Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Robert Colquhoun
Loveundefiled.blogspot.com
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London
2009
Love undefiled
Copyright 2009
First Edition
Print managed by
Transform Management Ltd:
PO Box 2178, Caterham, CR3 6ZT
booklets@1025transform.co.uk
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Love undefiled: The joy of purity
Mother Society
5
“But purrleeezze!” they nagged. “All our friends
think that smoking is really cool and they say it
gives them a good feeling.”
6
“You just don’t want us to have fun,” accused
one of the teenagers.
7
But all of a sudden, the third teenager called out.
“What about sex? Is it okay to have sex?”
8
“We thought you’d tell us to wait,” they said.
9
intimately participate in it.”
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give yourself, for you cannot give what you do
not have. Sexual morality is rooted in the way
God designed us.
11
strength. The man who chooses virginity chooses
God. If I am to be completely just to God the
Creator, I must offer him all that is in me, my
whole being, for he has first claim on all of it.
Contemporary trends
12
Despite all this, young people are eager and
willing to hear a new message, a call to love
different from the “safer sex” mantra. A new
sexual revolution is here. Chastity, a long
forgotten virtue and word now hardly used in the
English language, is making a comeback.
Chastity is a call to save sex until marriage and
live with your body, mind and soul in harmony. A
call to live passionately, without guilt, is deeply
embedded in the hearts of every single person. A
new way of living, devoid of damaging
chemicals, hook ups, sexually transmitted
diseases (STDs), heartbreak and unwanted
pregnancies is here to stay.
13
see God.” (Matthew 5:8). No other virtue is so
important in order to see God working in our
lives and the lives of others.
14
Why should I live a pure life?
15
brings peace. One young writer wrote, “the
commandment to wait… promoted the greatest
fulfilment in sex by paving the way for trust,
emotional satisfaction, joy and passion,
unthreatened by mental battles. How good and
intelligent the Creator is.”6
16
somebody. To use another person for pleasure is
to objectify them. If we were to ask these
questions with our own (imaginary) daughter in
mind we might find an answer closer to the truth.
It is never good to take one of the people you love
further away from God for selfish reasons. When
we guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and do not
stir up love before its time (Song of Songs 3:5),
we can be sure that we are following the creator’s
plan for us in protecting the wellsprings of life.
17
Sex is OK, isn’t it, as long as you love the other
person?
18
“The typical modern man practically never thinks
about sex. He dreams of it, of course, by day and
by night; he craves for it; he pictures it, is
stimulated or depressed by it, slavers over it. But
this frothing, steaming activity is not thinking.
Slavering is not thinking, picturing is not
thinking, craving is not thinking, dreaming is not
thinking. Thinking means bringing the power of
the mind to bear: thinking about sex means
striving to see sex in its innermost reality and in
the function it is meant to serve.”8
19
being worn out and our souls dissatisfied before
commitment. If you cannot say no to another
person, what is your ‘yes’ really worth?
20
is different, then it is almost certain that you will
hurt the other person because you are being
deceitful and telling a lie with your body. The
term ‘casual sex’ is misleading, because nothing
is casual about the consequences.
21
In 1973, the US Supreme Court decided during
the famous ‘Roe vs. Wade’ decision to legalize
abortion on the principle of a right to privacy. But
this decision had grave public effects. Many
unborn children have been killed as a result of
this decision. A society that kills its children has
no future.
22
modestly is crucial to strengthening a relationship
with the opposite sex.
23
treated as an object for sexual pleasure. That is
why we want to dress modestly when we are with
members of the opposite sex to whom we are not
married. Outside the context of married love, we
must be careful with the unveiling of sexuality or
else we will set ourselves up to be used by the
opposite sex.
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use them as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing
to God (Romans 12:1).
25
modesty is for frigid prudes who are afraid. To
behave with modesty is far more exciting than
sleeping around because it restores the dignity of
women.
26
and prized. By trying to grab fulfilment
everywhere, we find it nowhere.”14 Many people
experience a sense of emptiness after a lustful
experience. But, when we discover true love, lust
becomes boring and irrelevant.
27
stallion. With tears of joy, the man jumps on to
the horse and they fly to the heavens.
28
unintentionally misleading you. When life and
death is at stake, promoting lies can be a vicious
concoction of deceit, fraud and ignorance.
29
of heart disease and stroke.18 Women on the pill
are up to five times more likely to have a stroke
than non-pill users and three times more likely to
have a heart attack.19 The birth control pill
increases a woman’s chance of having breast
cancer, cervical cancer and liver cancer. 21 out of
23 studies of women who took the pill before
their first child showed increased risk of breast
cancer. Birth control pills meddle with a woman’s
immune system, making her more likely to
contract certain STDs.
30
The pill can cause more than 150 biological
changes in a woman according to the textbook of
contraceptive practice. This can include
gallbladder disease, headache, bleeding
irregularities, ectopic pregnancy, yeast infection,
changes to the curvature of the eye, excessive hair
growth in unusual places, acne, and partial or
complete loss of vision.21 There are many effects
of the pill that are yet to be fully understood in
the way they damage and upset the delicate yet
beautiful aspects of womanhood. The pill was
supposed to bring great liberation to women, but
in the words of Christopher West, “Contraception
is a sure way to keep women in chains.”22
Treating a woman’s fertility like a disease
promotes a warped view of freedom and safety.
31
STDs that a partner has and may result in
pregnancy.
32
which were significantly limited: the heterosexual
transmission of HIV and the female to male
transmission of gonorrhoea. But this in total
constitutes just two per cent of all STDs. There is
not a great deal of evidence to show that condoms
provide suitable protection against gonorrhoea for
women. This is of concern because gonorrhoea
can lead to ectopic pregnancy, pelvic
inflammatory disease and infertility in women.
33
One doctor has compared the use of condoms to
playing Russian roulette.24 The US Department of
Health reported that of 100 women whose partner
uses a condom for a year, 3-36 will become
pregnant.25 The Adams City High School in
Colorado reported that in the three years since the
school became one of the first to hand out
condoms, the birth rate soared to 31per cent
above the national average of 58.1 births per
1,000 students per annum.26 One study showed
condoms can cause irritation or allergic
reactions.27
34
change in the risks involved. The introduction of
seatbelts led many drivers to drive faster, due to a
false understanding of safety. This meant that the
use of seatbelts did not reduce the driving fatality
rate. Likewise, condoms give the appearance of
safety for their customers, when in reality they
have led to a greater increase in unsafe sex.
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pregnancy, disease or having your heart broken is
impossible. No form of contraception is 100 per
cent effective, and our bodies are stubbornly
protective of fertility, because the propagation of
the species is too important. “Safe sex” is not safe
for the soul. Condoms offer little or no protection
against the deadly Human papillomavirus.33
36
What are the emotional consequences of
engaging in pre-marital sex?
37
Chlamydia is the most common bacterial STD in
the UK, with 121,986 cases in 2007. It is
prevalent in up to 10 per cent of sexually active
women and frequently causes infertility. Most
infected women have no symptoms. There is no
convincing evidence that condom use provides
any protection against chlamydia.
38
mutual self giving and is contrary to the
procreative and unitative purposes of sex. It
deceives us into putting our own desires first,
before our relationship with God and the purity of
our own hearts. Jesus says that anyone who looks
at a woman lustfully commits adultery with her in
his own heart.38 Such a habit teaches us to take
and use rather than to give. It can distort our
relationships and lead to addiction. God’s healing
is always possible for those who struggle in this
area.
39
The use of pornography trains your brain to
expect women to be constantly sexually available,
physically flawless and devoid of any human or
emotional commitment. It is perhaps the most
effective way to destroy your future marriage.
Pornography leads to a warped understanding and
appreciation of sex. It damages the beautiful gift
of human sexuality into a fantasy based on lies,
manipulation and financial exploitation. It
destroys marriages, degrades women,
emasculates men and distorts the emotional and
spiritual dimensions of sex. Porn involves the
exploitation of women, generating abuse and
misery worldwide.
40
10 reasons to save sex until marriage
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Prayer for purity
42
I am a responsible young man
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I want my girlfriend to know I am manly.
God is everywhere.
He sees everything. He knows everything.
Darkness may hide me from people,
But cannot hide me from God.
If through my lack of self-control,
I should get a girlfriend pregnant,
I will not put pressure on her to kill our unborn
child.
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I am a responsible young woman
45
What does God’s word say about Chastity?
Jesus tells us, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for
they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8). He also
reminds us, “If you love me, you will keep my
commandments.” (John 14:15).
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how to acquire a wife for himself in holiness and
honour, not in lustful passion as do the Gentiles
who do not know God; not to take advantage of
or exploit a brother in this matter, for the Lord is
an avenger in all these things, as we told you
before and solemnly affirmed. For God did not
call us to impurity but to holiness. (1
Thessalonians 4:3-7). The Lord loves the pure of
heart; the man of winning speech has the king for
his friend. (Proverbs 22:11).
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purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in
your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, see 10:31).
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shame without anything bad to say about us.
(Titus 2:3-8).
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Can you look at a woman lustfully?
Everyone who looks at a woman with lust has
already committed adultery with her in his heart.
(Mt 5:28).
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Love versus Lust
Love gives Lust uses
Love is personal Lust is objectifying
Love is honest Lust is devious
Love waits Lust takes
Love is life giving Lust is lifeless
Love is life long Lust is temporary
Love chooses Lust uses
Love sympathizes Lust criticizes
Love is committed Lust is unattached
Love is faithful Lust is disloyal
Love is generous Lust is selfish
Love communicates Lust manipulates
Love is deep Lust is shallow
Love is responsive Lust is insensitive
Love is pure Lust is impure
Love understands Lust makes demands
Love is kind Lust is blind
Love appreciates Lust intimidates
Love is kind Lust dares
Love accepts Lust discards
Love is given Lust is obsessed
Love talks Lust walks
Love adores Lust keeps score
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Chastity Pledge
Signed _________________________
Date _____________
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1
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/berkshire/7914656.stm
2
Office for National Statistics.
3
US News and World Report study. Mentioned at the World Congress of Families.
http://www.worldcongress.org/wcf2_spkrs/wcf2_baehr.htm#_ednref26
4
Catechism of the Catholic Church (Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1994), 2348.
5
The Fourth and Fifth Rs: Respect and Responsibility, Volume 13, Issue 2, Fall 2007, Centre for the 4th and 5th Rs. Dr.
Thomas Lickona.
6
Josh Mcdowell, Why Wait: What you need to know about the teen sexuality crisis (Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville,
1987), p244.
7
From the Memorare. This is a special prayer to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
8
Frank Sheed, Society and Sanity, Sheed and Ward, 1953.
9
Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility, Ignatius Press, San Fransisco, p176.
10
Ibid., p.179
11
Wendy Shalit, A return to modesty: rediscovering the lost virtue (Free Press, 2000), p193.
12
Kierkegaard, How to distinguish love from lust, 1959, Volume II, p21.
13
Josh Harris, Boy meets girl (Multnomah press, 2000), p154.
14
Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity, (Grand Rapids, Revell, 1984), 21.
15
CS Lewis, The Great Divorce, (Harperone, 2001).
16
Cf. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
17
Cf. Genesis 1:27
18
Bruce Stadel “Oral Contraceptives and the occurrence of disease” in Contraceptive Steroids: Pharmacology and Safety,
ed A.T. Gregoire and Richard Blye (NY and London: Plenum Press, 1986, p14-5).
19
Maureen Gardner, Facts About Oral Contraceptives, National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, 1984,
p8, p12.
20
Mary S. Calderone, ed. Abortion in the United States: A conference sponsored by the PPFa and the New York Academy
of Medicine, Arden House (New York, Harper and Row, 1958), p157.
21
Contem. Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 1988; 19: 315-26.
22
Christopher West, Good News about Sex and Marriage, p122.
23
A Glasier, Emergency Contraception, BMJ, 333:560–561.
24
Gardner G, Promoting Sexual Health BMJ 1992 305 70-71.
25
US Department of Health, Contraception, Comparing the Options.
26
USA Today, May 19th, 1992.
27
Family Planning Perspectives. 1999
28
Williams ES. Contraceptive failure may be a major factor in teenage pregnancy. BMJ 1995; 311: 807.
29
Physicians Resource Councils, New Study Shows Higher Unwed Birth rates Among Sexually Experienced Teens Despite
Increased Condom Use (10 February 1999).
30
The Consortium of State Physicians Resource Councils, New Study Shows Higher Unwed Birthrates Among Sexually
Experienced Teens Despite Increased Condom Use (10 February 1999).
31
N. Hearst and S. Chen, Condom Promotion for AIDS Prevention in the Developing World: is it Working? Studies in
Family Planning 35:1 (March 2004): 39–47.
32
Fr Paul Marx, The 40th Anniversary of Humanae Vitae: In Retrospect.
33
Robert Reid M.D., Condoms Won’t Prevent Transmission of HPV, Family Planning News 22 (June 1992): 12, K.L.
Noller, Talking to the HPV patient Ob Gyp Clinical Alert, 1993, p39.
34
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4832814.stm
35
Medical Institute for Sexual Health, Sex, Condoms, and STDs: What We Now Know (Austin, Tex.: Medical Institute for
Sexual Health, 2002)
36
Cf. J. M. Walboomers, et al., Human Papillomavirus Is a Necessary Cause of Invasive Cervical Cancer Worldwide,
Journal of Pathology 189:1 (September, 1999): 12-19
37
Collins, et al., High incidence of cervical human papillomavirus infection in women during their first sexual relationship,
BJOG : an international journal of obstetrics and gynaecology 109:1 (January, 2002): 96-98.
38
Cf. Matthew 5:28