My name is Kelsey Gress-Byrd and I am twenty-four years old.

I am currently working towards my bachelors degree at The University of North Carolina at Charlotte. The purpose of my multigenre project is to express what it was like losing my father through different pieces of writing and pictures. My intended audience is my Mother, my siblings, and myself.

Music: If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly

Acrostic Poem:

Forever in my heart Always on my mind

Taken way too soon

Heaven holds you now Everlasting ` Remembering you is easy

Narrative:

There is always one memory in everyones life that they can remember exactly what they were doing, or where they were at that exact moment. For me its a memory that changed my life forever. My Father had been sick for the last six months. His 49th birthday just passed and things were not looking too good for him. We had planned for him to be placed into a Hospice home that Monday, but that never happened. It was Saturday morning on November 29th 2008, and I woke up to a frantic knock on my bedroom door. It was my older sister. She had a panicked look on her face as she tried to explain to me that something was wrong with Dad. I dont know whats going on, she cried, But Mom wont let me in their room, I think something is wrong with Dad. I was barely awake when I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs to my parents room.

My Mom was crying as she stood next to my Dad holding his hand. I asked her over and over again what was going on but no words came out. My grandparents, who had been down visiting, came over early that morning and the only words my mom could get out were to her mother, Mom call Stephen and Christine and tell them to get over here now, Tommy is dying. Those words still echo in my mind today. My grandma tried to get in touch with my brother and sister but she didnt have any luck. I stood there next to my Dad telling him over and over again how much I loved him. I didnt know what else to say. When you see someone is dying what is there really to say other than how much you love them? It was too hard for my younger brothers to deal with, they didnt leave their bedrooms. I stood next to my Dad for what seemed like forever, but I cant recall how long it actually took to happen. I held onto him as I watched him start to cry. It wasnt a typical cry, the tears flowed down his face and he just laid there motionless. Dad! I cried, I love you so much. I tried telling him that itll all be okay, but the words were hard to say. I didnt know if it was all going to be okay, but I knew that soon my Dad wouldnt feel any more pain. All of sudden he took this deep breath and then it was all over.

I continued to hold on to him as I listen to my Mom break down. She kept saying Hes gone, hes gone. My older brother, Stephen, and older sister, Christine didnt get to my moms house until after the fact. They came running up the stairs into my parents room and both fell to the floor when they realized what just happened. Our father just passed away and they werent here for it. No, no! Its not fair! yelled Christine. We didnt get to say goodbye, he cant be gone, cried Stephen. My Mom tried to get my younger brothers to come in and say goodbye but it was too much for them to bear. They walked into the doorway, saw my father laying there motionless and just went back into the rooms. Memories of my childhood came swirling through my mind, I couldnt imagine not having my Dad around any more. It was raining that morning. When the people came to take my Dad away I remember my mom telling us all to stay in the family room. She didnt want her children to watch their father be taken away in a black bag. But for me, I had to see. I had to know that what just happened was real and not just a really, really bad dream. I was sitting on the countertop in my kitchen, and could see it all perfectly. I remember watching them take my Dad down the stairs and out the front door.

The moments that followed after that are a blur. I can remember every little detail up until that moment, but after he was taken from our house, its like my mind goes blank. No one really talked to each other. Everyone sat in silence, some of us cried, some of us were angry. My Mom was lost. She just lost her husband of twenty four years, and her six kids just lost their Dad. The emotions that ran through my body that day and the days that followed are a mixture of sadness and hatred. I was so angry that my Dad had to die, I was angry with the doctors for not doing more for him. I was angry with my grandma for not getting ahold of my brother and sister so that they could be there too. Being there with my Father when he passed away is something that replays in my mind all the time. It has been almost six years since he passed, but I remember everything all too vividly. Even though sometimes its hard to remember my Dad before he was sick, I wouldnt change it for the world. I was 18 when it all happened, and the only one of his six kids to be there. Witnessing what I did changed the way I would live my life forever.

I dont know where a Father goes when dies. But Ive an idea that after a good rest, he wont just sit on a cloud and wait for the girl he loved and the children she bore. Hell be busy there too, repairing the stairs, oiling the gates, improving the streets, smoothing the way.

Persuasive:

I was changing the oil in my car on Monday and I dropped the filter into the oil pan causing oil to fly everywhere- in my mouth, up my nose, and in my ear- I started crying, not because of the oil in my nose and mouth, but because I stained the garage floor. Now I know my dad was looking down and laughing, but if he were here helping me, he would have been pointing out every spot of oil on every inch of the floor making sure I cleaned it all. Normally thats something to avoid, but I would give anything to hear him say you missed a spot.
Before my father passed away I was wondering if he was scared, wondering whether he felt satisfied with his life, or if he felt he was leaving us cheated. I regret not telling him that he gave all of us kids, my mom, and Caleigh amazing lives. Grandpa said to me Monday morning Your dad was such a hard worker, and Ive never met someone that was so talented. He worked 24/7, and then after working a full 200 hour week he would come home and build forts, or bicycles, work on school projects, build a porch, or pack a house. Ive worked the 12 hour shifts, and I barely made it through the front door before I was falling asleep. Ive never met someone besides my mother who had more endurance. He didnt do it for himself, he did it for us. I wish I had thanked him more often and told him how much I appreciated him and looked up to him.

I know my dad was afraid to leave us, but he wanted us to be okay. And now that
he's gone there is an emptiness in our world, but not in our hearts. Each and every one of us have a part of him in us. Dad was stubborn, always right, and

Elizabeth, who would not admit to it (proving my point), got that from him. Its
not a bad thing, its a strength not a weakness. Dad fought for everything. Dad was always good with his hands, fixing things, building things, working with

tools, working on cars. Stephen has picked that up from him and he can now
help the boys learn also. Dad was also very intelligent, he always knew the answer to most of our questions, and if he didnt know the answer- he knew where to

find them. Which I believe to have acquired from him. Caleigh too- youre very
smart just like your grandpa. Dad was very handsome. Looking through his pictures we all noticed how much he has changed over the years, but he always

had a brightness to his face.

Devin is a spitting image of our father, and he, even at such a young age, is

becoming just as impressive of a man that Dad was. Dad had a great sense of
humor, a quick sense of wit. He had a joke, comment, expression for everything. Bryan is just as twisted as Dad. Dad always paid close attention to detail, very

organized and he was always very creative, an amazing artist. Christine, got the
artsy genes from Dad. My Dad loved my mother with all of his heart. For Christmas one year she got over 70 gifts. At times it may have annoyed Mom the

way he spoiled her, getting her a dog when she already had 25 other animals to
take care of. He wanted my Mother to have everything. He wanted all of us to have the best of everything, and he did everything in his power to make that

possible. My father was a remarkable man, and he will never be forgotten. I dont
know how to finish this because I could talk about my dad forever, but I hope he knows that we will be okay and how much we love him. Were a strong family and

thats because of him.

Informational:

Finding out that my father had cancer was one of the scariest moments in my life. We were told that he had liver cancer, but it wasnt your typical liver cancer. My father was diagnosed with neuroendocrine carcinoma of the liver. It is an extremely rare form of cancer, and because it was so rare, there werent many treatments out there. In fact, they hardly knew anything about my fathers specific type, the only treatment they could offer him were chemo shots and later morphine.

My father would go to the doctor routinely and receive his chemo shots, but they didnt
offer him much relief. The drives to and from Concord were always touch and go. My father was never excited about his shots because they were not doing very much for him. The first set of doctors told my

father that he had five years to live with this type of cancer. When the chemo shots werent doing the
trick, my father returned to the doctors and explained to them that he was miserable and unable to do anything while taking the shots. He threw up all the time, food which used to be his all-time favorite

thing, soon became a thing of the past. My Dad didnt eat and when he did it was hardly anything.
When the doctors ran more tests, the five years they promised slipped away with the blink of an eye. Five years quickly became three. When the doctors took away the chemo shots, they had

to compensate somewhere and decided that loading my father up with morphine was the next best
thing. I never really knew too much about morphine until it was prescribed to my father, and since my Father was at our house being taken care of by my mother, my siblings, and myself, we all had to learn a

thing or two.

Morphine can be used to help with long or short term pain. It

comes in different forms like liquids, pills, and topical creams.

Many cancer patients are given morphine to help ease with the severe pain. The way morphine works is, it targets the opioid receptors in the brain and central nervous system and reduces the perception of pain and the emotional response to the pain. My father was prescribed morphine in the form of a cream. When the hospice nurses came to our house to show us how to use it, they explained to us a thousand times that we needed to wear gloves

when we gave the medicine to my Dad. Because it was a cream, the

morphine would work almost instantly, he received a small amount on his wrist every few hours.

I remember one day when we were out shopping, we came

home and heard my Dad making weird noises. And when

he heard the dogs barking he started yelling Helloooo?? My mother and I went upstairs while my brothers unloaded all of the groceries and there was Dad propped up in his bed. When we got closer to his bed, we soon realized that he had gotten ahold of the tube of morphine and used the entire tube while we were gone. While it was extremely dangerous for him to have that much in one sitting, my Dad

was in a state of pure bliss. I hadnt seen him so lively in the

last few months that he had been diagnosed with cancer.

Letter:

Dear Dad,

There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about you. So much has changed in the last six years, and all I ever think about is how badly I wish you were still here. Birthdays arent the same, holidays are weird. Everyone has grown and changed so much, its almost hard to believe. Stephen, Devin, and Bryan have all turned into such great young men and it is all because they were raised by you and Mom. Christine is engaged now, who woulda thunk! Liz finally moved out of Moms, which might be an even bigger shocker than Christine being engaged. Ive made some life changing decisions recently, that I know you would be very proud of. Im a manager now at my new job and Im almost done with school. It makes me sad that you wont be there for my graduation, or you cant see my house. Ye a, I have my own place, with too many animals, just like Mom. I wish you were here to help fix things around my house, or plug my tires when I run things over. Remember the car we bought from Charlotte? My crappy

Corolla? Well because I didnt have you to remind me to change the oil in it, a few years ago Stephen was borrowing it and the engine blew. I didnt have a car for almost a
year, but then I bought my own car. I just cant believe how different things are. I remember when we still lived in our old house in New York, before we built the other one across the street, you and I were talking about the future. I remember asking you if wed be alive in 2015, because back then 2015 seemed like it was so far away. I was sitting in your lap and you said to me, Well you definitely will be but I dont know about myself. Back then it didnt mean much to me because I didnt understand what happens when we get old, but now I think about it and I cry, because you were right. Im still here and you were taken away two days after your 49th birthday. I just wish I had another chance to let you know just how much you meant to me and how I am who I am because of you. Love, Kelsey