.3Jamal C.

Murchison
Ms. Linda Hofmann
English 1102
April 23, 2012

Dear Ms. Hofmann,

Feedback has been an essential part of my writing this semester. Weve been giving and
getting feedback in almost every class. When we give feedback, it helps ourselves and
classmates. In giving feedback, I helped Jessica Hailey realize that her inquiry essay was a little
too strong with military terminology. I stated: I found this very interesting (mostly because I
enjoy topics like this.) The terminology and names may be a bit much for the average reader.
The overall structure and connection was great. My advice for you is to get the reader thinking
and engaged in the essay a bit more. The dialogue is perfect. The dialogue sets off a stern
atmosphere. I helpd give feedback to Karla Kahler in telling her that she had a good start and
good structure within her inquiry essay. I also made sure to tell Stephanie Smith how good her
inquiry introduction was.
I was really caught off guard with some of the feedback that I received. Blake Campbell
and Francis Olave told me: The paper is very unique and does not follow the traditional thesis-
proof essay. We like how you keep the reader engaged with asking questions. There is not a lot
of background here. The first 3 paragraphs are explaining a scenario and the outcome is unclear.
Your information is present in the essay, but its in the wrong order. The writer seems very
energetic and it engages the reader. The tone is very easy reading. The organization of the essay
is off. The paragraphs are solid, but they should be reorganized. The writer has proven his
interest by including himself in the essay. It is very engaging. Most of the critiquing, I knew I
had to do. I was just confused on why they wanted me to change my structure/organization. I
really appreciated the feedback though. I was also glad to see that Stephanie Smith enjoyed my
essay, considering how good hers was.
Some of the writings we did in class were pretty interesting. In enjoyed the Sin-Free Ale,
the Fishermans story, and the Technology and Deaf article. Those three articles make me think
overall. They all provide a look into cultures I dont know much about. They make you realize
how much diversity you have around you on a daily basis. Since reading these articles, I have
used some of the thoughts and talked about it in conversations with friends and family.
We really did a lot of outside assignments this semester. I didnt put as much effort in my
assignments in the beginning. I did, however, shift my focus to get serious. Early on, we had to
do an Evaluative Bibliography. I was a little worried when I saw that we had to do this
assignment. My strength in not in creating Bibliographies and not knowing how to properly
construct it has gotten me in trouble in the past. So I really paid close attention to all the
information that I put in. I tried my best, but I really dont think that my bibliography is too
strong. All five of my sources were present, but I wasnt very confident in them. Most of my
information and research came from interviews/emails, but I received positive feedback from my
classmates. My favorite assignment was the inquiry draft. When the draft was first assigned, I
knew it would be short in length. I had not done my interviews and they really make my essay
more credible. With that knowledge, I really worked on my introduction. I did not want to bore
the reader. After we shared introductions in class, I felt good about the approach I took. When it
came to conclusions, I got mixed reviews. I sort of left the conclusion hanging while I focused
on the introduction. I first ended: Just think back. What made you prepared for college? Every
student that attends a college got there on a different path. "The Big Picture: Schools Tailored
toStudents Individual Needs, an article published in USA Today, explains that Big Picture
students are accepted into college one hundred percent of the time (USA Today 2004). Every
student in the traditional education system will not make it to college. Congratulations, you
made it. Its often that we associate not going to college with a students work ethic, but is that
always the underlying reason? No. Just think to yourself about how many students in the
traditional education system have not or will never make it to college because of the education
system they were exposed to. Now tell me, where do the benefits really lie? My peers said that it
was a good conclusion, but it is obviously not good. I am clearly trying to make an argument for
tailored education. So after realizing this, with the help of Ms. Hofmann, I changed it to fit the
requirements of a true inquiry essay.
Reading the introduction and essay examples presented by Ballinger was really helpful.
Ballenger helped me to construct my introduction. In the past, I have only written research
papers. After reading the curious writer, I realized that you dont want to through facts at the
research and you dont want to make an argument. With the introduction, you want to get the
readers attention and keep them engaged. In Chapter 2 of the Curious Writer, Ballenger helped
me to come up with a solid inquiry question. Along with a good inquiry question, there has to be
good research and knowledge of the topic. As a result, I tried my best to keep useless
information out and gain more knowledge of my topic. If I were to teach the class, I would focus
a bit more on creating a good Evaluative Bibliography.
I took a different approach with my portfolio this year. I tried to stick to the basics. The
main focus of it is to allow the reader to see the work Ive done over the semester. It has some
visual elements, but I think its just enough. I did not want to add anything that was meaningless
or anything that would take away from my work. The colors I used are easy on the eyes. They
arent too bright or too dark for the viewer. The feedback from my classmates was good. Most of
them talked about how it is easy to navigate and the colors/theme was really nice. Creating the e-
portfolio was not that difficult for me. I used the same program (wix.com) from last year. Last
year, I put all of my writings first and then I introduced myself. I did that because the writing
was more personal. This semester, I introduced myself first because the reader/viewer wouldnt
get a sense of who I am just by reading the work presented.
When thinking ahead at the half way point, I had a few questions. My first question was:
Is there ever any bad information in research? I learned as the semester went along that all the
information found in research is not useful. I had the experience of finding information, but I
didnt use it because of the direction and structure of my inquiry essay. I asked secondly: Has
there ever been a limit on the amount of research you can do? I related to my first question.
There isnt a limit on research. When the research begins to become useless, the researcher might
want to stop or go in a different direction. Lastly I asked: Is there a key to better research any
topic? There isnt any specific method you have to follow when researching. We all have our
different ways of researching. The one important thing for better research is: know what you
want to research. Since the midterm, I do have more questions. One, how can I get better with
making my topic clearer to the reader? Secondly, can/should a conclusion be better than the
introduction.