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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 Looking into Relationships with a Religious Eye If there is an estimated 60.3 billion married couples in the United States, imagine how many married and unmarried couples there are in the world right now as I type. From that you can determine that over 120 billion people are building a relationship together, growing together, and practicing a life together or at least trying to. The question that sparks an inquisitive bone in me is whether or not these people in intimate relationships share a religion and if it makes their relationships stronger or has no effect on their devotedness. Relationships are based on common values systems and you experience this truth every day. You want to be with those who share your interests and moral ideas, said Darren Twa, author of the novel Gods Value System. Twa pointed out a very important view, which in all honesty is beyond true. But who follows this idea? Curiosity flashes like lightning before my eyes as we bring up the topic of religion in intimate relationships. And when I say intimate relationship, I am not only referring to two people engaging in sexual activity, but by intimate relationship I am signifying two people that share emotional and/or physical intimacy. So many people throw the religious card on the table, but fail to dish out their beliefs in their intimate relationships. So I plot to discover just that. How does and how is religion performing a role in intimate relationships? Before I started researching my topic, I was muddled about how shared religion makes intimate relationships stronger or weaker. Alice Fryling, spiritual leader and author of nine

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 books, once said True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate." Some people ideally do not have the same morals and beliefs, which made me more interested in how some might try to make these intimate relationships work. It has come to my vision that someone who doesnt believe in the same things as another will constantly bump heads and can lead to fights. Likewise Muslims and Christians, who often battle religion, someone who doesnt believe in what you believe could potentially be a mammoth issue unless you have a very open mind. Inter-faith relationships are starting to grow in some areas, and although most dont see a problem in this altercation, I have seen the problems arise already. For instance, if a couple decides to have children, from what faith will the child be grown into? However it seems that even if people are religious in relationships, they still tend to make their own decisions and not decisions based upon their faith. Why do people in intimate relationships make unreligious decisions? For example, pre-marital sex is one of the most practiced sins in America. "The reality of the situation is that most people had premarital sex, and it's been that way for several decades," says Lawrence Finer, director of domestic research at the Guttmacher Institute, a New York City-based non-profit organization that studies reproductive and sexual health. Just to let this sink in, according to the American Religious Identification Survey, roughly 73-80% of people are said to be Christians in America. But on the other hand, of those interviewed in 2002, 95% reported they had had premarital sex; 93% said

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 they did so by age 30, says Finer. In I Corinthians 6:9-11, Paul writes "Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. Be not deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the Kingdom of God". Fornication is sexual intercourse between two people who do not share marriage. So the question is does the practice of sin in most American relationships harm the relationship or help it? In so many relationships I have seen where people treat their religion like a buffet. They pick and choose which of the rules or commandments to put on their plate of their relationship. But how many people actually truly share the same beliefs and practice them? Mike Develin of Facebook Data Science says, 86% of married couples in America share the same religion, however according to Develin, "One interesting finding is that people are generally more willing to date people of a different religion than they are to marry them, especially in their twenties, (atd in Facebook). Why is that? If not willing to marry, why enter intimate relationships with one without the same morals or values as you? So the first question that will lead to my answer is does religion affect ones behavior? Patrick F. Fagan, PhD, Senior Fellow and Director of the Marriage and Religion Research Institute, amplifies his claim that religion is correlated with relationships, with evidence that religious belief and practice contribute substantially to the formation of personal moral criteria and sound moral judgment. Morals values and religious beliefs have seemed to come in hand. A

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 lot of people find their morals inside of what their religion portrays. For example, a Christian moral is you shouldnt engage in pre-marital sex. You hold on to a moral value in order to make decisions about what you believe is right or wrong. One might attain these morals from their religious bible, a pastor, or etc. Considerable evidence indicates that religious involvement reduces such problems as sexual permissiveness, teen pregnancy, suicide, drug abuse, alcoholism, and to some extent deviant and delinquent acts, and increases self-esteem, family cohesiveness and general well-being, says Allen Bergin, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University. Some religious influences have a modest impact whereas another portion seems like the mental equivalent of nuclear energy. More generally, social scientists are discovering the continuing power of religion to protect the family from the forces that would tear it down, claims Bergin. So we conclude that religion is a massive factor in behaviorism, which could potentially affect intimate relationships and how people in relationships react with one another. Behavior in a relationship is one of the most important aspects. Many people put a focal point on age in relationships and how different age levels have different levels of emotional maturity and what people look for inside of a relationship. However, while people are focusing on age maybe they should turn their attention to shared spirituality. Jerry M. Lewis, M.D, found that personality maturation across the lifespan has been attributed to the internalization of admirable qualities of important others. So while amongst people might believe age is a factor in relationships, it is the maturation of a couple that deciphers how issues might be handled (Lewis). Age doesnt tie a person together or creates a

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 stronger bond with someone, however believing in the same things and building morals and values together are the connection that makes a relationship have relations. To have relations with one another you must go forth in actions to build a bond with one another. From studies shown, it has been discovered that religion has psychological effects on people that therefore have effects your relationships. It is concluded that praying creates a mediating compassionate attitude that promotes health and reduces stress and depression. I have discovered that religious people grow happier in faith with their partner, it is also proven that religious people are happier than non-religious people. Ed Diener, Department of Psychology at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and Dr. Martin Seligman, American psychologist attendee of University of Pennsylvania and Princeton University, found that statistically controlling for social relationships eliminates the association between religiosity and well-being. In other words, religious people report having more social ties and if you take this into account statistically, religion by itself does not predict happiness (Steffen). A study released and produced by the Barna Group, religious studies, has actually said that atheists have a lower divorce rate. Now why might they find this true because the group expresses that religious couples are too conservative and caught up in pleasing Jesus. (Eberhart) People will enter an intimate relationship and not practice their religion, but marry someone with the same beliefs. So if most do not throw their religion in their relationship, who are they marrying? So many people set an age on entering serious relationship, but maybe they should focus on more of someone who shares the same values. Sullivan in Journal of Family

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 Psychology (atd in Mahoney) found religiosity affected couples attitudes; higher levels were associated with more conservative divorce attitudes, increased levels of marital commitment, and more willingness to seek help for marital difficulties. (Mahoney) As time moves forth in the world, realization of the shift in our generation is popular. Not only has our generation come out to be least religious, but least politically attached and more optimistic as well. These preceding rulings have been confirmed by Pew Research Center (atd in Elite). The concerning factor of this issue has said to come from being the most racially diverse generation. The millennial generation is a generation who has come to pave their own path, and least likely to conform to other peoples beliefs. Attitudes are clearly shifting with the social issues in the world and the role religion plays in these liberals lives. Though 58 percent claim to be absolutely certain that God exists, 11 percent dont believe in God at all, nearly twice as many than can be found in any other generation. Only 36 percent identify themselves as a religious person, and 54 percent are not concerned by the mounting disaffiliation from religion occurring in American society. Although a lot of people have lost hope for our generation and believe that people who dont believe in something could be hazardous, it is historically known that people hook onto a religion as they age (Elite). The future of marriage might be in the dumps. With an increasing divorce rate and recognition of how the generation is slowly changing within my own eyes, a lot of marriage failure seems prevalent. As no religion affiliation rises, many wonder will this be the last generation of certain religions. One in five Americans has claimed they are not religious. There are three

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 contradictory ideas as to why there is a rise in no religious preference. This means that one of the three might have established this trend. The first idea is the change in demography across the nation. Most people join the religion their family seems to engage in, and branch off as they grow older and create their own family. The next idea comes from whether modernization brings secularization, the transformation of a society from close identification with religious values and institutions toward nonreligious values and secular institutions. Modernization refers to the explanation of a traditional or modern society. The third notion to what might be causing the increase in nonreligious growth comes from culture wars controversies, and two different culture groups with conflicting ideas and beliefs. For example, the 9-11 incidents created a lot of tensions between the United States (built on Christian beliefs) and Islamic beliefs. (Public Data) As I came to this conclusion of how sharing a religion in an intimate relationship is important, I believe that if you believe in the same thing you should practice it. Why let your beliefs and values blow in the wind? Let your partner know what you believe in the beginning, and you wont have to waste your time if they dont believe in the same things. Also, search for someone who shares the same things as you. Why hop into an intimate relationship with someone who is expecting something different from what you have in concentration? So many people have let age difference affect a relationship, when really parents and peers should be worried about how moral values and religious factors will affect a relationship. With nonreligion sky rocketing in our generation, you can see within your own eyes how people within relationships are treated. Not only are the religious rates topping, criminal rates are at an all-time

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 high, and divorce rates have reached a peak. I now understand that religion is a huge impact on behavior which is how one acts in an intimate relationship.

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Aneisa Jones Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English (1102) 3/26/2014 Works Cited Eberhard, JT. "Study: Atheists Get Divorced Less than Deeply Religious Couples." What Would JT Do. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Mar. 2014. "Facebook Study Reveals Interesting Data about Marriage and Religion." Examiner.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Mar. 2014. Lewis, Jerry. "CME Activity." PsychiatryOnline. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Mar. 2014. Mahoney, Annette. "Religion and Conflict in Marital and Parent-Child Relationships." Mahoney. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Mar. 2014. Prothero, Stephen. "Making Interfaith Relationships Work." Oprah.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Mar. 2014. Steffen, Patrick R. "Does Compassion Mediate the Intrinsic Religion-health Relationship?" Annals of Behavioral Medicine 17.4 (1995): 368-415. Print. Twa, Darren. "God's Value System." God's Value System. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Mar. 2014.