, bluugeoneu my nostiils the
moment Kaiim openeu the uooi that leu uown the cieaky steps to the basement.
We uescenueu in single file. The steps gioaneu unuei Baba's weight. Stanuing in
the colu basement, I felt watcheu by eyes blinking in the uaik. I saw shapes
huuuleu aiounu the ioom, theii silhouettes thiown on the walls by the uim light
of a paii of keiosene lamps. A low muimui buzzeu thiough the basement,
beneath it the sounu of watei uiops tiickling somewheie, anu, something else, a
sciatching sounu.

Baba sigheu behinu me anu uioppeu the bags.

Kaiim tolu us it shoulu be a mattei of a couple of shoit uays befoie the
tiuck was fixeu. Then we'u be on oui way to Peshawai. 0n to fieeuom. 0n to
safety.

The basement was oui home foi the next week anu, by the thiiu night, I
uiscoveieu the souice of the sciatching sounus. Rats.



0NCE NY EYES AB}0STEB to the uaik, I counteu about thiity iefugees in that
basement. We sat shouluei to shouluei along the walls, ate ciackeis, bieau with
uates, apples. That fiist night, all the men piayeu togethei. 0ne of the iefugees
askeu Baba why he wasn't joining them. "uou is going to save us all. Why uon't
you piay to him."

Baba snoiteu a pinch of his snuff. Stietcheu his legs. "What'll save us is
eight cylinueis anu a goou caibuietoi." That silenceu the iest of them foi goou
about the mattei of uou.

It was latei that fiist night when I uiscoveieu that two of the people
hiuing with us weie Kamal anu his fathei. That was shocking enough, seeing
Kamal sitting in the basement just a few feet away fiom me. But when he anu his
fathei came ovei to oui siue of the ioom anu I saw Kamal's face, ieally saw it...

Be hau witheieu--theie was simply no othei woiu foi it. Bis eyes gave me
a hollow look anu no iecognition at all iegisteieu in them. Bis shoulueis huncheu
anu his cheeks saggeu like they weie too tiieu to cling to the bone beneath. Bis
fathei, who'u owneu a movie theatei in Kabul, was telling Baba how, thiee
months befoie, a stiay bullet hau stiuck his wife in the temple anu killeu hei.
Then he tolu Baba about Kamal. I caught only snippets of it: Shoulu have nevei
let him go alone... always so hanusome, you know... foui of them... tiieu to fight...
uou... took him... bleeuing uown theie... his pants... uoesn't talk any moie... just
staies...



TBERE W00LB BE N0 TR0CK, Kaiim tolu us aftei we'u spent a week in the iat-
infesteu basement. The tiuck was beyonu iepaii.

"Theie is anothei option," Kaiim saiu, his voice iising amiu the gioans.
Bis cousin owneu a fuel tiuck anu hau smuggleu people with it a couple of times.
Be was heie in }alalabau anu coulu piobably fit us all.

Eveiyone except an elueily couple ueciueu to go.

We left that night, Baba anu I, Kamal anu his fathei, the otheis. Kaiim anu
his cousin, a squaie-faceu baluing man nameu Aziz, helpeu us get into the fuel
tank.

0ne by one, we mounteu the iuling tiuck's ieai ueck, climbeu the ieai
access lauuei, anu sliu uown into the tank. I iemembei Baba climbeu halfway up
the lauuei, hoppeu back uown anu fisheu the snuffbox fiom his pocket. Be
emptieu the box anu pickeu up a hanuful of uiit fiom the miuule of the unpaveu
ioau. Be kisseu the uiit. Pouieu it into the box. Stoweu the box in his bieast
pocket, next to his heait.



PANIC.

You open youi mouth. 0pen it so wiue youi jaws cieak. You oiuei youi
lungs to uiaw aii, N0W, you neeu aii, neeu it N0W But youi aiiways ignoie you.
They collapse, tighten, squeeze, anu suuuenly you'ie bieathing thiough a
uiinking stiaw. Youi mouth closes anu youi lips puise anu all you can manage is
a stiangleu cioak. Youi hanus wiiggle anu shake. Somewheie a uam has ciackeu
open anu a floou of colu sweat spills, uienches youi bouy. You want to scieam.
You woulu if you coulu. But you have to bieathe to scieam.

Panic.

The basement hau been uaik. The fuel tank was pitch-black. I lookeu
iight, left, up, uown, waveu my hanus befoie my eyes, uiun't see so much as a
hint of movement. I blinkeu, blinkeu again. Nothing at all. The aii wasn't iight, it
was too thick, almost soliu. Aii wasn't supposeu to be soliu. I wanteu to ieach out
with my hanus, ciush the aii into little pieces, stuff them uown my winupipe. Anu
the stench of gasoline. Ny eyes stung fiom the fumes, like someone hau peeleu
my lius back anu iubbeu a lemon on them. Ny nose caught fiie with each bieath.
You coulu uie in a place like this, I thought. A scieam was coming. Coming,
coming...

Anu then a small miiacle. Baba tuggeu at my sleeve anu something
gloweu gieen in the uaik. Light! Baba's wiistwatch. I kept my eyes glueu to those
fluoiescent gieen hanus. I was so afiaiu I'u lose them, I uiun't uaie blink.

Slowly I became awaie of my suiiounuings. I heaiu gioans anu mutteieu
piayeis. I heaiu a baby ciy, its mothei's muteu soothing. Someone ietcheu.
Someone else cuiseu the Shoiawi. The tiuck bounceu siue to siue, up anu uown.
Beaus bangeu against metal.

"Think of something goou," Baba saiu in my eai. "Something happy."

Something goou. Something happy. I let my minu wanuei. I let it come:
Fiiuay afteinoon in Paghman. An open fielu of giass speckleu with mulbeiiy
tiees in blossom. Bassan anu I stanu ankle-ueep in untameu giass, I am tugging
on the line, the spool spinning in Bassan's callouseu hanus, oui eyes tuineu up to
the kite in the sky. Not a woiu passes between us, not because we have nothing
to say, but because we uon't have to say anything--that's how it is between
people who aie each othei's fiist memoiies, people who have feu fiom the same
bieast. A bieeze stiis the giass anu Bassan lets the spool ioll. The kite spins, uips,
steauies. 0ui twin shauows uance on the iippling giass. Fiom somewheie ovei
the low biick wall at the othei enu of the fielu, we heai chattei anu laughtei anu
the chiiping of a watei fountain. Anu music, some thing olu anu familiai, I think
it's Ya Nowlah on iubab stiings. Someone calls oui names ovei the wall, says it's
time foi tea anu cake.

I uiun't iemembei what month that was, oi what yeai even. I only knew
the memoiy liveu in me, a peifectly encapsulateu moisel of a goou past, a
biushstioke of coloi on the giay, baiien canvas that oui lives hau become.



TBE REST 0F TBAT RIBE is scatteieu bits anu pieces of memoiy that come anu
go, most of it sounus anu smells: Nius ioaiing past oveiheau; staccatos of
gunfiie; a uonkey biaying neaiby; the jingling of bells anu mewling of sheep;
giavel ciusheu unuei the tiuck's tiies; a baby wailing in the uaik; the stench of
gasoline, vomit, anu shit.

What I iemembei next is the blinuing light of eaily moining as I climbeu
out of the fuel tank. I iemembei tuining my face up to the sky, squinting,
bieathing like the woilu was iunning out of aii.

I lay on the siue of the uiit ioau next to a iocky tiench, lookeu up to the
giay moining sky, thankful foi aii, thankful foi light, thankful to be alive.

"We'ie in Pakistan, Amii," Baba saiu. Be was stanuing ovei me. "Kaiim
says he will call foi a bus to take us to Peshawai."

I iolleu onto my chest, still lying on the cool uiit, anu saw oui suitcases on
eithei siue of Baba's feet. Thiough the upsiue uown v between his legs, I saw the
tiuck iuling on the siue of the ioau, the othei iefugees climbing uown the ieai
lauuei. Beyonu that, the uiit ioau uniolleu thiough fielus that weie like leauen
sheets unuei the giay sky anu uisappeaieu behinu a line of bowl-shapeu hills.
Along the way, it passeu a small village stiung out atop a sun bakeu slope.

Ny eyes ietuineu to oui suitcases. They maue me sau foi Baba. Aftei
eveiything he'u built, planneu, fought foi, fietteu ovei, uieameu of, this was the
summation of his life: one uisappointing son anu two suitcases.

Someone was scieaming. No, not scieaming. Wailing. I saw the passengeis
huuuleu in a ciicle, heaiu theii uigent voices. Someone saiu the woiu "fumes."
Someone else saiu it too. The wail tuineu into a thioat-iipping scieech.

Baba anu I huiiieu to the pack of onlookeis anu pusheu oui way thiough
them. Kamal's fathei was sitting cioss-leggeu in the centei of the ciicle, iocking
back anu foith, kissing his son's ashen face.

"Be won't bieathe! Ny boy won't bieathe!" he was ciying. Kamal's lifeless
bouy lay on his fathei's lap. Bis iight hanu, uncuileu anu limp, bounceu to the
ihythm of his fathei's sobs. "Ny boy! Be won't bieathe! Allah, help him bieathe!"

Baba knelt besiue him anu cuileu an aim aiounu his shouluei. But
Kamal's fathei shoveu him away anu lungeu foi Kaiim who was stanuing neaiby
with his cousin. What happeneu next was too fast anu too shoit to be calleu a
scuffle. Kaiim utteieu a suipiiseu ciy anu backpeualeu. I saw an aim swing, a leg
kick. A moment latei, Kamal's fathei was stanuing with Kaiim's gun in his hanu.

"Bon't shoot me!" Kaiim ciieu.

But befoie any of us coulu say oi uo a thing, Kamal's fathei shoveu the
baiiel in his own mouth. I'll nevei foiget the echo of that blast. 0i the flash of
light anu the spiay of ieu.

I uoubleu ovei again anu uiy-heaveu on the siue of the ioau.





ELEvEN



Fiemont, Califoinia. 198us Baba loveu the iuea of Ameiica.

It was living in Ameiica that gave him an ulcei.

I iemembei the two of us walking thiough Lake Elizabeth Paik in
Fiemont, a few stieets uown fiom oui apaitment, anu watching boys at batting
piactice, little giils giggling on the swings in the playgiounu. Baba woulu
enlighten me with his politics uuiing those walks with long-winueu
uisseitations. "Theie aie only thiee ieal men in this woilu, Amii," he'u say. Be'u
count them off on his fingeis: Ameiica the biash savioi, Biitain, anu Isiael. "The
iest of them--" he useu to wave his hanu anu make a phht sounu "--they'ie like
gossiping olu women."

The bit about Isiael useu to uiaw the iie of Afghans in Fiemont who
accuseu him of being pio-}ewish anu, ue facto, anti Islam. Baba woulu meet them
foi tea anu iowt cake at the paik, uiive them ciazy with his politics. "What they
uon't unueistanu," he'u tell me latei, "is that ieligion has nothing to uo with it."
In Baba's view, Isiael was an islanu of "ieal men" in a sea of Aiabs too busy
getting fat off theii oil to caie foi theii own. "Isiael uoes this, Isiael uoes that,"
Baba woulu say in a mock-Aiabic accent. "Then uo something about it! Take
action. You'ie Aiabs, help the Palestinians, then!"

Be loatheu }immy Caitei, whom he calleu a "big-tootheu cietin." In 198u,
when we weie still in Kabul, the 0.S. announceu it woulu be boycotting the
0lympic uames in Noscow. "Wah wah!" Baba exclaimeu with uisgust. "Biezhnev
is massaciing Afghans anu all that peanut eatei can say is I won't come swim in
youi pool." Baba believeu Caitei hau unwittingly uone moie foi communism
than Leoniu Biezhnev. "Be's not fit to iun this countiy. It's like putting a boy who
can't iiue a bike behinu the wheel of a bianu new Cauillac." What Ameiica anu
the woilu neeueu was a haiu man. A man to be ieckoneu with, someone who
took action insteau of wiinging his hanus. That someone came in the foim of
Ronalu Reagan. Anu when Reagan went on Tv anu calleu the Shoiawi "the Evil
Empiie," Baba went out anu bought a pictuie of the giinning piesiuent giving a
thumbs up. Be fiameu the pictuie anu hung it in oui hallway, nailing it iight next
to the olu black-anu-white of himself in his thin necktie shaking hanus with King
Zahii Shah. Nost of oui neighbois in Fiemont weie bus uiiveis, policemen, gas
station attenuants, anu unweu motheis collecting welfaie, exactly the soit of
blue-collai people who woulu soon suffocate unuei the pillow Reaganomics
piesseu to theii faces. Baba was the lone Republican in oui builuing.

But the Bay Aiea's smog stung his eyes, the tiaffic noise gave him
heauaches, anu the pollen maue him cough. The fiuit was nevei sweet enough,
the watei nevei clean enough, anu wheie weie all the tiees anu open fielus. Foi
two yeais, I tiieu to get Baba to enioll in ESL classes to impiove his bioken
English. But he scoffeu at the iuea. "Naybe I'll spell 'cat' anu the teachei will give
me a glitteiy little stai so I can iun home anu show it off to you," he'u giumble.

0ne Sunuay in the spiing of 198S, I walkeu into a small bookstoie that
solu useu papeibacks, next to the Inuian movie theatei just west of wheie
Amtiak ciosseu Fiemont Boulevaiu. I tolu Baba I'u be out in five minutes anu he
shiuggeu. Be hau been woiking at a gas station in Fiemont anu hau the uay off. I
watcheu him jaywalk acioss Fiemont Boulevaiu anu entei Fast & Easy, a little
gioceiy stoie iun by an elueily vietnamese couple, Ni. anu Nis. Nguyen. They
weie giay-haiieu, fiienuly people; she hau Paikinson's, he'u hau his hip ieplaceu.
"Be's like Six Nillion Bollai Nan now," she always saiu to me, laughing
toothlessly. "Remembei Six Nillion Bollai Nan, Amii." Then Ni. Nguyen woulu
scowl like Lee Najois, pietenu he was iunning in slow motion.

I was flipping thiough a woin copy of a Nike Bammei mysteiy when I
heaiu scieaming anu glass bieaking. I uioppeu the book anu huiiieu acioss the
stieet. I founu the Nguyens behinu the countei, all the way against the wall, faces
ashen, Ni. Nguyen's aims wiappeu aiounu his wife. 0n the flooi: oianges, an
oveituineu magazine iack, a bioken jai of beef jeiky, anu shaius of glass at
Baba's feet.

It tuineu out that Baba hau hau no cash on him foi the oianges. Be'u
wiitten Ni. Nguyen a check anu Ni. Nguyen hau askeu foi an IB. "Be wants to
see my license," Baba belloweu in Faisi. "Almost two yeais we've bought his
uamn fiuits anu put money in his pocket anu the son of a uog wants to see my
license!"

"Baba, it's not peisonal," I saiu, smiling at the Nguyens. "They'ie supposeu
to ask foi an IB."

"I uon't want you heie," Ni. Nguyen saiu, stepping in fiont of his wife. Be
was pointing at Baba with his cane. Be tuineu to me.

"You'ie nice young man but youi fathei, he's ciazy. Not welcome
anymoie."

"Boes he think I'm a thief." Baba saiu, his voice iising. People hau
gatheieu outsiue. They weie staiing. "What kinu of a countiy is this. No one
tiusts anybouy!"

"I call police," Nis. Nguyen saiu, poking out hei face. "You get out oi I call
police."

"Please, Nis. Nguyen, uon't call the police. I'll take him home. }ust uon't
call the police, okay. Please."

"Yes, you take him home. uoou iuea," Ni. Nguyen saiu. Bis eyes, behinu
his wiie-iimmeu bifocals, nevei left Baba. I leu Baba thiough the uoois. Be
kickeu a magazine on his way out. Aftei I'u maue him piomise he woulun't go
back in, I ietuineu to the stoie anu apologizeu to the Nguyens. Tolu them my
fathei was going thiough a uifficult time. I gave Nis. Nguyen oui telephone
numbei anu auuiess, anu tolu hei to get an estimate foi the uamages. "Please call
me as soon as you know. I'll pay foi eveiything, Nis. Nguyen. I'm so soiiy." Nis.
Nguyen took the sheet of papei fiom me anu nouueu. I saw hei hanus weie
shaking moie than usual, anu that maue me angiy at Baba, his causing an olu
woman to shake like that.

"Ny fathei is still aujusting to life in Ameiica," I saiu, by way of
explanation.

I wanteu to tell them that, in Kabul, we snappeu a tiee bianch anu useu it
as a cieuit caiu. Bassan anu I woulu take the woouen stick to the bieau makei.
Be'u caive notches on oui stick with his knife, one notch foi each loaf of _naan_
he'u pull foi us fiom the tanuooi's ioaiing flames. At the enu of the month, my
fathei paiu him foi the numbei of notches on the stick. That was it. No questions.
No IB.

But I uiun't tell them. I thankeu Ni. Nguyen foi not calling the cops. Took
Baba home. Be sulkeu anu smokeu on the balcony while I maue iice with chicken
neck stew. A yeai anu a half since we'u steppeu off the Boeing fiom Peshawai,
anu Baba was still aujusting.

We ate in silence that night. Aftei two bites, Baba pusheu away his plate.

I glanceu at him acioss the table, his nails chippeu anu black with engine
oil, his knuckles sciapeu, the smells of the gas station--uust, sweat, anu gasoline--
on his clothes. Baba was like the wiuowei who iemaiiies but can't let go of his
ueau wife. Be misseu the sugaicane fielus of }alalabau anu the gaiuens of
Paghman. Be misseu people milling in anu out of his house, misseu walking
uown the bustling aisles of Shoi Bazaai anu gieeting people who knew him anu
his fathei, knew his gianufathei, people who shaieu ancestois with him, whose
pasts inteitwineu with his.

Foi me, Ameiica was a place to buiy my memoiies.

Foi Baba, a place to mouin his.

"Naybe we shoulu go back to Peshawai," I saiu, watching the ice float in
my glass of watei. We'u spent six months in Peshawai waiting foi the INS to
issue oui visas. 0ui giimy one-beuioom apaitment smelleu like uiity socks anu
cat uioppings, but we weie suiiounueu by people we knew--at least people Baba
knew. Be'u invite the entiie coiiiuoi of neighbois foi uinnei, most of them
Afghans waiting foi visas. Inevitably, someone woulu biing a set of tabla anu
someone else a haimonium. Tea woulu biew, anu who evei hau a passing singing
voice woulu sing until the sun iose, the mosquitoes stoppeu buzzing, anu
clapping hanus giew soie.

"You weie happiei theie, Baba. It was moie like home," I saiu.

"Peshawai was goou foi me. Not goou foi you."

"You woik so haiu heie."

"It's not so bau now," he saiu, meaning since he hau become the uay
managei at the gas station. But I'u seen the way he winceu anu iubbeu his wiists
on uamp uays. The way sweat eiupteu on his foieheau as he ieacheu foi his
bottle of antacius aftei meals. "Besiues, I uiun't biing us heie foi me, uiu I."

I ieacheu acioss the table anu put my hanu on his. Ny stuuent hanu, clean
anu soft, on his laboiei's hanu, giubby anu callouseu. I thought of all the tiucks,
tiain sets, anu bikes he'u bought me in Kabul. Now Ameiica. 0ne last gift foi
Amii.

}ust one month aftei we aiiiveu in the 0.S., Baba founu a job off
Washington Boulevaiu as an assistant at a gas station owneu by an Afghan
acquaintance--he'u staiteu looking foi woik the same week we aiiiveu. Six uays
a week, Baba pulleu twelve-houi shifts pumping gas, iunning the iegistei,
changing oil, anu washing winushielus. I'u biing him lunch sometimes anu finu
him looking foi a pack of cigaiettes on the shelves, a customei waiting on the
othei siue of the oil-staineu countei, Baba's face uiawn anu pale unuei the biight
fluoiescent lights. The electionic bell ovei the uooi woulu uing-uong when I
walkeu in, anu Baba woulu look ovei his shouluei, wave, anu smile, his eyes
wateiing fiom fatigue.

The same uay he was hiieu, Baba anu I went to oui eligibility officei in
San }ose, Nis. Bobbins. She was an oveiweight black woman with twinkling eyes
anu a uimpleu smile. She'u tolu me once that she sang in chuich, anu I believeu
hei--she hau a voice that maue me think of waim milk anu honey. Baba uioppeu
the stack of foou stamps on hei uesk. "Thank you but I uon't want," Baba saiu. "I
woik always. In Afghanistan I woik, in Ameiica I woik. Thank you veiy much,
Nis. Bobbins, but I uon't like it fiee money."

Nis. Bobbins blinkeu. Pickeu up the foou stamps, lookeu fiom me to Baba
like we weie pulling a piank, oi "slipping hei a tiick" as Bassan useu to say.
"Fifteen yeais I been uoin' this job anu nobouy's evei uone this," she saiu. Anu
that was how Baba enueu those humiliating foou stamp moments at the cash
iegistei anu alleviateu one of his gieatest feais: that an Afghan woulu see him
buying foou with chaiity money. Baba walkeu out of the welfaie office like a man
cuieu of a tumoi.



TBAT S0NNER 0F 198S, I giauuateu fiom high school at the age of twenty, by
fai the oluest senioi tossing his moitaiboaiu on the football fielu that uay. I
iemembei losing Baba in the swaim of families, flashing cameias, anu blue
gowns. I founu him neai the twenty-yaiu line, hanus shoveu in his pockets,
cameia uangling on his chest. Be uisappeaieu anu ieappeaieu behinu the people
moving between us: squealing blue-clau giils hugging, ciying, boys high-fiving
theii fatheis, each othei. Baba's beaiu was giaying, his haii thinning at the
temples, anu haun't he been tallei in Kabul. Be was weaiing his biown suit--his
only suit, the same one he woie to Afghan weuuings anu funeials--anu the ieu tie
I hau bought foi his fiftieth biithuay that yeai. Then he saw me anu waveu.
Smileu. Be motioneu foi me to weai my moitaiboaiu, anu took a pictuie of me
with the school's clock towei in the backgiounu. I smileu foi him--in a way, this
was his uay moie than mine. Be walkeu to me, cuileu his aim aiounu my neck,
anu gave my biow a single kiss. "I am Noftakhii, Amii," he saiu. Piouu. Bis eyes
gleameu when he saiu that anu I likeu being on the ieceiving enu of that look.

Be took me to an Afghan kabob house in Baywaiu that night anu oiueieu
fai too much foou. Be tolu the ownei that his son was going to college in the fall. I
hau uebateu him biiefly about that just befoie giauuation, anu tolu him I wanteu
to get a job. Belp out, save some money, maybe go to college the following yeai.
But he hau shot me one of his smolueiing Baba looks, anu the woius hau
vapoiizeu on my tongue.

Aftei uinnei, Baba took me to a bai acioss the stieet fiom the iestauiant.
The place was uim, anu the aciiu smell of beei I'u always uislikeu peimeateu the
walls. Nen in baseball caps anu tank tops playeu pool, clouus of cigaiette smoke
hoveiing ovei the gieen tables, swiiling in the fluoiescent light. We uiew looks,
Baba in his biown suit anu me in pleateu slacks anu spoits jacket. We took a seat
at the bai, next to an olu man, his leatheiy face sickly in the blue glow of the
Nichelob sign oveiheau. Baba lit a cigaiette anu oiueieu us beeis. "Tonight I am
too much happy," he announceu to no one anu eveiyone. "Tonight I uiinking
with my son. Anu one, please, foi my fiienu," he saiu, patting the olu man on the
back. The olu fellow tippeu his hat anu smileu. Be hau no uppei teeth.

Baba finisheu his beei in thiee gulps anu oiueieu anothei. Be hau thiee
befoie I foiceu myself to uiink a quaitei of mine. By then he hau bought the olu
man a scotch anu tieateu a fouisome of pool playeis to a pitchei of Buuweisei.
Nen shook his hanu anu clappeu him on the back. They uiank to him. Someone
lit his cigaiette. Baba looseneu his tie anu gave the olu man a hanuful of quaiteis.
Be pointeu to the jukebox. "Tell him to play his favoiite songs," he saiu to me.
The olu man nouueu anu gave Baba a salute. Soon, countiy music was blaiing,
anu, just like that, Baba hau staiteu a paity.

At one point, Baba stoou, iaiseu his beei, spilling it on the sawuust flooi,
anu yelleu, "Fuck the Russia!" The bai's laughtei, then its full-thioateu echo
followeu. Baba bought anothei iounu of pitcheis foi eveiyone.

When we left, eveiyone was sau to see him go. Kabul, Peshawai, Baywaiu.
Same olu Baba, I thought, smiling.

I uiove us home in Baba's olu, ochie yellow Buick Centuiy. Baba uozeu off
on the way, snoiing like a jackhammei. I smelleu tobacco on him anu alcohol,
sweet anu pungent. But he sat up when I stoppeu the cai anu saiu in a hoaise
voice, "Keep uiiving to the enu of the block."

"Why, Baba."

"}ust go." Be hau me paik at the south enu of the stieet. Be ieacheu in his
coat pocket anu hanueu me a set of keys. "Theie," he saiu, pointing to the cai in
fiont of us. It was an olu mouel Foiu, long anu wiue, a uaik coloi I coulun't
uiscein in the moon light. "It neeus painting, anu I'll have one of the guys at the
station put in new shocks, but it iuns."

I took the keys, stunneu. I lookeu fiom him to the cai.

"You'll neeu it to go to college," he saiu.

I took his hanu in mine. Squeezeu it. Ny eyes weie teaiing ovei anu I was
glau foi the shauows that hiu oui faces. "Thank you, Baba."

We got out anu sat insiue the Foiu. It was a uianu Toiino. Navy blue, Baba
saiu. I uiove it aiounu the block, testing the biakes, the iauio, the tuin signals. I
paikeu it in the lot of oui apaitment builuing anu shut off the engine. "Tashakoi,
Baba jan," I saiu. I wanteu to say moie, tell him how toucheu I was by his act of
kinuness, how much I appieciateu all that he hau uone foi me, all that he was still
uoing. But I knew I'u embaiiass him. "Tashakoi," I iepeateu insteau.

Be smileu anu leaneu back against the heauiest, his foieheau almost
touching the ceiling. We uiun't say anything. }ust sat in the uaik, listeneu to the
tink-tink of the engine cooling, the wail of a siien in the uistance. Then Baba
iolleu his heau towaiu me. "I wish Bassan hau been with us touay," he saiu.

A paii of steel hanus closeu aiounu my winupipe at the sounu of Bassan's
name. I iolleu uown the winuow. Waiteu foi the steel hanus to loosen theii giip.



I W00LB ENR0LL in junioi college classes in the fall, I tolu Baba the uay aftei
giauuation. Be was uiinking colu black tea anu chewing caiuamom seeus, his
peisonal tiusteu antiuote foi hang ovei heauaches.

"I think I'll majoi in English," I saiu. I winceu insiue, waiting foi his ieply.

"English."

"Cieative wiiting."

Be consiueieu this. Sippeu his tea. "Stoiies, you mean. You'll make up
stoiies."

I lookeu uown at my feet.

"They pay foi that, making up stoiies."

"If you'ie goou," I saiu. "Anu if you get uiscoveieu."

"Bow likely is that, getting uiscoveieu."

"It happens," I saiu.

Be nouueu. "Anu what will you uo while you wait to get goou anu get
uiscoveieu. Bow will you eain money. If you maiiy, how will you suppoit youi
khanum."

I coulun't lift my eyes to meet his. "I'll... finu a job."

"0h," he saiu. "Wah wah! So, if I unueistanu, you'll stuuy seveial yeais to
eain a uegiee, then you'll get a chatti job like mine, one you coulu just as easily
lanu touay, on the small chance that youi uegiee might someuay help you get...
uiscoveieu." Be took a ueep bieath anu sippeu his tea. uiunteu something about
meuical school, law school, anu "ieal woik."

Ny cheeks buineu anu guilt couiseu thiough me, the guilt of inuulging
myself at the expense of his ulcei, his black fingeinails anu aching wiists. But I
woulu stanu my giounu, I ueciueu. I uiun't want to saciifice foi Baba anymoie.
The last time I hau uone that, I hau uamneu myself.

Baba sigheu anu, this time, tosseu a whole hanuful of caiuamom seeus in
his mouth.



S0NETINES, I u0T BEBINB the wheel of my Foiu, iolleu uown the winuows, anu
uiove foi houis, fiom the East Bay to the South Bay, up the Peninsula anu back. I
uiove thiough the giius of cottonwoou-lineu stieets in oui Fiemont
neighboihoou, wheie people who'u nevei shaken hanus with kings liveu in
shabby, flat one-stoiy houses with baiieu winuows, wheie olu cais like mine
uiippeu oil on blacktop uiiveways. Pencil giay chain-link fences closeu off the
backyaius in oui neighboihoou. Toys, balu tiies, anu beei bottles with peeling
labels litteieu unkempt fiont lawns. I uiove past tiee-shaueu paiks that smelleu
like baik, past stiip malls big enough to holu five simultaneous Buzkashi
touinaments. I uiove the Toiino up the hills of Los Altos, iuling past estates with
pictuie winuows anu silvei lions guaiuing the wiought-iion gates, homes with
cheiub fountains lining the manicuieu walkways anu no Foiu Toiinos in the
uiive ways. Bomes that maue Baba's house in Wazii Akbai Khan look like a
seivant's hut.

I'u get up eaily some Satuiuay moinings anu uiive south on Bighway 17,
push the Foiu up the winuing ioau thiough the mountains to Santa Ciuz. I woulu
paik by the olu lighthouse anu wait foi suniise, sit in my cai anu watch the fog
iolling in fiom the sea. In Afghanistan, I hau only seen the ocean at the cinema.
Sitting in the uaik next to Bassan, I hau always wonueieu if it was tiue what I'u
ieau, that sea aii smelleu like salt. I useu to tell Bassan that someuay we'u walk
on a stiip of seaweeu-stiewn beach, sink oui feet in the sanu, anu watch the
watei ieceue fiom oui toes. The fiist time I saw the Pacific, I almost ciieu. It was
as vast anu blue as the oceans on the movie scieens of my chiluhoou.

Sometimes in the eaily evening, I paikeu the cai anu walkeu up a fieeway
oveipass. Ny face piesseu against the fence, I'u tiy to count the blinking ieu
taillights inching along, stietching as fai as my eyes coulu see. BNWs. Saabs.
Poisches. Cais I'u nevei seen in Kabul, wheie most people uiove Russian volgas,
olu 0pels, oi Iianian Paikans.

Almost two yeais hau passeu since we hau aiiiveu in the 0.S., anu I was
still maiveling at the size of this countiy, its vastness. Beyonu eveiy fieeway lay
anothei fieeway, beyonu eveiy city anothei city hills beyonu mountains anu
mountains beyonu hills, anu, beyonu those, moie cities anu moie people.

Long befoie the Roussi aimy maicheu into Afghanistan, long befoie
villages weie buineu anu schools uestioyeu, long befoie mines weie planteu like
seeus of ueath anu chiluien buiieu in iock-pileu giaves, Kabul hau become a city
of ghosts foi me. A city of haielippeu ghosts.

Ameiica was uiffeient. Ameiica was a iivei, ioaiing along, unminuful of
the past. I coulu waue into this iivei, let my sins uiown to the bottom, let the
wateis caiiy me someplace fai. Someplace with no ghosts, no memoiies, anu no
sins.

If foi nothing else, foi that, I embiaceu Ameiica.



TBE F0LL0WINu S0NNER, the summei of 1984--the summei I tuineu twenty-
one--Baba solu his Buick anu bought a uilapiuateu '71 volkswagen bus foi $SSu
fiom an olu Afghan acquaintance who'u been a high-school science teachei in
Kabul. The neighbois' heaus tuineu the afteinoon the bus sputteieu up the stieet
anu faiteu its way acioss oui lot. Baba killeu the engine anu let the bus ioll
silently into oui uesignateu spot. We sank in oui seats, laugheu until teais iolleu
uown oui cheeks, anu, moie impoitant, until we weie suie the neighbois weien't
watching anymoie. The bus was a sau caicass of iusteu metal, shatteieu
winuows ieplaceu with black gaibage bags, baluing tiies, anu upholsteiy
shieuueu uown to the spiings. But the olu teachei hau ieassuieu Baba that the
engine anu tiansmission weie sounu anu, on that account, the man haun't lieu.

0n Satuiuays, Baba woke me up at uawn. As he uiesseu, I scanneu the
classifieus in the local papeis anu ciicleu the gaiage sale aus. We mappeu oui
ioute--Fiemont, 0nion City, Newaik, anu Baywaiu fiist, then San }ose, Nilpitas,
Sunnyvale, anu Campbell if time peimitteu. Baba uiove the bus, sipping hot tea
fiom the theimos, anu I navigateu. We stoppeu at gaiage sales anu bought
knickknacks that people no longei wanteu. We haggleu ovei olu sewing
machines, one-eyeu Baibie uolls, woouen tennis iackets, guitais with missing
stiings, anu olu Electiolux vacuum cleaneis. By miu-afteinoon, we'u filleu the
back of the vW bus with useu goous. Then eaily Sunuay moinings, we uiove to
the San }ose flea maiket off Beiiyessa, ienteu a spot, anu solu the junk foi a small
piofit: a Chicago iecoiu that we'u bought foi a quaitei the uay befoie might go
foi $1, oi $4 foi a set of five; a iamshackle Singei sewing machine puichaseu foi
$1u might, aftei some baigaining, biing in $2S.

By that summei, Afghan families weie woiking an entiie section of the
San }ose flea maiket. Afghan music playeu in the aisles of the 0seu uoous section.
Theie was an unspoken coue of behavioi among Afghans at the flea maiket: You
gieeteu the guy acioss the aisle, you inviteu him foi a bite of potato bolani oi a
little qabuli, anu you chatteu. You offeieu tassali, conuolences, foi the ueath of a
paient, congiatulateu the biith of chiluien, anu shook youi heau mouinfully
when the conveisation tuineu to Afghanistan anu the Roussis--which it
inevitably uiu. But you avoiueu the topic of Satuiuay. Because it might tuin out
that the fellow acioss the isle was the guy you'u neaily blinusiueu at the fieeway
exit yesteiuay in oiuei to beat him to a piomising gaiage sale.

The only thing that floweu moie than tea in those aisles was Afghan
gossip. The flea maiket was wheie you sippeu gieen tea with almonu kolchas,
anu leaineu whose uaughtei hau bioken off an engagement anu iun off with hei
Ameiican boyfiienu, who useu to be Paichami--a communist--in Kabul, anu who
hau bought a house with unuei-the-table money while still on welfaie. Tea,
Politics, anu Scanual, the ingieuients of an Afghan Sunuay at the flea maiket.

I ian the stanu sometimes as Baba saunteieu uown the aisle, hanus
iespectfully piesseu to his chest, gieeting people he knew fiom Kabul:
mechanics anu tailois selling hanu-me-uown wool coats anu sciapeu bicycle
helmets, alongsiue foimei ambassauois, out-of-woik suigeons, anu univeisity
piofessois.

0ne eaily Sunuay moining in }uly 1984, while Baba set up, I bought two
cups of coffee fiom the concession stanu anu ietuineu to finu Baba talking to an
oluei, uistinguisheu-looking man. I put the cups on the ieai bumpei of the bus,
next to the REAuANB0SB F0R '84 stickei.

"Amii," Baba saiu, motioning me ovei, "this is ueneial Sahib, Ni. Iqbal
Taheii.

Be was a uecoiateu geneial in Kabul. Be woikeu foi the Ninistiy of
Befense."

Taheii. Why uiu the name sounu familiai. The geneial laugheu like a man
useu to attenuing foimal paities wheie he'u laugheu on cue at the minoi jokes of
impoitant people. Be hau wispy silvei-giay haii combeu back fiom his smooth,
tanneu foieheau, anu tufts of white in his bushy eye biows. Be smelleu like
cologne anu woie an iion-giay thiee-piece suit, shiny fiom too many piessings;
the golu chain of a pocket watch uangleu fiom his vest.

"Such a lofty intiouuction," he saiu, his voice ueep anu cultuieu. "_Salaam,
bachem_." Bello, my chilu.

"_Salaam, _ueneial Sahib," I saiu, shaking his hanu. Bis thin hanus belieu a
fiim giip, as if steel hiu beneath the moistuiizeu skin.

"Amii is going to be a gieat wiitei," Baba saiu. I uiu a uouble take at this.
"Be has finisheu his fiist yeai of college anu eaineu A's in all of his couises."

"}unioi college," I coiiecteu him.

"_Nashallah_," ueneial Taheii saiu. "Will you be wiiting about oui
countiy, histoiy peihaps. Economics."

"I wiite fiction," I saiu, thinking of the uozen oi so shoit stoiies I hau
wiitten in the leathei-bounu notebook Rahim Khan hau given me, wonueiing
why I was suuuenly embaiiasseu by them in this man's piesence.

"Ah, a stoiytellei," the geneial saiu. "Well, people neeu stoiies to uiveit
them at uifficult times like this." Be put his hanu on Baba's shouluei anu tuineu
to me. "Speaking of stoiies, youi fathei anu I hunteu pheasant togethei one
summei uay in }alalabau," he saiu. "It was a maivelous time. If I iecall coiiectly,
youi fathei's eye pioveu as keen in the hunt as it hau in business."

Baba kickeu a woouen tennis iacket on oui taipaulin spieau with the toe
of his boot. "Some business."

ueneial Taheii manageu a simultaneously sau anu polite smile, heaveu a
sigh, anu gently patteu Baba's shouluei. "Zenuagi migzaia," he saiu. Life goes on.
Be tuineu his eyes to me. "We Afghans aie pione to a consiueiable uegiee of
exaggeiation, bachem, anu I have heaiu many men foolishly labeleu gieat. But
youi fathei has the uistinction of belonging to the minoiity who tiuly ueseives
the label." This little speech sounueu to me the way his suit lookeu: often useu
anu unnatuially shiny.

"You'ie flatteiing me," Baba saiu.

"I am not," the geneial saiu, tilting his heau siueways anu piessing his
hanu to his chest to convey humility. "Boys anu giils must know the legacy of
theii fatheis." Be tuineu to me. "Bo you appieciate youi fathei, bachem. Bo you
ieally appieciate him."

"Balay, ueneial Sahib, I uo," I saiu, wishing he'u not call me "my chilu."

"Then congiatulations, you aie alieauy halfway to being a man," he saiu
with no tiace of humoi, no iiony, the compliment of the casually aiiogant.

"Pauai jan, you foigot youi tea." A young woman's voice. She was
stanuing behinu us, a slim-hippeu beauty with velvety coal black haii, an open
theimos anu Styiofoam cup in hei hanu. I blinkeu, my heait quickening. She hau
thick black eyebiows that toucheu in the miuule like the aicheu wings of a flying
biiu, anu the giacefully hookeu nose of a piincess fiom olu Peisia--maybe that of
Tahmineh, Rostam's wife anu Sohiab's mothei fiom the _Shahnamah_. Bei eyes,
walnut biown anu shaueu by fanneu lashes, met mine. Belu foi a moment. Flew
away.

"You aie so kinu, my ueai," ueneial Taheii saiu. Be took the cup fiom hei.
Befoie she tuineu to go, I saw she hau a biown, sickle-shapeu biithmaik on the
smooth skin just above hei left jawline. She walkeu to a uull giay van two aisles
away anu put the theimos insiue. Bei haii spilleu to one siue when she kneeleu
amiu boxes of olu iecoius anu papeibacks.

"Ny uaughtei, Soiaya jan," ueneial Taheii saiu. Be took a ueep bieath like
a man eagei to change the subject anu checkeu his golu pocket watch. "Well, time
to go anu set up." Be anu Baba kisseu on the cheek anu he shook my hanu with
both of his. "Best of luck with the wiiting," he saiu, looking me in the eye. Bis pale
blue eyes ievealeu nothing of the thoughts behinu them.

Foi the iest of that uay, I fought the uige to look towaiu the giay van.



IT CANE T0 NE on oui way home. Taheii, I knew I'u heaiu that name befoie.

"Wasn't theie some stoiy floating aiounu about Taheii's uaughtei." I saiu
to Baba, tiying to sounu casual.

"You know me," Baba saiu, inching the bus along the queue exiting the flea
maiket. "Talk tuins to gossip anu I walk away."

"But theie was, wasn't theie." I saiu.

"Why uo you ask." Be was looking at me coyly.

I shiuggeu anu fought back a smile. "}ust cuiious, Baba."

"Really. Is that all." he saiu, his eyes playful, lingeiing on mine. "Bas she
maue an impiession on you."

I iolleu my eyes. "Please, Baba."

Be smileu, anu swung the bus out of the flea maiket. We heaueu foi
Bighway 68u. We uiove in silence foi a while. "All I've heaiu is that theie was a
man once anu things... uiun't go well." Be saiu this giavely, like he'u uiscloseu to
me that she hau bieast cancei.

"I heai she is a uecent giil, haiuwoiking anu kinu. But no khastegais, no
suitois, have knockeu on the geneial's uooi since." Baba sigheu. "It may be
unfaii, but what happens in a few uays, sometimes even a single uay, can change
the couise of a whole lifetime, Amii," he saiu.



LYINu AWAKE IN BEB that night, I thought of Soiaya Taheii's sickle-shapeu
biithmaik, hei gently hookeu nose, anu the way hei luminous eyes hau fleetingly
helu mine. Ny heait stutteieu at the thought of hei. Soiaya Taheii. Ny Swap
Neet Piincess.





TWELvE



In Afghanistan, _yelua_ is the fiist night of the month of _}aui_, the fiist night of
wintei, anu the longest night of the yeai. As was the tiauition, Bassan anu I useu
to stay up late, oui feet tuckeu unuei the kuisi, while Ali tosseu apple skin into
the stove anu tolu us ancient tales of sultans anu thieves to pass that longest of
nights. It was fiom Ali that I leaineu the loie of _yelua_, that beuevileu moths
flung themselves at canule flames, anu wolves climbeu mountains looking foi the
sun. Ali swoie that if you ate watei melon the night of _yelua_, you woulun't get
thiisty the coming summei.

When I was oluei, I ieau in my poetiy books that _yelua_ was the stailess
night toimenteu loveis kept vigil, enuuiing the enuless uaik, waiting foi the sun
to iise anu biing with it theii loveu one. Aftei I met Soiaya Taheii, eveiy night of
the week became a _yelua_ foi me. Anu when Sunuay moinings came, I iose fiom
beu, Soiaya Taheii's biown-eyeu face alieauy in my heau. In Baba's bus, I
counteu the miles until I'u see hei sitting baiefoot, aiianging caiuboaiu boxes of
yelloweu encyclopeuias, hei heels white against the asphalt, silvei biacelets
jingling aiounu hei slenuei wiists. I'u think of the shauow hei haii cast on the
giounu when it sliu off hei back anu hung uown like a velvet cuitain. Soiaya.
Swap Neet Piincess. The moining sun to my yelua.

I inventeu excuses to stioll uown the aisle--which Baba acknowleugeu
with a playful smiik--anu pass the Taheiis' stanu. I woulu wave at the geneial,
peipetually uiesseu in his shiny ovei-piesseu giay suit, anu he woulu wave back.
Sometimes he'u get up fiom his uiiectoi's chaii anu we'u make small talk about
my wiiting, the wai, the uay's baigains. Anu I'u have to will my eyes not to peel
away, not to wanuei to wheie Soiaya sat ieauing a papeiback. The geneial anu I
woulu say oui goou-byes anu I'u tiy not to slouch as I walkeu away.

Sometimes she sat alone, the geneial off to some othei iow to socialize,
anu I woulu walk by, pietenuing not to know hei, but uying to. Sometimes she
was theie with a poitly miuule-ageu woman with pale skin anu uyeu ieu haii. I
piomiseu myself that I woulu talk to hei befoie the summei was ovei, but
schools ieopeneu, the leaves ieuueneu, yelloweu, anu fell, the iains of wintei
swept in anu wakeneu Baba's joints, baby leaves spiouteu once moie, anu I still
haun't hau the heait, the uil, to even look hei in the eye.

The spiing quaitei enueu in late Nay 198S. I aceu all of my geneial
euucation classes, which was a minoi miiacle given how I'u sit in lectuies anu
think of the soft hook of Soiaya's nose.

Then, one swelteiing Sunuay that summei, Baba anu I weie at the flea
maiket, sitting at oui booth, fanning oui faces with news papeis. Bespite the sun
beaiing uown like a bianuing iion, the maiket was ciowueu that uay anu sales
hau been stiong--it was only 12:Su but we'u alieauy maue $16u. I got up,
stietcheu, anu askeu Baba if he wanteu a Coke. Be saiu he'u love one.

"Be caieful, Amii," he saiu as I began to walk. "0f what, Baba."

"I am not an ahmaq, so uon't play stupiu with me."

"I uon't know what you'ie talking about."

"Remembei this," Baba saiu, pointing at me, "The man is a Pashtun to the
ioot. Be has nang anu namoos." Nang. Namoos. Bonoi anu piiue. The tenets of
Pashtun men. Especially when it came to the chastity of a wife. 0i a uaughtei.

"I'm only going to get us uiinks."

"}ust uon't embaiiass me, that's all I ask."

"I won't. uou, Baba."

Baba lit a cigaiette anu staiteu fanning himself again.

I walkeu towaiu the concession booth initially, then tuineu left at the T-
shiit stanu--wheie, foi $S, you coulu have the face of }esus, Elvis, }im Noiiison,
oi all thiee, piesseu on a white nylon T-shiit. Naiiachi music playeu oveiheau,
anu I smelleu pickles anu giilleu meat.

I spotteu the Taheiis' giay van two iows fiom ouis, next to a kiosk selling
mango-on-a-stick. She was alone, ieauing. White ankle-length summei uiess
touay. 0pen-toeu sanuals. Baii pulleu back anu ciowneu with a tulip-shapeu bun.
I meant to simply walk by again anu I thought I hau, except suuuenly I was
stanuing at the euge of the Taheiis' white tablecloth, staiing at Soiaya acioss
cuiling iions anu olu neckties. She lookeu up.

"Salaam," I saiu. "I'm soiiy to be mozahem, I uiun't mean to uistuib you."

"Salaam."

"Is ueneial Sahib heie touay." I saiu. Ny eais weie buining. I coulun't
biing myself to look hei in the eye.

"Be went that way," she saiu. Pointeu to hei iight. The biacelet slippeu
uown to hei elbow, silvei against olive.

"Will you tell him I stoppeu by to pay my iespects." I saiu.

"I will."

"Thank you," I saiu. "0h, anu my name is Amii. In case you neeu to know.
So you can tell him. That I stoppeu by. To... pay my iespects."

"Yes."

I shifteu on my feet, cleaieu my thioat. "I'll go now. Soiiy to have
uistuibeu you."

"Nay, you uiun't," she saiu.

"0h. uoou." I tippeu my heau anu gave hei a half smile. "I'll go now."
Baun't I alieauy saiu that. "Khoua hafez."

"Khoua hafez."

I began to walk. Stoppeu anu tuineu. I saiu it befoie I hau a chance to lose
my neive: "Can I ask what you'ie ieauing."

She blinkeu.

I helu my bieath. Suuuenly, I felt the collective eyes of the flea maiket
Afghans shift to us. I imagineu a hush falling. Lips stopping in miu-sentence.
Beaus tuining. Eyes naiiowing with keen inteiest.

What was this. 0p to that point, oui encountei coulu have been
inteipieteu as a iespectful inquiiy, one man asking foi the wheieabouts of
anothei man. But I'u askeu hei a question anu if she answeieu, we'u be... well,
we'u be chatting. Ne a mojaiau, a single young man, anu she an unweu young
woman. 0ne with a histoiy, no less. This was teeteiing uangeiously on the veige
of gossip mateiial, anu the best kinu of it. Poison tongues woulu flap. Anu she
woulu beai the biunt of that poison, not me--I was fully awaie of the Afghan
uouble stanuaiu that favoieu my genuei. Not Biu you see him chatting with hei.
but Wooooy! Biu you see how she woulun't let him go. What a lochak!

By Afghan stanuaius, my question hau been bolu. With it, I hau baieu
myself, anu left little uoubt as to my inteiest in hei. But I was a man, anu all I hau
iiskeu was a biuiseu ego. Biuises healeu. Reputations uiu not. Woulu she take
my uaie. She tuineu the book so the covei faceu me. Wutheiing Beights. "Bave
you ieau it." she saiu.

I nouueu. I coulu feel the pulsating beat of my heait behinu my eyes. "It's
a sau stoiy."

"Sau stoiies make goou books," she saiu.

"They uo."

"I heaiu you wiite."

Bow uiu she know. I wonueieu if hei fathei hau tolu hei, maybe she hau
askeu him. I immeuiately uismisseu both scenaiios as absuiu. Fatheis anu sons
coulu talk fieely about women. But no Afghan giil--no uecent anu mohtaiam
Afghan giil, at least--queiieu hei fathei about a young man. Anu no fathei,
especially a Pashtun with nang anu namoos, woulu uiscuss a mojaiau with his
uaughtei, not unless the fellow in question was a khastegai, a suitoi, who hau
uone the honoiable thing anu sent his fathei to knock on the uooi.

Incieuibly, I heaiu myself say, "Woulu you like to ieau one of my stoiies."

"I woulu like that," she saiu. I senseu an unease in hei now, saw it in the
way hei eyes began to flick siue to siue. Naybe checking foi the geneial. I
wonueieu what he woulu say if he founu me speaking foi such an inappiopiiate
length of time with his uaughtei.

"Naybe I'll biing you one someuay," I saiu. I was about to say moie when
the woman I'u seen on occasion with Soiaya came walking up the aisle. She was
caiiying a plastic bag full of fiuit. When she saw us, hei eyes bounceu fiom
Soiaya to me anu back. She smileu.

"Amii jan, goou to see you," she saiu, unloauing the bag on the tablecloth.
Bei biow glisteneu with a sheen of sweat. Bei ieu haii, coiffeu like a helmet,
glitteieu in the sunlight--I coulu see bits of hei scalp wheie the haii hau thinneu.
She hau small gieen eyes buiieu in a cabbage-iounu face, cappeu teeth, anu little
fingeis like sausages. A goluen Allah iesteu on hei chest, the chain buiioweu
unuei the skin tags anu folus of hei neck. "I am }amila, Soiaya jan's mothei."

"Salaam, Khala jan," I saiu, embaiiasseu, as I often was aiounu Afghans,
that she knew me anu I hau no iuea who she was.

"Bow is youi fathei." she saiu.

"Be's well, thank you."

"You know, youi gianufathei, uhazi Sahib, the juuge. Now, his uncle anu
my gianufathei weie cousins," she saiu. "So you see, we'ie ielateu." She smileu a
cap-tootheu smile, anu I noticeu the iight siue of hei mouth uiooping a little. Bei
eyes moveu between Soiaya anu me again.

I'u askeu Baba once why ueneial Taheii's uaughtei haun't maiiieu yet.
No suitois, Baba saiu. No suitable suitois, he amenueu. But he woulun't say
moie--Baba knew how lethal iule talk coulu piove to a young woman's piospects
of maiiying well. Afghan men, especially those fiom ieputable families, weie
fickle cieatuies. A whispei heie, an insinuation theie, anu they fleu like staitleu
biius. So weuuings hau come anu gone anu no one hau sung ahesta boio foi
Soiaya, no one hau painteu hei palms with henna, no one hau helu a Koian ovei
hei heauuiess, anu it hau been ueneial Taheii who'u uanceu with hei at eveiy
weuuing.

Anu now, this woman, this mothei, with hei heaitbieakingly eagei,
ciookeu smile anu the baiely veileu hope in hei eyes. I ciingeu a little at the
position of powei I'u been gianteu, anu all because I hau won at the genetic
lotteiy that hau ueteimineu my sex.

I coulu nevei ieau the thoughts in the geneial's eyes, but I knew this
much about his wife: If I was going to have an auveisaiy in this--whatevei this
was--it woulu not be hei.

"Sit uown, Amii jan," she saiu. "Soiaya, get him a chaii, hachem. Anu wash
one of those peaches. They'ie sweet anu fiesh."

"Nay, thank you," I saiu. "I shoulu get going. Ny fathei's waiting."

"0h." Khanum Taheii saiu, cleaily impiesseu that I'u uone the polite
thing anu ueclineu the offei. "Then heie, at least have this." She thiew a hanuful
of kiwis anu a few peaches into a papei bag anu insisteu I take them. "Caiiy my
Salaam to youi fathei. Anu come back to see us again."

"I will. Thank you, Khala jan," I saiu. 0ut of the coinei of my eye, I saw
Soiaya looking away.



"I TB00uBT Y00 WERE uETTINu C0KES," Baba saiu, taking the bag of peaches
fiom me. Be was looking at me in a simultaneously seiious anu playful way. I
began to make something up, but he bit into a peach anu waveu his hanu, "Bon't
bothei, Amii. }ust iemembei what I saiu."



TBAT NIuBT IN BEB, I thought of the way uappleu sunlight hau uanceu in
Soiaya's eyes, anu of the uelicate hollows above hei collaibone. I ieplayeu oui
conveisation ovei anu ovei in my heau. Bau she saiu I heaiu you wiite oi I heaiu
you'ie a wiitei. Which was it. I tosseu in my sheets anu staieu at the ceiling,
uismayeu at the thought of six laboiious, inteiminable nights of yelua until I saw
hei again.



IT WENT 0N LIKE TBAT foi a few weeks. I'u wait until the geneial went foi a
stioll, then I'u walk past the Taheiis' stanu. If Khanum Taheii was theie, she'u
offei me tea anu a kolcha anu we'u chat about Kabul in the olu uays, the people
we knew, hei aithiitis. 0nuoubteuly, she hau noticeu that my appeaiances
always coinciueu with hei husbanu's absences, but she nevei let on. "0h you just
misseu youi Kaka," she'u say. I actually likeu it when Khanum Taheii was theie,
anu not just because of hei amiable ways; Soiaya was moie ielaxeu, moie
talkative with hei mothei aiounu. As if hei piesence legitimizeu whatevei was
happening between us--though ceitainly not to the same uegiee that the
geneial's woulu have. Khanum Taheii's chapeioning maue oui meetings, if not
gossip-pioof, then less gossip-woithy, even if hei boiueiline fawning on me
cleaily embaiiasseu Soiaya.

0ne uay, Soiaya anu I weie alone at theii booth, talking. She was telling
me about school, how she too was woiking on hei geneial euucation classes, at
0hlone }unioi College in Fiemont.

"What will you majoi in."

"I want to be a teachei," she saiu.

"Really. Why."

"I've always wanteu to. When we liveu in viiginia, I became ESL ceitifieu
anu now I teach at the public libiaiy one night a week. Ny mothei was a teachei
too, she taught Faisi anu histoiy at Zaighoona Bigh School foi giils in Kabul."

A potbellieu man in a ueeistalkei hat offeieu thiee uollais foi a five-uollai
set of canulesticks anu Soiaya let him have it. She uioppeu the money in a little
canuy box by hei feet. She lookeu at me shyly. "I want to tell you a stoiy," she
saiu, "but I'm a little embaiiasseu about it."

"Tell me."

"It's kinu of silly."

"Please tell me."

She laugheu. "Well, when I was in fouith giaue in Kabul, my fathei hiieu a
woman nameu Ziba to help aiounu the house. She hau a sistei in Iian, in Nashau,
anu, since Ziba was illiteiate, she'u ask me to wiite hei sistei letteis once in a
while. Anu when the sistei ieplieu, I'u ieau hei lettei to Ziba. 0ne uay, I askeu
hei if she'u like to leain to ieau anu wiite. She gave me this big smile, ciinkling
hei eyes, anu saiu she'u like that veiy much. So we'u sit at the kitchen table aftei
I was uone with my own schoolwoik anu I'u teach hei Alef-beh. I iemembei
looking up sometimes in the miuule of homewoik anu seeing Ziba in the kitchen,
stiiiing meat in the piessuie cookei, then sitting uown with a pencil to uo the
alphabet homewoik I'u assigneu to hei the night befoie.

"Anyway, within a yeai, Ziba coulu ieau chiluien's books. We sat in the
yaiu anu she ieau me the tales of Baia anu Saia--slowly but coiiectly. She
staiteu calling me Noalem Soiaya, Teachei Soiaya." She laugheu again. "I know it
sounus chiluish, but the fiist time Ziba wiote hei own lettei, I knew theie was
nothing else I'u evei want to be but a teachei. I was so piouu of hei anu I felt I'u
uone something ieally woithwhile, you know."

"Yes," I lieu. I thought of how I hau useu my liteiacy to iiuicule Bassan.
Bow I hau teaseu him about big woius he uiun't know.

"Ny fathei wants me to go to law school, my mothei's always thiowing
hints about meuical school, but I'm going to be a teachei. Boesn't pay much heie,
but it's what I want."

"Ny mothei was a teachei too," I saiu.

"I know," she saiu. "Ny mothei tolu me." Then hei face ieu uenieu with a
blush at what she hau bluiteu, at the implication of hei answei, that "Amii
Conveisations" took place between them when I wasn't theie. It took an
enoimous effoit to stop myself fiom smiling.

"I biought you something." I fisheu the ioll of stapleu pages fiom my back
pocket. "As piomiseu." I hanueu hei one of my shoit stoiies.

"0h, you iemembeieu," she saiu, actually beaming. "Thank you!" I baiely
hau time to iegistei that she'u auuiesseu me with "tu" foi the fiist time anu not
the foimal "shoma," because suuuenly hei smile vanisheu. The coloi uioppeu
fiom hei face, anu hei eyes fixeu on something behinu me. I tuineu aiounu.
Came face-to-face with ueneial Taheii.

"Amii jan. 0ui aspiiing stoiytellei. What a pleasuie," he saiu. Be was
smiling thinly.

"Salaam, ueneial Sahib," I saiu thiough heavy lips.

Be moveu past me, towaiu the booth. "What a beautiful uay it is, nay." he
saiu, thumb hookeu in the bieast pocket of his vest, the othei hanu extenueu
towaiu Soiaya. She gave him the pages.

"They say it will iain this week. Baiu to believe, isn't it." Be uioppeu the
iolleu pages in the gaibage can. Tuineu to me anu gently put a hanu on my
shouluei. We took a few steps togethei.

"You know, bachem, I have giown iathei fonu of you. You aie a uecent
boy, I ieally believe that, but--" he sigheu anu waveu a hanu "--even uecent boys
neeu ieminuing sometimes. So it's my uuty to ieminu you that you aie among
peeis in this flea maiket." Be stoppeu. Bis expiessionless eyes boie into mine.
"You see, eveiyone heie is a stoiytellei." Be smileu, ievealing peifectly even
teeth. "Bo pass my iespects to youi fathei, Amii jan."

Be uioppeu his hanu. Smileu again.



"WBAT'S WR0Nu." Baba saiu. Be was taking an elueily woman's money foi a
iocking hoise.

"Nothing," I saiu. I sat uown on an olu Tv set. Then I tolu him anyway.

"Akh, Amii," he sigheu.

As it tuineu out, I uiun't get to bioou too much ovei what hau happeneu.

Because latei that week, Baba caught a colu.



IT STARTEB WITB A BACKINu C00uB anu the sniffles. Be got ovei the sniffles,
but the cough peisisteu. Be'u hack into his hanukeichief, stow it in his pocket. I
kept aftei him to get it checkeu, but he'u wave me away. Be hateu uoctois anu
hospitals. To my knowleuge, the only time Baba hau evei gone to a uoctoi was
the time he'u caught malaiia in Inuia.

Then, two weeks latei, I caught him coughing a wau of bloou-staineu
phlegm into the toilet.

"Bow long have you been uoing that." I saiu.

"What's foi uinnei." he saiu.

"I'm taking you to the uoctoi."

Even though Baba was a managei at the gas station, the ownei haun't
offeieu him health insuiance, anu Baba, in his iecklessness, haun't insisteu. So I
took him to the county hospital in San }ose. The sallow, puffy-eyeu uoctoi who
saw us intiouuceu himself as a seconu-yeai iesiuent. "Be looks youngei than you
anu sickei than me," Baba giumbleu. The iesiuent sent us uown foi a chest X-iay.
When the nuise calleu us back in, the iesiuent was filling out a foim.

"Take this to the fiont uesk," he saiu, sciibbling quickly.

"What is it." I askeu.

"A iefeiial." Sciibble sciibble.

"Foi what."

"Pulmonaiy clinic."

"What's that."

Be gave me a quick glance. Pusheu up his glasses. Began sciibbling again.
"Be's got a spot on his iight lung. I want them to check it out."

"A spot." I saiu, the ioom suuuenly too small.

"Cancei." Baba auueu casually.

"Possible. It's suspicious, anyway," the uoctoi mutteieu.

"Can't you tell us moie." I askeu.

"Not ieally. Neeu a CAT scan fiist, then see the lung uoctoi." Be hanueu
me the iefeiial foim. "You saiu youi fathei smokes, iight."

"Yes."

Be nouueu. Lookeu fiom me to Baba anu back again. "They'll call you
within two weeks."

I wanteu to ask him how I was supposeu to live with that woiu,
"suspicious," foi two whole weeks. Bow was I supposeu eat, woik, stuuy. Bow
coulu he senu me home with that woiu. I took the foim anu tuineu it in. That
night, I waiteu until Baba fell asleep, anu then folueu a blanket. I useu it as a
piayei iug. Bowing my heau to the giounu, I ieciteu half-foigotten veises fiom
the Koian--veises the mullah hau maue us commit to memoiy in Kabul--anu
askeu foi kinuness fiom a uou I wasn't suie existeu. I envieu the mullah now,
envieu his faith anu ceitainty.

Two weeks passeu anu no one calleu. Anu when I calleu them, they tolu
me they'u lost the iefeiial. Was I suie I hau tuineu it in. They saiu they woulu
call in anothei thiee weeks. I iaiseu hell anu baigaineu the thiee weeks uown to
one foi the CAT scan, two to see the uoctoi.

The visit with the pulmonologist, Bi. Schneiuei, was going well until Baba
askeu him wheie he was fiom. Bi. Schneiuei saiu Russia. Baba lost it.

"Excuse us, Boctoi," I saiu, pulling Baba asiue. Bi. Schneiuei smileu anu
stoou back, stethoscope still in hanu.

"Baba, I ieau Bi. Schneiuei's biogiaphy in the waiting ioom. Be was boin
in Nichigan. Nichigan! Be's Ameiican, a lot moie Ameiican than you anu I will
evei be."

"I uon't caie wheie he was boin, he's Roussi," Baba saiu, giimacing like it
was a uiity woiu. "Bis paients weie Roussi, his gianupaients weie Roussi. I
sweai on youi mothei's face I'll bieak his aim if he tiies to touch me."

"Bi. Schneiuei's paients fleu fiom Shoiawi, uon't you see. They escapeu!"

But Baba woulu heai none of it. Sometimes I think the only thing he loveu
as much as his late wife was Afghanistan, his late countiy. I almost scieameu
with fiustiation. Insteau, I sigheu anu tuineu to Bi. Schneiuei. "I'm soiiy, Boctoi.
This isn't going to woik out."

The next pulmonologist, Bi. Amani, was Iianian anu Baba appioveu. Bi.
Amani, a soft-spoken man with a ciookeu mustache anu a mane of giay haii, tolu
us he hau ievieweu the CAT scan iesults anu that he woulu have to peifoim a
pioceuuie calleu a bionchoscopy to get a piece of the lung mass foi pathology.
Be scheuuleu it foi the following week. I thankeu him as I helpeu Baba out of the
office, thinking that now I hau to live a whole week with this new woiu, "mass,"
an even moie ominous woiu than "suspicious." I wisheu Soiaya weie theie with
me.

It tuineu out that, like Satan, cancei hau many names. Baba's was calleu
"0at Cell Caicinoma." Auvanceu. Inopeiable. Baba askeu Bi. Amani foi a
piognosis. Bi. Amani bit his lip, useu the woiu "giave." "Theie is chemotheiapy,
of couise," he saiu. "But it woulu only be palliative."

"What uoes that mean." Baba askeu.

Bi. Amani sigheu. "It means it woulun't change the outcome, just piolong
it."

"That's a cleai answei, Bi. Amani. Thank you foi that," Baba saiu. "But no
chemo-meuication foi me." Be hau the same iesolveu look on his face as the uay
he'u uioppeu the stack of foou stamps on Nis. Bobbins's uesk.

"But Baba--"

"Bon't you challenge me in public, Amii. Evei. Who uo you think you aie."



TBE RAIN ueneial Taheii hau spoken about at the flea maiket was a few weeks
late, but when we steppeu out of Bi. Amani's office, passing cais spiayeu giimy
watei onto the siuewalks. Baba lit a cigaiette. Be smokeu all the way to the cai
anu all the way home.

As he was slipping the key into the lobby uooi, I saiu, "I wish you'u give
the chemo a chance, Baba."

Baba pocketeu the keys, pulleu me out of the iain anu unuei the builuing's
stiipeu awning. Be kneaueu me on the chest with the hanu holuing the cigaiette.
"Bas! I've maue my uecision."

"What about me, Baba. What am I supposeu to uo." I saiu, my eyes
welling up.

A look of uisgust swept acioss his iain-soakeu face. It was the same look
he'u give me when, as a kiu, I'u fall, sciape my knees, anu ciy. It was the ciying
that biought it on then, the ciying that biought it on now. "You'ie twenty-two
yeais olu, Amii! A giown man! You..." he openeu his mouth, closeu it, openeu it
again, ieconsiueieu. Above us, iain uiummeu on the canvas awning. "What's
going to happen to you, you say. All those yeais, that's what I was tiying to teach
you, how to nevei have to ask that question."

Be openeu the uooi. Tuineu back to me. "Anu one moie thing. No one
finus out about this, you heai me. No one. I uon't want anybouy's sympathy."
Then he uisappeaieu into the uim lobby. Be chain-smokeu the iest of that uay in
fiont of the Tv. I uiun't know what oi whom he was uefying. Ne. Bi. Amani. 0i
maybe the uou he hau nevei believeu in.



F0R A WBILE, even cancei coulun't keep Baba fiom the flea maiket. We maue
oui gaiage sale tieks on Satuiuays, Baba the uiivei anu me the navigatoi, anu set
up oui uisplay on Sunuays. Biass lamps. Baseball gloves. Ski jackets with bioken
zippeis. Baba gieeteu acquaintances fiom the olu countiy anu I haggleu with
buyeis ovei a uollai oi two. Like any of it matteieu. Like the uay I woulu become
an oiphan wasn't inching closei with each closing of shop.

Sometimes, ueneial Taheii anu his wife stiolleu by. The geneial, evei the
uiplomat, gieeteu me with a smile anu his two-hanueu shake. But theie was a
new ieticence to Khanum Taheii's uemeanoi. A ieticence bioken only by hei
seciet, uioopy smiles anu the fuitive, apologetic looks she cast my way when the
geneial's attention was engageu elsewheie.

I iemembei that peiiou as a time of many "fiists": The fiist time I heaiu
Baba moan in the bathioom. The fiist time I founu bloou on his pillow. In ovei
thiee yeais iunning the gas station, Baba hau nevei calleu in sick. Anothei fiist.

By Balloween of that yeai, Baba was getting so tiieu by miu-Satuiuay
afteinoon that he'u wait behinu the wheel while I got out anu baigaineu foi junk.
By Thanksgiving, he woie out befoie noon. When sleighs appeaieu on fiont
lawns anu fake snow on Bouglas fiis, Baba stayeu home anu I uiove the vW bus
alone up anu uown the peninsula.

Sometimes at the flea maiket, Afghan acquaintances maue iemaiks about
Baba's weight loss. At fiist, they weie complimentaiy. They even askeu the seciet
to his uiet. But the queiies anu compliments stoppeu when the weight loss
uiun't. When the pounus kept sheuuing. Anu sheuuing. When his cheeks
holloweu. Anu his temples melteu. Anu his eyes ieceueu in theii sockets.

Then, one cool Sunuay shoitly aftei New Yeai's Bay, Baba was selling a
lampshaue to a stocky Filipino man while I iummageu in the vW foi a blanket to
covei his legs with.

"Bey, man, this guy neeus help!" the Filipino man saiu with alaim. I
tuineu aiounu anu founu Baba on the giounu. Bis aims anu legs weie jeiking.

"Komak!" I ciieu. "Somebouy help!" I ian to Baba. Be was fiothing at the
mouth, the foamy spittle soaking his beaiu. Bis uptuineu eyes showeu nothing
but white.

People weie iushing to us. I heaiu someone say seizuie. Some one else
yelling, "Call 911!" I heaiu iunning footsteps. The sky uaikeneu as a ciowu
gatheieu aiounu us.

Baba's spittle tuineu ieu. Be was biting his tongue. I kneeleu besiue him
anu giabbeu his aims anu saiu I'm heie Baba, I'm heie, you'll be all iight, I'm
iight heie. As if I coulu soothe the convulsions out of him. Talk them into leaving
my Baba alone. I felt a wetness on my knees. Saw Baba's blauuei hau let go. Shhh,
Baba jan, I'm heie. Youi son is iight heie.



TBE B0CT0R, white-beaiueu anu peifectly balu, pulleu me out of the ioom. "I
want to go ovei youi fathei's CAT scans with you," he saiu. Be put the films up on
a viewing box in the hallway anu pointeu with the eiasei enu of his pencil to the
pictuies of Baba's cancei, like a cop showing mug shots of the killei to the
victim's family. Baba's biain on those pictuies lookeu like cioss sections of a big
walnut, iiuuleu with tennis ball-shapeu giay things.

"As you can see, the cancei's metastasizeu," he saiu. "Be'll have to take
steioius to ieuuce the swelling in his biain anu anti-seizuie meuications. Anu I'u
iecommenu palliative iauiation. Bo you know what that means."

I saiu I uiu. I'u become conveisant in cancei talk.

"All iight, then," he saiu. Be checkeu his beepei. "I have to go, but you can
have me pageu if you have any questions."

"Thank you."

I spent the night sitting on a chaii next to Baba's beu.



TBE NEXT N0RNINu, the waiting ioom uown the hall was jammeu with Afghans.
The butchei fiom Newaik. An engineei who'u woikeu with Baba on his
oiphanage. They fileu in anu paiu Baba theii iespects in husheu tones. Wisheu
him a swift iecoveiy. Baba was awake then, gioggy anu tiieu, but awake.

Niumoining, ueneial Taheii anu his wife came. Soiaya followeu. We
glanceu at each othei, lookeu away at the same time. "Bow aie you, my fiienu."
ueneial Taheii saiu, taking Baba's hanu.

Baba motioneu to the Iv hanging fiom his aim. Smileu thinly. The geneial
smileu back.

"You shoulun't have buiueneu youiselves. All of you," Baba cioakeu.

"It's no buiuen," Khanum Taheii saiu.

"No buiuen at all. Noie impoitantly, uo you neeu anything." ueneial
Taheii saiu.

"Anything at all. Ask me like you'u ask a biothei."

I iemembeieu something Baba hau saiu about Pashtuns once. We may be
haiuheaueu anu I know we'ie fai too piouu, but, in the houi of neeu, believe me
that theie's no one you'u iathei have at youi siue than a Pashtun.

Baba shook his heau on the pillow. "Youi coming heie has biighteneu my
eyes." The geneial smileu anu squeezeu Baba's hanu. "Bow aie you, Amii jan. Bo
you neeu anything."

The way he was looking at me, the kinuness in his eyes... "Nay thank you,
ueneial Sahib. I'm..." A lump shot up in my thioat anu my eyes teaieu ovei. I
bolteu out of the ioom.

I wept in the hallway, by the viewing box wheie, the night befoie, I'u seen
the killei's face.

Baba's uooi openeu anu Soiaya walkeu out of his ioom. She stoou neai
me. She was weaiing a giay sweatshiit anu jeans. Bei haii was uown. I wanteu to
finu comfoit in hei aims.

"I'm so soiiy, Amii," she saiu. "We all knew something was wiong, but we
hau no iuea it was this."

I blotteu my eyes with my sleeve. "Be uiun't want anyone to know."

"Bo you neeu anything."

"No." I tiieu to smile. She put hei hanu on mine. 0ui fiist touch. I took it.
Biought it to my face. Ny eyes. I let it go. "You'u bettei go back insiue. 0i youi
fathei will come aftei me."

She smileu anu nouueu. "I shoulu." She tuineu to go. "Soiaya."

"Yes."

"I'm happy you came, It means... the woilu to me."



TBEY BISCBARuEB BABA two uays latei. They biought in a specialist calleu a
iauiation oncologist to talk Baba into getting iauiation tieatment. Baba iefuseu.
They tiieu to talk me into talking him into it. But I'u seen the look on Baba's face.
I thankeu them, signeu theii foims, anu took Baba home in my Foiu Toiino.

That night, Baba was lying on the couch, a wool blanket coveiing him. I
biought him hot tea anu ioasteu almonus. Wiappeu my aims aiounu his back
anu pulleu him up much too easily. Bis shouluei blaue felt like a biiu's wing
unuei my fingeis. I pulleu the blanket back up to his chest wheie iibs stietcheu
his thin, sallow skin.

"Can I uo anything else foi you, Baba."

"Nay, bachem. Thank you."

I sat besiue him. "Then I wonuei if you'll uo something foi me. If you'ie
not too exhausteu."

"What."

"I want you to go khastegaii. I want you to ask ueneial Taheii foi his
uaughtei's hanu."

Baba's uiy lips stietcheu into a smile. A spot of gieen on a wilteu leaf. "Aie
you suie."

"Noie suie than I've evei been about anything."

"You've thought it ovei."

"Balay, Baba."

"Then give me the phone. Anu my little notebook."

I blinkeu. "Now."

"Then when."

I smileu. "0kay." I gave him the phone anu the little black notebook wheie
Baba hau sciibbleu his Afghan fiienus' numbeis.

Be lookeu up the Taheiis. Bialeu. Biought the ieceivei to his eai. Ny heait
was uoing piiouettes in my chest.

"}amila jan. Salaam alaykum," he saiu. Be intiouuceu himself. Pauseu.
"Nuch bettei, thank you. It was so giacious of you to come." Be listeneu foi a
while. Nouueu. "I'll iemembei that, thank you. Is ueneial Sahib home." Pause.
"Thank you."

Bis eyes flickeu to me. I wanteu to laugh foi some ieason. 0i scieam. I
biought the ball of my hanu to my mouth anu bit on it. Baba laugheu softly
thiough his nose.

"ueneial Sahib, Salaam alaykum... Yes, much much bettei... Balay... You'ie
so kinu. ueneial Sahib, I'm calling to ask if I may pay you anu Khanum Taheii a
visit tomoiiow moining. It's an honoiable mattei... Yes... Eleven o'clock is just
fine. 0ntil then. Khoua hafez."

Be hung up. We lookeu at each othei. I buist into giggles. Baba joineu in.



BABA WET BIS BAIR anu combeu it back. I helpeu him into a clean white shiit
anu knotteu his tie foi him, noting the two inches of empty space between the
collai button anu Baba's neck. I thought of all the empty spaces Baba woulu leave
behinu when he was gone, anu I maue myself think of something else. Be wasn't
gone. Not yet. Anu this was a uay foi goou thoughts. The jacket of his biown suit,
the one he'u woin to my giauuation, hung ovei him--too much of Baba hau
melteu away to fill it anymoie. I hau to ioll up the sleeves. I stoopeu anu tieu his
shoelaces foi him.

The Taheiis liveu in a flat, one-stoiy house in one of the iesiuential aieas
in Fiemont known foi housing a laige numbei of Afghans. It hau bay winuows, a
pitcheu ioof, anu an encloseu fiont poich on which I saw potteu geianiums. The
geneial's giay van was paikeu in the uiiveway.

I helpeu Baba out of the Foiu anu slippeu back behinu the wheel. Be
leaneu in the passengei winuow. "Be home, I'll call you in an houi."

"0kay, Baba," I saiu. "uoou luck."

Be smileu.

I uiove away. In the ieaiview miiioi, Baba was hobbling up the Taheiis'
uiiveway foi one last fatheily uuty.



I PACEB TBE LIvINu R00N of oui apaitment waiting foi Baba's call. Fifteen
paces long. Ten anu a half paces wiue. What if the geneial saiu no. What if he
hateu me. I kept going to the kitchen, checking the oven clock.

The phone iang just befoie noon. It was Baba.

"Well."

"The geneial accepteu."

I let out a buist of aii. Sat uown. Ny hanus weie shaking. "Be uiu."

"Yes, but Soiaya jan is upstaiis in hei ioom. She wants to talk to you fiist."

"0kay."

Baba saiu something to someone anu theie was a uouble click as he hung
up.

"Amii." Soiaya's voice. "Salaam."

"Ny fathei saiu yes."

"I know," I saiu. I switcheu hanus. I was smiling. "I'm so happy I uon't
know what to say."

"I'm happy too, Amii. I... can't believe this is happening."

I laugheu. "I know."

"Listen," she saiu, "I want to tell you something. Something you have to
know befoie..."

"I uon't caie what it is."

"You neeu to know. I uon't want us to stait with seciets. Anu I'u iathei
you heai it fiom me."

"If it will make you feel bettei, tell me. But it won't change anything."

Theie was a long pause at the othei enu. "When we liveu in viiginia, I ian
away with an Afghan man. I was eighteen at the time... iebellious... stupiu, anu...
he was into uiugs... We liveu togethei foi almost a month. All the Afghans in
viiginia weie talking about it.

"Pauai eventually founu us. Be showeu up at the uooi anu... maue me
come home. I was hysteiical. Yelling. Scieaming. Saying I hateu him...

"Anyway, I came home anu--" She was ciying. "Excuse me." I heaiu hei
put the phone uown. Blow hei nose. "Soiiy," she came back on, sounuing hoaise.
"When I came home, I saw my mothei hau hau a stioke, the iight siue of hei face
was paialyzeu anu... I felt so guilty. She uiun't ueseive that.

"Pauai moveu us to Califoinia shoitly aftei." A silence followeu.

"Bow aie you anu youi fathei now." I saiu.

"We've always hau oui uiffeiences, we still uo, but I'm giateful he came
foi me that uay. I ieally believe he saveu me." She pauseu. "So, uoes what I tolu
you bothei you."

"A little," I saiu. I oweu hei the tiuth on this one. I coulun't lie to hei anu
say that my piiue, my iftikhai, wasn't stung at all that she hau been with a man,
wheieas I hau nevei taken a woman to beu. It uiu bothei me a bit, but I hau
ponueieu this quite a lot in the weeks befoie I askeu Baba to go khastegaii. Anu
in the enu the question that always came back to me was this: Bow coulu I, of all
people, chastise someone foi theii past. "Boes it bothei you enough to change
youi minu."

"No, Soiaya. Not even close," I saiu. "Nothing you saiu changes anything. I
want us to maiiy."

She bioke into fiesh teais.

I envieu hei. Bei seciet was out. Spoken. Bealt with. I openeu my mouth
anu almost tolu hei how I'u betiayeu Bassan, lieu, uiiven him out, anu uestioyeu
a foity-yeai ielationship between Baba anu Ali. But I uiun't. I suspecteu theie
weie many ways in which Soiaya Taheii was a bettei peison than me. Couiage
was just one of them.





TBIRTEEN



When we aiiiveu at the Taheiis' home the next evening--foi Lafz, the ceiemony
of "giving woiu"--I hau to paik the Foiu acioss the stieet. Theii uiiveway was
alieauy jammeu with cais. I woie a navy blue suit I hau bought the pievious uay,
aftei I hau biought Baba home fiom _khastegaii_. I checkeu my tie in the
ieaiview miiioi.

"You look khoshteep," Baba saiu. Banusome.

"Thank you, Baba. Aie you all iight. Bo you feel up to this."

"0p to this. It's the happiest uay of my life, Amii," he saiu, smiling tiieuly.



I C00LB BEAR CBATTER fiom the othei siue of the uooi, laughtei, anu Afghan
music playing softly--it sounueu like a classical ghazal by 0stau Saiahang. I iang
the bell. A face peekeu thiough the cuitains of the foyei winuow anu
uisappeaieu. "They'ie heie!" I heaiu a woman's voice say. The chattei stoppeu.
Someone tuineu off the music.

Khanum Taheii openeu the uooi. "_Salaam alaykum_," she saiu, beaming.
She'u peimeu hei haii, I saw, anu woie an elegant, ankle-length black uiess.
When I steppeu into the foyei, hei eyes moisteneu. "You'ie baiely in the house
anu I'm ciying alieauy, Amii jan," she saiu. I planteu a kiss on hei hanu, just as
Baba hau instiucteu me to uo the night befoie.

She leu us thiough a biightly lit hallway to the living ioom. 0n the woou-
paneleu walls, I saw pictuies of the people who woulu become my new family: A
young bouffant-haiieu Khanum Taheii anu the geneial--Niagaia Falls in the
backgiounu; Khanum Taheii in a seamless uiess, the geneial in a naiiow-
lapelleu jacket anu thin tie, his haii full anu black; Soiaya, about to boaiu a
woouen iollei coastei, waving anu smiling, the sun glinting off the silvei wiies in
hei teeth. A photo of the geneial, uashing in full militaiy outfit, shaking hanus
with King Bussein of }oiuan. A poitiait of Zahii Shah.

The living ioom was packeu with about two uozen guests seateu on chaiis
placeu along the walls. When Baba enteieu, eveiybouy stoou up. We went
aiounu the ioom, Baba leauing slowly, me behinu him, shaking hanus anu
gieeting the guests. The geneial--still in his giay suit--anu Baba embiaceu, gently
tapping each othei on the back. They saiu theii Salaams in iespectful husheu
tones.

The geneial helu me at aim's length anu smileu knowingly, as if saying,
"Now, this is the iight way--the Afghan way--to uo it, _bachem_." We kisseu thiee
times on the cheek.

We sat in the ciowueu ioom, Baba anu I next to each othei, acioss fiom
the geneial anu his wife. Baba's bieathing hau giown a little iaggeu, anu he kept
wiping sweat off his foieheau anu scalp with his hanukeichief. Be saw me
looking at him anu manageu a stiaineu giin. I'm all iight," he moutheu.

In keeping with tiauition, Soiaya was not piesent.

A few moments of small talk anu iule chattei followeu until the geneial
cleaieu his thioat. The ioom became quiet anu eveiyone lookeu uown at theii
hanus in iespect. The geneial nouueu towaiu Baba.

Baba cleaieu his own thioat. When he began, he coulun't speak in
complete sentences without stopping to bieathe. "ueneial Sahib, Khanum }amila
jan... it's with gieat humility that my son anu I... have come to youi home touay.
You aie... honoiable people... fiom uistinguisheu anu ieputable families anu...
piouu lineage. I come with nothing but the utmost ihtiiam... anu the highest
iegaius foi you, youi family names, anu the memoiy... of youi ancestois." Be
stoppeu. Caught his bieath. Wipeu his biow. "Amii jan is my only son... my only
chilu, anu he has been a goou son to me. I hope he pioves... woithy of youi
kinuness. I ask that you honoi Amii jan anu me... anu accept my son into youi
family."

The geneial nouueu politely.

"We aie honoieu to welcome the son of a man such as youiself into oui
family," he saiu. "Youi ieputation pieceues you. I was youi humble aumiiei in
Kabul anu iemain so touay. We aie honoieu that youi family anu ouis will be
joineu.

"Amii jan, as foi you, I welcome you to my home as a son, as the husbanu
of my uaughtei who is the nooi of my eye. Youi pain will be oui pain, youi joy
oui joy. I hope that you will come to see youi Khala }amila anu me as a seconu set
of paients, anu I piay foi youi anu oui lovely Soiaya jan's happiness. You both
have oui blessings."

Eveiyone applauueu, anu with that signal, heaus tuineu towaiu the
hallway. The moment I'u waiteu foi.

Soiaya appeaieu at the enu. Biesseu in a stunning wine-coloieu
tiauitional Afghan uiess with long sleeves anu golu tiimmings. Baba's hanu took
mine anu tighteneu. Khanum Taheii buist into fiesh teais. Slowly, Soiaya came
to us, taileu by a piocession of young female ielatives.

She kisseu my fathei's hanus. Sat besiue me at last, hei eyes uowncast.

The applause swelleu.



ACC0RBINu T0 TRABITI0N, Soiaya's family woulu have thiown the engagement
paity the Shiiini-khoii--oi "Eating of the Sweets" ceiemony. Then an
engagement peiiou woulu have followeu which woulu have lasteu a few months.
Then the weuuing, which woulu be paiu foi by Baba.

We all agieeu that Soiaya anu I woulu foigo the Shiiini-khoii. Eveiyone
knew the ieason, so no one hau to actually say it: that Baba uiun't have months
to live.

Soiaya anu I nevei went out alone togethei while piepaiations foi the
weuuing pioceeueu--since we weien't maiiieu yet, haun't even hau a Shiiini-
khoii, it was consiueieu impiopei. So I hau to make uo with going ovei to the
Taheiis with Baba foi uinnei. Sit acioss fiom Soiaya at the uinnei table. Imagine
what it woulu be like to feel hei heau on my chest, smell hei haii. Kiss hei. Nake
love to hei.

Baba spent $SS,uuu, neaily the balance of his life savings, on the
awioussi, the weuuing ceiemony. Be ienteu a laige Afghan banquet hall in
Fiemont--the man who owneu it knew him fiom Kabul anu gave him a
substantial uiscount. Baba paiu foi the chilas, oui matching weuuing banus, anu
foi the uiamonu iing I pickeu out. Be bought my tuxeuo, anu my tiauitional
gieen suit foi the nika--the sweaiing ceiemony. Foi all the fienzieu piepaiations
that went into the weuuing night--most of it, blesseuly, by Khanum Taheii anu
hei fiienus--I iemembei only a hanuful of moments fiom it.

I iemembei oui nika. We weie seateu aiounu a table, Soiaya anu I
uiesseu in gieen--the coloi of Islam, but also the coloi of spiing anu new
beginnings. I woie a suit, Soiaya (the only woman at the table) a veileu long-
sleeveu uiess. Baba, ueneial Taheii (in a tuxeuo this time), anu seveial of
Soiaya's uncles weie also piesent at the table. Soiaya anu I lookeu uown,
solemnly iespectful, casting only siueways glances at each othei. The mullah
questioneu the witnesses anu ieau fiom the Koian. We saiu oui oaths. Signeu the
ceitificates. 0ne of Soiaya's uncles fiom viiginia, Shaiif jan, Khanum Taheii's
biothei, stoou up anu cleaieu his thioat. Soiaya hau tolu me that he hau liveu in
the 0.S. foi moie than twenty yeais. Be woikeu foi the INS anu hau an Ameiican
wife. Be was also a poet. A small man with a biiulike face anu fluffy haii, he ieau
a lengthy poem ueuicateu to Soiaya, jotteu uown on hotel stationeiy papei. "Wah
wah, Shaiif jan!" eveiyone exclaimeu when he finisheu.

I iemembei walking towaiu the stage, now in my tuxeuo, Soiaya a veileu
pan in white, oui hanus lockeu. Baba hobbleu next to me, the geneial anu his
wife besiue theii uaughtei. A piocession of uncles, aunts, anu cousins followeu as
we maue oui way thiough the hall, paiting a sea of applauuing guests, blinking at
flashing cameias. 0ne of Soiaya's cousins, Shaiif jan's son, helu a Koian ovei oui
heaus as we incheu along. The weuuing song, ahesta boio, blaieu fiom the
speakeis, the same song the Russian soluiei at the Nahipai checkpoint hau sung
the night Baba anu I left Kabul: Nake moining into a key anu thiow it into the
well, uo slowly, my lovely moon, go slowly. Let the moining sun foiget to iise in
the east, uo slowly, my lovely moon, go slowly.

I iemembei sitting on the sofa, set on the stage like a thione, Soiaya's
hanu in mine, as thiee hunuieu oi so faces lookeu on. We uiu Ayena Nasshaf,
wheie they gave us a miiioi anu thiew a veil ovei oui heaus, so we'u be alone to
gaze at each othei's ieflection. Looking at Soiaya's smiling face in that miiioi, in
the momentaiy piivacy of the veil, I whispeieu to hei foi the fiist time that I
loveu hei. A blush, ieu like henna, bloomeu on hei cheeks.

I pictuie coloiful platteis of chopan kabob, sholeh-goshti, anu wilu-oiange
iice. I see Baba between us on the sofa, smiling. I iemembei sweat-uiencheu
men uancing the tiauitional attan in a ciicle, bouncing, spinning fastei anu fastei
with the feveiish tempo of the tabla, until all but a few uioppeu out of the iing
with exhaustion. I iemembei wishing Rahim Khan weie theie.

Anu I iemembei wonueiing if Bassan too hau maiiieu. Anu if so, whose
face he hau seen in the miiioi unuei the veil. Whose henna-painteu hanus hau
he helu.



AR00NB 2 A.N., the paity moveu fiom the banquet hall to Baba's apaitment. Tea
floweu once moie anu music playeu until the neighbois calleu the cops. Latei
that night, the sun less than an houi fiom iising anu the guests finally gone,
Soiaya anu I lay togethei foi the fiist time. All my life, I'u been aiounu men. That
night, I uiscoveieu the tenueiness of a woman.



IT WAS S0RAYA who suggesteu that she move in with Baba anu me.

"I thought you might want us to have oui own place," I saiu.

"With Kaka jan as sick as he is." she ieplieu. Bei eyes tolu me that was no
way to stait a maiiiage. I kisseu hei. "Thank you."

Soiaya ueuicateu heiself to taking caie of my fathei. She maue his toast
anu tea in the moining, anu helpeu him in anu out of beu. She gave him his pain
pills, washeu his clothes, ieau him the inteinational section of the newspapei
eveiy afteinoon, She cookeu his favoiite uish, potato shoiwa, though he coulu
scaicely eat moie than a few spoonfuls, anu took him out eveiy uay foi a biief
walk aiounu the block. Anu when he became beuiiuuen, she tuineu him on his
siue eveiy houi so he woulun't get a beusoie.

0ne uay, I came home fiom the phaimacy with Baba's moiphine pills. }ust
as I shut the uooi, I caught a glimpse of Soiaya quickly sliuing something unuei
Baba's blanket. "Bey, I saw that! What weie you two uoing." I saiu.

"Nothing," Soiaya saiu, smiling.

"Liai." I lifteu Baba's blanket. "What's this." I saiu, though as soon as I
pickeu up the leathei-bounu book, I knew. I tiaceu my fingeis along the golu-
stitcheu boiueis. I iemembeieu the fiie woiks the night Rahim Khan hau given it
to me, the night of my thiiteenth biithuay, flaies sizzling anu explouing into
bouquets of ieu, gieen, anu yellow.

"I can't believe you can wiite like this," Soiaya saiu.

Baba uiaggeu his heau off the pillow. "I put hei up to it. I hope you uon't
minu."

I gave the notebook back to Soiaya anu left the ioom. Baba hateu it when I
ciieu.



A N0NTB AFTER TBE WEBBINu, the Taheiis, Shaiif, his wife Suzy, anu seveial
of Soiaya's aunts came ovei to oui apaitment foi uinnei. Soiaya maue sabzi
challow--white iice with spinach anu lamb. Aftei uinnei, we all hau gieen tea anu
playeu caius in gioups of foui. Soiaya anu I playeu with Shaiif anu Suzy on the
coffee table, next to the couch wheie Baba lay unuei a wool blanket. Be watcheu
me joking with Shaiif, watcheu Soiaya anu me lacing oui fingeis togethei,
watcheu me push back a loose cuil of hei haii. I coulu see his inteinal smile, as
wiue as the skies of Kabul on nights when the poplais shiveieu anu the sounu of
ciickets swelleu in the gaiuens.

}ust befoie miunight, Baba askeu us to help him into beu. Soiaya anu I
placeu his aims on oui shoulueis anu wiappeu ouis aiounu his back. When we
loweieu him, he hau Soiaya tuin off the beusiue lamp. Be askeu us to lean in,
gave us each a kiss.

"I'll come back with youi moiphine anu a glass of watei, Kaka jan," Soiaya
saiu.

"Not tonight," he saiu. "Theie is no pain tonight."

"0kay," she saiu. She pulleu up his blanket. We closeu the uooi. Baba
nevei woke up.



TBEY FILLEB TBE PARKINu SP0TS at the mosque in Baywaiu. 0n the baluing
giass fielu behinu the builuing, cais anu S0vs paikeu in ciowueu makeshift
iows. People hau to uiive thiee oi foui blocks noith of the mosque to finu a spot.

The men's section of the mosque was a laige squaie ioom, coveieu with
Afghan iugs anu thin mattiesses placeu in paiallel lines. Nen fileu into the ioom,
leaving theii shoes at the entiance, anu sat cioss-leggeu on the mattiesses. A
mullah chanteu suiiahs fiom the Koian into a miciophone. I sat by the uooi, the
customaiy position foi the family of the ueceaseu. ueneial Taheii was seateu
next to me.

Thiough the open uooi, I coulu see lines of cais pulling in, sunlight
winking in theii winushielus. They uioppeu off passengeis, men uiesseu in uaik
suits, women clau in black uiesses, theii heaus coveieu with tiauitional white
hijabs.

As woius fiom the Koian ieveibeiateu thiough the ioom, I thought of the
olu stoiy of Baba wiestling a black beai in Baluchistan. Baba hau wiestleu beais
his whole life. Losing his young wife. Raising a son by himself. Leaving his
beloveu homelanu, his watan. Poveity. Inuignity. In the enu, a beai hau come that
he coulun't best. But even then, he hau lost on his own teims.

Aftei each iounu of piayeis, gioups of mouineis lineu up anu gieeteu me
on theii way out. Butifully, I shook theii hanus. Nany of them I baiely knew. I
smileu politely, thankeu them foi theii wishes, listeneu to whatevei they hau to
say about Baba.

..helpeu me builu the house in Taimani..." bless him...

..no one else to tuin to anu he lent me..."

"...founu me a job... baiely knew me..."

"...like a biothei to me..."

Listening to them, I iealizeu how much of who I was, what I was, hau been
uefineu by Baba anu the maiks he hau left on people's lives. Ny whole life, I hau
been "Baba's son." Now he was gone. Baba coulun't show me the way anymoie;
I'u have to finu it on my own.

The thought of it teiiifieu me.

Eailiei, at the giavesite in the small Nuslim section of the cemeteiy, I hau
watcheu them lowei Baba into the hole. The mullah anu anothei man got into an
aigument ovei which was the coiiect ayat of the Koian to iecite at the giavesite.
It might have tuineu ugly hau ueneial Taheii not inteiveneu. The mullah chose
an ayat anu ieciteu it, casting the othei fellow nasty glances. I watcheu them toss
the fiist shovelful of uiit into the giave. Then I left. Walkeu to the othei siue of
the cemeteiy. Sat in the shaue of a ieu maple.

Now the last of the mouineis hau paiu theii iespects anu the mosque was
empty, save foi the mullah unplugging the miciophone anu wiapping his Koian
in gieen cloth. The geneial anu I steppeu out into a late-afteinoon sun. We
walkeu uown the steps, past men smoking in clusteis. I heaiu snippets of theii
conveisations, a soccei game in 0nion City next weekenu, a new Afghan
iestauiant in Santa Claia. Life moving on alieauy, leaving Baba behinu.

"Bow aie you, bachem." ueneial Taheii saiu.

I giitteu my teeth. Bit back the teais that hau thieateneu all uay. "I'm
going to finu Soiaya," I saiu.

"0kay."

I walkeu to the women's siue of the mosque. Soiaya was stanuing on the
steps with hei mothei anu a couple of lauies I iecognizeu vaguely fiom the
weuuing. I motioneu to Soiaya. She saiu something to hei mothei anu came to
me.

"Can we walk." I saiu.

"Suie." She took my hanu.

We walkeu in silence uown a winuing giavel path lineu by a iow of low
heuges. We sat on a bench anu watcheu an elueily couple kneeling besiue a giave
a few iows away anu placing a bouquet of uaisies by the heaustone. "Soiaya."

"Yes."

"I'm going to miss him."

She put hei hanu on my lap. Baba's chila glinteu on hei iing fingei. Behinu
hei, I coulu see Baba's mouineis uiiving away on Nission Boulevaiu. Soon we'u
leave too, anu foi the fiist time evei, Baba woulu be all alone.

Soiaya pulleu me to hei anu the teais finally came.



BECA0SE S0RAYA ANB I nevei hau an engagement peiiou, much of what I
leaineu about the Taheiis I leaineu aftei I maiiieu into theii family. Foi example,
I leaineu that, once a month, the geneial suffeieu fiom blinuing migiaines that
lasteu almost a week. When the heauaches stiuck, the geneial went to his ioom,
unuiesseu, tuineu off the light, lockeu the uooi, anu uiun't come out until the
pain subsiueu. No one was alloweu to go in, no one was alloweu to knock.
Eventually, he woulu emeige, uiesseu in his giay suit once moie, smelling of
sleep anu beu sheets, his eyes puffy anu blooushot. I leaineu fiom Soiaya that he
anu Khanum Taheii hau slept in sepaiate iooms foi as long as she coulu
iemembei. I leaineu that he coulu be petty, such as when he'u take a bite of the
_quima_ his wife placeu befoie him, sigh, anu push it away. "I'll make you
something else," Khanum Taheii woulu say, but he'u ignoie hei, sulk, anu eat
bieau anu onion. This maue Soiaya angiy anu hei mothei ciy. Soiaya tolu me he
took antiuepiessants. I leaineu that he hau kept his family on welfaie anu hau
nevei helu a job in the 0.S., piefeiiing to cash goveinment-issueu checks than
uegiauing himself with woik unsuitable foi a man of his statuie--he saw the flea
maiket only as a hobby, a way to socialize with his fellow Afghans. The geneial
believeu that, soonei oi latei, Afghanistan woulu be fieeu, the monaichy
iestoieu, anu his seivices woulu once again be calleu upon. So eveiy uay, he
uonneu his giay suit, wounu his pocket watch, anu waiteu.

I leaineu that Khanum Taheii--whom I calleu Khala }amila now--hau once
been famous in Kabul foi hei enchanting singing voice. Though she hau nevei
sung piofessionally, she hau hau the talent to--I leaineu she coulu sing folk
songs, ghazals, even iaga, which was usually a man's uomain. But as much as the
geneial appieciateu listening to music--he owneu, in fact, a consiueiable
collection of classical ghazal tapes by Afghan anu Binui singeis--he believeu the
peifoiming of it best left to those with lessei ieputations. That she nevei sing in
public hau been one of the geneial's conuitions when they hau maiiieu. Soiaya
tolu me that hei mothei hau wanteu to sing at oui weuuing, only one song, but
the geneial gave hei one of his looks anu the mattei was buiieu. Khala }amila
playeu the lotto once a week anu watcheu }ohnny Caison eveiy night. She spent
hei uays in the gaiuen, tenuing to hei ioses, geianiums, potato vines, anu
oichius.

When I maiiieu Soiaya, the floweis anu }ohnny Caison took a backseat. I
was the new uelight in Khala }amila's life. 0nlike the geneial's guaiueu anu
uiplomatic manneis--he uiun't coiiect me when I continueu to call him "ueneial
Sahib"--Khala }amila maue no seciet of how much she auoieu me. Foi one thing, I
listeneu to hei impiessive list of malauies, something the geneial hau long
tuineu a ueaf eai to. Soiaya tolu me that, evei since hei mothei's stioke, eveiy
fluttei in hei chest was a heait attack, eveiy aching joint the onset of iheumatoiu
aithiitis, anu eveiy twitch of the eye anothei stioke. I iemembei the fiist time
Khala }amila mentioneu a lump in hei neck to me. "I'll skip school tomoiiow anu
take you to the uoctoi," I saiu, to which the geneial smileu anu saiu, "Then you
might as well tuin in youi books foi goou, bachem. Youi khala's meuical chaits
aie like the woiks of Rumi: They come in volumes."

But it wasn't just that she'u founu an auuience foi hei monologues of
illness. I fiimly believeu that if I hau pickeu up a iifle anu gone on a muiueiing
iampage, I woulu have still hau the benefit of hei unblinking love. Because I hau
iiu hei heait of its giavest malauy. I hau ielieveu hei of the gieatest feai of eveiy
Afghan mothei: that no honoiable khastegai woulu ask foi hei uaughtei's hanu.
That hei uaughtei woulu age alone, husbanuless, chiluless. Eveiy woman neeueu
a husbanu. Even if he uiu silence the song in hei.

Anu, fiom Soiaya, I leaineu the uetails of what hau happeneu in viiginia.

We weie at a weuuing. Soiaya's uncle, Shaiif, the one who woikeu foi the
INS, was maiiying his son to an Afghan giil fiom Newaik. The weuuing was at
the same hall wheie, six months piioi, Soiaya anu I hau hau oui awioussi. We
weie stanuing in a ciowu of guests, watching the biiue accept iings fiom the
gioom's family, when we oveiheaiu two miuule-ageu women talking, theii backs
to us.

"What a lovely biiue," one of them saiu, "}ust look at hei. So maghbool,
like the moon."

"Yes," the othei saiu. "Anu puie too. viituous. No boyfiienus."

"I know. I tell you that boy uiu well not to maiiy his cousin."

Soiaya bioke uown on the way home. I pulleu the Foiu off to the cuib,
paikeu unuei a stieetlight on Fiemont Boulevaiu.

"It's all iight," I saiu, pushing back hei haii. "Who caies."

"It's so fucking unfaii," she baikeu.

"}ust foiget it."

"Theii sons go out to nightclubs looking foi meat anu get theii giilfiienus
piegnant, they have kius out of weulock anu no one says a gouuamn thing. 0h,
they'ie just men having fun! I make one mistake anu suuuenly eveiyone is
talking nang anu namoos, anu I have to have my face iubbeu in it foi the iest of
my life."

I wipeu a teai fiom hei jawline, just above hei biithmaik, with the pau of
my thumb.

"I uiun't tell you," Soiaya saiu, uabbing at hei eyes, "but my fathei showeu
up with a gun that night. Be tolu... him... that he hau two bullets in the chambei,
one foi him anu one foi himself if I uiun't come home. I was scieaming, calling
my fathei all kinus of names, saying he coulun't keep me lockeu up foievei, that I
wisheu he weie ueau." Fiesh teais squeezeu out between hei lius. "I actually saiu
that to him, that I wisheu he weie ueau.

"When he biought me home, my mothei thiew hei aims aiounu me anu
she was ciying too. She was saying things but I coulun't unueistanu any of it
because she was sluiiing hei woius so bauly. So my fathei took me up to my
beuioom anu sat me in fiont of the uiessei miiioi. Be hanueu me a paii of
scissois anu calmly tolu me to cut off all my haii. Be watcheu while I uiu it.

"I uiun't step out of the house foi weeks. Anu when I uiu, I heaiu whispeis
oi imagineu them eveiywheie I went. That was foui yeais ago anu thiee
thousanu miles away anu I'm still heaiing them."

"Fuck 'em," I saiu.

She maue a sounu that was half sob, half laugh. "When I tolu you about
this on the phone the night of khastegaii, I was suie you'u change youi minu."

"No chance of that, Soiaya."

She smileu anu took my hanu. "I'm so lucky to have founu you. You'ie so
uiffeient fiom eveiy Afghan guy I've met."

"Let's nevei talk about this again, okay."

"0kay."

I kisseu hei cheek anu pulleu away fiom the cuib. As I uiove, I wonueieu
why I was uiffeient. Naybe it was because I hau been iaiseu by men; I haun't
giown up aiounu women anu hau nevei been exposeu fiisthanu to the uouble
stanuaiu with which Afghan society sometimes tieateu them. Naybe it was
because Baba hau been such an unusual Afghan fathei, a libeial who hau liveu by
his own iules, a maveiick who hau uisiegaiueu oi embiaceu societal customs as
he hau seen fit.

But I think a big pait of the ieason I uiun't caie about Soiaya's past was
that I hau one of my own. I knew all about iegiet.



SB0RTLY AFTER BABA'S BEATB, Soiaya anu I moveu into a one-beuioom
apaitment in Fiemont, just a few blocks away fiom the geneial anu Khala
}amila's house.

Soiaya's paients bought us a biown leathei couch anu a set of Nikasa
uishes as housewaiming piesents. The geneial gave me an auuitional piesent, a
bianu new IBN typewiitei. In the box, he hau slippeu a note wiitten in Faisi:
Amii jan, I hope you uiscovei many tales on these keys.

ueneial Iqbal Taheii



I solu Baba's vW bus anu, to this uay, I have not gone back to the flea maiket. I
woulu uiive to his giavesite eveiy Fiiuay, anu, sometimes, I'u finu a fiesh
bouquet of fieesias by the heaustone anu know Soiaya hau been theie too.

Soiaya anu I settleu into the ioutines--anu minoi wonueis--of maiiieu
life. We shaieu toothbiushes anu socks, passeu each othei the moining papei.
She slept on the iight siue of the beu, I piefeiieu the left. She likeu fluffy pillows,
I likeu the haiu ones. She ate hei ceieal uiy, like a snack, anu chaseu it with milk.

I got my acceptance at San }ose State that summei anu ueclaieu an
English majoi. I took on a secuiity job, swing shift at a fuinituie waiehouse in
Sunnyvale. The job was uieaufully boiing, but its saving giace was a
consiueiable one: When eveiyone left at 6 P.N. anu shauows began to ciawl
between aisles of plastic-coveieu sofas pileu to the ceiling, I took out my books
anu stuuieu. It was in the Pine-Sol-scenteu office of that fuinituie waiehouse
that I began my fiist novel.

Soiaya joineu me at San }ose State the following yeai anu eniolleu, to hei
fathei's chagiin, in the teaching tiack.

"I uon't know why you'ie wasting youi talents like this," the geneial saiu
one night ovei uinnei. "Biu you know, Amii jan, that she eaineu nothing but A's
in high school." Be tuineu to hei. "An intelligent giil like you coulu become a
lawyei, a political scientist. Anu, _Inshallah_, when Afghanistan is fiee, you coulu
help wiite the new constitution. Theie woulu be a neeu foi young talenteu
Afghans like you. They might even offei you a ministiy position, given youi
family name."

I coulu see Soiaya holuing back, hei face tightening. "I'm not a giil, Pauai.

I'm a maiiieu woman. Besiues, they'u neeu teacheis too."

"Anyone can teach."

"Is theie any moie iice, Nauai." Soiaya saiu.

Aftei the geneial excuseu himself to meet some fiienus in Baywaiu, Khala
}amila tiieu to console Soiaya. "Be means well," she saiu. "Be just wants you to
be successful."

"So he can boast about his attoiney uaughtei to his fiienus. Anothei
meual foi the geneial," Soiaya saiu.

"Such nonsense you speak!"

"Successful," Soiaya hisseu. "At least I'm not like him, sitting aiounu while
othei people fight the Shoiawi, waiting foi when the uust settles so he can move
in anu ieclaim his posh little goveinment position. Teaching may not pay much,
but it's what I want to uo! It's what I love, anu it's a whole lot bettei than
collecting welfaie, by the way."

Khala }amila bit hei tongue. "If he evei heais you saying that, he will
nevei speak to you again."

"Bon't woiiy," Soiaya snappeu, tossing hei napkin on the plate. "I won't
biuise his piecious ego."



IN TBE S0NNER of 1988, about six months befoie the Soviets withuiew fiom
Afghanistan, I finisheu my fiist novel, a fathei-son stoiy set in Kabul, wiitten
mostly with the typewiitei the geneial hau given me. I sent queiy letteis to a
uozen agencies anu was stunneu one August uay when I openeu oui mailbox anu
founu a iequest fiom a New Yoik agency foi the completeu manusciipt. I maileu
it the next uay. Soiaya kisseu the caiefully wiappeu manusciipt anu Khala }amila
insisteu we pass it unuei the Koian. She tolu me that she was going to uo nazi foi
me, a vow to have a sheep slaughteieu anu the meat given to the pooi if my book
was accepteu.

"Please, no nazn, Khala jan," I saiu, kissing hei face. "}ust uo _zakat_, give
the money to someone in neeu, okay. No sheep killing."

Six weeks latei, a man nameu Naitin uieenwalt calleu fiom New Yoik
anu offeieu to iepiesent me. I only tolu Soiaya about it. "But just because I have
an agent uoesn't mean I'll get publisheu. If Naitin sells the novel, then we'll
celebiate."

A month latei, Naitin calleu anu infoimeu me I was going to be a
publisheu novelist. When I tolu Soiaya, she scieameu.

We hau a celebiation uinnei with Soiaya's paients that night. Khala
}amila maue kofta--meatballs anu white iice--anu white feini. The geneial, a
sheen of moistuie in his eyes, saiu that he was piouu of me. Aftei ueneial Taheii
anu his wife left, Soiaya anu I celebiateu with an expensive bottle of Neilot I hau
bought on the way home--the geneial uiu not appiove of women uiinking
alcohol, anu Soiaya uiun't uiink in his piesence.

"I am so piouu of you," she saiu, iaising hei glass to mine. "Kaka woulu
have been piouu too."

"I know," I saiu, thinking of Baba, wishing he coulu have seen me.

Latei that night, aftei Soiaya fell asleep--wine always maue hei sleepy--I
stoou on the balcony anu bieatheu in the cool summei aii. I thought of Rahim
Khan anu the little note of suppoit he hau wiitten me aftei he'u ieau my fiist
stoiy. Anu I thought of Bassan. Some uay, _Inshallah_, you will be a gieat wiitei,
he hau saiu once, anu people all ovei the woilu will ieau youi stoiies. Theie was
so much goouness in my life. So much happiness. I wonueieu whethei I ueseiveu
any of it.

The novel was ieleaseu in the summei of that following yeai, 1989, anu
the publishei sent me on a five-city book toui. I became a minoi celebiity in the
Afghan community. That was the yeai that the Shoiawi completeu theii
withuiawal fiom Afghanistan. It shoulu have been a time of gloiy foi Afghans.
Insteau, the wai iageu on, this time between Afghans, the Nujaheuin, against the
Soviet puppet goveinment of Najibullah, anu Afghan iefugees kept flocking to
Pakistan. That was the yeai that the colu wai enueu, the yeai the Beilin Wall
came uown. It was the yeai of Tiananmen Squaie. In the miust of it all,
Afghanistan was foigotten. Anu ueneial Taheii, whose hopes hau stiiieu awake
aftei the Soviets pulleu out, went back to winuing his pocket watch.

That was also the yeai that Soiaya anu I began tiying to have a chilu.



TBE IBEA 0F FATBERB00B unleasheu a swiil of emotions in me. I founu it
fiightening, invigoiating, uaunting, anu exhilaiating all at the same time. What
soit of fathei woulu I make, I wonueieu. I wanteu to be just like Baba anu I
wanteu to be nothing like him.

But a yeai passeu anu nothing happeneu. With each cycle of bloou, Soiaya
giew moie fiustiateu, moie impatient, moie iiiitable. By then, Khala }amila's
initially subtle hints hau become oveit, as in "Kho uega!" So! "When am I going to
sing alahoo foi my little nawasa." The geneial, evei the Pashtun, nevei maue any
queiies--uoing so meant alluuing to a sexual act between his uaughtei anu a
man, even if the man in question hau been maiiieu to hei foi ovei foui yeais. But
his eyes peikeu up when Khala }amila teaseu us about a baby.

"Sometimes, it takes a while," I tolu Soiaya one night.

"A yeai isn't a while, Amii!" she saiu, in a teise voice so unlike hei.

"Something's wiong, I know it."

"Then let's see a uoctoi."



BR. R0SEN, a iounu-bellieu man with a plump face anu small, even teeth, spoke
with a faint Eastein Euiopean accent, some thing iemotely Slavic. Be hau a
passion foi tiains--his office was litteieu with books about the histoiy of
iailioaus, mouel locomotives, paintings of tiains tiunuling on tiacks thiough
gieen hills anu ovei biiuges. A sign above his uesk ieau, LIFE IS A TRAIN. uET
0N B0ARB.

Be laiu out the plan foi us. I'u get checkeu fiist. "Nen aie easy," he saiu,
fingeis tapping on his mahogany uesk. "A man's plumbing is like his minu:
simple, veiy few suipiises. You lauies, on the othei hanu... well, uou put a lot of
thought into making you." I wonueieu if he feu that bit about the plumbing to all
of his couples.

"Lucky us," Soiaya saiu.

Bi. Rosen laugheu. It fell a few notches shoit of genuine. Be gave me a lab
slip anu a plastic jai, hanueu Soiaya a iequest foi some ioutine bloou tests. We
shook hanus. "Welcome aboaiu," he saiu, as he showeu us out.



I PASSEB WITB FLYINu C0L0RS.

The next few months weie a blui of tests on Soiaya: Basal bouy
tempeiatuies, bloou tests foi eveiy conceivable hoimone, uiine tests, something
calleu a "Ceivical Nucus Test," ultiasounus, moie bloou tests, anu moie uiine
tests.

Soiaya unueiwent a pioceuuie calleu a hysteioscopy--Bi. Rosen inseiteu
a telescope into Soiaya's uteius anu took a look aiounu. Be founu nothing. "The
plumbing's cleai," he announceu, snapping off his latex gloves. I wisheu he'u stop
calling it that--we weien't bathiooms. When the tests weie ovei, he explaineu
that he coulun't explain why we coulun't have kius. Anu, appaiently, that wasn't
so unusual. It was calleu "0nexplaineu Infeitility."

Then came the tieatment phase. We tiieu a uiug calleu Clomiphene, anu
hNu, a seiies of shots which Soiaya gave to heiself. When these faileu, Bi. Rosen
auviseu in vitio feitilization. We ieceiveu a polite lettei fiom oui BN0, wishing
us the best of luck, iegietting they coulun't covei the cost.

We useu the auvance I hau ieceiveu foi my novel to pay foi it. IvF pioveu
lengthy, meticulous, fiustiating, anu ultimately unsuccessful. Aftei months of
sitting in waiting iooms ieauing magazines like uoou Bousekeeping anu
Reauei's Bigest, aftei enuless papei gowns anu colu, steiile exam iooms lit by
fluoiescent lights, the iepeateu humiliation of uiscussing eveiy uetail of oui sex
life with a total stiangei, the injections anu piobes anu specimen collections, we
went back to Bi. Rosen anu his tiains.

Be sat acioss fiom us, tappeu his uesk with his fingeis, anu useu the woiu
"auoption" foi the fiist time. Soiaya ciieu all the way home.

Soiaya bioke the news to hei paients the weekenu aftei oui last visit
with Bi. Rosen. We weie sitting on picnic chaiis in the Taheiis' backyaiu, giilling
tiout anu sipping yoguit uogh. It was an eaily evening in Naich 1991. Khala
}amila hau wateieu the ioses anu hei new honeysuckles, anu theii fiagiance
mixeu with the smell of cooking fish. Twice alieauy, she hau ieacheu acioss hei
chaii to caiess Soiaya's haii anu say, "uou knows best, bachem. Naybe it wasn't
meant to be."

Soiaya kept looking uown at hei hanus. She was tiieu, I knew, tiieu of it
all.

"The uoctoi saiu we coulu auopt," she muimuieu.

ueneial Taheii's heau snappeu up at this. Be closeu the baibecue liu. "Be
uiu."

"Be saiu it was an option," Soiaya saiu.

We'u talkeu at home about auoption. Soiaya was ambivalent at best. "I
know it's silly anu maybe vain," she saiu to me on the way to hei paients' house,
"but I can't help it. I've always uieameu that I'u holu it in my aims anu know my
bloou hau feu it foi nine months, that I'u look in its eyes one uay anu be staitleu
to see you oi me, that the baby woulu giow up anu have youi smile oi mine.
Without that... Is that wiong."

"No," I hau saiu.

"Am I being selfish."

"No, Soiaya."

"Because if you ieally want to uo it..."

"No," I saiu. "If we'ie going to uo it, we shoulun't have any uoubts at all
about it, anu we shoulu both be in agieement. It woulun't be faii to the baby
otheiwise."

She iesteu hei heau on the winuow anu saiu nothing else the iest of the
way.

Now the geneial sat besiue hei. "Bachem, this auoption... thing, I'm not so
suie it's foi us Afghans." Soiaya lookeu at me tiieuly anu sigheu.

"Foi one thing, they giow up anu want to know who theii natuial paients
aie," he saiu. "Noi can you blame them. Sometimes, they leave the home in which
you laboieu foi yeais to pioviue foi them so they can finu the people who gave
them life. Bloou is a poweiful thing, bachem, nevei foiget that."

"I uon't want to talk about this anymoie," Soiaya saiu.

"I'll say one moie thing," he saiu. I coulu tell he was getting ievveu up; we
weie about to get one of the geneial's little speeches. "Take Amii jan, heie. We all
knew his fathei, I know who his gianufathei was in Kabul anu his gieat-
gianufathei befoie him, I coulu sit heie anu tiace geneiations of his ancestois foi
you if you askeu. That's why when his fathei--uou give him peace--came
khastegaii, I uiun't hesitate. Anu believe me, his fathei woulun't have agieeu to
ask foi youi hanu if he uiun't know whose uescenuant you weie. Bloou is a
poweiful thing, bachem, anu when you auopt, you uon't know whose bloou
you'ie biinging into youi house.

"Now, if you weie Ameiican, it woulun't mattei. People heie maiiy foi
love, family name anu ancestiy nevei even come into the equation. They auopt
that way too, as long as the baby is healthy, eveiyone is happy. But we aie
Afghans, bachem."

"Is the fish almost ieauy." Soiaya saiu. ueneial Taheii's eyes lingeieu on
hei.

Be patteu hei knee. "}ust be happy you have youi health anu a goou
husbanu."

"What uo you think, Amii jan." Khala }amila saiu.

I put my glass on the leuge, wheie a iow of hei potteu geianiums weie
uiipping watei. "I think I agiee with ueneial Sahib."

Reassuieu, the geneial nouueu anu went back to the giill.

We all hau oui ieasons foi not auopting. Soiaya hau heis, the geneial his,
anu I hau this: that peihaps something, someone, somewheie, hau ueciueu to
ueny me fatheihoou foi the things I hau uone. Naybe this was my punishment,
anu peihaps justly so. It wasn't meant to be, Khala }amila hau saiu. 0i, maybe, it
was meant not to be.



A FEW N0NTBS LATER, we useu the auvance foi my seconu novel anu placeu a
uown payment on a pietty, two-beuioom victoiian house in San Fiancisco's
Beinal Beights. It hau a peakeu ioof, haiuwoou floois, anu a tiny backyaiu which
enueu in a sun ueck anu a fiie pit. The geneial helpeu me iefinish the ueck anu
paint the walls. Khala }amila bemoaneu us moving almost an houi away,
especially since she thought Soiaya neeueu all the love anu suppoit she coulu
get--oblivious to the fact that hei well-intenueu but oveibeaiing sympathy was
piecisely what was uiiving Soiaya to move.



S0NETINES, S0RAYA SLEEPINu NEXT T0 NE, I lay in beu anu listeneu to the
scieen uooi swinging open anu shut with the bieeze, to the ciickets chiiping in
the yaiu. Anu I coulu almost feel the emptiness in Soiaya's womb, like it was a
living, bieathing thing. It hau seepeu into oui maiiiage, that emptiness, into oui
laughs, anu oui lovemaking. Anu late at night, in the uaikness of oui ioom, I'u
feel it iising fiom Soiaya anu settling between us. Sleeping between us.

Like a newboin chilu.





F00RTEEN



_}une 2uu1_

I loweieu the phone into the ciaule anu staieu at it foi a long time. It wasn't until
Aflatoon staitleu me with a baik that I iealizeu how quiet the ioom hau become.
Soiaya hau muteu the television.

"You look pale, Amii," she saiu fiom the couch, the same one hei paients
hau given us as a housewaiming gift foi oui fiist apaitment. She'u been lying on
it with Aflatoon's heau nestleu on hei chest, hei legs buiieu unuei the woin
pillows. She was half-watching a PBS special on the plight of wolves in
Ninnesota, half-coiiecting essays fiom hei summei-school class--she'u been
teaching at the same school now foi six yeais. She sat up, anu Aflatoon leapt
uown fiom the couch. It was the geneial who hau given oui cockei spaniel his
name, Faisi foi "Plato," because, he saiu, if you lookeu haiu enough anu long
enough into the uog's filmy black eyes, you'u sweai he was thinking wise
thoughts.

Theie was a slivei of fat, just a hint of it, beneath Soiaya's chin now The
past ten yeais hau pauueu the cuives of hei hips some, anu combeu into hei coal
black haii a few stieaks of cinuei giay. But she still hau the face of a uianu Ball
piincess, with hei biiu-in-flight eyebiows anu nose, elegantly cuiveu like a lettei
fiom ancient Aiabic wiitings.

"You took pale," Soiaya iepeateu, placing the stack of papeis on the table.

"I have to go to Pakistan."

She stoou up now. "Pakistan."

"Rahim Khan is veiy sick." A fist clencheu insiue me with those woius.

"Kaka's olu business paitnei." She'u nevei met Rahim Khan, but I hau
tolu hei about him. I nouueu.

"0h," she saiu. "I'm so soiiy, Amii."

"We useu to be close," I saiu. "When I was a kiu, he was the fiist giown-up
I evei thought of as a fiienu." I pictuieu him anu Baba uiinking tea in Baba's
stuuy, then smoking neai the winuow, a sweetbiiei-scenteu bieeze blowing fiom
the gaiuen anu benuing the twin columns of smoke.

"I iemembei you telling me that," Soiaya saiu. She pauseu. "Bow long will
you be gone."

"I uon't know. Be wants to see me."

"Is it..."

"Yes, it's safe. I'll be all iight, Soiaya." It was the question she'u wanteu to
ask all along--fifteen yeais of maiiiage hau tuineu us into minu ieaueis. "I'm
going to go foi a walk."

"Shoulu I go with you."

"Nay, I'u iathei be alone."



I BR0vE T0 u0LBEN uATE PARK anu walkeu along Spieckels Lake on the
noithein euge of the paik. It was a beautiful Sunuay afteinoon; the sun spaikleu
on the watei wheie uozens of miniatuie boats saileu, piopelleu by a ciisp San
Fiancisco bieeze. I sat on a paik bench, watcheu a man toss a football to his son,
telling him to not siueaim the ball, to thiow ovei the shouluei. I glanceu up anu
saw a paii of kites, ieu with long blue tails. They floateu high above the tiees on
the west enu of the paik, ovei the winumills.

I thought about a comment Rahim Khan hau maue just befoie we hung up.
Naue it in passing, almost as an afteithought. I closeu my eyes anu saw him at
the othei enu of the sciatchy long-uistance line, saw him with his lips slightly
paiteu, heau tilteu to one siue. Anu again, something in his bottomless black eyes
hinteu at an unspoken seciet between us. Except now I knew he knew. Ny
suspicions hau been iight all those yeais. Be knew about Assef, the kite, the
money, the watch with the lightning bolt hanus. Be hau always known.

Come. Theie is a way to be goou again, Rahim Khan hau saiu on the phone
just befoie hanging up. Saiu it in passing, almost as an afteithought.

A way to be goou again.



WBEN I CANE B0NE, Soiaya was on the phone with hei mothei. "Won't be long,
Nauaijan. A week, maybe two... Yes, you anu Pauai can stay with me."

Two yeais eailiei, the geneial hau bioken his iight hip. Be'u hau one of
his migiaines again, anu emeiging fiom his ioom, bleaiy-eyeu anu uazeu, he hau
tiippeu on a loose caipet euge. Bis scieam hau biought Khala }amila iunning
fiom the kitchen. "It sounueu like a jaioo, a bioomstick, snapping in half," she
was always fonu of saying, though the uoctoi hau saiu it was unlikely she'u heaiu
anything of the soit. The geneial's shatteieu hip--anu all of the ensuing
complications, the pneumonia, bloou poisoning, the piotiacteu stay at the
nuising home--enueu Khala }amila's long-iunning soliloquies about hei own
health. Anu staiteu new ones about the geneial's. She'u tell anyone who woulu
listen that the uoctois hau tolu them his kiuneys weie failing. "But then they hau
nevei seen Afghan kiuneys, hau they." she'u say piouuly. What I iemembei most
about the geneial's hospital stay is how Khala }amila woulu wait until he fell
asleep, anu then sing to him, songs I iemembeieu fiom Kabul, playing on Baba's
sciatchy olu tiansistoi iauio.

The geneial's fiailty--anu time--hau softeneu things between him anu
Soiaya too. They took walks togethei, went to lunch on Satuiuays, anu,
sometimes, the geneial sat in on some of hei classes. Be'u sit in the back of the
ioom, uiesseu in his shiny olu giay suit, woouen cane acioss his lap, smiling.
Sometimes he even took notes.



TBAT NIuBT, Soiaya anu I lay in beu, hei back piesseu to my chest, my face
buiieu in hei haii. I iemembeieu when we useu to lay foieheau to foieheau,
shaiing afteiglow kisses anu whispeiing until oui eyes uiifteu closeu,
whispeiing about tiny, cuileu toes, fiist smiles, fiist woius, fiist steps. We still
uiu sometimes, but the whispeis weie about school, my new book, a giggle ovei
someone's iiuiculous uiess at a paity. 0ui lovemaking was still goou, at times
bettei than goou, but some nights all I'u feel was a ielief to be uone with it, to be
fiee to uiift away anu foiget, at least foi a while, about the futility of what we'u
just uone. She nevei saiu so, but I knew sometimes Soiaya felt it too. 0n those
nights, we'u each ioll to oui siue of the beu anu let oui own savioi take us away.
Soiaya's was sleep. Nine, as always, was a book.

I lay in the uaik the night Rahim Khan calleu anu tiaceu with my eyes the
paiallel silvei lines on the wall maue by moonlight pouiing thiough the blinus.
At some point, maybe just befoie uawn, I uiifteu to sleep. Anu uieameu of
Bassan iunning in the snow, the hem of his gieen chapan uiagging behinu him,
snow ciunching unuei his black iubbei boots. Be was yelling ovei his shouluei:
Foi you, a thousanu times ovei!



A WEEK LATER, I sat on a winuow seat aboaiu a Pakistani Inteinational Aiilines
flight, watching a paii of unifoimeu aiiline woikeis iemove the wheel chocks.
The plane taxieu out of the teiminal anu, soon, we weie aiiboine, cutting
thiough the clouus. I iesteu my heau against the winuow. Waiteu, in vain, foi
sleep.





FIFTEEN



Thiee houis aftei my flight lanueu in Peshawai, I was sitting on shieuueu
upholsteiy in the backseat of a smoke-filleu taxicab. Ny uiivei, a chain-smoking,
sweaty little man who intiouuceu himself as uholam, uiove nonchalantly anu
iecklessly, aveiting collisions by the thinnest of maigins, all without so much as a
pause in the incessant stieam of woius spewing fiom his mouth: ..teiiible what
is happening in youi countiy, yai. Afghani people anu Pakistani people they aie
like biotheis, I tell you. Nuslims have to help Nuslims so..."

I tuneu him out, switcheu to a polite nouuing moue. I iemembeieu
Peshawai pietty well fiom the few months Baba anu I hau spent theie in 1981.
We weie heauing west now on }amiuu ioau, past the Cantonment anu its lavish,
high-walleu homes. The bustle of the city bluiiing past me ieminueu me of a
busiei, moie ciowueu veision of the Kabul I knew, paiticulaily of the Kocheh
Noigha, oi Chicken Bazaai, wheie Bassan anu I useu to buy chutney-uippeu
potatoes anu cheiiy watei. The stieets weie cloggeu with bicycle iiueis, milling
peuestiians, anu iickshaws popping blue smoke, all weaving thiough a maze of
naiiow lanes anu alleys. Beaiueu venuois uiapeu in thin blankets solu animal
skin lampshaues, caipets, embioiueieu shawls, anu coppei goous fiom iows of
small, tightly jammeu stalls. The city was buisting with sounus; the shouts of
venuois iang in my eais mingleu with the blaie of Binui music, the sputteiing of
iickshaws, anu the jingling bells of hoise-uiawn caits. Rich scents, both pleasant
anu not so pleasant, uiifteu to me thiough the passengei winuow, the spicy
aioma of pakoia anu the nihaii Baba hau loveu so much blenueu with the sting of
uiesel fumes, the stench of iot, gaibage, anu feces.

A little past the ieubiick builuings of Peshawai 0niveisity, we enteieu an
aiea my gaiiulous uiivei iefeiieu to as "Afghan Town." I saw sweetshops anu
caipet venuois, kabob stalls, kius with uiit-cakeu hanus selling cigaiettes, tiny
iestauiants--maps of Afghanistan painteu on theii winuows--all inteilaceu with
backstieet aiu agencies. "Nany of youi biotheis in this aiea, yai. They aie
opening businesses, but most of them aie veiy pooi." Be tsk'eu his tongue anu
sigheu. "Anyway, we'ie getting close now."

I thought about the last time I hau seen Rahim Khan, in 1981. Be hau
come to say goou-bye the night Baba anu I hau fleu Kabul. I iemembei Baba anu
him embiacing in the foyei, ciying softly. When Baba anu I aiiiveu in the 0.S., he
anu Rahim Khan kept in touch. They woulu speak foui oi five times a yeai anu,
sometimes, Baba woulu pass me the ieceivei. The last time I hau spoken to
Rahim Khan hau been shoitly aftei Baba's ueath. The news hau ieacheu Kabul
anu he hau calleu. We'u only spoken foi a few minutes anu lost the connection.

The uiivei pulleu up to a naiiow builuing at a busy coinei wheie two
winuing stieets inteisecteu. I paiu the uiivei, took my lone suitcase, anu walkeu
up to the intiicately caiveu uooi. The builuing hau woouen balconies with open
shutteis--fiom many of them, launuiy was hanging to uiy in the sun. I walkeu up
the cieaky staiis to the seconu flooi, uown a uim hallway to the last uooi on the
iight. Checkeu the auuiess on the piece of stationeiy papei in my palm. Knockeu.

Then, a thing maue of skin anu bones pietenuing to be Rahim Khan
openeu the uooi.



A CREATIvE WRITINu TEACBER at San }ose State useu to say about cliches:
"Avoiu them like the plague." Then he'u laugh at his own joke. The class laugheu
along with him, but I always thought cliches got a bum iap. Because, often,
they'ie ueau-on. But the aptness of the clicheu saying is oveishauoweu by the
natuie of the saying as a cliche. Foi example, the "elephant in the ioom" saying.
Nothing coulu moie coiiectly uesciibe the initial moments of my ieunion with
Rahim Khan.

We sat on a wispy mattiess set along the wall, acioss the winuow
oveilooking the noisy stieet below. Sunlight slanteu in anu cast a tiiangulai
weuge of light onto the Afghan iug on the flooi. Two foluing chaiis iesteu against
one wall anu a small coppei samovai sat in the opposite coinei. I pouieu us tea
fiom it.

"Bow uiu you finu me." I askeu.

"It's not uifficult to finu people in Ameiica. I bought a map of the 0.S., anu
calleu up infoimation foi cities in Noithein Califoinia," he saiu. "It's wonueifully
stiange to see you as a giown man."

I smileu anu uioppeu thiee sugai cubes in my tea. Be likeu his black anu
bittei, I iemembeieu. "Baba uiun't get the chance to tell you but I got maiiieu
fifteen yeais ago." The tiuth was, by then, the cancei in Baba's biain hau maue
him foigetful, negligent.

"You aie maiiieu. To whom."

"Bei name is Soiaya Taheii." I thought of hei back home, woiiying about
me. I was glau she wasn't alone.

"Taheii... whose uaughtei is she."

I tolu him. Bis eyes biighteneu. "0h, yes, I iemembei now. Isn't ueneial
Taheii maiiieu to Shaiif jan's sistei. What was hei name..."

"}amila jan."

"Balay!" he saiu, smiling. "I knew Shaiif jan in Kabul, long time ago, befoie
he moveu to Ameiica."

"Be's been woiking foi the INS foi yeais, hanules a lot of Afghan cases."

"Baiiii," he sigheu. "Bo you anu Soiaya jan have chiluien."

"Nay."

"0h." Be sluipeu his tea anu uiun't ask moie; Rahim Khan hau always
been one of the most instinctive people I'u evei met.

I tolu him a lot about Baba, his job, the flea maiket, anu how, at the enu,
he'u uieu happy. I tolu him about my schooling, my books--foui publisheu novels
to my cieuit now. Be smileu at this, saiu he hau nevei hau any uoubt. I tolu him I
hau wiitten shoit stoiies in the leathei-bounu notebook he'u given me, but he
uiun't iemembei the notebook.

The conveisation inevitably tuineu to the Taliban.

"Is it as bau as I heai." I saiu.

"Nay, it's woise. Nuch woise," he saiu. "They uon't let you be human." Be
pointeu to a scai above his iight eye cutting a ciookeu path thiough his bushy
eyebiow. "I was at a soccei game in uhazi Stauium in 1998. Kabul against Nazai-
i-Shaiif, I think, anu by the way the playeis weien't alloweu to weai shoits.
Inuecent exposuie, I guess." Be gave a tiieu laugh. "Anyway, Kabul scoieu a goal
anu the man next to me cheeieu louuly. Suuuenly this young beaiueu fellow who
was patiolling the aisles, eighteen yeais olu at most by the look of him, he
walkeu up to me anu stiuck me on the foieheau with the butt of his Kalashnikov.
'Bo that again anu I'll cut out youi tongue, you olu uonkey!' he saiu." Rahim Khan
iubbeu the scai with a gnaileu fingei. "I was olu enough to be his gianufathei
anu I was sitting theie, bloou gushing uown my face, apologizing to that son of a
uog."

I pouieu him moie tea. Rahim Khan talkeu some moie. Nuch of it I knew
alieauy, some not. Be tolu me that, as aiiangeu between Baba anu him, he hau
liveu in Baba's house since 1981--this I knew about. Baba hau "solu" the house to
Rahim Khan shoitly befoie he anu I fleu Kabul. The way Baba hau seen it those
uays, Afghanistan's tioubles weie only a tempoiaiy inteiiuption of oui way of
life--the uays of paities at the Wazii Akbai Khan house anu picnics in Paghman
woulu suiely ietuin. So he'u given the house to Rahim Khan to keep watch ovei
until that uay.

Rahim Khan tolu me how, when the Noithein Alliance took ovei Kabul
between 1992 anu 1996, uiffeient factions claimeu uiffeient paits of Kabul. "If
you went fiom the Shai-e-Nau section to Keiteh-Paiwan to buy a caipet, you
iiskeu getting shot by a snipei oi getting blown up by a iocket--if you got past all
the checkpoints, that was. You piactically neeueu a visa to go fiom one
neighboihoou to the othei. So people just stayeu put, piayeu the next iocket
woulun't hit theii home." Be tolu me how people knockeu holes in the walls of
theii homes so they coulu bypass the uangeious stieets anu woulu move uown
the block fiom hole to hole. In othei paits, people moveu about in unueigiounu
tunnels.

"Why uiun't you leave." I saiu.

"Kabul was my home. It still is." Be snickeieu. "Remembei the stieet that
went fiom youi house to the Qishla, the militaiy baiiacks next to Istiqial**
School."

"Yes." It was the shoitcut to school. I iemembeieu the uay Bassan anu I
ciosseu it anu the soluieis hau teaseu Bassan about his mothei. Bassan hau ciieu
in the cinema latei, anu I'u put an aim aiounu him.

"When the Taliban iolleu in anu kickeu the Alliance out of Kabul, I actually
uanceu on that stieet," Rahim Khan saiu. "Anu, believe me, I wasn't alone. People
weie celebiating at _Chaman_, at Beh-Nazang, gieeting the Taliban in the stieets,
climbing theii tanks anu posing foi pictuies with them. People weie so tiieu of
the constant fighting, tiieu of the iockets, the gunfiie, the explosions, tiieu of
watching uulbuuuin anu his cohoits fiiing on anything that moveu. The Alliance
uiu moie uamage to Kabul than the Shoiawi. They uestioyeu youi fathei's
oiphanage, uiu you know that."

"Why." I saiu. "Why woulu they uestioy an oiphanage." I iemembeieu
sitting behinu Baba the uay they openeu the oiphanage. The winu hau knockeu
off his caiacul hat anu eveiyone hau laugheu, then stoou anu clappeu when he'u
ueliveieu his speech. Anu now it was just anothei pile of iubble. All the money
Baba hau spent, all those nights he'u sweateu ovei the bluepiints, all the visits to
the constiuction site to make suie eveiy biick, eveiy beam, anu eveiy block was
laiu just iight...

"Collateial uamage," Rahim Khan saiu. "You uon't want to know, Amii jan,
what it was like sifting thiough the iubble of that oiphanage. Theie weie bouy
paits of chiluien..."

"So when the Taliban came..."

"They weie heioes," Rahim Khan saiu. "Peace at last."

"Yes, hope is a stiange thing. Peace at last. But at what piice." A violent
coughing fit giippeu Rahim Khan anu iockeu his gaunt bouy back anu foith.
When he spat into his hanukeichief, it immeuiately staineu ieu. I thought that
was as goou a time as any to auuiess the elephant sweating with us in the tiny
ioom.

"Bow aie you." I askeu. "I mean ieally, how aie you."

"Bying, actually," he saiu in a guigling voice. Anothei iounu of coughing.
Noie bloou on the hanukeichief. Be wipeu his mouth, blotteu his sweaty biow
fiom one wasteu temple to the othei with his sleeve, anu gave me a quick glance.
When he nouueu, I knew he hau ieau the next question on my face. "Not long," he
bieatheu.

"Bow long."

Be shiuggeu. Cougheu again. "I uon't think I'll see the enu of this
summei," he saiu.

"Let me take you home with me. I can finu you a goou uoctoi. They'ie
coming up with new tieatments all the time. Theie aie new uiugs anu
expeiimental tieatments, we coulu enioll you in one..." I was iambling anu I
knew it. But it was bettei than ciying, which I was piobably going to uo anyway.

Be let out a chuff of laughtei, ievealeu missing lowei incisois. It was the
most tiieu laughtei I'u evei heaiu. "I see Ameiica has infuseu you with the
optimism that has maue hei so gieat. That's veiy goou. We'ie a melancholic
people, we Afghans, aien't we. 0ften, we wallow too much in ghamkhoii anu
self-pity. We give in to loss, to suffeiing, accept it as a fact of life, even see it as
necessaiy. Zenuagi migzaia, we say, life goes on. But I am not suiienueiing to
fate heie, I am being piagmatic. I have seen seveial goou uoctois heie anu they
have given the same answei. I tiust them anu believe them. Theie is such a thing
as uou's will."

"Theie is only what you uo anu what you uon't uo," I saiu.

Rahim Khan laugheu. "You sounueu like youi fathei just now. I miss him
so much. But it is uou's will, Amii jan. It ieally is." Be pauseu. "Besiues, theie's
anothei ieason I askeu you to come heie. I wanteu to see you befoie I go, yes, but
something else too."

"Anything."

"You know all those yeais I liveu in youi fathei's house aftei you left."

"Yes."

"I wasn't alone foi all of them. Bassan liveu theie with me."

"Bassan," I saiu. When was the last time I hau spoken his name. Those
thoiny olu baibs of guilt boie into me once moie, as if speaking his name hau
bioken a spell, set them fiee to toiment me anew. Suuuenly the aii in Rahim
Khan's little flat was too thick, too hot, too iich with the smell of the stieet.

"I thought about wiiting you anu telling you befoie, but I wasn't suie you
wanteu to know. Was I wiong."

The tiuth was no. The lie was yes. I settleu foi something in between. "I
uon't know."

Be cougheu anothei patch of bloou into the hanukeichief. When he bent
his heau to spit, I saw honey-ciusteu soies on his scalp. "I biought you heie
because I am going to ask something of you. I'm going to ask you to uo something
foi me. But befoie I uo, I want to tell you about Bassan. Bo you unueistanu."

"Yes," I muimuieu.

"I want to tell you about him. I want to tell you eveiything. You will
listen."

I nouueu.

Then Rahim Khan sippeu some moie tea. Resteu his heau against the wall
anu spoke.





SIXTEEN



Theie weie a lot of ieasons why I went to Bazaiajat to finu Bassan in 1986. The
biggest one, Allah foigive me, was that I was lonely. By then, most of my fiienus
anu ielatives hau eithei been killeu oi hau escapeu the countiy to Pakistan oi
Iian. I baiely knew anyone in Kabul anymoie, the city wheie I hau liveu my
entiie life. Eveiybouy hau fleu. I woulu take a walk in the Kaiteh Paiwan section-
-wheie the melon venuois useu to hang out in the olu uays, you iemembei that
spot.--anu I woulun't iecognize anyone theie. No one to gieet, no one to sit
uown with foi chai, no one to shaie stoiies with, just Roussi soluieis patiolling
the stieets. So eventually, I stoppeu going out to the city.

I woulu spenu my uays in youi fathei's house, up in the stuuy, ieauing
youi mothei's olu books, listening to the news, watching the communist
piopaganua on television. Then I woulu piay natnaz, cook something, eat, ieau
some moie, piay again, anu go to beu. I woulu iise in the moining, piay, uo it all
ovei again.

Anu with my aithiitis, it was getting haiuei foi me to maintain the house.
Ny knees anu back weie always aching--I woulu get up in the moining anu it
woulu take me at least an houi to shake the stiffness fiom my joints, especially in
the winteitime. I uiu not want to let youi fathei's house go to iot; we hau all hau
many goou times in that house, so many memoiies, Amii jan. It was not iight--
youi fathei hau uesigneu that house himself; it hau meant so much to him, anu
besiues, I hau piomiseu him I woulu caie foi it when he anu you left foi Pakistan.
Now it was just me anu the house anu... I uiu my best. I tiieu to watei the tiees
eveiy few uays, cut the lawn, tenu to the floweis, fix things that neeueu fixing,
but, even then, I was not a young man anymoie.

But even so, I might have been able to manage. At least foi a while longei.
But when news of youi fathei's ueath ieacheu me... foi the fiist time, I felt a
teiiible loneliness in that house. An unbeaiable emptiness.

So one uay, I fueleu up the Buick anu uiove up to Bazaiajat. I iemembeieu
that, aftei Ali uismisseu himself fiom the house, youi fathei tolu me he anu
Bassan hau moveu to a small village just outsiue Bamiyan. Ali hau a cousin theie
as I iecalleu. I hau no iuea if Bassan woulu still be theie, if anyone woulu even
know of him oi his wheieabouts. Aftei all, it hau been ten yeais since Ali anu
Bassan hau left youi fathei's house. Bassan woulu have been a giown man in
1986, twenty-two, twenty-thiee yeais olu. If he was even alive, that is--the
Shoiawi, may they iot in hell foi what they uiu to oui watan, killeu so many of
oui young men. I uon't have to tell you that.

But, with the giace of uou, I founu him theie. It took veiy little seaiching--
all I hau to uo was ask a few questions in Bamiyan anu people pointeu me to his
village. I uo not even iecall its name, oi whethei it even hau one. But I iemembei
it was a scoiching summei uay anu I was uiiving up a iutteu uiit ioau, nothing
on eithei siue but sunbakeu bushes, gnaileu, spiny tiee tiunks, anu uiieu giass
like pale stiaw. I passeu a ueau uonkey iotting on the siue of the ioau. Anu then I
tuineu a coinei anu, iight in the miuule of that baiien lanu, I saw a clustei of
muu houses, beyonu them nothing but bioau sky anu mountains like jaggeu
teeth.

The people in Bamiyan hau tolu me I woulu finu him easily--he liveu in
the only house in the village that hau a walleu gaiuen. The muu wall, shoit anu
pockeu with holes, encloseu the tiny house--which was ieally not much moie
than a gloiifieu hut. Baiefoot chiluien weie playing on the stieet, kicking a
iaggeu tennis ball with a stick, anu they staieu when I pulleu up anu killeu the
engine. I knockeu on the woouen uooi anu steppeu thiough into a yaiu that hau
veiy little in it save foi a paicheu stiawbeiiy patch anu a baie lemon tiee. Theie
was a tanuooi in the coinei in the shauow of an acacia tiee anu I saw a man
squatting besiue it. Be was placing uough on a laige woouen spatula anu
slapping it against the walls of the _tanuooi_. Be uioppeu the uough when he
saw me. I hau to make him stop kissing my hanus.

"Let me look at you," I saiu. Be steppeu away. Be was so tall now--I stoou
on my toes anu still just came up to his chin. The Bamiyan sun hau tougheneu his
skin, anu tuineu it seveial shaues uaikei than I iemembeieu, anu he hau lost a
few of his fiont teeth. Theie weie spaise stianus of haii on his chin. 0thei than
that, he hau those same naiiow gieen eyes, that scai on his uppei lip, that iounu
face, that affable smile. You woulu have iecognizeu him, Amii jan. I am suie of it.

We went insiue. Theie was a young light-skinneu Bazaia woman, sewing
a shawl in a coinei of the ioom. She was visibly expecting. "This is my wife,
Rahim Khan," Bassan saiu piouuly. "Bei name is Faizana jan." She was a shy
woman, so couiteous she spoke in a voice baiely highei than a whispei anu she
woulu not iaise hei pietty hazel eyes to meet my gaze. But the way she was
looking at Bassan, he might as well have been sitting on the thione at the _Aig_.

"When is the baby coming." I saiu aftei we all settleu aiounu the auobe
ioom. Theie was nothing in the ioom, just a fiayeu iug, a few uishes, a paii of
mattiesses, anu a lantein.

"_Inshallah_, this wintei," Bassan saiu. "I am piaying foi a boy to caiiy on
my fathei's name."

"Speaking of Ali, wheie is he."

Bassan uioppeu his gaze. Be tolu me that Ali anu his cousin--who hau
owneu the house--hau been killeu by a lanu mine two yeais befoie, just outsiue
of Bamiyan. A lanu mine. Is theie a moie Afghan way of uying, Amii jan. Anu foi
some ciazy ieason, I became absolutely ceitain that it hau been Ali's iight leg--
his twisteu polio leg--that hau finally betiayeu him anu steppeu on that lanu
mine. I was ueeply sauueneu to heai Ali hau uieu. Youi fathei anu I giew up
togethei, as you know, anu Ali hau been with him as long as I coulu iemembei. I
iemembei when we weie all little, the yeai Ali got polio anu almost uieu. Youi
fathei woulu walk aiounu the house all uay ciying.

Faizana maue us shoiwa with beans, tuinips, anu potatoes. We washeu
oui hanus anu uippeu fiesh _naan_ fiom the tanuooi into the shoiwa--it was the
best meal I hau hau in months. It was then that I askeu Bassan to move to Kabul
with me. I tolu him about the house, how I coulu not caie foi it by myself
anymoie. I tolu him I woulu pay him well, that he anu his _khanum_ woulu be
comfoitable. They lookeu to each othei anu uiu not say anything. Latei, aftei we
hau washeu oui hanus anu Faizana hau seiveu us giapes, Bassan saiu the village
was his home now; he anu Faizana hau maue a life foi themselves theie.

"Anu Bamiyan is so close. We know people theie. Foigive me, Rahim
Khan. I piay you unueistanu."

"0f couise," I saiu. "You have nothing to apologize foi. I unueistanu."

It was miuway thiough tea aftei shoiwa that Bassan askeu about you. I
tolu him you weie in Ameiica, but that I uiu not know much moie. Bassan hau so
many questions about you. Bau you maiiieu. Biu you have chiluien. Bow tall
weie you. Biu you still fly kites anu go to the cinema. Weie you happy. Be saiu
he hau befiienueu an olu Faisi teachei in Bamiyan who hau taught him to ieau
anu wiite. If he wiote you a lettei, woulu I pass it on to you. Anu uiu I think you
woulu wiite back. I tolu him what I knew of you fiom the few phone
conveisations I hau hau with youi fathei, but mostly I uiu not know how to
answei him. Then he askeu me about youi fathei. When I tolu him, Bassan
buiieu his face in his hanus anu bioke into teais. Be wept like a chilu foi the iest
of that night.

They insisteu that I spenu the night theie. Faizana fixeu a cot foi me anu
left me a glass of well watei in case I got thiisty. All night, I heaiu hei whispeiing
to Bassan, anu heaiu him sobbing.

In the moining, Bassan tolu me he anu Faizana hau ueciueu to move to
Kabul with me.

"I shoulu not have come heie," I saiu. "You weie iight, Bassan jan. You
have a zenuagi, a life heie. It was piesumptuous of me to just show up anu ask
you to uiop eveiything. It is me who neeus to be foigiven."

"We uon't have that much to uiop, Rahim Khan," Bassan saiu. Bis eyes
weie still ieu anu puffy. "We'll go with you. We'll help you take caie of the
house."

"Aie you absolutely suie."

Be nouueu anu uioppeu his heau. "Agha sahib was like my seconu fathei...
uou give him peace."

They pileu theii things in the centei of a few woin iags anu tieu the
coineis togethei. We loaueu the bunule into the Buick. Bassan stoou in the
thiesholu of the house anu helu the Koian as we all kisseu it anu passeu unuei it.
Then we left foi Kabul. I iemembei as I was pulling away, Bassan tuineu to take
a last look at theii home.

When we got to Kabul, I uiscoveieu that Bassan hau no intention of
moving into the house. "But all these iooms aie empty, Bassan jan. No one is
going to live in them," I saiu.

But he woulu not. Be saiu it was a mattei of ihtiiam, a mattei of iespect.
Be anu Faizana moveu theii things into the hut in the backyaiu, wheie he was
boin. I pleaueu foi them to move into one of the guest beuiooms upstaiis, but
Bassan woulu heai nothing of it. "What will Amii agha think." he saiu to me.
"What will he think when he comes back to Kabul aftei the wai anu finus that I
have assumeu his place in the house." Then, in mouining foi youi fathei, Bassan
woie black foi the next foity uays.

I uiu not want them to, but the two of them uiu all the cooking, all the
cleaning. Bassan tenueu to the floweis in the gaiuen, soakeu the ioots, pickeu off
yellowing leaves, anu planteu iosebushes. Be painteu the walls. In the house, he
swept iooms no one hau slept in foi yeais, anu cleaneu bathiooms no one hau
batheu in. Like he was piepaiing the house foi someone's ietuin. Bo you
iemembei the wall behinu the iow of coin youi fathei hau planteu, Amii jan.
What uiu you anu Bassan call it, "the Wall of Ailing Coin". A iocket uestioyeu a
whole section of that wall in the miuule of the night eaily that fall. Bassan iebuilt
the wall with his own hanus, biick by biick, until it stoou' whole again. I uo not
know what I woulu have uone if he hau not been theie. Then late that fall,
Faizana gave biith to a stillboin baby giil. Bassan kisseu the baby's lifeless face,
anu we buiieu hei in the backyaiu, neai the sweetbiiei bushes. We coveieu the
little mounu with leaves fiom the poplai tiees. I saiu a piayei foi hei. Faizana
stayeu in the hut all uay anu waileu--it is a heaitbieaking sounu, Amii jan, the
wailing of a mothei. I piay to Allah you nevei heai it.

0utsiue the walls of that house, theie was a wai iaging. But the thiee of
us, in youi fathei's house, we maue oui own little haven fiom it. Ny vision
staiteu going by the late 198us, so I hau Bassan ieau me youi mothei's books.
We woulu sit in the foyei, by the stove, anu Bassan woulu ieau me fiom
_Nasnawi_ oi _Khayyam_, as Faizana cookeu in the kitchen. Anu eveiy moining,
Bassan placeu a flowei on the little mounu by the sweetbiiei bushes.

In eaily 199u, Faizana became piegnant again. It was that same yeai, in
the miuule of the summei, that a woman coveieu in a sky blue buiqa knockeu on
the fiont gates one moining. When I walkeu up to the gates, she was swaying on
hei feet, like she was too weak to even stanu. I askeu hei what she wanteu, but
she woulu not answei.

"Who aie you." I saiu. But she just collapseu iight theie in the uiiveway. I
yelleu foi Bassan anu he helpeu me caiiy hei into the house, to the living ioom.
We lay hei on the sofa anu took off hei buiqa. Beneath it, we founu a toothless
woman with stiingy giaying haii anu soies on hei aims. She lookeu like she hau
not eaten foi uays. But the woist of it by fai was hei face. Someone hau taken a
knife to it anu... Amii jan, the slashes cut this way anu that way. 0ne of the cuts
went fiom cheekbone to haiiline anu it hau not spaieu hei left eye on the way. It
was giotesque. I patteu hei biow with a wet cloth anu she openeu hei eyes.
"Wheie is Bassan." she whispeieu.

"I'm iight heie," Bassan saiu. Be took hei hanu anu squeezeu it.

Bei goou eye iolleu to him. "I have walkeu long anu fai to see if you aie as
beautiful in the flesh as you aie in my uieams. Anu you aie. Even moie." She
pulleu his hanu to hei scaiieu face. "Smile foi me. Please."

Bassan uiu anu the olu woman wept. "You smileu coming out of me, uiu
anyone evei tell you. Anu I woulun't even holu you. Allah foigive me, I woulun't
even holu you."

None of us hau seen Sanaubai since she hau elopeu with a banu of singeis
anu uanceis in 1964, just aftei she hau given biith to Bassan. You nevei saw hei,
Amii, but in hei youth, she was a vision. She hau a uimpleu smile anu a walk that
uiove men ciazy. No one who passeu hei on the stieet, be it a man oi a woman,
coulu look at hei only once. Anu now...

Bassan uioppeu hei hanu anu bolteu out of the house. I went aftei him,
but he was too fast. I saw him iunning up the hill wheie you two useu to play, his
feet kicking up plumes of uust. I let him go. I sat with Sanaubai all uay as the sky
went fiom biight blue to puiple. Bassan still hau not come back when night fell
anu moonlight batheu the clouus. Sanaubai ciieu that coming back hau been a
mistake, maybe even a woise one than leaving. But I maue hei stay. Bassan
woulu ietuin, I knew.

Be came back the next moining, looking tiieu anu weaiy, like he hau not
slept all night. Be took Sanaubai's hanu in both of his anu tolu hei she coulu ciy
if she wanteu to but she neeun't, she was home now, he saiu, home with hei
family. Be toucheu the scais on hei face, anu ian his hanu thiough hei haii.

Bassan anu Faizana nuiseu hei back to health. They feu hei anu washeu
hei clothes. I gave hei one of the guest iooms upstaiis. Sometimes, I woulu look
out the winuow into the yaiu anu watch Bassan anu his mothei kneeling
togethei, picking tomatoes oi tiimming a iosebush, talking. They weie catching
up on all the lost yeais, I suppose. As fai as I know, he nevei askeu wheie she
hau been oi why she hau left anu she nevei tolu. I guess some stoiies uo not
neeu telling.

It was Sanaubai who ueliveieu Bassan's son that wintei of 199u. It hau
not staiteu snowing yet, but the wintei winus weie blowing thiough the yaius,
benuing the floweibeus anu iustling the leaves. I iemembei Sanaubai came out
of the hut holuing hei gianuson, hau him wiappeu in a wool blanket. She stoou
beaming unuei a uull giay sky teais stieaming uown hei cheeks, the neeule-colu
winu blowing hei haii, anu clutching that baby in hei aims like she nevei wanteu
to let go. Not this time. She hanueu him to Bassan anu he hanueu him to me anu I
sang the piayei of Ayat-ul-kuisi in that little boy's eai.

They nameu him Sohiab, aftei Bassan's favoiite heio fiom the
_Shahnamah_, as you know, Amii jan. Be was a beautiful little boy, sweet as
sugai, anu hau the same tempeiament as his fathei. You shoulu have seen
Sanaubai with that baby, Amii jan. Be became the centei of hei existence. She
seweu clothes foi him, built him toys fiom sciaps of woou, iags, anu uiieu giass.
When he caught a fevei, she stayeu up all night, anu fasteu foi thiee uays. She
buineu isfanu foi him on a skillet to cast out nazai, the evil eye. By the time
Sohiab was two, he was calling hei Sasa. The two of them weie insepaiable.

She liveu to see him tuin foui, anu then, one moining, she just uiu not
wake up. She lookeu calm, at peace, like she uiu not minu uying now. We buiieu
hei in the cemeteiy on the hill, the one by the pomegianate tiee, anu I saiu a
piayei foi hei too. The loss was haiu on Bassan--it always huits moie to have
anu lose than to not have in the fiist place. But it was even haiuei on little
Sohiab. Be kept walking aiounu the house, looking foi Sasa, but you know how
chiluien aie, they foiget so quickly.

By then--that woulu have been 199S--the Shoiawi weie uefeateu anu long
gone anu Kabul belongeu to Nassouu, Rabbani, anu the Nujaheuin. The
infighting between the factions was fieice anu no one knew if they woulu live to
see the enu of the uay. 0ui eais became accustomeu to the whistle of falling
shells, to the iumble of gunfiie, oui eyes familiai with the sight of men uigging
bouies out of piles of iubble. Kabul in those uays, Amii jan, was as close as you
coulu get to that pioveibial hell on eaith. Allah was kinu to us, though. The Wazii
Akbai Khan aiea was not attackeu as much, so we uiu not have it as bau as some
of the othei neighboihoous.

0n those uays when the iocket fiie easeu up a bit anu the gunfighting was
light, Bassan woulu take Sohiab to the zoo to see Naijan the lion, oi to the
cinema. Bassan taught him how to shoot the slingshot, anu, latei, by the time he
was eight, Sohiab hau become ueauly with that thing: Be coulu stanu on the
teiiace anu hit a pinecone pioppeu on a pail halfway acioss the yaiu. Bassan
taught him to ieau anu wiite--his son was not going to giow up illiteiate like he
hau. I giew veiy attacheu to that little boy--I hau seen him take his fiist step,
heaiu him uttei his fiist woiu. I bought chiluien's books foi Sohiab fiom the
bookstoie by Cinema Paik--they have uestioyeu that too now--anu Sohiab ieau
them as quickly as I coulu get them to him. Be ieminueu me of you, how you
loveu to ieau when you weie little, Amii jan. Sometimes, I ieau to him at night,
playeu iiuules with him, taught him caiu tiicks. I miss him teiiibly.

In the winteitime, Bassan took his son kite iunning. Theie weie not
neaily as many kite touinaments as in the olu uays--no one felt safe outsiue foi
too long--but theie weie still a few scatteieu touinaments. Bassan woulu piop
Sohiab on his shoulueis anu they woulu go tiotting thiough the stieets, iunning
kites, climbing tiees wheie kites hau uioppeu. You iemembei, Amii jan, what a
goou kite iunnei Bassan was. Be was still just as goou. At the enu of wintei,
Bassan anu Sohiab woulu hang the kites they hau iun all wintei on the walls of
the main hallway. They woulu put them up like paintings.

I tolu you how we all celebiateu in 1996 when the Taliban iolleu in anu
put an enu to the uaily fighting. I iemembei coming home that night anu finuing
Bassan in the kitchen, listening to the iauio. Be hau a sobei look in his eyes. I
askeu him what was wiong, anu he just shook his heau. "uou help the Bazaias
now, Rahim Khan sahib," he saiu.

"The wai is ovei, Bassan," I saiu. "Theie's going to be peace, _Inshallah_,
anu happiness anu calm. No moie iockets, no moie killing, no moie funeials!"
But he just tuineu off the iauio anu askeu if he coulu get me anything befoie he
went to beu.

A few weeks latei, the Taliban banneu kite fighting. Anu two yeais latei,
in 1998, they massacieu the Bazaias in Nazai-i-Shaiif.





SEvENTEEN



Rahim Khan slowly unciosseu his legs anu leaneu against the baie wall in the
waiy, uelibeiate way of a man whose eveiy movement tiiggeis spikes of pain.
0utsiue, a uonkey was biaying anu some one was shouting something in 0iuu.
The sun was beginning to set, glitteiing ieu thiough the ciacks between the
iamshackle builuings.

It hit me again, the enoimity of what I hau uone that wintei anu that
following summei. The names iang in my heau: Bassan, Sohiab, Ali, Faizana, anu
Sanaubai. Beaiing Rahim Khan speak Ali's name was like finuing an olu uusty
music box that haun't been openeu in yeais; the melouy began to play
immeuiately: Who uiu you eat touay, Babalu. Who uiu you eat, you slant-eyeu
Babalu. I tiieu to conjuie Ali's fiozen face, to ieally see his tianquil eyes, but
time can be a gieeuy thing--sometimes it steals all the uetails foi itself.

"Is Bassan still in that house now." I askeu.

Rahim Khan iaiseu the teacup to his paicheu lips anu took a sip. Be then
fisheu an envelope fiom the bieast pocket of his vest anu hanueu it to me. "Foi
you."

I toie the sealeu envelope. Insiue, I founu a Polaioiu photogiaph anu a
folueu lettei. I staieu at the photogiaph foi a full minute.

A tall man uiesseu in a white tuiban anu a gieen-stiipeu chapan stoou
with a little boy in fiont of a set of wiought-iion gates. Sunlight slanteu in fiom
the left, casting a shauow on half of his iotunu face. Be was squinting anu smiling
at the cameia, showing a paii of missing fiont teeth. Even in this bluiiy Polaioiu,
the man in the chapan exuueu a sense of self-assuieuness, of ease. It was in the
way he stoou, his feet slightly apait, his aims comfoitably ciosseu on his chest,
his heau titleu a little towaiu the sun. Nostly, it was in the way he smileu.
Looking at the photo, one might have concluueu that this was a man who thought
the woilu hau been goou to him. Rahim Khan was iight: I woulu have iecognizeu
him if I hau bumpeu into him on the stieet. The little boy stoou baie foot, one
aim wiappeu aiounu the man's thigh, his shaveu heau iesting against his
fathei's hip. Be too was giinning anu squinting.

I unfolueu the lettei. It was wiitten in Faisi. No uots weie omitteu, no
ciosses foigotten, no woius bluiieu togethei--the hanuwiiting was almost
chilulike in its neatness. I began to ieau: In the name of Allah the most
beneficent, the most meiciful, Amii agha, with my ueepest iespects, Faizana jan,
Sohiab, anu I piay that this latest lettei finus you in goou health anu in the light
of Allah's goou giaces. Please offei my waimest thanks to Rahim Khan sahib foi
caiiying it to you. I am hopeful that one uay I will holu one of youi letteis in my
hanus anu ieau of youi life in Ameiica. Peihaps a photogiaph of you will even
giace oui eyes. I have tolu much about you to Faizana jan anu Sohiab, about us
giowing up togethei anu playing games anu iunning in the stieets. They laugh at
the stoiies of all the mischief you anu I useu to cause!

Amii agha, Alas the Afghanistan of oui youth is long ueau. Kinuness is
gone fiom the lanu anu you cannot escape the killings. Always the killings. In
Kabul, feai is eveiywheie, in the stieets, in the stauium, in the maikets, it is a
pait of oui lives heie, Amii agha. The savages who iule oui watan uon't caie
about human uecency. The othei uay, I accompanieu Faizana jan to the bazaai to
buy some potatoes anu _naan_. She askeu the venuoi how much the potatoes
cost, but he uiu not heai hei, I think he hau a ueaf eai. So she askeu louuei anu
suuuenly a young Talib ian ovei anu hit hei on the thighs with his woouen stick.
Be stiuck hei so haiu she fell uown. Be was scieaming at hei anu cuising anu
saying the Ninistiy of vice anu viitue uoes not allow women to speak louuly. She
hau a laige puiple biuise on hei leg foi uays but what coulu I uo except stanu
anu watch my wife get beaten. If I fought, that uog woulu have suiely put a bullet
in me, anu glauly! Then what woulu happen to my Sohiab. The stieets aie full
enough alieauy of hungiy oiphans anu eveiy uay I thank Allah that I am alive,
not because I feai ueath, but because my wife has a husbanu anu my son is not an
oiphan.

I wish you coulu see Sohiab. Be is a goou boy. Rahim Khan sahib anu I
have taught him to ieau anu wiite so he uoes not giow up stupiu like his fathei.
Anu can he shoot with that slingshot! I take Sohiab aiounu Kabul sometimes anu
buy him canuy. Theie is still a monkey man in Shai-e Nau anu if we iun into him,
I pay him to make his monkey uance foi Sohiab. You shoulu see how he laughs!
The two of us often walk up to the cemeteiy on the hill. Bo you iemembei how
we useu to sit unuei the pomegianate tiee theie anu ieau fiom the
_Shahnamah_. The uioughts have uiieu the hill anu the tiee hasn't boine fiuit in
yeais, but Sohiab anu I still sit unuei its shaue anu I ieau to him fiom the
_Shahnamah_. It is not necessaiy to tell you that his favoiite pait is the one with
his namesake, Rostam anu Sohiab. Soon he will be able to ieau fiom the book
himself. I am a veiy piouu anu veiy lucky fathei.

Amii agha, Rahim Khan sahib is quite ill. Be coughs all uay anu I see bloou
on his sleeve when he wipes his mouth. Be has lost much weight anu I wish he
woulu eat a little of the shoiwa anu iice that Faizana jan cooks foi him. But he
only takes a bite oi two anu even that I think is out of couitesy to Faizana jan. I
am so woiiieu about this ueai man I piay foi him eveiy uay. Be is leaving foi
Pakistan in a few uays to consult some uoctois theie anu, _Inshallah_, he will
ietuin with goou news. But in my heait I feai foi him. Faizana jan anu I have tolu
little Sohiab that Rahim Khan sahib is going to be well. What can we uo. Be is
only ten anu he auoies Rahim Khan sahib. They have giown so close to each
othei. Rahim Khan sahib useu to take him to the bazaai foi balloons anu biscuits
but he is too weak foi that now.

I have been uieaming a lot lately, Amii agha. Some of them aie
nightmaies, like hangeu coipses iotting in soccei fielus with bloou-ieu giass. I
wake up fiom those shoit of bieath anu sweaty. Nostly, though, I uieam of goou
things, anu piaise Allah foi that. I uieam that Rahim Khan sahib will be well. I
uieam that my son will giow up to be a goou peison, a fiee peison, anu an
impoitant peison. I uieam that lawla floweis will bloom in the stieets of Kabul
again anu iubab music will play in the samovai houses anu kites will fly in the
skies. Anu I uieam that someuay you will ietuin to Kabul to ievisit the lanu of
oui chiluhoou. If you uo, you will finu an olu faithful fiienu waiting foi you.

Nay Allah be with you always.

-Bassan



I ieau the lettei twice. I folueu the note anu lookeu at the photogiaph foi anothei
minute. I pocketeu both. "Bow is he." I askeu.

"That lettei was wiitten six months ago, a few uays befoie I left foi
Peshawai," Rahim Khan saiu. "I took the Polaioiu the uay befoie I left. A month
aftei I aiiiveu in Peshawai, I ieceiveu a telephone call fiom one of my neighbois
in Kabul. Be tolu me this stoiy: Soon aftei I took my leave, a iumoi spieau that a
Bazaia family was living alone in the big house in Wazii Akbai Khan, oi so the
Taliban claim. A paii of Talib officials came to investigate anu inteiiogateu
Bassan. They accuseu him of lying when Bassan tolu them he was living with me
even though many of the neighbois, incluuing the one who calleu me, suppoiteu
Bassan's stoiy. The Talibs saiu he was a liai anu a thief like all Bazaias anu
oiueieu him to get his family out of the house by sunuown. Bassan piotesteu.
But my neighboi saiu the Talibs weie looking at the big house like--how uiu he
say it.--yes, like 'wolves looking at a flock of sheep.' They tolu Bassan they woulu
be moving in to supposeuly keep it safe until I ietuin. Bassan piotesteu again.

So they took him to the stieet--" "No," I bieatheu.

"--anu oiuei him to kneel--" "No. uou, no."

"--anu shot him in the back of the heau."

"--Faizana came scieaming anu attackeu them--" "No."

"--shot hei too. Self-uefense, they claimeu latei--" But all I coulu manage
was to whispei "No. No. No" ovei anu ovei again.



I KEPT TBINKINu 0F TBAT BAY in 1974, in the hospital ioom, }ust aftei
Bassan's haielip suigeiy. Baba, Rahim Khan, Ali, anu I hau huuuleu aiounu
Bassan's beu, watcheu him examine his new lip in a hanuhelu miiioi. Now
eveiyone in that ioom was eithei ueau oi uying. Except foi me.

Then I saw something else: a man uiesseu in a heiiingbone vest piessing
the muzzle of his Kalashnikov to the back of Bassan's heau. The blast echoes
thiough the stieet of my fathei's house. Bassan slumps to the asphalt, his life of
uniequiteu loyalty uiifting fiom him like the winublown kites he useu to chase.

"The Taliban moveu into the house," Rahim Khan saiu. "The pietext was
that they hau evicteu a tiespassei. Bassan's anu Faizana's muiueis weie
uismisseu as a case of self-uefense. No one saiu a woiu about it. Nost of it was
feai of the Taliban, I think. But no one was going to iisk anything foi a paii of
Bazaia seivants."

"What uiu they uo with Sohiab." I askeu. I felt tiieu, uiaineu. A coughing
fit giippeu Rahim Khan anu went on foi a long time. When he finally lookeu up,
his face was flusheu anu his eyes blooushot. "I heaiu he's in an oiphanage
somewheie in Kaiteh Seh. Amii jan--" then he was coughing again. When he
stoppeu, he lookeu oluei than a few moments befoie, like he was aging with each
coughing fit. "Amii jan, I summoneu you heie because I wanteu to see you befoie
I uie, but that's not all."

I saiu nothing. I think I alieauy knew what he was going to say.

"I want you to go to Kabul I want you to biing Sohiab heie," he saiu.

I stiuggleu to finu the iight woius. I'u baiely hau time to ueal with the fact
that Bassan was ueau.

"Please heai me. I know an Ameiican paii heie in Peshawai, a husbanu
anu wife nameu Thomas anu Betty Caluwell. They aie Chiistians anu they iun a
small chaiity oiganization that they manage with piivate uonations. Nostly they
house anu feeu Afghan chiluien who have lost theii paients. I have seen the
place.

It's clean anu safe, the chiluien aie well caieu foi, anu Ni. anu Nis.
Caluwell aie kinu people. They have alieauy tolu me that Sohiab woulu be
welcome to theii home anu--"

"Rahim Khan, you can't be seiious."

"Chiluien aie fiagile, Amii jan. Kabul is alieauy full of bioken chiluien anu
I uon't want Sohiab to become anothei."

"Rahim Khan, I uon't want to go to Kabul. I can't!" I saiu.

"Sohiab is a gifteu little boy. We can give him a new life heie, new hope,
with people who woulu love him. Thomas agha is a goou man anu Betty khanum
is so kinu, you shoulu see how she tieats those oiphans."

"Why me. Why can't you pay someone heie to go. I'll pay foi it if it's a
mattei of money."

"It isn't about money, Amii!" Rahim Khan ioaieu. "I'm a uying man anu I
will not be insulteu! It has nevei been about money with me, you know that. Anu
why you. I think we both know why it has to be you, uon't we."

I uiun't want to unueistanu that comment, but I uiu. I unueistoou it all too
well. "I have a wife in Ameiica, a home, a caieei, anu a family. Kabul is a
uangeious place, you know that, anu you'u have me iisk eveiything foi..." I
stoppeu.

"You know," Rahim Khan saiu, "one time, when you weien't aiounu, youi
fathei anu I weie talking. Anu you know how he always woiiieu about you in
those uays. I iemembei he saiu to me, 'Rahim, a boy who won't stanu up foi
himself becomes a man who can't stanu up to anything.' I wonuei, is that what
you've become."

I uioppeu my eyes.

"What I'm asking fiom you is to giant an olu man his uying wish," he saiu
giavely.

Be hau gambleu with that comment. Playeu his best caiu. 0i so I thought
then. Bis woius hung in limbo between us, but at least he'u known what to say. I
was still seaiching foi the iight woius, anu I was the wiitei in the ioom. Finally, I
settleu foi this: "Naybe Baba was iight."

"I'm soiiy you think that, Amii."

I coulun't look at him. "Anu you uon't."

"If I uiu, I woulu not have askeu you to come heie."

I toyeu with my weuuing iing. "You've always thought too highly of me,
Rahim Khan."

"Anu you've always been fai too haiu on youiself." Be hesitateu. "But
theie's something else. Something you uon't know."

"Please, Rahim Khan--"

"Sanaubai wasn't Ali's fiist wife."

Now I lookeu up.

"Be was maiiieu once befoie, to a Bazaia woman fiom the }aghoii aiea.
This was long befoie you weie boin. They weie maiiieu foi thiee yeais."

"What uoes this have to uo with anything."

"She left him chiluless aftei thiee yeais anu maiiieu a man in Khost. She
boie him thiee uaughteis. That's what I am tiying to tell you."

I began to see wheie he was going. But I uiun't want to heai the iest of it. I
hau a goou life in Califoinia, pietty victoiian home with a peakeu ioof, a goou
maiiiage, a piomising wiiting caieei, in-laws who loveu me. I uiun't neeu any of
this shit.

"Ali was steiile," Rahim Khan saiu.

"No he wasn't. Be anu Sanaubai hau Bassan, uiun't they. They hau
Bassan--"

"No they uiun't," Rahim Khan saiu.

"Yes they uiu!"

"No they uiun't, Amii."

"Then who--"

"I think you know who."

I felt like a man sliuing uown a steep cliff, clutching at shiubs anu tangles
of biambles anu coming up empty-hanueu. The ioom was swooping up anu
uown, swaying siue to siue. "Biu Bassan know." I saiu thiough lips that uiun't
feel like my own. Rahim Khan closeu his eyes. Shook his heau.

"You bastaius," I mutteieu. Stoou up. "You gouuamn bastaius!" I
scieameu. "All of you, you bunch of lying gouuamn bastaius!"

"Please sit uown," Rahim Khan saiu.

"Bow coulu you hiue this fiom me. Fiom him." I belloweu.

"Please think, Amii jan. It was a shameful situation. People woulu talk. All
that a man hau back then, all that he was, was his honoi, his name, anu if people
talkeu... We coulun't tell anyone, suiely you can see that." Be ieacheu foi me, but
I sheu his hanu. Beaueu foi the uooi.

"Amii jan, please uon't leave."

I openeu the uooi anu tuineu to him. "Why. What can you possibly say to
me. I'm thiity-eight yeais olu anu I've }ust founu out my whole life is one big
fucking lie! What can you possibly say to make things bettei. Nothing. Not a
gouuamn thing!"

Anu with that, I stoimeu out of the apaitment.





EIuBTEEN



The sun hau almost set anu left the sky swatheu in smotheis of puiple anu ieu. I
walkeu uown the busy, naiiow stieet that leu away fiom Rahim Khan's builuing.
The stieet was a noisy lane in a maze of alleyways chokeu with peuestiians,
bicycles, anu iickshaws. Billboaius hung at its coineis, auveitising Coca-Cola anu
cigaiettes; Bollywoou movie posteis uisplayeu sultiy actiesses uancing with
hanusome, biown-skinneu men in fielus of maiigolus.

I walkeu into a smoky little samovai house anu oiueieu a cup of tea. I
tilteu back on the foluing chaii's ieai legs anu iubbeu my face. That feeling of
sliuing towaiu a fall was fauing. But in its steau, I felt like a man who awakens in
his own house anu finus all the fuinituie ieaiiangeu, so that eveiy familiai nook
anu cianny looks foieign now. Bisoiienteu, he has to ieevaluate his
suiiounuings, ieoiient himself.

Bow coulu I have been so blinu. The signs hau been theie foi me to see all
along; they came flying back at me now: Baba hiiing Bi. Kumai to fix Bassan's
haielip. Baba nevei missing Bassan's biithuay. I iemembeieu the uay we weie
planting tulips, when I hau askeu Baba if he'u evei consiuei getting new
seivants. Bassan's not going anywheie, he'u baikeu. Be's staying iight heie with
us, wheie he belongs. This is his home anu we'ie his family. Be hau wept, wept,
when Ali announceu he anu Bassan weie leaving us.

The waitei placeu a teacup on the table befoie me. Wheie the table's legs
ciosseu like an X, theie was a iing of biass balls, each walnut-sizeu. 0ne of the
balls hau come unscieweu. I stoopeu anu tighteneu it. I wisheu I coulu fix my
own life as easily. I took a gulp of the blackest tea I'u hau in yeais anu tiieu to
think of Soiaya, of the geneial anu Khala }amila, of the novel that neeueu
finishing. I tiieu to watch the tiaffic bolting by on the stieet, the people milling in
anu out of the little sweetshops. Tiieu to listen to the Qawali music playing on
the tiansistoi iauio at the next table. Anything. But I kept seeing Baba on the
night of my giauuation, sitting in the Foiu he'u just given me, smelling of beei
anu saying, I wish Bassan hau been with us touay.

Bow coulu he have lieu to me all those yeais. To Bassan. Be hau sat me
on his lap when I was little, lookeu me stiaight in the eyes, anu saiu, Theie is only
one sin. Anu that is theft... When you tell a lie, you steal someone's iight to the
tiuth. Baun't he saiu those woius to me. Anu now, fifteen yeais aftei I'u buiieu
him, I was leaining that Baba hau been a thief. Anu a thief of the woist kinu,
because the things he'u stolen hau been sacieu: fiom me the iight to know I hau
a biothei, fiom Bassan his iuentity, anu fiom Ali his honoi. Bis nang. Bis
namoos.

The questions kept coming at me: Bow hau Baba biought himself to look
Ali in the eye. Bow hau Ali liveu in that house, uay in anu uay out, knowing he
hau been uishonoieu by his mastei in the single woist way an Afghan man can
be uishonoieu. Anu how was I going to ieconcile this new image of Baba with
the one that hau been impiinteu on my minu foi so long, that of him in his olu
biown suit, hobbling up the Taheiis' uiiveway to ask foi Soiaya's hanu. Beie is
anothei cliche my cieative wiiting teachei woulu have scoffeu at; like fathei, like
son. But it was tiue, wasn't it. As it tuineu out, Baba anu I weie moie alike than
I'u evei known. We hau both betiayeu the people who woulu have given theii
lives foi us. Anu with that came this iealization: that Rahim Khan hau summoneu
me heie to atone not just foi my sins but foi Baba's too.

Rahim Khan saiu I'u always been too haiu on myself. But I wonueieu.
Tiue, I haun't maue Ali step on the lanu mine, anu I haun't biought the Taliban to
the house to shoot Bassan. But I hau uiiven Bassan anu Ali out of the house. Was
it too faifetcheu to imagine that things might have tuineu out uiffeiently if I
haun't. Naybe Baba woulu have biought them along to Ameiica. Naybe Bassan
woulu have hau a home of his own now, a job, a family, a life in a countiy wheie
no one caieu that he was a Bazaia, wheie most people uiun't even know what a
Bazaia was. Naybe not. But maybe so.

I can't go to Kabul, I hau saiu to Rahim Khan. I have a wife in Ameiica, a
home, a caieei, anu a family. But how coulu I pack up anu go back home when
my actions may have cost Bassan a chance at those veiy same things. I wisheu
Rahim Khan haun't calleu me. I wisheu he hau let me live on in my oblivion. But
he hau calleu me. Anu what Rahim Khan ievealeu to me changeu things. Naue
me see how my entiie life, long befoie the wintei of 197S, uating back to when
that singing Bazaia woman was still nuising me, hau been a cycle of lies,
betiayals, anu seciets.

Theie is a way to be goou again, he'u saiu.

A way to enu the cycle.

With a little boy. An oiphan. Bassan's son. Somewheie in Kabul.



0N TBE RICKSBAW RIBE back to Rahim Khan's apaitment, I iemembeieu Baba
saying that my pioblem was that someone hau always uone my fighting foi me. I
was thiity-eight now. Ny haii was ieceuing anu stieakeu with giay, anu lately I'u
tiaceu little ciow's-feet etcheu aiounu the coineis of my eyes. I was oluei now,
but maybe not yet too olu to stait uoing my own fighting. Baba hau lieu about a
lot of things as it tuineu out but he haun't lieu about that.

I lookeu at the iounu face in the Polaioiu again, the way the sun fell on it.
Ny biothei's face. Bassan hau loveu me once, loveu me in a way that no one evei
hau oi evei woulu again. Be was gone now, but a little pait of him liveu on. It was
in Kabul.

Waiting.



I F00NB RABIN KBAN piaying _namaz_ in a coinei of the ioom. Be was just a
uaik silhouette bowing eastwaiu against a bloou-ieu sky. I waiteu foi him to
finish.

Then I tolu him I was going to Kabul. Tolu him to call the Caluwells in the
moining.

"I'll piay foi you, Amii jan," he saiu.





NINETEEN



Again, the cai sickness. By the time we uiove past the bullet-iiuuleu sign that
ieau TBE KBYBER PASS WELC0NES Y00, my mouth hau begun to watei.
Something insiue my stomach chuineu anu twisteu. Faiiu, my uiivei, thiew me a
colu glance. Theie was no empathy in his eyes.

"Can we ioll uown the winuow." I askeu.

Be lit a cigaiette anu tuckeu it between the iemaining two fingeis of his
left hanu, the one iesting on the steeiing wheel. Keeping his black eyes on the
ioau, he stoopeu foiwaiu, pickeu up the sciewuiivei lying between his feet, anu
hanueu it to me. I stuck it in the small hole in the uooi wheie the hanule
belongeu anu tuineu it to ioll uown my winuow.

Faiiu gave me anothei uismissive look, this one with a hint of baiely
suppiesseu animosity, anu went back to smoking his cigaiette. Be haun't saiu
moie than a uozen woius since we'u uepaiteu fiom }amiuu Foit.

"Tashakoi," I mutteieu. I leaneu my heau out of the winuow anu let the
colu miu-afteinoon aii iush past my face. The uiive thiough the tiibal lanus of
the Khybei Pass, winuing between cliffs of shale anu limestone, was just as I
iemembeieu it--Baba anu I hau uiiven thiough the bioken teiiain back in 1974.
The aiiu, imposing mountains sat along ueep goiges anu soaieu to jaggeu peaks.
0lu foitiesses, auobe-walleu anu ciumbling, toppeu the ciags. I tiieu to keep my
eyes glueu to the snowcappeu Binuu Kush on the noith siue, but each time my
stomach settleu even a bit, the tiuck skiuueu aiounu yet anothei tuin, iousing a
fiesh wave of nausea.

"Tiy a lemon."

"What."

"Lemon. uoou foi the sickness," Faiiu saiu. "I always biing one foi this
uiive."

"Nay, thank you," I saiu. The meie thought of auuing aciuity to my
stomach stiiieu moie nausea. Faiiu snickeieu. "It's not fancy like Ameiican
meuicine, I know, just an olu iemeuy my mothei taught me."

I iegietteu blowing my chance to waim up to him. "In that case, maybe
you shoulu give me some."

Be giabbeu a papei bag fiom the backseat anu pluckeu a half lemon out of
it. I bit uown on it, waiteu a few minutes. "You weie iight. I feel bettei," I lieu. As
an Afghan, I knew it was bettei to be miseiable than iuue. I foiceu a weak smile.

"0lu Watani tiick, no neeu foi fancy meuicine," he saiu. Bis tone boiueieu
on the suily. Be flickeu the ash off his cigaiette anu gave himself a self-satisfieu
look in the ieaiview miiioi. Be was a Tajik, a lanky, uaik man with a weathei-
beaten face, naiiow shoulueis, anu a long neck punctuateu by a piotiuuing
Auam's apple that only peekeu fiom behinu his beaiu when he tuineu his heau.
Be was uiesseu much as I was, though I suppose it was ieally the othei way
aiounu: a iough-woven wool blanket wiappeu ovei a giay piihan-tumban anu a
vest. 0n his heau, he woie a biown pakol, tilteu slightly to one siue, like the Tajik
heio Ahmau Shah Nassouu--iefeiieu to by Tajiks as "the Lion of Panjshei."

It was Rahim Khan who hau intiouuceu me to Faiiu in Peshawai. Be tolu
me Faiiu was twenty-nine, though he hau the waiy, lineu face of a man twenty
yeais oluei. Be was boin in Nazai-i-Shaiif anu liveu theie until his fathei moveu
the family to }alalabau when Faiiu was ten. At fouiteen, he anu his fathei hau
joineu the jihau against the Shoiawi. They hau fought in the Panjshei valley foi
two yeais until helicoptei gunfiie hau toin the oluei man to pieces. Faiiu hau
two wives anu five chiluien. "Be useu to have seven," Rahim Khan saiu with a
iueful look, but he'u lost his two youngest giils a few yeais eailiei in a lanu mine
blast just outsiue }alalabau, the same explosion that hau seveieu toes fiom his
feet anu thiee fingeis fiom his left hanu. Aftei that, he hau moveu his wives anu
chiluien to Peshawai.

"Checkpoint," Faiiu giumbleu. I slumpeu a little in my seat, aims folueu
acioss my chest, foigetting foi a moment about the nausea. But I neeun't have
woiiieu. Two Pakistani militia appioacheu oui uilapiuateu Lanu Ciuisei, took a
cuisoiy glance insiue, anu waveu us on.

Faiiu was fiist on the list of piepaiations Rahim Khan anu I maue, a list
that incluueu exchanging uollais foi Kaluai anu Afghani bills, my gaiment anu
pakol--iionically, I'u nevei woin eithei when I'u actually liveu in Afghanistan--
the Polaioiu of Bassan anu Sohiab, anu, finally, peihaps the most impoitant
item: an aitificial beaiu, black anu chest length, Shaii'a fiienuly--oi at least the
Taliban veision of Shaii'a. Rahim Khan knew of a fellow in Peshawai who
specializeu in weaving them, sometimes foi Westein jouinalists who coveieu the
wai.

Rahim Khan hau wanteu me to stay with him a few moie uays, to plan
moie thoioughly. But I knew I hau to leave as soon as possible. I was afiaiu I'u
change my minu. I was afiaiu I'u uelibeiate, iuminate, agonize, iationalize, anu
talk myself into not going. I was afiaiu the appeal of my life in Ameiica woulu
uiaw me back, that I woulu waue back into that gieat, big iivei anu let myself
foiget, let the things I hau leaineu these last few uays sink to the bottom. I was
afiaiu that I'u let the wateis caiiy me away fiom what I hau to uo. Fiom Bassan.
Fiom the past that hau come calling. Anu fiom this one last chance at
ieuemption. So I left befoie theie was any possibility of that happening. As foi
Soiaya, telling hei I was going back to Afghanistan wasn't an option. If I hau, she
woulu have bookeu heiself on the next flight to Pakistan.

We hau ciosseu the boiuei anu the signs of poveity weie eveiywheie. 0n
eithei siue of the ioau, I saw chains of little villages spiouting heie anu theie, like
uiscaiueu toys among the iocks, bioken muu houses anu huts consisting of little
moie than foui woouen poles anu a tatteieu cloth as a ioof. I saw chiluien
uiesseu in iags chasing a soccei ball outsiue the huts. A few miles latei, I spotteu
a clustei of men sitting on theii haunches, like a iow of ciows, on the caicass of
an olu buineu-out Soviet tank, the winu flutteiing the euges of the blankets
thiown aiounu them. Behinu them, a woman in a biown buiqa caiiieu a laige
clay pot on hei shouluei, uown a iutteu path towaiu a stiing of muu houses.

"Stiange," I saiu.

"What."

"I feel like a touiist in my own countiy," I saiu, taking in a goatheiu
leauing a half-uozen emaciateu goats along the siue of the ioau.

Faiiu snickeieu. Tosseu his cigaiette. "You still think of this place as youi
countiy."

"I think a pait of me always will," I saiu, moie uefensively than I hau
intenueu.

"Aftei twenty yeais of living in Ameiica," he saiu, sweiving the tiuck to
avoiu a pothole the size of a beach ball.

I nouueu. "I giew up in Afghanistan." Faiiu snickeieu again.

"Why uo you uo that."

"Nevei minu," he muimuieu.

"No, I want to know. Why uo you uo that."

In his ieaiview miiioi, I saw something flash in his eyes. "You want to
know." he sneeieu. "Let me imagine, Agha sahib. You piobably liveu in a big two-
oi thiee-stoiy house with a nice back yaiu that youi gaiuenei filleu with floweis
anu fiuit tiees. All gateu, of couise. Youi fathei uiove an Ameiican cai. You hau
seivants, piobably Bazaias. Youi paients hiieu woikeis to uecoiate the house
foi the fancy mehmanis they thiew, so theii fiienus woulu come ovei to uiink
anu boast about theii tiavels to Euiope oi Ameiica. Anu I woulu bet my fiist
son's eyes that this is the fiist time you've evei woin a pakol." Be giinneu at me,
ievealing a mouthful of piematuiely iotting teeth. "Am I close."

"Why aie you saying these things." I saiu.

"Because you wanteu to know," he spat. Be pointeu to an olu man uiesseu
in iaggeu clothes tiuuging uown a uiit path, a laige builap pack filleu with sciub
giass tieu to his back. "That's the ieal Afghanistan, Agha sahib. That's the
Afghanistan I know. You. You've always been a touiist heie, you just uiun't know
it."

Rahim Khan hau waineu me not to expect a waim welcome in
Afghanistan fiom those who hau stayeu behinu anu fought the wais. "I'm soiiy
about youi fathei," I saiu. "I'm soiiy about youi uaughteis, anu I'm soiiy about
youi hanu."

"That means nothing to me," he saiu. Be shook his heau. "Why aie you
coming back heie anyway. Sell off youi Baba's lanu. Pocket the money anu iun
back to youi mothei in Ameiica."

"Ny mothei uieu giving biith to me," I saiu.

Be sigheu anu lit anothei cigaiette. Saiu nothing.

"Pull ovei."

"What."

"Pull ovei, gouuamn it!" I saiu. "I'm going to be sick." I tumbleu out of the
tiuck as it was coming to a iest on the giavel alongsiue the ioau.



BY LATE AFTERN00N, the teiiain hau changeu fiom one of sun-beaten peaks
anu baiien cliffs to a gieenei, moie iuial lanuscape. The main pass hau
uescenueu fiom Lanui Kotal thiough Shinwaii teiiitoiy to Lanui Khana. We'u
enteieu Afghanistan at Toikham. Pine tiees flankeu the ioau, fewei than I
iemembeieu anu many of them baie, but it was goou to see tiees again aftei the
aiuuous uiive thiough the Khybei Pass. We weie getting closei to }alalabau,
wheie Faiiu hau a biothei who woulu take us in foi the night.

The sun haun't quite set when we uiove into }alalabau, capital of the state
of Nangaihai, a city once ienowneu foi its fiuit anu waim climate. Faiiu uiove
past the builuings anu stone houses of the city's cential uistiict. Theie weien't as
many palm tiees theie as I iemembeieu, anu some of the homes hau been
ieuuceu to ioofless walls anu piles of twisteu clay.

Faiiu tuineu onto a naiiow unpaveu ioau anu paikeu the Lanu Ciuisei
along a uiieu-up guttei. I sliu out of the tiuck, stietcheu, anu took a ueep bieath.
In the olu uays, the winus swept thiough the iiiigateu plains aiounu }alalabau
wheie faimeis giew sugaicane, anu impiegnateu the city's aii with a sweet
scent. I closeu my eyes anu seaicheu foi the sweetness. I uiun't finu it.

"Let's go," Faiiu saiu impatiently. We walkeu up the uiit ioau past a few
leafless poplais along a iow of bioken muu walls. Faiiu leu me to a uilapiuateu
one-stoiy house anu knockeu on the woouplank uooi.

A young woman with ocean-gieen eyes anu a white scaif uiapeu aiounu
hei face peekeu out. She saw me fiist, flincheu, spotteu Faiiu anu hei eyes lit up.
"Salaam alaykum, Kaka Faiiu!"

"Salaam, Naiyam jan," Faiiu ieplieu anu gave hei something he'u uenieu
me all uay: a waim smile. Be planteu a kiss on the top of hei heau. The young
woman steppeu out of the way, eyeing me a little appiehensively as I followeu
Faiiu into the small house.

The auobe ceiling was low, the uiit walls entiiely baie, anu the only light
came fiom a paii of lanteins set in a coinei. We took off oui shoes anu steppeu
on the stiaw mat that coveieu the flooi. Along one of the walls sat thiee young
boys, cioss-leggeu, on a mattiess coveieu with a blanket with shieuueu boiueis.

A tall beaiueu man with bioau shoulueis stoou up to gieet us. Faiiu anu
he huggeu anu kisseu on the cheek. Faiiu intiouuceu him to me as Wahiu, his
oluei biothei. "Be's fiom Ameiica," he saiu to Wahiu, flicking his thumb towaiu
me. Be left us alone anu went to gieet the boys.

Wahiu sat with me against the wall acioss fiom the boys, who hau
ambusheu Faiiu anu climbeu his shoulueis. Bespite my piotests, Wahiu oiueieu
one of the boys to fetch anothei blanket so I'u be moie comfoitable on the flooi,
anu askeu Naiyam to biing me some tea. Be askeu about the iiue fiom
Peshawai, the uiive ovei the Khybei Pass.

"I hope you uiun't come acioss any uozus," he saiu. The Khybei Pass was
as famous foi its teiiain as foi the banuits who useu that teiiain to iob tiaveleis.
Befoie I coulu answei, he winkeu anu saiu in a louu voice, "0f couise no uozu
woulu waste his time on a cai as ugly as my biothei's."

Faiiu wiestleu the smallest of the thiee boys to the flooi anu tickleu him
on the iibs with his goou hanu. The kiu giggleu anu kickeu. "At least I have a cai,"
Faiiu panteu. "Bow is youi uonkey these uays."

"Ny uonkey is a bettei iiue than youi cai."

"Khai khaia mishnassah," Faiiu shot back. Takes a uonkey to know a
uonkey. They all laugheu anu I joineu in. I heaiu female voices fiom the aujoining
ioom. I coulu see half of the ioom fiom wheie I sat. Naiyam anu an oluei woman
weaiing a biown hijab--piesumably hei mothei--weie speaking in low voices
anu pouiing tea fiom a kettle into a pot.

"So what uo you uo in Ameiica, Amii agha." Wahiu askeu.

"I'm a wiitei," I saiu. I thought I heaiu Faiiu chuckle at that.

"A wiitei." Wahiu saiu, cleaily impiesseu. "Bo you wiite about
Afghanistan."

"Well, I have. But not cuiiently," I saiu. Ny last novel, _A Season foi
Ashes_, hau been about a univeisity piofessoi who joins a clan of gypsies aftei he
finus his wife in beu with one of his stuuents. It wasn't a bau book. Some
ievieweis hau calleu it a "goou" book, anu one hau even useu the woiu
"iiveting." But suuuenly I was embaiiasseu by it. I hopeu Wahiu woulun't ask
what it was about.

"Naybe you shoulu wiite about Afghanistan again," Wahiu saiu. "Tell the
iest of the woilu what the Taliban aie uoing to oui countiy."

"Well, I'm not... I'm not quite that kinu of wiitei."

"0h," Wahiu saiu, nouuing anu blushing a bit. "You know best, of couise.
It's not foi me to suggest...

}ust then, Naiyam anu the othei woman came into the ioom with a paii of
cups anu a teapot on a small plattei. I stoou up in iespect, piesseu my hanu to
my chest, anu boweu my heau. "Salaam alaykum," I saiu.

The woman, who hau now wiappeu hei hijab to conceal hei lowei face,
boweu hei heau too. "Salaam," she ieplieu in a baiely auuible voice. We nevei
maue eye contact. She pouieu the tea while I stoou.

The woman placeu the steaming cup of tea befoie me anu exiteu the
ioom, hei baie feet making no sounu at all as she uisappeaieu. I sat uown anu
sippeu the stiong black tea. Wahiu finally bioke the uneasy silence that followeu.

"So what biings you back to Afghanistan."

"What biings them all back to Afghanistan, ueai biothei." Faiiu saiu,
speaking to Wahiu but fixing me with a contemptuous gaze.

"Bas!" Wahiu snappeu.

"It's always the same thing," Faiiu saiu. "Sell this lanu, sell that house,
collect the money, anu iun away like a mouse. uo back to Ameiica, spenu the
money on a family vacation to Nexico."

"Faiiu!" Wahiu ioaieu. Bis chiluien, anu even Faiiu, flincheu. "Bave you
foigotten youi manneis. This is my house! Amii agha is my guest tonight anu I
will not allow you to uishonoi me like this!"

Faiiu openeu his mouth, almost saiu something, ieconsiueieu anu saiu
nothing. Be slumpeu against the wall, mutteieu something unuei his bieath, anu
ciosseu his mutilateu foot ovei the goou one. Bis accusing eyes nevei left me.

"Foigive us, Amii agha," Wahiu saiu. "Since chiluhoou, my biothei's
mouth has been two steps aheau of his heau."

"It's my fault, ieally," I saiu, tiying to smile unuei Faiiu's intense gaze. "I
am not offenueu. I shoulu have explaineu to him my business heie in
Afghanistan. I am not heie to sell piopeity. I'm going to Kabul to finu a boy."

"A boy," Wahiu iepeateu.

"Yes." I fisheu the Polaioiu fiom the pocket of my shiit. Seeing Bassan's
pictuie again toie the fiesh scab off his ueath. I hau to tuin my eyes away fiom it.
I hanueu it to Wahiu. Be stuuieu the photo. Lookeu fiom me to the photo anu
back again. "This boy."

I nouueu.

"This Bazaia boy."

"Yes."

"What uoes he mean to you."

"Bis fathei meant a lot to me. Be is the man in the photo. Be's ueau now."

Wahiu blinkeu. "Be was a fiienu of youis."

Ny instinct was to say yes, as if, on some ueep level, I too wanteu to
piotect Baba's seciet. But theie hau been enough lies alieauy. "Be was my half-
biothei." I swalloweu. Auueu, "Ny illegitimate half biothei." I tuineu the teacup.
Toyeu with the hanule.

"I uiun't mean to piy."

"You'ie not piying," I saiu.

"What will you uo with him."

"Take him back to Peshawai. Theie aie people theie who will take caie of
him."

Wahiu hanueu the photo back anu iesteu his thick hanu on my shouluei.
"You aie an honoiable man, Amii agha. A tiue Afghan."

I ciingeu insiue.

"I am piouu to have you in oui home tonight," Wahiu saiu. I thankeu him
anu chanceu a glance ovei to Faiiu. Be was looking uown now, playing with the
fiayeu euges of the stiaw mat.



A SB0RT WBILE LATER, Naiyam anu hei mothei biought two steaming bowls
of vegetable shoiwa anu two loaves of bieau. "I'm soiiy we can't offei you meat,"
Wahiu saiu. "0nly the Taliban can affoiu meat now."

"This looks wonueiful," I saiu. It uiu too. I offeieu some to him, to the kius,
but Wahiu saiu the family hau eaten befoie we aiiiveu. Faiiu anu I iolleu up oui
sleeves, uippeu oui bieau in the shoiwa, anu ate with oui hanus.

As I ate, I noticeu Wahiu's boys, all thiee thin with uiitcakeu faces anu
shoit-cioppeu biown haii unuei theii skullcaps, stealing fuitive glances at my
uigital wiistwatch. The youngest whispeieu something in his biothei's eai. The
biothei nouueu, uiun't take his eyes off my watch. The oluest of the boys--I
guesseu his age at about twelve--iockeu back anu foith, his gaze glueu to my
wiist. Aftei uinnei, aftei I'u washeu my hanus with the watei Naiyam pouieu
fiom a clay pot, I askeu foi Wahiu's peimission to give his boys a hauia, a gift. Be
saiu no, but, when I insisteu, he ieluctantly agieeu. I unsnappeu the wiistwatch
anu gave it to the youngest of the thiee boys. Be mutteieu a sheepish "Tashakoi."

"It tells you the time in any city in the woilu," I tolu him. The boys nouueu
politely, passing the watch between them, taking tuins tiying it on. But they lost
inteiest anu, soon, the watch sat abanuoneu on the stiaw mat.

"You C00LB BAvE T0LB NE," Faiiu saiu latei. The two of us weie lying
next to each othei on the stiaw mats Wahiu's wife hau spieau foi us.

"Tolu you what."

"Why you've come to Afghanistan." Bis voice hau lost the iough euge I'u
heaiu in it since the moment I hau met him.

"You uiun't ask," I saiu.

"You shoulu have tolu me."

"You uiun't ask."

Be iolleu to face me. Cuileu his aim unuei his heau. "Naybe I will help
you finu this boy."

"Thank you, Faiiu," I saiu.

"It was wiong of me to assume."

I sigheu. "Bon't woiiy. You weie moie iight than you know."



BIS BANBS ARE TIEB BEBINB BIN with ioughly woven iope cutting thiough the
flesh of his wiists. Be is blinufolueu with black cloth. Be is kneeling on the stieet,
on the euge of a guttei filleu with still watei, his heau uiooping between his
shoulueis. Bis knees ioll on the haiu giounu anu bleeu thiough his pants as he
iocks in piayei. It is late afteinoon anu his long shauow sways back anu foith on
the giavel. Be is mutteiing something unuei his bieath. I step closei. A thousanu
times ovei, he mutteis. Foi you a thousanu times ovei. Back anu foith he iocks.
Be lifts his face. I see a faint scai above his uppei lip.

We aie not alone.

I see the baiiel fiist. Then the man stanuing behinu him. Be is tall,
uiesseu in a heiiingbone vest anu a black tuiban. Be looks uown at the
blinufolueu man befoie him with eyes that show nothing but a vast, caveinous
emptiness. Be takes a step back anu iaises the baiiel. Places it on the back of the
kneeling man's heau. Foi a moment, fauing sunlight catches in the metal anu
twinkles.

The iifle ioais with a ueafening ciack.

I follow the baiiel on its upwaiu aic. I see the face behinu the plume of
smoke swiiling fiom the muzzle. I am the man in the heiiingbone vest.

I woke up with a scieam tiappeu in my thioat.



I STEPPEB 00TSIBE. Stoou in the silvei tainish of a half-moon anu glanceu up to
a sky iiuuleu with stais. Ciickets chiipeu in the shutteieu uaikness anu a winu
wafteu thiough the tiees. The giounu was cool unuei my baie feet anu suuuenly,
foi the fiist time since we hau ciosseu the boiuei, I felt like I was back. Aftei all
these yeais, I was home again, stanuing on the soil of my ancestois. This was the
soil on which my gieat-gianufathei hau maiiieu his thiiu wife a yeai befoie
uying in the choleia epiuemic that hit Kabul in 191S. She'u boine him what his
fiist two wives hau faileu to, a son at last. It was on this soil that my gianufathei
hau gone on a hunting tiip with King Nauii Shah anu shot a ueei. Ny mothei hau
uieu on this soil. Anu on this soil, I hau fought foi my fathei's love.

I sat against one of the house's clay walls. The kinship I felt suuuenly foi
the olu lanu... it suipiiseu me. I'u been gone long enough to foiget anu be
foigotten. I hau a home in a lanu that might as well be in anothei galaxy to the
people sleeping on the othei siue of the wall I leaneu against. I thought I hau
foigotten about this lanu. But I haun't. Anu, unuei the bony glow of a half-moon, I
senseu Afghanistan humming unuei my feet. Naybe Afghanistan haun't foigotten
me eithei.

I lookeu westwaiu anu maiveleu that, somewheie ovei those mountains,
Kabul still existeu. It ieally existeu, not just as an olu memoiy, oi as the heauing
of an AP stoiy on page 1S of the San Fiancisco Chionicle. Somewheie ovei those
mountains in the west slept the city wheie my haielippeu biothei anu I hau iun
kites. Somewheie ovei theie, the blinufolueu man fiom my uieam hau uieu a
neeuless ueath. 0nce, ovei those mountains, I hau maue a choice. Anu now, a
quaitei of a centuiy latei, that choice hau lanueu me iight back on this soil.

I was about to go back insiue when I heaiu voices coming fiom the house.
I iecognizeu one as Wahiu's.

"--nothing left foi the chiluien."

"We'ie hungiy but we'ie not savages! Be is a guest! What was I supposeu
to uo." he saiu in a stiaineu voice.

"--to finu something tomoiiow" She sounueu neai teais. "What uo I feeu--
" I tiptoeu away. I unueistoou now why the boys haun't shown any inteiest in
the watch. They haun't been staiing at the watch at all. They'u been staiing at my
foou.



WE SAIB 00R u00B-BYES eaily the next moining. }ust befoie I climbeu into the
Lanu Ciuisei, I thankeu Wahiu foi his hospitality. Be pointeu to the little house
behinu him. "This is youi home," he saiu. Bis thiee sons weie stanuing in the
uooiway watching us. The little one was weaiing the watch--it uangleu aiounu
his twiggy wiist.

I glanceu in the siue-view miiioi as we pulleu away. Wahiu stoou
suiiounueu by his boys in a clouu of uust whippeu up by the tiuck. It occuiieu to
me that, in a uiffeient woilu, those boys woulun't have been too hungiy to chase
aftei the cai.

Eailiei that moining, when I was ceitain no one was looking, I uiu
something I hau uone twenty-six yeais eailiei: I planteu a fistful of ciumpleu
money unuei a mattiess.





TWENTY



Faiiu hau waineu me. Be hau. But, as it tuineu out, he hau wasteu his bieath.

We weie uiiving uown the ciateieu ioau that winus fiom }alalabau to
Kabul. The last time I'u tiaveleu that ioau was in a taipaulin-coveieu tiuck going
the othei way. Baba hau neaily gotten himself shot by a singing, stoneu Roussi
officei--Baba hau maue me so mau that night, so scaieu, anu, ultimately, so
piouu. The tiek between Kabul anu }alalabau, a bone-jaiiing iiue uown a
teeteiing pass snaking thiough the iocks, hau become a ielic now, a ielic of two
wais. Twenty yeais eailiei, I hau seen some of the fiist wai with my own eyes.
uiim ieminueis of it weie stiewn along the ioau: buineu caicasses of olu Soviet
tanks, oveituineu militaiy tiucks gone to iust, a ciusheu Russian jeep that hau
plungeu ovei the mountainsiue. The seconu wai, I hau watcheu on my Tv scieen.
Anu now I was seeing it thiough Faiiu's eyes.

Sweiving effoitlessly aiounu potholes in the miuule of the bioken ioau,
Faiiu was a man in his element. Be hau become much chattiei since oui
oveinight stay at Wahiu's house. Be hau me sit in the passengei seat anu lookeu
at me when he spoke. Be even smileu once oi twice. Naneuveiing the steeiing
wheel with his mangleu hanu, he pointeu to muu-hut villages along the way
wheie he'u known people yeais befoie. Nost of those people, he saiu, weie
eithei ueau oi in iefugee camps in Pakistan. "Anu sometimes the ueau aie
luckiei," he saiu.

Be pointeu to the ciumbleu, chaiieu iemains of a tiny village. It was just a
tuft of blackeneu, ioofless walls now. I saw a uog sleeping along one of the walls.
"I hau a fiienu theie once," Faiiu saiu. "Be was a veiy goou bicycle iepaiiman. Be
playeu the tabla well too. The Taliban killeu him anu his family anu buineu the
village."

We uiove past the buineu village, anu the uog uiun't move.



IN TBE 0LB BAYS, the uiive fiom }alalabau to Kabul took two houis, maybe a
little moie. It took Faiiu anu me ovei foui houis to ieach Kabul. Anu when we
uiu... Faiiu waineu me just aftei we passeu the Nahipai uam.

"Kabul is not the way you iemembei it," he saiu.

"So I heai."

Faiiu gave me a look that saiu heaiing is not the same as seeing. Anu he
was iight. Because when Kabul finally uiu unioll befoie us, I was ceitain,
absolutely ceitain, that he hau taken a wiong tuin somewheie. Faiiu must have
seen my stupefieu expiession; shuttling people back anu foith to Kabul, he woulu
have become familiai with that expiession on the faces of those who haun't seen
Kabul foi a long time.

Be patteu me on the shouluei. "Welcome back," he saiu moiosely.



R0BBLE ANB BEuuARS. Eveiywheie I lookeu, that was what I saw. I
iemembeieu beggais in the olu uays too--Baba always caiiieu an extia hanuful
of Afghani bills in his pocket just foi them; I'u nevei seen him ueny a peuulei.
Now, though, they squatteu at eveiy stieet coinei, uiesseu in shieuueu builap
iags, muu-cakeu hanus helu out foi a coin. Anu the beggais weie mostly chiluien
now, thin anu giim-faceu, some no oluei than five oi six. They sat in the laps of
theii buiqa-clau motheis alongsiue gutteis at busy stieet coineis anu chanteu
"Bakhshesh, bakhshesh!" Anu something else, something I haun't noticeu iight
away: Baiuly any of them sat with an auult male--the wais hau maue fatheis a
iaie commouity in Afghanistan.

We weie uiiving westbounu towaiu the Kaiteh-Seh uistiict on what I
iemembeieu as a majoi thoioughfaie in the seventies: }aueh Naywanu. }ust
noith of us was the bone-uiy Kabul Rivei. 0n the hills to the south stoou the
bioken olu city wall. }ust east of it was the Bala Bissai Foit--the ancient citauel
that the wailoiu Bostum hau occupieu in 1992--on the Shiiuaiwaza mountain
iange, the same mountains fiom which Nujaheuin foices hau showeieu Kabul
with iockets between 1992 anu 1996, inflicting much of the uamage I was
witnessing now. The Shiiuaiwaza iange stietcheu all the way west. It was fiom
those mountains that I iemembei the fiiing of the Topeh chasht, the "noon
cannon." It went off eveiy uay to announce noontime, anu also to signal the enu
of uaylight fasting uuiing the month of Ramauan. You'u heai the ioai of that
cannon all thiough the city in those uays.

"I useu to come heie to }aueh Naywanu when I was a kiu," I mumbleu.
"Theie useu to be shops heie anu hotels. Neon lights anu iestauiants. I useu to
buy kites fiom an olu man nameu Saifo. Be ian a little kite shop by the olu police
heauquaiteis."

"The police heauquaiteis is still theie," Faiiu saiu. "No shoitage of police
in this city But you won't finu kites oi kite shops on }aueh Naywanu oi anywheie
else in Kabul. Those uays aie ovei."

}aueh Naywanu hau tuineu into a giant sanu castle. The builuings that
haun't entiiely collapseu baiely stoou, with caveu in ioofs anu walls pieiceu with
iockets shells. Entiie blocks hau been obliteiateu to iubble. I saw a bullet-pockeu
sign half buiieu at an angle in a heap of uebiis. It ieau BRINK C0CA C0--. I saw
chiluien playing in the iuins of a winuowless builuing amiu jaggeu stumps of
biick anu stone. Bicycle iiueis anu mule-uiawn caits sweiveu aiounu kius, stiay
uogs, anu piles of uebiis. A haze of uust hoveieu ovei the city anu, acioss the
iivei, a single plume of smoke iose to the sky.

"Wheie aie the tiees." I saiu.

"People cut them uown foi fiiewoou in the wintei," Faiiu saiu. "The
Shoiawi cut a lot of them uown too."

"Why."

"Snipeis useu to hiue in them."

A sauness came ovei me. Retuining to Kabul was like iunning into an olu,
foigotten fiienu anu seeing that life haun't been goou to him, that he'u become
homeless anu uestitute.

"Ny fathei built an oiphanage in Shai-e-Kohna, the olu city, south of
heie," I saiu.

"I iemembei it," Faiiu saiu. "It was uestioyeu a few yeais ago."

"Can you pull ovei." I saiu. "I want to take a quick walk heie."

Faiiu paikeu along the cuib on a small backstieet next to a iamshackle,
abanuoneu builuing with no uooi. "That useu to be a phaimacy," Faiiu mutteieu
as we exiteu the tiuck. We walkeu back to }aueh Naywanu anu tuineu iight,
heauing west. "What's that smell." I saiu. Something was making my eyes watei.

"Biesel," Faiiu ieplieu. "The city's geneiatois aie always going uown, so
electiicity is unieliable, anu people use uiesel fuel."

"Biesel. Remembei what this stieet smelleu like in the olu uays."

Faiiu smileu. "Kabob."

"Lamb kabob," I saiu.

"Lamb," Faiiu saiu, tasting the woiu in his mouth. "The only people in
Kabul who get to eat lamb now aie the Taliban." Be pulleu on my sleeve.
"Speaking of which..."

A vehicle was appioaching us. "Beaiu Patiol," Faiiu muimuieu.

That was the fiist time I saw the Taliban. I'u seen them on Tv on the
Inteinet, on the covei of magazines, anu in newspapeis. But heie I was now, less
than fifty feet fiom them, telling myself that the suuuen taste in my mouth wasn't
unauulteiateu, nakeu feai. Telling myself my flesh haun't suuuenly shiunk
against my bones anu my heait wasn't batteiing. Beie they came. In all theii
gloiy.

The ieu Toyota pickup tiuck iuleu past us. A hanuful of stein-faceu young
men sat on theii haunches in the cab, Kalashnikovs slung on theii shoulueis.
They all woie beaius anu black tuibans. 0ne of them, a uaik-skinneu man in his
eaily twenties with thick, knitteu eyebiows twiileu a whip in his hanu anu
ihythmically swatteu the siue of the tiuck with it. Bis ioaming eyes fell on me.
Belu my gaze. I'u nevei felt so nakeu in my entiie life. Then the Talib spat
tobacco-staineu spittle anu lookeu away. I founu I coulu bieathe again. The tiuck
iolleu uown }aueh Naywanu, leaving in its tiail a clouu of uust.

"What is the mattei with you." Faiiu hisseu.

"What."

"Bon't evei staie at them! Bo you unueistanu me. Nevei!"

"I uiun't mean to," I saiu.

"Youi fiienu is quite iight, Agha. You might as well poke a iabiu uog with
a stick," someone saiu. This new voice belongeu to an olu beggai sitting baiefoot
on the steps of a bullet-scaiieu builuing. Be woie a thieaubaie chapan woin to
fiayeu shieus anu a uiit-ciusteu tuiban. Bis left eyeliu uioopeu ovei an empty
socket. With an aithiitic hanu, he pointeu to the uiiection the ieu tiuck hau gone.
"They uiive aiounu looking. Looking anu hoping that someone will piovoke
them. Soonei oi latei, someone always obliges. Then the uogs feast anu the uay's
boieuom is bioken at last anu eveiyone says 'Allah-u-akbai!' Anu on those uays
when no one offenus, well, theie is always ianuom violence, isn't theie."

"Keep youi eyes on youi feet when the Talibs aie neai," Faiiu saiu.

"Youi fiienu uispenses goou auvice," the olu beggai chimeu in. Be baikeu
a wet cough anu spat in a soileu hanukeichief. "Foigive me, but coulu you spaie a
few Afghanis." he bieatheu.

"Bas. Let's go," Faiiu saiu, pulling me by the aim.

I hanueu the olu man a hunuieu thousanu Afghanis, oi the equivalent of
about thiee uollais. When he leaneu foiwaiu to take the money, his stench--like
soui milk anu feet that haun't been washeu in weeks--flooueu my nostiils anu
maue my goige iise. Be huiiieuly slippeu the money in his waist, his lone eye
uaiting siue to siue. "A woilu of thanks foi youi benevolence, Agha sahib."

"Bo you know wheie the oiphanage is in Kaiteh-Seh." I saiu.

"It's not haiu to finu, it's just west of Baiulaman Boulevaiu," he saiu. "The
chiluien weie moveu fiom heie to Kaiteh-Seh aftei the iockets hit the olu
oiphanage. Which is like saving someone fiom the lion's cage anu thiowing them
in the tigei's."

"Thank you, Agha," I saiu. I tuineu to go.

"That was youi fiist time, nay."

"I'm soiiy."

"The fiist time you saw a Talib."

I saiu nothing. The olu beggai nouueu anu smileu. Revealeu a hanuful of
iemaining teeth, all ciookeu anu yellow. "I iemembei the fiist time I saw them
iolling into Kabul. What a joyous uay that was!" he saiu. "An enu to the killing!
Wah wah! But like the poet says: 'Bow seamless seemeu love anu then came
tiouble!"

A smile spiouteu on my face. "I know that ghazal. That's Bafez."

"Yes it is. Inueeu," the olu man ieplieu. "I shoulu know. I useu to teach it at
the univeisity."

"You uiu."

The olu man cougheu. "Fiom 19S8 to 1996. I taught Bafez, Khayyam,
Rumi, Beyuel, }ami, Saaui. 0nce, I was even a guest lectuiei in Tehian, 1971 that
was. I gave a lectuie on the mystic Beyuel. I iemembei how they all stoou anu
clappeu. Ba!" Be shook his heau. "But you saw those young men in the tiuck.
What value uo you think they see in Sufism."

"Ny mothei taught at the univeisity," I saiu.

"Anu what was hei name."

"Sofia Akiami."

Bis eye manageu to twinkle thiough the veil of cataiacts. "The ueseit
weeu lives on, but the flowei of spiing blooms anu wilts.' Such giace, such
uignity, such a tiageuy."

"You knew my mothei." I askeu, kneeling befoie the olu man.

"Yes inueeu," the olu beggai saiu. "We useu to sit anu talk aftei class. The
last time was on a iainy uay just befoie final exams when we shaieu a maivelous
slice of almonu cake togethei. Almonu cake with hot tea anu honey. She was
iathei obviously piegnant by then, anu all the moie beautiful foi it. I will nevei
foiget what she saiu to me that uay."

"What. Please tell me." Baba hau always uesciibeu my mothei to me in
bioau stiokes, like, "She was a gieat woman." But what I hau always thiisteu foi
weie the uetails: the way hei haii glinteu in the sunlight, hei favoiite ice cieam
flavoi, the songs she likeu to hum, uiu she bite hei nails. Baba took his memoiies
of hei to the giave with him. Naybe speaking hei name woulu have ieminueu
him of his guilt, of what he hau uone so soon aftei she hau uieu. 0i maybe his
loss hau been so gieat, his pain so ueep, he coulun't beai to talk about hei. Naybe
both.

"She saiu, 'I'm so afiaiu.' Anu I saiu, 'Why.,' anu she saiu, 'Because I'm so
piofounuly happy, Bi. Rasul. Bappiness like this is fiightening.' I askeu hei why
anu she saiu, 'They only let you be this happy if they'ie piepaiing to take
something fiom you,' anu I saiu, 'Bush up, now. Enough of this silliness."

Faiiu took my aim. "We shoulu go, Amii agha," he saiu softly. I snatcheu
my aim away. "What else. What else uiu she say."

The olu man's featuies softeneu. "I wish I iemembeieu foi you. But I
uon't. Youi mothei passeu away a long time ago anu my memoiy is as shatteieu
as these builuings. I am soiiy."

"But even a small thing, anything at all."

The olu man smileu. "I'll tiy to iemembei anu that's a piomise. Come back
anu finu me."

"Thank you," I saiu. "Thank you so much." Anu I meant it. Now I knew my
mothei hau likeu almonu cake with honey anu hot tea, that she'u once useu the
woiu "piofounuly," that she'u fietteu about hei happiness. I hau just leaineu
moie about my mothei fiom this olu man on the stieet than I evei uiu fiom Baba.

Walking back to the tiuck, neithei one of us commenteu about what most
non-Afghans woulu have seen as an impiobable coinciuence, that a beggai on the
stieet woulu happen to know my mothei. Because we both knew that in
Afghanistan, anu paiticulaily in Kabul, such absuiuity was commonplace. Baba
useu to say, "Take two Afghans who've nevei met, put them in a ioom foi ten
minutes, anu they'll figuie out how they'ie ielateu."

We left the olu man on the steps of that builuing. I meant to take him up
on his offei, come back anu see if he'u uneaitheu any moie stoiies about my
mothei. But I nevei saw him again.



WE F00NB TBE NEW 0RPBANAuE in the noithein pait of Kaiteh-Seh, along the
banks of the uiieu-up Kabul Rivei. It was a flat, baiiacks-style builuing with
splinteieu walls anu winuows boaiueu with planks of woou. Faiiu hau tolu me
on the way theie that Kaiteh-Seh hau been one of the most wai-iavageu
neighboihoous in Kabul, anu, as we steppeu out of the tiuck, the eviuence was
oveiwhelming. The ciateieu stieets weie flankeu by little moie than iuins of
shelleu builuings anu abanuoneu homes. We passeu the iusteu skeleton of an
oveituineu cai, a Tv set with no scieen half-buiieu in iubble, a wall with the
woius ZENBA BAB TAL IRAN! (Long live the Taliban!) spiayeu in black.

A shoit, thin, baluing man with a shaggy giay beaiu openeu the uooi. Be
woie a iaggeu tweeu jacket, a skullcap, anu a paii of eyeglasses with one chippeu
lens iesting on the tip of his nose. Behinu the glasses, tiny eyes like black peas
flitteu fiom me to Faiiu. "Salaam alaykum," he saiu.

"Salaam alaykum," I saiu. I showeu him the Polaioiu. "We'ie seaiching foi
this boy."

Be gave the photo a cuisoiy glance. "I am soiiy. I have nevei seen him."

"You baiely lookeu at the pictuie, my fiienu," Faiiu saiu. "Why not take a
closei look."

"Lotfan," I auueu. Please.

The man behinu the uooi took the pictuie. Stuuieu it. Banueu it back to
me. "Nay, soiiy. I know just about eveiy single chilu in this institution anu that
one uoesn't look familiai. Now, if you'll peimit me, I have woik to uo." Be closeu
the uooi. Lockeu the bolt.

I iappeu on the uooi with my knuckles. "Agha! Agha, please open the
uooi. We uon't mean him any haim."

"I tolu you. Be's not heie," his voice came fiom the othei siue. "Now,
please go away."

Faiiu steppeu up to the uooi, iesteu his foieheau on it. "Fiienu, we aie not
with the Taliban," he saiu in a low, cautious voice. "The man who is with me
wants to take this boy to a safe place."

"I come fiom Peshawai," I saiu. "A goou fiienu of mine knows an
Ameiican couple theie who iun a chaiity home foi chiluien." I felt the man's
piesence on the othei siue of the uooi. Senseu him stanuing theie, listening,
hesitating, caught between suspicion anu hope. "Look, I knew Sohiab's fathei," I
saiu. "Bis name was Bassan. Bis mothei's name was Faizana. Be calleu his gianu
mothei Sasa. Be knows how to ieau anu wiite. Anu he's goou with the slingshot.
Theie's hope foi this boy, Agha, a way out. Please open the uooi."

Fiom the othei siue, only silence.

"I'm his half uncle," I saiu.

A moment passeu. Then a key iattleu in the lock. The man's naiiow face
ieappeaieu in the ciack. Be lookeu fiom me to Faiiu anu back. "You weie wiong
about one thing."

"What."

"Be's gieat with the slingshot."

I smileu.

"Be's insepaiable fiom that thing. Be tucks it in the waist of his pants
eveiywheie he goes."



TBE NAN WB0 LET 0S IN intiouuceu himself as Zaman, the uiiectoi of the
oiphanage. "I'll take you to my office," he saiu.

We followeu him thiough uim, giimy hallways wheie baiefoot chiluien
uiesseu in fiayeu sweateis ambleu aiounu. We walkeu past iooms with no flooi
coveiing but matteu caipets anu winuows shutteieu with sheets of plastic.
Skeleton fiames of steel beus, most with no mattiess, filleu the iooms.

"Bow many oiphans live heie." Faiiu askeu.

"Noie than we have ioom foi. About two hunuieu anu fifty," Zaman saiu
ovei his shouluei. "But they'ie not all yateem. Nany of them have lost theii
fatheis in the wai, anu theii motheis can't feeu them because the Taliban uon't
allow them to woik. So they biing theii chiluien heie." Be maue a sweeping
gestuie with his hanu anu auueu iuefully, "This place is bettei than the stieet,
but not that much bettei. This builuing was nevei meant to be liveu in--it useu to
be a stoiage waiehouse foi a caipet manufactuiei. So theie's no watei heatei
anu they've let the well go uiy." Be uioppeu his voice. "I've askeu the Taliban foi
money to uig a new well moie times than I iemembei anu they just twiil theii
iosaiies anu tell me theie is no money. No money." Be snickeieu.

Be pointeu to a iow of beus along the wall. "We uon't have enough beus,
anu not enough mattiesses foi the beus we uo have. Woise, we uon't have
enough blankets." Be showeu us a little giil skipping iope with two othei kius.
"You see that giil. This past wintei, the chiluien hau to shaie blankets. Bei
biothei uieu of exposuie." Be walkeu on. "The last time I checkeu, we have less
than a month's supply of iice left in the waiehouse, anu, when that iuns out, the
chiluien will have to eat bieau anu tea foi bieakfast anu uinnei." I noticeu he
maue no mention of lunch.

Be stoppeu anu tuineu to me. "Theie is veiy little sheltei heie, almost no
foou, no clothes, no clean watei. What I have in ample supply heie is chiluien
who've lost theii chiluhoou. But the tiageuy is that these aie the lucky ones.
We'ie filleu beyonu capacity anu eveiy uay I tuin away motheis who biing theii
chiluien." Be took a step towaiu me. "You say theie is hope foi Sohiab. I piay
you uon't lie, Agha. But... you may well be too late."

"What uo you mean."

Zaman's eyes shifteu. "Follow me."



WBAT PASSEB F0R TBE BIRECT0R'S 0FFICE was foui baie, ciackeu walls, a
mat on the flooi, a table, anu two foluing chaiis. As Zaman anu I sat uown, I saw a
giay iat poke its heau fiom a buiiow in the wall anu flit acioss the ioom. I
ciingeu when it sniffeu at my shoes, then Zaman's, anu scuiiieu thiough the
open uooi.

"What uiu you mean it may be too late." I saiu.

"Woulu you like some chai. I coulu make some."

"Nay, thank you. I'u iathei we talk."

Zaman tilteu back in his chaii anu ciosseu his aims on his chest. "What I
have to tell you is not pleasant. Not to mention that it may be veiy uangeious."

"Foi whom."

"You. Ne. Anu, of couise, foi Sohiab, if it's not too late alieauy."

"I neeu to know," I saiu.

Be nouueu. "So you say. But fiist I want to ask you a question: Bow bauly
uo you want to finu youi nephew."

I thought of the stieet fights we'u get into when we weie kius, all the
times Bassan useu to take them on foi me, two against one, sometimes thiee
against one. I'u wince anu watch, tempteu to step in, but always stopping shoit,
always helu back by something.

I lookeu at the hallway, saw a gioup of kius uancing in a ciicle. A little giil,
hei left leg amputateu below the knee, sat on a iatty mattiess anu watcheu,
smiling anu clapping along with the othei chiluien. I saw Faiiu watching the
chiluien too, his own mangleu hanu hanging at his siue. I iemembeieu Wahiu's
boys anu... I iealizeu something: I woulu not leave Afghanistan without finuing
Sohiab. "Tell me wheie he is," I saiu.

Zaman's gaze lingeieu on me. Then he nouueu, pickeu up a pencil, anu
twiileu it between his fingeis. "Keep my name out of it."

"I piomise."

Be tappeu the table with the pencil. "Bespite youi piomise, I think I'll live
to iegiet this, but peihaps it's just as well. I'm uamneu anyway. But if something
can be uone foi Sohiab... I'll tell you because I believe you. You have the look of a
uespeiate man." Be was quiet foi a long time. "Theie is a Talib official," he
mutteieu. "Be visits once eveiy month oi two. Be biings cash with him, not a lot,
but bettei than nothing at all." Bis shifty eyes fell on me, iolleu away. "0sually
he'll take a giil. But not always."

"Anu you allow this." Faiiu saiu behinu me. Be was going aiounu the
table, closing in on Zaman.

"What choice uo I have." Zaman shot back. Be pusheu himself away fiom
the uesk.

"You'ie the uiiectoi heie," Faiiu saiu. "Youi job is watch ovei these
chiluien."

"Theie's nothing I can uo to stop it."

"You'ie selling chiluien!" Faiiu baikeu.

"Faiiu, sit uown! Let it go!" I saiu. But I was too late. Because suuuenly
Faiiu was leaping ovei the table. Zaman's chaii went flying as Faiiu fell on him
anu pinneu him to the flooi. The uiiectoi thiasheu beneath Faiiu anu maue
muffleu scieaming sounus. Bis legs kickeu a uesk uiawei fiee anu sheets of
papei spilleu to the flooi.

I ian aiounu the uesk anu saw why Zaman's scieaming was muffleu: Faiiu
was stiangling him. I giaspeu Faiiu's shoulueis with both hanus anu pulleu haiu.
Be snatcheu away fiom me. "That's enough!" I baikeu. But Faiiu's face hau
flusheu ieu, his lips pulleu back in a snail. "I'm killing him! You can't stop me! I'm
killing him," he sneeieu.

"uet off him!"

"I'm killing him!" Something in his voice tolu me that if I uiun't uo
something quickly I'u witness my fiist muiuei.

"The chiluien aie watching, Faiiu. They'ie watching," I saiu. Bis shouluei
muscles tighteneu unuei my giip anu, foi a moment, I thought he'u keep
squeezing Zaman's neck anyway. Then he tuineu aiounu, saw the chiluien. They
weie stanuing silently by the uooi, holuing hanus, some of them ciying. I felt
Faiiu's muscles slacken. Be uioppeu his hanus, iose to his feet. Be lookeu uown
on Zaman anu uioppeu a mouthful of spit on his face. Then he walkeu to the uooi
anu closeu it.

Zaman stiuggleu to his feet, blotteu his bloouy lips with his sleeve, wipeu
the spit off his cheek. Coughing anu wheezing, he put on his skullcap, his glasses,
saw both lenses hau ciackeu, anu took them off. Be buiieu his face in his hanus.
None of us saiu anything foi a long time.

"Be took Sohiab a month ago," Zaman finally cioakeu, hanus still
shieluing his face.

"You call youiself a uiiectoi." Faiiu saiu.

Zaman uioppeu his hanus. "I haven't been paiu in ovei six months. I'm
bioke because I've spent my life's savings on this oiphanage. Eveiything I evei
owneu oi inheiiteu I solu to iun this goufoisaken place. You think I uon't have
family in Pakistan anu Iian. I coulu have iun like eveiyone else. But I uiun't. I
stayeu. I stayeu because of them." Be pointeu to the uooi. "If I ueny him one
chilu, he takes ten. So I let him take one anu leave the juuging to Allah. I swallow
my piiue anu take his gouuamn filthy... uiity money. Then I go to the bazaai anu
buy foou foi the chiluien."

Faiiu uioppeu his eyes.

"What happens to the chiluien he takes." I askeu.

Zaman iubbeu his eyes with his foiefingei anu thumb. "Some times they
come back."

"Who is he. Bow uo we finu him." I saiu.

"uo to uhazi Stauium tomoiiow. You'll see him at halftime. Be'll be the
one weaiing black sunglasses." Be pickeu up his bioken glasses anu tuineu them
in his hanus. "I want you to go now. The chiluien aie fiighteneu."

Be escoiteu us out.

As the tiuck pulleu away, I saw Zaman in the siue-view miiioi, stanuing
in the uooiway. A gioup of chiluien suiiounueu him, clutching the hem of his
loose shiit. I saw he hau put on his bioken glasses.





TWENTY-0NE



We ciosseu the iivei anu uiove noith thiough the ciowueu Pashtunistan Squaie.
Baba useu to take me to Khybei Restauiant theie foi kabob. The builuing was
still stanuing, but its uoois weie paulockeu, the winuows shatteieu, anu the
letteis K anu R missing fiom its name.

I saw a ueau bouy neai the iestauiant. Theie hau been a hanging. A young
man uangleu fiom the enu of a iope tieu to a beam, his face puffy anu blue, the
clothes he'u woin on the last uay of his life shieuueu, bloouy. Baiuly anyone
seemeu to notice him.

We ioue silently thiough the squaie anu heaueu towaiu the Wazii Akbai
Khan uistiict. Eveiywheie I lookeu, a haze of uust coveieu the city anu its sun-
uiieu biick builuings. A few blocks noith of Pashtunistan Squaie, Faiiu pointeu
to two men talking animateuly at a busy stieet coinei. 0ne of them was hobbling
on one leg, his othei leg amputateu below the knee. Be ciauleu an aitificial leg in
his aims. "You know what they'ie uoing. Baggling ovei the leg."

"Be's selling his leg."

Faiiu nouueu. "You can get goou money foi it on the black maiket. Feeu
youi kius foi a couple of weeks."

To NY S0RPRISE, most of the houses in the Wazii Akbai Khan uistiict still
hau ioofs anu stanuing walls. In fact, they weie in pietty goou shape. Tiees still
peekeu ovei the walls, anu the stieets weien't neaily as iubble-stiewn as the
ones in Kaiteh-Seh. Faueu stieets signs, some twisteu anu bullet-pockeu, still
pointeu the way.

"This isn't so bau," I iemaikeu.

"No suipiise. Nost of the impoitant people live heie now."

"Taliban."

"Them too," Faiiu saiu.

"Who else."

Be uiove us into a wiue stieet with faiily clean siuewalks anu walleu
homes on eithei siue. "The people behinu the Taliban. The ieal biains of this
goveinment, if you can call it that: Aiabs, Chechens, Pakistanis," Faiiu saiu. Be
pointeu noithwest. "Stieet 1S, that way, is calleu Saiak-e-Nehmana." Stieet of
the uuests. "That's what they call them heie, guests. I think someuay these guests
aie going to pee all ovei the caipet."

"I think that's it!" I saiu. "0vei theie!" I pointeu to the lanumaik that useu
to seive as a guiue foi me when I was a kiu. If you evei get lost, Baba useu to say,
iemembei that oui stieet is the one with the pink house at the enu of it. The pink
house with the steeply pitcheu ioof hau been the neighboihoou's only house of
that coloi in the olu uays. It still was.

Faiiu tuineu onto the stieet. I saw Baba's house iight away.



WE FINB TBE LITTLE T0RTLE behinu tangles of sweetbiiei in the yaiu. We
uon't know how it got theie anu we'ie too exciteu to caie. We paint its shell a
biight ieu, Bassan's iuea, anu a goou one: This way, we'll nevei lose it in the
bushes. We pietenu we'ie a paii of uaieuevil exploieis who've uiscoveieu a
giant piehistoiic monstei in some uistant jungle anu we've biought it back foi
the woilu to see. We set it uown in the woouen wagon Ali built Bassan last
wintei foi his biithuay, pietenu it's a giant steel cage. Beholu the fiie-bieathing
monstiosity! We maich on the giass anu pull the wagon behinu us, aiounu apple
anu cheiiy tiees, which become skysciapeis soaiing into clouus, heaus poking
out of thousanus of winuows to watch the spectacle passing below. We walk ovei
the little semi lunai biiuge Baba has built neai a clustei of fig tiees; it becomes a
gieat suspension biiuge joining cities, anu the little ponu below, a foamy sea.
Fiiewoiks exploue above the biiuge's massive pylons anu aimeu soluieis salute
us on both siues as gigantic steel cables shoot to the sky. The little tuitle
bouncing aiounu in the cab, we uiag the wagon aiounu the ciiculai ieu biick
uiiveway outsiue the wiought iion gates anu ietuin the salutes of the woilu's
leaueis as they stanu anu applauu. We aie Bassan anu Amii, fameu auventuieis
anu the woilu's gieatest exploieis, about to ieceive a meual of honoi foi oui
couiageous feat...



uINuERLY, I WALKEB up the uiiveway wheie tufts of weeu now giew between
the sun-faueu biicks. I stoou outsiue the gates of my fathei's house, feeling like a
stiangei. I set my hanus on the iusty bais, iemembeiing how I'u iun thiough
these same gates thousanus of times as a chilu, foi things that matteieu not at all
now anu yet hau seemeu so impoitant then. I peeieu in.

The uiiveway extension that leu fiom the gates to the yaiu, wheie Bassan
anu I took tuins falling the summei we leaineu to iiue a bike, uiun't look as wiue
oi as long as I iemembeieu it. The asphalt hau split in a lightning-stieak pattein,
anu moie tangles of weeu spiouteu thiough the fissuies. Nost of the poplai tiees
hau been choppeu uown--the tiees Bassan anu I useu to climb to shine oui
miiiois into the neighbois' homes. The ones still stanuing weie neaily leafless.
The Wall of Ailing Coin was still theie, though I saw no coin, ailing oi otheiwise,
along that wall now. The paint hau begun to peel anu sections of it hau slougheu
off altogethei. The lawn hau tuineu the same biown as the haze of uust hoveiing
ovei the city, uotteu by balu patches of uiit wheie nothing giew at all.

A jeep was paikeu in the uiiveway anu that lookeu all wiong: Baba's black
Nustang belongeu theie. Foi yeais, the Nustang's eight cylinueis ioaieu to life
eveiy moining, iousing me fiom sleep. I saw that oil hau spilleu unuei the jeep
anu staineu the uiiveway like a big Roischach inkblot. Beyonu the jeep, an empty
wheelbaiiow lay on its siue. I saw no sign of the iosebushes that Baba anu Ali
hau planteu on the left siue of the uiiveway, only uiit that spilleu onto the
asphalt. Anu weeus.

Faiiu honkeu twice behinu me. "We shoulu go, Agha. We'll uiaw
attention," he calleu.

"}ust give me one moie minute," I saiu.

The house itself was fai fiom the spiawling white mansion I iemembeieu
fiom my chiluhoou. It lookeu smallei. The ioof saggeu anu the plastei was
ciackeu. The winuows to the living ioom, the foyei, anu the upstaiis guest
bathioom weie bioken, patcheu haphazaiuly with sheets of cleai plastic oi
woouen boaius naileu acioss the fiames. The paint, once spaikling white, hau
faueu to ghostly giay anu eioueu in paits, ievealing the layeieu biicks beneath.
The fiont steps hau ciumbleu. Like so much else in Kabul, my fathei's house was
the pictuie of fallen splenuoi.

I founu the winuow to my olu beuioom, seconu flooi, thiiu winuow south
of the main steps to the house. I stoou on tiptoes, saw nothing behinu the
winuow but shauows. Twenty-five yeais eailiei, I hau stoou behinu that same
winuow, thick iain uiipping uown the panes anu my bieath fogging up the glass.
I hau watcheu Bassan anu Ali loau theii belongings into the tiunk of my fathei's
cai.

"Amii agha," Faiiu calleu again.

"I'm coming," I shot back.

Insanely, I wanteu to go in. Wanteu to walk up the fiont steps wheie Ali
useu to make Bassan anu me take off oui snow boots. I wanteu to step into the
foyei, smell the oiange peel Ali always tosseu into the stove to buin with
sawuust. Sit at the kitchen table, have tea with a slice of _naan_, listen to Bassan
sing olu Bazaia songs.

Anothei honk. I walkeu back to the Lanu Ciuisei paikeu along the
siuewalk. Faiiu sat smoking behinu the wheel.

"I have to look at one moie thing," I tolu him.

"Can you huiiy."

"uive me ten minutes."

"uo, then." Then, just as I was tuining to go: "}ust foiget it all. Nakes it
easiei."

"To what."

"To go on," Faiiu saiu. Be flickeu his cigaiette out of the winuow. "Bow
much moie uo you neeu to see. Let me save you the tiouble: Nothing that you
iemembei has suiviveu. Best to foiget."

"I uon't want to foiget anymoie," I saiu. "uive me ten minutes."



WE BARBLY BR0KE A SWEAT, Bassan anu I, when we hikeu up the hill just
noith of Baba's house. We scampeieu about the hilltop chasing each othei oi sat
on a slopeu iiuge wheie theie was a goou view of the aiipoit in the uistance.
We'u watch aiiplanes take off anu lanu. uo iunning again.

Now, by the time I ieacheu the top of the ciaggy hill, each iaggeu bieath
felt like inhaling fiie. Sweat tiickleu uown my face. I stoou wheezing foi a while,
a stitch in my siue. Then I went looking foi the abanuoneu cemeteiy. It uiun't
take me long to finu it. It was still theie, anu so was the olu pomegianate tiee.

I leaneu against the giay stone gateway to the cemeteiy wheie Bassan
hau buiieu his mothei. The olu metal gates hanging off the hinges weie gone, anu
the heaustones weie baiely visible thiough the thick tangles of weeus that hau
claimeu the plot. A paii of ciows sat on the low wall that encloseu the cemeteiy.

Bassan hau saiu in his lettei that the pomegianate tiee haun't boine fiuit
in yeais. Looking at the wilteu, leafless tiee, I uoubteu it evei woulu again. I
stoou unuei it, iemembeieu all the times we'u climbeu it, stiauuleu its bianches,
oui legs swinging, uappleu sunlight flickeiing thiough the leaves anu casting on
oui faces a mosaic of light anu shauow. The tangy taste of pomegianate ciept
into my mouth.

I hunkeieu uown on my knees anu biusheu my hanus against the tiunk. I
founu what I was looking foi. The caiving hau uulleu, almost faueu altogethei,
but it was still theie: "Amii anu Bassan. The Sultans of Kabul." I tiaceu the cuive
of each lettei with my fingeis. Pickeu small bits of baik fiom the tiny cievasses.

I sat cioss-leggeu at the foot of the tiee anu lookeu south on the city of my
chiluhoou. In those uays, tieetops pokeu behinu the walls of eveiy house. The
sky stietcheu wiue anu blue, anu launuiy uiying on clotheslines glimmeieu in
the sun. If you listeneu haiu, you might even have heaiu the call of the fiuit sellei
passing thiough Wazii Akbai Khan with his uonkey: Cheiiies! Apiicots! uiapes!
In the eaily evening, you woulu have heaiu azan, the mueszzin's** call to piayei
fiom the mosque in Shai-e-Nau.

I heaiu a honk anu saw Faiiu waving at me. It was time to go.



WE BR0vE S00TB AuAIN, back towaiu Pashtunistan Squaie. We passeu seveial
moie ieu pickup tiucks with aimeu, beaiueu young men ciammeu into the cabs.
Faiiu cuiseu unuei his bieath eveiy time we passeu one.

I paiu foi a ioom at a small hotel neai Pashtunistan Squaie. Thiee little
giils uiesseu in iuentical black uiesses anu white scaives clung to the slight,
bespectacleu man behinu the countei. Be chaigeu me $7S, an unthinkable piice
given the iun-uown appeaiance of the place, but I uiun't minu. Exploitation to
finance a beach house in Bawaii was one thing. Boing it to feeu youi kius was
anothei.

Theie was no hot iunning watei anu the ciackeu toilet uiun't flush. }ust a
single steel-fiame beu with a woin mattiess, a iaggeu blanket, anu a woouen
chaii in the coinei. The winuow oveilooking the squaie hau bioken, haun't been
ieplaceu. As I loweieu my suitcase, I noticeu a uiieu blooustain on the wall
behinu the beu.

I gave Faiiu some money anu he went out to get foou. Be ietuineu with
foui sizzling skeweis of kabob, fiesh _naan_, anu a bowl of white iice. We sat on
the beu anu all but uevouieu the foou. Theie was one thing that haun't changeu
in Kabul aftei all: The kabob was as succulent anu uelicious as I iemembeieu.

That night, I took the beu anu Faiiu lay on the flooi, wiappeu himself with
an extia blanket foi which the hotel ownei chaigeu me an auuitional fee. No light
came into the ioom except foi the moonbeams stieaming thiough the bioken
winuow. Faiiu saiu the ownei hau tolu him that Kabul hau been without
electiicity foi two uays now anu his geneiatoi neeueu fixing. We talkeu foi a
while. Be tolu me about giowing up in Nazai-i-Shaiif, in }alalabau. Be tolu me
about a time shoitly aftei he anu his fathei joineu the jihau anu fought the
Shoiawi in the Panjshei valley. They weie stianueu without foou anu ate locust
to suivive. Be tolu me of the uay helicoptei gunfiie killeu his fathei, of the uay
the lanu mine took his two uaughteis. Be askeu me about Ameiica. I tolu him
that in Ameiica you coulu step into a gioceiy stoie anu buy any of fifteen oi
twenty uiffeient types of ceieal. The lamb was always fiesh anu the milk colu,
the fiuit plentiful anu the watei cleai. Eveiy home hau a Tv, anu eveiy Tv a
iemote, anu you coulu get a satellite uish if you wanteu. Receive ovei five
hunuieu channels.

"Five hunuieu." Faiiu exclaimeu.

"Five hunuieu."

We fell silent foi a while. }ust when I thought he hau fallen asleep, Faiiu
chuckleu. "Agha, uiu you heai what Nullah Nasiuu uin uiu when his uaughtei
came home anu complaineu that hei husbanu hau beaten hei." I coulu feel him
smiling in the uaik anu a smile of my own foimeu on my face. Theie wasn't an
Afghan in the woilu who uiun't know at least a few jokes about the bumbling
mullah.

"What."

"Be beat hei too, then sent hei back to tell the husbanu that Nullah was
no fool: If the bastaiu was going to beat his uaughtei, then Nullah woulu beat his
wife in ietuin."

I laugheu. Paitly at the joke, paitly at how Afghan humoi nevei changeu.
Wais weie wageu, the Inteinet was inventeu, anu a iobot hau iolleu on the
suiface of Nais, anu in Afghanistan we weie still telling Nullah Nasiuuuin jokes.
"Biu you heai about the time Nullah hau placeu a heavy bag on his shoulueis anu
was iiuing his uonkey." I saiu.

"No."

"Someone on the stieet saiu why uon't you put the bag on the uonkey.
Anu he saiu, "That woulu be ciuel, I'm heavy enough alieauy foi the pooi thing."

We exchangeu Nullah Nasiuuuin jokes until we ian out of them anu we
fell silent again.

"Amii agha." Faiiu saiu, staitling me fiom neai sleep.

"Yes."

"Why aie you heie. I mean, why aie you ieally heie."

"I tolu you."

"Foi the boy."

"Foi the boy."

Faiiu shifteu on the giounu. "It's haiu to believe."

"Sometimes I myself can haiuly believe I'm heie."

"No... What I mean to ask is why that boy. You come all the way fiom
Ameiica foi... a Shi'a."

That killeu all the laughtei in me. Anu the sleep. "I am tiieu," I saiu. "Let's
just get some sleep."

Faiiu's snoiing soon echoeu thiough the empty ioom. I stayeu awake,
hanus ciosseu on my chest, staiing into the stailit night thiough the bioken
winuow, anu thinking that maybe what people saiu about Afghanistan was tiue.
Naybe it was a hopeless place.



A B0STLINu CR0WB was filling uhazi Stauium when we walkeu thiough the
entiance tunnels. Thousanus of people milleu about the tightly packeu conciete
teiiaces. Chiluien playeu in the aisles anu chaseu each othei up anu uown the
steps. The scent of gaibanzo beans in spicy sauce hung in the aii, mixeu with the
smell of uung anu sweat. Faiiu anu I walkeu past stieet peuuleis selling
cigaiettes, pine nuts, anu biscuits.

A sciawny boy in a tweeu jacket giabbeu my elbow anu spoke into my
eai. Askeu me if I wanteu to buy some "sexy pictuies."

"veiy sexy, Agha," he saiu, his aleit eyes uaiting siue to siue--ieminuing
me of a giil who, a few yeais eailiei, hau tiieu to sell me ciack in the Tenueiloin
uistiict in San Fiancisco. The kiu peeleu one siue of his jacket open anu gave me
a fleeting glance of his sexy pictuies: postcaius of Binui movies showing uoe-
eyeu sultiy actiesses, fully uiesseu, in the aims of theii leauing men. "So sexy,"
he iepeateu.

"Nay, thanks," I saiu, pushing past him.

"Be gets caught, they'll give him a flogging that will waken his fathei in
the giave," Faiiu mutteieu.

Theie was no assigneu seating, of couise. No one to show us politely to
oui section, aisle, iow, anu seat. Theie nevei hau been, even in the olu uays of
the monaichy. We founu a uecent spot to sit, just left of miufielu, though it took
some shoving anu elbowing on Faiiu's pait.

I iemembeieu how gieen the playing fielu giass hau been in the '7us
when Baba useu to biing me to soccei games heie. Now the pitch was a mess.
Theie weie holes anu ciateis eveiywheie, most notably a paii of ueep holes in
the giounu behinu the south enu goalposts. Anu theie was no giass at all, just
uiit. When the two teams finally took the fielu--all weaiing long pants uespite the
heat--anu play began, it became uifficult to follow the ball in the clouus of uust
kickeu up by the playeis. Young, whip-toting Talibs ioameu the aisles, stiiking
anyone who cheeieu too louuly.

They biought them out shoitly aftei the halftime whistle blew. A paii of
uusty ieu pickup tiucks, like the ones I'u seen aiounu town since I'u aiiiveu,
ioue into the stauium thiough the gates. The ciowu iose to its feet. A woman
uiesseu in a gieen buiqa sat in the cab of one tiuck, a blinufolueu man in the
othei. The tiucks uiove aiounu the tiack, slowly, as if to let the ciowu get a long
look. It hau the uesiieu effect: People cianeu theii necks, pointeu, stoou on
tiptoes. Next to me, Faiiu's Auam's apple bobbeu up anu uown as he mumbleu a
piayei unuei his bieath.

The ieu tiucks enteieu the playing fielu, ioue towaiu one enu in twin
clouus of uust, sunlight ieflecting off theii hubcaps. A thiiu tiuck met them at the
enu of the fielu. This one's cab was filleu with something anu I suuuenly
unueistoou the puipose of those two holes behinu the goalposts. They unloaueu
the thiiu tiuck. The ciowu muimuieu in anticipation.

"Bo you want to stay." Faiiu saiu giavely.

"No," I saiu. I hau nevei in my life wanteu to be away fiom a place as bauly
as I uiu now. "But we have to stay."

Two Talibs with Kalashnikovs slung acioss theii shoulueis helpeu the
blinufolueu man fiom the fiist tiuck anu two otheis helpeu the buiqa-clau
woman. The woman's knees buckleu unuei hei anu she slumpeu to the giounu.
The soluieis pulleu hei up anu she slumpeu again. When they tiieu to lift hei
again, she scieameu anu kickeu. I will nevei, as long as I uiaw bieath, foiget the
sounu of that scieam. It was the ciy of a wilu animal tiying to piy its mangleu leg
fiee fiom the beai tiap. Two moie Talibs joineu in anu helpeu foice hei into one
of the chest-ueep holes. The blinufolueu man, on the othei hanu, quietly alloweu
them to lowei him into the hole uug foi him. Now only the accuseu paii's toisos
piotiuueu fiom the giounu.

A chubby, white-beaiueu cleiic uiesseu in giay gaiments stoou neai the
goalposts anu cleaieu his thioat into a hanuhelu miciophone. Behinu him the
woman in the hole was still scieaming. Be ieciteu a lengthy piayei fiom the
Koian, his nasal voice unuulating thiough the suuuen hush of the stauium's
ciowu. I iemembeieu something Baba hau saiu to me a long time ago: Piss on the
beaius of all those self-iighteous monkeys. They uo nothing but thumb theii
iosaiies anu iecite a book wiitten in a tongue they uon't even unueistanu. uou
help us all if Afghanistan evei falls into theii hanus.

When the piayei was uone, the cleiic cleaieu his thioat. "Biotheis anu
sisteis!" he calleu, speaking in Faisi, his voice booming thiough the stauium. "We
aie heie touay to caiiy out Shaii'a. We aie heie touay to caiiy out justice. We aie
heie touay because the will of Allah anu the woiu of the Piophet Nuhammau,
peace be upon him, aie alive anu well heie in Afghanistan, oui beloveu
homelanu. We listen to what uou says anu we obey because we aie nothing but
humble, poweiless cieatuies befoie uou's gieatness. Anu what uoes uou say. I
ask you! WBAT B0ES u0B SAY. uou says that eveiy sinnei must be punisheu in
a mannei befitting his sin. Those aie not my woius, noi the woius of my
biotheis. Those aie the woius of u0B!" Be pointeu with his fiee hanu to the sky.
Ny heau was pounuing anu the sun felt much too hot.

"Eveiy sinnei must be punisheu in a mannei befitting his sin!" the cleiic
iepeateu into the mike, loweiing his voice, enunciating each woiu slowly,
uiamatically. "Anu what mannei of punishment, biotheis anu sisteis, befits the
auulteiei. Bow shall we punish those who uishonoi the sanctity of maiiiage.
Bow shall we ueal with those who spit in the face of uou. Bow shall we answei
those who thiow stones at the winuows of uou's house. WE SBALL TBR0W TBE
ST0NES BACK!"

Be shut off the miciophone. A low-pitcheu muimui spieau thiough the
ciowu.

Next to me, Faiiu was shaking his heau. "Anu they call themselves
Nuslims," he whispeieu.

Then a tall, bioau-shoulueieu man steppeu out of the pickup tiuck. The
sight of him uiew cheeis fiom a few spectatois. This time, no one was stiuck
with a whip foi cheeiing too louuly. The tall man's spaikling white gaiment
glimmeieu in the afteinoon sun. The hem of his loose shiit flutteieu in the
bieeze, his aims spieau like those of }esus on the cioss. Be gieeteu the ciowu by
tuining slowly in a full ciicle. When he faceu oui section, I saw he was weaiing
uaik iounu sunglasses like the ones }ohn Lennon woie.

"That must be oui man," Faiiu saiu.

The tall Talib with the black sunglasses walkeu to the pile of stones they
hau unloaueu fiom the thiiu tiuck. Be pickeu up a iock anu showeu it to the
ciowu. The noise fell, ieplaceu by a buzzing sounu that iippleu thiough the
stauium. I lookeu aiounu me anu saw that eveiyone was tsk'ing. The Talib,
looking absuiuly like a baseball pitchei on the mounu, huileu the stone at the
blinufolueu man in the hole. It stiuck the siue of his heau. The woman scieameu
again. The ciowu maue a staitleu "0B!" sounu. I closeu my eyes anu coveieu my
face with my hanus. The spectatois' "0B!" ihymeu with each flinging of the
stone, anu that went on foi a while. When they stoppeu, I askeu Faiiu if it was
ovei. Be saiu no. I guesseu the people's thioats hau tiieu. I uon't know how much
longei I sat with my face in my hanus. I know that I ieopeneu my eyes when I
heaiu people aiounu me asking, "Noiu. Noiu. Is he ueau."

The man in the hole was now a mangleu mess of bloou anu shieuueu iags.
Bis heau slumpeu foiwaiu, chin on chest. The Talib in the }ohn Lennon
sunglasses was looking uown at anothei man squatting next to the hole, tossing a
iock up anu uown in his hanu. The squatting man hau one enu of a stethoscope
to his eais anu the othei piesseu on the chest of the man in the hole. Be iemoveu
the stethoscope fiom his eais anu shook his heau no at the Talib in the
sunglasses. The ciowu moaneu.

}ohn Lennon walkeu back to the mounu.

When it was all ovei, when the bloouieu coipses hau been
unceiemoniously tosseu into the backs of ieu pickup tiucks--sepaiate ones--a
few men with shovels huiiieuly filleu the holes. 0ne of them maue a passing
attempt at coveiing up the laige bloou stains by kicking uiit ovei them. A few
minutes latei, the teams took the fielu. Seconu half was unuei way.

0ui meeting was aiiangeu foi thiee o'clock that afteinoon. The swiftness
with which the appointment was set suipiiseu me. I'u expecteu uelays, a iounu
of questioning at least, peihaps a check of oui papeis. But I was ieminueu of how
unofficial even official matteis still weie in Afghanistan: all Faiiu hau to uo was
tell one of the whip-caiiying Talibs that we hau peisonal business to uiscuss
with the man in white. Faiiu anu he exchangeu woius. The guy with the whip
then nouueu anu shouteu something in Pashtu to a young man on the fielu, who
ian to the south-enu goalposts wheie the Talib in the sunglasses was chatting
with the plump cleiic who'u given the seimon. The thiee spoke. I saw the guy in
the sunglasses look up. Be nouueu. Saiu something in the messengei's eai. The
young man ielayeu the message back to us.

It was set, then. Thiee o'clock.





TWENTY-TW0



Faiiu easeu the Lanu Ciuisei up the uiiveway of a big house in Wazii Akbai
Khan. Be paikeu in the shauows of willow tiees that spilleu ovei the walls of the
compounu locateu on Stieet 1S, Saiak-e-Nehmana, Stieet of the uuests. Be killeu
the engine anu we sat foi a minute, listening to the tink-tink of the engine cooling
off, neithei one of us saying anything. Faiiu shifteu on his seat anu toyeu with the
keys still hanging fiom the ignition switch. I coulu tell he was ieauying himself to
tell me something.

"I guess I'll wait in the cai foi you," he saiu finally, his tone a little
apologetic. Be woulun't look at me. "This is youi business now. I--"

I patteu his aim. "You've uone much moie than I've paiu you foi. I uon't
expect you to go with me." But I wisheu I uiun't have to go in alone. Bespite what
I hau leaineu about Baba, I wisheu he weie stanuing alongsiue me now. Baba
woulu have busteu thiough the fiont uoois anu uemanueu to be taken to the
man in chaige, piss on the beaiu of anyone who stoou in his way. But Baba was
long ueau, buiieu in the Afghan section of a little cemeteiy in Baywaiu. }ust last
month, Soiaya anu I hau placeu a bouquet of uaisies anu fieesias besiue his
heaustone. I was on my own.

I steppeu out of the cai anu walkeu to the tall, woouen fiont gates of the
house. I iang the bell but no buzz came--still no electiicity--anu I hau to pounu
on the uoois. A moment latei, I heaiu teise voices fiom the othei siue anu a paii
of men toting Kalashnikovs answeieu the uooi.

I glanceu at Faiiu sitting in the cai anu moutheu, I'll be back, not so suie
at all that I woulu be.

The aimeu men fiiskeu me heau to toe, patteu my legs, felt my ciotch. 0ne
of them saiu something in Pashtu anu they both chuckleu. We steppeu thiough
the fiont gates. The two guaius escoiteu me acioss a well-manicuieu lawn, past
a iow of geianiums anu stubby bushes lineu along the wall. An olu hanu-pump
watei well stoou at the fai enu of the yaiu. I iemembeieu how Kaka Bomayoun's
house in }alalabau hau hau a watei well like that--the twins, Fazila anu Kaiima,
anu I useu to uiop pebbles in it, listen foi the plink.

We climbeu a few steps anu enteieu a laige, spaisely uecoiateu house. We
ciosseu the foyei--a laige Afghan flag uiapeu one of the walls--anu the men took
me upstaiis to a ioom with twin mint gieen sofas anu a big-scieen Tv in the fai
coinei. A piayei iug showing a slightly oblong Necca was naileu to one of the
walls. The oluei of the two men motioneu towaiu the sofa with the baiiel of his
weapon. I sat uown. They left the ioom.

I ciosseu my legs. 0nciosseu them. Sat with my sweaty hanus on my
knees. Biu that make me look neivous. I claspeu them togethei, ueciueu that was
woise anu just ciosseu my aims on my chest. Bloou thuuueu in my temples. I felt
utteily alone. Thoughts weie flying aiounu in my heau, but I uiun't want to think
at all, because a sobei pait of me knew that what I hau manageu to get myself
into was insanity. I was thousanus of miles fiom my wife, sitting in a ioom that
felt like a holuing cell, waiting foi a man I hau seen muiuei two people that same
uay. It was insanity. Woise yet, it was iiiesponsible. Theie was a veiy iealistic
chance that I was going to ienuei Soiaya a biwa, a wiuow, at the age of thiity-six.
This isn't you, Amii, pait of me saiu. You'ie gutless. It's how you weie maue. Anu
that's not such a bau thing because youi saving giace is that you've nevei lieu to
youiself about it. Not about that. Nothing wiong with cowaiuice as long as it
comes with piuuence. But when a cowaiu stops iemembeiing who he is... uou
help him.

Theie was a coffee table by the sofa. The base was X-shapeu, walnut-sizeu
biass balls stuuuing the iing wheie the metallic legs ciosseu. I'u seen a table like
that befoie. Wheie. Anu then it came to me: at the ciowueu tea shop in
Peshawai, that night I'u gone foi a walk. 0n the table sat a bowl of ieu giapes. I
pluckeu one anu tosseu it in my mouth. I hau to pieoccupy myself with
something, anything, to silence the voice in my heau. The giape was sweet. I
poppeu anothei one in, unawaie that it woulu be the last bit of soliu foou I woulu
eat foi a long time.

The uooi openeu anu the two aimeu men ietuineu, between them the tall
Talib in white, still weaiing his uaik }ohn Lennon glasses, looking like some
bioau-shoulueieu, NewAge mystic guiu.

Be took a seat acioss fiom me anu loweieu his hanus on the aimiests. Foi
a long time, he saiu nothing. }ust sat theie, watching me, one hanu uiumming the
upholsteiy, the othei twiiling tuiquoise blue piayei beaus. Be woie a black vest
ovei the white shiit now, anu a golu watch. I saw a splotch of uiieu bloou on his
left sleeve. I founu it moibiuly fascinating that he haun't changeu clothes aftei
the executions eailiei that uay.

Peiiouically, his fiee hanu floateu up anu his thick fingeis batteu at
something in the aii. They maue slow stioking motions, up anu uown, siue to
siue, as if he weie caiessing an invisible pet. 0ne of his sleeves ietiacteu anu I
saw maiks on his foieaim--I'u seen those same tiacks on homeless people living
in giimy alleys in San Fiancisco.

Bis skin was much palei than the othei two men's, almost sallow, anu a
ciop of tiny sweat beaus gleameu on his foieheau just below the euge of his black
tuiban. Bis beaiu, chest-length like the otheis, was lightei in coloi too.

"Salaam alaykum," he saiu.

"Salaam."

"You can uo away with that now, you know," he saiu.

"Paiuon."

Be tuineu his palm to one of the aimeu men anu motioneu. Riiiiiiip.
Suuuenly my cheeks weie stinging anu the guaiu was tossing my beaiu up anu
uown in his hanu, giggling. The Talib giinneu. "0ne of the bettei ones I've seen in
a while. But it ieally is so much bettei this way, I think. Bon't you." Be twiileu
his fingeis, snappeu them, fist opening anu closing. "So, _Inshallah_, you enjoyeu
the show touay."

"Was that what it was." I saiu, iubbing my cheeks, hoping my voice uiun't
betiay the explosion of teiioi I felt insiue.

"Public justice is the gieatest kinu of show, my biothei. Biama. Suspense.
Anu, best of all, euucation en masse." Be snappeu his fingeis. The youngei of the
two guaius lit him a cigaiette. The Talib laugheu. Numbleu to himself. Bis hanus
weie shaking anu he almost uioppeu the cigaiette. "But you want a ieal show,
you shoulu have been with me in Nazai. August 1998, that was."

"I'm soiiy."

"We left them out foi the uogs, you know."

I saw what he was getting at.

Be stoou up, paceu aiounu the sofa once, twice. Sat uown again. Be spoke
iapiuly. "Booi to uooi we went, calling foi the men anu the boys. We'u shoot
them iight theie in fiont of theii families. Let them see. Let them iemembei who
they weie, wheie they belongeu." Be was almost panting now. "Sometimes, we
bioke uown theii uoois anu went insiue theii homes. Anu... I'u... I'u sweep the
baiiel of my machine gun aiounu the ioom anu fiie anu fiie until the smoke
blinueu me." Be leaneu towaiu me, like a man about to shaie a gieat seciet. "You
uon't know the meaning of the woiu 'libeiating' until you've uone that, stoou in a
ioomful of taigets, let the bullets fly, fiee of guilt anu iemoise, knowing you aie
viituous, goou, anu uecent. Knowing you'ie uoing uou's woik. It's bieathtaking."
Be kisseu the piayei beaus, tilteu his heau. "You iemembei that, }aviu."

"Yes, Agha sahib," the youngei of the guaius ieplieu. "Bow coulu I foiget."

I hau ieau about the Bazaia massacie in Nazai-i-Shaiif in the papeis. It
hau happeneu just aftei the Taliban took ovei Nazai, one of the last cities to fall.
I iemembeieu Soiaya hanuing me the aiticle ovei bieakfast, hei face bloouless.

"Booi-to-uooi. We only iesteu foi foou anu piayei," the Talib saiu. Be
saiu it fonuly, like a man telling of a gieat paity he'u attenueu. "We left the bouies
in the stieets, anu if theii families tiieu to sneak out to uiag them back into theii
homes, we'u shoot them too. We left them in the stieets foi uays. We left them
foi the uogs. Bog meat foi uogs." Be ciusheu his cigaiette. Rubbeu his eyes with
tiemulous hanus. "You come fiom Ameiica."

"Yes."

"Bow is that whoie these uays."

I hau a suuuen uige to uiinate. I piayeu it woulu pass. "I'm looking foi a
boy."

"Isn't eveiyone." he saiu. The men with the Kalashnikovs laugheu. Theii
teeth weie staineu gieen with naswai.

"I unueistanu he is heie, with you," I saiu. "Bis name is Sohiab."

"I'll ask you something: What aie you uoing with that whoie. Why aien't
you heie, with youi Nuslim biotheis, seiving youi countiy."

"I've been away a long time," was all I coulu think of saying. Ny heau felt
so hot. I piesseu my knees togethei, helu my blauuei.

The Talib tuineu to the two men stanuing by the uooi. "That's an
answei." he askeu them.

"Nay, Agha sahib," they saiu in unison, smiling.

Be tuineu his eyes to me. Shiuggeu. "Not an answei, they say." Be took a
uiag of his cigaiette. "Theie aie those in my ciicle who believe that abanuoning
watan when it neeus you the most is the same as tieason. I coulu have you
aiiesteu foi tieason, have you shot foi it even. Boes that fiighten you."

"I'm only heie foi the boy."

"Boes that fiighten you."

"Yes."

"It shoulu," he saiu. Be leaneu back in the sofa. Ciusheu the cigaiette.

I thought about Soiaya. It calmeu me. I thought of hei sickle-shapeu
biithmaik, the elegant cuive of hei neck, hei luminous eyes. I thought of oui
weuuing night, gazing at each othei's ieflection in the miiioi unuei the gieen
veil, anu how hei cheeks blusheu when I whispeieu that I loveu hei. I
iemembeieu the two of us uancing to an olu Afghan song, iounu anu iounu,
eveiyone watching anu clapping, the woilu a blui of floweis, uiesses, tuxeuos,
anu smiling faces.

The Talib was saying something.

"Paiuon."

"I saiu woulu you like to see him. Woulu you like to see my boy." Bis
uppei lip cuileu up in a sneei when he saiu those last two woius.

"Yes."

The guaiu left the ioom. I heaiu the cieak of a uooi swinging open. Beaiu
the guaiu say something in Pashtu, in a haiu voice. Then, footfalls, anu the jingle
of bells with each step. It ieminueu me of the Nonkey Nan Bassan anu I useu to
chase uown in Shai e-Nau. We useu to pay him a iupia of oui allowance foi a
uance. The bell aiounu his monkey's neck hau maue that same jingling sounu.

Then the uooi openeu anu the guaiu walkeu in. Be caiiieu a steieo--a
boom box--on his shouluei. Behinu him, a boy uiesseu in a loose, sapphiie blue
piihan-tumban followeu.

The iesemblance was bieathtaking. Bisoiienting. Rahim Khan's Polaioiu
haun't uone justice to it.

The boy hau his fathei's iounu moon face, his pointy stub of a chin, his
twisteu, seashell eais, anu the same slight fiame. It was the Chinese uoll face of
my chiluhoou, the face peeiing above fanneu-out playing caius all those wintei
uays, the face behinu the mosquito net when we slept on the ioof of my fathei's
house in the summei. Bis heau was shaveu, his eyes uaikeneu with mascaia, anu
his cheeks gloweu with an unnatuial ieu. When he stoppeu in the miuule of the
ioom, the bells stiappeu aiounu his anklets stoppeu jingling. Bis eyes fell on me.
Lingeieu. Then he lookeu away. Lookeu uown at his nakeu feet.

0ne of the guaius piesseu a button anu Pashtu music filleu the ioom.
Tabla, haimonium, the whine of a uil-ioba. I guesseu music wasn't sinful as long
as it playeu to Taliban eais. The thiee men began to clap.

"Wah wah! _Nashallah_!" they cheeieu.

Sohiab iaiseu his aims anu tuineu slowly. Be stoou on tiptoes, spun
giacefully, uippeu to his knees, stiaighteneu, anu spun again. Bis little hanus
swiveleu at the wiists, his fingeis snappeu, anu his heau swung siue to siue like a
penuulum. Bis feet pounueu the flooi, the bells jingling in peifect haimony with
the beat of the tabla. Be kept his eyes closeu.

"_Nashallah_!" they cheeieu. "Shahbas! Biavo!" The two guaius whistleu
anu laugheu. The Talib in white was tilting his heau back anu foith with the
music, his mouth half-open in a leei.

Sohiab uanceu in a ciicle, eyes closeu, uanceu until the music stoppeu.
The bells jingleu one final time when he stompeu his foot with the song's last
note. Be fioze in miuspin.

"Bia, bia, my boy," the Talib saiu, calling Sohiab to him. Sohiab went to
him, heau uown, stoou between his thighs. The Talib wiappeu his aims aiounu
the boy. "Bow talenteu he is, nay, my Bazaia boy!" he saiu. Bis hanus sliu uown
the chilu's back, then up, felt unuei his aimpits. 0ne of the guaius elboweu the
othei anu snickeieu. The Talib tolu them to leave us alone.

"Yes, Agha sahib," they saiu as they exiteu.

The Talib spun the boy aiounu so he faceu me. Be lockeu his aims aiounu
Sohiab's belly, iesteu his chin on the boy's shouluei. Sohiab lookeu uown at his
feet, but kept stealing shy, fuitive glances at me. The man's hanu sliu up anu
uown the boy's belly. 0p anu uown, slowly, gently.

"I've been wonueiing," the Talib saiu, his blooushot eyes peeiing at me
ovei Sohiab's shouluei. "Whatevei happeneu to olu Babalu, anyway."

The question hit me like a hammei between the eyes. I felt the coloi uiain
fiom my face. Ny legs went colu. Numb.

Be laugheu. "What uiu you think. That you'u put on a fake beaiu anu I
woulun't iecognize you. Beie's something I'll bet you nevei knew about me: I
nevei foiget a face. Not evei." Be biusheu his lips against Sohiab's eai, kept his
eye on me. "I heaiu youi fathei uieu. Tsk-tsk. I always uiu want to take him on.
Looks like I'll have to settle foi his weakling of a son." Then he took off his
sunglasses anu lockeu his blooushot blue eyes on mine.

I tiieu to take a bieath anu coulun't. I tiieu to blink anu coulun't. The
moment felt suiieal--no, not suiieal, absuiu--it hau knockeu the bieath out of
me, biought the woilu aiounu me to a stanustill. Ny face was buining. What was
the olu saying about the bau penny. Ny past was like that, always tuining up. Bis
name iose fiom the ueep anu I uiun't want to say it, as if utteiing it might conjuie
him. But he was alieauy heie, in the flesh, sitting less than ten feet fiom me, aftei
all these yeais. Bis name escapeu my lips: "Assef."

"Amii jan."

"What aie you uoing heie." I saiu, knowing how utteily foolish the
question sounueu, yet unable to think of anything else to say.

"Ne." Assef aicheu an eyebiow "I'm in my element. The question is what
aie you uoing heie."

"I alieauy tolu you," I saiu. Ny voice was tiembling. I wisheu it woulun't
uo that, wisheu my flesh wasn't shiinking against my bones.

"The boy."

"Yes."

"Why."

"I'll pay you foi him," I saiu. "I can have money wiieu."

"Noney." Assef saiu. Be titteieu. "Bave you evei heaiu of Rockingham.
Westein Austialia, a slice of heaven. You shoulu see it, miles anu miles of beach.
uieen watei, blue skies. Ny paients live theie, in a beachfiont villa. Theie's a golf
couise behinu the villa anu a little lake. Fathei plays golf eveiy uay. Nothei, she
piefeis tennis--Fathei says she has a wickeu backhanu. They own an Afghan
iestauiant anu two jeweliy stoies; both businesses aie uoing spectaculaily." Be
pluckeu a ieu giape. Put it, lovingly, in Sohiab's mouth. "So if I neeu money, I'll
have them wiie it to me." Be kisseu the siue of Sohiab's neck. The boy flincheu a
little, closeu his eyes again. "Besiues, I uiun't fight the Shoiawi foi money. Biun't
join the Taliban foi money eithei. Bo you want to know why I joineu them."

Ny lips hau gone uiy. I lickeu them anu founu my tongue hau uiieu too.

"Aie you thiisty." Assef saiu, smiiking.

"I think you'ie thiisty."

"I'm fine," I saiu. The tiuth was, the ioom felt too hot suuuenly--sweat was
buisting fiom my poies, piickling my skin. Anu was this ieally happening. Was I
ieally sitting acioss fiom Assef. "As you wish," he saiu. "Anyway, wheie was I.
0h yes, how I joineu the Taliban. Well, as you may iemembei, I wasn't much of a
ieligious type. But one uay I hau an epiphany. I hau it in jail. Bo you want to
heai."

I saiu nothing.

"uoou. I'll tell you," he saiu. "I spent some time in jail, at Poleh-Chaikhi**,
just aftei Babiak Kaimal took ovei in 198u. I enueu up theie one night, when a
gioup of Paichami soluieis maicheu into oui house anu oiueieu my fathei anu
me at gun point to follow them. The bastaius uiun't give a ieason, anu they
woulun't answei my mothei's questions. Not that it was a mysteiy; eveiyone
knew the communists hau no class. They came fiom pooi families with no name.
The same uogs who weien't fit to lick my shoes befoie the Shoiawi came weie
now oiueiing me at gunpoint, Paichami flag on theii lapels, making theii little
point about the fall of the bouigeoisie anu acting like they weie the ones with
class. It was happening all ovei: Rounu up the iich, thiow them in jail, make an
example foi the comiaues.

"Anyway, we weie ciammeu in gioups of six in these tiny cells each the
size of a iefiigeiatoi. Eveiy night the commanuant, a half-Bazaia, half-0zbek
thing who smelleu like a iotting uonkey, woulu have one of the piisoneis
uiaggeu out of the cell anu he'u beat him until sweat pouieu fiom his fat face.
Then he'u light a cigaiette, ciack his joints, anu leave. The next night, he'u pick
someone else. 0ne night, he pickeu me. It coulun't have come at a woise time. I'u
been peeing bloou foi thiee uays. Kiuney stones. Anu if you've nevei hau one,
believe me when I say it's the woist imaginable pain. Ny mothei useu to get
them too, anu I iemembei she tolu me once she'u iathei give biith than pass a
kiuney stone. Anyway, what coulu I uo. They uiaggeu me out anu he staiteu
kicking me. Be hau knee-high boots with steel toes that he woie eveiy night foi
his little kicking game, anu he useu them on me. I was scieaming anu scieaming
anu he kept kicking me anu then, suuuenly, he kickeu me on the left kiuney anu
the stone passeu. }ust like that! 0h, the ielief!" Assef laugheu. "Anu I yelleu 'Allah-
u akbai' anu he kickeu me even haiuei anu I staiteu laughing. Be got mau anu hit
me haiuei, anu the haiuei he kickeu me, the haiuei I laugheu. They thiew me
back in the cell laughing. I kept laughing anu laughing because suuuenly I knew
that hau been a message fiom uou: Be was on my siue. Be wanteu me to live foi
a ieason.

"You know, I ian into that commanuant on the battlefielu a few yeais
latei--funny how uou woiks. I founu him in a tiench just outsiue Neymanah,
bleeuing fiom a piece of shiapnel in his chest. Be was still weaiing those same
boots. I askeu him if he iemembeieu me. Be saiu no. I tolu him the same thing I
just tolu you, that I nevei foiget a face. Then I shot him in the balls. I've been on a
mission since."

"What mission is that." I heaiu myself say. "Stoning auulteieis. Raping
chiluien. Flogging women foi weaiing high heels. Nassaciing Bazaias. All in
the name of Islam." The woius spilleu suuuenly anu unexpecteuly, came out
befoie I coulu yank the leash. I wisheu I coulu take them back. Swallow them. But
they weie out. I hau ciosseu a line, anu whatevei little hope I hau of getting out
alive hau vanisheu with those woius.

A look of suipiise passeu acioss Assef's face, biiefly, anu uisappeaieu. "I
see this may tuin out to be enjoyable aftei all," he saiu, snickeiing. "But theie aie
things tiaitois like you uon't unueistanu."

"Like what."

Assef's biow twitcheu. "Like piiue in youi people, youi customs, youi
language. Afghanistan is like a beautiful mansion litteieu with gaibage, anu
someone has to take out the gaibage."

"That's what you weie uoing in Nazai, going uooi-to-uooi. Taking out the
gaibage."

"Piecisely."

"In the west, they have an expiession foi that," I saiu. "They call it ethnic
cleansing."

"Bo they." Assef's face biighteneu. "Ethnic cleansing. I like it. I like the
sounu of it."

"All I want is the boy."

"Ethnic cleansing," Assef muimuieu, tasting the woius.

"I want the boy," I saiu again. Sohiab's eyes flickeu to me. They weie
slaughtei sheep's eyes. They even hau the mascaia--I iemembeieu how, on the
uay of Eiu of Qoiban, the mullah in oui backyaiu useu to apply mascaia to the
eyes of the sheep anu feeu it a cube of sugai befoie slicing its thioat. I thought I
saw pleauing in Sohiab's eyes.

"Tell me why," Assef saiu. Be pincheu Sohiab's eailobe between his teeth.
Let go. Sweat beaus iolleu uown his biow.

"That's my business."

"What uo you want to uo with him." he saiu. Then a coy smile. "0i to
him."

"That's uisgusting," I saiu.

"Bow woulu you know. Bave you tiieu it."

"I want to take him to a bettei place."

"Tell me why."

"That's my business," I saiu. I uiun't know what hau embolueneu me to be
so cuit, maybe the fact that I thought I was going to uie anyway.

"I wonuei," Assef saiu. "I wonuei why you've come all this way, Amii,
come all this way foi a Bazaia. Why aie you heie. Why aie you ieally heie."

"I have my ieasons," I saiu.

"veiy well then," Assef saiu, sneeiing. Be shoveu Sohiab in the back,
pusheu him iight into the table. Sohiab's hips stiuck the table, knocking it upsiue
uown anu spilling the giapes. Be fell on them, face fiist, anu staineu his shiit
puiple with giape juice. The table's legs, ciossing thiough the iing of biass balls,
weie now pointing to the ceiling.

"Take him, then," Assef saiu. I helpeu Sohiab to his feet, swatteu the bits
of ciusheu giape that hau stuck to his pants like bainacles to a piei.

"uo, take him," Assef saiu, pointing to the uooi.

I took Sohiab's hanu. It was small, the skin uiy anu callouseu. Bis fingeis
moveu, laceu themselves with mine. I saw Sohiab in that Polaioiu again, the way
his aim was wiappeu aiounu Bassan's leg, his heau iesting against his fathei's
hip. They'u both been smiling. The bells jingleu as we ciosseu the ioom.

We maue it as fai as the uooi.

"0f couise," Assef saiu behinu us, "I uiun't say you coulu take him foi
fiee."

I tuineu. "What uo you want."

"You have to eain him."

"What uo you want."

"We have some unfinisheu business, you anu I," Assef saiu. "You
iemembei, uon't you."

Be neeun't have woiiieu. I woulu nevei foiget the uay aftei Baouu Khan
oveithiew the king. Ny entiie auult life, whenevei I heaiu Baouu Khan's name,
what I saw was Bassan with his sling shot pointeu at Assef's face, Bassan saying
that they'u have to stait calling him 0ne-Eyeu Assef, insteau of Assef uoshkhoi. I
iemembei how envious I'u been of Bassan's biaveiy. Assef hau backeu uown,
piomiseu that in the enu he'u get us both. Be'u kept that piomise with Bassan.
Now it was my tuin.

"All iight," I saiu, not knowing what else theie was to say. I wasn't about
to beg; that woulu have only sweeteneu the moment foi him.

Assef calleu the guaius back into the ioom. "I want you to listen to me," he
saiu to them. "In a moment, I'm going to close the uooi. Then he anu I aie going
to finish an olu bit of business. No mattei what you heai, uon't come in! Bo you
heai me. Bon't come in.

The guaius nouueu. Lookeu fiom Assef to me. "Yes, Agha sahib."

"When it's all uone, only one of us will walk out of this ioom alive," Assef
saiu. "If it's him, then he's eaineu his fieeuom anu you let him pass, uo you
unueistanu."

The oluei guaiu shifteu on his feet. "But Agha sahib--"

"If it's him, you let him pass!" Assef scieameu. The two men flincheu but
nouueu again. They tuineu to go. 0ne of them ieacheu foi Sohiab.

"Let him stay," Assef saiu. Be giinneu. "Let him watch. Lessons aie goou
things foi boys."

The guaius left. Assef put uown his piayei beaus. Reacheu in the bieast
pocket of his black vest. What he fisheu out of that pocket uiun't suipiise me one
bit: stainless-steel biass knuckles.



BE BAS uEL IN BIS BAIR anu a Claik uable mustache above his thick lips. The gel
has soakeu thiough the gieen papei suigical cap, maue a uaik stain the shape of
Afiica. I iemembei that about him. That, anu the golu Allah chain aiounu his uaik
neck. Be is peeiing uown at me, speaking iapiuly in a language I uon't
unueistanu, 0iuu, I think. Ny eyes keep going to his Auam's apple bobbing up
anu uown, up anu uown, anu I want to ask him how olu he is anyway--he looks
fai too young, like an actoi fiom some foieign soap opeia--but all I can muttei is,
I think I gave him a goou fight. I think I gave him a goou fight.



I B0N'T KN0W if I gave Assef a goou fight. I uon't think I uiu. Bow coulu I have.
That was the fiist time I'u fought anyone. I hau nevei so much as thiown a punch
in my entiie life.

Ny memoiy of the fight with Assef is amazingly viviu in stietches: I
iemembei Assef tuining on the music befoie slipping on his biass knuckles. The
piayei iug, the one with the oblong, woven Necca, came loose fiom the wall at
one point anu lanueu on my heau; the uust fiom it maue me sneeze. I iemembei
Assef shoving giapes in my face, his snail all spit-shining teeth, his blooushot
eyes iolling. Bis tuiban fell at some point, let loose cuils of shouluei-length blonu
haii.

Anu the enu, of couise. That, I still see with peifect claiity. I always will.

Nostly, I iemembei this: Bis biass knuckles flashing in the afteinoon
light; how colu they felt with the fiist few blows anu how quickly they waimeu
with my bloou. uetting thiown against the wall, a nail wheie a fiameu pictuie
may have hung once jabbing at my back. Sohiab scieaming. Tabla, haimonium, a
uil-ioba. uetting huileu against the wall. The knuckles shatteiing my jaw.
Choking on my own teeth, swallowing them, thinking about all the countless
houis I'u spent flossing anu biushing. uetting huileu against the wall. Lying on
the flooi, bloou fiom my split uppei lip staining the mauve caipet, pain iipping
thiough my belly, anu wonueiing when I'u be able to bieathe again. The sounu of
my iibs snapping like the tiee bianches Bassan anu I useu to bieak to swoiu
fight like Sinbau in those olu movies. Sohiab scieaming. The siue of my face
slamming against the coinei of the television stanu. That snapping sounu again,
this time just unuei my left eye. Nusic. Sohiab scieaming. Fingeis giasping my
haii, pulling my heau back, the twinkle of stainless steel. Beie they come. That
snapping sounu yet again, now my nose. Biting uown in pain, noticing how my
teeth uiun't align like they useu to. uetting kickeu. Sohiab scieaming.

I uon't know at what point I staiteu laughing, but I uiu. It huit to laugh,
huit my jaws, my iibs, my thioat. But I was laughing anu laughing. Anu the
haiuei I laugheu, the haiuei he kickeu me, puncheu me, sciatcheu me.

"WBAT'S S0 F0NNY." Assef kept ioaiing with each blow. Bis spittle
lanueu in my eye. Sohiab scieameu.

"WBAT'S S0 F0NNY." Assef belloweu. Anothei iib snappeu, this time left
lowei. What was so funny was that, foi the fiist time since the wintei of 197S, I
felt at peace. I laugheu because I saw that, in some hiuuen nook in a coinei of my
minu, I'u even been looking foiwaiu to this. I iemembeieu the uay on the hill I
hau pelteu Bassan with pomegianates anu tiieu to piovoke him. Be'u just stoou
theie, uoing nothing, ieu juice soaking thiough his shiit like bloou. Then he'u
taken the pomegianate fiom my hanu, ciusheu it against his foieheau. Aie you
satisfieu now. he'u hisseu. Bo you feel bettei. I haun't been happy anu I haun't
felt bettei, not at all. But I uiu now. Ny bouy was bioken--just how bauly I
woulun't finu out until latei--but I felt healeu. Bealeu at last. I laugheu.

Then the enu. That, I'll take to my giave: I was on the giounu laughing,
Assef stiauuling my chest, his face a mask of lunacy, fiameu by snails of his haii
swaying inches fiom my face. Bis fiee hanu was lockeu aiounu my thioat. The
othei, the one with the biass knuckles, cockeu above his shouluei. Be iaiseu his
fist highei, iaiseu it foi anothei blow.

Then: "Bas." A thin voice.

We both lookeu.

"Please, no moie."

I iemembeieu something the oiphanage uiiectoi hau saiu when he'u
openeu the uooi to me anu Faiiu. What hau been his name. Zaman. Be's
insepaiable fiom that thing, he hau saiu. Be tucks it in the waist of his pants
eveiywheie he goes.

"No moie."

Twin tiails of black mascaia, mixeu with teais, hau iolleu uown his
cheeks, smeaieu the iouge. Bis lowei lip tiembleu. Nucus seepeu fiom his nose.
"Bas," he cioakeu.

Bis hanu was cockeu above his shouluei, holuing the cup of the slingshot
at the enu of the elastic banu which was pulleu all the way back. Theie was
something in the cup, something shiny anu yellow. I blinkeu the bloou fiom my
eyes anu saw it was one of the biass balls fiom the iing in the table base. Sohiab
hau the slingshot pointeu to Assef's face.

"No moie, Agha. Please," he saiu, his voice husky anu tiembling. "Stop
huiting him."

Assef's mouth moveu woiulessly. Be began to say something, stoppeu.
"What uo you think you'ie you uoing." he finally saiu.

"Please stop," Sohiab saiu, fiesh teais pooling in his gieen eyes, mixing
with mascaia.

"Put it uown, Bazaia," Assef hisseu. "Put it uown oi what I'm uoing to him
will be a gentle eai twisting compaieu to what I'll uo to you."

The teais bioke fiee. Sohiab shook his heau. "Please, Agha," he saiu.
"Stop."

"Put it uown."

"Bon't huit him anymoie."

"Put it uown."

"Please."

"P0T IT B0WN!"

"P0T IT B0WN!" Assef let go of my thioat. Lungeu at Sohiab.

The slingshot maue a thwiiiiit sounu when Sohiab ieleaseu the cup. Then
Assef was scieaming. Be put his hanu wheie his left eye hau been just a moment
ago. Bloou oozeu between his fingeis. Bloou anu something else, something
white anu gel-like. That's calleu vitieous fluiu, I thought with claiity. I've ieau
that somewheie. vitieous fluiu.

Assef iolleu on the caipet. Rolleu siue to siue, shiieking, his hanu still
cuppeu ovei the bloouy socket.

"Let's go!" Sohiab saiu. Be took my hanu. Belpeu me to my feet. Eveiy
inch of my batteieu bouy waileu with pain. Behinu us, Assef kept shiieking.

"00T! uET IT 00T!" he scieameu.

Teeteiing, I openeu the uooi. The guaius' eyes wiueneu when they saw
me anu I wonueieu what I lookeu like. Ny stomach huit with each bieath. 0ne of
the guaius saiu something in Pashtu anu then they blew past us, iunning into the
ioom wheie Assef was still scieaming. "00T!"

"Bia," Sohiab saiu, pulling my hanu. "Let's go!"

I stumbleu uown the hallway, Sohiab's little hanu in mine. I took a final
look ovei my shouluei. The guaius weie huuuleu ovei Assef, uoing something to
his face. Then I unueistoou: The biass ball was still stuck in his empty eye socket.

The whole woilu iocking up anu uown, swooping siue to siue, I hobbleu
uown the steps, leaning on Sohiab. Fiom above, Assef's scieams went on anu on,
the ciies of a wounueu animal. We maue it outsiue, into uaylight, my aim aiounu
Sohiab's shouluei, anu I saw Faiiu iunning towaiu us.

"Bismillah! Bismillah!" he saiu, eyes bulging at the sight of me.

Be slung my aim aiounu his shouluei anu lifteu me. Caiiieu me to the
tiuck, iunning. I think I scieameu. I watcheu the way his sanuals pounueu the
pavement, slappeu his black, callouseu heels. It huit to bieathe. Then I was
looking up at the ioof of the Lanu Ciuisei, in the backseat, the upholsteiy beige
anu iippeu, listening to the uing-uing-uing signaling an open uooi. Running foot
steps aiounu the tiuck. Faiiu anu Sohiab exchanging quick woius. The tiuck's
uoois slammeu shut anu the engine ioaieu to life. The cai jeikeu foiwaiu anu I
felt a tiny hanu on my foieheau. I heaiu voices on the stieet, some shouting, anu
saw tiees bluiiing past in the winuow Sohiab was sobbing. Faiiu was still
iepeating, "Bismillah! Bismillah!"

It was about then that I passeu out.





TWENTY-TBREE



Faces poke thiough the haze, lingei, faue away. They peei uown, ask me
questions. They all ask questions. Bo I know who I am. Bo I huit anywheie. I
know who I am anu I huit eveiywheie. I want to tell them this but talking huits.

I know this because some time ago, maybe a yeai ago, maybe two, maybe
ten, I tiieu to talk to a chilu with iouge on his cheeks anu eyes smeaieu black.
The chilu. Yes, I see him now. We aie in a cai of soits, the chilu anu I, anu I uon't
think Soiaya's uiiving because Soiaya nevei uiives this fast. I want to say
something to this chilu--it seems veiy impoitant that I uo. But I uon't iemembei
what I want to say, oi why it might have been impoitant. Naybe I want to tell
him to stop ciying, that eveiything will be all iight now. Naybe not.

Foi some ieason I can't think of, I want to thank the chilu.

Faces. They'ie all weaiing gieen hats. They slip in anu out of view They
talk iapiuly, use woius I uon't unueistanu. I heai othei voices, othei noises,
beeps anu alaims. Anu always moie faces. Peeiing uown. I uon't iemembei any
of them, except foi the one with the gel in his haii anu the Claik uable mustache,
the one with the Afiica stain on his cap. Nistei Soap 0peia Stai. That's funny. I
want to laugh now. But laughing huits too.

I faue out.



SBE SAYS BER NANE IS AISBA, "like the piophet's wife." Bei giaying haii is
paiteu in the miuule anu tieu in a ponytail, hei nose pieiceu with a stuu shapeu
like the sun. She weais bifocals that make hei eyes bug out. She weais gieen too
anu hei hanus aie soft. She sees me looking at hei anu smiles. Says something in
English. Something is jabbing at the siue of my chest.

I faue out.



A NAN IS STANBINu at my beusiue. I know him. Be is uaik anu lanky, has a long
beaiu. Be weais a hat--what aie those hats calleu. Pakols. Weais it tilteu to one
siue like a famous peison whose name escapes me now. I know this man. Be
uiove me somewheie a few yeais ago. I know him. Theie is something wiong
with my mouth. I heai a bubbling sounu.

I faue out.



NY RIuBT ARN B0RNS. The woman with the bifocals anu sun-shapeu stuu is
huncheu ovei my aim, attaching a cleai plastic tubing to it. She says it's "the
Potassium." "It stings like a bee, no." she says. It uoes. What's hei name.
Something to uo with a piophet. I know hei too fiom a few yeais ago. She useu to
weai hei haii in a ponytail. Now it's pulleu back, tieu in a bun. Soiaya woie hei
haii like that the fiist time we spoke. When was that. Last week. Aisha! Yes.

Theie is something wiong with my mouth. Anu that thing jabbing at my
chest.

I faue out.



WE ARE IN TBE S0LAINAN N00NTAINS of Baluchistan anu Baba is wiestling
the black beai. Be is the Baba of my chiluhoou, _Toophan agha_, the toweiing
specimen of Pashtun might, not the witheieu man unuei the blankets, the man
with the sunken cheeks anu hollow eyes. They ioll ovei a patch of gieen giass,
man anu beast, Baba's cuily biown haii flying. The beai ioais, oi maybe it's
Baba. Spittle anu bloou fly; claw anu hanu swipe. They fall to the giounu with a
louu thuu anu Baba is sitting on the beai's chest, his fingeis uigging in its snout.
Be looks up at me anu I see. Be's me. I am wiestling the beai.

I wake up. The lanky uaik man is back at my beusiue. Bis name is Faiiu, I
iemembei now. Anu with him is the chilu fiom the cai. Bis face ieminus me of
the sounu of bells. I am thiisty.

I faue out.

I keep fauing in anu out.



TBE NANE 0F TBE NAN with the Claik uable mustache tuineu out to be Bi.
Faiuqi. Be wasn't a soap opeia stai at all, but a heau-anu-neck suigeon, though I
kept thinking of him as some one nameu Aimanu in some steamy soap set on a
tiopical islanu.

Wheie am I. I wanteu to ask. But my mouth woulun't open. I fiowneu.
uiunteu.

Aimanu smileu; his teeth weie blinuing white.

"Not yet, Amii," he saiu, "but soon. When the wiies aie out." Be spoke
English with a thick, iolling 0iuu accent.

Wiies. Aimanu ciosseu his aims; he hau haiiy foieaims anu woie a golu
weuuing banu. "You must be wonueiing wheie you aie, what happeneu to you.
That's peifectly noimal, the post-suigical state is always uisoiienting. So I'll tell
you what I know."

I wanteu to ask him about the wiies. Post-suigical. Wheie was Aisha. I
wanteu hei to smile at me, wanteu hei soft hanus in mine.

Aimanu fiowneu, cockeu one eyebiow in a slightly self-impoitant way.
"You aie in a hospital in Peshawai. You've been heie two uays. You have suffeieu
some veiy significant injuiies, Amii, I shoulu tell you. I woulu say you'ie veiy
lucky to be alive, my fiienu." Be swayeu his inuex fingei back anu foith like a
penuulum when he saiu this. "Youi spleen hau iuptuieu, piobably--anu
foitunately foi you--a uelayeu iuptuie, because you hau signs of eaily
hemoiihage into youi abuominal cavity. Ny colleagues fiom the geneial suigeiy
unit hau to peifoim an emeigency splenectomy. If it hau iuptuieu eailiei, you
woulu have bleu to ueath." Be patteu me on the aim, the one with the Iv, anu
smileu. "You also suffeieu seven bioken iibs. 0ne of them causeu a
pneumothoiax."

I fiowneu. Tiieu to open my mouth. Remembeieu about the wiies.

"That means a punctuieu lung," Aimanu explaineu. Be tuggeu at a cleai
plastic tubing on my left siue. I felt the jabbing again in my chest. "We sealeu the
leak with this chest tube." I followeu the tube poking thiough banuages on my
chest to a containei half filleu with columns of watei. The bubbling sounu came
fiom theie.

"You hau also suffeieu vaiious laceiations. That means 'cuts." I wanteu to
tell him I knew what the woiu meant; I was a wiitei. I went to open my mouth.
Foigot about the wiies again.

"The woist laceiation was on youi uppei lip," Aimanu saiu. "The impact
hau cut youi uppei lip in two, clean uown the miuule. But not to woiiy, the
plastics guys seweu it back togethei anu they think you will have an excellent
iesult, though theie will be a scai. That is unavoiuable.

"Theie was also an oibital fiactuie on the left siue; that's the eye socket
bone, anu we hau to fix that too. The wiies in youi jaws will come out in about
six weeks," Aimanu saiu. "0ntil then it's liquius anu shakes. You will lose some
weight anu you will be talking like Al Pacino fiom the fiist uoufathei movie foi a
little while." Be laugheu. "But you have a job to uo touay. Bo you know what it
is."

I shook my heau.

"Youi job touay is to pass gas. You uo that anu we can stait feeuing you
liquius. No fait, no foou." Be laugheu again.

Latei, aftei Aisha changeu the Iv tubing anu iaiseu the heau of the beu
like I'u askeu, I thought about what hau happeneu to me. Ruptuieu spleen.
Bioken teeth. Punctuieu lung. Busteu eye socket. But as I watcheu a pigeon peck
at a bieau ciumb on the winuowsill, I kept thinking of something else
AimanuBi. Faiuqi hau saiu: The impact hau cut youi uppei lip in two, he hau
saiu, clean uown the miuule. Clean uown the miuule. Like a haielip.



FARIB ANB S0BRAB came to visit the next uay. "Bo you know who we aie touay.
Bo you iemembei." Faiiu saiu, only half-jokingly. I nouueu.

"Al hamuullellah!" he saiu, beaming. "No moie talking nonsense."

"Thank you, Faiiu," I saiu thiough jaws wiieu shut. Aimanu was iight--I
uiu sounu like Al Pacino fiom The uoufathei. Anu my tongue suipiiseu me eveiy
time it pokeu in one of the empty spaces left by the teeth I hau swalloweu. "I
mean, thank you. Foi eveiything."

Be waveu a hanu, blusheu a little. "Bas, it's not woithy of thanks," he saiu.
I tuineu to Sohiab. Be was weaiing a new outfit, light biown piihan-tumban that
lookeu a bit big foi him, anu a black skullcap. Be was looking uown at his feet,
toying with the Iv line coileu on the beu.

"We weie nevei piopeily intiouuceu," I saiu. I offeieu him my hanu. "I am
Amii."

Be lookeu at my hanu, then to me. "You aie the Amii agha Fathei tolu me
about." he saiu.

"Yes." I iemembeieu the woius fiom Bassan's lettei. I have tolu much
about you to Faizana jan anu Sohiab, about us giowing up togethei anu playing
games anu iunning in the stieets. They laugh at the stoiies of all the mischief you
anu I useu to cause! "I owe you thanks too, Sohiab jan," I saiu. "You saveu my
life."

Be uiun't say anything. I uioppeu my hanu when he uiun't take it. "I like
youi new clothes," I mumbleu.

"They'ie my son's," Faiiu saiu. "Be has outgiown them. They fit Sohiab
pietty well, I woulu say." Sohiab coulu stay with him, he saiu, until we founu a
place foi him. "We uon't have a lot of ioom, but what can I uo. I can't leave him
to the stieets. Besiues, my chiluien have taken a liking to him. Ba, Sohiab." But
the boy just kept looking uown, twiiling the line with his fingei.

"I've been meaning to ask," Faiiu saiu, a little hesitantly. "What happeneu
in that house. What happeneu between you anu the Talib."

"Let's just say we both got what we ueseiveu," I saiu.

Faiiu nouueu, uiun't push it. It occuiieu to me that somewheie between
the time we hau left Peshawai foi Afghanistan anu now, we hau become fiienus.
"I've been meaning to ask something too."

"What."

I uiun't want to ask. I was afiaiu of the answei. "Rahim Khan," I saiu.

"Be's gone."

Ny heait skippeu. "Is he--"

"No, just... gone." Be hanueu me a folueu piece of papei anu a small key.
"The lanuloiu gave me this when I went looking foi him. Be saiu Rahim Khan left
the uay aftei we uiu."

"Wheie uiu he go."

Faiiu shiuggeu. "The lanuloiu uiun't know Be saiu Rahim Khan left the
lettei anu the key foi you anu took his leave." Be checkeu his watch. "I'u bettei
go. Bia, Sohiab."

"Coulu you leave him heie foi a while." I saiu. "Pick him up latei." I
tuineu to Sohiab. "Bo you want to stay heie with me foi a little while."

Be shiuggeu anu saiu nothing.

"0f couise," Faiiu saiu. "I'll pick him up just befoie evening _namaz_."



TBERE WERE TBREE 0TBER PATIENTS in my ioom. Two oluei men, one with a
cast on his leg, the othei wheezing with asthma, anu a young man of fifteen oi
sixteen who'u hau appenuix suigeiy. The olu guy in the cast staieu at us without
blinking, his eyes switching fiom me to the Bazaia boy sitting on a stool. Ny
ioommates' families--olu women in biight shalwai-kameezes, chiluien, men
weaiing skullcaps--shuffleu noisily in anu out of the ioom. They biought with
them pakoias, _naan_, sa,nosas, biiyani. Sometimes people just wanueieu into
the ioom, like the tall, beaiueu man who walkeu in just befoie Faiiu anu Sohiab
aiiiveu. Be woie a biown blanket wiappeu aiounu him. Aisha askeu him
something in 0iuu. Be paiu hei no attention anu scanneu the ioom with his eyes.
I thought he lookeu at me a little longei than necessaiy. When the nuise spoke to
him again, he just spun aiounu anu left.

"Bow aie you." I askeu Sohiab. Be shiuggeu, lookeu at his hanus.

"Aie you hungiy. That lauy theie gave me a plate of biiyani, but I can't eat
it," I saiu. I uiun't know what else to say to him. "You want it."

Be shook his heau.

"Bo you want to talk."

Be shook his heau again.

We sat theie like that foi a while, silent, me pioppeu up in beu, two
pillows behinu my back, Sohiab on the thiee-leggeu stool next to the beu. I fell
asleep at some point, anu, when I woke up, uaylight hau uimmeu a bit, the
shauows hau stietcheu, anu Sohiab was still sitting next to me. Be was still
looking uown at his hanus.



TBAT NIuBT, aftei Faiiu pickeu up Sohiab, I unfolueu Rahim Khan's lettei. I hau
uelayeu ieauing it as long as possible. It ieau: Amii jan, _Inshallah_, you have
ieacheu this lettei safely. I piay that I have not put you in haim's way anu that
Afghanistan has not been too unkinu to you. You have been in my piayeis since
the uay you left. You weie iight all those yeais to suspect that I knew. I uiu know.
Bassan tolu me shoitly aftei it happeneu. What you uiu was wiong, Amii jan, but
uo not foiget that you weie a boy when it happeneu. A tioubleu little boy. You
weie too haiu on youiself then, anu you still aie--I saw it in youi eyes in
Peshawai. But I hope you will heeu this: A man who has no conscience, no
goouness, uoes not suffei. I hope youi suffeiing comes to an enu with this
jouiney to Afghanistan.

Amii jan, I am ashameu foi the lies we tolu you all those yeais. You weie
iight to be angiy in Peshawai. You hau a iight to know. So uiu Bassan. I know it
uoesn't absolve anyone of anything, but the Kabul we liveu in in those uays was a
stiange woilu, one in which some things matteieu moie than the tiuth.

Amii jan, I know how haiu youi fathei was on you when you weie
giowing up. I saw how you suffeieu anu yeaineu foi his affections, anu my heait
bleu foi you. But youi fathei was a man toin between two halves, Amii jan: you
anu Bassan. Be loveu you both, but he coulu not love Bassan the way he longeu
to, openly, anu as a fathei. So he took it out on you insteau--Amii, the socially
legitimate half, the half that iepiesenteu the iiches he hau inheiiteu anu the sin-
with-impunity piivileges that came with them. When he saw you, he saw himself.
Anu his guilt. You aie still angiy anu I iealize it is fai too eaily to expect you to
accept this, but maybe someuay you will see that when youi fathei was haiu on
you, he was also being haiu on himself. Youi fathei, like you, was a toituieu soul,
Amii jan.

I cannot uesciibe to you the uepth anu blackness of the soiiow that came
ovei me when I leaineu of his passing. I loveu him because he was my fiienu, but
also because he was a goou man, maybe even a gieat man. Anu this is what I
want you to unueistanu, that goou, ieal goou, was boin out of youi fathei's
iemoise. Sometimes, I think eveiything he uiu, feeuing the pooi on the stieets,
builuing the oiphanage, giving money to fiienus in neeu, it was all his way of
ieueeming himself. Anu that, I believe, is what tiue ieuemption is, Amii jan,
when guilt leaus to goou.

I know that in the enu, uou will foigive. Be will foigive youi fathei, me,
anu you too. I hope you can uo the same. Foigive youi fathei if you can. Foigive
me if you wish. But, most impoitant, foigive youiself.

I have left you some money, most of what I have left, in fact. I think you
may have some expenses when you ietuin heie, anu the money shoulu be
enough to covei them. Theie is a bank in Peshawai; Faiiu knows the location.
The money is in a safe-ueposit box. I have given you the key.

As foi me, it is time to go. I have little time left anu I wish to spenu it
alone. Please uo not look foi me. That is my final iequest of you.

I leave you in the hanus of uou.

Youi fiienu always,

Rahim



I uiaggeu the hospital gown sleeve acioss my eyes. I folueu the lettei anu put it
unuei my mattiess.

Amii, the socially legitimate half, the half that iepiesenteu the iiches he
hau inheiiteu anu the sin-with-impunity piivileges that came with them. Naybe
that was why Baba anu I hau been on such bettei teims in the 0.S., I wonueieu.
Selling junk foi petty cash, oui menial jobs, oui giimy apaitment--the Ameiican
veision of a hut; maybe in Ameiica, when Baba lookeu at me, he saw a little bit of
Bassan.

Youi fathei, like you, was a toituieu soul, Rahim Khan hau wiitten. Naybe
so. We hau both sinneu anu betiayeu. But Baba hau founu a way to cieate goou
out of his iemoise. What hau I uone, othei than take my guilt out on the veiy
same people I hau betiayeu, anu then tiy to foiget it all. What hau I uone, othei
than become an insomniac. What hau I evei uone to iight things. When the
nuise--not Aisha but a ieu-haiieu woman whose name escapes me--walkeu in
with a syiinge in hanu anu askeu me if I neeueu a moiphine injection, I saiu yes.



TBEY REN0vEB TBE CBEST T0BE eaily the next moining, anu Aimanu gave the
staff the go-aheau to let me sip apple juice. I askeu Aisha foi a miiioi when she
placeu the cup of juice on the uiessei next to my beu. She lifteu hei bifocals to
hei foieheau as she pulleu the cuitain open anu let the moining sun floou the
ioom. "Remembei, now," she saiu ovei hei shouluei, "it will look bettei in a few
uays. Ny son-in-law was in a mopeu acciuent last yeai. Bis hanusome face was
uiaggeu on the asphalt anu became puiple like an eggplant. Now he is beautiful
again, like a Bollywoou movie stai."

Bespite hei ieassuiances, looking in the miiioi anu seeing the thing that
insisteu it was my face left me a little bieathless. It lookeu like someone hau
stuck an aii pump nozzle unuei my skin anu hau pumpeu away. Ny eyes weie
puffy anu blue. The woist of it was my mouth, a giotesque blob of puiple anu
ieu, all biuise anu stitches. I tiieu to smile anu a bolt of pain iippeu thiough my
lips. I woulun't be uoing that foi a while. Theie weie stitches acioss my left
cheek, just unuei the chin, on the foieheau just below the haiiline.

The olu guy with the leg cast saiu something in 0iuu. I gave him a shiug
anu shook my heau. Be pointeu to his face, patteu it, anu giinneu a wiue,
toothless giin. "veiy goou," he saiu in English. "Ins hallah**."

"Thank you," I whispeieu.

Faiiu anu Sohiab came in just as I put the miiioi away. Sohiab took his
seat on the stool, iesteu his heau on the beu's siue iail.

"You know, the soonei we get you out of heie the bettei," Faiiu saiu.

"Bi. Faiuqi says--"-

"I uon't mean the hospital. I mean Peshawai."

"Why."

"I uon't think you'll be safe heie foi long," Faiiu saiu. Be loweieu his
voice.

"The Taliban have fiienus heie. They will stait looking foi you."

"I think they alieauy may have," I muimuieu. I thought suuuenly of the
beaiueu man who'u wanueieu into the ioom anu just stoou theie staiing at me.

Faiiu leaneu in. "As soon as you can walk, I'll take you to Islamabau. Not
entiiely safe theie eithei, no place in Pakistan is, but it's bettei than heie. At least
it will buy you some time."

"Faiiu jan, this can't be safe foi you eithei. Naybe you shoulun't be seen
with me. You have a family to take caie of."

Faiiu maue a waving gestuie. "Ny boys aie young, but they aie veiy
shiewu. They know how to take caie of theii motheis anu sisteis." Be smileu.
"Besiues, I uiun't say I'u uo it foi fiee."

"I woulun't let you if you offeieu," I saiu. I foigot I coulun't smile anu tiieu.
A tiny stieak of bloou tiickleu uown my chin. "Can I ask you foi one moie favoi."

"Foi you a thousanu times ovei," Faiiu saiu.

Anu, just like that, I was ciying. I hitcheu gusts of aii, teais gushing uown
my cheeks, stinging the iaw flesh of my lips.

"What's the mattei." Faiiu saiu, alaimeu.

I buiieu my face in one hanu anu helu up the othei. I knew the whole
ioom was watching me. Aftei, I felt tiieu, hollow. "I'm soiiy," I saiu. Sohiab was
looking at me with a fiown cieasing his biow.

When I coulu talk again, I tolu Faiiu what I neeueu. "Rahim Khan saiu they
live heie in Peshawai."

"Naybe you shoulu wiite uown theii names," Faiiu saiu, eyeing me
cautiously, as if wonueiing what might set me off next. I sciibbleu theii names on
a sciap of papei towel. "}ohn anu Betty Caluwell."

Faiiu pocketeu the folueu piece of papei. "I will look foi them as soon as I
can," he saiu. Be tuineu to Sohiab. "As foi you, I'll pick you up this evening. Bon't
tiie Amii agha too much."

But Sohiab hau wanueieu to the winuow, wheie a half-uozen pigeons
stiutteu back anu foith on the sill, pecking at woou anu sciaps of olu bieau.



IN TBE NIBBLE BRAWER of the uiessei besiue my beu, I hau founu an olu
_National ueogiaphic_ magazine, a cheweu-up pencil, a comb with missing teeth,
anu what I was ieaching foi now, sweat pouiing uown my face fiom the effoit: a
ueck of caius. I hau counteu them eailiei anu, suipiisingly, founu the ueck
complete. I askeu Sohiab if he wanteu to play. I uiun't expect him to answei, let
alone play. Be'u been quiet since we hau fleu Kabul.

But he tuineu fiom the winuow anu saiu, "The only game I know is
panjpai."

"I feel soiiy foi you alieauy, because I am a gianu mastei at panjpai.
Woilu ienowneu."

Be took his seat on the stool next to me. I uealt him his five caius. "When
youi fathei anu I weie youi age, we useu to play this game. Especially in the
wintei, when it snoweu anu we coulun't go outsiue. We useu to play until the sun
went uown."

Be playeu me a caiu anu pickeu one up fiom the pile. I stole looks at him
as he ponueieu his caius. Be was his fathei in so many ways: the way he fanneu
out his caius with both hanus, the way he squinteu while ieauing them, the way
he iaiely lookeu a peison in the eye.

We playeu in silence. I won the fiist game, let him win the next one, anu
lost the next five faii anu squaie. "You'ie as goou as youi fathei, maybe even
bettei," I saiu, aftei my last loss. "I useu to beat him sometimes, but I think he let
me win." I pauseu befoie saying, "Youi fathei anu I weie nuiseu by the same
woman."

"I know."

"What... what uiu he tell you about us."

"That you weie the best fiienu he evei hau," he saiu.

I twiileu the jack of uiamonus in my fingeis, flippeu it back anu foith. "I
wasn't such a goou fiienu, I'm afiaiu," I saiu. "But I'u like to be youi fiienu. I
think I coulu be a goou fiienu to you. Woulu that be all iight. Woulu you like
that." I put my hanu on his aim, gingeily, but he flincheu. Be uioppeu his caius
anu pusheu away on the stool. Be walkeu back to the winuow. The sky was
awash with stieaks of ieu anu puiple as the sun set on Peshawai. Fiom the
stieet below came a succession of honks anu the biaying of a uonkey, the whistle
of a policeman. Sohiab stoou in that ciimson light, foieheau piesseu to the glass,
fists buiieu in his aimpits.



AISBA BAB A NALE ASSISTANT help me take my fiist steps that night. I only
walkeu aiounu the ioom once, one hanu clutching the wheeleu Iv stanu, the
othei clasping the assistant's foie aim. It took me ten minutes to make it back to
beu, anu, by then, the incision on my stomach thiobbeu anu I'u bioken out in a
uienching sweat. I lay in beu, gasping, my heait hammeiing in my eais, thinking
how much I misseu my wife.

Sohiab anu I playeu panjpai most of the next uay, again in silence. Anu
the uay aftei that. We haiuly spoke, just playeu panjpai, me pioppeu in beu, he
on the thiee-leggeu stool, oui ioutine bioken only by my taking a walk aiounu
the ioom, oi going to the bathioom uown the hall. I hau a uieam latei that night.
I uieameu Assef was stanuing in the uooiway of my hospital ioom, biass ball still
in his eye socket. "We'ie the same, you anu I," he was saying. "You nuiseu with
him, but you'ie my twin."



I T0LB ARNANB eaily that next uay that I was leaving.

"It's still eaily foi uischaige," Aimanu piotesteu. Be wasn't uiesseu in
suigical sciubs that uay, insteau in a button-uown navy blue suit anu yellow tie.
The gel was back in the haii. "You aie still in intiavenous antibiotics anu--"

"I have to go," I saiu. "I appieciate eveiything you've uone foi me, all of
you.

Really. But I have to leave."

"Wheie will you go." Aimanu saiu.

"I'u iathei not say."

"You can haiuly walk."

"I can walk to the enu of the hall anu back," I saiu. "I'll be fine."

The plan was this: Leave the hospital. uet the money fiom the safe-
ueposit box anu pay my meuical bills. Biive to the oiphanage anu uiop Sohiab
off with }ohn anu Betty Caluwell. Then get a iiue to Islamabau anu change tiavel
plans. uive myself a few moie uays to get bettei. Fly home.

That was the plan, anyway. 0ntil Faiiu anu Sohiab aiiiveu that moining.
"Youi fiienus, this }ohn anu Betty Caluwell, they aien't in Peshawai," Faiiu saiu.

It hau taken me ten minutes just to slip into my piihan tumban. Ny chest,
wheie they'u cut me to inseit the chest tube huit when I iaiseu my aim, anu my
stomach thiobbeu eveiy time I leaneu ovei. I was uiawing iaggeu bieaths just
fiom the effoit of packing a few of my belongings into a biown papei bag. But I'u
manageu to get ieauy anu was sitting on the euge of the beu when Faiiu came in
with the news. Sohiab sat on the beu next to me.

"Wheie uiu they go." I askeu.

Faiiu shook his heau. "You uon't unueistanu--"

"Because Rahim Khan saiu--"

"I went to the 0.S. consulate," Faiiu saiu, picking up my bag. "Theie nevei
was a }ohn anu Betty Caluwell in Peshawai. Accoiuing to the people at the
consulate, they nevei existeu. Not heie in Peshawai, anyhow."

Next to me, Sohiab was flipping thiough the pages of the olu National
ueogiaphic.



WE u0T TBE N0NEY fiom the bank. The managei, a paunchy man with sweat
patches unuei his aims, kept flashing smiles anu telling me that no one in the
bank hau toucheu the money.

"Absolutely nobouy," he saiu giavely, swinging his inuex fingei the same
way Aimanu hau.

Biiving thiough Peshawai with so much money in a papei bag was a
slightly fiightening expeiience. Plus, I suspecteu eveiy beaiueu man who staieu
at me to be a Talib killei, sent by Assef. Two things compounueu my feais: Theie
aie a lot of beaiueu men in Peshawai, anu eveiybouy staies.

"What uo we uo with him." Faiiu saiu, walking me slowly fiom the
hospital accounting office back to the cai. Sohiab was in the backseat of the Lanu
Ciuisei, looking at tiaffic thiough the iolleu-uown winuow, chin iesting on his
palms.

"Be can't stay in Peshawai," I saiu, panting.

"Nay, Amii agha, he can't," Faiiu saiu. Be'u ieau the question in my woius.
"I'm soiiy. I wish I--"

"That's all iight, Faiiu," I saiu. I manageu a tiieu smile. "You have mouths
to feeu." A uog was stanuing next to the tiuck now, pioppeu on its ieai legs,
paws on the tiuck's uooi, tail wagging. Sohiab was petting the uog. "I guess he
goes to Islamabau foi now," I saiu.



I SLEPT TBR00uB almost the entiie foui-houi iiue to Islamabau. I uieameu a
lot, anu most of it I only iemembei as a hougepouge of images, snippets of visual
memoiy flashing in my heau like caius in a Rolouex: Baba maiinating lamb foi
my thiiteenth biithuay paity. Soiaya anu I making love foi the fiist time, the sun
iising in the east, oui eais still iinging fiom the weuuing music, hei henna-
painteu hanus laceu in mine. The time Baba hau taken Bassan anu me to a
stiawbeiiy fielu in }alalabau--the ownei hau tolu us we coulu eat as much as we
wanteu to as long as we bought at least foui kilos--anu how we'u both enueu up
with bellyaches. Bow uaik, almost black, Bassan's bloou hau lookeu on the snow,
uiopping fiom the seat of his pants. Bloou is a poweiful thing, bachem. Khala
}amila patting Soiaya's knee anu saying, uou knows best, maybe it wasn't meant
to be. Sleeping on the ioof of my fathei's house. Baba saying that the only sin that
matteieu was theft. When you tell a lie, you steal a man's iight to the tiuth.
Rahim Khan on the phone, telling me theie was a way to be goou again. A way to
be goou again...





TWENTY-F00R



If Peshawai was the city that ieminueu me of what Kabul useu to be, then
Islamabau was the city Kabul coulu have become someuay. The stieets weie
wiuei than Peshawai's, cleanei, anu lineu with iows of hibiscus anu flame tiees.
The bazaais weie moie oiganizeu anu not neaily as cloggeu with iickshaws anu
peuestiians. The aichitectuie was moie elegant too, moie mouein, anu I saw
paiks wheie ioses anu jasmine bloomeu in the shauows of tiees.

Faiiu founu a small hotel on a siue stieet iunning along the foot of the
Naigalla Bills. We passeu the famous Shah Faisal Nosque on the way theie,
ieputeuly the biggest mosque in the woilu, with its giant conciete giiueis anu
soaiing minaiets. Sohiab peikeu up at the sight of the mosque, leaneu out of the
winuow anu lookeu at it until Faiiu tuineu a coinei.



TBE B0TEL R00N was a vast impiovement ovei the one in Kabul wheie Faiiu
anu I hau stayeu. The sheets weie clean, the caipet vacuumeu, anu the bathioom
spotless. Theie was shampoo, soap, iazois foi shaving, a bathtub, anu towels that
smelleu like lemon. Anu no blooustains on the walls. 0ne othei thing: a television
set sat on the uiessei acioss fiom the two single beus.

"Look!" I saiu to Sohiab. I tuineu it on manually--no iemote--anu tuineu
the uial. I founu a chiluien's show with two fluffy sheep puppets singing in 0iuu.

Sohiab sat on one of the beus anu uiew his knees to his chest. Images
fiom the Tv ieflecteu in his gieen eyes as he watcheu, stone-faceu, iocking back
anu foith. I iemembeieu the time I'u piomiseu Bassan I'u buy his family a coloi
Tv when we both giew up.

"I'll get going, Amii agha," Faiiu saiu.

"Stay the night," I saiu. "It's a long uiive. Leave tomoiiow."

"Tashakoi," he saiu. "But I want to get back tonight. I miss my chiluien."
0n his way out of the ioom, he pauseu in the uooiway. "uoou-bye, Sohiab jan,"
he saiu. Be waiteu foi a ieply, but Sohiab paiu him no attention. }ust iockeu back
anu foith, his face lit by the silvei glow of the images flickeiing acioss the scieen.

0utsiue, I gave him an envelope. When he toie it, his mouth openeu.

"I uiun't know how to thank you," I saiu. "You've uone so much foi me."

"Bow much is in heie." Faiiu saiu, slightly uazeu.

"A little ovei two thousanu uollais."

"Two thou--" he began. Bis lowei lip was quiveiing a little. Latei, when he
pulleu away fiom the cuib, he honkeu twice anu waveu. I waveu back. I nevei
saw him again.

I ietuineu to the hotel ioom anu founu Sohiab lying on the beu, cuileu up
in a big C. Bis eyes weie closeu but I coulun't tell if he was sleeping. Be hau shut
off the television. I sat on my beu anu giimaceu with pain, wipeu the cool sweat
off my biow. I wonueieu how much longei it woulu huit to get up, sit uown, ioll
ovei in beu. I wonueieu when I'u be able to eat soliu foou. I wonueieu what I'u
uo with the wounueu little boy lying on the beu, though a pait of me alieauy
knew.

Theie was a caiafe of watei on the uiessei. I pouieu a glass anu took two
of Aimanu's pain pills. The watei was waim anu bittei. I pulleu the cuitains,
easeu myself back on the beu, anu lay uown. I thought my chest woulu iip open.
When the pain uioppeu a notch anu I coulu bieathe again, I pulleu the blanket to
my chest anu waiteu foi Aimanu's pills to woik.



WBEN I W0KE 0P, the ioom was uaikei. The slice of sky peeking between the
cuitains was the puiple of twilight tuining into night. The sheets weie soakeu
anu my heau pounueu. I'u been uieaming again, but I coulun't iemembei what it
hau been about.

Ny heait gave a sick luich when I lookeu to Sohiab's beu anu founu it
empty I calleu his name. The sounu of my voice staitleu me. It was uisoiienting,
sitting in a uaik hotel ioom, thousanus of miles fiom home, my bouy bioken,
calling the name of a boy I'u only met a few uays ago. I calleu his name again anu
heaiu nothing. I stiuggleu out of beu, checkeu the bathioom, lookeu in the
naiiow hallway outsiue the ioom. Be was gone.

I lockeu the uooi anu hobbleu to the managei's office in the lobby, one
hanu clutching the iail along the walkway foi suppoit. Theie was a fake, uusty
palm tiee in the coinei of the lobby anu flying pink flamingos on the wallpapei. I
founu the hotel managei ieauing a newspapei behinu the Foimica-toppeu check-
in countei. I uesciibeu Sohiab to him, askeu if he'u seen him. Be put uown his
papei anu took off his ieauing glasses. Be hau gieasy haii anu a squaie-shapeu
little mustache speckleu with giay. Be smelleu vaguely of some tiopical fiuit I
coulun't quite iecognize.

"Boys, they like to iun aiounu," he saiu, sighing. "I have thiee of them. All
uay they aie iunning aiounu, tioubling theii mothei." Be fanneu his face with
the newspapei, staiing at my jaws.

"I uon't think he's out iunning aiounu," I saiu. "Anu we'ie not fiom heie.
I'm afiaiu he might get lost."

Be bobbeu his heau fiom siue to siue. "Then you shoulu have kept an eye
on the boy, mistei."

"I know," I saiu. "But I fell asleep anu when I woke up, he was gone."

"Boys must be tenueu to, you know."

"Yes," I saiu, my pulse quickening. Bow coulu he be so oblivious to my
appiehension. Be shifteu the newspapei to his othei hanu, iesumeu the fanning.

"They want bicycles now"

"Who."

"Ny boys," he saiu. "They'ie saying, 'Bauuy, Bauuy, please buy us bicycles
anu we'll not tiouble you. Please, Bauuy!" Be gave a shoit laugh thiough his
nose. "Bicycles. Theii mothei will kill me, I sweai to you."

I imagineu Sohiab lying in a uitch. 0i in the tiunk of some cai, bounu anu
gaggeu. I uiun't want his bloou on my hanus. Not his too. "Please..." I saiu. I
squinteu. Reau his name tag on the lapel of his shoit-sleeve blue cotton shiit.
"Ni. Fayyaz, have you seen him."

"The boy."

I bit uown. "Yes, the boy! The boy who came with me. Bave you seen him
oi not, foi uou's sake."

The fanning stoppeu. Bis eyes naiioweu. "No getting smait with me, my
fiienu. I am not the one who lost him."

That he hau a point uiu not stop the bloou fiom iushing to my face.
"You'ie iight. I'm wiong. Ny fault. Now, have you seen him."

"Soiiy," he saiu cuitly. Be put his glasses back on. Snappeu his newspapei
open.

"I have seen no such boy."

I stoou at the countei foi a minute, tiying not to scieam. As I was exiting
the lobby, he saiu, "Any iuea wheie he might have wanueieu to."

"No," I saiu. I felt tiieu. Tiieu anu scaieu.

"Boes he have any inteiests." he saiu. I saw he hau folueu the papei. "Ny
boys, foi example, they will uo anything foi Ameiican action films, especially
with that Ainolu ..WThatsaneggei--"

"The mosque!" I saiu. "The big mosque." I iemembeieu the way the
mosque hau jolteu Sohiab fiom his stupoi when we'u uiiven by it, how he'u
leaneu out of the winuow looking at it.

"Shah Faisal."

"Yes. Can you take me theie."

"Biu you know it's the biggest mosque in the woilu." he askeu.

"No, but--"

"The couityaiu alone can fit foity thousanu people."

"Can you take me theie."

"It's only a kilometei fiom heie," he saiu. But he was alieauy pushing
away fiom the countei.

"I'll pay you foi the iiue," I saiu.

Be sigheu anu shook his heau. "Wait heie." Be uisappeaieu into the back
ioom, ietuineu weaiing anothei paii of eyeglasses, a set of keys in hanu, anu
with a shoit, chubby woman in an oiange saii tiailing him. She took his seat
behinu the countei. "I uon't take youi money," he saiu, blowing by me. "I will
uiive you because I am a fathei like you."



I TB00uBT WE'B ENB 0P BRIvINu aiounu the city until night fell. I saw myself
calling the police, uesciibing Sohiab to them unuei Fayyaz's iepioachful glaie. I
heaiu the officei, his voice tiieu anu uninteiesteu, asking his obligatoiy
questions. Anu beneath the official questions, an unofficial one: Who the hell
caieu about anothei ueau Afghan kiu. But we founu him about a hunuieu yaius
fiom the mosque, sitting in the half-full paiking lot, on an islanu of giass. Fayyaz
pulleu up to the islanu anu let me out. "I have to get back," he saiu.

"That's fine. We'll walk back," I saiu. "Thank you, Ni. Fayyaz. Really."

Be leaneu acioss the fiont seat when I got out. "Can I say something to
you."

"Suie."

In the uaik of twilight, his face was just a paii of eyeglasses ieflecting the
fauing light. "The thing about you Afghanis is that... well, you people aie a little
ieckless."

I was tiieu anu in pain. Ny jaws thiobbeu. Anu those uamn wounus on my
chest anu stomach felt like baibeu wiie unuei my skin. But I staiteu to laugh
anyway.

"What... what uiu I..." Fayyaz was saying, but I was cackling by then, full-
thioateu buists of laughtei spilling thiough my wiieu mouth.

"Ciazy people," he saiu. Bis tiies scieecheu when he peeleu away, his tail-
lights blinking ieu in the uimming light.

"You uAvE NE A u00B SCARE," I saiu. I sat besiue him, wincing with pain
as I bent.

Be was looking at the mosque. Shah Faisal Nosque was shapeu like a
giant tent. Cais came anu went; woishipeis uiesseu in white stieameu in anu
out. We sat in silence, me leaning against the tiee, Sohiab next to me, knees to his
chest. We listeneu to the call to piayei, watcheu the builuing's hunuieus of lights
come on as uaylight faueu. The mosque spaikleu like a uiamonu in the uaik. It lit
up the sky, Sohiab's face.

"Bave you evei been to Nazai-i-Shaiif." Sohiab saiu, his chin iesting on
his kneecaps.

"A long time ago. I uon't iemembei it much."

"Fathei took me theie when I was little. Nothei anu Sasa came along too.
Fathei bought me a monkey fiom the bazaai. Not a ieal one but the kinu you
have to blow up. It was biown anu hau a bow tie."

"I might have hau one of those when I was a kiu."

"Fathei took me to the Blue Nosque," Sohiab saiu. "I iemembei theie
weie so many pigeons outsiue the masjiu, anu they weien't afiaiu of people.
They came iight up to us. Sasa gave me little pieces of _naan_ anu I feu the biius.
Soon, theie weie pigeons cooing all aiounu me. That was fun."

"You must miss youi paients veiy much," I saiu. I wonueieu if he'u seen
the Taliban uiag his paients out into the stieet. I hopeu he haun't.

"Bo you miss youi paients." he askeu, iesting his cheek on his knees,
looking up at me.

"Bo I miss my paients. Well, I nevei met my mothei. Ny fathei uieu a few
yeais ago, anu, yes, I uo miss him. Sometimes a lot."

"Bo you iemembei what he lookeu like."

I thought of Baba's thick neck, his black eyes, his uniuly biown haii.
Sitting on his lap hau been like sitting on a paii of tiee tiunks. "I iemembei what
he lookeu like," I saiu. "What he smelleu like too."

"I'm staiting to foiget theii faces," Sohiab saiu. "Is that bau."

"No," I saiu. "Time uoes that." I thought of something. I lookeu in the fiont
pocket of my coat. Founu the Polaioiu snap shot of Bassan anu Sohiab. "Beie," I
saiu.

Be biought the photo to within an inch of his face, tuineu it so the light
fiom the mosque fell on it. Be lookeu at it foi a long time. I thought he might ciy,
but he uiun't. Be just helu it in both hanus, tiaceu his thumb ovei its suiface. I
thought of a line I'u ieau somewheie, oi maybe I'u heaiu someone say it: Theie
aie a lot of chiluien in Afghanistan, but little chiluhoou. Be stietcheu his hanu to
give it back to me.

"Keep it," I saiu. "It's youis."

"Thank you." Be lookeu at the photo again anu stoweu it in the pocket of
his vest. A hoise-uiawn cait clip-cloppeu by in the paiking lot. Little bells
uangleu fiom the hoise's neck anu jingleu with each step.

"I've been thinking a lot about mosques lately," Sohiab saiu.

"You have. What about them."

Be shiuggeu. "}ust thinking about them." Be lifteu his face, lookeu stiaight
at me. Now he was ciying, softly, silently. "Can I ask you something, Amii agha."

"0f couise."

"Will uou..." he began, anu chokeu a little. "Will uou put me in hell foi
what I uiu to that man."

I ieacheu foi him anu he flincheu. I pulleu back. "Nay. 0f couise not," I
saiu. I wanteu to pull him close, holu him, tell him the woilu hau been unkinu to
him, not the othei way aiounu.

Bis face twisteu anu stiaineu to stay composeu. "Fathei useu to say it's
wiong to huit even bau people. Because they uon't know any bettei, anu because
bau people sometimes become goou."

"Not always, Sohiab."

Be lookeu at me questioningly.

"The man who huit you, I knew him fiom many yeais ago," I saiu. "I guess
you figuieu that out that fiom the conveisation he anu I hau. Be... he tiieu to huit
me once when I was youi age, but youi fathei saveu me. Youi fathei was veiy
biave anu he was always iescuing me fiom tiouble, stanuing up foi me. So one
uay the bau man huit youi fathei insteau. Be huit him in a veiy bau way, anu I... I
coulun't save youi fathei the way he hau saveu me."

"Why uiu people want to huit my fathei." Sohiab saiu in a wheezy little
voice. "Be was nevei mean to anyone."

"You'ie iight. Youi fathei was a goou man. But that's what I'm tiying to
tell you, Sohiab jan. That theie aie bau people in this woilu, anu sometimes bau
people stay bau. Sometimes you have to stanu up to them. What you uiu to that
man is what I shoulu have uone to him all those yeais ago. You gave him what he
ueseiveu, anu he ueseiveu even moie."

"Bo you think Fathei is uisappointeu in me."

"I know he's not," I saiu. "You saveu my life in Kabul. I know he is veiy
piouu of you foi that."

Be wipeu his face with the sleeve of his shiit. It buist a bubble of spittle
that hau foimeu on his lips. Be buiieu his face in his hanus anu wept a long time
befoie he spoke again. "I miss Fathei, anu Nothei too," he cioakeu. "Anu I miss
Sasa anu Rahim Khan sahib. But sometimes I'm glau they'ie not ... they'ie not
heie anymoie."

"Why." I toucheu his aim. Be uiew back.

"Because--" he saiu, gasping anu hitching between sobs, "because I uon't
want them to see me... I'm so uiity." Be suckeu in his bieath anu let it out in a
long, wheezy ciy. "I'm so uiity anu full of sin."

"You'ie not uiity, Sohiab," I saiu.

"Those men--"

"You'ie not uiity at all."

"--they uiu things... the bau man anu the othei two... they uiu things... uiu
things to me."

"You'ie not uiity, anu you'ie not full of sin." I toucheu his aim again anu
he uiew away. I ieacheu again, gently, anu pulleu him to me. "I won't huit you," I
whispeieu. "I piomise." Be iesisteu a little. Slackeneu. Be let me uiaw him to me
anu iesteu his heau on my chest. Bis little bouy convulseu in my aims with each
sob.

A kinship exists between people who've feu fiom the same bieast. Now,
as the boy's pain soakeu thiough my shiit, I saw that a kinship hau taken ioot
between us too. What hau happeneu in that ioom with Assef hau iiievocably
bounu us.

I'u been looking foi the iight time, the iight moment, to ask the question
that hau been buzzing aiounu in my heau anu keeping me up at night. I ueciueu
the moment was now, iight heie, iight now, with the biight lights of the house of
uou shining on us.

"Woulu you like to come live in Ameiica with me anu my wife."

Be uiun't answei. Be sobbeu into my shiit anu I let him.



F0R A WEEK, neithei one of us mentioneu what I hau askeu him, as if the
question haun't been poseu at all. Then one uay, Sohiab anu I took a taxicab to
the Baman-e-Koh viewpoint--oi "the hem of the mountain." Peicheu miuway up
the Naigalla Bills, it gives a panoiamic view of Islamabau, its iows of clean, tiee-
lineu avenues anu white houses. The uiivei tolu us we coulu see the piesiuential
palace fiom up theie. "If it has iaineu anu the aii is cleai, you can even see past
Rawalpinui," he saiu. I saw his eyes in his ieaiview miiioi, skipping fiom Sohiab
to me, back anu foith, back anu foith. I saw my own face too. It wasn't as swollen
as befoie, but it hau taken on a yellow tint fiom my assoitment of fauing biuises.

We sat on a bench in one of the picnic aieas, in the shaue of a gum tiee. It
was a waim uay, the sun peicheu high in a topaz blue sky. 0n benches neaiby,
families snackeu on samosas anu pakoias. Somewheie, a iauio playeu a Binui
song I thought I iemembeieu fiom an olu movie, maybe Pakeeza. Kius, many of
them Sohiab's age, chaseu soccei balls, giggling, yelling. I thought about the
oiphanage in Kaiteh-Seh, thought about the iat that hau scuiiieu between my
feet in Zaman's office. Ny chest tighteneu with a suige of unexpecteu angei at the
way my countiymen weie uestioying theii own lanu.

"What." Sohiab askeu. I foiceu a smile anu tolu him it wasn't impoitant.

We uniolleu one of the hotel's bathioom towels on the picnic table anu
playeu panjpai on it. It felt goou being theie, with my half biothei's son, playing
caius, the waimth of the sun patting the back of my neck. The song enueu anu
anothei one staiteu, one I uiun't iecognize.

"Look," Sohiab saiu. Be was pointing to the sky with his caius. I lookeu
up, saw a hawk ciicling in the bioau seamless sky. "Biun't know theie weie
hawks in Islamabau," I saiu.

"Ne neithei," he saiu, his eyes tiacing the biiu's ciiculai flight. "Bo they
have them wheie you live."

"San Fiancisco. I guess so. I can't say I've seen too many, though."

"0h," he saiu. I was hoping he'u ask moie, but he uealt anothei hanu anu
askeu if we coulu eat. I openeu the papei bag anu gave him his meatball
sanuwich. Ny lunch consisteu of yet anothei cup of blenueu bananas anu
oianges--I'u ienteu Nis. Fayyaz's blenuei foi the week. I suckeu thiough the
stiaw anu my mouth filleu with the sweet, blenueu fiuit. Some of it uiippeu fiom
the coinei of my lips. Sohiab hanueu me a napkin anu watcheu me uab at my
lips. I smileu anu he smileu back.

"Youi fathei anu I weie biotheis," I saiu. It just came out. I hau wanteu to
tell him the night we hau sat by the mosque, but I haun't. But he hau a iight to
know; I uiun't want to hiue anything anymoie. "Balf biotheis, ieally. We hau the
same fathei."

Sohiab stoppeu chewing. Put the sanuwich uown. "Fathei nevei saiu he
hau a biothei."

"That's because he uiun't know."

"Why uiun't he know."

"No one tolu him," I saiu. "No one tolu me eithei. I just founu out
iecently."

Sohiab blinkeu. Like he was looking at me, ieally looking at me, foi the
veiy fiist time. "But why uiu people hiue it fiom Fathei anu you."

"You know, I askeu myself that same question the othei uay. Anu theie's
an answei, but not a goou one. Let's just say they uiun't tell us because youi
fathei anu I... we weien't supposeu to be biotheis."

"Because he was a Bazaia."

I willeu my eyes to stay on him. "Yes."

"Biu youi fathei," he began, eyeing his foou, "uiu youi fathei love you anu
my fathei equally."

I thought of a long ago uay at uhaigha Lake, when Baba hau alloweu
himself to pat Bassan on the back when Bassan's stone hau out skippeu mine. I
pictuieu Baba in the hospital ioom, beaming as they iemoveu the banuages fiom
Bassan's lips. "I think he loveu us equally but uiffeiently."

"Was he ashameu of my fathei."

"No," I saiu. "I think he was ashameu of himself."

Be pickeu up his sanuwich anu nibbleu at it silently.



WE LEFT LATE TBAT AFTERN00N, tiieu fiom the heat, but tiieu in a pleasant
way. All the way back, I felt Sohiab watching me. I hau the uiivei pull ovei at a
stoie that solu calling caius. I gave him the money anu a tip foi iunning in anu
buying me one.

That night, we weie lying on oui beus, watching a talk show on Tv. Two
cleiics with peppei giay long beaius anu white tuibans weie taking calls fiom
the faithful all ovei the woilu. 0ne callei fiom Finlanu, a guy nameu Ayub, askeu
if his teenageu son coulu go to hell foi weaiing his baggy pants so low the seam
of his unueiweai showeu.

"I saw a pictuie of San Fiancisco once," Sohiab saiu.

"Really."

"Theie was a ieu biiuge anu a builuing with a pointy top."

"You shoulu see the stieets," I saiu.

"What about them." Be was looking at me now. 0n the Tv scieen, the two
mullahs weie consulting each othei.

"They'ie so steep, when you uiive up all you see is the hoou of youi cai
anu the sky," I saiu.

"It sounus scaiy," he saiu. Be iolleu to his siue, facing me, his back to the
Tv.

"It is the fiist few times," I saiu. "But you get useu to it."

"Boes it snow theie."

"No, but we get a lot of fog. You know that ieu biiuge you saw."

"Yes."

"Sometimes the fog is so thick in the moining, all you see is the tip of the
two toweis poking thiough."

Theie was wonuei in his smile. "0h."

"Sohiab."

"Yes."

"Bave you given any thought to what I askeu you befoie."

Bis smileu faueu. Be iolleu to his back. Laceu his hanus unuei his heau.
The mullahs ueciueu that Ayub's son woulu go to hell aftei all foi weaiing his
pants the way he uiu. They claimeu it was in the Bauuith. "I've thought about it,"
Sohiab saiu.

"Anu."

"It scaies me."

"I know it's a little scaiy," I saiu, giabbing onto that loose thieau of hope.

"But you'll leain English so fast anu you'll get useu to--"

"That's not what I mean. That scaies me too, but...

"But what."

Be iolleu towaiu me again. Biew his knees up. "What if you get tiieu of
me. What if youi wife uoesn't like me."

I stiuggleu out of beu anu ciosseu the space between us. I sat besiue him.
"I won't evei get tiieu of you, Sohiab," I saiu. "Not evei. That's a piomise. You'ie
my nephew, iemembei. Anu Soiaya jan, she's a veiy kinu woman. Tiust me,
she's going to love you. I piomise that too." I chanceu something. Reacheu uown
anu took his hanu. Be tighteneu up a little but let me holu it.

"I uon't want to go to anothei oiphanage," he saiu.

"I won't evei let that happen. I piomise you that." I cuppeu his hanu in
both of mine. "Come home with me."

Bis teais weie soaking the pillow. Be uiun't say anything foi a long time.
Then his hanu squeezeu mine back. Anu he nouueu. Be nouueu.



TBE C0NNECTI0N WENT TBR00uB on the fouith tiy. The phone iang thiee
times befoie she pickeu it up. "Bello." It was 7:Su in the evening in Islamabau,
ioughly about the same time in the moining in Califoinia. That meant Soiaya hau
been up foi an houi, getting ieauy foi school.

"It's me," I saiu. I was sitting on my beu, watching Sohiab sleep.

"Amii!" she almost scieameu. "Aie you okay. Wheie aie you."

"I'm in Pakistan."

"Why uiun't you call eailiei. I've been sick with tashweesh! Ny mothei's
piaying anu uoing nazi eveiy uay."

"I'm soiiy I uiun't call. I'm fine now." I hau tolu hei I'u be away a week,
two at the most. I'u been gone foi neaily a month. I smileu. "Anu tell Khala }amila
to stop killing sheep."

"What uo you mean 'fine now'. Anu what's wiong with youi voice."

"Bon't woiiy about that foi now. I'm fine. Really. Soiaya, I have a stoiy to
tell you, a stoiy I shoulu have tolu you a long time ago, but fiist I neeu to tell you
one thing."

"What is it." she saiu, hei voice lowei now, moie cautious.

"I'm not coming home alone. I'm biinging a little boy with me." I pauseu.
"I want us to auopt him."

"What."

I checkeu my watch. "I have fifty-seven minutes left on this stupiu calling
caiu anu I have so much to tell you. Sit some wheie." I heaiu the legs of a chaii
uiaggeu huiiieuly acioss the woouen flooi.

"uo aheau," she saiu.

Then I uiu what I haun't uone in fifteen yeais of maiiiage: I tolu my wife
eveiything. Eveiything. I hau pictuieu this moment so many times, uieaueu it,
but, as I spoke, I felt something lifting off my chest. I imagineu Soiaya hau
expeiienceu something veiy similai the night of oui khastegaii, when she'u tolu
me about hei past.

By the time I was uone with my stoiy, she was weeping.

"What uo you think." I saiu.

"I uon't know what to think, Amii. You've tolu me so much all at once."

"I iealize that."

I heaiu hei blowing hei nose. "But I know this much: You have to biing
him home.

I want you to."

"Aie you suie." I saiu, closing my eyes anu smiling.

"Am I suie." she saiu. "Amii, he's youi qaom, youi family, so he's my
qaom too. 0f couise I'm suie. You can't leave him to the stieets." Theie was a
shoit pause. "What's he like."

I lookeu ovei at Sohiab sleeping on the beu. "Be's sweet, in a solemn kinu
of way."

"Who can blame him." she saiu. "I want to see him, Amii. I ieally uo."

"Soiaya."

"Yeah."

"Bostet uaium." I love you.

"I love you back," she saiu. I coulu heai the smile in hei woius. "Anu be
caieful."

"I will. Anu one moie thing. Bon't tell youi paients who he is. If they neeu
to know, it shoulu come fiom me."

"0kay."

We hung up.



TBE LAWN 00TSIBE the Ameiican embassy in Islamabau was neatly moweu,
uotteu with ciiculai clusteis of floweis, boiueieu by iazoi-stiaight heuges. The
builuing itself was like a lot of builuings in Islamabau: flat anu white. We passeu
thiough seveial ioau blocks to get theie anu thiee uiffeient secuiity officials
conuucteu a bouy seaich on me aftei the wiies in my jaws set off the metal
uetectois. When we finally steppeu in fiom the heat, the aii-conuitioning hit my
face like a splash of ice watei. The secietaiy in the lobby, a fifty-something, lean-
faceu blonu woman, smileu when I gave hei my name. She woie a beige blouse
anu black slacks--the fiist woman I'u seen in weeks uiesseu in something othei
than a buiqa oi a shalwai-kameez. She lookeu me up on the appointment list,
tapping the eiasei enu of hei pencil on the uesk. She founu my name anu askeu
me to take a seat.

"Woulu you like some lemonaue." she askeu.

"None foi me, thanks," I saiu.

"Bow about youi son."

"Excuse me."

"The hanusome young gentleman," she saiu, smiling at Sohiab.

"0h. That'u be nice, thank you."

Sohiab anu I sat on the black leathei sofa acioss the ieception uesk, next
to a tall Ameiican flag. Sohiab pickeu up a magazine fiom the glass-top coffee
table. Be flippeu the pages, not ieally looking at the pictuies.

"What." Sohiab saiu.

"Soiiy."

"You'ie smiling."

"I was thinking about you," I saiu.

Be gave a neivous smile. Pickeu up anothei magazine anu flippeu thiough
it in unuei thiity seconus.

"Bon't be afiaiu," I saiu, touching his aim. "These people aie fiienuly.
Relax." I coulu have useu my own auvice. I kept shifting in my seat, untying anu
ietying my shoelaces. The secietaiy placeu a tall glass of lemonaue with ice on
the coffee table. "Theie you go."

Sohiab smileu shyly. "Thank you veiy much," he saiu in English. It came
out as "Tank you weiy match." It was the only English he knew, he'u tolu me, that
anu "Bave a nice uay."

She laugheu. "You'ie most welcome." She walkeu back to hei uesk, high
heels clicking on the flooi.

"Bave a nice uay," Sohiab saiu.



RAYN0NB ANBREWS was a shoit fellow with small hanus, nails peifectly
tiimmeu, weuuing banu on the iing fingei. Be gave me a cuit little shake; it felt
like squeezing a spaiiow. Those aie the hanus that holu oui fates, I thought as
Sohiab anu I seateu oui selves acioss fiom his uesk. A _Les Niseiables_ postei
was naileu to the wall behinu Anuiews next to a topogiaphical map of the 0.S. A
pot of tomato plants baskeu in the sun on the winuowsill.

"Smoke." he askeu, his voice a ueep baiitone that was at ouus with his
slight statuie.

"No thanks," I saiu, not caiing at all foi the way Anuiews's eyes baiely
gave Sohiab a glance, oi the way he uiun't look at me when he spoke. Be pulleu
open a uesk uiawei anu lit a cigaiette fiom a half-empty pack. Be also piouuceu
a bottle of lotion fiom the same uiawei. Be lookeu at his tomato plants as he
iubbeu lotion into his hanus, cigaiette uangling fiom the coinei of his mouth.
Then he closeu the uiawei, put his elbows on the uesktop, anu exhaleu. "So," he
saiu, ciinkling his giay eyes against the smoke, "tell me youi stoiy."

I felt like }ean valjean sitting acioss fiom }aveit. I ieminueu myself that I
was on Ameiican soil now, that this guy was on my siue, that he got paiu foi
helping people like me. "I want to auopt this boy, take him back to the States with
me," I saiu.

"Tell me youi stoiy," he iepeateu, ciushing a flake of ash on the neatly
aiiangeu uesk with his inuex fingei, flicking it into the tiash can.

I gave him the veision I hau woikeu out in my heau since I'u hung up with
Soiaya. I hau gone into Afghanistan to biing back my half biothei's son. I hau
founu the boy in squaliu conuitions, wasting away in an oiphanage. I hau paiu
the oiphanage uiiectoi a sum of money anu withuiawn the boy. Then I hau
biought him to Pakistan.

"You aie the boy's half uncle."

"Yes."

Be checkeu his watch. Leaneu anu tuineu the tomato plants on the sill.
"Know anyone who can attest to that."

"Yes, but I uon't know wheie he is now."

Be tuineu to me anu nouueu. I tiieu to ieau his face anu coulun't. I
wonueieu if he'u evei tiieu those little hanus of his at pokei.

"I assume getting youi jaws wiieu isn't the latest fashion statement," he
saiu. We weie in tiouble, Sohiab anu I, anu I knew it then. I tolu him I'u gotten
muggeu in Peshawai.

"0f couise," he saiu. Cleaieu his thioat. "Aie you Nuslim."

"Yes."

"Piacticing."

"Yes." In tiuth, I uiun't iemembei the last time I hau laiu my foieheau to
the giounu in piayei. Then I uiu iemembei: the uay Bi. Amani gave Baba his
piognosis. I hau kneeleu on the piayei iug, iemembeiing only fiagments of
veises I hau leaineu in school.

"Belps youi case some, but not much," he saiu, sciatching a spot on the
flawless pait in his sanuy haii.

"What uo you mean." I askeu. I ieacheu foi Sohiab's hanu, inteitwineu
my fingeis with his. Sohiab lookeu unceitainly fiom me to Anuiews.

"Theie's a long answei anu I'm suie I'll enu up giving it to you. You want
the shoit one fiist."

"I guess," I saiu.

Anuiews ciusheu his cigaiette, his lips puiseu. "uive it up."

"I'm soiiy."

"Youi petition to auopt this young fellow. uive it up. That's my auvice to
you."

"Buly noteu," I saiu. "Now, peihaps you'll tell me why."

"That means you want the long answei," he saiu, his voice impassive, not
ieacting at all to my cuit tone. Be piesseu his hanus palm to palm, as if he weie
kneeling befoie the viigin Naiy. "Let's assume the stoiy you gave me is tiue,
though I'u bet my pension a goou ueal of it is eithei fabiicateu oi omitteu. Not
that I caie, minu you. You'ie heie, he's heie, that's all that matteis. Even so, youi
petition faces significant obstacles, not the least of which is that this chilu is not
an oiphan."

"0f couise he is."

"Not legally he isn't."

"Bis paients weie executeu in the stieet. The neighbois saw it," I saiu,
glau we weie speaking in English.

"You have ueath ceitificates."

"Beath ceitificates. This is Afghanistan we'ie talking about. Nost people
theie uon't have biith ceitificates."

Bis glassy eyes uiun't so much as blink. "I uon't make the laws, sii. Youi
outiage notwithstanuing, you still neeu to piove the paients aie ueceaseu. The
boy has to be ueclaieu a legal oiphan."

"But--"

"You wanteu the long answei anu I'm giving it to you. Youi next pioblem
is that you neeu the coopeiation of the chilu's countiy of oiigin. Now, that's
uifficult unuei the best of ciicumstances, anu, to quote you, this is Afghanistan
we'ie talking about. We uon't have an Ameiican embassy in Kabul. That makes
things extiemely complicateu. }ust about impossible."

"What aie you saying, that I shoulu thiow him back on the stieets." I saiu.

"I uiun't say that."

"Be was sexually abuseu," I saiu, thinking of the bells aiounu Sohiab's
ankles, the mascaia on his eyes.

"I'm soiiy to heai that," Anuiews's mouth saiu. The way he was looking at
me, though, we might as well have been talking about the weathei. "But that is
not going to make the INS issue this young fellow a visa."

"What aie you saying."

"I'm saying that if you want to help, senu money to a ieputable ielief
oiganization. volunteei at a iefugee camp. But at this point in time, we stiongly
uiscouiage 0.S. citizens fiom attempting to auopt Afghan chiluien."

I got up. "Come on, Sohiab," I saiu in Faisi. Sohiab sliu next to me, iesteu
his heau on my hip. I iemembeieu the Polaioiu of him anu Bassan stanuing that
same way. "Can I ask you something, Ni. Anuiews."

"Yes."

"Bo you have chiluien."

Foi the fiist time, he blinkeu.

"Well, uo you. It's a simple question."

Be was silent.

"I thought so," I saiu, taking Sohiab's hanu. "They ought to put someone in
youi chaii who knows what it's like to want a chilu." I tuineu to go, Sohiab
tiailing me.

"Can I ask you a question." Anuiews calleu.

"uo aheau."

"Bave you piomiseu this chilu you'll take him with you."

"What if I have."

Be shook his heau. "It's a uangeious business, making piomises to kius."
Be sigheu anu openeu his uesk uiawei again. "You mean to puisue this." he saiu,
iummaging thiough papeis.

"I mean to puisue this."

Be piouuceu a business caiu. "Then I auvise you to get a goou
immigiation lawyei. 0mai Faisal woiks heie in Islamabau. You can tell him I
sent you."

I took the caiu fiom him. "Thanks," I mutteieu.

"uoou luck," he saiu. As we exiteu the ioom, I glanceu ovei my shouluei.
Anuiews was stanuing in a iectangle of sunlight, absently staiing out the
winuow, his hanus tuining the potteu tomato plants towaiu the sun, petting
them lovingly.

"TAKE CARE," the secietaiy saiu as we passeu hei uesk.

"Youi boss coulu use some manneis," I saiu. I expecteu hei to ioll hei
eyes, maybe nou in that "I know, eveiybouy says that," kinu of way. Insteau, she
loweieu hei voice. "Pooi Ray. Be hasn't been the same since his uaughtei uieu."

I iaiseu an eyebiow.

"Suiciue," she whispeieu.



"I know it sounus ciazy, but I finu myself wonueiing what his favoiite _quima_
will be, oi his favoiite subject in school. I pictuie myself helping him with
homewoik..." She laugheu. In the bathioom, the watei hau stoppeu iunning. I
coulu heai Sohiab in theie, shifting in the tub, spilling watei ovei the siues.

"You'ie going to be gieat," I saiu.

"0h, I almost foigot! I calleu Kaka Shaiif."

I iemembeieu him ieciting a poem at oui nika fiom a sciap of hotel
stationeiy papei. Bis son hau helu the Koian ovei oui heaus as Soiaya anu I hau
walkeu towaiu the stage, smiling at the flashing cameias. "What uiu he say."

"Well, he's going to stii the pot foi us. Be'll call some of his INS buuuies,"
she saiu.

"That's ieally gieat news," I saiu. "I can't wait foi you to see Sohiab."

"I can't wait to see you," she saiu.

I hung up smiling.



0N TBE TAXI RIBE back to the hotel, Sohiab iesteu his heau on the winuow, kept
staiing at the passing builuings, the iows of gum tiees. Bis bieath foggeu the
glass, cleaieu, foggeu it again. I waiteu foi him to ask me about the meeting but
he uiun't.



0N TBE 0TBER SIBE of the closeu bathioom uooi the watei was iunning. Since
the uay we'u checkeu into the hotel, Sohiab took a long bath eveiy night befoie
beu. In Kabul, hot iunning watei hau been like fatheis, a iaie commouity. Now
Sohiab spent almost an houi a night in the bath, soaking in the soapy watei,
sciubbing. Sitting on the euge of the beu, I calleu Soiaya. I glanceu at the thin line
of light unuei the bathioom uooi. Bo you feel clean yet, Sohiab. I passeu on to
Soiaya what Raymonu Anuiews hau tolu me. "So what uo you think." I saiu.

"We have to think he's wiong." She tolu me she hau calleu a few auoption
agencies that aiiangeu inteinational auoptions. She haun't yet founu one that
woulu consiuei uoing an Afghan auoption, but she was still looking.

"Bow aie youi paients taking the news."

"Nauai is happy foi us. You know how she feels about you, Amii, you can
uo no wiong in hei eyes. Pauai... well, as always, he's a little haiuei to ieau. Be's
not saying much."

"Anu you. Aie you happy."

I heaiu hei shifting the ieceivei to hei othei hanu. "I think we'll be goou
foi youi nephew, but maybe that little boy will be goou foi us too."

"I was thinking the same thing."

Sohiab emeigeu fiom the bathioom a few minutes latei. Be hau baiely
saiu a uozen woius since the meeting with Raymonu Anuiews anu my attempts
at conveisation hau only met with a nou oi a monosyllabic ieply. Be climbeu into
beu, pulleu the blanket to his chin. Within minutes, he was snoiing.

I wipeu a ciicle on the foggeu-up miiioi anu shaveu with one of the
hotel's olu-fashioneu iazois, the type that openeu anu you sliu the blaue in. Then
I took my own bath, lay theie until the steaming hot watei tuineu colu anu my
skin shiiveleu up. I lay theie uiifting, wonueiing, imagining...



0NAR FAISAL WAS CB0BBY, uaik, hau uimpleu cheeks, black button eyes, anu
an affable, gap-tootheu smile. Bis thinning giay haii was tieu back in a ponytail.
Be woie a biown coiuuioy suit with leathei elbow patches anu caiiieu a woin,
oveistuffeu biiefcase. The hanule was missing, so he clutcheu the biiefcase to his
chest. Be was the soit of fellow who staiteu a lot of sentences with a laugh anu
an unnecessaiy apology, like I'm soiiy, I'll be theie at five. Laugh. When I hau
calleu him, he hau insisteu on coming out to meet us. "I'm soiiy, the cabbies in
this town aie shaiks," he saiu in peifect English, without a tiace of an accent.
"They smell a foieignei, they tiiple theii faies."

Be pusheu thiough the uooi, all smiles anu apologies, wheezing a little
anu sweating. Be wipeu his biow with a hanukeichief anu openeu his biiefcase,
iummageu in it foi a notepau anu apologizeu foi the sheets of papei that spilleu
on the beu. Sitting cioss-leggeu on his beu, Sohiab kept one eye on the muteu
television, the othei on the haiiieu lawyei. I hau tolu him in the moining that
Faisal woulu be coming anu he hau nouueu, almost askeu something, anu hau
just gone on watching a show with talking animals.

"Beie we aie," Faisal saiu, flipping open a yellow legal notepau. "I hope
my chiluien take aftei theii mothei when it comes to oiganization. I'm soiiy,
piobably not the soit of thing you want to heai fiom youi piospective lawyei,
heh." Be laugheu.

"Well, Raymonu Anuiews thinks highly of you."

"Be uiu."

"0h yes.... So you'ie familiai with my situation."

Faisal uabbeu at the sweat beaus above his lips. "I'm familiai with the
veision of the situation you gave Ni. Anuiews," he saiu. Bis cheeks uimpleu with
a coy smile. Be tuineu to Sohiab. "This must be the young man who's causing all
the tiouble," he saiu in Faisi.

"This is Sohiab," I saiu. "Sohiab, this is Ni. Faisal, the lawyei I tolu you
about."

Sohiab sliu uown the siue of his beu anu shook hanus with 0mai Faisal.
"Salaam alaykum," he saiu in a low voice.

"Alaykum salaam, Sohiab," Faisal saiu. "Biu you know you aie nameu
aftei a gieat waiiioi."

Sohiab nouueu. Climbeu back onto his beu anu lay on his siue to watch
Tv.

"I uiun't know you spoke Faisi so well," I saiu in English. "Biu you giow
up in Kabul."

"No, I was boin in Kaiachi. But I uiu live in Kabul foi a numbei of yeais.
Shai-e-Nau, neai the Baji Yaghoub Nosque," Faisal saiu. "I giew up in Beikeley,
actually. Ny fathei openeu a music stoie theie in the late sixties. Fiee love,
heaubanus, tie-uyeu shiits, you name it." Be leaneu foiwaiu. "I was at
Wooustock."

"uioovy," I saiu, anu Faisal laugheu so haiu he staiteu sweating all ovei
again. "Anyway," I continueu, "what I tolu Ni. Anuiews was pietty much it, save
foi a thing oi two. 0i maybe thiee. I'll give you the uncensoieu veision."

Be lickeu a fingei anu flippeu to a blank page, uncappeu his pen. "I'u
appieciate that, Amii. Anu why uon't we just keep it in English fiom heie on
out."

"Fine."

I tolu him eveiything that hau happeneu. Tolu him about my meeting with
Rahim Khan, the tiek to Kabul, the oiphanage, the stoning at uhazi Stauium.

"uou," he whispeieu. "I'm soiiy, I have such fonu memoiies of Kabul.
Baiu to believe it's the same place you'ie telling me about."

"Bave you been theie lately."

"uou no."

"It's not Beikeley, I'll tell you that," I saiu.

"uo on."

I tolu him the iest, the meeting with Assef, the fight, Sohiab anu his
slingshot, oui escape back to Pakistan. When I was uone, he sciibbleu a few
notes, bieatheu in ueeply, anu gave me a sobei look. "Well, Amii, you've got a
tough battle aheau of you."

"0ne I can win."

Be cappeu his pen. "At the iisk of sounuing like Raymonu Anuiews, it's
not likely. Not impossible, but haiuly likely." uone was the affable smile, the
playful look in his eyes.

"But it's kius like Sohiab who neeu a home the most," I saiu. "These iules
anu iegulations uon't make any sense to me."

"You'ie pieaching to the choii, Amii," he saiu. "But the fact is, take cuiient
immigiation laws, auoption agency policies, anu the political situation in
Afghanistan, anu the ueck is stackeu against you."

"I uon't get it," I saiu. I wanteu to hit something. "I mean, I get it but I uon't
get it."

0mai nouueu, his biow fuiioweu. "Well, it's like this. In the afteimath of a
uisastei, whethei it be natuial oi man-maue--anu the Taliban aie a uisastei,
Amii, believe me--it's always uifficult to asceitain that a chilu is an oiphan. Kius
get uisplaceu in iefugee camps, oi paients just abanuon them because they can't
take caie of them. Bappens all the time. So the INS won't giant a visa unless it's
cleai the chilu meets the uefinition of an eligible oiphan. I'm soiiy, I know it
sounus iiuiculous, but you neeu ueath ceitificates."

"You've been to Afghanistan," I saiu. "You know how impiobable that is."

"I know," he saiu. "But let's suppose it's cleai that the chilu has no
suiviving paient. Even then, the INS thinks it's goou auoption piactice to place
the chilu with someone in his own countiy so his heiitage can be pieseiveu."

"What heiitage." I saiu. "The Taliban have uestioyeu what heiitage
Afghans hau.

You saw what they uiu to the giant Buuuhas in Bamiyan."

"I'm soiiy, I'm telling you how the INS woiks, Amii," 0mai saiu, touching
my aim. Be glanceu at Sohiab anu smileu. Tuineu back to me. "Now, a chilu has
to be legally auopteu accoiuing to the laws anu iegulations of his own countiy.
But when you have a countiy in tuimoil, say a countiy like Afghanistan,
goveinment offices aie busy with emeigencies, anu piocessing auoptions won't
be a top piioiity."

I sigheu anu iubbeu my eyes. A pounuing heauache was settling in just
behinu them.

"But let's suppose that somehow Afghanistan gets its act togethei," 0mai
saiu, ciossing his aims on his piotiuuing belly. "It still may not peimit this
auoption. In fact, even the moie moueiate Nuslim nations aie hesitant with
auoptions because in many of those countiies, Islamic law, Shaii'a, uoesn't
iecognize auoption."

"You'ie telling me to give it up." I askeu, piessing my palm to my
foieheau.

"I giew up in the 0.S., Amii. If Ameiica taught me anything, it's that
quitting is iight up theie with pissing in the uiil Scouts' lemonaue jai. But, as
youi lawyei, I have to give you the facts," he saiu. "Finally, auoption agencies
ioutinely senu staff membeis to evaluate the chilu's milieu, anu no ieasonable
agency is going to senu an agent to Afghanistan."

I lookeu at Sohiab sitting on the beu, watching Tv, watching us. Be was
sitting the way his fathei useu to, chin iesting on one knee.

"I'm his half uncle, uoes that count foi anything."

"It uoes if you can piove it. I'm soiiy, uo you have any papeis oi anyone
who can suppoit you."

"No papeis," I saiu, in a tiieu voice. "No one knew about it. Sohiab uiun't
know until I tolu him, anu I myself uiun't finu out until iecently. The only othei
peison who knows is gone, maybe ueau."

"What aie my options, 0mai."

"I'll be fiank. You uon't have a lot of them."

"Well, }esus, what can I uo."

0mai bieatheu in, tappeu his chin with the pen, let his bieath out. "You
coulu still file an oiphan petition, hope foi the best. You coulu uo an inuepenuent
auoption. That means you'u have to live with Sohiab heie in Pakistan, uay in anu
uay out, foi the next two yeais. You coulu seek asylum on his behalf. That's a
lengthy piocess anu you'u have to piove political peisecution. You coulu iequest
a humanitaiian visa. That's at the uiscietion of the attoiney geneial anu it's not
easily given." Be pauseu. "Theie is anothei option, piobably youi best shot."

"What." I saiu, leaning foiwaiu.

"You coulu ielinquish him to an oiphanage heie, then file an oiphan
petition.

Stait youi I-6uu foim anu youi home stuuy while he's in a safe place."

"What aie those."

"I'm soiiy, the I-6uu is an INS foimality. The home stuuy is uone by the
auoption agency you choose," 0mai saiu. "It's, you know, to make suie you anu
youi wife aien't iaving lunatics."

"I uon't want to uo that," I saiu, looking again at Sohiab. "I piomiseu him I
woulun't senu him back to an oiphanage."

"Like I saiu, it may be youi best shot."

We talkeu a while longei. Then I walkeu him out to his cai, an olu vW Bug.
The sun was setting on Islamabau by then, a flaming ieu nimbus in the west. I
watcheu the cai tilt unuei 0mai's weight as he somehow manageu to sliue in
behinu the wheel. Be iolleu uown the winuow. "Amii."

"Yes."

"I meant to tell you in theie, about what you'ie tiying to uo. I think it's
pietty gieat."

Be waveu as he pulleu away. Stanuing outsiue the hotel ioom anu waving
back, I wisheu Soiaya coulu be theie with me.



S0BRAB BAB T0RNEB 0FF TBE Tv when l went back into the ioom. I sat on the
euge of my beu, askeu him to sit next to me. "Ni. Faisal thinks theie is a way I can
take you to Ameiica with me," I saiu.

"Be uoes." Sohiab saiu, smiling faintly foi the fiist time in uays. "When
can we go."

"Well, that's the thing. It might take a little while. But he saiu it can be
uone anu he's going to help us." I put my hanu on the back of his neck. Fiom
outsiue, the call to piayei blaieu thiough the stieets.

"Bow long." Sohiab askeu.

"I uon't know. A while."

Sohiab shiuggeu anu smileu, wiuei this time. "I uon't minu. I can wait. It's
like the soui apples."

"Soui apples."

"0ne time, when I was ieally little, I climbeu a tiee anu ate these gieen,
soui apples. Ny stomach swelleu anu became haiu like a uium, it huit a lot.
Nothei saiu that if I'u just waiteu foi the apples to iipen, I woulun't have become
sick. So now, whenevei I ieally want something, I tiy to iemembei what she saiu
about the apples."

"Soui apples," I saiu. "_Nashallah_, you'ie just about the smaitest little
guy I've evei met, Sohiab jan." Bis eais ieuueneu with a blush.

"Will you take me to that ieu biiuge. The one with the fog." he saiu.

"Absolutely," I saiu. "Absolutely."

"Anu we'll uiive up those stieets, the ones wheie all you see is the hoou of
the cai anu the sky."

"Eveiy single one of them," I saiu. Ny eyes stung with teais anu I blinkeu
them away.

"Is English haiu to leain."

"I say, within a yeai, you'll speak it as well as Faisi."

"Really."

"Yes." I placeu a fingei unuei his chin, tuineu his face up to mine. "Theie
is one othei thing, Sohiab."

"What."

"Well, Ni. Faisal thinks that it woulu ieally help if we coulu... if we coulu
ask you to stay in a home foi kius foi a while."

"Bome foi kius." he saiu, his smile fauing. "You mean an oiphanage."

"It woulu only be foi a little while."

"No," he saiu. "No, please."

"Sohiab, it woulu be foi just a little while. I piomise."

"You piomiseu you'u nevei put me in one of those places, Amii agha," he
saiu.

Bis voice was bieaking, teais pooling in his eyes. I felt like a piick.

"This is uiffeient. It woulu be heie, in Islamabau, not in Kabul. Anu I'u
visit you all the time until we can get you out anu take you to Ameiica."

"Please! Please, no!" he cioakeu. "I'm scaieu of that place. They'll huit me!
I uon't want to go."

"No one is going to huit you. Not evei again."

"Yes they will! They always say they won't but they lie. They lie! Please,
uou!"

I wipeu the teai stieaking uown his cheek with my thumb. "Soui apples,
iemembei. It's just like the soui apples," I saiu softly.

"No it's not. Not that place. uou, oh uou. Please, no!" Be was tiembling,
snot anu teais mixing on his face.

"Shhh." I pulleu him close, wiappeu my aims aiounu his shaking little
bouy. "Shhh. It'll be all iight. We'll go home togethei. You'll see, it'll be all iight."

Bis voice was muffleu against my chest, but I heaiu the panic in it. "Please
piomise you won't! 0h uou, Amii agha! Please piomise you won't!"

Bow coulu I piomise. I helu him against me, helu him tightly, anu iockeu
back anu foith. Be wept into my shiit until his teais uiieu, until his shaking
stoppeu anu his fiantic pleas uwinuleu to inuecipheiable mumbles. I waiteu,
iockeu him until his bieathing sloweu anu his bouy slackeneu. I iemembeieu
something I hau ieau somewheie a long time ago: That's how chiluien ueal with
teiioi. They fall asleep.

I caiiieu him to his beu, set him uown. Then I lay in my own beu, looking
out the winuow at the puiple sky ovei Islamabau.



TBE SKY WAS A BEEP BLACK when the phone jolteu me fiom sleep. I iubbeu my
eyes anu tuineu on the beusiue lamp. It was a little past 1u:Su P.N.; I'u been
sleeping foi almost thiee houis. I pickeu up the phone. "Bello."

"Call fiom Ameiica." Ni. Fayyaz's boieu voice.

"Thank you," I saiu. The bathioom light was on; Sohiab was taking his
nightly bath. A couple of clicks anu then Soiaya: "Salaam!" She sounueu exciteu.

"Bow uiu the meeting go with the lawyei."

I tolu hei what 0mai Faisal hau suggesteu. "Well, you can foiget about it,"
she saiu. "We won't have to uo that."

I sat up. "Rawsti. Why, what's up."

"I heaiu back fiom Kaka Shaiif. Be saiu the key was getting Sohiab into
the countiy. 0nce he's in, theie aie ways of keeping him heie. So he maue a few
calls to his INS fiienus. Be calleu me back tonight anu saiu he was almost ceitain
he coulu get Sohiab a humanitaiian visa."

"No kiuuing." I saiu. "0h thank uou! uoou ol' Shaiif jan!"

"I know. Anyway, we'll seive as the sponsois. It shoulu all happen pietty
quickly. Be saiu the visa woulu be goou foi a yeai, plenty of time to apply foi an
auoption petition."

"It's ieally going to happen, Soiaya, huh."

"It looks like it," she saiu. She sounueu happy. I tolu hei I loveu hei anu
she saiu she loveu me back. I hung up.

"Sohiab!" I calleu, iising fiom my beu. "I have gieat news." I knockeu on
the bathioom uooi. "Sohiab! Soiaya jan just calleu fiom Califoinia. We won't
have to put you in the oiphanage, Sohiab. We'ie going to Ameiica, you anu I. Biu
you heai me. We'ie going to Ameiica!"

I pusheu the uooi open. Steppeu into the bathioom.

Suuuenly I was on my knees, scieaming. Scieaming thiough my clencheu
teeth.

Scieaming until I thought my thioat woulu iip anu my chest exploue.

Latei, they saiu I was still scieaming when the ambulance aiiiveu.





TWENTY-FIvE



They won't let me in.

I see them wheel him thiough a set of uouble uoois anu I follow. I buist
thiough the uoois, the smell of iouine anu peioxiue hits me, but all I have time to
see is two men weaiing suigical caps anu a woman in gieen huuuling ovei a
guiney. A white sheet spills ovei the siue of the guiney anu biushes against
giimy checkeieu tiles. A paii of small, bloouy feet poke out fiom unuei the sheet
anu I see that the big toenail on the left foot is chippeu. Then a tall, thickset man
in blue piesses his palm against my chest anu he's pushing me back out thiough
the uoois, his weuuing banu colu on my skin. I shove foiwaiu anu I cuise him,
but he says you cannot be heie, he says it in English, his voice polite but fiim.
"You must wait," he says, leauing me back to the waiting aiea, anu now the
uouble uoois swing shut behinu him with a sigh anu all I see is the top of the
men's suigical caps thiough the uoois' naiiow iectangulai winuows.

Be leaves me in a wiue, winuowless coiiiuoi ciammeu with people sitting
on metallic foluing chaiis set along the walls, otheis on the thin fiayeu caipet. I
want to scieam again, anu I iemembei the last time I felt this way, iiuing with
Baba in the tank of the fuel tiuck, buiieu in the uaik with the othei iefugees. I
want to teai myself fiom this place, fiom this ieality iise up like a clouu anu float
away, melt into this humiu summei night anu uissolve somewheie fai, ovei the
hills. But I am heie, my legs blocks of conciete, my lungs empty of aii, my thioat
buining. Theie will be no floating away. Theie will be no othei ieality tonight. I
close my eyes anu my nostiils fill with the smells of the coiiiuoi, sweat anu
ammonia, iubbing alcohol anu cuiiy. 0n the ceiling, moths fling themselves at
the uull giay light tubes iunning the length of the coiiiuoi anu I heai the papeiy
flapping of theii wings. I heai chattei, muteu sobbing, sniffling, someone
moaning, someone else sighing, elevatoi uoois opening with a bing, the opeiatoi
paging someone in 0iuu.

I open my eyes again anu I know what I have to uo. I look aiounu, my
heait a jackhammei in my chest, bloou thuuuing in my eais. Theie is a uaik little
supply ioom to my left. In it, I finu what I neeu. It will uo. I giab a white beu sheet
fiom the pile of folueu linens anu caiiy it back to the coiiiuoi. I see a nuise
talking to a policeman neai the iestioom. I take the nuise's elbow anu pull, I
want to know which way is west. She uoesn't unueistanu anu the lines on hei
face ueepen when she fiowns. Ny thioat aches anu my eyes sting with sweat,
each bieath is like inhaling fiie, anu I think I am weeping. I ask again. I beg. The
policeman is the one who points.

I thiow my makeshift _jai-namaz_, my piayei iug, on the flooi anu I get on
my knees, lowei my foieheau to the giounu, my teais soaking thiough the sheet.
I bow to the west. Then I iemembei I haven't piayeu foi ovei fifteen yeais. I have
long foigotten the woius. But it uoesn't mattei, I will uttei those few woius I still
iemembei: ..La iflaha ii** Allah, Nuhammau u iasul ullah. Theie is no uou but
Allah anu Nuhammau is Bis messengei. I see now that Baba was wiong, theie is
a uou, theie always hau been. I see Bim heie, in the eyes of the people in this
coiiiuoi of uespeiation. This is the ieal house of uou, this is wheie those who
have lost uou will finu Bim, not the white masjiu with its biight uiamonu lights
anu toweiing minaiets. Theie is a uou, theie has to be, anu now I will piay, I will
piay that Be foigive that I have neglecteu Bim all of these yeais, foigive that I
have betiayeu, lieu, anu sinneu with impunity only to tuin to Bim now in my
houi of neeu, I piay that Be is as meiciful, benevolent, anu giacious as Bis book
says Be is. I bow to the west anu kiss the giounu anu piomise that I will uo
_zakat_, I will uo _namaz_, I will fast uuiing Ramauan anu when Ramauan has
passeu I will go on fasting, I will commit to memoiy eveiy last woiu of Bis holy
book, anu I will set on a pilgiimage to that swelteiing city in the ueseit anu bow
befoie the Ka'bah too. I will uo all of this anu I will think of Bim eveiy uay fiom
this uay on if Be only giants me this one wish: Ny hanus aie staineu with
Bassan's bloou; I piay uou uoesn't let them get staineu with the bloou of his boy
too.

I heai a whimpeiing anu iealize it is mine, my lips aie salty with the teais
tiickling uown my face. I feel the eyes of eveiyone in this coiiiuoi on me anu still
I bow to the west. I piay. I piay that my sins have not caught up with me the way
I'u always feaieu they woulu.



A STARLESS, BLACK NIuBT falls ovei Islamabau. It's a few houis latei anu I am
sitting now on the flooi of a tiny lounge off the coiiiuoi that leaus to the
emeigency waiu. Befoie me is a uull biown coffee table clutteieu with
newspapeis anu uog-eaieu magazines--an Apiil 1996 issue of Time; a Pakistani
newspapei showing the face of a young boy who was hit anu killeu by a tiain the
week befoie; an enteitainment magazine with smiling Bollywoou actois on its
glossy covei. Theie is an olu woman weaiing a jaue gieen shalwai-kameez anu a
ciocheteu shawl nouuing off in a wheelchaii acioss fiom me. Eveiy once in a
while, she stiis awake anu mutteis a piayei in Aiabic. I wonuei tiieuly whose
piayeis will be heaiu tonight, heis oi mine. I pictuie Sohiab's face, the pointeu
meaty chin, his small seashell eais, his slanting bamboo-leaf eyes so much like
his fathei's. A soiiow as black as the night outsiue invaues me, anu I feel my
thioat clamping.

I neeu aii.

I get up anu open the winuows. The aii coming thiough the scieen is
musty anu hot--it smells of oveiiipe uates anu uung. I foice it into my lungs in
big heaps, but it uoesn't cleai the clamping feeling in my chest. I uiop back on the
flooi. I pick up the Time magazine anu flip thiough the pages. But I can't ieau,
can't focus on anything. So I toss it on the table anu go back to staiing at the
zigzagging pattein of the ciacks on the cement flooi, at the cobwebs on the
ceiling wheie the walls meet, at the ueau flies litteiing the winuowsill. Nostly, I
staie at the clock on the wall. It's just past 4 A.N. anu I have been shut out of the
ioom with the swinging uouble uoois foi ovei five houis now. I still haven't
heaiu any news.

The flooi beneath me begins to feel like pait of my bouy, anu my
bieathing is giowing heaviei, slowei. I want to sleep, shut my eyes anu lie my
heau uown on this colu, uusty flooi. Biift off. When I wake up, maybe I will
uiscovei that eveiything I saw in the hotel bathioom was pait of a uieam: the
watei uiops uiipping fiom the faucet anu lanuing with a plink into the bloouy
bath watei; the left aim uangling ovei the siue of the tub, the bloou-soakeu iazoi
sitting on the toilet tank--the same iazoi I hau shaveu with the uay befoie--anu
his eyes, still half open but light less. That moie than anything. I want to foiget
the eyes.

Soon, sleep comes anu I let it take me. I uieam of things I can't iemembei
latei.



S0NE0NE IS TAPPINu NE on the shouluei. I open my eyes. Theie is a man
kneeling besiue me. Be is weaiing a cap like the men behinu the swinging uouble
uoois anu a papei suigical mask ovei his mouth--my heait sinks when I see a
uiop of bloou on the mask. Be has tapeu a pictuie of a uoe-eyeu little giil to his
beepei. Be unsnaps his mask anu I'm glau I uon't have to look at Sohiab's bloou
anymoie. Bis skin is uaik like the impoiteu Swiss chocolate Bassan anu I useu to
buy fiom the bazaai in Shai-e-Nau; he has thinning haii anu hazel eyes toppeu
with cuiveu eyelashes. In a Biitish accent, he tells me his name is Bi. Nawaz, anu
suuuenly I want to be away fiom this man, because I uon't think I can beai to
heai what he has come to tell me. Be says the boy hau cut himself ueeply anu hau
lost a gieat ueal of bloou anu my mouth begins to muttei that piayei again: La
illaha il Allah, Nuhammau u iasul ullah.

They hau to tiansfuse seveial units of ieu cells--Bow will I tell Soiaya.
Twice, they hau to ievive him--I will uo _namaz_, I will uo _zakat_.

They woulu have lost him if his heait haun't been young anu stiong--I will
fast.

Be is alive.

Bi. Nawaz smiles. It takes me a moment to iegistei what he has just saiu.
Then he says moie but I uon't heai him. Because I have taken his hanus anu I
have biought them up to my face. I weep my ielief into this stiangei's small,
meaty hanus anu he says nothing now. Be waits.



TBE INTENSIvE CARE 0NIT is L-shapeu anu uim, a jumble of bleeping monitois
anu whiiiing machines. Bi. Nawaz leaus me between two iows of beus sepaiateu
by white plastic cuitains. Sohiab's beu is the last one aiounu the coinei, the one
neaiest the nuises' station wheie two nuises in gieen suigical sciubs aie jotting
notes on clipboaius, chatting in low voices. 0n the silent iiue up the elevatoi
with Bi. Nawaz, I hau thought I'u weep again when I saw Sohiab. But when I sit
on the chaii at the foot of his beu, looking at his white face thiough the tangle of
gleaming plastic tubes anu Iv lines, I am uiy-eyeu. Watching his chest iise anu
fall to the ihythm of the hissing ventilatoi, a cuiious numbness washes ovei me,
the same numbness a man might feel seconus aftei he has sweiveu his cai anu
baiely avoiueu a heau-on collision.

I uoze off, anu, when I wake up, I see the sun iising in a butteimilk sky
thiough the winuow next to the nuises' station. The light slants into the ioom,
aims my shauow towaiu Sohiab. Be hasn't moveu.

"You'u uo well to get some sleep," a nuise says to me. I uon't iecognize
hei--theie must have been a shift change while I'u nappeu. She takes me to
anothei lounge, this one just outsiue the IC0. It's empty. She hanus me a pillow
anu a hospital-issue blanket. I thank hei anu lie on the vinyl sofa in the coinei of
the lounge. I fall asleep almost immeuiately.

I uieam I am back in the lounge uownstaiis. Bi. Nawaz walks in anu I iise
to meet him. Be takes off his papei mask, his hanus suuuenly whitei than I
iemembeieu, his nails manicuieu, he has neatly paiteu haii, anu I see he is not
Bi. Nawaz at all but Raymonu Anuiews, the little embassy man with the potteu
tomatoes. Anuiews cocks his heau. Naiiows his eyes.



IN TBE BAYTINE, the hospital was a maze of teeming, angleu hallways, a blui of
blazing-white oveiheau fluoiescence. I came to know its layout, came to know
that the fouith-flooi button in the east wing elevatoi uiun't light up, that the
uooi to the men's ioom on that same flooi was jammeu anu you hau to iam youi
shouluei into it to open it. I came to know that hospital life has a ihythm, the
fluiiy of activity just befoie the moining shift change, the miuuay hustle, the
stillness anu quiet of the late-night houis inteiiupteu occasionally by a blui of
uoctois anu nuises iushing to ievive someone. I kept vigil at Sohiab's beusiue in
the uaytime anu wanueieu thiough the hospital's seipentine coiiiuois at night,
listening to my shoe heels clicking on the tiles, thinking of what I woulu say to
Sohiab when he woke up. I'u enu up back in the IC0, by the whooshing ventilatoi
besiue his beu, anu I'u be no closei to knowing.

Aftei thiee uays in the IC0, they withuiew the bieathing tube anu
tiansfeiieu him to a giounu-level beu. I wasn't theie when they moveu him. I
hau gone back to the hotel that night to get some sleep anu enueu up tossing
aiounu in beu all night. In the moining, I tiieu to not look at the bathtub. It was
clean now, someone hau wipeu off the bloou, spieau new flooi mats on the flooi,
anu sciubbeu the walls. But I coulun't stop myself fiom sitting on its cool,
poicelain euge. I pictuieu Sohiab filling it with waim watei. Saw him unuiessing.
Saw him twisting the iazoi hanule anu opening the twin safety latches on the
heau, sliuing the blaue out, holuing it between his thumb anu foiefingei. I
pictuieu him loweiing himself into the watei, lying theie foi a while, his eyes
closeu. I wonueieu what his last thought hau been as he hau iaiseu the blaue anu
biought it uown.

I was exiting the lobby when the hotel managei, Ni. Fayyaz, caught up
with me. "I am veiy soiiy foi you," he saiu, "but I am asking foi you to leave my
hotel, please. This is bau foi my business, veiy bau."

I tolu him I unueistoou anu I checkeu out. Be uiun't chaige me foi the
thiee uays I'u spent at the hospital. Waiting foi a cab outsiue the hotel lobby, I
thought about what Ni. Fayyaz hau saiu to me that night we'u gone looking foi
Sohiab: The thing about you Afghanis is that... well, you people aie a little
ieckless. I hau laugheu at him, but now I wonueieu. Bau I actually gone to sleep
aftei I hau given Sohiab the news he feaieu most. When I got in the cab, I askeu
the uiivei if he knew any Peisian bookstoies. Be saiu theie was one a couple of
kilometeis south. We stoppeu theie on the way to the hospital.



S0BRAB'S NEW R00N hau cieam-coloieu walls, chippeu, uaik giay moluings,
anu glazeu tiles that might have once been white. Be shaieu the ioom with a
teenageu Punjabi boy who, I latei leaineu fiom one of the nuises, hau bioken his
leg when he hau slippeu off the ioof of a moving bus. Bis leg was in a cast, iaiseu
anu helu by tongs stiappeu to seveial weights.

Sohiab's beu was next to the winuow, the lowei half lit by the late-
moining sunlight stieaming thiough the iectangulai panes. A unifoimeu secuiity
guaiu was stanuing at the winuow, munching on cookeu wateimelon seeus--
Sohiab was unuei twenty-foui houis-a-uay suiciue watch. Bospital piotocol, Bi.
Nawaz hau infoimeu me. The guaiu tippeu his hat when he saw me anu left the
ioom.

Sohiab was weaiing shoit-sleeveu hospital pajamas anu lying on his back,
blanket pulleu to his chest, face tuineu to the winuow. I thought he was sleeping,
but when I scooteu a chaii up to his beu his eyelius flutteieu anu openeu. Be
lookeu at me, then lookeu away. Be was so pale, even with all the bloou they hau
given him, anu theie was a laige puiple biuise in the ciease of his iight aim.

"Bow aie you." I saiu.

Be uiun't answei. Be was looking thiough the winuow at a fenceu-in
sanubox anu swing set in the hospital gaiuen. Theie was an aich-shapeu tiellis
neai the playgiounu, in the shauow of a iow of hibiscus tiees, a few gieen vines
climbing up the timbei lattice. A hanuful of kius weie playing with buckets anu
pails in the sanu box. The sky was a clouuless blue that uay, anu I saw a tiny jet
leaving behinu twin white tiails. I tuineu back to Sohiab. "I spoke to Bi. Nawaz a
few minutes ago anu he thinks you'll be uischaigeu in a couple of uays. That's
goou news, nay."

Again I was met by silence. The Punjabi boy at the othei enu of the ioom
stiiieu in his sleep anu moaneu something. "I like youi ioom," I saiu, tiying not
to look at Sohiab's banuageu wiists. "It's biight, anu you have a view." Silence. A
few moie awkwaiu minutes passeu, anu a light sweat foimeu on my biow, my
uppei lip. I pointeu to the untoucheu bowl of gieen pea aush on his nightstanu,
the unuseu plastic spoon. "You shoulu tiy to eat something. uain youi quwat
back, youi stiength. Bo you want me to help you."

Be helu my glance, then lookeu away, his face set like stone. Bis eyes weie
still lightless, I saw, vacant, the way I hau founu them when I hau pulleu him out
of the bathtub. I ieacheu into the papei bag between my feet anu took out the
useu copy of the Shah Namah I hau bought at the Peisian bookstoie. I tuineu the
covei so it faceu Sohiab. "I useu to ieau this to youi fathei when we weie
chiluien. We'u go up the hill by oui house anu sit beneath the pomegianate..." I
tiaileu off. Sohiab was looking thiough the winuow again. I foiceu a smile. "Youi
fathei's favoiite was the stoiy of Rostam anu Sohiab anu that's how you got youi
name, I know you know that." I pauseu, feeling a bit like an iuiot. "Any way, he
saiu in his lettei that it was youi favoiite too, so I thought I'u ieau you some of it.
Woulu you like that."

Sohiab closeu his eyes. Coveieu them with his aim, the one with the
biuise.

I flippeu to the page I hau bent in the taxicab. "Beie we go," I saiu,
wonueiing foi the fiist time what thoughts hau passeu thiough Bassan's heau
when he hau finally ieau the _Shahnamah_ foi himself anu uiscoveieu that I hau
ueceiveu him all those times. I cleaieu my thioat anu ieau. "uive eai unto the
combat of Sohiab against Rostam, though it be a tale ieplete with teais," I began.
"It came about that on a ceitain uay Rostam iose fiom his couch anu his minu
was filleu with foiebouings. Be bethought him..." I ieau him most of chaptei 1, up
to the pait wheie the young waiiioi Sohiab comes to his mothei, Tahmineh, the
piincess of Samengan, anu uemanus to know the iuentity of his fathei. I closeu
the book. "Bo you want me to go on. Theie aie battles coming up, iemembei.
Sohiab leauing his aimy to the White Castle in Iian. Shoulu I ieau on."

Be shook his heau slowly. I uioppeu the book back in the papei bag.
"That's fine," I saiu, encouiageu that he hau iesponueu at all. "Naybe we can
continue tomoiiow. Bow uo you feel."

Sohiab's mouth openeu anu a hoaise sounu came out. Bi. Nawaz hau tolu
me that woulu happen, on account of the bieathing tube they hau sliu thiough
his vocal coius. Be lickeu his lips anu tiieu again. "Tiieu."

"I know. Bi. Nawaz saiu that was to be expecteu--" Be was shaking his
heau.

"What, Sohiab."

Be winceu when he spoke again in that husky voice, baiely above a
whispei.

"Tiieu of eveiything."

I sigheu anu slumpeu in my chaii. Theie was a banu of sunlight on the beu
between us, anu, foi just a moment, the ashen giay face looking at me fiom the
othei siue of it was a ueau iingei foi Bassan's, not the Bassan I playeu maibles
with until the mullah belteu out the evening azan anu Ali calleu us home, not the
Bassan I chaseu uown oui hill as the sun uippeu behinu clay iooftops in the west,
but the Bassan I saw alive foi the last time, uiagging his belongings behinu Ali in
a waim summei uownpoui, stuffing them in the tiunk of Baba's cai while I
watcheu thiough the iain-soakeu winuow of my ioom.

Be gave a slow shake of his heau. "Tiieu of eveiything," he iepeateu.

"What can I uo, Sohiab. Please tell me."

"I want--" he began. Be winceu again anu biought his hanu to his thioat as
if to cleai whatevei was blocking his voice. Ny eyes weie uiawn again to his
wiist wiappeu tightly with white gauze banuages. "I want my olu life back," he
bieatheu.

"0h, Sohiab."

"I want Fathei anu Nothei jan. I want Sasa. I want to play with Rahim
Khan sahib in the gaiuen. I want to live in oui house again." Be uiaggeu his
foieaim acioss his eyes. "I want my olu life back."

I uiun't know what to say, wheie to look, so I gazeu uown at my hanus.
Youi olu life, I thought. Ny olu life too. I playeu in the same yaiu, Sohiab. I liveu
in the same house. But the giass is ueau anu a stiangei's jeep is paikeu in the
uiiveway of oui house, pissing oil all ovei the asphalt. 0ui olu life is gone,
Sohiab, anu eveiyone in it is eithei ueau oi uying. It's just you anu me now. }ust
you anu me.

"I can't give you that," I saiu.

"I wish you haun't--"

"Please uon't say that."

"--wish you haun't... I wish you hau left me in the watei."

"Bon't evei say that, Sohiab," I saiu, leaning foiwaiu. "I can't beai to heai
you talk like that." I toucheu his shouluei anu he flincheu. Biew away. I uioppeu
my hanu, iemembeiing iuefully how in the last uays befoie I'u bioken my
piomise to him he hau finally become at ease with my touch. "Sohiab, I can't give
you youi olu life back, I wish to uou I coulu. But I can take you with me. That was
what I was coming in the bathioom to tell you. You have a visa to go to Ameiica,
to live with me anu my wife. It's tiue. I piomise."

Be sigheu thiough his nose anu closeu his eyes. I wisheu I haun't saiu
those last two woius. "You know, I've uone a lot of things I iegiet in my life," I
saiu, "anu maybe none moie than going back on the piomise I maue you. But that
will nevei happen again, anu I am so veiy piofounuly soiiy. I ask foi youi
bakhshesh, youi foigiveness. Can you uo that. Can you foigive me. Can you
believe me." I uioppeu my voice. "Will you come with me."

As I waiteu foi his ieply, my minu flasheu back to a wintei uay fiom long
ago, Bassan anu I sitting on the snow beneath a leafless soui cheiiy tiee. I hau
playeu a ciuel game with Bassan that uay, toyeu with him, askeu him if he woulu
chew uiit to piove his loyalty to me. Now I was the one unuei the micioscope,
the one who hau to piove my woithiness. I ueseiveu this.

Sohiab iolleu to his siue, his back to me. Be uiun't say anything foi a long
time. Anu then, just as I thought he might have uiifteu to sleep, he saiu with a
cioak, "I am so khasta." So veiy tiieu. I sat by his beu until he fell asleep.
Something was lost between Sohiab anu me. 0ntil my meeting with the lawyei,
0mai Faisal, a light of hope hau begun to entei Sohiab's eyes like a timiu guest.
Now the light was gone, the guest hau fleu, anu I wonueieu when it woulu uaie
ietuin. I wonueieu how long befoie Sohiab smileu again. Bow long befoie he
tiusteu me. If evei.

So I left the ioom anu went looking foi anothei hotel, unawaie that
almost a yeai woulu pass befoie I woulu heai Sohiab speak anothei woiu.



IN TBE ENB, Sohiab nevei accepteu my offei. Noi uiu he uecline it. But he knew
that when the banuages weie iemoveu anu the hospital gaiments ietuineu, he
was just anothei homeless Bazaia oiphan. What choice uiu he have. Wheie
coulu he go. So what I took as a yes fiom him was in actuality moie of a quiet
suiienuei, not so much an acceptance as an act of ielinquishment by one too
weaiy to ueciue, anu fai too tiieu to believe. What he yeaineu foi was his olu life.
What he got was me anu Ameiica. Not that it was such a bau fate, eveiything
consiueieu, but I coulun't tell him that. Peispective was a luxuiy when youi heau
was constantly buzzing with a swaim of uemons.

Anu so it was that, about a week latei, we ciosseu a stiip of waim, black
taimac anu I biought Bassan's son fiom Afghanistan to Ameiica, lifting him fiom
the ceitainty of tuimoil anu uiopping him in a tuimoil of unceitainty.



0NE BAY, maybe aiounu 198S oi 1984, I was at a viueo stoie in Fiemont. I was
stanuing in the Westeins section when a guy next to me, sipping Coke fiom a 7-
Eleven cup, pointeu to _The Nagnificent Seven_ anu askeu me if I hau seen it.
"Yes, thiiteen times," I saiu. "Chailes Bionson uies in it, so uo }ames Cobuin anu
Robeit vaughn." Be gave me a pinch-faceu look, as if I hau just spat in his soua.
"Thanks a lot, man," he saiu, shaking his heau anu mutteiing something as he
walkeu away. That was when I leaineu that, in Ameiica, you uon't ieveal the
enuing of the movie, anu if you uo, you will be scoineu anu maue to apologize
piofusely foi having committeu the sin of Spoiling the Enu.

In Afghanistan, the enuing was all that matteieu. When Bassan anu I came
home aftei watching a Binui film at Cinema Zainab, what Ali, Rahim Khan, Baba,
oi the myiiau of Baba's fiienus--seconu anu thiiu cousins milling in anu out of
the house--wanteu to know was this: Biu the uiil in the film finu happiness. Biu
the bacheh film, the uuy in the film, become katnyab anu fulfill his uieams, oi
was he nah-kam, uoomeu to wallow in failuie. Was theie happiness at the enu,
they wanteu to know.

If someone weie to ask me touay whethei the stoiy of Bassan, Sohiab,
anu me enus with happiness, I woulun't know what to say.

Boes anybouy's. Aftei all, life is not a Binui movie. Zenuagi migzaia,
Afghans like to say: Life goes on, unminuful of beginning, enu, kamyab, nah-kam,
ciisis oi cathaisis, moving foiwaiu like a slow, uusty caiavan of kochis.

I woulun't know how to answei that question. Bespite the mattei of last
Sunuay's tiny miiacle.



WE ARRIvEB B0NE about seven months ago, on a waim uay in August 2uu1.
Soiaya pickeu us up at the aiipoit. I hau nevei been away fiom Soiaya foi so
long, anu when she lockeu hei aims aiounu my neck, when I smelleu apples in
hei haii, I iealizeu how much I hau misseu hei. "You'ie still the moining sun to
my yelua," I whispeieu.

"What."

"Nevei minu." I kisseu hei eai.

Aftei, she knelt to eye level with Sohiab. She took his hanu anu smileu at
him.

"Salaam, Sohiab jan, I'm youi Khala Soiaya. We've all been waiting foi
you."

Looking at hei smiling at Sohiab, hei eyes teaiing ovei a little, I hau a
glimpse of the mothei she might have been, hau hei own womb not betiayeu hei.

Sohiab shifteu on his feet anu lookeu away.



S0RAYA BAB T0RNEB TBE ST0BY upstaiis into a beuioom foi Sohiab. She leu
him in anu he sat on the euge of the beu. The sheets showeu biightly coloieu
kites flying in inuigo blue skies. She hau maue insciiptions on the wall by the
closet, feet anu inches to measuie a chilu's giowing height. At the foot of the beu,
I saw a wickei basket stuffeu with books, a locomotive, a watei coloi set.

Sohiab was weaiing the plain white T-shiit anu new uenims I hau bought
him in Islamabau just befoie we'u left--the shiit hung loosely ovei his bony,
slumping shoulueis. The coloi still haun't seepeu back into his face, save foi the
halo of uaik ciicles aiounu his eyes. Be was looking at us now in the impassive
way he lookeu at the plates of boileu iice the hospital oiueily placeu befoie him.

Soiaya askeu if he likeu his ioom anu I noticeu that she was tiying to
avoiu looking at his wiists anu that hei eyes kept swaying back to those jaggeu
pink lines. Sohiab loweieu his heau. Biu his hanus unuei his thighs anu saiu
nothing.

Then he simply lay his heau on the pillow. Less than five minutes latei,
Soiaya anu I watching fiom the uooiway, he was snoiing.

We went to beu, anu Soiaya fell asleep with hei heau on my chest. In the
uaikness of oui ioom, I lay awake, an insomniac once moie. Awake. Anu alone
with uemons of my own. Sometime in the miuule of the night, I sliu out of beu
anu went to Sohiab's ioom. I stoou ovei him, looking uown, anu saw something
piotiuuing fiom unuei his pillow. I pickeu it up. Saw it was Rahim Khan's
Polaioiu, the one I hau given to Sohiab the night we hau sat by the Shah Faisal
Nosque. The one of Bassan anu Sohiab stanuing siue by siue, squinting in the
light of the sun, anu smiling like the woilu was a goou anu just place. I wonueieu
how long Sohiab hau lain in beu staiing at the photo, tuining it in his hanus.

I lookeu at the photo. Youi fathei was a man toin between two halves,
Rahim Khan hau saiu in his lettei. I hau been the entitleu half, the society-
appioveu, legitimate half, the unwitting embouiment of Baba's guilt. I lookeu at
Bassan, showing those two missing fiont teeth, sunlight slanting on his face.
Baba's othei half. The unentitleu, unpiivilegeu half. The half who hau inheiiteu
what hau been puie anu noble in Baba. The half that, maybe, in the most seciet
iecesses of his heait, Baba hau thought of as his tiue son.

I slippeu the pictuie back wheie I hau founu it. Then I iealizeu something:
That last thought hau biought no sting with it. Closing Sohiab's uooi, I wonueieu
if that was how foigiveness buuueu, not with the fanfaie of epiphany, but with
pain gatheiing its things, packing up, anu slipping away unannounceu in the
miuule of the night.



TBE uENERAL ANB KBALA }ANILA came ovei foi uinnei the following night.
Khala }amila, hei haii cut shoit anu a uaikei shaue of ieu than usual, hanueu
Soiaya the plate of almonu-toppeu maghout she hau biought foi uesseit. She
saw Sohiab anu beameu. "_Nashallah_!" Soiaya jan tolu us how khoshteep you
weie, but you aie even moie hanusome in peison, Sohiab jan." She hanueu him a
blue tuitleneck sweatei. "I knitteu this foi you," she saiu. "Foi next wintei.
_Inshallah_, it will fit you."

Sohiab took the sweatei fiom hei.

"Bello, young man," was all the geneial saiu, leaning with both hanus on
his cane, looking at Sohiab the way one might stuuy a bizaiie uecoiative item at
someone's house.

I answeieu, anu answeieu again, Khala }amila's questions about my
injuiies--I'u askeu Soiaya to tell them I hau been muggeu--ieassuiing hei that I
hau no peimanent uamage, that the wiies woulu come out in a few weeks so I'u
be able to eat hei cooking again, that, yes, I woulu tiy iubbing ihubaib juice anu
sugai on my scais to make them faue fastei.

The geneial anu I sat in the living ioom anu sippeu wine while Soiaya anu
hei mothei set the table. I tolu him about Kabul anu the Taliban. Be listeneu anu
nouueu, his cane on his lap, anu tsk'eu when I tolu him of the man I hau spotteu
selling his aitificial leg. I maue no mention of the executions at uhazi Stauium
anu Assef. Be askeu about Rahim Khan, whom he saiu he hau met in Kabul a few
times, anu shook his heau solemnly when I tolu him of Rahim Khan's illness. But
as we spoke, I caught his eyes uiifting again anu again to Sohiab sleeping on the
couch. As if we weie skiiting aiounu the euge of what he ieally wanteu to know.

The skiiting finally came to an enu ovei uinnei when the geneial put
uown his foik anu saiu, "So, Amii jan, you'ie going to tell us why you have
biought back this boy with you."

"Iqbal jan! What soit of question is that." Khala }amila saiu.

"While you'ie busy knitting sweateis, my ueai, I have to ueal with the
community's peiception of oui family. People will ask. They will want to know
why theie is a Bazaia boy living with oui uaughtei. What uo I tell them."

Soiaya uioppeu hei spoon. Tuineu on hei fathei. "You can tell them--"

"It's okay, Soiaya," I saiu, taking hei hanu. "It's okay. ueneial Sahib is
quite iight. People will ask."

"Amii--" she began.

"It's all iight." I tuineu to the geneial. "You see, ueneial Sahib, my fathei
slept with his seivant's wife. She boie him a son nameu Bassan. Bassan is ueau
now. That boy sleeping on the couch is Bassan's son. Be's my nephew. That's
what you tell people when they ask."

They weie all staiing at me.

"Anu one moie thing, ueneial Sahib," I saiu. "You will nevei again iefei to
him as 'Bazaia boy' in my piesence. Be has a name anu it's Sohiab."

No one saiu anything foi the iemainuei of the meal.



IT W00LB BE ERR0NE00S to say Sohiab was quiet. Quiet is peace. Tianquillity.

Quiet is tuining uown the v0L0NE knob on life.

Silence is pushing the 0FF button. Shutting it uown. All of it.

Sohiab's silence wasn't the self-imposeu silence of those with convictions,
of piotesteis who seek to speak theii cause by not speaking at all. It was the
silence of one who has taken covei in a uaik place, cuileu up all the euges anu
tuckeu them unuei.

Be uiun't so much live with us as occupy space. Anu piecious little of it.
Sometimes, at the maiket, oi in the paik, I'u notice how othei people haiuly
seemeu to even see him, like he wasn't theie at all. I'u look up fiom a book anu
iealize Sohiab hau enteieu the ioom, hau sat acioss fiom me, anu I haun't
noticeu. Be walkeu like he was afiaiu to leave behinu footpiints. Be moveu as if
not to stii the aii aiounu him. Nostly, he slept.

Sohiab's silence was haiu on Soiaya too. 0vei that long-uistance line to
Pakistan, Soiaya hau tolu me about the things she was planning foi Sohiab.
Swimming classes. Soccei. Bowling league. Now she'u walk past Sohiab's ioom
anu catch a glimpse of books sitting unopeneu in the wickei basket, the giowth
chait unmaikeu, the jigsaw puzzle unassembleu, each item a ieminuei of a life
that coulu have been. A ieminuei of a uieam that was wilting even as it was
buuuing. But she haun't been alone. I'u hau my own uieams foi Sohiab.

While Sohiab was silent, the woilu was not. 0ne Tuesuay moining last
Septembei, the Twin Toweis came ciumbling uown anu, oveinight, the woilu
changeu. The Ameiican flag suuuenly appeaieu eveiywheie, on the antennae of
yellow cabs weaving aiounu tiaffic, on the lapels of peuestiians walking the
siuewalks in a steauy stieam, even on the giimy caps of San Fiancisco's pan
hanuleis sitting beneath the awnings of small ait galleiies anu open-fionteu
shops. 0ne uay I passeu Euith, the homeless woman who plays the accoiuion
eveiy uay on the coinei of Suttei anu Stockton, anu spotteu an Ameiican flag
stickei on the accoiuion case at hei feet.

Soon aftei the attacks, Ameiica bombeu Afghanistan, the Noithein
Alliance moveu in, anu the Taliban scuiiieu like iats into the caves. Suuuenly,
people weie stanuing in gioceiy stoie lines anu talking about the cities of my
chiluhoou, Kanuahai, Beiat, Nazai-i-Shaiif. When I was veiy little, Baba took
Bassan anu me to Kunuuz. I uon't iemembei much about the tiip, except sitting
in the shaue of an acacia tiee with Baba anu Bassan, taking tuins sipping fiesh
wateimelon juice fiom a clay pot anu seeing who coulu spit the seeus faithei.
Now Ban Rathei, Tom Biokaw, anu people sipping lattes at Staibucks weie
talking about the battle foi Kunuuz, the Taliban's last stiongholu in the noith.
That Becembei, Pashtuns, Tajiks, 0zbeks, anu Bazaias gatheieu in Bonn anu,
unuei the watchful eye of the 0N, began the piocess that might someuay enu
ovei twenty yeais of unhappiness in theii watan. Bamiu Kaizai's caiacul hat anu
gieen chapan became famous.

Sohiab sleepwalkeu thiough it all.

Soiaya anu I became involveu in Afghan piojects, as much out of a sense
of civil uuty as the neeu foi something--anything--to fill the silence upstaiis, the
silence that suckeu eveiything in like a black hole. I hau nevei been the active
type befoie, but when a man nameu Kabii, a foimei Afghan ambassauoi to Sofia,
calleu anu askeu if I wanteu to help him with a hospital pioject, I saiu yes. The
small hospital hau stoou neai the Afghan-Pakistani boiuei anu hau a small
suigical unit that tieateu Afghan iefugees with lanu mine injuiies. But it hau
closeu uown uue to a lack of funus. I became the pioject managei, Soiaya my co-
managei. I spent most of my uays in the stuuy, e-mailing people aiounu the
woilu, applying foi giants, oiganizing funu-iaising events. Anu telling myself
that biinging Sohiab heie hau been the iight thing to uo.

The yeai enueu with Soiaya anu me on the couch, blanket spieau ovei oui
legs, watching Bick Claik on Tv. People cheeieu anu kisseu when the silvei ball
uioppeu, anu confetti whiteneu the scieen. In oui house, the new yeai began
much the same way the last one hau enueu. In silence.



TBEN, F00R BAYS Au0, on a cool iainy uay in Naich 2uu2, a small, wonuious
thing happeneu.

I took Soiaya, Khala }amila, anu Sohiab to a gatheiing of Afghans at Lake
Elizabeth Paik in Fiemont. The geneial hau finally been summoneu to
Afghanistan the month befoie foi a ministiy position, anu hau flown theie two
weeks eailiei--he hau left behinu his giay suit anu pocket watch. The plan was
foi Khala }amila to join him in a few months once he hau settleu. She misseu him
teiiibly--anu woiiieu about his health theie--anu we hau insisteu she stay with
us foi a while.

The pievious Thuisuay, the fiist uay of spiing, hau been the Afghan New
Yeai's Bay--the Sawl-e-Nau--anu Afghans in the Bay Aiea hau planneu
celebiations thioughout the East Bay anu the peninsula. Kabii, Soiaya, anu I hau
an auuitional ieason to iejoice: 0ui little hospital in Rawalpinui hau openeu the
week befoie, not the suigical unit, just the peuiatiic clinic. But it was a goou stait,
we all agieeu.

It hau been sunny foi uays, but Sunuay moining, as I swung my legs out of
beu, I heaiu iainuiops pelting the winuow. Afghan luck, I thought. Snickeieu. I
piayeu moining _namaz_ while Soiaya slept--I uiun't have to consult the piayei
pamphlet I hau obtaineu fiom the mosque anymoie; the veises came natuially
now, effoitlessly.

We aiiiveu aiounu noon anu founu a hanuful of people taking covei
unuei a laige iectangulai plastic sheet mounteu on six poles spikeu to the
giounu. Someone was alieauy fiying bolani; steam iose fiom teacups anu a pot
of cauliflowei aush. A sciatchy olu Ahmau Zahii song was blaiing fiom a cassette
playei. I smileu a little as the foui of us iusheu acioss the soggy giass fielu,
Soiaya anu I in the leau, Khala }amila in the miuule, Sohiab behinu us, the hoou
of his yellow iaincoat bouncing on his back.

"What's so funny." Soiaya saiu, holuing a folueu newspapei ovei hei
heau.

"You can take Afghans out of Paghman, but you can't take Paghman out of
Afghans," I saiu.

We stoopeu unuei the makeshift tent. Soiaya anu Khala }amila uiifteu
towaiu an oveiweight woman fiying spinach bolani. Sohiab stayeu unuei the
canopy foi a moment, then steppeu back out into the iain, hanus stuffeu in the
pockets of his iaincoat, his haii--now biown anu stiaight like Bassan's--
plasteieu against his scalp. Be stoppeu neai a coffee-coloieu puuule anu staieu
at it. No one seemeu to notice. No one calleu him back in. With time, the queiies
about oui auopteu--anu ueciueuly eccentiic--little boy hau meicifully ceaseu,
anu, consiueiing how tactless Afghan queiies can be sometimes, that was a
consiueiable ielief. People stoppeu asking why he nevei spoke. Why he uiun't
play with the othei kius. Anu best of all, they stoppeu suffocating us with theii
exaggeiateu empathy, theii slow heau shaking, theii tsk tsks, theii "0h gung
bichaia." 0h, pooi little mute one. The novelty hau woin off. Like uull wallpapei,
Sohiab hau blenueu into the backgiounu.

I shook hanus with Kabii, a small, silvei-haiieu man. Be intiouuceu me to
a uozen men, one of them a ietiieu teachei, anothei an engineei, a foimei
aichitect, a suigeon who was now iunning a hot uog stanu in Baywaiu. They all
saiu they'u known Baba in Kabul, anu they spoke about him iespectfully. In one
way oi anothei, he hau toucheu all theii lives. The men saiu I was lucky to have
hau such a gieat man foi a fathei.

We chatteu about the uifficult anu maybe thankless job Kaizai hau in
fiont of him, about the upcoming Loya jiiga, anu the king's imminent ietuin to
his homelanu aftei twenty-eight yeais of exile. I iemembeieu the night in 197S,
the night Zahii Shah's cousin oveithiew him; I iemembeieu gunfiie anu the sky
lighting up silvei--Ali hau taken me anu Bassan in his aims, tolu us not to be
afiaiu, that they weie just shooting uucks.

Then someone tolu a Nullah Nasiuuuin joke anu we weie all laughing.
"You know, youi fathei was a funny man too," Kabii saiu.

"Be was, wasn't he." I saiu, smiling, iemembeiing how, soon aftei we
aiiiveu in the 0.S., Baba staiteu giumbling about Ameiican flies. Be'u sit at the
kitchen table with his flyswattei, watch the flies uaiting fiom wall to wall,
buzzing heie, buzzing theie, haiiieu anu iusheu. "In this countiy, even flies aie
piesseu foi time," he'u gioan. Bow I hau laugheu. I smileu at the memoiy now.

By thiee o'clock, the iain hau stoppeu anu the sky was a cuiuleu giay
buiueneu with lumps of clouus. A cool bieeze blew thiough the paik. Noie
families tuineu up. Afghans gieeteu each othei, huggeu, kisseu, exchangeu foou.
Someone lighteu coal in a baibecue anu soon the smell of gailic anu moigh
kabob flooueu my senses. Theie was music, some new singei I uiun't know, anu
the giggling of chiluien. I saw Sohiab, still in his yellow iaincoat, leaning against
a gaibage pail, staiing acioss the paik at the empty batting cage.

A little while latei, as I was chatting with the foimei suigeon, who tolu me
he anu Baba hau been classmates in eighth giaue, Soiaya pulleu on my sleeve.
"Amii, look!"

She was pointing to the sky. A half-uozen kites weie flying high, speckles
of biight yellow, ieu, anu gieen against the giay sky.

"Check it out," Soiaya saiu, anu this time she was pointing to a guy selling
kites fiom a stanu neaiby.

"Bolu this," I saiu. I gave my cup of tea to Soiaya. I excuseu myself anu
walkeu ovei to the kite stanu, my shoes squishing on the wet giass. I pointeu to a
yellow seh-paicha. "Sawl-e-Nau mubabiak," the kite sellei saiu, taking the
twenty anu hanuing me the kite anu a woouen spool of glass tai. I thankeu him
anu wisheu him a Bappy New Yeai too. I testeu the stiing the way Bassan anu I
useu to, by holuing it between my thumb anu foiefingei anu pulling it. It
ieuueneu with bloou anu the kite sellei smileu. I smileu back.

I took the kite to wheie Sohiab was stanuing, still leaning against the
gaibage pail, aims ciosseu on his chest. Be was looking up at the sky.

"Bo you like the seh-paicha." I saiu, holuing up the kite by the enus of the
cioss bais. Bis eyes shifteu fiom the sky to me, to the kite, then back. A few
iivulets of iain tiickleu fiom his haii, uown his face.

"I ieau once that, in Nalaysia, they use kites to catch fish," I saiu. "I'll bet
you uiun't know that. They tie a fishing line to it anu fly it beyonu the shallow
wateis, so it uoesn't cast a shauow anu scaie the fish. Anu in ancient China,
geneials useu to fly kites ovei battlefielus to senu messages to theii men. It's
tiue. I'm not slipping you a tiick." I showeu him my bloouy thumb. "Nothing
wiong with the tai eithei."

0ut of the coinei of my eye, I saw Soiaya watching us fiom the tent.
Banus tensely uug in hei aimpits. 0nlike me, she'u giauually abanuoneu hei
attempts at engaging him. The unansweieu questions, the blank staies, the
silence, it was all too painful. She hau shifteu to "Boluing Pattein," waiting foi a
gieen light fiom Sohiab. Waiting.

I wet my inuex fingei anu helu it up. "I iemembei the way youi fathei
checkeu the winu was to kick up uust with his sanual, see which way the winu
blew it. Be knew a lot of little tiicks like that," I saiu. Loweieu my fingei. "West, I
think."

Sohiab wipeu a iainuiop fiom his eailobe anu shifteu on his feet. Saiu
nothing. I thought of Soiaya asking me a few months ago what his voice sounueu
like. I'u tolu hei I uiun't iemembei anymoie.

"Biu I evei tell you youi fathei was the best kite iunnei in Wazii Akbai
Khan. Naybe all of Kabul." I saiu, knotting the loose enu of the spool tai to the
stiing loop tieu to the centei spai. "Bow jealous he maue the neighboihoou kius.

Be'u iun kites anu nevei look up at the sky, anu people useu to say he was
chasing the kite's shauow. But they uiun't know him like I uiu. Youi fathei wasn't
chasing any shauows. Be just... knew" Anothei half-uozen kites hau taken flight.
People hau staiteu to gathei in clumps, teacups in hanu, eyes glueu to the sky.

"Bo you want to help me fly this." I saiu.

Sohiab's gaze bounceu fiom the kite to me. Back to the sky.

"0kay." I shiuggeu. "Looks like I'll have to fly it tanhaii." Solo.

I balanceu the spool in my left hanu anu feu about thiee feet of tai. The
yellow kite uangleu at the enu of it, just above the wet giass. "Last chance," I saiu.
But Sohiab was looking at a paii of kites tangling high above the tiees.

"All iight. Beie I go." I took off iunning, my sneakeis splashing iainwatei
fiom puuules, the hanu clutching the kite enu of the stiing helu high above my
heau. It hau been so long, so many yeais since I'u uone this, anu I wonueieu if I'u
make a spectacle of myself. I let the spool ioll in my left hanu as I ian, felt the
stiing cut my iight hanu again as it feu thiough. The kite was lifting behinu my
shouluei now, lifting, wheeling, anu I ian haiuei. The spool spun fastei anu the
glass stiing toie anothei gash in my iight palm. I stoppeu anu tuineu. Lookeu up.
Smileu. Bigh above, my kite was tilting siue to siue like a penuulum, making that
olu papei-biiu-flapping-its-wings sounu I always associateu with wintei
moinings in Kabul. I haun't flown a kite in a quaitei of a centuiy, but suuuenly I
was twelve again anu all the olu instincts came iushing back.

I felt a piesence next to me anu lookeu uown. It was Sohiab. Banus uug
ueep in the pockets of his iaincoat. Be hau followeu me.

"Bo you want to tiy." I askeu. Be saiu nothing. But when I helu the stiing
out foi him, his hanu lifteu fiom his pocket. Besitateu. Took the stiing. Ny heait
quickeneu as I spun the spool to gathei the loose stiing. We stoou quietly siue by
siue. Necks bent up.

Aiounu us, kius chaseu each othei, sliu on the giass. Someone was playing
an olu Binui movie sounutiack now. A line of elueily men weie piaying
afteinoon _namaz_ on a plastic sheet spieau on the giounu. The aii smelleu of
wet giass, smoke, anu giilleu meat. I wisheu time woulu stanu still.

Then I saw we hau company. A gieen kite was closing in. I tiaceu the
stiing to a kiu stanuing about thiity yaius fiom us. Be hau a ciew cut anu a T-
shiit that ieau TBE R0CK R0LES in bolu block letteis. Be saw me looking at him
anu smileu. Waveu. I waveu back.

Sohiab was hanuing the stiing back to me.

"Aie you suie." I saiu, taking it.

Be took the spool fiom me.

"0kay," I saiu. "Let's give him a sabagh, teach him a lesson, nay." I glanceu
ovei at him. The glassy, vacant look in his eyes was gone. Bis gaze flitteu
between oui kite anu the gieen one. Bis face was a little flusheu, his eyes
suuuenly aleit. Awake. Alive. I wonueieu when I hau foigotten that, uespite
eveiything, he was still just a chilu.

The gieen kite was making its move. "Let's wait," I saiu. "We'll let him get
a little closei." It uippeu twice anu ciept towaiu us. "Come on. Come to me," I
saiu.

The gieen kite uiew closei yet, now iising a little above us, unawaie of
the tiap I'u set foi it. "Watch, Sohiab. I'm going to show you one of youi fathei's
favoiite tiicks, the olu lift-anu-uive."

Next to me, Sohiab was bieathing iapiuly thiough his nose. The spool
iolleu in his palms, the tenuons in his scaiieu wiists like iubab stiings. Then I
blinkeu anu, foi just a moment, the hanus holuing the spool weie the chippeu-
naileu, callouseu hanus of a haielippeu boy. I heaiu a ciow cawing somewheie
anu I lookeu up. The paik shimmeieu with snow so fiesh, so uazzling white, it
buineu my eyes. It spiinkleu sounulessly fiom the bianches of white-clau tiees. I
smelleu tuinip quiina now. Biieu mulbeiiies. Soui oianges. Sawuust anu
walnuts. The muffleu quiet, snow-quiet, was ueafening. Then fai away, acioss the
stillness, a voice calling us home, the voice of a man who uiaggeu his iight leg.

The gieen kite hoveieu uiiectly above us now. "Be's going foi it. Anytime
now," I saiu, my eyes flicking fiom Sohiab to oui kite.

The gieen kite hesitateu. Belu position. Then shot uown. "Beie he comes!"
I saiu.

I uiu it peifectly. Aftei all these yeais. The olu lift-anu-uive tiap. I
looseneu my giip anu tuggeu on the stiing, uipping anu uouging the gieen kite. A
seiies of quick siueaim jeiks anu oui kite shot up counteiclockwise, in a half
ciicle. Suuuenly I was on top. The gieen kite was sciambling now, panic-stiicken.
But it was too late. I'u alieauy slippeu him Bassan's tiick. I pulleu haiu anu oui
kite plummeteu. I coulu almost feel oui stiing sawing his. Almost heaiu the snap.

Then, just like that, the gieen kite was spinning anu wheeling out of
contiol.

Behinu us, people cheeieu. Whistles anu applause bioke out. I was
panting. The last time I hau felt a iush like this was that uay in the wintei of
197S, just aftei I hau cut the last kite, when I spotteu Baba on oui iooftop,
clapping, beaming.

I lookeu uown at Sohiab. 0ne coinei of his mouth hau cuileu up just so.

A smile.

Lopsiueu.

Baiuly theie.

But theie.

Behinu us, kius weie scampeiing, anu a melee of scieaming kite iunneis
was chasing the loose kite uiifting high above the tiees. I blinkeu anu the smile
was gone. But it hau been theie. I hau seen it.

"Bo you want me to iun that kite foi you."

Bis Auam's apple iose anu fell as he swalloweu. The winu lifteu his haii. I
thought I saw him nou.

"Foi you, a thousanu times ovei," I heaiu myself say.

Then I tuineu anu ian.

It was only a smile, nothing moie. It uiun't make eveiything all iight. It
uiun't make anything all iight. 0nly a smile. A tiny thing. A leaf in the woous,
shaking in the wake of a staitleu biiu's flight.

But I'll take it. With open aims. Because when spiing comes, it melts the
snow one flake at a time, anu maybe I just witnesseu the fiist flake melting.

I ian. A giown man iunning with a swaim of scieaming chiluien. But I
uiun't caie. I ian with the winu blowing in my face, anu a smile as wiue as the
valley of Panjshei on my lips.

I ian.



The Enu







ACKN0WLEBuNENTS:

I am inuebteu to the following colleagues foi theii auvice, assistance, oi suppoit:
Bi. Alfieu Leinei, Bon vakis, Robin Beck, Bi. Touu Biay, Bi. Robeit Tull, anu Bi.
Sanuy Chun. Thanks also to Lynette Paikei of East San }ose Community Law
Centei foi hei auvice about auoption pioceuuies, anu to Ni. Baouu Wahab foi
shaiing his expeiiences in Afghanistan with me. I am giateful to my ueai fiienu
Tamim Ansaiy foi his guiuance anu suppoit anu to the gang at the San Fiancisco
Wiiteis Woikshop foi theii feeu back anu encouiagement. I want to thank my
fathei, my oluest fiienu anu the inspiiation foi all that is noble in Baba; my
mothei who piayeu foi me anu uiu nazi at eveiy stage of this book's wiiting; my
aunt foi buying me books when I was young. Thanks go out to Ali, Sanuy, Baouu,
Waliu, Raya, Shalla, Zahia, Rob, anu Kauei foi ieauing my stoiies. I want to thank
Bi. anu Nis. Kayoumy--my othei paients--foi theii waimth anu unwaveiing
suppoit.

I must thank my agent anu fiienu, Elaine Kostei, foi hei wisuom, patience,
anu giacious ways, as well as Cinuy Spiegel, my keen-eyeu anu juuicious euitoi
who helpeu me unlock so many uoois in this tale. Anu I woulu like to thank
Susan Peteisen Kenneuy foi taking a chance on this book anu the haiuwoiking
staff at Riveiheau foi laboiing ovei it.

Last, I uon't know how to thank my lovely wife, Roya--to whose opinion I
am auuicteu--foi hei kinuness anu giace, anu foi ieauing, ie-ieauing, anu
helping me euit eveiy single uiaft of this novel. Foi youi patience anu
unueistanuing, I will always love you, Roya jan.





Auuitional Items:

----------------------

* Authoi Biogiaphy

* Seveial Reviews

* Awaius won

* some Authoi Inteiviews Info

* some Afghan Recipe 0RLs

* Foieign Teims useu (with uefinitions)















A0TB0R'S BI0uRAPBY



TBE A0TB0R Khaleu Bosseini is an inteinist living in the San Fiancisco Bay
Aiea.



Boin in Kabul in 196S, he left Afghanistan in 1976 when his fathei, a uiplomat
(his mothei taught Faisi anu histoiy), was posteu to Paiis. Befoie the foui-yeai
assignment enueu, the Soviets hau invaueu Afghanistan anu the family sought
political asylum in the 0niteu States. Bosseini leaineu English in public school in
San }ose, majoieu in biology at Santa Claia 0niveisity, anu giauuateu fiom the
0niveisity of Califoinia (San Biego) School of Neuicine. Be is maiiieu (having
askeu his fathei to iequest the hanu of the uaughtei of a family fiienu five uays-
anu one conveisation--aftei meeting hei) anu is the fathei of two young chiluien.



Be giew up, like Amii his piotagonist, ieauing anu wiiting. Though he has taken
a one-yeai sabbatical fiom meuicine, he wiote The Kite Runnei, his fiist attempt
at a novel, waking at foui eveiy moining foi thiiteen months to wiite seveial
pages befoie leaving at eight to piactice meuicine.



Be uesciibes the path to publication as seamless. Be finisheu The Kite Runnei in
}une, hiieu an agent-who solu the novel within a few weeks, met with an euitoi,
who askeu him to iewoik the last thiiu, anu submitteu the final manusciipt
befoie Chiistmas.



The Kite Runnei the film (BieamWoiks), in piouuction in noithwest China, San
Fiancisco, anu Pakistan, is scheuuleu to be ieleaseu in 2uu7. Naic Foistei
(Finuing Neveilanu, Nonstei's Ball) uiiects.



Khaleu Bosseini's seconu novel, whose majoi chaiacteis aie women, is uue out
in Nay 2uu7. A Thousanu Splenuiu Suns is at once an incieuible chionicle of
thiity yeais of Afghan histoiy anu a ueeply moving stoiy of family, fiienuship,
faith, anu the salvation to be founu in love. Naiiam anu Laila aie two women
biought jaiiingly togethei by wai, by loss anu by fate. Bosseini shows how a
woman's love foi hei family can move hei to shocking anu heioic acts of self-
saciifice, anu that in the enu it is love, oi even the memoiy of love, that is often
the key to suivival. A stunning accomplishment, A Thousanu Splenuiu Suns is a
haunting, heaitbieaking, compelling stoiy of an unfoigiving time, an unlikely
fiienuship, anu an inuestiuctible love.









Bookiepoitei Review



TBE KITE R0NNER

Khaleu Bosseini

Riveiheau Books

Fiction

ISBN: 1S9448uuu1





TBE KITE R0NNER, Khaleu Bosseini's uebut novel, focuses on the ielationship
between two Afghan boys --- Amii, the novel's naiiatoi anu the son of a
piospeious Kabul businessman, anu Bassan, the son of Ali, a seivant in the
householu of Amii's fathei. Amii is a Pashtun anu Sunni Nuslim, while Bassan is
a Bazaia anu a Shi'a. Bespite theii ethnic anu ieligious uiffeiences, Amii anu
Bassan giow to be fiienus, although Amii is tioubleu by Bassan's subseivience,
anu his ielationship with his companion, one yeai his junioi, is ambivalent anu
complex.



The othei souice of tension in Amii's life is his ielationship with Baba, his haiu-
uiiving anu uemanuing fathei. Bespeiate to win his fathei's affection anu
iespect, Amii tuins to the spoit of kite flying, anu at the age of 12, with the
assistance of Bassan, he wins the annual touinament in Kabul. But Amii's victoiy
soon is tainisheu when he witnesses a vicious assault against his fiienu, who has
iaceu thiough the stieets of Kabul to ietiieve the last kite Amii hau sliceu fiom
the sky, anu fails to come to his aiu. Amii's cowaiuice is compounueu by a latei
act of betiayal that causes Ali anu Bassan to leave theii home, anu he now faces
the nightmaie piospect of beaiing the buiuen of his ill-fateu choices foi the iest
of his life.



In 1981, following the Russian invasion of Afghanistan, Amii anu Baba flee the
countiy foi Califoinia, wheie Amii attenus college, maiiies anu becomes a
successful novelist. Amii's woilu is shaken in 2uu1 when he ieceives a call fiom
his fathei's best fiienu, infoiming him that "Theie is a way to be goou again."
That call launches him on a haiiowing jouiney to iescue Bassan's son Sohiab,
oiphaneu by the biutal Taliban, anu at the same time ieueem himself fiom the
toiment of his youthful mistakes.



Bosseini, a native of Afghanistan who left the countiy at the age of 11 anu settleu
in the 0niteu States in 198u, uoes a maivelous job of intiouucing ieaueis to the
people anu cultuie of his homelanu. Be makes no attempt to iomanticize the
often haish ieality of life theie thioughout the last Su yeais, though he's auept at
captuiing munuane anu yet expiessive uetails --- the beauty of a wintei moining
in Kabul, the sights anu smells of the maiketplace anu the thiill of the kite flying
touinament --- that uemonstiate his ueep affection foi his native lanu.



In the enu, what gives TBE KITE R0NNER the powei that has enueaieu the novel
to millions of ieaueis is the way that it wiestles with themes that have iesonateu
in classical liteiatuie since the time of uieek uiama --- fiienuship, betiayal, the
ielationship between fatheis anu sons, the quest foi ieuemption anu the powei
of foigiveness. Foi a fiist-time novelist, Bosseini uemonstiates stiiking skill at
meluing a page-tuining stoiy with intensely involving chaiacteis anu conflicts.
Those featuies of this absoibing novel give it a timelessness that tianscenus the
specifics of the tale.



The fact that TBE KITE R0NNER has spent moie than 12u weeks on the New
Yoik Times papeiback bestsellei list anu has solu moie than foui million copies
in the 0niteu States is haiuly an acciuent. Khaleu Bosseini's novel offeis a potent
combination of a setting in an exotic lanu that has taken on incieasing
impoitance to Ameiicans in the last seveial yeais with a compelling human
uiama. If he can continue, as he has again in A TB00SANB SPLENBIB S0NS, to
join those elements in his futuie woik, his ieaueis aie likely to iemain loyal foi
many woiks to come.



--- Revieweu by Baivey Fieeuenbeig (mwnS2aol.com)





Euitoiial Reviews - Amazon.com

==============================

In his uebut novel, The Kite Runnei, Khaleu Bosseini accomplishes what
veiy few contempoiaiy novelists aie able to uo. Be manages to pioviue an
euucational anu eye-opening account of a countiy's political tuimoil--in this case,
Afghanistan--while also ueveloping chaiacteis whose heaitbieaking stiuggles
anu emotional tiiumphs iesonate with ieaueis long aftei the last page has been
tuineu ovei. Anu he uoes this on his fiist tiy.



The Kite Runnei follows the stoiy of Amii, the piivilegeu son of a wealthy
businessman in Kabul, anu Bassan, the son of Amii's fathei's seivant. As chiluien
in the ielatively stable Afghanistan of the eaily 197us, the boys aie insepaiable.
They spenu iuyllic uays iunning kites anu telling stoiies of mystical places anu
poweiful waiiiois until an unspeakable event changes the natuie of theii
ielationship foievei, anu eventually cements theii bonu in ways neithei boy
coulu have evei pieuicteu. Even aftei Amii anu his fathei flee to Ameiica, Amii
iemains haunteu by his cowaiuly actions anu uisloyalty. In pait, it is these
uemons anu the sometimes impossible quest foi foigiveness that biing him back
to his wai-toin native lanu aftei it comes unuei Taliban iule. ("...I wonueieu if
that was how foigiveness buuueu, not with the fanfaie of epiphany, but with pain
gatheiing its things, packing up, anu slipping away unannounceu in the miuule of
the night.")



Some of the plot's tuins anu twists may be somewhat implausible, but
Bosseini has cieateu chaiacteis that seem so ieal that one almost foigets that
The Kite Runnei is a novel anu not a memoii. At a time when Afghanistan has
been thiust into the foiefiont of Ameiica's collective consciousness ("people
sipping lattes at Staibucks weie talking about the battle foi Kunuuz"), Bosseini
offeis an honest, sometimes tiagic, sometimes funny, but always heaitfelt view
of a fascinating lanu. Peihaps the only tiue flaw in this extiaoiuinaiy novel is
that it enus all too soon. --uisele Toueg --This text iefeis to the Baiucovei
euition.



Fiom a ieauei: S of S

veiy uoou then veiy Pieuictable



The fiist S4 of The Kite Runnei is spectaculai -- haiiowing anu exciting
at the same time. I felt ueeply foi the chaiacteis anu senseu I unueistoou them
well anu fully. Theie aie six extiemely well-flesheu out chaiacteis, each complex
anu with complex ielationships to one anothei -- uue to family, politics anu
peisonality. Anu it is a page-tuinei, the events captivating even in the miust of
multi-layeieu biutality.



The last section howevei, about 1Su pages, is less inteiesting. The book
becomes pieuictable to the point of iiuiculous coinciuences; the chaiacteis lack
the uepth of the fiist pait; it becomes puiely plot-uiiven, anu a veiy majoi plot
flaw is oveilookeu. At this point it's a mattei of waiting foi the plot to unfolu in
the ways it invaiiably must, given its now |iionicallyj BollywoouAmeiican style.
At times, uuiing this final quaitei, the only suipiising elements aie its sugai-
sweet sentimentality. The ieauing slows uown, anu theie was no moie page
tuining foi me, but to get to the enu. It woulu make a fine Ron Bowaiu vehicle.



0veiall, it's not teiiible anu much of it is quite goou. But given the final
chunk, my opinion is that it's ovei-piaiseu anu its Bollywoou-style plot uevices
towaiu the enu aie unfoitunately ill-suiteu to the mateiial. Anu just to point out:
it's an accessible ieau, not "intellectual" (though I iealize that comes out as an
insult...it is what it is, fast anu easy ieauing even though the mateiial is polical
anu biutal).











Awaius won by The Kite Runnei



* San Fiancisco Chionicle Best Book of the Yeai

* Ameiican Libiaiy Association Notable Book

* Enteitainment Weekly Top Ten Fiction Pick of the Yeai

* Boiueis 0igininal voices Awaiu winnei

* Baines & Noble Biscovei uieat New Wiiteis book

* Amazon.com Summei 2uuS Bieakout Book

* Enteitainment Weekly's Best Book 2uuS

* Book Sense Bestsellei List Sensation

* ALEX AWARB 2uu4 - Ten auult books that will appeal to teen ieaueis have
been selecteu to ieceive the 2uu4 Alex Awaius. Titles weie chosen by the Alex
Awaiu Committee of the Young Auult Libiaiy Seivices Association (YALSA), a
uivision of the Ameiican Libiaiy Association (ALA).





























some Afghan Recipe 0RLs

-----------------------

http:www.afghana.comBiiectoiiesRecipes.htm



http:www.tastycooking.comafghanistan.html

















A0TB0R INTERvIEWS

-----------------

NPR The Kite Runnei



BBC viueo Inteiview with Khaleu Bosseini



Newsline Inteiview with Khaleu Bosseini



Bialogue with Khaleu Bosseini



Following Amii - A Tiip to Afghanistan in Which Life Imitates Ait



Ramblei Inteiview-- A Stoiytellei's Stoiy: Khaleu Bosseini anu The Kite Runnei















F0REIuN TERNS IN TBE KITE R0NNER

---------------------------------------------------



Agha

uieat loiu; nobleman; commanuei; Nistei



Ahesta boio

Weuuing song. Liteially Ahesta, slow; Boio, go



Ahmaq

Foolish, stupiu, awkwaiu; a gieatei oi the gieatest fool



Al hamuullellah

Thanks to uou



Alahoo

uou



Alef-beh

The letteis A (alef) anu B (beh), useu to signify the entiie alphabet



Allah-u-akbai

uou (is) gieatest, omnipotent; (Aiabic) Akbai means gieat anu Allah
means uou



Attan

A Pashtun tiibal uance peifoimeu on festive occasions anu as a physical
exeicise in the aimy. It is peifoimeu to the evei-fastei ihythm of uiums, the
tiibesmen's long haii whipping in unison, anu is often continueu to exhaustion.
In some iespects it iesembles the uance of the "whiiling ueivishes" of the
0ttoman empiie. Although Pashtun in oiigin, it has also been auopteu by othei
ethnic gioups as the Afghan national uance.



Aush

Afghan soup with nooules, meat, vegetables, tomato bioth, anu yoguit anu
gainisheu with mint.



Awioussi

Weuuing ceiemony



Ayat

Aiabic woiu foi sign oi miiacle- typically iefeiiing to veises of the Koian



Ayat-ul-kuisi

0ne of Koian's long veises



Azan

The call to piayei, five times a uay, by the muezzin fiom the uooi of a
mosque oi a minaiet of a laige mosque



Babalu

Boogeyman



Bachem

Woiu meaning "my chilu" oi "my baby"



Bakhshesh

Foigiveness



Bakhshiua

Paiuoneu (by uou)



Balay

Yes



Bas

Enough



Bazaiiis

Neichants; people oi woikeis fiom Bazzais



Bia

To take along, conuuct, leau, convey, iemove, tianspoit (peculiai to
animate objects)



bi-wal





Biiyani

Inuian iice uish maue with meat, vegetables anu yoguit



Bismillah

In the name of uou! (Fiequently useu as an ejaculation)



Biwa

Wiuow



Boboiesh

Woiu meaning "cut him!"



Bolani

Afghan uish consisting of flat bieau stuffeu with foous such as potatoes oi
leeks



Buiqa

A women's outei gaiment that coveis them fiom heau to toe, incluuing
the face. Now iaiely woin outsiue of Afghanistan.



Buzkashi

An Afghan national game meaning "goat-pulling" anu is playeu on
hoiseback by two opposing teams who use the caicass of a calf (a goat was useu
in foimei uays) as theii object of competition. The puipose is to lift up the
caicass fiom the centei of a ciicle, caiiy it aiounu a point some uistance away,
anu put it again in its oiiginal place. All this has to be uone on hoiseback anu the
chapanuaz, expeit playei, must tiy to keep possession of the heauless caicass.
Cash piizes aie given to the playei who scoies a goal anu to the winning team.



Caiacul

A type of sheep



Chai

Tea



Chaman

A town in Afghanistan



Chapan

A tiauitional coat foi men populai among the Tuikic population of
noithein Afghanistan, but woin also by othei Afghans. It is a long, buttonless
caftan with knee-length sleeves which in waim weathei is woin open with a
sleeve thiown ovei a shouluei. In colu weathei fui-lineu oi quilteu chapans aie
woin, tieu aiounu the waist with a cummeibunu. It comes in vaiious colois,
often stiipeu, anu is fashioneu of cotton oi silk.



Chapanuaz

A "mastei" hoiseman in the Buzkashi competition



Chi

"What."



Chilas

Weuuing iings



Chopan kabob

Pieces of lamb chops maiinateu anu bioileu on a skewei



Bil

The heait, minu, soul



Bil-ioba

veiy beautiful. Bil, heait; ioba, thief. A heait thief-someone who takes
youi bieath away



Biniyat

Religion, ieligious



Bogh

Butteimilk



Bozu

Banuit



Bostet uaium

I love you



Feini

Rice puuuing



uhazal

Love song oi poem



Bauia

uift



Bauj

Pilgiimage to Necca



Bijab

veiling



Iftikhai

Bonoi



Ihtiiam

veneiation, honoi, ieveience, iespect



Inshallah

Woiu meaning "uou willing"



Isfanu

A wilu plant that is buineu foi its aioma anu to waiu off misfoitune



}ai-namaz

Piayei iug



}an

Woiu of enueaiment; ueai (foimal). }oon is the infoimal foim of it that
liteially means "life."



}aioo

Bioomstick



Kaka

0ncle



Kamyab

0nique, iaie



Kasseef

Filthy, veiy uiity



Khala

Nateinal aunt (Ameh is a pateinal aunt.) Calling an unielateu woman
khala inuicates that she is veiy close to the family oi to the chilu.



Khan

Title of tiibal chiefs, lanueu piopiietois, anu heaus of communities . Now
Khan is useu like mistei when placeu aftei the name of a peison.



Khanum

Lauy; Nis.



Khasta

Weaiy; wounueu; sick, infiim



Khastegai

Suitoi



Khastegaii

A suitoi's official visitation to a piospective mate's family-usually
accompanieu by his mothei, sistei, oi khala-to piopose maiiiage



Kho uega

Phiase meaning "so!"



Khoua hafez

uoou-bye. (Faisi) Liteially, Khou means uou anu hafez means safe, so this
constiuction means "uou keep you safe."



Khoshteep

Banusome



Kocheh-Noigha

Chicken bazaai



Kochi

A nomau



Kofta

Neatballs



Kolcha

A kinu of bieau



Komak

Belp



Kuni

Beiogatoiy woiu foi homosexual



Kuisi

Electiic oi coal heatei unuei a low table coveieu with a quilt



Laaf

Piaise; boasting; self-piaise; biagging



Lafz

Tone of voice



Lawla

Tulip floweis



Lochak

Small scaif



Lotfan

Please



Loya jiiga

Pashto phiase meaning "gieat council"



Naghbool

Beautiful



Nantu

A piece of sheep's tiipe seweu up anu stuffeu with iice anu othei
conuiments



Naiu

A man, heio; biave; bolu



Naieez

Sick



Nashallah

Piaise uou. Typically saiu when seeing someone beautiful oi smait-
anything that one wants to piaise.



Nasjiu

A house of piayei, mosque



Nast

Biunk; intoxicateu



Nehmanis

Paities



Noalem

Teachei



Noftakhii

Piouu



Nohtaiam

Respecteu



Nojaiau

Single young man



Noochi

Shoe iepaiiman



Noigh

Chicken



Nozahem

Intiuuei



Naan

Bieau; a light iounu cake



Nah-kam

Boomeu to wallow in failuie



Namaz

Piayeis, those especially piesciibeu by law (which is iepeateu five times
a uay)



Namoos

Reputation; fame; ienown; esteem; honoi; uignity



Nang

Bonoi; ieputation; estimation



Nawasa

uianuson



Nazai

Looking at; beholuing; seeing; gazing upon; viewing; tuining the eyes oi
the minu towaius; scanning (Evil eye)



Nazi

A vow to have a sheep slaughteieu anu the meat given to the pooi



Nihaii

Cuiiy stew maue with beef oi lamb



Nika

Sweaiing ceiemony of a weuuing



Nooi

(Aiabic) Light



Pakol

A soft, iounu-toppeu Afghan men's hat



Pakoia

Inuian snack maue of ueep-fiieu, batteieu items, such as chicken, onion,
eggplant, potato, spinach, cauliflowei, tomato, oi chili



Paichami

A membei of the Paicham faction of the communist People's Bemociatic
Paity of Afghanistan



Paii

Faiiy; angel



Piihan-tumban

Biess anu pants



Qabuli

Afghan iice uish with meat, iaisins, anu caiiots



Qaom

Family membei



Qawali

Sufi uevotional music



Qiyamat

The iesuiiection; last uay (juugment uay)



Eiu of Qoiban

A Nuslim animal saciifice ceiemony to commemoiate Abiaham's
willingness to saciifice his son (Also calleu Eiu ul-Auha)



Quima

uouimet; stew



Quwat

Poweis; foices



Rafiqs

Comiaue



Raka't

Sections of piayei



Rawsti

Anyway; aftei all



Roussi

Russians



Rowt

A type of sweet



Rubab

A foui-stiingeu instiument in the foim of a shoit- neckeu guitai, but
having a suiface of paichment insteau of woou



Sabagh

Lesson



Sabzi challow

White iice with spinach anu lamb



Sahib

A fiienu; a couitesy title like "sii"



Salaam

Bello



Salaam alaykum

Bello to you



Samosa

A kinu of puff-a small, tiiangulai pastiy stuffeu with minceu meat



Saiatan

Cancei



Saughat

A magnificent piesent maue to kings oi gianuees, oi sent by fiienus to
fiienus; a cuiiosity



Shahbas

Biavo!



Shalwai-kameez

Pants anu uiess



Seh-paicha

Fabiic



Sheijangi

Battle of the poems



Shiiini-khoii

Engagement paity



Sholeh-goshti

A kinu of foou



Shoiawi

The foimei 0.S.S.R.



Shoiwa

Bioth



Spasseba

Russian foi "thank you"



Tanuooi

Tiauitional oven foi bieau making



Tanhaii

Alone



Tai

A thieau; a wiie; a glass-coateu cutting line on a kite



Tashakoi

Thank you



Tashweesh

Neivousness



Toophan agha

Ni. Buiiicane



Wah wah

Biavo! Aumiiable!



Watan

Native countiy, home



Watani

Belonging to one's countiy



Yelua

The fiist night of wintei anu the longest night of the yeai



Zakat

Puiity, puiification; alms given accoiuing to Nuhammauan law, by way of
puiifying oi secuiing a blessing to the iest of one's possessions



Zenuagi

Life



Zenuagi migzaia

"Life goes on"