Self-Awareness

Gestalt methods of increasing awareness

Fritz Perls (Perls, Hefferline & Goodman, 1951; Perls, 1971, 1972, 197 !, a "s#choanal#st, s"ent a long lifetime hel"ing "atients and gro$" mem%ers %ecome more aware of their "otential to disco&er and change "arts of themsel&es' (nli)e Fre$d, Perls did not loo) for childhood ca$ses of %eha&iors or feelings' He loo)ed for wa#s for the "atient to find and re*own $nconscio$s feelings, wants, and %eha&iors' He wasn+t concerned with wh# these things were hidden' He sim"l# ass$med #o$ needed to ha&e ,all the facts,**f$ll awareness**in order to co"e with life' -f #o$ ha&e sho&ed im"ortant, "ainf$l e."eriences and feelings o$t of #o$r conscio$s, and the# now o"erate $nconscio$sl#, how can #o$ "ossi%l# ma)e intelligent decisions and ad/$st to the sit$ation0 1o$ don+t see things realisticall#; #o$ don+t )now #o$r own needs; #o$ don+t res"ond a""ro"riatel#' Gestaltists tr# to hel" "eo"le wor) thro$gh their ,$nfinished %$siness', 2his means %ecoming aware of old h$rts, fears, needs, and resentments which are still ali&e %$t %$ried in #o$r $nconscio$s and which contin$e to distort #o$r &iew of realit#' Fritz Perls and other Gestalt thera"ists de&elo"ed se&eral methods (e."eriences! for increasing awareness of these re"ressed emotional e."eriences that secretl# disr$"t o$r li&es, carr# o&er the "ast into the ,here and now,, ca$se ne$roticism, interfere with decision*ma)ing, etc' 3ome of these methods are descri%ed here for #o$ to tr#' 4i)e all insight thera"ies, Gestaltists em"hasize ,)now th#self, and ,the tr$th will ma)e #o$ free', 1et, Gestaltists don+t as) their "atients ,why did #o$ do that0, %eca$se it aro$ses defenses and enco$rages rationalizations' -nstead, the# as) their "atients to e."erience all of their sel&es, to acce"t all their alienated "arts (as in method 51! and, th$s, %ecome whole**a gestalt' 3imilar to Fre$d+s ass$m"tion that insights will a$tomaticall# %e $sed, it was an Gestaltist notion that we h$mans will int$iti&el# ma)e good decisions if we are "la#ing with ,all o$r mar%les,, i'e' if we reall# are aware of the ,$nfinished emotional %$siness, and $nconscio$s dri&es that are going on inside of $s' 2h$s, a %asic "rinci"le of Gestalt thera"# is to let #o$r nat$ral wisdom or int$ition flow**sto" thin)ing a%o$t what #o$ ,sho$ld do, or ,sho$ld ha&e done, and do what ,feels right', Gestaltists s$ggest other health# attit$des6 (1! ass$ming res"onsi%ilit# for all of #o$r self**#o$r traits, decisions, feelings, and actions, (2! %eing #o$r tr$e self, #o$r own "erson, inde"endent**not conforming to others+ e."ectations, and (7! li&ing in the here and now**not regretting the "ast, not o%sessing a%o$t wh# we did something, not tr#ing to "lan and control e&er#thing in the f$t$re, %$t %eing in to$ch with o$r feelings and what is going on right now aro$nd $s'

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you. And I am I. -Fritz Perls

Gestaltists, while stressing self*res"onsi%ilit#, feel that self*hel" "roced$res and techni8$es are of little &al$e' 9h#0 :eca$se the# %elie&e that self*im"ro&ement "its one "art of #o$, the "art that wants to change, against another "art, the "art that wants to remain the same' 3o e&en if self*hel" methods force a change o&er the resistance of another "art of #o$, s$ch as weight loss or %eing more asserti&e, #o$ are li)el# to re&ert %ac) to %eing o&er*weight or "assi&e after the self*hel" "ro/ect is o&er' -nstead, Gestaltists s$ggest getting to )now %oth the ,- want*to*im"ro&e, and the ,-* don+t*want*to*change, "arts &er# well, and then doing what feels right' :# not "$shing for self*change, Gestalt thera"ists hel" each client find his;her $ni8$e %arriers to self*im"ro&ement' <nce the emotional %arriers are )nown, the "ro%lem resol&es itself' (%elie&e the# ha&e a "oint, %$t we still need methods for getting in to$ch with o$r conflicting "arts and $nfinished %$siness'! Purposes 2o increase #o$r awareness of three ,worlds, where #o$r conscio$sness s"ends time6 the o$tside world, the inner world of feelings, and another inner world of "lans, memories, and tho$ghts' 2o hel" #o$ recognize the "oc)ets of ,$nfinished %$siness, in #o$r gar%age %ag, so #o$ %ecome more rational and effecti&e' 2o teach #o$ some techni8$es for gaining greater awareness of $nconscio$s feelings and needs' Gestalt thera"# is not techni8$e*oriented, it is "rocess*oriented' :$t there are techni8$es or ,e."eriences, which aid the "rocess of insight and awareness'

Steps 32=P <>=6 Becoming more aware of the full range of experiences possible in the here and now. What is the focus of your awareness? 1o$ realize, of co$rse, that h$ndreds of things are a&aila%le for #o$ to attend to at an# moment6 sensations from all #o$r senses, o%ser&ing the en&ironment or #o$r actions or emotions, ha&ing fantasies, memories, "lans and man# other tho$ghts' 1o$ notice &er# little of all that is a&aila%le' 2his selection "rocess is instantaneo$s, constant, and mostl# $nconscio$s' 4et+s see if we can clarif# for #o$ what #o$ tend to foc$s on'''and what #o$ e.cl$de from awareness' :egin %# o%ser&ing what #o$ %ecome aware of d$ring two min$tes of ,8$iet time,, i'e' no 2? %laring, no lo$d m$sic, no one

n$de wal)ing %#, no "ressing "h#sical needs, no demands to decide what to eat for s$""er, and so on' -f #o$ need a little str$ct$re, then sa# to #o$rself, ,@t this moment, -+m aware of''', or ,Here and now, - notice'''', Please, do this e.ercise (two min$tes! %efore reading on' >ow, as) #o$rself6 9hich of the three "ossi%le worlds did foc$s on the most0 (1! Aogniti&e world6 inside #o$r head** tho$ghts, fantasies, "ro%lems, "lans for f$t$re, remem%ering the "ast, etc' Bid #o$ rehearse dealing with some sit$ation0 (2! @ffecti&e world6 inside #o$r %od#**"h#sical sensations, emotions, and feelings' Bid #o$ notice #o$r "h#siological res"onses, s$ch as heart rate, ner&o$sness, m$scle tension or twitches, tiredness, $"set stomach, sweating, etc'0 (7! <$tside world6 the en&ironment**so$nds, sights, tem"erat$re, o%ser&ation of e&ents or other "eo"le' Bid #o$ attend to distant noises, to o%/ects #o$ had "re&io$sl# o&erloo)ed0 9hich world did #o$ foc$s on the least0 Gestaltists %elie&e we li&e too m$ch in o$r heads and a&oid sensations in o$r %odies' 2h$s, the sa#ing, ,lose #o$r mind, gain #o$r senses', -n o$r c$lt$re we tend to disregard what is going on in o$r %odies (that is wh# Gestalt thera"ists "a# so m$ch attention to the "atient+s gest$res, mannerisms, and %od# lang$age! %$t do an e.cessi&e amo$nt of head*tri""ing, i'e' tr#ing to reason, "lot, mani"$late, and self*hel" o$r wa# o$t of a "ro%lem' 9itho$t %eing clearl# aware of the com"le. and conflict$al feelings in o$r %od# and in o$r ,$nfinished %$siness,, o$r co"ing will %e im"aired' @wareness is not eas# to gain, howe&er' 1o$r tas) is to %ecome o"en to all feelings and sensations in #o$, to "ercei&e the en&ironment in detail, to %e a f$ll# e."eriencing "erson' 3tart "racticing increasing #o$r awareness' 2r# to see and note details in a familiar sit$ation #o$ ne&er noticed %efore' >otice facial e."ressions, e#e mo&ement, %od# lang$age, tone of &oice, the little wa#s we signal ,it is #o$r t$rn to tal), or ,it is time for me to go', >otice #o$r hand gest$res, e#e mo&ements, "h#siological and emotional res"onses, #o$r feelings when to$ched or challenged, etc' Ce&iew #o$r histor# and tr# to $nco&er the origins of #o$r feelings and reactions to certain "eo"le or sit$ations**loo) for the ,$nfinished %$siness', @lso, "ractice descri%ing in detail an interaction #o$ ha&e recentl# had with someone' >ote what is eas# for #o$ to foc$s on and descri%e, and which as"ects of the sit$ation #o$ tend to neglect or a&oid' @ friend can hel" #o$ realize what #o$ o&erloo)' :odil# sensations and %od# lang$age are "ee" holes into o$r hidden conflicts and feelings' 3o #o$ can see wh#, as the "atient is tal)ing a%o$t a concern, Gestalt thera"ists are constantl# commenting, ,9hat are #o$ feeling0,, ,9hat is #o$r foot doing0,, ,1o$r hand is ma)ing a fist, what is it feeling0,, ,9hat does it mean when #o$ stretch li)e that0,, ,3ta# with the feeling of g$ilt and see where it leads #o$,, ,9hat do #o$ want to ha""en0, and so on' 2here is no reason wh# #o$ can+t constantl# as) #o$rself, ,9hat is going on inside me0, and, th$s, %ecome more self*aware'

-t is also im"ortant to o%ser&e an# resistance #o$ ha&e to increasing #o$r o%ser&ational "owers and #o$r awareness' @re #o$ $ninterested or %ored with "racticing to increase #o$r awareness0 @re #o$ made an.io$s %# these tas)s0 @re #o$ sa#ing, ,-+m "erce"ti&e and aware eno$ghD,0 -f #o$ are resisting, #o$ "ro%a%l# do tend to a&oid facing some $n"leasant feelings' 2he feelings, "eo"le, and sit$ations in the "ast that most $"set #o$ are "ro%a%l# #o$r ,$nfinished %$siness,**the ones that are inhi%iting #o$ from %eing a f$ll# and acc$ratel# e."eriencing "erson e&er# moment of #o$r life' @nother "$r"ose of these Gestalt e.ercises is to clarif# for #o$ the difference %etween (1! ha&ing an immediate e."erience** ha&ing the feelings f$ll# here and now**and (2! gi&ing a ,clinical, descri"tion**$nemotional, cold and cogniti&e**of the feelings to a friend' - notice when - share a "ainf$l e."erience (di&orce, a tro$%led child, a fail$re! with a gro$" or friend, e&en tho$gh - am gen$ine, com"letel# honest, and feeling &er# emotional inside, it fre8$entl# so$nds li)e -+m descri%ing a "atient' 2his distancing** called intellect$alization**is another wa# of a&oiding intense emotions, and ma#%e a wa# of gaining some control o&er threatening feelings, s$ch as cr#ing' >otice the difference %etween sa#ing, ,- feel reall# angr#**m# arms are tense, m# stomach has a )not in it, -+m "ers"iring and thin)ing +9hat an 3<: EEEEE is+, and sa#ing, ,Fost "eo"le wo$ld find EEEEE 8$ite irritating', -f - or an# "erson denied and intellect$alized all the time, ne&er directl# e."eriencing or seldom admitting the feelings, it wo$ld s$rel# reflect ,$nfinished %$siness, and red$ce awareness and co"ing s)ills in certain sit$ations' Gee" in to$ch with all #o$r "arts' :e#ond attending to %od# lang$age, feelings, and wants, Gestaltists "rescri%e learning e."eriences or homewor), s$ch as ha&ing a gro$" hold, comfort and feed an inhi%ited, aloof, $nemotional man (to get him in to$ch with childish de"endenc# again!, ha&ing a de"endent woman with a wea), whin# &oice to tal) li)e a little girl (to recognize how her hel"lessness is $sed!, ha&ing a sh#, self*de"reciating "erson wal) aro$nd the room li)e he;she had /$st gotten an @ in a to$gh co$rse (to recognize and acce"t feeling "ro$d!, ha&ing gro$" mem%ers imagine %eing an animal (to see if the choice reflects "ersonal traits or wishes!, ha&ing a sh# "erson grad$all# e."lore %eing more socia%le, and so on (Gilliland, et al', 19H9!' Gestaltists also ma)e $se of dreams (see method 5 !, imagination (ne.t ste"!, g$ided fantas# (method 55c!, loo)ing for the o""osites (ne.t ste"!, the em"t# chair (see ste" 7!, and man# other techni8$es for finding "arts of o$rsel&es' Fost of these things #o$ can do #o$rself' :eing aware is not /$st noting the details of what is ha""ening for a few min$tes; it is a contin$o$s wa# of life' -t is an o"enness to e&er#thing aro$nd #o$ and within #o$' -t ta)es "ractice' =."lore #o$r worlds**all three of them**and o%ser&e details6 ,sto" and smell the roses;, see the lines and mo&ement of a familiar face; anal#ze the "ain of re/ection into fear, sadness, remem%ered /o#, anger, ho"e, etc'; when #o$ are attracted or anno#ed %# someone as) who or what he;she reminds #o$ of, and on and on'

@fter this e.ercise, some "eo"le re"ort feeling as tho$gh the# had ne&er f$ll# e."erienced themsel&es %efore, sa#ing, ,- ne&er realized there were so man# feelings and sensations inside m# %od#**heart %eating, m$scles tensing and twitching, m#self to$ching and scratching, e#es %lin)ing, %reathing, e#es tiring, "ants tightening, %od# rela.ing, all intermingling with a constant stream of emotions', 32=P 29<6 Looking for the opposites. Thinking more freely' 2his e."erience is %ased on the ass$m"tion that e&er#thing has an o""osite' -n order to )now ha""iness, one m$st ha&e )nown sadness' -n order to recognize greed, one m$st )now there is another wa#**generosit#' 2he Gestaltists %elie&e that we are often aware of one feeling or wish or $rge to res"ond a certain wa#, %$t $naware of other feelings, wishes or $rges, incl$ding the o""osite of what is on o$r mind' Cemem%er the e.am"le of %oth wanting and not wanting some self*im"ro&ement' 2he o%/ecti&e is to %ecome aware of all #o$r "arts and the conflicts among these com"eting $rges and wishes, and in this wa# free $" #o$r thin)ing' Perls, Hefferline and Goodman (1951! s$ggest imagining things in alternati&e or o""osite wa#s' =.am"les6 -f #o$ are short, imagine %eing tall' -f #o$ are honest, imagine l#ing' -f #o$ are a gi&ing, lo&ing "erson, imagine %eing in dire need of hel" and lo&e' -f #o$ are a man, imagine %eing a woman' -magine what might ha&e ha""ened if #o$ had said ,#es, instead of ,no, in some im"ortant decision' -f #o$ %elie&e something strongl#, imagine it isn+t so' -magine disli)ing a "erson #o$ ordinaril# li)e or lo&e' 2hin) a%o$t the "ossi%ilit# that one "erson+s gain is li)el# to %e some%od# else+s loss, s$ch as #o$r getting a new /o% ma# mean someone lost the /o% and;or others failed to get the /o%, or the more of the com"an#+s "rofits go to the e.ec$ti&es, the less mone# there is for the cler)s+ and /anitors+ wages, or the steel in #o$r new car ma# ha&e come from a defaced mo$ntain side, or #o$r %ea$tif$l f$rnit$re means a tree was c$t, or #o$r lo%ster dinner means the death of an animal and less mone# to red$ce world h$nger, and so on' <ther e.am"les to "ractice6 -f #o$ feel inferior, as) if #o$ don+t also feel s$"erior' -f #o$ %elie&e #o$ are attracti&e, loo) for wa#s #o$ thin) #o$ are $nattracti&e' -f #o$ are alwa#s sweet and nice to others (lots of so$thern hos"italit#!, search for #o$r resentment and distr$st of others' 2a)e a common fantas#, sa# %eing committed and de&oted to someone, and loo) for $rges in the o""osite direction, sa# to $se and d$m" him;her' -f #o$ da#dream a%o$t %eing a fail$re, loo) for signs of #o$r "otential' -f #o$ dream of %eing great, loo) for fr$strations in #o$r e&er#da# life' Ce&erse roles with #o$r s"o$se or "arents' :e fle.i%le' 4oosen $"' (se #o$r imagination and let #o$r feelings flow with the fantasies' >e.t, these a$thors s$ggest #o$ foc$s on some s"ecific tro$%lesome sit$ation' First, get in to$ch with #o$r $s$al wa#s of "ercei&ing, acting in, and feeling a%o$t that sit$ation' Bo this long eno$gh so that #o$r c$rrent &iews and reactions are clear' 3econd, com"letel# re&erse the sit$ation, i'e' imagine the o""osite &iews (if

#o$ see it negati&el#, &iew it "ositi&el#!, the o""osite actions (if #o$ are 8$iet, %e acti&e!, and emotions (if #o$ are angr#, %e indifferent!' 2hird, after e."eriencing %oth wa#s of seeing and reacting to the sit$ation, tr# to find some ,middle gro$nd', -f "ossi%le, stand on this middle gro$nd %etween the two o""osite reactions witho$t /$dging either e.treme' Gi&e e8$al attention to each wa# of reacting, &iew each in detail with sensiti&it# and a""reciation' 2his is called ,centering', 2he intent of this e.ercise is to free $" #o$r thin)ing and e."ose #o$ to different alternati&es, factors, and relationshi"s #o$ had not seen %efore' 9ith this greater awareness sho$ld come clearer $nderstanding and %etter sol$tions' Perha"s #o$ will also gain some insight into #o$r resistance to thin)ing fle.i%l# and seeing the o""osites' Bid #o$ e."erience an.iet#, disg$st or %oredom while searching for an# of the o""osites0 2hese reactions might %e cl$es to fears that )ee" #o$ from seeing things differentl# or from re*claiming the "arts of #o$rself #o$ ha&e disowned' 3elf* awareness is &er# im"ortant' Perls, Hefferline and Goodman cite se&eral case ill$strations, incl$ding a #o$ng man who was eagerl# awaiting his wedding date' His fiancee was st$d#ing a%road' He missed her terri%l# and s"o)e glowingl# of his %ride*to*%e and of marriage' His thera"ist as)ed him to go loo) for the o""osites' He resisted %$t finall# ac)nowledged she had some fa$lts that might s"ell tro$%le in the f$t$re' @lso, he had some financial worries, man# demands on his time, and an interest in dating for a few more #ears' For the first time, he got in to$ch with some im"ortant feelings that had %een drowned o$t %# his "ositi&e feelings' He still decided to get married %$t realized these other feelings needed to %e dealt with too'

Self-Awareness, Part 2
32=P 2HC==6 The empty chair techni ue! a simple means of exploring your feelings. 9hen #o$ go see a Gestalt thera"ist, the office will $s$all# ha&e an e.tra chair**an em"t# chair' 2his chair ser&es an im"ortant f$nction' 2he thera"ist ma# as) #o$ to imagine holding a con&ersation with someone or something imagined to %e in the em"t# chair' 2h$s, the ,em"t# chair techni8$e, stim$lates #o$r thin)ing, highlighting #o$r emotions and attit$des' For e.am"le, the thera"ist ma# sa#, ,-magine #o$r father in this chair (a%o$t 7 feet awa#!, see him &i&idl#, and, now, tal) to him a%o$t how #o$ felt when he was $nfaithf$l to #o$r mother', 2here are inn$mera%le other "eo"le, o%/ects (#o$r car or wedding ring!, "arts of #o$r "ersonalit# (critical "arent, nat$ral child, intro&ersion, o%session with wor)!, an# of #o$r emotions, s#m"toms (headaches, fatig$e!, an# as"ect of a dream, a stereot#"e (%lac)s, macho males, inde"endent women!, and so on that #o$ can imagine in the em"t# chair' 2he )e# is a long, detailed, emotional interaction**a con&ersation' 1o$ sho$ld shift %ac) and forth %etween chairs as

#o$ also s"ea) for the "erson*trait*o%/ect in the other chair' 2his ,con&ersation, clarifies #o$r feelings and reactions to the other "erson and ma# increase #o$r $nderstanding of the other "erson' -f #o$ imagine an#thing in the other chair that gi&es #o$ diffic$lt#, e'g' a "erson $"setting #o$, a hated assignment, a goal that is hard to reach, a disli)ed %oss or a$thorit#, a tem"tation to do something wrong, )ee" in mind that this "erson or desire is reall# a "art of #o$ right now**it is your fantas#, your tho$ghts' 1o$ ma# disown it, e&en disli)e it, and thin) of it as foreign to #o$, li)e a ,mean old man,, ,the messed $" s#stem,, ,:ill, the self* centered /er),, ,a desire to r$n awa#,, ,the %oring, st$"id %oo) ha&e to read,, etc', %$t o%&io$sl# the things said and felt %# #o$ in %oth chairs are "arts of #o$ here and now' 1o$r images, memories, emotions, /$dgments, e."ectations a%o$t the other "erson or thing are #o$rsD 1o$ ha&e created this image that $"sets #o$ (altho$gh it is "ro%a%l# %ased on some e.ternal realit#!' @nd this conflict e.ists inside #o$; it+s of #o$r own ma)ing; it+s #o$rs to deal with' @s long as #o$ %elie&e, howe&er, that the tro$%le lies with someone or something else**#o$r famil#, the st$"id school, societ#, ,men,;,women,, not ha&ing eno$gh mone#, #o$r awf$l /o%**#o$ will do &er# little to change' 1o$ /$st com"lain and feel fr$strated' 3omeone else is seen are res"onsi%le for sol&ing your "ro%lem' @s Fritz Perls wo$ld sa#, ,2hat+s cra"D @ss$me res"onsi%ilit# for #o$r own diffic$lties, own them, e."lore them**all sides, feel them to the f$llest, then ma)e choices and find #o$r wa# o$t of #o$r own messes', 2he Gestaltists (3te&ens, 1977! "oint o$t that we are $s$all# identified with onl# one side of an internal conflict' -f we can get in to$ch with %oth sides**own %oth &iews**the diffic$lt# can %e resol&ed witho$t force, the sol$tion /$st $nfolds nat$rall#' 3ome e.am"les ma# hel"6 @s mentioned %efore, in self*im"ro&ement what #o$ want to %e often conflicts with what #o$ are' Forcing #o$rself to im"ro&e in&ol&es %ecoming "reocc$"ied with changing and;or with failing' 1o$ are $na%le to f$ll# e."erience and acce"t what #o$ are here and now' -f, instead, #o$ were a%le to e."erience all #o$r feelings and conflicting wants, then reasona%le choices will s$""osedl# %e made to meet #o$r needs witho$t ,force,, ,will "ower,, or ,determination', - do$%t that awareness alwa#s res$lts in effortless resol$tion of conflicts and growth, as Gestalt thera"ists claim, %$t certainl# it is more hel"f$l to %e aware then ignorant' @nother common conflict fre8$entl# emerges if #o$ imagine #o$rself in the em"t# chair and tr# to descri%e #o$rself' 2r# it''' >otice if #o$r descri"tion %ecame critical' Gestaltists refer to a "art of o$r "ersonalit# called o$r ,to" dog, and another called o$r ,$nder dog', 2he to" dog is critical, demanding, controlling, "$shing for change; the $nder dog feels whi""ed, "$shed aro$nd, wea), resentf$l, tense and $ndermines to" dog %# "la#ing hel"less, ,- can+t do that' Aan #o$ hel" me0, -t is im"ortant to )now %oth "arts well' 1o$ are res"onsi%le for %oth' 2heir differences can %e wor)ed o$t; %oth are tr#ing to hel" #o$'

Few Gestalt methods ha&e %een e&al$ated %$t a small recent st$d# s$ggested that the em"t# chair techni8$e is effecti&e (Pai&io & Green%erg, 1995!' 9e need h$ndreds of more st$dies of s"ecific self*hel" or thera"e$tic methods'

32=P F<(C6 "ccept responsibility for the choices you make' :egin this e."erience %# com"leting these sentences with se&eral res"onses6 1' - had to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' 2' - can+t EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' 7' - need EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' I' -+m afraid to EEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' 5' -+m $na%le to EEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

Do this before reading on; otherwise, you are likely to miss the point.

>ow, go %ac) and tr# s$%stit$ting these words for the fi&e %eginnings a%o&e6

1. - chose to'''instead of - had to'''(whatever you filled in

above! 2. - won+t'''instead of - can+t'''(whatever you filled in above! 3. - want'''instead of - need'''(whatever you filled in above! 4. -+d li)e to'''instead of -+m afraid to'''(whatever you filled in above! 5' -+m $nwilling to wor) hard eno$gh to'''instead of -+m $na%le to''' (whatever you filled in above! Bo #o$ see how #o$ might act$all# %e den#ing the res"onsi%ilit# for man# of #o$r choices, wants, fears and wea)nesses0 -t is im"ortant to see how this )ind of thin)ing (and s$%tle $se of certain words! can contri%$te to $s feeling less free, less a%le, less satisfied with o$rsel&es' -n this wa#, we start to %elie&e we ha&e few choices and little "ower' 9e %ecome $nrealisticall# wea) and "assi&e' -n realit#, we often (%$t not alwa#s! ha&e man# choices and m$ch "ower' Fritz Perls was a cr$st# old man who had little "atience for "eo"le who ,"la#ed

hel"less, to mani"$late others' He wo$ld sa#, ,Grow $" and wi"e #o$r own ass', 2hat "$ts it %l$ntl#'

32=P F-?=6 Working through unfinished business! #nco$ering the repressed feelings that still mess up your life. J$st as #o$ are almost alwa#s thin)ing something, #o$ are almost alwa#s feeling something, e&en tho$gh #o$ ,don+t "a# it m$ch mind', F$rthermore, what #o$ are now feeling is infl$enced %# emotional ,lefto&ers, from "re&io$s e."eriences' Gestaltists don+t anal#ze ,$nfinished %$siness,, the# s$ggest #o$ re* e."erience it, to get in to$ch with the ,lefto&er gar%age', =.am"les6 a middle*aged woman, who distr$sts men e.cessi&el#, disco&ers that the ,gar%age, from an irres"onsi%le, re/ecting father is still acti&e' @ 55*#ear*old man, who is tense and sensiti&e to criticism, realizes that g$ilt a%o$t not "ro&iding %etter for his ailing "arents is &er# ali&e' J$st li)e %eha&iors, feelings come from somewhere' 2o $nderstand emotions it is also im"ortant to realize that one emotion sometimes conceals another emotion' =.am"les6 mild emotions ma# co&er $" strong ones**as we saw in cha"ter , %oredom ma# conceal de"ression, disinterest in se. ma# conceal anger, withdrawal ma# hide self*de"reciation' 9e all realize that how we see others or the world often reflects how we feel a%o$t o$rsel&es' @ "erson who feels ca"a%le is $s$all# o"timistic a%o$t others' -f we thin) we are dece"ti&e and dishonest, we are $nli)el# to tr$st others' -ntense emotions often co&er $" other strong emotions; c$rrent emotions often hide old ones; emotions often thinl# &eil a strong need or want' F$riel 3chiffman (1971! descri%es an e."eriential techni8$e for $nco&ering the re"ressed ,gar%age, that is smelling $" #o$r ,here and now', 2r# this sometime when #o$ ha&e a strong unwanted emotion, "erha"s sadness, anger, loneliness, insec$rit#, etc' First, let #o$rself go and feel the emotion f$ll strength, no matter how $nreasona%le, immoral, dangero$s, or craz# it is' (=moting "ri&atel#**#elling, cr#ing, writing, fantasizing**doesn+t h$rt an#one'! 3econd, go looking for concealed emotions, as)ing, ,Bo also feel something else0, Cemem%er the classic e.am"les of intense emotions6 cr#ing hides anger, de"endenc# s$""resses anger, e.cessi&e smiles conceal de"ression, "h#sical com"laints %elie an.iet#, anger o&ershadows fears, feelings for one "erson are dis"laced to another, and so on' 2hird, also investigate your bodily sensations and your emotions for more subtle additional feelings , e'g' some anger that #o$r friend doesn+t lift #o$r sadness, a slight satisfaction when someone fails, a to$ch of /ealo$s# when #o$ are left alone, a flic)er of se.$al aro$sal when #o$ hear of a se.$all# immoral act, a to$ch of resentment when #o$ concede to or do a fa&or for someone, etc' =."lore these other feelings and see where the# ta)e #o$'

Fo$rth, ask yourself, "What do these current feelings and the situation remind me of in the past? , Ha&e - %een here %efore0 9hat was m# most intense similar e."erience0 9hat was m# earliest similar e."erience0 9hat do the c$rrent words, actions, loo)s, feelings, etc' ma)e me thin) of0 Re-live the earlier experiences o&er and o&er $ntil the strong emotions are drained and #o$ can see more clearl# the connection**the wholeness** %etween the "ast e."erience and the c$rrent feelings' Bon+t tr# to intellect$all# $nderstand the "re&io$s e."erience, /$st tr# to get in to$ch with all the lefto&er emotions and memories still in #o$r gar%age %ag' 3chiffman s$ggests fo$r good wa#s to $nco&er hidden feelings6 (a! tal) to friends a%o$t c$rrent and "re&io$s sit$ations, (%! write o$t #o$r feelings and read them later to see what memories come to mind, (c! while alone re*e."erience c$rrent and "re&io$s sit$ations in &i&id fantas#, and (d! what she calls ,snea)ing $" on the hidden feelings,, where #o$ ta)e an# strong emotion, sa# from a film or a %oo), and as), ,9hat other feelings (%esides the strong emotion descri%ed in the %oo)! do - ha&e0, and ,9hat real*life e."eriences does this emotional scene remind me of0, =."erience these $nco&ered feelings f$ll#, %ecome aware of how the# are still infl$encing #o$r life' Fifth, after $sing this "roced$re se&eral times (in a co$"le of wee)s!, as) #o$rself if there is a pattern to your garbage' =.am"les6 Boes anger $s$all# follow m# feeling g$ilt#0 Bo - resent s$%missi&eness li)e - saw in m# mother0 Bo - feel li)e - sho$ld resc$e all men who $se dr$gs li)e m# fa&orite %rother0 Bo - $s$all# cr# instead of getting mad0 Bo - t$rn ,cold, instead of dealing with the "ro%lem0 Bo - fre8$entl# dis"lace m# anger0 Bo - den# the same emotion o&er and o&er again0 <nce aware of #o$r ,$nfinished %$siness,, #o$ can ma)e $se of this information to control #o$r $nreasona%le reactions' 2he ne.t time #o$ o&er*res"ond emotionall#, remind #o$rself of the emotional gar%age #o$ %ring to the sit$ation' 3a# to #o$rself, ,it+s not the orders from the %oss that are %$gging me, it is m# resentment of m# dad+s criticism, or ,-+m res"onding to that woman as if she were m# mother, or ,/$st %eca$se - was d$m"ed %# EEEEE doesn+t mean EEEEE will d$m" me', Time in$ol$ed <"ening o$r minds to man# hidden e."eriences and feelings** de&elo"ing a new e."eriential world**is time cons$ming, s$rel# wee)s or ma#%e months' 3ome of the techni8$es, li)e the em"t# chair $sed in a s"ecific sit$ation, ma# ta)e onl# 1K to 7K min$tes, %$t se&eral techni8$es will need to %e a""lied to scores of different emotions and $"setting sit$ations %efore great new awareness characterizes m$ch of #o$r life' @ttending to the ,here and now, and wor)ing thro$gh ,$nfinished %$siness, is ne&er ending' 3o, get started' %ommon problems -t wo$ld %e foolish to ass$me that "ainf$l e."eriences re"ressed %eca$se the# h$rt a lot co$ld %e easil# $nco&ered doing

a "la#f$l e.ercise for f$n' 2o ,work through , a conflict #o$ "ro%a%l# need to %e 8$ite fr$strated with a "art of #o$r life and determined to $nderstand what is going on' =&en then, insights ma# not come eas# or e&er' 3ome "eo"le do not ha&e the "s#chological mindedness or imager# necessar# to e."lore the $nconscio$s for hidden feelings' @lso, Gestalt thera"ists are directi&e**the# tell the "atient what to do to gain awareness' 2he techni8$es ma# not wor) as well when the# are %oo)* or self*directed' <n the other hand, Gestaltists em"hasize %eing self*res"onsi%le' :$t no one is in com"lete control of his;her re"ressed emotional life' Bon+t demand or e."ect too m$ch from these methods' 4astl#, there are two "ro%lems with the notion that awareness is c$rati&e6 (1! there is no scientific "roof that )nowing all the feelings inside #o$ will a$tomaticall# lead to s$"erior ad/$stment and (2! if awareness does not necessaril# im"ro&e ad/$stment, some "eo"le ma# %ecome a%sor%ed with /$st $nco&ering hidden feelings, sort of "er"et$al "s#chological wallowing in emotional gar%age, and neglect ma)ing act$al self* im"ro&ements' 3o, the other "s#chological self*hel" techni8$es might %e needed after all' &ffecti$eness' ad$antages and dangers Gestalt thera"ists are more artists than researchers' Alinical e."erience and man# case st$dies testif# to the effecti&eness of their methods, %$t there is little o%/ecti&e research on Gestalt thera"#' Hardl# an# research e.ists on the self*a""lication of Gestalt techni8$es' Howe&er, their %oo)s are interesting, "o"$lar reading and recommend self*a""lication' 2he techni8$es are intrig$ing to most "eo"le' (nco&ering alwa#s in&ol&es some ris)s ("res$ma%l# not as man# as lea&ing the feelings hidden!' :eca$se o$r gar%age is ine&ita%l# distastef$l to $s, r$%%ing o$r noses in it &ia new awareness ma# %e, for some "eo"le, a &er# emotional e."erience' Cemem%er6 increased awareness ma# incl$de increased self* criticism' Gaining insight is the )ind of e."erience that ma# %est %e done with a thera"ist' 3o, if #o$ %ecome $"set, it certainl# s$ggests #o$ need to get the $nfinished %$siness cleared $", %$t with an e."erienced co$nselor+s hel" in $nco&ering and then cogniti&el# and affecti&el# integrating the new awarenesses' 2he ris)s are no greater, howe&er, than for most other methods'