Building Emotional Resources and Self Confidence

Hello and welcome to this Building Emotional Resources and Self Confidence E Motion Download. E Motion Downloads are based on the Human Givens approach to emotional healing and mental health the newest and most radical school of psychology in 40 years. mid %&&0s. his rapidly e!panding approach is "# based and dates $ust from the he E Motion audio series can complement your Human Givens

therapy but can also be used as part of a stand alone self help programme. ' am (ndrew )ichardson and a director of the *ondon Human Givens +entre in the "#. 'n this download you will learn of the three main areas where our resources and capacities can most easily be strengthened and how to do so. (ll of these relate in one form or other to how we use or misuse our emotions. (nd as a conse,uence of the wor- that you do in this audio download. you will be more able to get your essential needs met and so live a more balanced life. /ou will also become more self confident without really noticing that you are 0. and without really trying. 1lease ensure that when listening to the rest of this download that you are not operating machinery or driving or engaging in any other activity which re,uires your concentration.

Second track (t the end of the day. the most important resource that you can develop to build self confidence is to be more in control of and aware of your emotions 2 so that you can use them properly. Have these wonderful gifts of sadness and anger and worry and fear and disappointment and guilt and determination and $oy and satisfaction 2 wor-ing for you. *earn to tame and befriend the tiger of your emotions 0.. and then ride the tiger in the direction that your deep intelligence -nows is the way that you should go. /our emotions are your greatest gift to get your essential needs met and also the route to ma-e the changes in your life that you yearn for 2 and so build self confidence. he first thing to do is to access calmer emotional states and gain greater awareness of your emotions and what they could be communicating to you taming the tiger. he second step is to spring clean to uncover and refurnish the emotional patterns and triggers 2 befriending the tiger. (nd the third is to use the energy of your emotions through your imagination of better futures to move you in the direction that is right for you riding the tiger. And so first of all - tame the tiger of your high and uncontrollable emotions (nd the clue is not to tac-le this head on. 3ust as you might buy a gift for someone to disarm or to flatter and ca$ole rather than come right out with it. so you can begin by being -inder to your whole self. (fter all. your emotions manifest somewhere or other in your body. 4or some of us. a strong emotion might be a fear or a spreading tension that is located in our belly. 4or others it is tightness in our $aw or chest and for others. emotions manifest as a lightness or heaviness inside our head or on our shoulders or arms or legs.

(nd so to be -inder to your body is to treat your emotions as you would an honoured guest who came to your house. 5hat small steps you could ta-e to loo- after yourself just a little better6 5hat might your body need now to gain sustenance6 /ou could eat $ust a little healthier because you -now it is good for you. ingredients and cut down heavily processed foods7 drin- water or $uice. are $ust small things. 8r ta-e a little more e!ercise. 5hat could you do today or tomorrow6 5al- somewhere new rather than ta-e a car. 9isit a par- or a la-e or a river or a pond or a stream or $ust ta-e time to waldown the street. 'f you have gym membership or sports membership. then ma-e use of it but in a different way. (nd what do ' mean by this6 2 5ell go at a different time of the day or wee- with new people and build a different e!pectation of what might you might e!perience there. (nd find small pleasures thin- about them and anticipate and plan deliciously. *aughing. meeting new people. doing something different with old friends. really en$oying a 9 programme or a treat. a-e some time over the planning and cogitating and implementing of these little treats. /ou could be creating little bits of ceremony and specialness. a-e hese

some raw or nearly raw vegetables7 spend time coo-ing good meals with natural

(nd as you do these -inds of things and imagine doing these -inds of things you are doing something different and you can wonder to yourself why it will help you. (nd what might you notice after a day or two of being -inder to yourself. 5ell you could notice an openness to rela! or fully engage your mind in something that is important to you at that moment. (nd you might find that you are sleeping better or feeling $ust a little healthier and have $ust a little bit more energy. (nd the more times you listen to this download the more you will notice that you are beginning to be seeing your situation differently and beginning to appreciate your intrinsic gifts and capabilities. :o. as you sit back or lie back and notice feelings that could be feelings of relaxation. thin- about what it is in your life that you are most proud of. 't could be your children ;if you have them< or a relationship or an achievement or a s-ill you have developed or something residing in a special memory. 5hat are your ,ualifications as a graduate or a teacher or in business or a profession or as a mother or a friend or a father or a gardener or a handyman6 (nd do you have a piece of paper that states your ,ualification or does your ,ualification come from your e!perience of life. 't doesn=t really matter. 5hat have you en$oyed in your life even it was a long time ago such as holidays wal-ing. rela!ing. and e!ploring with friends or strangers. laughing. dancing. sightseeing6

(nd what are your passions and that which draws you to them6 :ometimes these can be very clear for you a love of nature and the outdoors 0.a certain -ind of music or activity such as fi!ing things or discovering how things wor-. (re there ideas and readings that have entranced you. :ome have a sense of connection to something bigger than themselves this is what could be called the heart of spirituality. 8r you may have to search a little. 's there a story or e!perience from your childhood which still touches you and may have influenced you ever since6 5hat did you en$oy at school6 (nd if you thin- about the activities and careers we engage in. 5ell ' li-e to see this in terms of four ,uadrants. :o imagine yourself standing in a the centre and you can loo- and move in any direction you choose to as in a circle. 5ell in one direction there is activity and business and achieving things and mar-ets and money and bu>> and e!citement (nd in the ne!t ,uadrant there is learning and discovering and -nowledge and boo-s and being curious and entranced. (nd right ne!t door there is a sense of teaching and communicating and the e!citement of sharing and entrancing others with what has entranced you. (nd in the ne!t ,uadrant you ae helping and caring and healing and protecting. (nd then in the last ,uadrant ;before you return bac- to the first< there is creativity painting. composing writing. e!ploring and ma-ing a statement and metaphor for who you are and how you see things.

(nd what wor- you have done and been paid for or given of yourself as a gift. Have you opened yourself to trust or love or to have been loved6 :tay with whatever is good that comes up for you however small it seems or surprising or familiar. (nd what are you doing as you focus on the good and memorable6 5ell you are building up a ban- account of good and useful memories and emotions. (nd the ama>ing thing is that you can draw on these good emotions and as you do. -now that they never run down and they $ust grow and grow and grow. (nd what are the ,ualities that you have that you li-e the most about yourself or have helped you the most. ?ecause we all have ,ualities or virtues which is a wonderful word 2 and we -now it if we $ust allow ourselves to. (nd ' have -nown people who are ama>ed with what comes up for them. here can be -indness. honesty. determination. creativity . being able to care. a sense of fun. of wit. of gentleness of $ustice and loyalty and community. (nd whatever you are finding for yourself now is also adding to that pool of memories and positive emotions that you have already ban-ed and which you can use whenever you wish. (nd as your mind begins to see parts of your daily life differently not fi!ed but something you can change 0.. and discover what you could do even today that would change something. you could have a sense of dominoes beginning to fall one after another that will ta-e you to places that you had scarcely dreamt about $ust a few minutes ago.

And all of sudden or erha s just slo!ly it !ill da!n on you that you are beginning to befriend the tiger of your emotions. /ou may now choose to stay deeply rela!ed and go onto the ne!t trac- or $ust come bac- to the room gently and feel alert and awa-e. +ount down to yourself down from @ to % if you decide to do this now.

"hird "rack here is a story ' would li-e to tell you. (nd so settle bac- in that chair or wherever or stay settled with your eyes closing or closed and begin to be aware of how it is to loo- forward to a story or a meeting of friends or that treat you promised yourself or a different and better future 0.. and you may already be rela!ing $ust a little bit more. here was an old man who lived with his wife on the edge of a town a long time ago and it was his custom to wal- into the town each morning to have a coffee in the s,uare. Aow on this particular morning as he wal-ed along the familiar path into the town he happened to glance down and noticed something glistening in front of him. He stooped down and pic-ed up an old coin. neighboured his. (nyway he pic-ed it up and wal-ed on. Aow as he was sitting down in the cafB and en$oying the warm sun. a stranger sat down beside him. He was in a hurry and having to leave the country ,uic-ly and was desperate for coins he could use at his destination in the neighbouring country. (nd he too- the coin from our old man and in e!change gave him three silver coins. he coin was not of the country he lived in and he thought perhaps it might be from the country that

(s luc- would have it. a man at the ne!t table had overhead this e!change and came over and said that he was a silversmith loo-ing for silver to complete an urgent commission. (nd he would give the old man three gold pieces for those three silver pieces. (s you can imagine. after the delight and surprise of this. our old friend was even happier rela!ing in the s,uare. ?ut. there was more adventure for him as you will not be surprised to -now. (nother man rushed into the cafB in a state of distress saying that he was desperate for wealth that he could put in his poc-et 2 gold coins would be best. :o much so that he would e!change his warehouse full of blan-ets if he could find $ust three gold coins. (nd as he was waving the deeds of the warehouse in front of him. our old friend got up. went with the stranger to $ust beyond the edge of the s,uare to inspect the warehouse and found himself. before he -new it. the proud owner of an ama>ing new facility. (nd before he could even begin to contemplate what this new situation might mean for him. a -ing=s representative rode into town proclaiming that the country was at war and the -ing needed to buy provisions for his soldiers and horses including blan-ets. e!change. 't was time to go home and the man arose. placing the bags in his inside $ac-et poc-et and wal-ed happily bac- to his house. ?ut he did not -now that he was being followed by a couple of ruffians that had seen everything that had happened that morning. (nd as he approached his house. with his wife waiting at the gate to greet him. these two scoundrels. $umped on him. threw him to the ground and too- the gold. *uc-ily the old man was not seriously hurt and he stumbled up and to his wife. CHow are you husband= she as-ed with alarm Cand what was it that those two men too- from you6= he old man spo-e up and after inspecting the warehouse. the -ing=s soldier gave the old man two bags of gold in

C/es ' am fine. my dear wife and those men well they too- nothing $ust an old coin.= 5hen we are low or confused or stuc- or angry or grieving we will have a fi!ed way of viewing our situation which often will ma-e the problem larger. more intractable or more permanent than it need be and -eep us highly aroused. :o change your point of view 2 li-e moving your chair to another part of the room so the view is different. 't is ama>ing what you can do without actually trying that hard. he tric- is to imagine a way to see what is dominating you as either not so important or temporary in some way or that there is change underway and it is not fi!ed or that you are learning something from the e!perience. C)ight now. ' am still loo-ing for a better way to study. to wor-. to meet people= you could say or C' am learning a lot and this will help me when ' am ready.= or C' have really done well so far and -now ' will continue to learn and move.= or C5hen ' thin- bac- a year ago so much has actually changed it will be interesting to see what happens that is different over the ne!t year.= or CAow that ' realise that change is always with me. it is a source of comfort in a strange -ind of way. his too will pass.== or C:ometimes ' find it easier to focus on the strong emotion and miss all the good that ' have achieved.= or CHow would ' be feeling. if ' saw my situation differently and if ' did see it this way. what else might change.= (re you beginning to see aspects of your life differently or could you and by doing so. how would it be helping you in some way6

(nd it is really helpful to see your current concerns and difficulties as the response to a stressor in your life and a situation where you are not getting an essential need met and so a#oid at all cost the tra of blaming yourself. his is really important. Humans are uni,ue in that they can be aware of their feelings and not $ust be them. (nd the emotions you don=t li-e and that you are instinctively pushing away ;an!ieties. rages. resentments. grieving< could be your mindDbody=s communication that you need to ta-e action to get an essential need met or you will continue to suffer. (nd your unconscious intelligence instinctively -nows what your needs are and your unconscious normally communicates this by creating the emotion which is the energy or the motion and movement towards getting that need met. :o embrace and welcome the emotion. hen give the emotion a name and aswhether this emotion is guiding you or not to getting your needs met or is dangerous and e!cessive and unhelpful. (nd be aware if you are blaming yourself for it that you are mean or unlovable or unworthy or have anger issues whatever that means and all that -ind of stuff. ?ecause. how will that help you6 C5hen ' thin- about it. it is not surprising that ' feel li-e this anybody would if they had been through what ' have been through= you could say. ' -new someone once who had been told as a child by her parents in all sorts of ways that she was useless and that no2one would ever want to help her. (nd so when she realised that her first husband was a bad man she blamed herself and when she found that her business was struggling she could not as- for help and that was her fault also. (nd it too- her time to change this point of view so that

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she could see her relationships with men as either helping her or not and wor-ing or not and that by opening to all the people who li-ed and responded to her. that she could have a business that made money and fulfilled her. 5e are can all see our situation differently and one thing that you can begin to do right now is to practice seeing those aspects of your present. past and future that you don=t li-e as different. Go to the ban- and draw on your savings of good memories and strengths to help you. (nd practice this now. :o remind yourself of a situation in your past of an encounter perhaps that you would li-e to feel better about. 1icture it now really see it or feel it or $ust have a sense of it. 5hat details are there for you6 's there a location or feelings or a narrative li-e a video clip. Aow cut and paste. +hange one thing about the e!perience anything at all 2 and allow yourself to feel differently about it stronger. more protected. happier and more vibrant. (nd you could even now fast forward to another similar situation and change that or notice that as you recall it. that there is a softening of its own accord and it is $ust different (nd as you observe your emotions now some strong or wea- or positive or dissatisfied 2 as these emotions appear to you now. you can choose to take comfort from the -nowledge of your innate and e!tensive capacities and resources and they are emerging from their hiding places (nd as you do this you will be able to notice when the emotions you don=t want are stronger or wea-er or absent and what are the thoughts or events or situations which trigger them..

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(nd notice those good e!periences as in your own time you slowly come bac- to a greater state of rela!ed awa-ening in your room.

$ourth "rack ?y being -inder to yourself in all -inds of ways you are learning to give your emotions a more comfortable place to inhabit. (nd you have begun to listen to what your emotions are saying and if you choose to. to change the emotions and their triggers. (nd then you can ride the tiger in the direction of !here you !ant to go. o use your imagination in the service of meeting essential needs. 'n the %oal Setting to Rebalance your &ife do!nload you can learn a lot of what your unmet needs are and how to set the right goals and how to meet these.

(nd here are the essential Aeeds :afety 0(utonomy 5ider connections (ttention 2 both giving and receiving (chievement 1rivacy ?eing

hat important person or people :tatus :tretched and Meaning

(nd you can set goals now from increasing self confidence 0.. and control over your emotions and memories 0.. and accessing the memories and emotions of your past that will help you. his is your savings account 2 unlimited and deep more li-e an ocean really. he :ufis have a story of a bird that was -ept in a cage. he bird was loo-ed

after well by her owner. He fed her and -ept her warm and her cage was close by a large window so the bird had plenty of light during the long days while the

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owner went to wor-. ?ut still she was trapped and every day. the bird could see other birds flying free across the s-y. (nd the bird longed to $oin them. (nd then one day. the owner went to wor- leaving both the cage door and the window open. (nd very soon the bird gingerly hopped out of the cage and onto the window ledge. (nd from this vantage point. she could see so much more. :he could see distant mountains and valleys and when the bird loo-ed down she could see more of the hustle and bustle of what lay before her and all around her. here were so many other birds and people and all -inds of things. (nd the bird $ust stayed on the ledge 2 stupefied and ama>ed and da>ed and stayed and stayed and stayed. (nd the bird was still there when her owner arrived home. :o he loc-ed the bird up bac- in her cage where she was again fed and loo-ed after. /ou can move away from that ledge at $ust the pace you wish. (nd in fact you could $ust circle around for one day or a number of days -nowing that the ne!t day you would be free to go $ust a little bit further. :o find a solvable problem with a beginning. middle and clear end. about practical steps and problems you can hold in your hands. (nd as you recall your strengths and what you are proud of and your past pleasures and those ,ualifications ;wherever they are from<. are you feeling more confident about ma-ing that move6 (nd unli-e that bird you actually -now now where you wish to go. :ee yourself meeting that achievable goal right now 2 armed and protected and supported by your strengths. -nowing that your emotions and feelings are there to help you. )eally see it. 5ho are you with. how are you wal-ing and tal-ing and presenting to the world. (nd as you do this. feel good about it. ?uild up that picture of how you are feeling the satisfaction. the pleasure and control. 5hat hin-

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are you achieving6 ?uilding status 0.connecting to friends and colleagues in new and satisfying ways.. . achieving something worthwhile 0. Gaining a measure of control in some part of your life 0 building defenses to feel safer 0 ?eing private in your own space 0. Getting close to someone 0. :tretching yourself and noticing that you have more sense of meaning. :tronger and stronger is the feeling now. in your body 0 and e!panding 0 filling you up. 'n a moment. ' will count bac- down from @ to % so that you can slowly begin to become alert and aware and return to the room. @ ?egin to be aware of your body differently 4 Gently returning to the hear and now E ?ecoming more alert F Getting ready to open those eyes % 8pening those eyes now (nd ma-e sure that you are fully alert before driving or operating any machinery. ' hope you found real value and insight from this Building Emotional Resources and Self Confidence Emotion Download audio session. (nd please listen to it again and again so that it really sin-s in. 4or more information visit londonhumangivens.com and from there you can access the official human given sites. including their useful and wide ranging publications. (nd )ead the boo- Human Givens by 3oe Griffin and 'van yrell. the founders and still the main teachers of the Human Givens approach. han- you

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