Issue Date: August 22, 2004

Source: http://159.54.226.237/04_issues/040822/040822bridal_giving.html

Getting married & making a difference

By Tameka L. Hicks Imagine it's the day before the wedding of a dear friend, and it's time for the bride and groom's sides to get acquainted on a fun-filled Saturday. The refreshments are flowing. There's a pool, bocce ball, shuffleboard, a softball game -- even rock climbing! And at night, there's swing dancing. Oh, and one more thing: In the midst of all of this, you're asked to get your index finger pricked. As a guest, should you be shocked? Grossed out? How about ... astonished, in the fullest, most rewarding sense? At least that was the reaction of Gabriel Plotkin, 30, and some 40 friends at wedding festivities last month, where they happily gave blood samples. Plotkin's law school friend Homer Robinson was marrying Lisa Zahren in Avon, Conn. Last year, Homer's 5-year-old nephew, Bodhi, was diagnosed with leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant. No one in the family had matched Bodhi, and he received his bone marrow from a woman in Europe. Grateful and with their awareness raised, Homer and Lisa asked their guests to submit samples so they could be entered into a bone marrow databank. The drive gave the guests a shared experience that will resonate far longer than any wedding toast or bouquet toss.

Adding a charitable element to your wedding lets guests give gifts "of not only style, but substance."

"It made sense," Plotkin says. "I'm just inspired by them making it a part of their wedding day weekend. There was a chance that Bodhi wasn't going to be there, and it's exciting that he was." Says Homer: "We liked the idea of introducing communities from our lives to each other. We were creating a larger community for that event." Wedding days are supposed to be nothing less than the happiest of our lives. Of course, if that were the case, the rest of married life would be one long, tedious anticlimax. So consider the concept of weaving a dose of altruism into nuptials as a way to launch a couple's married life with special purpose.

Sound far-fetched? It isn't. Combining volunteerism and weddings is catching on. Mixing vows with values, Homer and Lisa, along with more than 2,000 other couples, have registered with the I Do Foundation (idofoundation.org). Since its launch in 2002, the Washington, D.C.-based foundation has provided couples with a variety of charitable options. Each couple gets a Web page where guests can find out wedding details, donate to the couple's charity (or charities) of choice or purchase a gift from one of the partner retail stores (including Target, Amazon.com, Linens-N-Things and Mikasa.com), which then donates a percentage of the price of the gift to the designated charity. That's how the nuptials of Josh Greene and Andrea Heberlein of Philadelphia generated donations to both Oxfam America, an anti-poverty group, and Doctors Without Borders. Ariane and David Moore of St. Louis chose America's Second Harvest to receive money. This kind of wedding philanthropy is a way of planting seeds -- a notion that Seth Marbin and Jyothi Nagraj of Providence took quite literally. They met while doing community service for City Year, a national volunteer organization for young people. So, before their June wedding, 90 of their 130 guests raked, weeded and planted seeds at an organic farm that grows food for low-income families. "It feels good to bring people together for something that's more than just a big party," says Seth, 27. Adds Jyothi, 29: "You could do a bowling night -- you could do a lot of things -- but we chose service. Some of the deepest connections and friendships Seth and I have made have been through service projects." At their June wedding, Glenn and Jodi Lotenberg of New York honored eight loved ones lost to cancer. They contributed $400 to the American Cancer Society on behalf of their 150 guests, who found ribbon-tied scrolls at each table announcing the donation (which was matched by Jodi's employer, Macy's). Since its inception in 1998, the American Cancer Society's Wedding Scrolls program has raised about $250,000 through such wedding contributions. "It allows couples to start their lives together by doing something for a cause," says Stefanie Diamond of the cancer society. "It's a gift of not only style, but substance as well." The Lotenbergs didn't stop there. They donated $200 (also matched by Macy's) to the American Heart Association and had their wedding flowers taken to NYU Medical Center after the festivities. Traditionally, couples send guests home with wedding favors. Before her December wedding to Wayne Anderson, Ayanna Smith of Oakland was choosing among holiday ornaments, chocolates and personalized sugar cookies for her guests. Then she thought of something that actually could produce some return on investment: She took the $200 the favors would have cost and made a donation to the United Negro College Fund in honor of her 70-plus guests. An alumna of Hampton (Va.) University, Ayanna, 32, concluded that the contribution would help another young African American further his or her education -- even though doing so would disappoint friends and relatives who expected a small souvenir. "I polled my friends and got some flak for it," Ayanna says. "We had little wedding bells if they

were that pressed for a gift." More than 90% of the 2 million-plus couples who are wed each year register for gifts, and an estimated $19 billion is spent on wedding presents each year. But some couples these days are asking that such largess be directed instead to worthy organizations. Take Mike Buckley and Anne Schafer of San Francisco, who decided against a registry entirely for their June 2003 wedding. Through Just Give (justgive .org), the couple asked guests to donate to their choice of four organizations, including Loaves and Fishes, which feeds and finds jobs for the homeless. More than $4,000 was raised. "A few people still gave gifts," Anne says. "The little glass salt shaker, the wooden salad bowl set, a Japanese vase -- all were great. My uncle wrote us a check, but we sent it to one of the organizations." Bethany Robertson of the I Do Foundation predicts that in the next five to 10 years more and more couples will incorporate charitable elements into their weddings, whether it's donating leftover food from the reception or planning eco-friendly events. Says Robertson: "We expect that when you return from a wedding, people will ask, 'Who was the best man? What did the bridesmaids' dresses look like? And what was the couple's charity?' " Our spotlight on making a difference continues In October: Millions of people will help others on USA WEEKEND Magazine's 14th annual Make A Difference Day, Oct. 23. More information: makeadifferenceday.com Cover photograph by Shawn Henry for USA WEEKEND
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