Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Point
my journey to
Him
Maanoj Rakhit
©Maanoj Rakhit
Originally written during Aug – Oct 2002
Contact details
Email: maanojrakhit@gmail.com
Mobile: +91 98 69 80 90 12
Website: http://www.maanojrakhit.com
Price Rs 95 or $2 + postage
Printed at
Ideal Press, Shop No. 3, Kadam Chawl, D N Dubey Rd, Ambawadi,
Dahisar E, Mumbai 400068, Mo: 98920-75431 Devendra Warang
1
2009-12-15 This introduction was written over seven years ago and I decided
to leave it as it is. I did not want to make any change because it had been
written in a certain frame of mind which is no more part of me. I have changed
a lot in these seven years. This introduction was then written to describe what
made me come about recording those events that had occurred during one
phase of my life, a phase that I have now left long behind. My current day
writings will have no resemblance to that phase of my life. Those footnotes,
which carry a date stamp like this one, have been inserted now; other
footnotes were part of the original work
2
DM born in Italy, retired professor, linguist, agnostic
3
FY born in Hong Kong, Buddhist monk, computer programmer
4
RS born in Israel, senior government administrator
5
Yagya means: a religious sacrifice. Sacrifice means: making an offering to God.
Through dictionary meanings, we can derive that: Work done in form of Yagya
means: Work done as if it were an offering to the God.
EPILOGUE______________________________________ 83
THE LESSON OF THE LIFE TIME ____________________________ 85
या कुन्दे न्दत
ु ष
ु ारहारधवऱा या शभ्र
ु वस्त्रावत
ृ ा,
या वीणावरदण्डमण्ण्डतकरा या श्वेतऩद्मासना।
या ब्रह्माच्युतशंकरप्रभनृ तभभर् दे वैस्सदावण्न्दता,
सा माम ् ऩातु सरस्वती भगवती ननश्शेषजाड्याऩहा।।
6
Letter ‘a’ in Gamaya is pronounced as ‘u’ in But
7 rd th
BrihadAranyak Upanishad, First Adhyaay 3 Brahmana 28 Mantr
8
Translation Dr. Nandakumara, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, London, UK
9
Different people may understand unreal and real in different ways. I
understand it in the following way:
Please think of a beautiful flower. It is the reality of today. Days later, it will
decay. Then, that will be the reality of that day. Today’s reality is a beautiful
flower. Another day’s reality is a decayed material.
The reality of today does not remain the reality of tomorrow. Such reality is
transitory reality. Permanent reality is that which is real today, real tomorrow,
real day after, and real forever! We are after that reality, not after a
momentary reality.
Happiness of today may not remain the happiness of tomorrow, and therefore,
it is transitory happiness. In our delusion, some seek the true happiness in the
union between man and woman, some seek it in wealth and power, others
seek it in fame and praise, and so the list is unending; but they all are transitory
in nature. Permanent happiness is found by a soul only in union with the
Supreme Soul.
IN QUEST OF TRUTH
My life has been an experiment in search of the Truth.
Therefore, this work is for those who are now in search of the
Truth.
Truth can have different meanings for different people. The
truth I have been after is the truth that can have no two
meanings for two different people.
It is the Eternal truth. Everyone will reach to the same Truth, as
and when s/he reaches it.
That is the Truth of God; God of every being, every animate and
inanimate object; the God from whom this creation evolves and
in whom this universe dissolves.
I have found that truth through BhagavadGita. I shall walk you
through the process that will describe how I have found that
Truth.
There remains the possibility that your life may also change, as
never before, if you happen to absorb the eternal truth
contained in BhagavadGita.
That would, nevertheless, depend upon the level of your
readiness. It is one of the laws of creation that nothing happens
before time. Each of us would assimilate it, at a given point of
time, only to the extent of the preparedness of our individual
soul.
The only way to raise our absorption level is to stay within the
environment of its thought, gradually practice it in our life, and
thus elevate our soul to the desired level.
ABOUT HINDUISM
CENTRAL THEME
10
Vicious Circle (also, Vicious Cycle): a sequence of reciprocal cause and effect
in which two or more elements intensify and aggravate each other, leading
inexorably to a worsening of the situation [Oxford Dictionary].
11
Christianity endorsed the doctrine of Rebirth until 534 years after death of
Christ, and then the Council of Constantinople decreed against it, and the
Church banned it. “If anyone says or thinks that human souls had a previous
existence, anathema sit,” the Council declared.
12
Dr. David Frawley – I want to read a statement, from "The Coming of the
Third Millennium", which was issued very recently by the Pope, in relation to
the situation in Asia: “The Asia Synod will deal with the challenge for
evangelization posed by the encounter with ancient religions such as Buddhism
and Hinduism. While expressing esteem for the elements of truth in these
religions, the Church must make it clear that Christ is the one mediator
between God and man and the sole Redeemer of humanity.”
13
Krishn is a male name. Krishna is a female name; it was the name of Arjun’s
wife Draupadi. If you would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling
Krishn, you are likely to come relatively closer to how it is written and
pronounced in Sanskrit, using its original DevNaagri script. You may, however,
choose to follow the spelling Krishna, and practice its pronunciation with a
wrong accent. The choice would be entirely yours!
MY BACKGROUND
14
Born at Bankura, West Bengal in India on 25 January 1952
Our Present is based on our Past, and crop is only as good as the Seed planted
and Soil provided. Therefore, brief description of earlier generations may be
considered relevant in this context despite the fact they tend to occupy space.
Hope you would appreciate the need for their presence.
I have gathered details regarding earlier generations, that I was not personally
present to witness, from a book that my mother preserved, which was
published long-time ago, by my father’s eldest cousin Vigyaan Shekhar Rakhit
on the subject of our family tree …
Umesh Chandr (b.1814), grandfather of my grandfather, was a very charitable
and holy man. He was literate in Sanskrit and scriptures. He took early
retirement from business, and then he devoted the major part (1857-1908) of
his life entirely in devotion of God. Externally a family man, internally he was
like a Sannyaasi (one who has renounced the worldly ties). People who knew
him, perceived him as a Yogi, who was mad in love with God…
Durga Charan (b.1855), father of my grandfather was a voracious reader,
learned in Sanskrit and English, a frequent traveller, a writer (published 1902,
1904, 1908, and after), and an educator (Durga Charan Rakhit Girls Intermediate
College in Varanasi). Practiced self-restraint from youth, he was indifferent
towards material attractions of life. Last years of his life (1910-38), having
retired from business, he devoted in search of the Self…
Prabodh Chandr, my grandfather was a distinguished physician in his youth;
but I have seen him in his advanced age when he lived a relatively low profile
life. Harsh Gopal, my mother’s father was a prominent surgeon of his time,
very charitable and prosperous
My father was a Gold Medallist Engineer who worked in senior positions, but
lived a low profile life of a very simple man. My mother is a pious and devoted
woman, simple and liked by all, devoid of worldly desires, living a very simple
life
My younger brother, who has a Master’s Degree in Engineering from IIT, works
in a senior position, but like my father lives a low profile simple life
15
I was raised in different States of India: Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan, Madhya
Pradesh, and MahaaRaashtr. Also, I lived briefly in West Bengal, Punjab, and
Haryana.
16
Qualified in Accountancy and Taxation, Corporate Laws and Administration,
Computer Systems and Analysis
17
Detachment towards rewards of the work: It would have been the transitory
stage of Karm Yog in my life, in a very limited way. Karm Yog refers to the path
of Karm (work) without desire for results, which gradually paves the way for
ultimate union with the Supreme Soul
18
Marquis Who’s Who, Macmillan Directory Division, 3002 Glenview Road,
th
Wilmette, Illinois 60091 U.S.A., 8 edition 1987-1988, p.834. Now moved to
121 Chanlon Road, New Providence, NJ 07974, USA
19
Worked in India, the Middle East, Far East, North America
20
Started work in middle management position, soon rising to senior
management cadres
21
Managing functions in various disciplines, a combination of few at a time:
Financial, Cost, and Management Accounting; Treasury functions; Company
Law Matters; Human Resources Development; Materials Management; Sales
Administration; Project Management; General Management and
Administration; Information Technology
22
Starting with an American multinational corporation to a small family-owned
private company (in a much senior position); to an overseas family-owned large
business-house; to a start-up public company; to an overseas Government-
owned business, and back to the same American Multinational I started my
career with (in much senior position now). Again, to overseas start-up but a
vast corporation; back to the same American Multinational-owned another
company; to another private start-up company owned by several overseas
corporations from different continents and saw it growing; to another overseas
start-up small professional company and saw it growing.
23
Pharmaceutical and consumer products manufacturing to laboratory
chemicals manufacturing; to trading business; to agricultural pesticides
manufacturing; to dairy husbandry, industrial agriculture, and horticulture; to
financial products; to pharmaceuticals manufacturing; to paper pulp
manufacturing and forestry operations; to pharmaceutical manufacturing;
CAD/CAM software manufacturing; to accounting firm; to environmental MIS
software manufacturing.
24
Worked in close contact with people from India; Bahrain; Oman, Pakistan,
Nigeria, Kenya, Sudan, Philippine, France, Netherlands; Indonesia, China, New
Zealand; Canada, USA, Britain, Japan, Germany, Korea, and Israel
25
Dr. S. Fort at Sunnybrook Medical Center, University of Toronto, 2075
Bayview Avenue, North York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4N 3M5. It was
during the procedure for Cardiac Catheterization revealing severe blockages, at
four different positions, in varying degrees (100%; 90% & 70%; 50%), to all
three primary blood vessels to heart
26
Quoting Dr. Terrence Kavanagh from his book Take Heart [published by Key
Porter Books, Canada, 1998]: “If the damage is severe, then the heart may stop
beating (‘cardiac arrest’ or ‘ventricular fibrillation’), and the attack is fatal. If
cardiac arrest occurs when the patient is already in hospital, then normal
rhythmic beating may be restored, by applying an external electrical current to
the chest wall. This procedure is known as defibrillation. Obviously, there is a
great advantage to having the patient in the intensive care unit; here the heart
can be monitored continuously, and if cardiac arrest occurs, defibrillation can
be carried out within seconds. Unfortunately, cardiac arrest is most likely in the
first few hours of the attack, when decisions are still being made to call a
doctor or arrange admission to hospital.”
27
Flooding of Love for God – It would have been the transitory phase of Bhakti
Yog in my life, in an intense mode. Bhakti Yog refers to the path of Bhakti
(devotion) which gradually paves the way for ultimate union with the Supreme
31
I collected a copy of the Satya-Naaraayan Pooja procedure and mantr from a
priest of Vishnu Mandir and followed it religiously, and I bought all material
required for Pooja from a shop at Gerrard St. East Market (this market is
popularly known as Little India), which specialized in collection of entire range
of products required for any kind of worship and ritual by Hindus
32
If you would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling Yagya, you are
likely to come relatively closer to how it is written and pronounced in Sanskrit,
using its original Dev-Naagri script. Letter A in Yagya is pronounced as U in But.
G in Yagya is pronounced with a nasal sound. You may, however, choose to
follow spelling Yajna, and practice its pronunciation with a wrong accent. The
choice would be entirely yours. Yajna means Worship, devotion, prayer, and
praise; act of worship or devotion, offering, oblation, sacrifice (the former
meanings prevailing in Ved, the latter in post-Vedic literature) M. Monier-
Williams, A Sanskrit English Dictionary, 1899, 2002, p. 839. In our context, the
post-Vedic meaning is relevant
33
As if the hand of destiny was guiding through the events, unseen by me
34
Havan Kund: Where oblations are offered in the fire; oblations of ghee, the
purified butter.
35
Jaagaran: Whole night hymn of praise spoken to the Divine Mother and Her
invocation - Vishnu Mandir, Lakshmi Naaraayan Mandir, Vaishnodevi Temple
(before this I did not know about Jaagaran, these appeared to be very popular
among our Punjabi community).
36
Yogeeta, 24 September 2002
37
My feelings were poetical at this moment of realization
38
Those who scoff at this idea are trying to convey that God has no ability to
assume a human form for Himself though He might have the ability to create
billions of humans! Such belief is the product of their gross ignorance of God’s
abilities
39
It was registered in my name on 25 January 1999, and I came to live there,
on the same day. It was located at 402–725 Don Mills Road, North York,
Toronto, Ontario, Canada M3C 1S6
40
Chants of India, Ravi Shankar, Angel, 1997
41
Omkaaram Bindusamyuktam nityam dhyaayanti Yoginah
Kaamadam Mokshadam chaiva, Omkaaraaya namo Namah
Meaning: The sacred letter ‘Om’ is associated with the sacred dot – the Bindu.
This ‘Om’ is the bestower of all wishes and is indeed capable of leading one to
freedom from worldly bondage and is meditated upon by Yogis - translation by
Dr. Nandakumara of Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, London, UK
42
Sarveshaam svastir bhavtu, Sarveshaam shaantir bhavtu
Sarveshaam purnam bhavtu, Sarveshaam mangalam bhavtu
Sarve bhavantu sukhinah, Sarve santu niraamayaah
Sarve bhadraani pashyantu, Ma kashchit duhkhbhaag bhavet
Meaning: May good befall all, may there be peace for all, may all be fit for
perfection, and may all experience that which is auspicious. May all be happy,
may all be healthy; may all experience what is good and let no one suffer -
translation by Dr. Nandakumara
43
I started suspecting that probably I was sleeping during that one hour of
recitation. Later I started analyzing the situation. It occurred to me, if I were
sleeping for an hour, I could not be sitting erect, without support, for whole
one hour, with my head and neck remaining straight. I asked myself, as to why I
did not find any change in my posture, when I returned to the consciousness of
my surroundings
I compared it with my numerous experiences of long travel in bus or train
where often I would go into sleep, and invariably after a while, I would get up
with jerk in neck, as my head would drop down during sleep, but it did not
happen because the bus or train would stop with an unexpected jerk. It
happened because, I simply could not keep my head straight while sleeping in a
sitting position, and it had happened for many years
The feeling after regaining consciousness of my surroundings was
extraordinarily different. That kind of serenity and bliss I would have never
known, in my present life, ever before. Whereas, waking up after a nap in the
bus or train had always left me with a peculiarly dried throat and a
discomforted feeling
There was yet another reason for discounting my original suspicion about
sleep. My sleeps were invariably filled with some kind of dream, but I would
have no recollection of anything like a dream, after regaining consciousness of
my surroundings, after that one hour, I spent every evening
44
Three and half years have passed since then. As I now sit down to write these
details, my mind is taken to BhagavadGita chapter 2 Shlok 55 and 58: Shri
Krishn said: “O Arjun! When a person gives up all his desires fully well, and lives
content within him, in such a state he is called Sthit’Pragya (T pronounced as in
French, G with nasal sound. Both A are pronounced as U in But). As tortoise
withdraws his limbs, in that manner, when this person withdraws all his senses
from all sense-objects, then his Buddhi is resolute”.
45
Born in Malaysia, of Chinese origin, an Engineer from Queen’s University in
Canada, and a Graduate in Computer Programming; I do not know of her
present whereabouts as I have lost touch with her.
46
I have lost the address of that Center as my Casio Organizer, in which I used
to keep all details, became dysfunctional soon after my return to India, in May
2000. Since I do not remember the exact name I cannot locate/identify the
address using the Web either.
47
He was white born, taken to Buddhism, and had risen to the level of Head of
that Center; PC respected him very deeply.
48
Shri RaamKrishn (1836–1886) never adopted himself the anglicized spelling
Ramakrishna for his name. If he had himself done it so, we would have
certainly respected his personal wish, and followed that spelling everywhere.
Since it was not by his personal choice, but imposed by others, we can re-
examine it. He was born in undivided Bengal, and Bengalis called him
RaamKrishno. If you would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling
RaamKrishn, you are likely to come closer to how it is written and pronounced
in Sanskrit, using its original DevNaagri script. You may, however, choose to
look at the spelling Ramakrishna, and practice pronouncing it with the wrong
accent. The choice would be entirely yours. I would, nevertheless, want to
remind you that it is not necessary that a wrong practice, howsoever popular,
must be followed, simply because others have done it. Someday, I only hope
that Ramakrishna Mission will find the desire strong enough to restore its true
name RaamKrishn Mission. However, I suspect that, for doing this, they might
need yet another Naren of present generation!
49
My grandmother also had the epic MahaaBhaarat but somehow I did not
develop any interest in it then. BhagavadGita is part of MahaaBhaarat.
50
I do not remember author’s name, he was an American, white, held a PhD,
and happened to be an amateur snowboarder; if that description can help
identify the author.
51
Quoting Aldous Huxley in his Foreword to The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna:
“Never have the casual and unstudied utterances of a great religious teacher
been set down with so minute fidelity”
Mahendr Nath Gupta (1858-1932) was the Principal of VidyaaSaagar High
School at Shyam bazar, Calcutta. He recorded the conversations for his own
reference, which took place in his presence, everyday in his dairy, as it is,
without editing.
Throughout these records, he has kept himself in the background, quite
inconspicuous, without projecting his own personality, or without inducing his
own thoughts, keeping the records in their original form.
Later he published the records of his dairy, in its original form and content,
under the pseudo-name ‘M’, between 1897 and 1932, in five volumes.
52
The due date for return arrived, and no extensions were permissible as there
was a queue of people, who had also put up a request for it. I did not have the
patience to wait for my turn at the end of the queue, and therefore I went to
Vedanta Society of Toronto [Ramakrishna Mission], and bought a copy of it
53
Location of work: Suite 918–555 Richmond Street West, Toronto, Ontario,
Canada M5V 3B1
54
I think now, it would be during April-July 1999 but I could not be very sure
55
Same location of home: 402–725 Don Mill Rd, North York, Canada – this was
during April-July 1999
56
Divine Mother is the personification of the Supreme Soul in Its female aspect
57
Probably, it happens with many. Quoting Romain Rolland in his book The Life
of Ramakrishna [1928] at page 25 “The way of Bhakti was the way the blind
instinct of Ramakrishna had unconsciously adopted from the first. But he knew
nothing of its winding and lurking ambushes.”
58
I had made a copy of that cassette at my work place one evening late after
work, using an old unattended dual cassette tape recorder, lying in the office of
our CEO AM. I remember PC walking to my desk and asking me what was I
doing, and I told her that I was copying the songs of Divine Mother.
I returned the original to the library after making the copy. Sometime later, I
had the desire to borrow the original again. I searched the shelves of the library
thoroughly, consulted the librarian, who checked library catalogue and records,
but could not trace it for me. I wonder now, if the cassette had appeared on
the shelves for me, when I had got it for the first time. God’s ways are
mysterious!
I have the copy, which I had made, till now with me. I wrote the words of those
songs in my own hand while listening to them, and those too are still with me.
59
Signed the two legal documents in presence of Mr. Said Mohammedally,
Barrister, Solicitor & Notary Public, Suite B27–45 Overlea Boulevard, North
York, Toronto, Canada M4H 1C3
60
Sannyaas Yog refers to the path of Sannyaas (mental abandonment of
worldly ties), which gradually paves the way for ultimate union with the
Supreme Soul.
I begged Her to take control of my life, and use it the way She
would want. I would want to feel devoid of any personal desire
or freewill. I would want Her to exercise my freewill on my
behalf. I would not want to have any freewill to myself, by
handing over my total existence to Her. I would not want any of
my egos; all of it dissolved into Her, the Divine Mother.
I would want to see Him as my Master, with complete surrender
of my ego unto Him, the Supreme Soul. He would be my Master
and I would be His servant, entirely dedicated to Him. The state
of my inner feelings in those days is not very easy to describe.
61
Yogeeta, 25 September 2002
62
The Divine Mother, Bhav’Taarini, One who frees us from the bondages of the
mortal world, and whom Shri RaamKrishn worshipped
The Divine Mother would lift the veil occasionally, and I would
be able to see through clearly. I would know why it was all
happening to me. I would have no regrets. I would understand
Her fully and Her ways as well.
I would see that whatever is happening is part of a much larger
script being enacted at the stage of this world, and myself as
only one small part of that script, only an actor enacting my own
role in it.
Then the veil would be dropped before my eyes again, and I
would react to each situation as a person, who sees only that
much, as much is visible. My thoughts, actions, emotions would
be guided by my ego, where I would be employing my free will
the way I would choose.
Again, the veil would be lifted temporarily, and I would see the
futility of my thoughts and actions. I would see clearly that I was
being part of a larger game plan, simply an instrument.
At that time, however, I would not understand that the game
was 'not' drawn at Her whim and fancy. Its seed remained buried
in the actions of my present and my past, and the direction
towards which my future was now taking shape to.
There would be a constant tug-of-war between two opposing
forces: one that would be driven by my ego, which would want
control over my free will; and the other: my surrender of ego to
Her, where I had appealed Her to take control of my life in Her
own hands.
I have been visiting the temples quite frequently, now for about
one and half year, and I had come to know the routes very well. I
remember one specific incidence that I was driving to Oakville
from North York, and through the drive, my mind was flooded
with the thought Ma…Ma…Ma…it was the thought of my Divine
Mother.
My eyes were glued on the highway and the signs of passing
exits, but my mind was flooded with emotions for Mother. I was
driving quite mechanically, more like a machine, on that fast
flow of traffic where I would be on a moderate speed of 110-120
as compared to most others who were passing by quickly ahead
of me. I was in two kinds of consciousness then, with one
managing the traffic, with the other oblivious of the
surroundings diving into the love of my Mother.
I believed that my eyes were glued at the overhead signs of
passing exits, and I was constantly looking for Bronte Exit63. It
63
Or it was Hwy 25 exit, I do not remember well now, though the name Bronte
has stuck in my head
64
Vaishnodevi Temple 3259 Hwy 25 Oakville ON L6J 4Z3 Canada
65
Ramakrishna Mission 120 Emmett Avenue Toronto ON M6M 2E6 Canada
66
On 17 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to SP. I informed him that I
had mentioned his name on this page.
67
Rationalist would want to argue that my mind was not actively present while
I was watching the road signs, and therefore, I missed the appropriate exit.
However, I would not buy that, because it only describes the process, the
mechanism as to how it could have happened, but not something that lay at
the root of it, something more fundamental. Probably Divine Mother was
trying to tell me something that I was not yet able to hear! (continued to next
page)
Let me agree with the rationalistic approach and assume for a moment that my
mind was so very absent that, I missed the exit signs (ignoring for the moment
that I distinctly remember that my eyes were glued to them and were
searching for the specific one). Then I have one question: With such kind of
absence of mind, how did I drive on such high-speed roads, for such long
distances, without a single violation of traffic rules, and without causing a
single accident in the process? There was something more to it, which I could
not see!
68
Late July 2000 at Yogeeta, early August 2000 at Shiv Palm Beach
69
It was about the end of April or beginning of May 2000. At that time they
were living at 58 Davis brook Blvd, Scarborough ON M1T 2J1. Now they have
moved. They did not have any email address, when we met last in May 2000. I
could not mail them a copy of this work, seeking their permission to my making
references to what they had said to me.
70
It was first week of May 2000 at 90 Beckenridge Dr, Markham ON L3S 3B1,
Canada.
71
HD and I came to know each other in February 1998. We became friends
after my cardiac arrest. Our friendship was dissolved sometimes around June-
July 2000. On 17 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to HD. I informed him
the specific page numbers on which I had mentioned him. I sent the mail to his
last known email address, but it returned promptly, undelivered with a
comment: invalid recipient. Possibly, he has changed his email address.
72
FY is a Buddhist Monk, and my classmate at The Institute for Computer
Studies, 155 Gordon Baker Road, Suite 402, North York, Toronto, Ontario M2H
3N5 Canada
73
It was during first week of May 2000 at 402-725 Don Mill Rd condominium
74
On 17 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to FY. I informed him the
specific page numbers on which I had mentioned him.
75
Finally, I was admitted to the Intensive Cardiac Care Unit at Harish Hospital,
Nerul, New Bombay on 24 August 2000
I was at pain seeing that people do not realize that they all are
travelers, and this world is just another station. That: they have
made this station as their true home, having lost the knowledge
of their true origin and ultimate destination.
I was at pain seeing them under mistaken belief, that it is they,
who create what is around them, not realizing that they are only
trying to replicate what He has already created around them.
I felt helpless seeing men, intoxicated by their quest for
technological advances, marching towards that which takes
them farther from Him, who has created us all.
76
This was all happening around middle to end of the year 2000 when I
alternately lived in Bombay and New Bombay
77
It was probably early June of 2000
78
Having returned to the full awareness of material world, now, I have lost that
purity of thoughts and emotions. Now, black appears black, and white appears
white. When bad influences my life, now, I feel disturbed. I did not understand
then why He robbed me of that state. I realize now that the task I have ahead
of me could not have been accomplished in that state of mind.
79
The period has faded away from my memory, and I can only correlate it with
the place I was living then, that is, O-9 & O-10 Nensey Complex, Western
Express Highway, Borivali East, Bombay 400066
For many years I held the unshakable faith that He who waters
the plants, He who feeds the birds, He would take care of my
needs. My faith was blind and He had protected it all along.
By now, good amount of money had come to me in form of large
number of stocks in one corporation in which I had once held a
very senior position.
I felt, by bringing money to me, Bhav’Taarini, the Divine Mother
was probably trying to bind me again. My hands were restless;
they would not want to retain money. I started looking for
avenues to spend it away. I sent large amounts of money to
charitable organizations to feed people; and to send books81 to
public libraries and University libraries in Canada and USA, and
to friends in India and overseas. Like this, I kept finding use for
money.
I compassionately extended loans to those who would give me
an appealing story, without having true intention to return the
money. In those days, I felt it was His82 money, me as the
custodian, only to distribute it freely.
80
Living through worldly experiences, and re-living through spiritual
experiences
81
Books published by Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta; The Ramakrishna Math,
Chennai; Voice of India, New Delhi
82
I remember of few incidences when I said to others that it was Thaakur‘s
money. Devotees called Shri RaamKrishn ParamHans Dev as Thaakur. In those
days, I perceived him as an Avataar of Shri Naaraayan, as the legends say.
83
It was about early 2001 at Shiv Palm Beach, Nerul, New Bombay
84
It was about early 2001 at Shiv Palm Beach, Nerul, New Bombay
85
While typing these lines, I called Rhythm House and I was told that they had
none left to sell. I realize now that I was led to that box of audiotapes with a
definite purpose, not known to me then!
86
Gyaan Yog refers to the path of Gyaan (knowledge of the Self and of the
Supreme Soul), which gradually paves the way for ultimate union with the
Supreme Soul.
87
It was about mid-2001 at B11/1:3 Shiv Palm Beach, Nerul
88
It was about Sept-Oct 2001 at 20 Yogeeta, Borivali
89
We need the waking day to interact with the outside world. We all sleep in
the night because normal business closes then. My interaction with the outside
world is through this work on BhagavadGita. I do it in the cool, calm, and peace
of the night.
90
This was between December 1999 to June 2002
91
Three years ago I had read something about it in The Gospel of Sri
Ramakrishna, but the specifics had not registered on my mind, probably
because, I had considered it something of a very distant object, only relevant
for someone like Shri RaamKrishn Paramhans Dev, who was an Avataar in my
perception.
Something that I would perceive as not relevant for a common person like me, I
would simply ignore. The only thing that I vaguely remembered, in relation to
Nirvikalp Samaadhi, was about an experience of Swami Vivekananda, where he
felt something like missing his body, or such. The only impression I carried with
that vague memory, was that it sounded too odd to me, and probably,
therefore, it stuck in my head for its oddness.
A year ago, I would have again read about it somewhere in Romain Rolland’s
Life of Ramakrishna, but I was more impressed with his beautiful language
throughout the book, and the fact that someone of his eminence was writing
so highly about my Master, and even then I did not even think of relating it to
my experiences.
92
I could not do it then, therefore, doing it now
93
BhagavadGita, in its original Sanskrit script, refers to Brahm, and therefore, I
shall use everywhere Brahm, not Brahman
94
On the invitation of Marwari devotees for celebrating Ann’Koot festival,
where a vast quantity of cooked food is offered to the Deity and later
distributed among the devotees and the poor
95
The Supreme Soul is the permanent reality. All else are transitory, not eternal
reality
96
Continuously it happened every evening, about the same place, during the
chants:
Omkaaram Bindusamyuktam nityam dhyaayanti Yoginah,
Kaamadam Mokshadam chaiva, Omkaaraaya namo Namah
Meaning: The sacred letter ‘Om’ is associated with the sacred dot – the Bindu.
This ‘Om’ is the bestower of all wishes, and is indeed capable of leading one to
freedom from worldly bondage and is meditated upon by Yogis.
Now that I look at this meaning carefully, I am struck by the amazing relevance
of it!
97
I had heard of that term, and had some vague impression, that it was some
kind of a specialized mental activity, for which you would need a teacher, a
guide, a Guru.
98
I do not use the words ‘in this manner’ in relation to the precise steps
involved in the events of my life; I mean globally ‘in this manner’; particulars of
the steps involved in each individual’s life can very well be different because no
two individuals are identical in every possible manner
99
I learnt the object of my Present Journey on 1 November 2001 which I will
narrate later in this work (additional note dated 2009-12-16 not in this work,
but elsewhere, in Gita Today – Rise against Adharm)
100
BhagavadGita Chapter 6 Shlok 38, 40, 43, 44, and 45
I would feel this body like a cage. The soul in the body, like the
bird in the cage, would flutter for its freedom. But no matter,
howsoever, it may try it remains trapped in the cage!
I would visualize101, me riding a horse, racing with the speed of
the wind, running alongside the train, trying to leave it behind,
thoughts racing through my mind: I am coming, I am coming! At
the end of the horizon, He is waiting for me, my eternal Father,
my eternal Mother, my eternal Friend, my Origin, my End! The
train running at a set speed was like the life itself, and me trying
to beat it, and reach Him!
Lying in the bed, in the middle of the night I would ask Him,
Where did I lose You? Let me lose anything but not You, this
time! A drop of tear would roll down my eyes.
Pain of losing everything else would be on one side, and the pain
of losing Him would be on the other side; and, I would not want
to trade Him for anything. One lifetime I wasted in desire of
these worldly attractions, only to learn how futile they are in
comparison to the beauty of His love!
101
Yogeeta, 16 September 2002, little before dawn
102
Esoteric = Intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of
people with specialized knowledge or interest.
I was lying down, when on my thoughts, surfaced the term ‘deep esoteric
knowledge’. I was up, looked in the dictionary, and found it befitting; so, I
added it here.
The knowledge of BhagavadGita is intended for those souls who have attained
a certain level in their evolution and is likely to be absorbed by only a small
number of people with specialized interest. Most souls will ignore its
knowledge even if it is served on a silver platter!
Why go far, millions of Hindus keep BhagavadGita in their home, in the place of
worship with great reverence, but how many have read it, leave aside trying to
understand it? I, myself, had it at my home for many years but never looked in
it, until the time came and it led me to it by itself!
The interesting part is that I do not remember having ever before used in my
writings or in my speech the word ‘esoteric’ or having ever before looked at its
meaning in a dictionary. I may probably have read it somewhere in distant past
and assumed some meaning for that, in the given context, but I could not be
sure about this. How then, did the word surface on my mind at a place
appropriate?
This was just an example. I have noticed many times that concepts, phrases,
explanations, etc float on my mental plane, from where I do not know. It is
Him, who prompts me from behind the curtain
103
Shri Siddhi Vinaayak is another name of Lord Ganesh, who is known as the
God of knowledge. Ved Vyaas narrated and Shri Ganesh penned the epic
MahaaBhaarat, which contains BhagavadGita
104
Shri Naaraayan is the personification of the Supreme Soul. Naaraayan
means goal of every individual soul. Shri Krishn is His Avataar, who delivered
the message of BhagavadGita to Arjun at KuruKshetr
105
Here again the word used, as written in original Sanskrit script, is Brahm, not
Brahman (Supreme Soul, impersonal God)
106
Shlok translated from Sanskrit to English by Dr. Nandakumara of Bharatiya Vidya
Bhavan, London, UK for Chants of India of Ravi Shankar and George Harrison.
107
Brahmaa: Brahm, as the Creator.
108
Vishnu: Brahm, as the Preserver.
109
Maheshwar: Brahm, as the annihilator, the one who triggers the dissolution
of the creation process, only to pave the way for yet another new creation!
110
Brahm, as impersonal God, the Supreme Spirit
111
Shri RaamKrishn Paramhans Dev used to say: Satchidaanand is the Guru!
[Sat-Chit-Aanand = Existence-Knowledge-Bliss, the Absolute, Brahm]
It was in August 1996 that I met SH. As I entered her office113 and
sat down before her, she said that you have a spiritual aura
around you.
Shortly thereafter, between August and November 1996, I called
PK and spoke to him on phone for enquiring something. Soon
after he called back and said he wanted to meet me, if possible
now114. He also said on the phone that he sensed a spiritual aura
about me, and he said it again when I met him at his place same
afternoon115.
I filed both incidences in my mind, as rather odd occurrences,
but did not attach much significance to them because I did not
fully understand the implications. Looking back I realize that
those were the days when I was getting back to God.
In the mornings, as I would leave my house, I would be caught by
the stunning beauty of the Nature and remember God’s
presence all around! I still remember it vividly, and I had written
about it to my mother in India116.
112
Oxford Dictionary, 1998, 2001, p.111. Aura: a supposed emanation
surrounding the body of a living creature, which is allegedly visible to some…
113
It was at her office, situated at Kennedy in North York
114
I asked him, how he got my number, to which he said that it was displayed
on his phone. I had not yet seen a phone with visual display.
115
It was at 964 Albion Road, Toronto ON M9V 1A7
116
It was about November/December 1996 when I was living at 915–7 Crescent
Place, Etobicoke, Toronto, Canada
117
In front of Honeywell’s at Victoria Park, North York, Toronto
118
The walk from Softkey’s TaxPrep, 2700 Matheson Blvd East, Mississauga ON
L4W 4V9 to the first TTC bus stop, in the beautiful Canadian summer
119
It was 12 July 2002 at Via Felisati 4, 30171–Venezia Mestre, Italia
120
DM is no superstitious person. Being agnostic, she is likely to be more
sceptical than any average believer. She is the retired professor of literature, a
linguist, and a widely read person of sharp intellect, as I came to know her.
She was born as a Catholic, later turned an agnostic, now developing keen
interest in BhagavadGita. Though, my stay was brief, few of her questions and
suggestions inspired me significantly, and their effect is bound to reflect in my
future work.
On 13 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to DM. I informed the page
numbers of this work where I had mentioned her. On 14 October 2002, she
confirmed all details, without any change.
121
Oxford Dictionary, 1998, 2001, p.111. Aura: a supposed emanation
surrounding the body of a living creature, which is allegedly visible to some…
122
When I write this, in my mind there is no difference between Him and Her, I
use them quite interchangeably, as God in any aspect is only God to me, my
address to Him/Her is immaterial
123
It was 1 November 2001, 10 PM at 2015–25 Mabelle Avenue, Etobicoke,
Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M9A 4Y1
124
Om namo Naaraayanaay – Jurisdiction of Maya – here we live
125
Om namo Naaraayanaay – Bondage of Karm – here we use our free will
126
Epilogue – Mechanisms of Cosmic Management (2002)
2009-12-11 IST 0429 at that time I had planned to complete the chapter on
Mechanisms of Cosmic Management as Epilogue to this work; for reasons no
more I remember now it wasn’t done; and, after passage of so many years I
have lost that knowledge the vision of which I had acquired one evening during
meditation at 402–725 Don Mills Road, North York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
M3C 1S6; for, now I am a changed man; so much water has flown...and washed
away all that...why that happened, see Epilogue, and you will understand...so
much was documented but this one was left over...for TIME hadn’t yet come in
the scheme of His designs for that part to be documented
127
2009-12-11 IST 0502 It has come as a flash and had disappeared almost
immediately. The impression had remained fresh in my memory for quite some
time but now with passage of time and with very substantial change in my
person that impression too has become vague.
128
It was Saturday 10 November 2001 at 25 Mabelle Avenue, Etobicoke, ON
129
It helps, but it does not conclusively determine that.
130
Letter ‘a’ in Gamaya is pronounced as ‘u’ in But.
131 rd th
BrihadAranyak Upanishad First Adhyaay 3 Brahmana 28 Mantr
Lot has not been said above – left to be told at some later date
when the TIME arrives.
Time changes and so does the environment. Perspectives
change. Call of Time gets redefined. Rising to the Occasion
becomes the Touchstone of Time.
And that was to be reflected in my writings to come, where
writings would be the vehicle to reach the people, and the Time
for other Action would patiently wait for its turn.
It has been more than seven years when all this was written and
Moksh was the only thing on my mind. I did not, but He knew of
the path He would be leading me towards, in due course of time.
He also knew that my priorities would change drastically with
time, so much so that I would hardly bother to remember what
all I had once passed through, leave aside remembering minute
details thereof (ex: addresses, dates, names, sequence of events,
state of mind, etc). Not only this, He also knew that I had no
inclination whatsoever to document132 those experiences. But
132
2009-12-10 For a normal person it would be very difficult to understand why
I would not want to make them public. To understand that one has to first
transport him (self) to that state of mind and heart in which I was then. And
you know it well that it would not be possible for you to do so, on the fly.
Therefore, I have to resort to logical explanation to make you understand that.
In that state of mind where I sought nothing but dissolution within Him, that is,
in effect, lose my existence and become one with Him; in that scenario how
could I be left with any desire to place on record what all were my experiences.
Think of it this way: when this mortal world itself had become redundant for
me why would I want to leave any footprints behind?
This entire thing is a deep subject. I have gone into depth describing it in
various ways in my other work “Om namo Naaraayanaay”
133
2009-12-10 Which I did not understand then but I do now
134
2009-12-10 He only made DM find me. For I knew her not; nor were there
any common friend who could have introduced both of us; His ways are
unique, so are His scheme of designs.
135
2009-12-11 IST 0557 Those who quote Shri RaamKrishn ParamHans Dev or
Sri Ramana Maharshi fail to realize that such statement (if they made) was the
result of a specific state of mind and heart, and it would be applicable only to
those who live in that state of mind and heart. It would be foolish to apply this
to people who do not even know (cannot even fathom) what kind of state of
mind and heart that could be. Therefore, something stated (if it was) wasn’t
meant for quoting out of context and thereby misguiding the rest of the world
which today’s god men are doing for they themselves haven’t been to that
state. Most of these god men possess second-hand knowledge acquired from
books and other people of prominence. The concept of “Parrot Humanoids” (as
I call it) applies to them and to their followers very well.
136
Today many of them become god men by reading books and scriptures
137
2009-12-10 IST 23:25 We humans are responsible for bringing it to this stage
– read “Vidhata” in “Om namo Naaraayanaay” to understand the concept
138
Om namo Naaraayanaay – analogy of the amusement park
ORDERING PROCESS