FIREFLIES AND STARS IN THE NIGHT

By: Miyano Ran

This fictional work is based on the true story Comfort Women: Slave of estiny! written by Maria
Rosa "enson# The story was a dark de$iction of the sufferin%s that the comfort women had to endure
durin% the &a$anese occu$ation in the 'hili$$ines from ()*( to ()*+# Maria Rosa "enson was a
victim of this form of human traffickin% and was the first ,ili$ino to narrate her story first-hand#
Comfort women: They are the women enslaved by the &a$anese military in their home bases in many
countries in .sia which they con/uered0 as se1 slaves# This didn2t only ha$$en in the 'hili$$ines0 but
also in 3orea and China# The Ra$e of 4an5in%! is a very famous event which would never be
for%otten# .side from women slavery0 the &a$anese in the $ast have also done muta%enic
e1$eriments on the Chinese as %uinea $i%s for their new dru%s0 in5ected them with bacteria to make
them sick0 and o$erated on them to study body $arts6 But that2s another story#
This story is a tribute to all the comfort women who had to under%o such $ain# 7 was ins$ired to write
this u$on readin% Rosa2s story# 8$ until this day0 the &a$anese %overnment refuses to write the truth
in &a$anese school te1tbooks to let their youth think that their ancestors were heroes# ue to the
mountin% $ressure from the 3orean %overnment0 the &a$anese %overnment has $aid some monetary
com$ensation to the families of the victims 9who are now in their late :;2s $erha$s or who have
$assed away< but still hasn2t %iven an official $ublic a$olo%y#
7 have nothin% a%ainst the current &a$anese $eo$le since they weren2t the ones res$onsible for their
ancestors2 crimes they are nice $eo$le and 7 have &a$anese friends who 7 love0 but the $ast mustn2t
be ne%lected# ,i%ht human traffickin%6
The world must know the truth0 even the &a$anese youth#
'S: 7 still believe that there were &a$anese soldiers who had a %ood heart and who were a%ainst this
abuse of women0 but were too scared to %o a%ainst the em$eror0 5ust like Ca$tain Tanaka who loved
Rosa dearly# "e always called her Bara! and did many %reat thin%s for her# "e tried to $rotect0 $itied
her0 and wanted to %et her out of the trade0 but he said he sim$ly couldn2t find the coura%e to break
his vow to the em$eror# This story %ives the what-ifs in a scenario when someone with a heart like
Ca$tain Tanaka2s0 a heart that wasn2t as black as the other soldiers0 bravely acted on their instincts on
what is ri%ht# While writin% this0 7 was so sad#
. TR7B8T= ST>R?:
&une @0 ()AB
7 woke u$ in the middle of the ni%ht in such a terrible state 7 was sweatin% heavily and my heartbeat
thum$ed wildly a%ainst my chest0 so much that 7 couldn2t even catch my breath# 7 blinked tears off my
eyes# . ni%htmare 7 saw the $ast a%ain0 7 saw him with blood dri$$in% from his foreheadC but he
had this weak smile on his countenance when he saw me# 7 want to remember him as the healthy0
youn% soldier that he wasC not the one soaked in his own blood# "e was different from them# "e had
a $ure innocent smile with his eyes almost turnin% into a strai%ht line# "is lau%h was so melodious0
and every time he was by my side0 7 would momentarily for%et all the tears and the dis%ustin%
stru%%le 7 was in# 7 wouldn2t be where 7 am now if it weren2t for him# 7 turned to my side and %aDed at
my lovin% husband who 7 met a little bit less than (; years a%o# "e was wonderful and he loved and
understood me for what 7 have been throu%h0 but 7 still can2t for%et him- the man whom 7 owed my life
to# But how can 7 %ive my thanks to him nowE
7 closed my eyes and as if on a time machine0 rode on a flashback to the hell 7 have been throu%h
twenty years a%o#
My brother and 7 were ha$$ily $layin% on the fields of 'am$an%a# 7t was about nine in the evenin%
and we had 5ust finished dinner and were catchin% fireflies with our nets# We loved to %o out
whenever the stars were bri%ht0 and ei%ht year old Ramon was so e1cited to feel the breeDe of the
cold ecember air outside# "ow can 7 resist himE >ur $arents called out to us from the house a few
meters away0 instructin% us to /uickly enter the house since it wasn2t safe these days es$ecially for
%irls now that the &a$anese troo$s have their home bases made here# But 7 didn2t listen what
could %o wron%E 7 was with my baby brother and he said he2d $rotect me6 7 was fourteen then and 7
was incredulously foolish# 7 yelled back . few more minutes6! to my mom before runnin% and %i%%lin%
with my brother a%ain#
7 never felt so free in my life as the wind brushed a%ainst my face and the stars shimmered bri%htly to
%reet me# The %lowin% fireflies hovered around us as Ramon and 7 5um$ed u$ and down to catch
them# 7t was the best feelin% ever# 7 cau%ht one a%ain6! Ramon called out0 then 7 $ushed him li%htly
and said0 Who catches the most0 wins6! We ran and ran0 i%norin% my mom who 7 can see from the
corner of my eye0 %oin% towards us# 7 felt like there was somethin% wron% when the tone of my mother
chan%ed# Fet inside0 kids0 hurry#! She said0 %rabbin% the nets from our hands and $ullin% me and
Ramon with such $anic# 4o6 .ll my fireflies are %one6! Ramon cried out while tryin% to 5um$ u$ and
use his bare hands to catch them# 'laytime2s over#! My mom said a%ain0 yankin% our wrists# 7 saw my
dad and the rest of my family with an1ious faces0 wavin% at us from our house#
Mom0 what2s wron%E! 7 asked worriedly while runnin% with her# The &a$anese troo$s are here
toni%ht6 They are scoutin% for youn% %irls who are still outside6! My mom e1$lained0 her tone shakin%#
Ramon whis$ered0 Then let2s head home6 Get2s kee$ Ate safe6! &ust when we closed the front door0
we hushed each other not to make a sound when we heard the loud screechin% sounds of trucks
sto$$in%# We heard loud footste$s and shouts which we didn2t understand because they s$oke
&a$anese# My $arents0 Ramon0 my two elder brothers0 my si1 year old sister and 7 hu%%ed each
other0 shiverin% in fear# ?ou2ll be safe as lon% as you2re inside the house#! My dad reminded while
hu%%in% me# 7 nodded while my li$s were /uiverin%# The soldiers2 footste$s and voices %rew louder
and louder# Tears started to stream from my face when 7 heard familiar voices shoutin% from the
nei%hborhood# Mom0 aren2t those Sarah and &uliaC#E! My li$s trembled as 7 reached out for the
door#
on2t6! My brother &aime called out0 sayin%# .n%el0 we can2t lose you to them# >nce you ste$ out of
that door0 they will take you6! My family %rabbed hold of me and $leaded0 sto$$in% me from o$enin%
the door# To my horror0 from the window0 7 saw my two best friends0 Sara and &ulia0 brutally carried
away by the &a$anese troo$s0 se$aratin% them from their families# 7 could see them cryin% for hel$0
but no matter how much their $arents $leaded0 they wouldn2t be set free because they were out
durin% curfew time# 7 couldn2t sto$ cryin% as 7 saw what was ha$$enin% to them0 and what2s worse0 7
couldn2t do anythin% to hel$# Sara and &ulia were carried and harshly thrown into the trucks and 7
%as$ed with every act of brutality they did to my friends# That was the first act of violence 7 witnessed
firsthand under the hands of the &a$anese# 7 used to think that &a$anese men were smart %entlemen0
but it was only now that 7 realiDed they could be monsters# 7 wanted to %o out and save my friends0
but my $arents forbade me to# 7t wasn2t only Sara and &uliaC# But many other %irls were taken into
the trucks as well#
What2s %oin% to ha$$en to themE! 7 asked fearfully while wi$in% my tears when the trucks left# They
can2t return anymore#! My mom whis$ered and her voice0 crackin%# What will they do to themE! 7
asked a%ain# My elder brothers &aime and =mil embraced me ti%ht and they said 7 wouldn2t be able to
take it if they described it to me# They 5ust said that they were to be Hcomfort women2# 7 didn2t /uite
understand what that meant at that time# 'erha$s the %irls were asked to nurse the wounded soldiers0
hence0 comfort womenE >r maybe they would be asked to me maids and serve them tea for lunchE
They would be asked to clean the bathroomsE 7 didn2t know# .ll 7 know is that 7 cried and cried the
whole ni%ht with my heart $oundin%# 7 ima%ined my two best friends cleanin% the toilet bowls or even
swee$in% the floor filled with cockroaches0 so far away from home# 7 shivered at the thou%ht# 7 had no
idea that 7 was too innocent# 7 didn2t know that the meanin% of bein% ca$tured would be so much
worse# What did Hcomfort women2 have to do anywaysE
The few evenin%s later0 it was five minutes before curfew time when 7 decided to %o out of the house#
'robably that was the %reatest mistake 7 did# 7t wasn2t because 7 wanted to run and $lay but because
our drum of water ran out and 7 decided to %o to the nearby well to %et a bucket of water so that 7 can
bathe# 7 could2ve asked my dad or my brothers to do it0 but they were busy $layin% crossword that 7
didn2t want to disturb them# Mom2s tired enou%h with housework0 too0 so 7 didn2t bother to ask her to
accom$any me# 7 decided to run fast and %o strai%ht home after %ettin% the $ail ri%ht before curfew# 7t
was a $eaceful ni%ht and 7 didn2t see or hear any loud trucks so 7 was sure 7 was safe# 7 was able to
%et the $ail and 7 ran strai%ht home# The $ail was so heavy that my shoulders started to ache badlyI 7
had to $ut it down and rest a while# My house was really nearby and 7 sat down the cool %rass to take
a rest# Suddenly0 7 heard noises from the bushes behind me# 7 i%nored it0 thinkin% it was 5ust a fro%
since there were lots of fro%s in our field#
When 7 decided to finally stand u$ with the heavy $ail on my hand0 7 was horrified when 7 felt lar%e
arms around my thi%h0 $ullin% me towards the %round0 7 screamed# The bucket of water fell on my
stomach so hard that 7 was entirely wet and 7 couldn2t stand because of the $ain# My heart ta$$ed
wildly a%ainst my chest and my tears started to fall when 7 felt hands roamin% the insides of my skirt# 7
turned around in fear when 7 noticed that 7 wasn2t lyin% on to$ of the %rass anymore# . hideous face of
a &a$anese man in his fifties terroriDed me when 7 saw his hu%e malicious smile on his face# "e 5ust
chuckled when 7 screamed and cried hel$lesslyI tryin% to break free from his stron% %ri$0 but it was
futile# "e $ushed me and as 7 fell on the %round0 my head hit on a hard rock and it was severely
$ainful# "e climbed on to$ of me and 7 be%%ed and be%%ed but it was like he was deaf to my $leas as
he lau%hed maniacally0 touchin% every $art of my body with such force that it made me so weak#
'lease sto$6 'lease! 7 shivered but he continued0 tearin% my dress o$en until 7 felt so cold because 7
didn2t have my clothes on anymore0 and 7 was wet#
7 heard my $arents shoutin% from a near distance0 callin% my name worriedly# 7 bet they were worried
sick as to where 7 was# 7 tried callin% out for hel$0 but every time 7 did0 his li$s would $ress on mine so
hard that 7 couldn2t breathe# "e $unched me so hard that 7 lost all ener%y to fi%ht back# 7 was shiverin%
in the cold0 7 was $arched0 and 7 was in so much $ainC 7 felt like my innocence0 5ust at fourteen0 was
stri$$ed of from me# 7 was in so much $ain that my toes curled ti%htly a%ainst the sole of my feet0 and
my hands were balled into fists# My eyes were so blurry with tears that 7 couldn2t even see his face0
but 7 could feel him a%ainst me# 7 was so dis%usted0 why0 why is he doin% this0 whyE The only thin% 7
could make out were the stars0 shinin% so bri%htly in the ni%ht0 but they were not smilin% at me0 rather0
lookin% at me with $ity#
7 woke u$ with my whole body achin%# 7 felt so sick and chilly as 7 %ot u$ to survey where 7 was# 7 had
actually thou%ht that 7 was back in my room a%ain0 safe and sound with my family0 that they had seen
me in the middle of my assault and had rescued me# When 7 felt the warm blanket around me0 7
smiled0 thinkin% it was my mother who $ut it for me0 until my eyes widened in utmost terror when 7
saw that a &a$anese man0 not the one who $reviously hurt me0 was actually the one who $ut it# 7
5olted u$ the bed fearfully until the blanket fell off of me and that2s when 7 crin%ed0 s/ueeDin% myself
with my own arms0 wra$$in% myself with the blanket ti%htly0 when 7 realiDed that the blanket was the
only thin% on me# 7 whim$ered0 askin%# Where am 7E 'lease 7 want to %o home#! The man2s eyes
were as cold as ice when he said0 ?ou work here now#! Coverin% myself0 7 rose and headed for the
door but then three more of them entered and $ushed me down the floor# ?ou can2t leave#! >ne said
with a strict tone in his voice# She2s a beauty isn2t sheE! The other one said with a really %ross tone in
his voice# .nd she2s so youn%0 too#! The other one nodded in a%reement#
7 wasn2t e1$ectin% it when they all came close to meCand one of them yanked the blanket from me#
.nd thou%h 7 resisted and $leaded and cried so hardC they were merciless as they did the same
thin% to me# 7 heard that my 5ob was to be a comfort woman# >nly then did 7 realiDe what that meant# 7
cried and cried that ni%ht as 7 ima%ined what &ulia and Sara were %oin% throu%h# 7 felt like 7 was
doomed to die# 7 hated them so much# They were monsters# They had no conscience at all# 7 scanned
the $lace around me and saw that there were other %irls around me tooI all of them were like me# 7
shouldn2t have %otten that bucket of water0 because that was the start of my ni%htmare#
7t was a daily sufferin% for meI my di%nity was torn a$art# 7 sto$$ed screamin% and resistin% because
it won2t do me any %ood# 7 was a $risoner of war0 but to these &a$anese soldiers0 7 was their source of
Hcomfort2# =ach time they were comforted0 7 was in a%ony# The more 7 screamed the more bruises 7
%ot# Sometimes0 7 would like at myself at the mirror and $ity what has become of me so much that 7
would break down and cry# 7 didn2t scream anymore0 but 7 always cried0 every time# =ach time they
did that to me0 7 would feel my tears would run down my face0 and my heart would thum$ in fear# 7
didn2t know how lon% this would last# 7t was literally hell on earth and many times0 7 would want to kill
myself because there was no form of esca$e0 but 7 didn2t know how# There were no shar$ ob5ects0 no
way to end my life0 nothin%# =very sin%le dayC it was torture for me and all the women thereC there
would be at least a score of men lined u$ outside my room and 7 would have to suffer0 from day to
ni%ht# They weren2t humans 7 saw them as abominations0 monstrosities0 devils with horns0 wild
beasts6 7f 7 were "ercules0 7 would beat them all u$# 4ow 7 hated bein% a %irl0 because %irls like me
would end u$ like this0 defenseless and at their mercy# 7f 7 were a man0 this wouldn2t ha$$en to me# 7f 7
were a man0 7 would defend %irls like me and sto$ these monsters from hurtin% us#
=ven at times when 7 was really ill0 they wouldn2t s$are me# They were very unkind0 hittin% me and
sometimes even tyin% me a%ainst the wall# 7 was hun%ry and cold0 but they didn2t care# They were all
devils0 and 7 was a ca$tive in hell# ,our months $assed already0 and still 7 was tra$$ed# .nimals in our
farm were in much better sha$e than me# My whole body was filled with bruises which never
disa$$eared since there was always a new one# Some were old men0 some were youn%0 some
looked wicked0 others looked kind and were %entler but they were all the same# They were all hateful
$eo$le# This was a hateful world# =very day0 7 would wake u$ to the terrible si%ht of these demonic
creatures outside my door# 7 would lie down and %ave every bit of myself while cryin% as they took
everythin% from me# 4othin% was left# 7 was so de$ressed when 7 thou%ht of the fact that already more
than a thousand has touched me by now# 7 don2t %et used to it even if it2s the same every time# 7t2s
always $ainful and heartbreakin%# 7 $rayed and $rayed that one day this would sto$0 and 7 would be
ha$$y a%ain# 7 missed my family so much that 7 5ust wanted to die0 so that 7 could at least see them as
a s$irit#
>ne day in the %arrison0 my life chan%ed# 7t was the usual day of sufferin% for me as men entered my
room a%ain0 one by one# They were all the same0 they were demons0 but one of them was different# 7
was so sad and tired after another assault# 7 watched him walk out the door as 7 slowly $ut my dress
on0 my hands still /uiverin%# 7 thou%ht he was the last one for the day0 it was already midni%ht0 but 7
shivered on the floor as dreadfully 7 closed my eyes at the sound of the s/ueakin% door o$enin%#
There was another %uy who would enter this room and hurt meC no noC 7 couldn2t stand it
anymore0 oh Fod0 $lease0 make it sto$0 $lease# 7 was unconscious that 7 was already chantin% it out
loud as 7 sobbed0 'lease0 no more0 $lease# 'lease0 have mercy on meC!
My eyes were still shut0 already bracin% myself for bein% hurt and used and abused yet a%ain0
e1$ectin% more $ain0 but 7 %radually o$ened my eyes when 7 didn2t feel a sin%le touch on me# 7n front
of me was another soldier0 he looked so youn%0 maybe 5ust in his teens# "e was tall and unlike the
other shameless %uys who came unclad0 he wore his %reen military uniform# "e had this look of $ity
on his face and he knelt down to look at me face to face# With my clothes on and already $artially
buttoned0 7 5ust stared at him as he stared back at me# 7 wi$ed my tears and softly asked0 Why are
you starin% at meE Why are you not hurtin% me like the othersE!
72m so sorry for what the &a$anese %overnment has done to you and your $eo$le#! "e said in such a
sincere tone that 7 was taken aback# This was the first time a demon from here a$olo%iDed like that# 7t
was somethin% 7 never thou%ht was $ossible# Button your clothes#! "e said# 7 %as$ed in shock as 7
/uickly did as told0 and it was the first time in four months that 7 felt a%ain the natural sense of shame
to be naked in front of a man# Somehow0 7 felt like my di%nity came back# With him0 for the first time0 7
felt safe to be with a %uy# "e didn2t touch me at all or even %o near me0 but he s$oke# My name is
3ino# 7 was 5ust seventeen years old when the =m$eror forced us to 5oin the army0 now 72m ei%hteen# 7
didn2t want this# 7 didn2t want to 5oin the military# 7 don2t want to harm you and your $eo$le# But 7 have
no choiceC 72m an or$han and 7 don2t have a family so no one could tell me that 7 shouldn2t %o# Many
of us are 5ust youn% boys and we were sent here a%ainst our will# 4ot all of us avail of thisC this
comfort women services thin% that the adults say# 7 %uess some men are so homesick that they need
you %uysC but 7 think it2s so wron%# 7t2s so wron% for them to hurt you %irls like thisC! 7 was not
antici$atin% his words and then0 fear showed a%ain in my eyes when he stroked my hair#
72m not like them# on2t worry0 7 won2t hurt you#! "e said while strokin% my hair a%ain# Today2s the
first time 7 decided to check out this comfort women services thin%0 and 7 5ust couldn2t stand what my
fellow soldiers were doin% to you all# 7 waited until this late before 7 came back because 7 wanted to
see you# 7 saw how the man a while a%o hurt youCand 7 noticed that you have more bruises than the
other women# 7 saw how you cried0 my heart ached and it2s like 7 couldn2t %o back to my cabin without
seein% you#! My tears fell once a%ain and 7 whis$ered0 Thank you0 3ino#! 7 know you hate us all0 but0
72m different#! "e said a%ain# 7n behalf of my nation0 7 want to a$olo%iDe# .nd not all &a$anese $eo$le
are bad0 $lease remember that#! 7 nodded /uietly and inside0 7 thou%ht of him as the an%el 7 asked
Fod for# What2s your nameE! "e asked as he started to %et some ointment from his $ocket and a$$ly
it on my wounds# .n%el0 short for .n%elinaC! 7 re$lied /uietly as his %entle hands nursed my in5uries#
.nd how old are youE! "e asked a%ain# 72m turnin% (+ ne1t month#! 7 saw the $ain in his eyes when
7 said that# ?ou2re so youn% to be sufferin% like this# 72ll call you HTenshi2# That2s Han%el2 in &a$anese#!
"e %ave me a warm smile and 7 smiled back#
That was the best ni%ht in the duration of my stay in this %arrison of hell# That ni%ht0 3ino hel$ed me
%o to slee$ as he let me lie on his la$# 3ino was my first friend in that hellhole# "e was far too nice to
be one of them0 to be even here# "e had such a nice heartI 7 could feel that it was real# .fter such a
lon% time of $ain and fear0 7 actually felt $eaceful that ni%ht# 4ow my heart was relieved and my faith
in humanity was restored# .t least 7 knew that not everyone in this $lace were demons# There was
3ino0 and he wasn2t like them# "e was a human bein%0 or even an an%el#
=ver since that ni%ht0 3ino always visited me# "e says it2s the least he could do to ease his
conscience on what his country is doin%# "e was always the last %uy who entered my room every
sin%le ni%ht0 but he wouldn2t touch me and instead0 would comfort me and clean my wounds# There
were also times wherein he would come and visit in the afternoons0 and he would stay in my room for
more than an hour on $ur$ose0 5ust so he could lessen the time 7 would be abused by others# "ow 7
wish all the %uys who lined u$ at my door were like 3ino# 4o one would come and take advanta%e of
me0 and they would sit down and talk to me0 and be my friend# 3ino even said that if it was allowed0
he would buy me0 5ust so that 7 could be e1clusively his and 7 wouldn2t have to suffer anymore under
the hands of others# 7t already became my habit to antici$ate 3ino2s return every sin%le day0 and he
would visit me without fail# =very mornin%0 when 7 wake u$0 3ino was the only reason now that could
make me smile and he made it easier for me to live each day#
=ven as 7 was still abused my many other soldiers0 all 7 thou%ht of was 3ino2s kindness and that one
day he would %et me out of here and return me to my family# >ne day0 3ino could break free from his
res$onsibilities to his country and he2d stay with me# The other soldier %uards in the area thou%ht that
3ino was abusin% me for a very lon% time0 since he was in my room for lon%0 and that 7 was his
favorite0 since he came every sin%le day for me# But they didn2t know that he would actually lend his
shoulder for me to 5ust cry on and allow me to rest# 3ino was such a %entleman# This ha$$ened for
three monthsC and this was already the seventh month that 7 was in the %arrison# Thou%h0 unlike the
first four months0 my stay there in the last three months wasn2t as bad0 because 7 had 3ino by my
side# By the end of the month0 7 admitted to myself that 7 was in love with him#
7t was midni%ht a%ain and 7 stared at the wall0 waitin% for 3ino2s return# This is the only time he hasn2t
come to visit me# What could have ha$$ened to himE What if somethin% bad ha$$ened to himE
7ma%es of 3ino2s body s$rawlin% on the bloody floor $o$$ed u$ in my ima%ination and that caused me
to moan and cry# Suddenly0 the door o$ened and my face was still covered in tears# 7 was scared that
it would be another %uy0 but 7 %ave a si%h of relief that it was 3ino# 7 stood u$ and ran towards him0
observin% him worriedly# What ha$$ened0 TenshiE Were you seriously hurt by one of them a%ainE!
3ino asked with worry $lastered all over his face0 wi$in% my tears# 7 thou%ht somethin% bad
ha$$ened to you when you didn2t come# 72m so %lad you2reC you2re safe#! 7 said until 7 broke down in
his arms# "e and 7 sat down on the floor mat and he ta$$ed my head %ently# 72m sorry 72m late#! 7
shook my head and said0 7t2s not even your obli%ation to be nice to me#! Tenshi0 7C! 7 looked u$ at
him curiously until he said# 7 love you#! My eyes dilated as 7 heard him say those words0 so tender
and lovin%ly said# 4ever did 7 ima%ine this kind of scenario when 7 first fantasiDed my first love# 7
always ima%ined my first love to be in the fields of our barrio0 to a ,ili$ino like me0 and he would visit
my house and %o talk to my $arentsC 7 never ima%ined that my first romance would be in this horrid
state 7 am in0 and to a &a$anese soldier0 who was technically H$art2 of this dis%ustin% system# "e was
blood related to those monsters# But he did everythin% but bad0 and 7 fell for him# 7 %uess0 Fod can
make %ood thin%s out of bad# 7 %uess our love was even sweeter0 because it bloomed even in a rotten
$lace like this#
7 love you0 too0 3ino#! 7 mumbled tears started fallin% from my face a%ain# ?ou doE >h my FodC! "e
si%hed with a smile on his face as he %ave me a tender chaste kiss on the forehead# 7 want you to
%et out of here# =very day 7 want to kill myself when 7 recall the fact that you are still here and 72m
doin% nothin% about it# What 72m doin% isn2t enou%h# 7 have to take action# 7 have to set you freeC#!
,reedomC When 7 thou%ht about freedom0 my heart fluttered in 5oy# 7t2s likeI 72m a ca%ed bird who
would be set free by his master# 7 no lon%er have to endure the abuse of these men0 and 7 could live
ha$$ily with my family a%ain6 ButC my heart sank when 7 thou%ht of 3ino# What would ha$$en to him
if he sets me freeE Would he be killedE 7 was torn# 7 wanted to %et out of here so badlyCsince 7 can2t
ima%ine livin% like this forever0 but 7 can2t stand the thou%ht that 3ino would have to $ay the $rice# But
3inoC what would ha$$en to youE 7 heard that if a soldier disobeys the =m$eror0 they would shoot
him deadC! My li$s trembled at the thou%ht as 7 cried#
8nlike others0 7 am an or$han# 4o one2s waitin% for me back in &a$an# Maybe Fod made me an
or$han so that 7 wouldn2t have a reason to %o back to &a$an0 so that 7 wouldn2t have the reason to
stay alive0 so that 7 would instead have the reason to e1chan%e my life to save yours0 Tenshi# Take my
offer#! "e hu%%ed me ti%ht and for the first time0 7 saw him cry# But 3ino0 noC 7 don2t want you to die#
My conscience wouldn2t be able to take it#! 7 said honestly as 7 smoothed his hair# ?ou2re Fod2s %ift to
me0 TenshiC you %ave my life a $ur$ose# 7 can save you and even the other women tooC'lease let
me do it0 Tenshi# 'lease don2t live a life of %uilt0 Tenshi# 7f 7 set you free0 you must $romise you will be
ha$$y# ?ou will for%et about me#! 3ino whis$ered near my ear# 7 shook my head vehemently and cried
out0 3ino0 how can 7 for%et youE Can2tC can2t we esca$e here to%etherE! ?ou can2t save me now0
this is my destiny# ?ou have to leave and 7 have to stay# So0 what do you sayE! 8$on hearin% this0 my
heart was torn between freedom and kee$in% 3ino safe# 7 couldn2t answer as 7 sobbed in his arms0
undecided# This was very0 very hard for me# Many would think 72m a terrible %irl0 allowin% such a nice
an%el like 3ino0 a %ift from heaven0 to 5ust die for me#
7 no lon%er thou%ht of myself now but of my family# What would my family think if they knew that 7 had
a way of esca$in% and yet didn2t take itE .nd 7 was tryin% to $rotect a &a$anese soldier like himE They
would call me stu$id0 they would hate me# They would say 7 deserved it if 7 was bein% abused 7 was
foolish enou%h to have left the house ri%ht before curfew0 and 7 was foolish to have chosen to stay
because 7 was foolish to have fallen for someone like him# 7t was such a dilemma 7 couldn2t make u$
my mind# My freedom or 3ino2s safety0 which will 7 chooseE amn if 7 do0 damn if 7 don2t# Why is this
so hardE 7f it was a random soldier who2d let me out0 72d %ladly run for my life0 but then 7 fell for 3inoC
and now he owns my heart# 7 don2t know what to do6 7 want to esca$e so badly0 7 didn2t want the $ain
or the sufferin%0 but at the same time 7 can2t $icture 3ino bein% beaten u$ by his su$eriors0 bein%
killed for bein% a traitor# .ll this time 7 thou%ht of my answer to 3ino0 he let me cry in his arms and all
he could do was to hush me to slee$#
When 7 woke u$0 it was mornin%0 since 7 saw little li%ht from the outside# 7 was sur$rised to see 3ino
still beside me# 7 smiled# "e stayed all ni%ht with me and he was $eacefully slee$in% beside me0 his
head rested on my shoulder# 7 %aDed at his handsome countenance and thou%ht that if 7 weren2t in
this $itiful and horrifyin% situation0 7 wouldn2t have met 3ino# Was it worth %oin% throu%h the $ains of
bein% abducted as a comfort woman0 brou%ht far away from home0 bein% re$eatedly abused0 5ust to
meet an an%el like 3inoE 7 didn2t want to answer that /uestion# Some mi%ht 5ud%e me that if 7 said0
bein% in here was worth it since 7 met 3ino0 and they would say that 7 $robably en5oyed the assaults
too0 that2s why 72m able to say such thin%s# But 7 didn2t# 7 hated every minute of it# But at the same
time0 7 can2t deny that 3ino chan%ed my life# "e made me more understandin% of the &a$anese
soldiers0 miles away from their homes0 not that he was 5ustifyin% their immorality but he has tau%ht me
to become more for%ivin%0 and made me realiDe that not all of them were heartless# 7 can2t say that it
would be alri%ht with me to for%et 3ino0 now after 7 have met him#
3ino shuffled in his slee$0 and eventually0 he woke u$# "e looked at me and smiled tenderly0
s/ueeDin% my hand for reassurance# 'lease Tenshi0 take the offer# .nd 7 wouldn2t be able to rest in
$eace if you live a life of %uilt#! 7 looked into his eyes and bit my li$0 not sayin% anythin%# Then0 7 heard
footste$s comin% towards the door# >h no0 not a%ain0 not a%ainC 7 hy$erventilated as 7 fearfully
stared at the door# My whole body was tremblin%# 72m still usin% her0 %o away6! 7 stared at 3ino when
he shouted that and then 7 saw the shadow slowly %o away# 7 inhaled shar$ly0 and after a ni%ht of
decidin%0 7 finally said0 ?es0 72m takin% your offer#! ?ou won2t re%ret your choice# ?ou know whyE 7t2s
because there are so many %reat ,ili$ino men out there for you# Fod knows that a yellow monster like
me who came from this re$ulsive and abusive system is not worthy of you#!
7 %as$ed at his self-infliction and said0 4o0 3ino6 ?ou2re the kindest man with the $urest heart 7 have
met# on2t say that#! 72m not worth $rotectin%0 Tenshi# Fo live your life# 7t2s such a $ity that our love
blossomed under these circumstances# ?ou hate my race andC! 4o0 no 7 don2t hate your race#
Thousands of men ra$ed meCand all my friends0 and the &a$anese %overnment attacked the
'hili$$ines0 and 7 had the reason to hate the &a$anese# But after meetin% you0 5ust you0 3ino0 you
alone0 made me chan%e my mind# "ow can 7 have the ri%ht to hate the &a$anese $eo$le if you
showed me the best that &a$anese can beE "ow can 7 hate the race from which you came fromE
?ou2re an an%el0 3inoC! 7 whis$ered0 then0 he li%htly kissed me on the li$s0 and that was the $urest
kiss 7 have ever had# 7 %ot nervous and thou%ht that since we both love each other now0 3ino would
do to me what husbands and wives do# 7t would be different now and it wouldn2t be called an abuse0
since 3ino and 7 both truly love each other0 and 7 would be willin% to %ive myself to him# But 7 was
nervousC7 was only fifteen and he was my first love# 7 was still nervous even after thousands of
assaults since they were monsters who wron%ed me0 but now0 the one in front of me was an an%el#

3ino must have noticed my body becomin% tense when he kissed me since he $ulled away# 7t was a
short and brief kiss and then he released me# o you think 7 would do that do youE 7 won2tC you2re
so youn%0 and you2re already so traumatiDed0 7 can2t demand that from youI 7 will show you that real
love from a man doesn2t demand that of a woman# ?our worth is much hi%her than that# But 7 love you
so muchC7 love you so much that 7 won2t touch you#! By this time0 my tears came rushin% down u$on
hearin% his sweet words# 7 was ri%ht without a doubt# 3ino was an an%el# Thank you0 3ino#! 7 said
while wi$in% my tears from my face0 and he hel$ed me0 with his lar%e hands#
Suddenly0 the man from earlier 7 $resume0 knocked from the door# ,inished yetE! "e asked# 3ino
si%hed and stood u$0 shoutin%0 ?eah0 hold on 72m leavin%#! "e looked at me with sorrow in his eyes
and s/ueeDed my shoulders for comfort and assurance# 72m so sorry 7 have to %ive you to this
douche# Be stron%0 Tenshi# Soon0 real soon0 you2ll %et out of here0 7 $romise#! 7 smiled sadly0 thou%h
with ho$e in my eyes0 and said# 7 will 5ust think of them as you0 to make it easier for me#! .nd 7 think 7
was so dumb to have said that# 7 offended 3ino# 3ino had a hurt tone in his voice and said0 4o0
Tenshi $lease don2t think of them as me# 7 want you to have a $ure ima%e of me0 and always
remember - 72m not like them#! 72m sorry#! My eyes were downcast# 7t2s alri%ht# &ust remember0 no
matter what ha$$ens - 7 will always love you#! 7 love you0 too0 3ino0 so muchC! "e embraced me for
the last time before headin% for the door#
Three days after that day0 3ino %ave me military clothes to wear0 and cut my hair0 so that 7 could
$retend as a &a$anese boy# 7 could $ull it off0 he said0 since 7 had fair skin0 and he led me out of the
cellar# We were nervous and careful durin% our esca$e0 and then when 7 was at the boundary of the
%arrison0 only a footste$ away would mean freedom0 we hu%%ed each other for the last time# "e ke$t
remindin% me how much he loved me and how 7 should continue with my life while 7 ke$t tellin% him 7
would be back for him once 7 %ot hel$# 72ll watch out for you#! "e said softly as 7 ran out of the %ates0
the intense feelin% of freedom finally sur%in% inside me# Then0 7 turned around to look at hi m a%ain#
"e mouthed a on2t look back#! .nd as $ainful as it was for him as it was with me0 we $arted0 and 7
scurried away for freedom#
7 was able to reach home and all my family members cried u$on seein% me0 es$ecially after they
knew what 7 have been throu%h# 7 told them about 3ino and about the other women tra$$ed there#
>ur men0 the %uerillas and ,ili$ino soldiers0 rushed into the %arrison and rescued all the women from
where 7 was held ca$tive# There was a bloody battle0 the &a$anese weren2t ha$$y0 but we %ot to free
them# We were so over5oyed when we had set them free# When 7 saw Sara and &ulia0 7 was so ha$$y
7 cried while runnin% towards them0 hu%%in% my best friends and tellin% them that we2re free at last6
But then0 7 was an1ious in findin%C 3ino6 Then my heart sto$$edC when 7 entered an isolated room
in the %arrison0 and 7 saw 3ino# Both his arms and le%s were tied to the wall0 and whi$lashes
blemished his fair skin# 7 saw whi$s near him and 7 realiDed what ha$$ened to him# 7 saw a $ool of
blood beside him0 and so all kinds of %ashes and %ory wounds on his an%elic countenance# 7 saw
bullet marks on his body0 and his small eyes stared at me with no emotion# 7 couldn2t resist itC 7 ran
towards him and wra$$ed my arms around his neck and kissed his bloody cheeks0 whis$erin%0 7 love
you 3ino0 listen0 72ll %et you out of hereC! Then0 7 wailed as he was as cold as cor$se and unmovin%
in my arms#
My husband must have heard my sobbin% since he woke u$ and asked tenderly while hu%%in% me0
Sweetheart0 did you dream of 3ino a%ainE! 7 felt so %uilty# My husband always felt like he had to
com$ete with the dead# =very sin%le ni%ht 7 would have ni%htmares about 3ino2s death0 and about our
forbidden love# 72m so sorry0 Geon# 7 have not been a %ood wife to you# 7 always disturb your slee$
with my cryin%# o you hate 3inoE! >f course not honey# "ow can 7 hate 3inoE "e was the one who
saved your lifeC 7 know you can never love me more than 3ino0 but 7 $romise you that 7 will love and
cherish and $rotect you all my life#! "e said as he kissed my cheek# 7 smiled and whis$ered to him0
Thank you0 and 7 love youI don2t you for%et that#! But as 7 laid down the bed in the arms of my lovin%
s$ouse0 7 couldn2t sto$ lookin% at the shimmerin% stars and %lowin% fireflies outside our window0
contrastin% the ebony ni%ht0 because 7 believe that 3ino is either a star or a firefly0 watchin% over me
with his warm smile# "e washed the stains of my $ast# 7 would thank him by livin% ha$$ily and bein% a
%ood wife to Geon# 3ino was the li%ht0 contrastin% the darkness of my sufferin%# .nd if we weren2t
meant to be for this lifetime0 maybe we are in the ne1t life#




Written on &anuary (:0 J;(* J:*;'M until ):*+ 'M 9wrote until BK'M then watched TL with dad
4ational Feo%ra$hic T.B>> and a bit .M7S" and $robably started a%ain at about *K while
simultaneously watchin% with dad Wish ko Gan% 'hili$$ine local TL show<
=dited on (('M of the same day while dryin% hair after bath .n%elina! name0 Sara and &ulia were
saved0 too! 7 would thank him by livin% ha$$ily and bein% a %ood wife to Geon#!