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Kyra Averiette
Professor Batty
English 114B
4 / 22 / 14
The Battle Against Anorexia
Why dont people like me? Why am I not pretty like her? Hannah asked herself this
question on the morning of her first day of high school. Since she came from a private school on
the other side of town she walked onto her new campus not knowing a single peer. Hannah had a
charmed life growing up in the glamorous city of Hollywood. As a child she never really had to
worry about anything, everything in her life was handed to her and she never thought twice about
it. Hannah had numerous celebrity encounters and her mother worked in the fashion industry so
she was able to attend countless runway shows. These experiences changed the way that Hannah
looked at the world. Suddenly her image of the perfect body was severely altered. The models
that Hannah had seen were extremely skinny, some of which were dangerously skinny. What
Hannah was unaware of was that most of these models had an eating disorder of some sort.
Unfortunately the lasting effect that the models had on Hannah would soon cause her to have an
eating disorder of her own. Hannah would soon be a part of the seventy-five percent of women
who have or have had an eating disorder. This is Hannahs story.
It was early in the morning on a warm spring day in beautiful Hollywood California.
Hannah was all snuggled up in a little ball in her princess themed bed dreaming whatever it is
that ten year old girls dream about. LILY, Hannahs mothers piercing scream jolted her out of
her deep slumber. The panic in her mothers voice forced Hannah to rush to her older sisters
room to see what all of the fuss was about. As Hannah entered her sisters doorway she could see
her mother hunched over Lilys bed sobbing. Hannahs mother was in her mid-forties; her short
dark bob style hair nicely complemented her thin figure. She rarely left her room without a
ravishing designer ensemble and her makeup done up to hide her aging lines. In this moment
however, Hannah looked at her mother and saw a whole new side of her. Her mother was
dressed in baggy sweatpants with her hair half done and mascara running down her face. She
was shaking Lily profusely; Hannah stood staring, like a paralyzed statue unaware of what was
happening. The sounds of sirens began to come into hear shot and Hannahs mother ran out of
the room quickly bring in the EMTs. As her mother rushed to the door Hannah moved towards
her older sister in curiosity. As she neared the edge of the bed she noticed that her sister was not
moving and her eyes were closed. She poked Lily asking, Lily are you awake? Are you sick?
She waited for a few minutes for a response before the EMTs entered the room, Hannahs
mother quickly picked her up and took her outside of Lilys bedroom shutting the door behind
her. Hannah innocently asked her mother, Is Lily sick? Why are those men here? Her mother
looked at down at her, gave her a big hug and said, Lily hasnt been herself in a few months and
those men are here to tell us if she is sick or not, so sweetie I think it would be best if you stayed
in your room until the nice men leave. Hannah politely accepted her mothers request and went
to her room. From the window of her bedroom she watched the EMTs roll her sister into the
ambulance on a stretcher. The next day when Lily did not return from the hospital Hannah asked
her mother if Lily was sick or not? Hannahs mother replied, Lily is very sick, she has been for
a long time now, so she is going to stay in a special hospital for a few weeks so she can get better
and come home. Hannah heard the pain in her mothers voice and knew that there was
something that she was not telling her but she did not want to upset her any more so she decided
to not question her and thought that it would be best if she just left the situation alone for her
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sake. Hannah got used to not having her sister around for the next three and a half years. After
the first year she stopped asking her mother when Lily was coming home. As Hannah turned
fourteen and graduated from middle school her mother shocked her with news about high school.
Since Hannahs mother was spending a fortune to send her sister, Lily, to recover from her
illness Hannah was forced to transfer from her expensive private school lifestyle to a public
school across town from her home. Hannah was devastated that she was being forced to transfer
to an entirely new school. She threw numerous tantrums and threatened to run away. She fought
her mother all summer, up until the first day of her freshman year.
McKay High School looked like a bright blue prison cell. There was a half torn poster hanging
on the wall next to the main office reading Welcome all incoming Freshman. The surrounding
walls were covered in graffiti and the aroma of axe body spray and gym clothes swept through
the hallways. Hannah stared blankly at the new school she would be stuck at for the next four
years. Disgusted and scared for her life she clutched her gucci purse and her juicy jacket and
went off to her first day of freshman year. Hannah walked into her homeroom History class and
immediately headed for the first empty seat she saw. As she settled in her seat she scanned the
rest of the students hoping to spot a potential friend. She heard a loud squeal followed by
laughter from the back corner of the room; she looked back curiously and saw a group of three
girls cackling away in their seats. One girl in the group noticed Hannah staring and said
something to the other girls. They all became silent and Hannah turned back in her seat as the
teacher walked into the classroom. Good morning class! My name is Mr. Dale and this is
freshman history. When the bell rang Hannah could not get out of that room fast enough, she
wanted to just run away. She was dreading lunch period when it finally came because she did not
know anyone and she was horrified at the idea of sitting alone. She noticed the three girls from
her homeroom class sitting in the center of the cafeteria joined by two other girls. Hannah was
amazed at how similar they all looked. Each girl had long straight hair that fell perfectly down
their backs, they were decked out in designer everything and they each had the body type of a
model. Hannah slowly made her way past all the tables until she reached their table. Again the
girls immediately stopped their laughter and stared at Hannah. Uhhh h-iii, Hannah choked out
quietly. She cleared her throat and tried again, my name is Hannah, I am new here is this seat
taken? There was tension in the air while Hannah waited for a response. Finally, after what
seemed like forever, one girl stood. Gianna McPhee, a sophomore at McKay high school and the
leader in her group of clones. The rest of the clones consisted of Emily, Sierra, Mckenna, and
Ashley. Gianna leaned across the table as if she was going to shake Hannahs hand. However
Gianna simply stared Hannah up and down and scoffed, Im so sorry sweetie, but you are not
exactly the type we look for to sit with us at lunch. Maybe you would be better off eating in the
bathroom so nobody has to watch you gorge yourself. Hannah turned away in disbelief trying to
hide the tear running down her cheek. She ran to bathroom to clean up her face and pull herself
together before re-entering the cafeteria. She found a small table near the far right corner and sat
down to finish her lunch. The first day was nearly over and Hannah was relieved that she had
only one more class until she could go home and beg her mother to let her transfer back to her
old school. Walking into her final class she noticed one of the clones, she quickly thought to
herself, Should I turn around and pretend like I walked into the wrong class? Maybe the front
office will let me switch classes. While Hannah was deciding her next move the clone,
Mckenna, had approached her. Come sit with me! she said with a cheery upbeat tone. Hannah
was stunned, she did not know how to react, she was convinced Gianna and the clones had hated
her. As they took their seats Hannah kept wondering why Mckenna was being nice to her all of a
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sudden. So look honey I know we were hard on you in the cafeteria, she exclaimed while
smacking her peppermint gum, but you have to understand we have a reputation to uphold. You
cannot expect us to let just anyone into our group. You have the clothes sweetie now you just
have to get the body and you will be set! Mckenna spoke as if the words coming out of her
mouth were okay to say. Hannah sat quietly throughout the rest of the period and when the final
bell rang she flew out of her seat and headed straight for her moms car parked out front.
Hannahs mother had desperation in her voice as she stated did you have a great first day
sweetie? Hannah rolled her eyes and shut the door, as her mom speed away from McKay high
Hannah could not help but be thankful that the day was finally over.
Going through the events of the day before in her head, Hannah could not help but focus all of
her attention on what the Gianna and Mckenna had said to her. She stood in front of full length
closet mirror and stared at herself. She thought to herself, Those girls cannot be right. There is
nothing wrong with my body; I might not be as thin as Gianna but that does not mean anything,
does it? Hannah stood in front of the mirror for an hour staring at herself contemplating her
opinion of her own body. When her mother called her down for dinner Hannah waited a minute
before yelling down the hall, no thanks Im not hungry, ill eat later! Hannah thought about her
decision not to eat dinner for a moment but decided that missing one meal was not that big of a
deal. She spent the rest of the night doing her homework and looking up quick dieting tips. The
next morning at breakfast Hannah asked her mother if she could set up a few appointments with
their families personal trainer. Her mother looked stunned and stated calmly, Hannah sweetie
we are tightening up our money, we had to let our trainer go Im sorry. Hannah sighed in
disappointment, grabbed an apple from the fruit basket and yelled back at her mother as she
walked out the door, bye mom I will see you after school! Hannahs mother quickly screamed,
wait you didnt finish your breakfast, but she was too late, Hannah was already out the door.
Hannah avoids the clones at all cost for the rest of the week at school. She went to the front
office and asked for an immediate transfer of her homeroom class period. As the weekend finally
approached, Hannahs mother invites her to a fashion show in north Hollywood. Hannah
becomes excited that she gets the opportunity to take her mind off of dieting and the clones. As
Hannah waits backstage of the fashion show she watches the models get into position before the
curtain goes up. Her weekend of relaxation and fun quickly becomes a reminder that her diet is
not working quickly enough. She watched the models walk down the runway in envy, she could
not help but wish to look like them. When the show ended Hannah ditched the after show buffet
for the models and guests and instead went home to her room. She sat in her bedroom and cried
for hours constantly screaming about how hideous she was. She finally couldnt take it, she
looked at herself in the mirror and proudly said, I will be beautiful, no matter what the cost. In
that moment Hannah was changed forever, with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes she threw her
studded jimmy choo heel as hard as she could at her mirror; shattering it. Just like that Hannah
decided to go to drastic measures.
Hannah had decided that the only way to lose weight as fast as possible would be to cut out food
completely. She quickly realized how easy it was to cut out food without anyone noticing. In the
mornings she would run out of the house with an apple at most and just use excuses to explain to
her mother why she had to skip breakfast. School was the easiest place for Hannah to get away
with not eating. Since she had no real friends, she was able to stay in the library and do her
homework rather than be tempted by the food in the cafeteria. After school when she got home
she would eat ice pops and drink a lot of water to subside the cravings that she had for food.
When her mother returned home late at night from work she would offer to make Hannah some
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dinner or order out. Hannah never took the offer. Instead she simply replied, No thanks mom I
already ate dinner. Hannah kept herself busy throughout the day with errands and activities, the
more she spent doing activities the less time she had to think about how hungry she was. The lies
were easy for Hannah, it became a casual thing for her to just throw out an excuse whenever
anybody offered her food. Hannah would be eating an apple at most in a day and the effects were
finally beginning to show.
After six weeks of not eating Hannah had dropped twenty pounds. There was a substantial
difference in her appearance and the clones noticed. On one harsh winter day, Hannah decided
that it was time to leave the library and join her peers in the cafeteria for lunch. She walked into
the cafeteria with confidence in her step. Her peers stopped and stared as they saw her walk past
them towards the clones table. As she approached the table the clones stopped there laughter and
turned towards her with a shocked expression. Gianna starred for only a few seconds before
standing up and exclaiming to Hannah, well freshman you seem to have proved yourself, take a
seat and meet the girls. Hannah quickly sat down with an enormous weight lifted off of her
chest. For the rest of lunch she sat with the clones while sipping on her energy drink and for the
first time since high school began she felt accepted.
Hannah kept up her diet, losing more and more weight as the weeks went on. After four more
weeks of dieting her mother began to notice the drastic weight loss. On a quiet Sunday,
Hannahs mother knocked on her door lightly. As she entered Hannahs room she sat quietly on
the edge of her bed and for a few minutes she did not say a word. Hannah looked at the worry in
her mothers eyes and knew that something was wrong. She did not hesitate to ask her mother,
Mom are you okay? Did something happen to Lily? In that moment Hannahs mother looked
up at her and began to cry, I am sorry honey but I noticed you have been losing weight and I am
worried about you. How did you lose so much weight in such little time? Hannah did not know
what to say at first then she thought up a lie to calm her mother down, Mom I have been going
on runs and working out with some of the girls from my school. Hannahs mother waited a
moment, wiped her tears and replied, Okay sweetie, I just need to know that you are staying
healthy. Hannah took this opportunity to ask her mother about her sister Lily, so with slight
hesitation ask softly asked her mother, Mom, is Lily ever going to come home? Hannahs
mother began to cry again and Hannah quickly took back her original statement with, Im sorry
mom I didnt mean to make you sad, forget I asked! No, no sweetie, Hannahs mother choked
out through her tears, it is time that I told you the truth about your sister. Hannah began to
worry, she did not know what to expect her mother to say. Sweetie, your sister has been sick for
a very long time. And we sent her away so that she could get better, but she did not want to get
better. Hannah looked at her mother confused, what do you mean she didnt want to get better?
What was wrong with her? Her mother looked down at the floor for a minute then looked up at
Hannah and said, Lily was bulimic, for years she would eat as much as she wanted and then
throw it up afterward. She became sick because every time she threw up her food, she would also
throw up the nutrients that kept her healthy. Another tear rolled down her face before she
continued, I sent her to a special hospital that specializes in eating disorders. Your sister was
only there for three weeks. Hannah looked at her mother fighting back tears and cautiously
asked, If she was only there for three weeks then why didnt she come home? Regretting her
decision to tell Hannah the truth about Lily, her mother replied, your sister did not want to
return home. She was anger that she was sent to the hospital in the first place. She did not believe
that she had a problem. She grabbed Hannahs hand, brushed a piece of her hair away from her
face and continued, your sister ran away from the hospital. When I found out, I sent out a
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private investigator to find her. When he did she wasnt very far away, she was living with one
of her friends in Santa Monica. I went to find her and bring her home but she refused. She
began to cry again, I knew that I could not do anything, she was eighteen at the time, I could not
force her to come home. So I left, but I still keep an eye on her. I call the private investigator
every other month to find her and let me know that she is safe and Hannah cut in before her
mother could finish, is she alright? Where is she? Can I go and see her? Her mother took a step
back with a disappointed look in her eyes, your sister is in San Francisco now, she is living with
a boy and she is doing well. She looks healthier and is happy where she is. I do not think that it is
such a good idea to go and see her. I am sure that she misses you but there is a reason that she
left and we have to respect her wishes. Hannah became angry, but rather than making her
mother more upset she decided to leave it alone.
Hannah became more aggressive with her diet after her conversation with her mother, but she
knew she needed to hide her progress so that her mother stopped asking questions. She began to
wear baggy sweatpants and big t-shirts around her house. When her mom offered her food she
took it too her room and threw it in the trash can on the side of the house, and then waited a
while before bringing the plate back to the kitchen. Her mother was satisfied and Hannahs
efforts and stopped asking questions. Although Hannah continued to drop weight, she got sick a
lot because her immune system was weak. She ignored the signs that her body was craving food
all of the time. She knew that she had to keep her weight down in order to feel beautiful and
accepted by her peers in school. Hannah did not know what she was doing to her body until her
body finally hit her back.
Fourth period P.E was as boring as ever, Hannah stood on the side wall ignoring the teachers
instructions to run the two lap warm up run. Hannah! Get your butt on that track and start
running or youre going to fail this course. Hannah rolled her eyes and stepped onto the track
starting off with a slow jog. Halfway through the first lap Hannah began to sweat and breathe
heavily. Her head felt heavy and her vision became fuzzy and out of focus. She began to stumble
and swerve on the track, her P.E coach notice her disorientation and screamed from the other
side of track, come on, you have barely run a lap, pick up the pace Hannah! Hannah pushed
forward a little bit faster, continuing to sway side to side. Before she knew it she began to see
black spots clouding her vision, she stopped for a minute before collapsing only a few yards
short of her first lap.
Hannah woke up disoriented, as she opened her eyes she realized that she was in an unfamiliar
place and she began to panic and struggle to sit up. Her mother quickly pushed her back down
saying, sweetie you need to lay down your going to be just fine. Hannah tried to speak but her
throat felt tight so the most she could come up with was a soft squeak. She looked around the
room, the white walls around her were suffocating and cold, she followed the wires coming from
the monitor to her left to the needle that was implanted in her wrist. She looked at her mother
again and asked, why am I in the hospital? An unfamiliar voice came from across the room,
because youre sick, Hannah coughed and tried to speak to ask who else was in the room but
she was cut off, dont bother kid, the stranger said as she stepped forward towards Hannah,
youre too weak to talk right now. Hannah looked up at the stranger and softly exclaimed,
Lily? Lily smiled at her younger sister, it has been a long time little sis, hasnt it. Hannah felt
paralyzed, she had not seen her sister in years and suddenly she was standing over her, she felt as
if she was dreaming. Hannah struggled to form the words, what are you doing here? Her
mother chimed in before Lily had the chance to respond, she is here because I called her. I am
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worried about you sweetie. Hannah opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when the
doctor walked into the room.
Well good morning Hannah, Dr. Cross said as he walked up to Hannah, I am glad that youre
finally awake and with us. How are you feeling? Hannah didnt reply, instead she just stared
while Dr. Cross took her vital signs and temperature. Dr. Cross seemed to be in his mid fifties, he
stood rather tall and walked with a slight limp. His hairline was receding and the smell of old
spice wafted over the room when he got close. You gave your mother and your sister quite the
scare young lady. Hannah gave him a dirty look and opened her mouth to respond but he cut her
off. So tell me Hannah, Dr. Cross asked with a crack in his voice, so Hannah tell me what you
have eaten today. Hannahs eyes widen, she could not think of a lie fast enough. Uhhh umm
well I was really busy today so I did not have time to eat anything big, she said nervously.
Hmmm, Dr. Cross looked at her with suspicion, and what about the last couple of days?
Hannahs breathing became heavy and quick, she did not know what to say, I dont remember,
she said quickly. Dr. Cross turned to Hannahs mother, Maam I believe that your daughter is
developing anorexic tendencies. Hannahs mother looked directly at Lily with a scowl and
yelled, this is your fault! Lily stepped back in shock at her mothers accusation, how is this
my fault? I left to save her so that this wouldnt happen to her. Hannah watched as the
continued to argue, she sat up slowly in her bed cleared her throat and yelled as loud as she
could, WILL YOU TWO STOP YELLING! Her mother and sister froze in shock, they turned
to Hannah, she coughed a few times before continuing, neither of you are too blame I did this to
myself. Arguing isnt going to get you anywhere. Her mother began to say something but
Hannah put her hand up to stop her, I would like to be alone for a few minutes please, can you
leave. Lily and their mother quietly exited the room without saying another word.
Hannah sat for a few minutes trying to grasp the events that had just occurred. She thought about
what the doctor had said, there is no way I can be anorexic, she thought to herself. I eat, I eat
all the time, anorexic people dont ever eat. Hannah couldnt stand being in that hospital bed
anymore, she slowly moved her feet over the edge of the bed, stood up and walked towards the
bathroom to change out of the hospital gown. In the bathroom as she stripped off the hospital
gown, she looked up at the mirror and looked horrified at the image of herself. She looked at her
reflection in complete awe, her face was sunken in showing every crease and curve. Her hair was
limp and flat with little life in it, she grazed her forearm and along her veins which were popping
out of her skin. She had a flashback of the last day that she saw her sister. She remembered the
way that her sister looked lying in her bed unconscious. She fell onto the floor in tears, she had
become her sister and she didnt realize it until now. She sat on the floor of the bathroom curled
up in a ball, she could not accept the fact that she had turned into her sister. She jumped when
someone started knocking on the door she heard her mother yell through the closed door,
Hannah are you okay in there? Hannah didnt respond, Hannah open the door! Hannah
slowly crawled toward the door and turned the lock, as the door crept open she looked up at her
mother and her sister, I know that I have a problem, I am prepared to do whatever necessary to
get help.
Hannah returned home from the hospital after three days of being observed. She felt exhausted,
she went straight to her bedroom and curled up in her bed. Before she drifted off to sleep, her
phone started to ring, she hesitated before answering. Where the hell have you been? People are
starting to talk about you! Mckennas voice was high and seemed angry, hello, Hannah are you
even listening to me? Hannah threw the phone across the room without saying a word to
Mckenna. She laid back against her pillow and stared at the ceiling of her room. She thought
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about the events that had happened to her since she started high school. She wondered why she
was so desperate for acceptance that she nearly killed herself to fit in. She wondered how the
clones were so cruel to make her go to such extremes to be a part of their group. She thought
over her mother and how she must pain she must be in after watching both of her daughters
suffer.
Hannah began to recover after a few months, her weight went up little by little, she left
the clones without warning and continued to attend school. She still has the tendencies of an
anorexic, she will always battle with her disease. Her sister moved back home so that herself and
her sister can battle their diseases together and make sure that they stay healthy. Hannahs
mother continues to work and provide for her daughters but she keeps a close eye on Hannah and
Lily and help them to control their eating disorders. Hannah struggled to see herself as beautiful
because she did not have the body image of the models who were deemed beautiful. The
extremes that she took to be considered beautiful almost cost her, her life and as a result she will
have to battle with anorexia for the rest of her life.