CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE PREPARATION PROGRAM (MPP) The intention is that the MPP is undertaken as part of service to the Church,

a means of formation for the engaged couple and a means of apostolate. This paper can also be read in conjunction with another paper titled Marriage Program also on SCR !". The CFC MPP is based on the following !e"ise# $. The MPP is intended to provide the couple with a basic understanding of what marriage means and entails. %owever, much more will need to be learned as the& live out their married life. '. Most couples do not reall& encounter serious problems during the earl& stages of their marriage. %owever, man& couples ma& encounter stress and difficulties, often times serious and within a few &ears time. (. )hat is thus crucial for man& couples is not so much pre*marriage counselling, but rather post*marriage formation and pastoral support. +. The MPP as just the first part of a total support package for married couples.

Ob#e$ti%es ,s such, the objectives of the MPP are as follows# $. To prepare the engaged couple for the initial stage of their new life together.

'. To develop a personal relationship with the engaged couple such that their confidence is won and their interest for more continual formation and pastoral support is encouraged. Content The MPP is divided into - separate sessions, as follows# $. '. (. +. -. Christian Marriage. The Christian Couple. Communication in Marriage. The Christian .amil&. /e&s to Successful Marriage and .amil& 0ife.

Methodolog& There are three basic wa&s of conducting the MPP# $. '. (. 1n a couple*to*couple basis. ,s a seminar for a larger group in a parish setting. ,s a weekend retreat.

The first wa& ma& be the most practical arrangement with the MPP being undertaken in a home and famil& environment. 1ther advantage of the first method are the following# $. The approach is ver& personal, with full attention given just to the one couple.

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There is a greater opportunit& for married couple to speak about their own e2perience, in a ver& natural setting.

(. t provides the opportunit& for more parish couples to get involved as an important service to the Church. +. There is a great deal of fle2ibilit& in starting program. 3ou do not have to wait to gather a group and agreeing on schedules. 3ou onl& have to deal with the time availabilit& of one couple. The second method involves a group of engaged couples coming together for formal sessions, usuall& held in the parish compound. n this case, the persons leading the MPP will give the talk, then followed b& small group sharing4discussion facilitated b& other members of the parish. The third method is a sta&*in weekend retreat. , distinct advantage of this is an atmosphere that is more pra&erful and more conducive to learning. , disadvantage is the cost involved and the necessar& organisation and arrangements that have to be put in place. S$!i t'!e Man& scripture passages are referred to in the presentations. There is deliberate emphasis to present the whole area of marriage as divinel& ordained, and as such, can onl& work well when lived out in accordance with 5od6s prescriptions. These are basicall& laid out in the !ible. .urthermore, the living word of 5od can penetrate deeper and much more effectivel& than mere human words can 7%eb +#$'8. n the spiritual battle raging toda& in the arena of marriage and famil& life, we must utili9e the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of 5od 7:ph ;#$<8. Session I CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

O'tline Marriage is a special state that a man and woman enter into. To get married is a ver& important decision that a couple makes. The& need to tr& and understand this important step that the& are about to make. Fi%e as e$ts of Ch!istian "a!!iage( )( a8 As God*s lan( Marriage is 5od6s idea. 5en $#'<*'=> '#$=,'+.

5od intended a man and woman to form a new unit&, for mutual fulfilment and the procreation of children. b8 Marriage will work well onl& if according to 5od6s plan.

Consider all the couples in love who got married and are now separated. +( As a %o$ation(

a8 5od is love. 5od created man and woman in %is own image and likeness. Therefore, man in turn ought to love as 5od loves.

b8

Most people will be called to e2press that love in the conte2t of marriage.

?ote#There could also be call to celibac& 7e.g., a religious life8. ,( As a $o%enant

a8 Marriage is more than just a contract or agreement between two parties. Rather, it is a profound commitment or covenant between a man and a woman. , contract is usuall& a written agreement of the terms and conditions defining the limit of what one is e2pected to do for another 1n the other hand, a covenant is open*ended and without limits. t is a solemn agreement committing the parties in a total and selfless wa&. b8 @ Marriage as a covenant establishes a whole wa& of life.

The couple is to work together as one and not just live together as married individuals 75en '#'+> :ph -#($8. 0ove is the abiding principle. Christian marriage is for keepsA t lasts until death 7Mk $B#;*C8 -( As a sa$!a"ent

a8 , sacrament, b& definition, is an outward sign or s&mbol that gives grace. Sacramental grace enables a person to live out what would be difficult or impossible simpl& on his own human strength. b8 Marriage is a ver& demanding relationship.

, spouse is supposed to selflessl& give himself4her*self totall& to the other person. t is to be characteri9ed b& self*sacrificial love. ts to last through better or worse, through sickness or health, etc., until death6. c8 The sacrament of Christian marriage empowers a couple through the work of the %ol& Spirit, infusing 5od6s own love and strength into their union. .( a8 b8 As a $o""it"ent/ to se!%e( Marriage is not intended for service of self but rather for service to one6s spouse. Rom $'#$B. Phil '#(*+. )e should have the attitude of Christ. Phil '#-*<.

c8 3ou ma& be entering into the most fulfilling relationship of &our life. 1pen &ourselves up to understanding and accepting 5od6s intent in and through Christian marriage

Session +

THE CHRISTIAN CO0P1E

O'tline , husband*wife relationship entails the following# 2eing a b!othe! and siste! in Ch!ist( a8 More fundamental to &our becoming husband and wife is the realit& of &our being brother and sister in Christ. b8 3ou are both children of 5od. ,s such, &ou both have a fundamental worth and dignit&. 3ou are eDuall& loved b& 5od. c8 3ou need to love each other because of this. En $-#$'. Mutual deference. 0ove and respect. :ph F#'$.6 :ph -#((.

n marriage, the husband and the wife have different roles. :ph -#''*('. a8 The roles have nothing to do with worth and dignit&, in which both are eDual. The& have nothing to do with who is more intelligent, capable, e2perienced, etc. b8 The& are simpl& 5od*given roles. c8 The& are intended for peace and good order in the famil&. Role of the h'sband as head( a8 %e is the provider. %e sees to it that adeDuate food, clothing and shelter are afforded for the famil& members. The wife could also work, but it is the husband6s basic responsibilit& to provide.

b8 %e is the protector. %e governs and manages the affairs of the famil&. %e takes responsibilit& for their well*being and safet&. %e raises his sons in manl& Christian character.

c8 %e is the priest of the famil& %e takes responsibilit& for the spiritual life of the famil&.

Role of the wife as the hea!t( of the fa"il& a8 She is a companion to her husband. She stands b& his side in their walk through life, through good times as well as bad. She becomes a source, of blessing to him, encouraging and up building him, especiall& in the midst of the difficulties of ever&da& life.

b8 She is a partner to him. !eing eDual in worth and dignit&, she complements her husbands in the areas of strength and weakness. She helps himFin the formation of a vision for their famil&, seeing to the carr&ing out of this vision b& each member of the famil& with creativit&. She helps raise their children, especiall& in the area of Christian character.

c8 She is a support to him. She pra&s and intercedes for him and for the life of the famil&. She cares for his personal needs, as well as that of the children. She endures that her husband receives the honour and respect due to him from herself as well as their children. She is an effective steward of the material blessings that 5od has given the famil& through his labour. She sets the environment of the home to be a refuge from the cares of the world.

The i" o!tan$e of se3 in "a!!iage( t is in accordance with 5odFs plan. $ Cor <#(*-. a8 The unitive purpose. 5en '#'+. 5od creates a profound new unit& in marriage. The se2ual act is the ph&sical e2pression of this unit&. Se2ual intimac& is an act of total self*surrender, a complete giving of self to one6s spouse within the conte2t of the marriage covenant.

b8 The procreative purpose. 5en $#'=. The se2ual union of husband and wife, is intended b& 5od to result in new life.

c8 Se2 in marriage is a gift from 5od. 5od designed our se2ual impulses and desires, and %e wants us to e2perience ph&sical

pleasure in se2ual intercourse. Session , O'tline Communication in marriage is crucial to the love relationship of husband and wife. )e are not just concerned about talking with one another, but with deliberatel& spending Dualit& time on a regular basis to talk about things that concern the marriage and the life of the famil&. Th!o'gh the &ea!s of "a!!iage/ the!e will be !oble"s/ a!g'"ents and fights( a8 3ou need to learn how to talk these things through. b8 1r better still, to regulari9e communication such that serious conflicts will be minimi9ed. Obsta$les to effe$ti%e $o""'ni$ation( ?ot making the effort. a8 !eing resigned to the current state of affairs. b8 !eing too bus& and having no time to reall& talk. c8 ?ot reall& caring enough to bother to talk things through. Tal4ing b't not listening( a8 !eing just intent on sa&ing &our piece and not being open to the other6s point of view reall& b8 Selective listening 7choosing what &ou want to hear and filtering others8. c8 ?ot e2erting enough effort to understand what the other part& is tr&ing to sa&, what the real message is be&ond the words being said. 5iffe!en$e between "en and wo"en( a8 n general, men deal more on the level of ideas ad concepts, while women are more focused on personal feelings and reactions. b8 Men tend to see the,whole picture and can live with a problem, while women focus on details an want problems resolved immediatel&. Thus we should e2perience genuine freedom and jo& in se2. Se2ual intimac& unites husband and wife not just ph&sicall&, but creates an intimate emotional bond between them, and strengthens their relationship with one another. COMM0NICATION IN MARRIAGE

How do &o' $o""'ni$ate effe$ti%el&6 a8 Make time and take time. Prioriti9e communication with each other b& setting a regular time together. This can deal with issues before the& build up. b8 !e objective and focus on the real issue. c8 %ave the right motivation. 3our goal is unit& based on love, not on winning the argument. d8 0earn to accept correction or criticism without being defensive. "o not Duestion &our spouse6s basic love and commitment to &ou. e8 ,gree to disagree without being disagreeable. f8 "on6t attempt to communicate when angr& or tired.. 7hat do &o' tal4 abo't6 a8 3ou are to talk about an&thing and ever&thing regarding &our life together as a couple and as a famil&. b8 Talk about &ourselves 7i.e. personal likes and dislikes $ e2pectations and preferences, hopes and dreams). c8 "iscuss difficulties and problems. d8 Take up famil& concerns with one wa& &ou Session O'tline Children are a gift from 5od. Ps $'<#(. Ha%ing $hild!en is in a$$o!dan$e with God*s lan( (Gen )9+.)( a8 ,s Christian spouses, we are called to serve life. b8 ,s parents, we are cooperators with 5od in the transmission of human life in accordance with %is will. c8 Children comprise the ne2t generation of Christians.. d8 , child is the fruit of the conjugal love of spouses. e8 Children are also a source of blessing for parents. Pa!enting( Parents have the responsibilit& to raise up their children according to 5od6s wa&s. :ph ;#+. a8 This responsibilit& rests especiall& on the father as the head of the famil&. THE CHRISTIAN FAMI18

b8 The aim is to raise up children to love and serve 5od. c8 Children are to be taught to relate well with other people. !e sorr& for doing wrong. .orgive one another ,ccord honour and respect to others.

Pa!ents ha%e God:gi%en a'tho!it& o%e! thei! $hild!en. a8 Children are e2pected to obe& their parents. b8 This parental authorit& sta&s until a child reaches the age of majorit&, or as long as the child is under parental support. The "eans of t!aining( a8 3our e2ample. b8. ,ctual teaching. c8 The e2ercise of discipline in a fair and responsible manner and without malice. Res onsible a!enthood( , couple needs to take responsibilit& for how man& children the& are to have. a8 %umanae Gitae# H n relation to ph&sical, economic, ps&chological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is e2ercised, either b& the deliberate and generous decision to raise a numerous famil&> or b& the decision, made for grave motives and with due respect for moral law, to. avoid for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period, new birth.H b8 f a couple does decide to limit births, the recourse should be to natural methods of famil& planning. c8 ,ll forms of artificial contraception are intrinsicall& wrong. d8 These are various medical ha9ards to contraception. Session . 1utline 5od wants Christian couples to have good life giving marriages. Since Christian marriage is %is plan, %e can and will provide whatever is needed to make a marriage work well. There are, certain ke& elements involved. P!a&e!( a8 This is one of our basic wa&s of having an intimate and loving personal relationship with 5od, the source of grace and strength for us. ;E8S TO S0CCESSSF01 MARRIAGE AN5( FAMI18 1IFE

Pra&er is dependence on the power of the %ol& Spirit. Ps $'<#$.

b8 3ou need to have a personal pra&er time, and also develop a famil& pra&er time. Ch!istian fo!"ation( a8 3ou will need to continue to learn about living a good. Christian life, as well as how to build up a strong Christian marriage and famil& life. b8 3ou must read the !ible, which contains 5od6s instructions for living &our life in and for %im. c8 3ou need to receive, teachings on marriage life. Ongoing asto!al s' o!t and fa"il&

a8 Societ& toda& does not hold the same values as our Christian faith. There is materialism, humanism, hedonism. n fact, there are overt pressures in marriage and famil& life 7separation, divorce, abortion, contraception$ infidelit&, etc.8.

b8 Thus &ou need the support of other Christians who are committed to 5od6s wa&s in marriage and famil& life. !& &ourselves$ it is so eas& to fall pre& to what the world offers or teaches. 3ou will need an environment of support , a bod& of committed Christians. This should be found in &our parish, but unfortunatel& the si9e and impersonal nature of most parishes preclude this kind of care and support.