Aphayrath 1

Jesse Aphayrath
Holly Guile
English 2010
9 February 2014
Proving Grounds
Two years ago, in east Manhattan, we were en route to the Flatiron District. Taking the
metro tram, my friend Jon and I are crammed into a subway train. Without a cool breeze in sight
we stood in a human sauna. I could barely breathe and I could feel everyones sweat. I am
overwhelmed by the city; the humming of the train, chatter of other riders, music seeping
through the headphones of the individual next to me. I stand next to my dull reflection rehearsing
the monologues in my mind.
We reach our last stop, I scramble out into the subway station and exit up through the
stairs into the metropolis; I could finally breathe. The sun glares down on us as we move against
the waves of people. Jon, a smaller fellow, seems follow easily through the empty tread I leave.
While walking we couldnt help but gaze up and witness the wonders of the concrete jungle. But
for everybody else, this was their natural habitat. We were plagued by constant transitions of
scenery, people, and scents of garbage and food from food carts; nothing appeared the same,
unless you were a hotdog stand. Two miles of walking never felt shorter than it did that day and
time was not on my side. The spirit of my procrastination knows no bounds. Cramming is not the
best way to approach an audition, or anything for that matter. Arriving at the building a little
earlier than planned, I realized that one of my monologues was partially memorized.
Aphayrath 2
The building was bare; no slab of description or indications of purpose like an unmarked
book on a shelf. The professional slabs of polished granite tiled on each other from head to toe, it
was plain to the eyes. The dull color would draw your attention elsewhere, maybe to a fire
hydrant or the sky; we almost walked right passed it. Despite being smack dab in the middle of
New York the sidewalks were quiet, the roads still, people nowhere near, the street was eerily
empty. We turn to one another and then walk in, with an elevator right there to greet us.Thoughts
and expectations of what would happen next filled my mind. As we arrived at the third floor I
was brimming with excitement, anxiety, and nervousness all at once; realizing that Ive been
waiting for this moment for months.
As we approached the front desk a smile welcomed us. I quickly stated my name and
that I had an audition. I watched as he picked up the phone and called for someone to come see
me. A counselor met with me and read my file; he was tall, fair skinned, and had a friendly trust
about him. All the traits of a counselor seemed to be embodied in this man. After minor
introductions he introduced us to a student. The student looked like he belonged on the television
show Glee. He wore clothes tailored to the skin, had bright orange hair that was combed neatly
to the side and his pale skin had splotches of freckles that covered his cheeks. After brief
introductions he takes us into a waiting room. The waiting room occupied one other person; a
young man, who was alone. He was a bigger guy and very quiet, he was the first to audition. As
we made ourselves comfortable another fellow had his entire family came in with him and a
mother-daughter pair from Australia followed; not to audition but to tour the conservatory. A
small television set played a promo for the school, emphasizing how aspiring actors could
benefit from attending here. As I gazed into the television the recitals in my mind went to a
standstill. Time seemed to slow down and for the first time I was here in the present.
Aphayrath 3
I sit there blank. Waiting to hear my name, waiting for when they would be ready for me.
I memorized the first one completely. I was a man telling his girlfriend that he was leaving her
and explaining how he was inspired by a friends word to breakup and how he is where he is
now. The second monologue one was the one partially memorized and I didnt have real
confidence acting it out, the scene was a manager inspiring his employee to break the mold and
see the bigger picture, to take risks; that the world was a cruel and unforgiving environment. I
continued to wait, anxiously. What if I messed up? What if I traveled a thousand miles only to be
denied? All rested on my shoulders. I knew that when the moment came none of my
procrastinating and preparations would matter.
I sit and read the brochure given to me by ginger to see if I could calm some of my
nerves. Maybe I could see who might judge my audition. Finally. My name is called. I stand and
turn to Jon, his eyes give me a look of affirmation, and I nod. As I leave the room butterflies
swarm my stomach and the nerves kick in. For the first time on this trip I had no support, no
friends, and in a place where I had nothing but a name; I was alone. I smiled and waltzed into the
auditioning room, where to my surprise, was met by the director of the conservatory. His name
was Jay. Jay was very kind, prim, well-spoken and a sort of stylish older gentleman. This was
my lucky day; the head honcho of the school is here to watch me act. The room was seemingly
plain but beautiful; red carpet with gold diamond shaped designs, the walls were plain white,
complemented with bright florescent lights and an enormous light tent that lit up the room;
shining brighter than the lights from the ceiling. Under the tent stood a camera on a tripod sitting
next to Jay and behind him was a flat screen showing me where I was through the cameras
perspective. After brief small talk and an introduction for my pieces, he told me to begin
whenever I was ready.
Aphayrath 4
I took deep breathes, shook my arms and began to exercise my first monologue, hoping
that my nervousness didnt show. After I had finished, a slim gap of silence followed.
Ok and your second one? This was as ready as I would ever be, I thought. After my
second monologue, Jay told me he liked it and that I do it again; I adlibbed half the monologue.
He could see that I was nervous but couldnt see the mistake that I saw. I wished that he would
have asked me to recite the first one. I remember thinking that he would like the one I didnt
know.
He told me then to not be nervous and told me to do some pushups. After I got up, he told
me to jump. He yelled: Now jump! Jump as high as you can! Come on! Jump! Jump higher!
Jesse! Higher! Jays voice so intense, that it still comes back vividly, hauntingly. Now go!
Blood rushing through my face I feel emotion, the emotion he wanted me to feel; with
adrenaline pumping through my body I was shaking, sweating, and very nervous. At that
moment, there was a profound blur that took me almost like a daze; nothing but the contents of
my focus in the room existed, not even Jay. I pictured my little brother and I imagined what if
I was saying this to him and what if I really meant it. With emotions running high and
adlibbing half the monologue again, there was a faith absent from the first recital.
I really assumed that I had blew it, but he said I did great with a reassuring smile. I shook
his hand and he told that I would be getting a call and a letter of acceptance if I were to be
accepted. Walking out of the room I thought -the monologue that I had partially memorized was
the one with positive attention and I smiled- I let out a huge sigh. All the tension and the tons
they weighted me down slowly went away.
Aphayrath 5
I could finally speak without my nerves shaking my voice. I meet back in the room to see
Jon waiting still. How was it? words couldnt have summarized what passion and relief I had
felt at that moment. We proceeded to take the tour, and throughout the day I put that experience
behind me as I best could. I tried to enjoy and let the city preoccupy my mind again. For a
moment, it seemed like I forgot why I was here in the first place. Because I knew that business
was not over.
I celebrated and arrived home two weeks later still admiring the experience. I received a
call from my counselor. He was excited as I should have been on congratulating me on the news
of acceptance and scholarship. But I knew that I still had to speak to my dad and I wished he
would have thought of the idea the same. I thought these efforts would prove that I was serious
and that these opportunities were not farfetched. We sat, conversed and argued, but I couldnt
change his mind. What I saw as an awesome opportunity, he saw a kid throwing his life away; he
looked into my eyes and told me that what I was trying to do was stupid. A co-signature and his
support was all I needed and wanted. I had neither. For the first time someone had crushed me. I
went on a little getaway to central California after our confrontation to let my feelings pass.
When I came home, my aunt and my grandpa die within two weeks. It took me awhile to
understand that what happened to me was miniscule compared to these events. I dont remember
how many nights in Chicago or California sunsets I witnessed before I finally understood that
my parents didnt. They did not understand my dream and passion. They only understood what
they thought was practical. It was nothing personal. And I could analyze all I want but I cant
change what happened. Dad thought he was doing the right thing. After I reevaluated and
reassessed my goals and purpose. Slowly, but surely, I realized that my life was not over and that
this was just one of those life obstacles.
Aphayrath 6
That this whole entire drama that played out in front of me was an experience; just like
everything else. It shapes you and you learn from it. The supporting cast is not always present
but when you appreciate them, they dont need to be. I am a child still learning about life. I know
that life will continue; that you cant always get what you want. But the strong sense of desire
and the determination to keep going will get you something. And even if it this is not what I
really want right now, what I want it still waiting for me to get there.