The Reality Of Attraction And Dating In A Post Modern

Society
The Reality Of Attraction And Dating In A Post Modern Society
by: Rion Williams
Many men today are confused as to how to attract and deal with women. Today our women are more
beautiful (through natural selection and beautification), capable and empowered than at any point in
history, and though this is a wonderful thing, it's had many ramifications when it comes to
relationships.
Countless guys including 'great catches' are frustrated as to how to deal with, attract and succeed
with these desirable women. In fact many men are so frustrated that we now have 40 year old
virgins. The major social dilemma that I see exists is this:
Men are wondering "what is wrong with the women (and why do they treat us like this)"? and
women are wondering, "Where are all the real men?"
Guys want to be a nice guy and they will even do what society tells them to when it comes to dating
and attracting women yet almost none of it works. In fact it usually repels women away or incites
them to reluctantly partake in the free gifts they're getting in exchange for their own time even
though the women are bored, not really interested and definitely not attracted.
Societal 'dating' is a lot of presumptuous false expectations and ideals that cater to her social
leanings and not what her heart truly desires (also because few of these men have 'character').
Despite what the experts say, it often ends up being what neither of them want (to appease arcane
social norms) and the guy goes home with an emptier wallet and a good night hug and she'll end up
(having sex) with a jerk who she is biologically attracted to.
If he's 'lucky' he can maybe this beautiful woman's friend. "Let's just be friends"...the kiss of death
for him if he only wanted something else.
So in order for men to be more effective with dating they're going to have to do some different
things. And I'm not talking about becoming someone they're not so they have to 'seduce' women or
act like a jerk, be a playboy or even to 'give her some of her own medicine'.
Women are just wondering why that can't find a man they are attracted to who actually IS healthy
and stable.
First of all society promotes 'courtship' which is a socially derived function which worked great
throughout modern history when people lived in the same communities and the focus was
immediately on raising a family. Simply put, things changed.
Today's independent women are more interested in exercising their freedoms and seeing what
happens instead of putting up with all of the implied expectations dealing with having to marry each
guy they go out with.
Take a look at the hit 'Sex and the City'. Quite a long ways from 'Leave it to Beaver' (and modern
programming would have been blasphemy back then; that's how far we've come).
So I don't know why dating experts keep teaching dating as courtship; it's just so antiquated. Is it
really to 'protect' women (who are more independent and powerful than ever before anyways)?
Maybe they just don't want to face the reality of what women want.
Yes, most women eventually want to get married but they want it to happen casually and naturally
when they meet a guy now to see how it develops (with someone she's interested in) INSTEAD OF
having guys wooing and courting her from date number one with flowers, dinner, walking on
eggshells and lots of incoming phone calls from someone she's not interested in (unless she's letting
her parents or social expectations rule the decision).
Usually that's a LOT of pressure and expectation to deal with plus the guy's are coming on too heavy
and it's SO predictable...they all seem the same to her just about and it's very tiring. Now it's the
good guys who are getting their hearts trampled (see pop music) by these women.
In a traditional 'dating' situation (which we know mainstream society promotes) she's not necessarily
being herself (although her grandma may have been), she's being what society tells her to be
(although times have changed) and how to act.
Plus the man isn't getting anywhere either because he's putting a fake foot forward to essentially
buy her attention.
He's not being his true self upfront and those things will surface later on both ends anyways. With
the progression of independence and advancement in both men and women, there's more 'demons'
that are being hidden as well as incompatible personality traits.
Not to mention that everyone looking for a 'date' is only looking for an interpersonal solution for
themselves...they don't really know the other person, just what they are judging.
So, if a man follows society's advice of (courtship) 'dating' women, it's like living an incongruency (or
lie) with what he REALLY wants and what she wants unless they really ARE looking and about ready
to get married.
Most single, young (and now older) men want to have physical relationships and aren't looking to get
married right away until they really get to know a woman and courting her isn't really getting to
know her.
If there was a price on love then a lot of people would be permanently out of luck. Women know that
love doesn't cost a thing and I believe it (ie. J.Lo's natural and not social side) yet people will
continue to try and buy her affection.
Today, desirable and empowered women want to express their (newfound) sexual freedom without
having to have this guy dragging her down. Basically girls really DO just want to have fun but there's
so much PRESSURE.
Now a man can do this without having to seduce her or be the nice guy of courting her and getting
both of them nowhere. Most importantly he doesn't have to become someone he's not or being an
abusive jerk just to succeed.
If men and women could just be upfront, casual and honest with each other in their intentions they
could both have a lot of fun and get to know each other without false expectations.
And another important point, sex isn't likely to happen with traditional courtship dating because
society tells her to delay sex so she can hold onto a keeper (which makes sense for COURTSHIP).
The focus is more on their social/fake/expected relationship and less on who they really are as
people.
When guys take the 'dating route, it's like they have a hidden agenda to get somewhere with her
taking this route and she knows it and in the wrong metaframe of courtship with him pursuing, it
makes her want him less.
It looks like he's hiding his true self and paying for her attention. She often feels obligated to give
him at least a hug in exchange for everything he bought her and yet she'll run off with a more
dangerous man she is attracted to because of the way SHE feels when she's around him.
She doesn't get these feelings of intoxication from the wooing, low independent character men who
are responding to their perception of her. She wants to be respected and treated as an equal (and
nice guys put her above themselves) so she often ends up pursuing an independent man.
Women have changed dramatically in a social and personal matter so that they now have
tremendous power, capability and favor in life. They're marrying later and less interested in men
wooing them when it comes to attraction and dating (unless they want to take material advantage of
the resources men are throwing at them).
A woman will often wonder if she will ever find a real man who she can just have a fun and REAL
time with which may or may not naturally end up in sex. She doesn't want men following her around
like a whipped puppy, having them by the string and not respecting her own independence.
Gold-diggers might like this to maintain high social status but healthy women don't feel attraction
for these men. It's unnatural.
The power has shifted and it's changed almost everything. Tradition is thrown off course and nature
itself is being slapped in the face by social culture and it's influence (just turn on the t.v. and you'll
be inundated with it non-stop).
Men are wondering what went wrong and if they themselves are the problem when it comes to
dating. Their entire psyche and outlook on reality has been affected and this affects all areas of their
life.
All of this is NOT desirable to alot of these
women who have really improved
themselves in all of the aspects of their
life...a woman doesn't want to settle for
LESS, she wants men that are worthy of
her time and not afraid of her for just being
herself (who she has become).
Little does she know though that she would
be a completely different woman if she
were raised in another culture. Little do
men realize that they would have natural
success with women without really trying if
they went to many other cultures in the
world.
They would be SHOCKED to find that 'it
just happens'. This is what nature or
intelligent design intended. This realization on my part is what I call 'cultural differentiation'.
The socio-cultural 'forced reality' which began in America around the 1960's has influenced the
relationship dynamics of countless millions of people now around much of the world. It's the impetus
of a 50% divorce rate.
Thankfully there is still the natural reality of attraction; the ability within man and woman to know
what to do when it comes to attraction. It's within all of us and more important than the social
pervasive reality that defines almost all current relations in these societies.
For man to truly begin to succeed with women and attraction, he must cut through all of the junk,
see the matrix for himself and understand his relation to it.
The fact that women respond to men of high natural character still doesn't change; it never will or
we would be threatened with the thought of extinction (note the birth rate is increasing rapidly in
traditional or natural cultures the most).
Independent career women have less time to raise more kids in their natural/traditional role as
mother and nurturer (reference; the neighbors in 'Cheaper by the Dozen').
Choosing a path of seduction or 'pick up arts' in order to get the end result is now not the only
option. There is another and more powerfully effective way.
You see, current social byproduct (response solutions) like pick up and seduction have become very
popular because the way women are responding to these men.
Women not being interested, ignoring them, and rejecting them is very real (and common) so some
men have found another way to counteract it and deal with it (responding to woman's general social
power as the stimulus). The unnatural transgression of sexual energy had to find an outlet.
In order to become a successful seducer or 'PUA' generally a man has to study a system of countless
techniques and psychological triggers to try to bring a woman's level of interest and attraction up to
where it matters.
He will have to face a lot of rejection through his training to start seeing results...results that work
with women starting on the social level where she has the favor and he will often try to break down
her social identity and her belief in it so that her judgment becomes more clouded and in his favor.
If he can 'talk her into' it to a point where he comes close to her expectational/ideal response, then
he may 'get lucky'. This is the hard road and it's not natural, although with practice he can be more
effective than being a nice guy of confused/diminished character who follows the outdated courtship
dating (not mating) ritual.
Overly 'wooful', courting men (nice guys) or PUA's (pick-up artists) are BOTH trying to work against
the natural energy of what women really want by trying to deal with her on the social level where
she has received the power and they are now essentially below her (and almost always act it).
She likes the attention and social proof plus all the gifts and meals at times from the nice guys but
there's a part of her that is hollow and missing something (no pun intended).
She's not really attracted to these men and he doesn't understand why he keeps buying her all these
gifts and she doesn't call back and dumps him.
There's no win/win situation there. I teach my men to keep things interdependent and not to abuse
their power (potentially over women) when they attain awareness but to respect women and add
value to their lives.
If a woman can just find a man who is upfront, honest and congruent with who he is and how he lives
she'll respect him (probably be greatly relieved from social pressures) and then can decide whether
to join him on his adventures or not...and he doesn't get rejected.
In the game of attraction and who she is attracted to (who she chooses and not what she or society
says), her decisions are almost always made on the natural level (although unhealthy gold-diggers
base their decisions on the social level and teenage boy band fans will become infatuated with a
star's independent character portrayal).
The biological and natural mating instinct is the timeless authority that guarantees something like
social development wouldn't throw nature off it's course (although it's now being threatened).
Everyone knows how to reproduce; we don't have to be taught (Return to Blue Lagoon). Social
influence has just gotten in the way. It has confused some men so much that they wonder if they
were ever meant to reproduce or go through the mating ritual. This is a very true reality for many
men.
And yet woman will often end up with jerks and losers instead who are fearless and strong in natural
character because they're the closest options available to her attraction response ideal (of how she
'feels' when she's with him). Basically our biology is stronger than our social programming.
And nice guys everywhere will just not get what's going on and they will remain confused and
disparately powerless or less than they could be most of their adult lives unless they really find their
own path through the mire.
The answer lies in discovering what society has hidden from him. It's not in being the wife-beater t-
shirt guy, it's about being a man of character; a man who is comfortable in his own skin and can
handle (and please) women without having to say a word.
This is what women want. A real man. One who is respectful but never panders to women or let's
them violate his own (respectful) boundaries. The fact that women have become more demanding
today just makes real relationships harder but I'm teaching attraction and not 'dating' or marriage.
I don't know when the dating experts will EVER catch up but they are right about one thing (which
is skewed by the seduction experts); women WANT men to be themselves.
The way seduction experts see it is if you just 'be yourself' you will fail with women so you have to
basically turn yourself into someone you're not just in order to get the end result (usually sex).
The way I see it is that men are NOT really being themselves in the first place. This is where the
problem lies; society has diminished a man's own sense of masculinity, independence and his place
in the world in relation to everything else..it's all watered down so that he has become a man of
lower character and almost unable to instill the attraction response in women.
It seems the only men that women are 'attracted to' (we're not talking about what society says she
wants about marrying a 'nice guy', etc.) are the bad boys and jerks who used to be social outcasts.
Why is this so? Simply because the other men aren't stepping up to the plate anymore. Our
grandfathers were men of high natural character.
And the men like this that are balanced and high in character, they're taken right away by women or
in the greatest demand. This balanced man is rare to find today; a man who can be himself, has
qualities that women want and isn't afraid or intimidated of being around beautiful women.
In more scientific terms, men today have become the response to women as the stimulus (in
empowered, forced reality cultures because the whole world is NOT like this). The natural reality of
attraction (and the MATING not dating sequence) is that men are the stimulus to which women will
respond to.
A woman will do things to look good so that men will 'pick her' but their relationship or not rests on
HER response to HIM and not how he thinks she looks. She has to sift through the men of different
character to decide.
The men who have the most success with women anywhere have a high level of 'character' in any of
the three areas I define in my free ebook; his natural, independent and social character.
Good news for men is that women KNOW to respond to men of high natural character and pick them
out of the crowd. Unfortunately for many women, that means they'll keep irrationally choosing to
sleep with bad boys who aren't emotionally healthy until more guys like us come along.
In fact high social status men wonder if a women are just using them for their money/power or not
(ie. what Jay-Z raps about).
Women know when a man is who his body says he is; it's hard to 'trick' her intuition about whether
he can give her the indescribable psychosexual response that only a man of high natural character
can give her (few men reach this level but about all could).
She is extrapolating and judging men just as harshly as men judge women. This is a whole area I get
into in my free downloadable ebook on the website.
These physiologically and emotionally based decisions she makes about men will overrule her strong
social influences; her body and physiological desire can't resist.
And if a good man can just develop himself and his own character, he can have great consistent
success with women (while respecting them) and when he does want to settle down he can find a
good woman from many options.
For women, there could be more options of 'real men' and they will stop choosing the bad boy or
jerks when they finally have the option of stable guys who have healthier character (with just as
much natural connection and ability to please her as the bad boys).
Women will be grateful because there would be more real men so they don't have to fight over them
as much or be as lonely. Men just have to become men of higher character and improve themselves
in the 3 areas that matter to women. This CAN be done with the right resources to bring a man into
his natural destiny.
When a man can be more of himself at all times and he can communicate with women that he is a
man (nonverbally and verbally) who is not ashamed of who he is; she can respect this and will know
where he stands on her interest/attraction level (hint; he has a good chance).
And the further he communicates that he really IS the man she idealized, the easier everything will
be to take things to a connected interdependent experience.
She's the one who will make the choice and decision of whether anything's going to happen so it's up
to a man to help her out there. Most guys fail before they start by not being what women want and
not following the natural order of things.
For a naturally successful man who has lots of options of women he can take his pick but it's still the
woman who are (eagerly) choosing to be with him.
She can't tell a man to be 'more of a man', he just has to be that man and then can have all the
success he dreams of with much less dependency on the words to say because he will be operating
from where HIS power lies, his natural character and ability to make women swoon despite his other
personal faults.
This is about something more important than a quick-fix, this is about bringing balance back to the
force of male and female relationships.
So my advice is for men to become their true selves of high character potential and strength in all
three areas (natural, independent/personality and social) which will henceforth fix almost ALL of
their other problems with attracting and succeeding with women they once were infatuated.
It's all about the man and developing his character so that women will respond (to his
characteristics as the stimulus) the way she dreams of responding when she finds this kind of man.
That is the underlying current in this crazy, mixed up world that is still the source of pure hope and
life throughout most cultures. It's up to a man to embrace and represent the characteristics of his
nature and self that will drive women wild in reality instead of in their fantasies.
About The Author
Rion Williams is the celebrated author of 'Mens Guide to Women' and is the first person to quantify
and put in writing 'what women want'. His free newsletter and downloadable attraction philosophy
eBook can be found at http://www.modelmagnet.com
This article was posted on March 11, 2006
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