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Alexa Buono
Professor Kathlin Reed
English Composition: 101
28 July 2014
Technology: the Elephant in the Room
Technology seems to elicit negative feelings and perceptions when associated with
communication. Why is that? People are afraid of change. Through research surrounding the
impacts of technology on platonic and intimate relationships, it is evident that not many see, or
want to see that this change in discourse can actually be beneficial. New modes of
communication serve as a driving force when initiating a conversation, maintaining a long
distance relationship, and even building ones identity. Like any other topic, there are negatives
to technology, however the pros greatly outweigh the cons, and positively impact society.
As an ever-changing field, technology is by no means going to become stagnant, as
change is inevitable. It is clear that these advancements cannot only provide a mode for
communication, they can actually form and create a relationship. When starting a relationship, it
is always beneficial to learn as much as possible about the other person. With that development
of information comes the establishment of emotional support. There is the ability to be in contact
with one another throughout the day to have discussions about important topics, which is
useful because constant communication is possible (Hertlein Ancheta). This constant
communication is what forms any relationship, whether it be romantic or simply a friendship.
There is clearly no negative to getting to know another person, whether it be face to face, or
virtually; the information is the same. Without the use of technology as a mode to form
relationships, there would be wait time and less privacy, as texting provides an environment
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where it is easier to be intimate" due to the fact that texts are not heard by everyone around
you (Hertlein Ancheta). In a world that is fast paced and perceived as private, it is helpful
when one can communicate his or her feelings intimately, especially when it is just between the
texter" and the textee." This technological advancement serves as an enforcer when it comes to
establishing a relationship. Sometimes there is no possible way to verbalize what is being
thought, technology serves as the middle man for those times when communication is difficult.
As a reinforcement that technology is helpful when forming relationships, the online class I am
currently taking would have been impossible fifty years ago. That being said, the ability to form
a relationship with classmates and professors has increased tremendously. To aid in the
formation of a relationship, technology serves to reduce the anxiety of confrontation. Sometimes
one needs time to think about a response before stating it, which can allow them to calm down
before saying something they would regret (Hertlein Ancheta). With the reduction of anxiety and
miscommunication, the relationship can move forward without being deterred by a heated
argument. When getting through a difficult conversation with technology, it could then create
confidence in the person to approach the next sensitive topic without the barrier of text. No
matter the situation, technology, as a whole, has enforced the early beginnings of any
relationship. The ability to create a strong basis for a potentially long-term association is one of
the main positive outcomes of advanced technology.
In any relationship, once physical distance becomes an apparent factor, maintaining that
relationship is difficult; technology serves to alleviate some of that difficulty. When there is no
possibility to see that person on a whim, one may look to text, email, DM, or even Skype to
maintain and build the connection. Stefana Broadbent, in her TED talk, outlines how technology
has the ability to transport love across barriers of distance, and even the workplace. According to
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Broadbent, there is a democratization of intimacy that is plaguing the world due to the
numerous activities which impose isolation. With the factors that inhibit relationships from
thriving, comes the disdain for breaking focus and contacting your loved ones. With these
attention seeking activities, such as work, technology serves as an incredible social
transformation where there is the ability to maintain relationships outside of a physical presence
(Broadbent). The modes of communication have an overwhelming positive effect on society due
to the fact that one can contact his or her inner circle from the other side of the world. Being able
to contact someone whenever one wishes is one of the main reasons why long distance
relationships survive. This establishment of a new mean of communication can provide a lifetime
relationship, whereas in the past contact was easily lost. There is a widespread belief that
technology inhibits the communication skills of the youth. That may be true in some cases, but
ignoring the overwhelming benefits of maintaining contact with loved ones is no longer an
option. One of the main reasons that relationships can thrive from afar, is the nature of the
technology itself, specifically its accessibility and quick nature (Hertlein Ancheta). Without
this easy nature of technology, long distance relationships would suffer, just as they seemed to
have when the only mode of communication was through letters. When forming a relationship
technology is useful, but it is truly appreciated when there is a possibility to have constant
contact with those who are not close by.
Another benefit of technology that is often ignored is its ability to build someones
identity and self-esteem. There is disdain concerning self-esteem when associated with
technology. It is human nature to focus on the negative cases, but there are those who have
benefited from forming their identity through technology. To form ones identity, many use
technology as a basis. There may be an about me section on your Facebook profile, or a
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paragraph about your qualities on a dating site. This information is indicative of how one views
himself or herself. Whether it is someone elses opinion, the only opinion that matters is ones
own. Technology can serve as identity-building practices when others comment or approach
you for those specific traits (Fullick). The practice of creating an identity that is true to oneself is
enforced by the World Wide Web. The early stages of an identity is important, especially when
people search online for a partner because they can view who they attract and can mold their
personality as a result of that attraction. One may not like the type of people he or she attracts so
then the practice of creating an identity becomes useful. This mediation and negotiation is seen
as an increasingly important role in [] social and psychological lives (Fullick). As evident in
the EBSCO article, there is a psychological need to form an identity, so why not do it online?
Technology is not only serving as a mode of communication, it allows for people to find
themselves within a community that happens to be virtual. While searching for an identity, the
web can also create a medium where one can find personal acceptance, if they cannot find that in
the real world. It is clear that many are obsessed with the number of likes received on a
Facebook photo, but what about those who simply view it as an added compliment to their
already fulfilled self? It is not an addictive setting if the person who is receiving the attention
online does not equate likes to self-worth; it is all about perspective. Technology serves to
mold ones identity and create an environment where anyone can elevate his or her self-esteem,
which is always a positive outcome.
What is the role of technology in society? Is it to make life easier, is it to serve as an ego
booster, or is it an extension of human emotion? Technology allows people to express
themselves in an alternative context. Human emotion and expression should not be restricted to a
face to face setting, but rather be expanded to multiple means of communication. These multiple
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settings allow us to constantly be in touch with the ones we love, while we experience perpetual
change. Even though society views technology as an inhibition of human connection, in reality,
it connects us in ways we did not deem possible.




















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Work Cited
Broadbent, Stefana. How the Internet Enables Intimacy. TED. N.p., July 2009.
Web. 19 July 2014. <http://www.ted.com/talks/
stefana_broadbent_how_the_internet_enables_intimacy#t-161307>.Fullick, Melonie.
"'Gendering' the Self in Online Dating Discourse."
Communication and Mass Media: n. pag. EBSCO. Web. 17 July 2014.
<http://web.b.ebscohost.com.proxy.foley.gonzaga.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/
pdfviewer?vid=3&sid=609efbdb-744e-424f-bcf4-1aa50af82a5b
%40sessionmgr111&hid=126>.
Hertlein, Katherine, and Katrina Ancheta. "Advantages and Disadvantages of
Technology in Relationships: Findings from an Open-Ended Survey."
Communication and Mass Media: n. pag. EBSCO. Web. 17 July 2014.
<http://web.b.ebscohost.com.proxy.foley.gonzaga.edu/ehost/pdfviewer
pdfviewervid=5&sid=aa9e092b-834f-478d-97f6-5c554fb52eb1%40sessionmgr115&hid=126>.