5/4/14

The Last Good Day

By Paris Trunzo
It was a Sunday. My favorite day of the wee. !nd "ie any Sunday it was to #e shared #etween
$y #rother and I whi"e $y $other and father went out to run errands. I love waking up to a quiet house,
I thou%ht to $yse"f. The s$e"" of sizz"in% #a&on and e%%s "ured $e fro$ $y #ed. Downstairs the house
%"istened of dan&in% dust $otes' as the $ornin% sun shot throu%h the "ivin% roo$ window' (artia""y
#"indin% $y tender fa&e.
)*ise n+ Shine,- said $y a#nor$a""y &heerfu" #rother. I wa"ed into the it&hen. .e was dressed
in nothin% #ut a (air of s$i"ey fa&ed #o/er shorts that $ade $e $ore un&o$forta#"e than ha((y' and
so&s that stret&hed a "itt"e too far u( his shins. .is hair was a $ess.
)Good $ornin%'- I stuttered. )0hat+s the o&&asion1-
)0hat1 I &an+t $ae #reafast for $y favorite sister1-
I ro""ed $y eyes. But I a((roa&hed hi$ with o(en ar$s none the "ess.
).ow a#out we &ontinue those %uitar "essons today1- he ased. I nodded as if to say of course.
I have a"ways fe"t fortunate to have an o"der #rother. 2ven thou%h he was $y ha"f #rother and
on"y visited $e on Sundays' he a"ways see$ed to nurture $e "ie the youn%' na3ve fourteen year o"d that
I was. I fo""owed hi$ around "ie a du&"in% tryin% to &at&h u( to its $other.
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Later that $ornin%' $y #rother and I &ontinued on as we usua""y wou"d. .e ("ayed a vio"ent
video %a$e and I attentive"y wat&hed &"ose #y and s&rea$ed at the s&reen in syn& with hi$ as if the
a&tions of the s$a"" &hara&ter wou"d severe"y a"ter $y own "ife. The day see$ed to dra% on. !nd it
wasn+t unti" he threw the %a$e &ontro""er and ye""ed )5ou su&,- at the T6 s&reen' that we de&ided to
swit&h a&tivities. ! %ood de&ision for the #oth of us. My s"ee(y (u(' 7""ie' sta%%ered into the "ivin%
roo$ to %reet us' and then 8ui&"y e/ited as he heard the rusty stru$ on $y #rother+s %uitar.
)0ow, 9ot even the do% thins you+re %ood'- he e/&"ai$ed.
I %"ared at hi$. ).i"arious. 0hy don+t you a&tua""y tea&h $e so$ethin% for on&e so that I &an
i$(ress hi$1- I said.
My #rother then (ro&eeded to show $e the &orre&t (ositionin% of $y hands on the ne& of the
instru$ent' and a set of &hords that wou"d eventua""y &o$e to%ether to for$ a s"i%ht"y "ess tuned version
of the son% Jingle Bells. I was en"i%htened.
)So you are %ood for so$ethin%,- I teased.
)5es. I &an $ae %reat e%%s and tea&h even one of the $ost $usi&a""y disin&"ined (eo("e how to
("ay an instru$ent'- .e said sar&asti&a""y. .e was "ooin% down at his &e"" (hone with a s$ir on his
fa&e when he stated' )I have to %et %oin%. Te"" everyone I wi"" see the$ ne/t wee.-
)7ay'- I re("ied.
.e %ave $e a 8ui& hu% and was out the door in the #"in of an eye. I &ou"dn+t he"( #ut wonder
what he was s$irin% at' or who he was %oin% to $eet that was $ore i$(ortant than I' #ut I shru%%ed it
away. I had :ust s(ent a %reat day with the #est (erson in the entire wor"d' and I "ooed forward to $any
$ore :ust "ie it.
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Two wees had (assed. Then three. I had a"ready #e%un to (ani& #y the end of the first wee so
now I was si$("y furious. Why hasn't he answered my texts?, I thou%ht to $yse"f ho(e"ess"y. My (arents
were no he"( either. They disre%arded $y efforts of &onta&tin% hi$ and &ontinued to te"" $e' )5our
#rother is an adu"t and he is very #usy' he wi"" &o$e around eventua""y.- But eventua""y wasn+t %ood
enou%h. 0ho was I su((osed to ta" to a#out the (rison that is nown as $idd"e s&hoo"1 0ho was %oin%
to te"" $e :oes' ("ay %a$es with $e' and tea&h $e how to ("ay the %uitar1 I thou%ht I $attered to hi$.
7n a &o"d and snowy day in the $idd"e of ;anuary is when he #urst throu%h the front door with a
s$i"e that was not his own. It didn+t shine "ie it had three $onths a%o. It :ust sat on his fa&e as a thin
"ine' fa""in% at the ed%es. .is eyes &rin"ed on the sides when he s$i"ed #ut they did not %"ow an e$#er
%reen "ie the ones I on&e new. .is sin was as white as the snow outside.
)0here have you #een1- I said with an uneven tone.
.e s(oe soft"y. )I+$ sorry' I was worin% a "ot. !nd I had the f"u.-
)It shows'- I retorted. There was a hint of an%er in $y voi&e and he too note of it. Stran%e"y' he
didn+t offer to "ift u( $y s(irits "ie he usua""y wou"d. Instead' he shru%%ed and "eft $e standin% in the
roo$. !"one.
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7ne year "ater on a Sunday $ornin%' I was "yin% in $y fresh"y $ade #ed. I was sti"" ref"e&tin% on
the the events that had o&&urred on the "ast good day. It was $id ;anuary. 7ne wee a%o I had returned
to the ne/t horrifyin% sta%e of $y "ife. .i%h s&hoo". gh' what a drag, I thou%ht to $yse"f. I had a
fee"in% that this wasn+t the end of $y re"ent"ess thou%hts of $y #rother that e(t $e awae ea&h ni%ht.
9ot on"y had he sto((ed visitin% $e "on% a%o' #ut he a"so "eft $e to &o(e with the end"ess rea"ities of
"ife' %rowin%' and "earnin% on $y own. <or the "ife of $e' I resented hi$.
0hen I "earned the wherea#outs of $y "ost ro"e $ode"' the words &a$e s"ow' and heavy out of
$y $other+s $outh. I &ou"dn+t even #e%in to (ro&ess this infor$ation. What had he done? Why would he
do that? It must have !een a simple misunderstanding" My $ind was a riot.
).e+"" #e out in a few $onths'- said $y $other. !s if she heard $y (oundin% thou%hts. I sna((ed
#a& into rea"ity.
)I don+t understand. .e doesn+t do those ty(e of thin%s. .e doesn+t hurt other (eo("e'- I re("ied.
)So$eti$es (eo("e &han%e. 0e had no idea that he was %oin% throu%h any of this'- she said. I
hated her for sayin% that. I hated :ust a#out everythin% in that $o$ent. !nd thus' this was the day that
$y "ife u"ti$ate"y &han%ed.
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I have s(ent the "ast severa" years in a state of hindsi%ht #ias. I have fe"t sadness and $y $ind
has #een starved to end"ess thou%hts of )what if+s- and )why+s.- What if I had stopped my !rother from
leaving on the last day? What if I pleaded and !egged him to spend the rest of the day with me? Why do
I !elieve that would have changed the pattern and the path that he followed? I thou%ht these thin%s #ut I
fe"t stu(id. It too $e four "on% years to rea"ize that this unfortunate "ife event was not $y fau"t. .e
didn+t have to &hoose the wron% friends. .e didn+t have to do dru%s and tae un(res&ri#ed (i""s or in:e&t
poison into his #ody. !nd he didn+t have to #rea into a stran%er+s house in order to stea" what wou"d
satisfy his &ease"ess &ravin%s. ="ti$ate"y' he &hose to (ut hi$se"f #ehind #ars> his own (rison.
<ro$ ti$e to ti$e I wi"" thin of hi$. I do not thin a#out the ne%ative' "ie the fa&t that I haven+t
seen $y #rother sin&e it a"" ha((ened. Instead' I try to thin a#out a"" the %ood ti$es that we had. I try to
#e"ieve that he was a"ways we"" and ha((y' even thou%h I a$ now fu""y aware that was never the &ase. I
strive to #e a #etter version of $yse"f day #y day and view "ife fro$ a"" of its (ers(e&tives' for I do not
want to fee" what he fe"t. *ather than re$e$#erin% the (ain I &hoose to re$e$#er the way that his eyes
"it u( when we ta"ed' and the %oofy s$i"e that s(read a&ross his fa&e when I a&tua""y ("ayed a &hord
ri%ht on the %uitar. I $ay never understand the reasons as to why $y #rother wa"ed down that (ath' #ut
I (ro$ised $yse"f to find &"osure in who he was on the "ast day #efore he &han%ed. 7n the "ast %ood day.