Gadsby

Gadsby: a story of over 50,000 words without using the letter "E"
by Ernest Vincent Wright
Introduction by the Author:
!E E"I#E $A"%&'#I( of this story was written with the E ty)e*bar of the
ty)ewriter tied down+ thus ,a-ing it i,)ossible for that letter to be )rinted. his was
done so that none of that vowel ,ight sli) in, accidentally+ and ,any did try to do so/
here is a great deal of infor,ation as to what 0outh can do, if given a chance+ and,
though it starts out in so,ewhat of an i,)ersonal vein, there is )lenty of thrill, rollic-ing
co,edy, love, courtshi), ,arriage, )atriotis,, sudden tragedy, a deter,ined stand against
li1uor, and so,e a,using )olitical as)irations in a s,all growing town.
In writing such a story, 2)ur)osely avoiding all words containing the vowel E, there are a
great ,any difficulties. he greatest of these is ,et in the )ast tense of verbs, al,ost all of
which end with 3*ed.4 herefore substitutes ,ust be found+ and they are very few. his
will cause, at ti,es, a so,ewhat ,onotonous use of such words as 3said+4 for neither
3re)lied,4 3answered4 nor 3as-ed4 can be used. Another difficulty co,es with the
eli,ination of the co,,on cou)let 3of course,4 and its very co,,on connective,
3conse1uently+4 which will unavoidably cause 3bu,)y s)ots.4 he nu,erals also cause
)lenty of trouble, for none between si5 and thirty are available. When introducing young
ladies into the story, this is a real barrier+ for what young wo,an wants to have it -nown
that she is over thirty6 And this restriction on nu,bers, of course taboos all ,ention of
dates.
$any abbreviations also ,ust be avoided+ the ,ost co,,on of all, 3$r.4 and 3$rs.4
being )articularly troubleso,e+ for those words, if read aloud, )lainly indicate the E in
their orthogra)hy.
As the vowel E is used ,ore than five ti,es oftener than any other letter, this story was
written, not through any atte,)t to attain literary ,erit, but due to a so,ewhat bal-y
nature, caused by hearing it so constantly clai,ed that 3it can7t be done+ for you cannot
say anything at all without using E, and ,a-e s,ooth continuity, with )erfectly
gra,,atical construction24 so 8twas said.
$any ,ay thin- that I si,)ly 3dro)4 the E7s, filling the ga)s with a)ostro)hes. A )erusal
of the boo- will show that this is not so. All words used are co,)lete+ are correctly s)elled
and )ro)erly used. his has been acco,)lished through the use of synony,s+ and, by so
twisting a sentence around as to avoid a,biguity. he boo- ,ay )rove a valuable aid to
school children in English co,)osition.
(eo)le, as a rule, will not sto) to reali9e what a tas- such an atte,)t actually is. As I wrote
along, in long*hand at first, a whole ar,y of little E7s gathered around ,y des-, all eagerly
e5)ecting to be called u)on. :ut gradually as they saw ,e writing on and on, without
even noticing the,, they grew uneasy+ and, with e5cited whis)erings a,ongst the,selves,
began ho))ing u) and riding on ,y )en, loo-ing down constantly for a chance to dro) off
into so,e word+ for all the world li-e sea*birds )erched, watching for a )assing fish/ :ut
when they saw that I had covered ;<= )ages of ty)ewriter si9e )a)er, they slid off onto the
floor, wal-ing sadly away, ar, in ar,+ but shouting bac-:
30ou certainly ,ust have a hodge*)odge of a yarn there without %s/ Why, ,an/ We are in
every story ever written, hundreds of thousands of ti,es/ his is the first ti,e we ever
were shut out/4
(ronouns also caused trouble+ for such words as he, she, they, the,, theirs, her, herself,
,yself, hi,self, yourself, etc., could not be utili9ed. :ut a )articularly annoying obstacle
co,es when, al,ost through a long )aragra)h you can find no words with which to
continue that line of thought+ hence, as in &olitaire, you are 3stuc-,4 and ,ust go way bac-
and start another+ which, of course, ,ust )erfectly fit the )receding conte5t.
I have received so,e e5tre,ely odd criticis,s since the Associated (ress widely
announced that such a boo- was being written. A ra)id*tal-ing "ew 0or- news)a)er
colu,nist wanted to -now how I would get over the )lain fact that ,y na,e contains the
letter E three ti,es. As an author7s na,e is not a )art of his story, that criticis, did not
hold water. And I received one ,ost scathing e)istle fro, a lady >wo,an/? denouncing ,e
as a 3genuine fa-e+4 >that )arado5 being a ,ost interesting one/?, and ending by saying: 2
3Everyone -nows that such a feat is i,)ossible.4 All right. hen the i,)ossible has been
acco,)lished+ >a )arado5 to e1ual hers/? @ther criticis, ,ay be directed at the
Introduction+ but this section of a story also is not )art of it. he author is entitled to it, in
order )ro)erly to e5)lain his wor-. he story re1uired five and a half ,onths of
concentrated endeavor, with so ,any erasures and retrench,ents that I tre,ble as I thin-
of the,. @f course anybody can write such a story. All that is needed is a )iece of string
tied fro, the E ty)e*bar down to so,e )art of the base of the ty)ewriter. hen si,)ly go
ahead and ty)e your story. Incidentally, you should have so,e sort of a bro,ide
)re)aration handy, for use when the going gets rough, as it ,ost assuredly will/
:efore the boo- was in )rint, I was freely and o)enly infor,ed 3there is a tric-, or catch,
so,ewhere in that clai, that there is not one letter E in the entire boo-, after you leave the
Introduction,4 Well+ it is the )rivilege of the reader to unearth any such dece)tion that he
or she ,ay thin- they can find. I have even ordered the )rinter not to head each cha)ter
with the words 3'ha)ter A,4 etc., on account of that botherso,e E in that word.
In closing let ,e say that I trust you ,ay learn to love all the young fol-s in the story, as
dee)ly as I have, in introducing the, to you. Bi-e ,any a boo-, it grows ,ore and ,ore
interesting as the reader beco,es well ac1uainted with the characters.
Ernest Vincent Wright
Bos Angeles, 'alifornia
Cebruary, ;D<D
A wor- of writing that deliberately e5cludes )articular letters is called a li)ogra,.
I Eo Fuly ;D0GH
If youth, throughout all history, had had a cha,)ion to stand u) for it+ to show a doubting
world that a child can thin-+ and, )ossibly, do it )ractically+ you wouldn7t constantly run
across fol-s today who clai, that 3a child don7t -now anything.4 A child7s brain starts
functioning at birth+ and has, a,ongst its ,any infant convolutions, thousands of dor,ant
ato,s, into which God has )ut a ,ystic )ossibility for noticing an adult7s act, and figuring
out its )ur)ort.
%) to about its )ri,ary school days a child thin-s, naturally, only of )lay. :ut ,any a
for, of )lay contains disci)linary factors. 30ou can7t do this,4 or 3that )uts you out,4
shows a child that it ,ust thin-, )ractically or fail. "ow, if, throughout childhood, a brain
has no o))osition, it is )lain that it will attain a )osition of 3status 1uo,4 as with our
ordinary ani,als. $an -nows not why a cow, dog or lion was not born with a brain on a
)ar with ours+ why such ani,als cannot add, subtract, or obtain fro, boo-s and
schooling, that )ara,ount )osition which $an holds today.
:ut a hu,an brain is not in that class. 'onstantly throbbing and )ulsating, it ra)idly
for,s o)inions+ attaining an ability of its own+ a fact which is startlingly shown by an
occasional child 3)rodigy4 in ,usic or school wor-. And as, with our du,b ani,als, a
child7s inability convincingly to i,)art its thoughts to us, should not class it as ignorant.
%)on this basis I a, going to show you how a bunch of bright young fol-s did find a
cha,)ion+ a ,an with boys and girls of his own+ a ,an of so do,inating and ha))y
individuality that 0outh is drawn to hi, as is a fly to a sugar bowl. It is a story about a
s,all town. It is not a gossi)y yarn+ nor is it a dry, ,onotonous account, full of such
custo,ary 3fill*ins4 as 3ro,antic ,oonlight casting ,ur-y shadows down a long,
winding country road.4 "or will it say anything about tin-lings lulling distant folds+
robins carolling at twilight, nor any 3war, glow of la,)light4 fro, a cabin window. "o.
It is an account of u)*and*doing activity+ a vivid )ortrayal of 0outh as it is today+ and a
)ractical discarding of that worn*out notion that 3a child don7t -now anything.4
"ow, any author, fro, history7s dawn, always had that ,ost i,)ortant aid to writing: an
ability to call u)on any word in his dictionary in building u) his story. hat is, our strict
laws as to word construction did not bloc- his )ath. :ut in ,y story that ,ighty
obstruction will constantly stand in ,y )ath+ for ,any an i,)ortant, co,,on word I
cannot ado)t, owing to its orthogra)hy.
I shall act as a sort of historian for this s,all town+ associating with its inhabitants, and
striving to ac1uaint you with its youths, in such a way that you can loo-, -nowingly, u)on
any child, rich or )oor+ forward or 3bac-ward+4 your own, or Fohn &,ith7s, in your
co,,unity. 0ou will find ,any young ,inds as)iring to -now how, and why such a thing
is so. And, if a child shows curiosity in that way, how ridiculous it is for you to sna) out:2
3@h/ Ion7t as- about things too old for you/4
&uch a Jolt to a young child7s ,ind, craving instruction, is a)t so to dull its avidity, as to
hold it bac- in its school wor-. ry to loo- u)on a child as a s,all, soft young body and a
ra)idly growing, constantly in1uiring brain. It ,ust grow to ,aturity slowly. Corcing a
child through school by constant night study during hours in which it should run and
)lay, can bring on inso,nia+ handica))ing both brain and body.
"ow this s,all town in our story had grown in Just that way:2 slowly+ in fact, ,uch too
slowly to stand on a )ar with ,any a thousand of its -ind in this big, vigorous nation of
ours. It was si,)ly stagnating+ Just as a s,all ,ountain broo-, co,ing to a hollow, ,ight
sto), and sin- fro, sight, through not having a will to find a way through that
obstruction+ or around it. 0ou will run across such a dor,ant town, occasionally+ )ossibly
so dor,ant that only outright isolation by a fast*,oving world, will show it its folly. If you
will tour Asia, 0ucatan, or )arts of Africa and Italy, you will find ,any sad ruins of )ast
-ingdo,s. Go to Indo*'hina and visit its gigantic An-hor Vat+ call at Ia,ascus, :aghdad
and &a,ar-and. What sorrowful lac- of a,bition ,any such a co,,unity shows in thus
discarding such high*class construction/ And I say, again, that so will 0outh grow
dor,ant, and hold this big, throbbing world bac-, if no cha,)ion bac-s it u)+ thus
)roviding it with an o))ortunity to show its ability for loo-ing forward, and i,)roving
unsatisfactory conditions.
&o this s,all town of :ranton !ills was la9ily snoo9ing a,idst u)*and*doing towns, as
0outh7s 'ha,)ion, Fohn Gadsby, too- hold of it+ and shoo- its dawdling, flabby body until
its inhabitants thought a tornado had struc- it. 'all it tornado, volcano, ,ilitary onslaught,
or what you will, this town found that it had a bunch of -ids who had wills that would
ad,it of no snoo9ing+ for that is 0outh, on its forward ,arch of in1uiry, thought and
action.
If you sto) to thin- of it, you will find that it is custo,ary for our 3grown*u)4 brain to cast
off ,any of its functions of its youth+ and to thin- only of what it calls 3to)ics of ,aturity.4
A,ongst such discards is ,any a for, of ha))y )lay+ ,any a ,uscular activity such as
wal-ing, running, cli,bing+ thus totally ,issing that alluring 3Joy of living4 of childhood.
If you wish a vacation fro, financial affairs, Just go out and )lay with 0outh. (lay 3blind*
,an7s buff,4 3ho)*scotch,4 3ring toss,4 and football. Go out to a char,ing woodland s)ot
on a )icnic with a bright, ha))y, vivacious grou). &it down at a corn roast+ a ,arsh,allow
toast+ Join in singing )o)ular songs+ drin- a 1uart of good, rich ,il-+ burrow into that big
lunch bo5+ and all such things as ban-s, stoc-s, and fa,ily bills, will vanish on fairy wings,
into oblivion.
:ut this is not a clai, that $an should stay always youthful. &u))osing that that fa,ous
&)aniard, landing u)on Clorida7s coral strands, had found that ,ythical Countain of
0outh+ what a cala,ity for ,an-ind/ A world without ,aturity of thought+ without ,an7s
full*grown ,uscular ability to construct ,ighty buildings, railroads and shi)s+ a world
without authors, doctors, savants, ,usicians+ nothing but 0outh/ I can thin- of but a
solitary a))roval of such a condition+ for such a horror as war would not, 2could not
occur+ for a child is, naturally, a s,all bunch of sy,)athy. I -now that boys will 3scra)+4
also that 3s)ats4 will occur a,ongst girls+ but, at such a ,onstrosity as -illings by
bo,bing towns, sin-ing shi)s, or ,ass annihilation of ,arching troo)s, childhood would
stand aghast. "ot a tiny bird would fall+ nor would any for, of gun nor facility for
,anufacturing it, insult that al,ost !oly )urity of youthful thought. Anybody who
-nows that wrac-ing sorrow brought u)on a child by a dying )u))y or cat, -nows that
childhood can show us that our fighting, our )olicy of 3a tooth for a tooth,4 is abo,inably
wrong.
&o, now to start our story.
:ranton !ills was a s,all town in a rich agricultural district+ and having ,any a
)ossibility for growth. :ut, through a sort of s,ug satisfaction with conditions of long ago,
had no thought of i,)roving such i,)ortant adJuncts as roads+ )utting u) )ublic
buildings, nor laying out )ar-s+ in fact a dor,ant, slowly dying co,,unity. &o
satisfactory was its status that it had no for, of trans)ortation to surrounding towns but
by railroad, or 3old Iobbin.4 "ow, any town thus isolating its inhabitants, will invariably
find this big, busy world )assing it by+ glancing at it, curiously, as at an odd ani,al at a
circus+ and, you will find, caring not a whit about its condition. "aturally, a town should
grow. 0ou can loo- u)on it as a child+ which, through natural conditions, should attain
,anhood+ and add to its surrounding thriving districts its )roducts of far,, sho), or
factory. It should show a s)irit of association with surrounding towns+ crawl out of its lair,
and find how bac-ward it is.
"ow, in all such towns, you will find, occasionally, an individual born with that sort of
brain which, -nowing that his town is bac-ward, longs to start things toward i,)roving
it+ not only its living conditions, but adding an institution or two, such as any city, big or
s,all, ,aintains, gratis, for its inhabitants. :ut so forward loo-ing a ,an finds that trying
to instill any such notions into a town7s ruling body is about as satisfactory as butting
against a bric- wall. &uch 3:oards4 as you find ruling ,any a s,all town, function fro,
such a so)orific rut that any hint of digging cash fro, its cast iron strong bo5 with its big
brass )adloc-, will fall u)on ,inds as rigid as roc-.
:ranton !ills had such a ,an, to who, such rigidity was as annoying as a thorn in his
foot. 'ontinuous trials brought only continual thorn)ric-s+ until, finally, a brilliant )lan
too- for, as Fohn Gadsby found :ranton !ills7 !igh &chool )u)ils wa-ing u) to :ranton
!ills7 sloth. Gadsby continually found this bright young bunch as-ing:2 3Aw/ Why is this
town so slow6 It7s nothing but a dry twig//4
3!a/4 said Gadsby+ 3A dry twig/ hat7s it/ $any a living, blosso,ing branch all around us,
and this solitary dry twig, with a tag hanging fro, it, on which you will find: 8:ranton
!ills+ A twig too la9y to grow/74
"ow this )ut a 3hunch4 in Gadsby7s brain, causing hi, to say: 3A !igh &chool )u)il is not
a child, now. "aturally a !igh &chool boy has not a ,an7s 1ualifications+ nor has a !igh
&chool girl wo,anly ,aturity. :ut such -ids, born in this swiftly ,oving day, thin- out
,any a notion which will wor-, but which would )ass our dads and granddads in cold
disdain. Fust as shi)s )ass at night. :ut su))osing that such shi)s should show a light in
)assing+ or blow a horn+ or, if2if2if2 :y Golly/ I7ll do it/4
And so Gadsby sat on his blosso,*bound )orch on a ,ild &)ring ,orning, thin-ing and
s,o-ing. &,o-ing can cal, a ,an down+ and his thoughts had so long and so constantly
clung to this )lan of his that a cool outloo- as to its )ro,ulgation was not only i,)ortant,
but )ara,ount. &o, as his cigar was whirling and )uffing rings aloft+ and as grou)s of
bright, ha))y boys and girls trod )ast, to school, his )lan ra)idly too- for, as follows:2
30outh/ What is it6 &i,)ly a start. A start of what6 Why, of that ,ost astounding of all
hu,an functions+ thought. :ut ,an didn7t start his brain wor-ing. "o. All that an adult
can clai, is a continuation, or an a,)lification of thoughts, dor,ant in his youth.
Although a child7s brain can absorb instruction with an ability far sur)assing that of a
grown ,an+ and, although such a young brain is bound by rigid li,its, it contains a
ca)acity for constantly craving additional facts. &o, in our bac-ward :ranton !ills, I Just
-now that I can find boys and girls who can show our old ,oss*bac- own !all big*wigs
a thing or two. Why/ @n own !all night, Just go and sit in that roo, and find out Just
how stu)id and stubborn a 'ouncil, >)ut into own !all, you -now, through )o)ular
ballot/?, can act. &ay that a road is badly worn. &hall it stay so6 %) Ju,)s @ld :ill &i,)-ins
clai,ing that it is a towns,an7s duty to fi5 u) his wagon s)rings if that road is too rough
for hi,/4
As Gadsby sat thin-ing thus, his )lan was ra)idly growing: and, in a ,onth, was actually
starting to wor-. !ow6 0ou7ll -now shortly+ but first, you should -now this Fohn Gadsby+
a ,an of 3around fifty+4 a fa,ily ,an, and -nown throughout :ranton !ills for his high
standard of honor and altruis, on any -ind of an occasion for )ublic good. A loyal
church,an, Gadsby was a ,an who, though ad,itting that an occasional fault in our
daily acts is bound to occur, had taught his two boys and a )air of girls that, though fol-s
do sli) fro, what &cri)tural authors call that 3straight and narrow )ath,4 it will not )ay to
ris- your own &oul by sli))ing, Just so that you can laugh at your ability in staying out of
)rison+ for Gadsby, having grown u) in :ranton !ills, could )oint to ,any such ,an or
wo,an. &o, with such fir, convictions in his ,ind, this u)standing ,an was constantly
striving so to act that no co,)laint fro, ,an, wo,an or child should bring a word of
disa))roval. In his ,ind, what a ,an ,ight do was that ,an7s affair only and could stain
no &oul but his own. And his altruis, taught that it is not difficult to find ,any ways in
which to bring Joy to such as cannot, through )hysical disability, go out to loo- for it+ and
that only a s,all bit of Joy, brought to a shut*in invalid will carry with it such a war,th as
can flow only fro, acts of hu,an sy,)athy.
Cor ,any days Gadsby had thought of ways in which fol-s with a goodly ban- account
could aid in building u) this ra)idly bac-sliding town of contribution could do6 In this
town, full of ca)italists and )hilanthro)ists contributing, off and on, for shi))ing war,ing
)ans to Kulus, Gadsby saw a solution. In who,6 Why, in Just that bunch of bright, ha))y
school -ids, bac- fro, ,any a visit to a city, and noting its ability in i,)roving its living
conditions. &o Gadsby thought of thus carrying an in-ling to such ca)italists as to how this
stagnating town could clai, a big s)ot u)on our national ,a), which is now shown only
in s,all, insignificant )rint.
As a start, :ranton !ills7 3Iaily (ost4 would carry a long story, outlining a list of factors
for i,)roving conditions. his it did+ but it will always stay as a blot u)on high ,inds and
)roud blood that not a ,an or wo,an a,ongst such ca)italists saw, in his )lan, any call
for dor,ant funds. :ut did that sto) Gadsby6 'an you sto) a rising wind6 !ardly. &o
Gadsby too- into council about forty boys of his vicinity and built u) an @rgani9ation of
0outh. Also about as ,any girls who had -nown what it is, co,)ulsorily to )ass u) ,any
a )icnic, or various for,s of s)ort, through a lac- of )ublic )ar- land. &o this strong,
vigorous co,bination of both youth and untiring activity, avidly too- u) Gadsby7s )lan+
for nothing so stirs u) a youthful ,ind as an o))ortunity for acco,)lishing anything that
adults cannot do. And did Gadsby -now 0outh6 I7ll say so/ !is two sons and girls, now in
!igh or Gra,,ar school, had taught hi, a thing or two+ )rinci)al a,ongst which was
that all*do,inating fact that, at a not too far distant day, our young fol-s will occu)y
i,)ortant vocational and also )olitical )ositions, and will loo- bac- u)on this, our day+
s,iling -indly at our way of doing things. &o, to say that ,any a :ranton !ills 3Ling of
'a)ital4 got a bit huffy as a !igh &chool stri)ling was )roving how stubborn a rich ,an is
if his dollars don7t aid so vast an o))ortunity for doing good, would )ut it ,ildly/ &uch
downright gall by a half*grown -id to infor, hi,+ an outstanding light on :ranton !ills7
ta5 list, that this town was sliding down hill+ and would soon land in an abyss of national
oblivion/ And our @rgani9ation girls/ !ow :ranton !ills7 rich old widows and )lu,)
,atrons did sniff in disdain as a grou) of !igh &chool )u)ils brought forth
straightforward clai,s that cash )aving a road, is doing good )ractical wor-, but, in filling
u) a strong bo5, is worth nothing to our town.
@h, that class of nabobs/ !ow thoroughly Gadsby did -now its )arsi,ony// And how
thoroughly did this hard*)lanning ,an -now Just what a constant onslaught by 0outh
could do. &o, in about a ,onth, his 3@rgani9ation4 had 3waylaid,4 so to say, )ractically
half of :ranton !ills7 cash -ings+ and had so won out, through that co,,only -nown
3)ull4 u)on an adult by a child as-ing for what )lainly is worthy, that his ,ail brought
not only cash, but two rich landlords )ut at his dis)osal, tracts of land 3for any for, of
occu)ancy which can, in any way, aid our town.4 his land Gadsby7s @rgani9ation
)ro,)tly )ut into growing far, )roducts for gratis distribution to :ranton !ills7 )oor+
and that burning craving of 0outh for activity soon had it s)routing corn, s1uash, )otato,
onion and as)aragus cro)s+ and, to 3doll it u) a bit,4 )ut in a )atch of blosso,ing )lants.
"aturally any ,an is ha))y at a satisfactory cul,ination of his )lans and so, as Gadsby
found that )ublic )hilanthro)y was but an affair of )lain, ordinary a))roach, it did not
call for ,uch brain wor- to find that, )ossibly also, a way ,ight turn u) for )utting
handicraft instruction in :ranton !ills7 schools+ for schooling, according to hi,, did not
consist only of boo-s and blac-*boards. !ands, also should -now how to construct
various )ractical things in woodwor-, )lu,bing, blac-s,ithing, ,asonry, and so forth+
with thorough instruction in sanitation, and that ,ost i,)ortant of all youthful activity,
gy,nastics. Cor girls such a school could instruct in coo-ing, suit ,a-ing, hat ,a-ing,
fancy wor-, art and loo,*wor-+ in fact, about any handicraft that a girl ,ight wish to
study, and which is not in our standard school curriculu,. :ut as Gadsby thought of such
a school, no way for bac-ing it financially was in sight. own funds naturally, should carry
it along+ but town funds and own 'ouncils do not always for, what you ,ight call *
synony,ous words. &o it was co,)ulsory that cash should actually 3dro) into his la),4
via a continuation of solicitations by his now grandly functioning @rgani9ation of 0outh.
&o, out again trod that bunch of bright, ha))y -ids, )utting forth such )lain,
straightforward facts as to what $anual raining would do for :ranton !ills, that ,any
saw it in that light. :ut you will always find a grou), or individual co,)laining that such
things would 3auto,atically dawn4 on boys and girls without any training. @ld :ill
&i,)-ins was loud in his antagonis, to what was a 3cra9y )lan to di) into our town
funds Just to allow boys to saw u) good wood, and girls to burn u) good flour, trying to
coo- biscuits.4 Lids, according to hi,, should go to wor- in :ranton !ills7 sho))ing
district, and )rofit by it.
3:ah/ Why not start a class to show goldfish how to walt9/ I didn7t go to any such school+
and what a, I now6 A 'ouncil,an/ I can7t saw a board straight, nor fry a )otato chi)+ but
I can show you fol-s how to hang onto your town funds.4
@ld :ill was a notorious grouch+ but our @rgani9ation occasionally did find a totally
varying ,ood. @ld Bady Clanagan, with four boys in school, and a husband ,any days
too drun- to wor-, was loud in a))roval.
3Whoo)s/ hot7s )hwat I calls a grand thing/ Worra, worra/ I wish @ld $an Clanagan had
had sich an o))orchunity. :ut thot ignorant old clod don7t -now nuthin7 but boo9in7,
tobacca sh,o-in7 and ditch*diggin7. And you -now thot our 'ouncil ain7t a*)ayin7 for no
ditch*scoo)in7 right now. &o I7ll shout for thot school/ Cor ,y boys can find out how to fi5
thot barn door our old cow laid down against.4
!a, ha/ What a circus our @rgani9ation had with such varying ,oods and outloo-s/ :ut,
finally such a school was built+ instructors brought in fro, surrounding towns+ and
Gadsby was as ha))y as a cat with a ball of yarn.
As :ranton !ills found out what it can acco,)lish if it starts out with vigor and a will to
win, our @rgani9ation thought of laying out a big )ar-+ furnishing an o))ortunity for
s,all tots to ro,) and )lay on grassy )lots+ a )ar- for all sorts of s)orts, )icnics, and so
forth+ sand )ots for babyhood+ co9y arbors for girls who ,ight wish to study, or tal-. >0ou
,ight, )ossibly, find a girl who can tal-, you -now/?+ also shady noo-s and winding )aths
for old fol-s who ,ight find co,fort in such. Gadsby thought that a )ar- is truly a ,ost
i,)ortant adJunct to any co,,unity+ for, if a growing )o)ulation has no out*door s)ot at
which its gloo,s, slu,)s and ,orbid thoughts can vanish u)on wings of sunlight, a,idst
bright colorings of shrubs and s-y, it ,ay sin- into a grouchy, faultfinding, s1uabbling
grou)+ and ,a-ing such a showing for surrounding towns as to hold bac- any gain in
)o)ulation or valuation. Gadsby had a goodly )lot of land in a grand location for a )ar-
and sold it to :ranton !ills for a dollar+ that stingy 'ouncil to lay it out according to his
)lans. And how his @rgani9ation did a))laud hi, for this, his first 3solo wor-/4
:ut schools and )ar-s do not fulfill all of a town7s calls. $any ,inds of varying -inds will
long for an o))ortunity for finding out things not ordinarily taught in school. &o :ranton
!ills7 (ublic Bibrary was found too s,all. As it was now in a s,all bac- roo, in our !igh
&chool, it should occu)y its own building+ down town, and handy for all+ and with
additional thousands of boo-s and ,a)s. "ow, if you thin- Gadsby and his youthful
assistants stood aghast at such a gigantic )ro)osition, you Just don7t -now 0outh, as it is
today. :ut to who, could 0outh loo- for so big an outlay as a library building would cost6
:oo-s also cost+ librarians and Janitors draw )ay. &o, with light, war,th, and all*round
co,forts, it was a tas- to stu,) a full*grown )olitician+ to say nothing of a )lain, ordinary
towns,an and a bunch of -ids. &o Gadsby thought of ta-ing two bright boys and two
s,art girls to Washington, to call u)on a ,an in a high )osition, who had got it through
:ranton !ills7 )o)ular ballot. "ow, any )olitician is a convincing orator. >hat is, you
-now, all that )olitics consists of/? and this big ,an, in contact with a visiting ca)italist,
loo-ing for a handout for his own district, got a donation of a thousand dollars. :ut that
wouldn7t start a )ublic library+ to say nothing of ,aintaining it. &o, bac- in :ranton !ills,
again, our @rgani9ation was out, as usual, on its war*)ath.
:ranton !ills7 )hilanthro)y was now showing signs of ,onotony+ so our @rgani9ation
had to wor- its linguistic ability and ca)tivating tric-s full blast, until that thousand
dollars had so grown that a library was built u)on a vacant lot which had grown nothing
but grass+ and only a )oor 1uality of it, at that+ and ,any a child and adult 1uic-ly found
ways of )rofitably )assing odd hours.
"aturally @ld :ill &i,)-ins was snoo)ing around, sniffing and snorting at any signs of
,a-ing :ranton !ills 3loo- cityish,4 >a word originating in :ill7s vocabulary.?
3!uh// I didn7t )ut in any foolish hours with boo-s in ,y ha))y childhood in this good
old town/ :ut I got along all right+ and a, now having ,y say in its own !all doings.
:oo-s// (ooh/ $a)s/ :A!// It7s silly to s1uat in a hot roo, s1uinting at a lot of )rint/ If you
want to -now about a thing, go to wor- in a sho) or factory of that -ind, and find out
about it first*hand.4
3:ut, :ill,4 said Gadsby, 3sho)s want a ,an who -nows what to do without having to
sto) to train hi,.4
3@h, that7s all bosh/ If a boss shows a ,an what a tool is for+ and if that ,an is any good,
at all, why bring u) this stuff you call training6 hat ,an grabs a tool, wor-s 8til noon+
-noc-s off for an hour+ wor-s 8til 24
At this )oint in :ill7s blow*u) an Italian 'ouncil,an was )assing, and )ut in his oar, with:*
3!a, :ill/ 0ou thin-a your ,an can wor-a all right, firsta day, huh6 0ou tal-a cra9y so
,uch for ,y boota/ 0ou lasta Just a half hour. hisa library all righta. his town too ,ucha
what I call tight*wad/4
@h, hu,// It7s a tough Job ,a-ing old dogs do tric-s. :ut our @rgani9ation was now
holding al,ost daily sittings, and soon a bright girl thought of having band ,usic in that
now )o)ular )ar-. And what do you thin- that stingy 'ouncil did6 It actually built a ,ost
fantastic band*stand+ got a contract with a first*class band, and all without so ,uch as a
'ouncil,an fainting away// &o, finally, on a hot Fuly &unday, two solid hours of grand
har,ony brought Joy to ,any a )oor &oul who had not for ,any a day, -nown that bal,
of co,fort which can 3air out our brains7 dusty corridors,4 and bring such ha))y thrills, as
$usic, that char,ing Cairy, which -nows no hu,an words, can bring. Around that gaudy
band*stand, at two*thirty on that first &unday, sat or stood as ha))y a throng of old and
young as any ,an could wish for+ and Gadsby and his 3gang4 got hand*clas)s and hand*
cla)s, fro, all. A good band, you -now, not only can stir and thrill you+ for it can )lay a
soft crooning lullaby, a lilting walt9 or )ol-a+ or, with its wood winds, bring forth old
songs of our childhood, ballads of courting days, or hy,ns and carols of 'hrist,as+ and
can suit all sorts of fol-s, in all sorts of ,oods+ for a &)aniard, Iutch,an or #ussian can
find si,ilar Joy with a ,an fro, Italy, "orway or far away :ra9il.
II Eo Autu,n ;D0MH
:y now, :ranton !ills was so )roud of not only its 3s,arting u),4 but also of its startling
growth, on that account, that an a))lication was )ut forth for its incor)oration as a city+ a
s,all city, naturally, but full of that condition of 0outh, -nown as 3growing )ains.4 &o its
shabby old 3own !all4 sign was thrown away, and a blac- and gold ony5 slab, with
3'I0 !ABB4 bla9ing forth in vivid colors, )ut u), a,idst band ,usic, flag waving,
)arading and oratory. In only a ,onth fro, that glorious day, Gadsby found fol-s
3)ri,)ing u)4+ girls )utting on bright ribbons, boys finding that suits could stand a good
ironing+ and rich widows and )ortly ,atrons al,ost outdoing any rainbow in brilliancy.
An occasional sho) along :roadway, which had a rattly door or sha-y windows was )ut
into first class condition, to fit :ranton !ills7 status as a city. @ld :ill &i,)-ins was
strutting around, as )o,)ous as a dru,*,aJor+ for, now, that old own 'ouncil would
function as a city council+ his council/ !is own sta,)ing ground/ According to hi,, fro,
it, at no far day, 3:ill &i,)-ins, 'ity 'ouncil,an,4 would show an an5iously waiting
world how to run a city+ though )robably, I thin-, how not to run it.
It is truly sur)rising what a narrow ,ind, what a blind outloo- a ,an, brought u) with
)ractically no o))osition to his boyhood wants, can attain+ though brought into contact
with indis)utably i,)ortant data for i,)roving his city. @ur @rgani9ation boys thought
:ill 3a bit off4 but Gadsby would only laugh at his blasts against )aying out city funds+
for, you -now, all bo,bs don7t burst+ you occasionally find a 3dud.4
:ut this furor for fi5ing u) rattly doors or sha-y windows didn7t last+ for @ld :ill7s oratory
found favor with a bunch of his old tight*wads, who actually thought of inaugurating a
ca,)aign against Gadsby7s @rgani9ation of 0outh. As soon as this was -nown about town,
that ,ythical )ot, -nown as (ublic @)inion, was boiling furiously. A vast ,aJority stood
bac- of Gadsby and his -ids+ so, old :ill7s ran-s could count only on a s,all grou) of rich
old &hyloc-s to who, a ban-*boo- was a thing to loo- into or tal- about only annually+
that is, on ban-*balancing days. his s,all ,inority got u) a slogan:2 3Why &)oil a Good
@ld own64 and actually did, off and on, tal- a sho),an out of fi5ing u) his sho) or
grounds. his, you -now, )ut additional vigor into our @rgani9ation+ ins)iring a boy to
bring u) a )lan for calling a ,onth,2 say Fuly,23)ic-*u), )aint*u) and wash*u) ,onth+4
for it was a )lain fact that, all about town, was ,any a shabby s)ot+ a lot of buildings
could stand a good coat of )aint, and yards ra-ing u)+ thus showing surrounding towns
that not only could :ranton !ills 3doll u),4 but had a class of inhabitants who gladly
would go at such a )lan, and carry it through. &o Gadsby got his 3gang4 out, to sally forth
and any ,an or wo,an who did not Ju,), at first, at such a )lan by vigorous 0outh, was
always brought around, through noticing how )oorly a shabby yard did loo-. &o Gadsby
)ut in :ranton !ills7 3(ost4 this stirring call:*
3#a-ing u) your yard or )ainting your building is si,)ly i,)roving it both in worth+
artistically and fro, a utili9ation stand)oint. I -now that ,any a city front lawn is s,all+
but, if it is only fairly big, a wal-, cut curvingly, will add to it, sur)risingly. hat )art of a
wal- which runs to your front door could show rows of s,all roc-s rough and natural+
and grading fro, s,all to big+ but no 8hit*or*,iss7 layout. 0ou can so fi5 u) your yard as
to for, an a))roach to unity in )lan with such as adJoin you+ though without actual
du)lication+ thus )roviding har,ony for all who ,ay )ass by.
It is, in fact, but a bit of 'ity (lanning+ and anybody who aids in such wor- is a ,ost
worthy inhabitant. &o, cut your scraggly lawns/ ri, your old, shaggy shrubs/ :ring into
artistic for,, your grass*grown wal-s/4
>"ow, naturally, in writing such a story as this, with its conditions as laid down in its
Introduction, it is not sur)rising that an occasional 3rough s)ot4 in co,)osition is found.
&o I trust that a critical )ublic will hold constantly in ,ind that I a, voluntarily avoiding
words containing that sy,bol which is, by far, of ,ost co,,on inclusion in writing our
Anglo*&a5on as it is, today. $any of our ,ost co,,on words cannot show+ so I ,ust
ado)t synony,s+ and so twist a thought around as to say what I wish with as ,uch clarity
as I can.?
&o, now to go on with this odd contra)tion:
:y Autu,n, a ,an who too- his vacation in Fuly, would hardly -now his town u)on
co,ing bac-, so thoroughly had thousands 3dug in4 to aid in its transfor,ation.
3:oys,4 said Gadsby. 3you can )at your own bac-s, if you can7t find anybody to do it for
you. his city is )roud of you. And, girls, Just sing with Joy+ for not only is your city )roud
of you, but I a,, too.4
3:ut how about you, sir, and your wor-64
his was fro, Cran-+ a boy brought u) to thin- fairly on all things. 3@h,4 said Gadsby
laughingly, 3I didn7t do ,uch of anything but boss you young fol-s around. If our 'ouncil
awards any di)lo,as, I don7t want any. I would loo- ridiculous strutting around with a
di)lo,a with a )in- ribbon on it, now wouldn7t I/4
his tal- of di)lo,as was as a bolt fro, a bright s-y to this young, hustling bunch. :ut,
though Gadsby7s words did sound as though a grown ,an wouldn7t want such a thing,
that wasn7t saying that a young boy or girl wouldn7t+ and with this sur)rising )ossibility
ran-ing in young ,inds, ,any a -id was in an anti*so)orific condition for )arts of ,any a
night.
:ut a -indly 'ouncil,an actually did bring u) a bill about this di)lo,a affair, and his
collaborators )ut it through+ which naturally brought u) tal- as how to award such
di)lo,as. At last it was thought that a big )ublic affair at 'ity !all, with our @rgani9ation
on a )latfor,, with :ranton !ills7 $ayor and 'ouncil, would furnish an all*round,
satisfactory way.
&uch an occasion was worthy of a lot of )lanning+ and a first thought was for flags and
bunting on all )ublic buildings+ with a grand illu,ination at night. &tationary lights
should glow fro, all )oints on which a light could stand, hang, or swing+ and gigantic
rays should swoo) and swish across clouds and s-y. :ands should )lay+ boys and girls
,arch and sing+ and a vast crowd would )our into 'ity !all. As on si,ilar occasions, a
bad rush for chairs was a)t to occur, a co,)any of ,ilitary units should occu)y all
i,)ortant )oints, to hold bac- anything si,ulating a Ja,.
"ow, if you thin- our @rgani9ation wasn7t all agog and wild, with youthful antici)ation at
having a di)lo,a for wor- out of school hours, you Just don7t -now 0outh. :oys and girls,
though not full grown inhabitants of a city, do -now what will add to its )o)ularity+ and
having had a )art in bringing about such conditions, it was but natural to loo- bac- u)on
such, as any ,ilitary ,an ,ight at winning a difficult fight.
&o, finally our big day was at hand/ hat it ,ight not cut into school hours, it was on a
&aturday+ and, by noon, about a thousand -ids, singing, shouting and waving flags, stood
in for,ation at 'ity (ar-, awaiting with growing thrills, a signal which would start as big
a turn*out as :ranton !ills had -nown in all its history. %) at 'ity !all awaiting arrivals
of city officials, a big crowd sat+ row u)on row of chairs which not only too- u) all floor
roo,, but also ,any a s,all s)ot, in door*way or on a balcony in which a chair or stool
could find footing+ and all who could not find such an o))ortunity willingly stood in bac-.
Fust as a grou) of officials sat down on that flag*bound )latfor,, distant throbbing of
dru,s, and bright, sna))y band ,usic told of :ranton !ills a))roaching thousands of
-ids, who, finally ,arching in through 'ity !all7s ,ain door, stood in a solid ,ass around
that big roo,.
"aturally Gadsby had to )ut his satisfaction into words+ and, advancing to a ,ahogany
stand, stood waiting for a stor, of hand*cla))ing and shouts to 1uit, and said:2
30our !onor, $ayor of :ranton !ills, its 'ouncil, and all you out in front:2 If you would
only sto) rating a child7s ability by your own+ and try to find out Just what ability a child
has, our young fol-s throughout this big world would show a sur)risingly willing
dis)osition to try things which would bring your a))robation. A child7s brain is an
astonishing thing. It has, in its construction, an astounding ca)acity for absorbing what is
brought to it+ and not only to thin- about, but to find ways for i,)roving it. It is today7s
child who, to,orrow, will, you -now, laugh at our ways of doing things. &o, in )utting
across this ca,)aign of building u) our co,,unity into a ,unici)ality which has won
acclai,, not only fro, its officials and inhabitants, but fro, surrounding towns I found, in
our young fol-s, an out*and*out inclination to assist+ and you, today, can loo- u)on it as
labor in which your adult aid was but a s,all factor. &o now, ,y @rgani9ation of 0outh, if
you will )ass across this )latfor,, your $ayor will hand you your di)lo,as.4
"ot in all :ranton !ills7 history had any boy or girl -nown such a thrill as u)on winning
that hard*won roll/ And fro, solid ban-s of hu,anity roars of congratulation burst forth.
As soon as $ayor :rown shoo- hands >and such tiny, war,, soft young hands, too/? with
all, a big out*door lunch was found waiting on a char,ing lawn bac- of 'ity !all+ and this
was no World War ,obili9ation lunch of doughnuts and a hot dog sandwich+ but, as two
of Gadsby7s sons said, was 3an all*round, good, big fill*u)+4 and ,any a boy7s and girl7s
3tu,,y4 was soon as round and taut as a balloon.
As twilight was turning to dus-, boys in an adJoining lot shot s-yward a crashing bo,b,
announcing a grand illu,ination as a fitting cli,a5 for so glorious a day+ and thousands
sat on roc-*walls, grassy -nolls, in cars or at windows, with a big crowd standing along
curbs and crosswal-s. $yriads of lights of all colors, in solid balls, s)rays, s)ar-ling
fountains, and bursts of glory, shot, in criss*cross )aths, u) and down, bac- and forth,
across a star*lit s-y+ )roviding a dis)lay without a )ar in local annals.
:ut not only did 0outh thrill at so fantastic a show. Adults had ,any a Courth of Fuly
brought bac- fro, a distant )ast+ in which our national custo, wound u) our ,ost
i,)ortant holiday with a si,ilar dis)lay+ only, in our Courths of long ago, horrifying,
gigantic concussions would disturb old fol-s and invalids until ,idnight+ at which hour,
according to law, all such carrying*on ,ust sto). :ut did it6 (ossibly in your town, but not
around ,y district/ All Courth of Fuly outfits don7t always function at first, you -now+ and
no -id, >or adult/? would thin- of 1uitting until that last )o) should )o)+ or that last bang
should bang. And so, ,any a dawn on Fuly fifth found things still going, full blast.
III E;D0= and ;D0DH
0outh cannot stay for long in a condition of inactivity+ and so, for only about a ,onth did
things so stand, until a )articularly bright girl in our @rgani9ation, thought out a )lan for
caring for infants of fol-s who had to go out, to wor-+ and this bright -id soon had a grou)
of girls who would Join, during vacation, in voluntarily giving u) four days a ,onth to
such wor-. With about fifty girls collaborating, all districts had this ,ost gracious aid+ and
a girl would not only watch and guard, but would also instruct, as far as )ractical, any
such tot as had not had its first schooling. &uch wor- by young girls still in school was a
grand thing+ and Gadsby not only stood u) for such loyalty, but got at his boys to find a
si,ilar )lan+ and soon had a full troo) of :oy &couts+ unifor,s and all. his auto,atically
brought about a Girl &cout unit+ and, through a collaboration of both, a for, of club
s)rang u). It was a club in which any boy or girl of a fa,ily owning a car would call
,ornings for )u)ils having no cars, during school days, for a tri) to school and bac-. his
was not only a saving in long wal-s for ,any, but also too- fro, a young bac-, that hard,
tiring strain fro, lugging such ar,fuls of boo-s as you find )u)ils laboriously carrying,
today. %)on arriving at a school building, ,any cars would unload so ,any boo-s that
Gadsby said:2
30ou would thin- that a (ublic Bibrary branch was ,oving in/4 his car wor- soon
brought u) a thought of giving si,ilar aid to ailing adults+ who, not owning a car, could
not -now of that vast dis)lay of hill and )lain so co,,on to a ,aJority of our townsfol-s.
&o a )lan was laid, by which a car would call two days a ,onth+ and for an hour or so,
follow roads winding out of town and through woods, far, lands and suburbs+ showing
distant )onds, and that grand arch of s-y which 3shut*ins4 -now only fro, )hotogra)hs.
Ah+ how that )lan did stir u) Joyous antici)ation a,ongst such as thus had an
o))ortunity to call u)on old, loving )als, and tal- of old custo,s and )ast days/
@ccasionally such a tal- would last so long that a youthful ,otorist, waiting dutifully at a
curb, thought that a full fa,ily history of both host and visitor was u) for an airing. :ut
old fol-s always will tal- and it will not do a boy or girl any har, to wait+ for, you -now,
that boy or girl will act in Just that way, at a not too far*off day/
:ut, )o)ular as this touring )lan was, it had to sto)+ for school again too- all young fol-s
fro, such out*door activity. "obody was so sorry at this as Gadsby, for though :ranton
!ills7 suburban country is glorious fro, $arch to August, it is also strong in its attractions
throughout Autu,n, with its artistic colorings of fruits, )u,)-ins, corn*shoc-s, hay*
stac-s and Call blosso,s. &o Gadsby got a big ,otor*coach co,)any to run a bus a day,
carrying, gratis, all )oor or sic-ly fol-s who had a doctor7s affidavit that such an outing
would aid in curing ills arising fro, too constant in*door living+ and so, u) al,ost to
han-sgiving, this big coach ran daily.
As &)ring got around again, this 3,an*of*all*wor-4 thought of driving away a shut*in
invalid7s ,onotony by having ,usicians go to such roo,s, to )lay+ or, by ta-ing along a
vocalist or trio, sing such old songs as always bring bac- ha))y days. his wor- Gadsby
thought of )aying for by )utting on a circus. And was it a circus6 It was// It had boys
for,ing both front and hind li,bs of ani,als totally un-nown to 9oology+ girls strutting
around as gigantic birds of also doubtful origin+ an array of s,all living ani,als such as
tric- dogs and goats, a dancing )ony, a grou) of i,itation Indians, cowboys, cowgirls, a
-ic-ing tric- Jac-*ass+ and, tal- about clowns/ Corty boys got into baggy )antaloons and
fools7 ca)s+ and no circus, including that first of all shows in "oah7s Ar-, had so ,uch
going on. Gy,nasts fro, our school gy,nasiu,, tu,bling, Ju,)ing and racing+ co,ic
dancing+ a clown band+ high*swinging artists, and a funny co) who didn7t wait to find out
who a ,an was, but hit hi, anyway. And, as no circus is a circus without boys shouting
wildly about )o)*corn and cold drin-s, Gadsby saw to it that such boys got in as ,any
)atrons7 way as any a,bitious youth could+ and that is 3going strong,4 if you -now boys,
at all/
:ut what about )rofits6 It not only )aid for all acts which his @rgani9ation couldn7t )ut
on, but it was found that a big fund for ,any a day7s ,usical visitations, was on hand.
And, now a word or two about ,unici)al affairs in this city+ or any city, in which nobody
will thin- of doing anything about its )oor and sic-, without a vigorous )rodding u). 'ity
'ouncils, now*a*days, willingly grant big a))ro)riations for )aving, lights, schools, Jails,
courts, and so on+ but invariably fight shy of charity+ which is nothing but sy,)athy for
anybody who is 3down and out.4
"o ,an can say that 'harity will not, during co,ing days, aid hi, in su))orting his
fa,ily+ and it was Gadsby7s clai, that hu,ans:2not bloc-s of buildings, for, what
$an-ind calls a city. :ut what would big, costly buildings a,ount to, if all who wor- in
such cannot ,aintain that good )hysical condition )ara,ount in carrying on a city7s
various for,s of labor6 And not only )hysical good, but also a ,ind ha))y fro, lac- of
worry and of that stagnation which always follows a ,onotonous daily grind. &o our
@rgani9ation was soon out again, agitating 'ity @fficials and civilians toward building a
big Auditoriu, in which all -inds of shows and s)orts could occur, with also a swi,,ing
)ool and hot and cold baths. &uch a building cannot so ,uch as start without financial
bac-ing+ but gradually ,any an iron*bound ban- account was drawn u)on >,uch as you
)ull a tooth/?, to buy bonds. Also, such a building won7t grow u) in a night+ nor was a s)ot
u)on which to )ut it found without a lot of agitation+ ,any wanting it in a down*town
district+ and also, ,any who had vacant land )ut forth all sorts of clai,s to obtain cash for
lots u)on which a big ta5 was )aid annually, with*out )rofits. :ut all such things
auto,atically turn out satisfactorily to a ,aJority+ though an ugly, s1uaw- that 3,unici)al
graft4 was against hi,.
"ow Gadsby was vigorously against graft+ not only in city affairs but in any -ind of
transaction+ and that stab brought forth such a flow of oratory fro, hi,, that as voting for
$ayor was soon to occur, it, and a long list of good wor-s, soon had hi, u) for that
)osition. :ut Gadsby didn7t want such a no,ination+ still, thousands of towns*fol-s who
had -nown hi, fro, childhood, would not har- to anything but his candidacy+ and, soon,
on window cards, signs, and flags across :roadway, was his )hotogra)h and 3GAI&:0
C@# $A0@#4+ and a ca,)aign was on which still rings in :ranton !ills7 history as 3hot
stuff/4 Cour as)iring )oliticians ran in o))osition+ and, as all had good bac-ing, and
Gadsby only his )ublic wor-s to fall bac- on, things soon got loo-ing gloo,y for hi,. !is
antagonists, standing u)on soa) bo5, auto truc-, or hastily built )latfor,s, )ut forth, with
)rodigious vi,, clai,s that 3our fair city will go bac- to its original oblivion if I a, not its
$ayor/4 :ut our @rgani9ation now too- a hand, ,ost of which, now out of !igh &chool,
was growing u) ra)idly+ and anybody who -nows anything at all about :ranton !ills7
history, -nows that, if this band of bright, loyal )als of Gadsby7s was out to attain a goal, it
was ,ighty a)t to start things hu,,ing. o say that Gadsby7s rivals got a bad Jolt as it got
around town that his 3bunch of warriors4 was aiding hi,, would )ut it but ,ildly. wo
1uit instantly, saying that this is a day of 0outh and no adult has half a show against it/ :ut
two still hung on+ clinging to a sort of fond fantasy that Gadsby, not naturally a )ublic sort
of ,an, ,ight voluntarily dro) out. :ut, had Gadsby so ,uch as thought of such an
action, his @rgani9ation would 1uic-ly laugh it to scorn.
3Why, good gracious/4 said Cran- $organ, 3if anybody should sit in that $ayor7s chair in
'ity !all, it7s you/ Fust loo- at what you did to boost :ranton !ills/ %ntil you got it a*
going it had but two thousand inhabitants+ now it has si5ty thousand/ And Just as- your
rivals to )oint to any )art of it that you didn7t build u). Boo- at our (ublic Bibrary,
,unici)al band, occu)ational class roo,s+ auto and bus tri)s+ and your circus which )aid
for ,usic for sic- fol-s. With you as $ayor, boy/ What an o))ortunity to boss and swing
things your own way/ Why, anything you ,ight say is as good as law+ and24
3"ow, hold on, boy/4 said Gadsby, 3a $ayor can7t boss things in any such a way as you
thin-. A $ayor has a 'ouncil, which has to )ass on all bills brought u)+ and, ,y boy, u)on
arriving at ,anhood, you7ll find that a $ayor who can boss a 'ouncil around, is a ,ost
unco,,on bird. And as for a $ayor7s word a,ounting to a law, it7s a ,ighty good thing
that it can7t/ Why, a $ayor can7t do ,uch of anything, today, Cran-, without a bunch of
cra9y bat*brains stirring u) a ru,)us about his acts loo-ing 8sus)iciously shady.7 "ow
that is a bad condition in which to find a city, Cran-. 0ou boys don7t -now anything about
graft+ but as you grow u) you will find ,any flaws in a city7s laws+ but also ,any )oints
thoroughly good and fair. Fust try to thin- what a city would a,ount to if a solitary ,an
could control its law ,a-ing, as a Ling or &ultan of old. hat was why so ,any ,illions of
inhabitants would start wars and riots against a tyrant+ for ,any a Ling was a tyrant,
Cran-, and had no thought as to how his laws would suit his thousands of rich and )oor. A
law that ,ight suit a rich ,an, ,ight wor- all -inds of havoc with a )oor fa,ily.4
3:ut,4 said Cran-. 3why should a Ling )ass a law that would dissatisfy anybody64
Gadsby7s )arry to this rising youthful a,bition for light on )olitical affairs was:2
3Why will a duc- go into a )ond64 and Cran- found that though a growing young ,an
,ight -now a thing or two, ,a-ing laws for a city was a ,an7s Job.
&o, with a $ayoralty ca,)aign on his hands, )lus )lanning for that big auditoriu,,
Gadsby was as busy as a fly around a syru) Jug+ for a ,ass of ca,)aign ,ail had to go
out+ to)ics for orations thought u)+ and contacts with his now truly i,)ortant
@rgani9ation of 0outh, too- so ,any hours out of his days that his fa,ily hardly saw hi,,
at all. "oon naturally stood out as a good o))ortunity for oratory, as thousands, out for
lunch, would sto), in )assing. :ut, also, ,any a hall rang with )laudits as an antagonist
won a )oint+ but ,any a throng saw Gadsby7s good )oints, and )lainly told hi, so by
turning out volu,inously at any )oint at which his oratory was to flow. It was truly
,iraculous how this ,an of shy dis)osition, found words in )utting forth his )lans for
i,)roving :ranton !ills, town of his birth. $any an orator has grown u) fro, an
unassu,ing individual who had things worth saying+ and who, through that curious
facility which is born of a conviction that his )lans had a )ractical basis, won ,any a ballot
against such )rolific flows of high*sounding words as his antagonists had in stoc-. $any a
night Gadsby was 3all in,4 as his worn*out body and an aching throat sought his downy
couch. "o ca,)aign is a cinch.
With so ,any ,inds a,ongst a city7s )o)ulation, Just that ,any calls for this or that
swung bac- and forth until that ,ost i,)ortant of all days, 2voting day, was at hand.
What crowds, ,obs and Ja,s did assail all )olling booths casting ballots to land a )arty*
,an in 'ity !all/ If a voting booth was in a school building, as is a co,,on custo, )u)ils
had that day off+ and, as Gadsby was 0outh7s cha,)ion, grou)s of -ids hung around,
watching and ho)ing with that avidity so co,,on with youth, that Gadsby would win by
a ,aJority un-nown in :ranton !ills. And Gadsby did/
As soon as it was shown by official count, :ranton !ills was a riot, fro, 'ity !all to 'ity
li,its+ throngs tra,)ing around, tossing hats aloft+ for a hard*wor-ing ,an had won what
,any thousands thought was fair and Just.
IV E;D0D and ;D;0H
As soon as Gadsby7s inauguration had )ut hi, in a )osition to do things with authority,
his first act was to start things ,oving on that big auditoriu, )lan, for which ,any
ca)italists had bought bonds. Again )ublic o)inion had a lot to say as to how such a
building should loo-, what it should contain+ how long, how high, how costly+ with a long
string of ifs and buts.
Ca,ily u)on fa,ily )ut forth clai,s for roo,s for )ublic foru,s in which various
thoughts u)on world affairs could find o))ortunity for discussion+ &alvation Ar,y
officials thought that a big hall for a )ublic &unday &chool class would do a lot of good+
and that, lastly, what I ,ust, fro, this odd yarn7s strict orthogra)hy, call a 3fil, show,4
should, without doubt occu)y a )art of such a building. Anyway, tal- or no tal-, Gadsby
said that it should stand as a building for ,an, wo,an and child+ rich or )oor+ and,
barring its 3fil, show,4 without cost to anybody. :ranton !ills7 fol-s could thus swi,, do
gy,nastics, tal- on )ublic affairs, or 3Just sit and gossi)4, at will. &o it was finally built in
a char,ing )ar- a,idst shrubs and blosso,s+ an additional honor for Gadsby.
:ut such buildings as :ranton !ills now had could not fulfill all functions of so ra)idly
growing a city+ for you find, occasionally, a class of fol-s who cannot afford a doctor, if ill.
his was brought u) by a girl of our @rgani9ation, Ioris Fohnson, who, on 'hrist,as Iay,
in ta-ing gifts to a )oor fa,ily, had found a wo,an critically ill, and with no funds for aid
or co,forts+ and instantly, in Ioris7 1uic- young ,ind a vision of a big city hos)ital too-
for,+ and, on a following day Gadsby had his @rgani9ation at 'ity !all, to 3Just tal-,4
>and you -now how that bunch can tal-/? to a 'ouncil,an or two.
"ow, if any -ind of a building in all this big world costs good, hard cash to build, and
furnish, it is a hos)ital+ and it is also a building which a )ublic -nows nothing about. &o
$ayor Gadsby saw that if his 'ouncil would )ass an a))ro)riation for it, no such
s1uabbling as had struc- his $unici)al Auditoriu, )lan, would occur. :ut Gadsby forgot
:ranton !ills7 landlords, all of who, had 3a ,ost glorious s)ot,4 Just right for a hos)ital+
until, finally, a grou) of )hysicians was told to loo- around. And did :ranton !ills7
landlords call u)on :ranton !ills7 )hysicians6 I7ll say so// Anybody visiting town, not
-nowing what was going on, would thin- that vacant land was as co,,on as raindro)s in
a cloudburst. &,all )lots s)rang into )ublic light which couldn7t hold a )oultry barn, to
say nothing of a big 'ity !os)ital. :ut no gras)ing landlord can fool )hysicians in tal-ing
u) a hos)ital location, so it was finally built, on high land, with a char,ing vista across
:ranton !ills7 suburbs and distant hills+ a,ongst which Gadsby7s charity auto and bus
tri)s too- so ,any ha))y invalids on )ast hot days.
"ow it is only fair that our boys and girls of this fa,ous @rgani9ation of 0outh, should
wal- forward for an introduction to you. &o I will bring forth such bright and loyal girls as
Ioris Fohnson, Iorothy Citts, Bucy Ionaldson, $arian !o)-ins, (riscilla &tandish, Abigail
Worthington, &arah 0oung, and Virginia Ada,s. A,ong our boys, cast a fond loo- u)on
Arthur #an-in, Cran- $organ, Fohn !a,ilton, (aul Fohnson, @scar Lnott and Willia,
&now+ as s,art a bunch of 0outh as you could find in a ,onth of &undays.
As soon as our big hos)ital was built and functioning, &arah 0oung and (riscilla &tandish,
in tal-ing with grou)s of girls, had found a longing for a night*school, as so ,any fol-s
had to wor- all day, so couldn7t go to our $anual raining &chool. &o $ayor Gadsby too-
it u) with :ranton !ills &chool :oard. "ow school boards do not always thin- in har,ony
with $ayors and 'ouncils+ in fact, what with school boards, 'ouncils, ta5ation boards,
)aving contractors, &unday closing*hour agitations, railway rights of way, and all*round
)olitical 3,ud*slinging,4 a $ayor has a tough Job.
wo of Gadsby7s &chool :oard said 3"@/4 A right out*loud, sla,*bang big 3"@//4 wo
thought that a night school was a good thing+ but four, with a faint glow of financial
wisdo,, >a rarity in )olitics, today/? saw no cash in sight for such an institution.
:ut Gadsby7s fa,ous @rgani9ation won again/ :ranton hills did not contain a fa,ily in
which this @rgani9ation wasn7t -nown+ and ,any a soc- was brought out fro, hiding,
and ,any a sofa )illow cut into, to aid any )lan in which this grou) had a )art.
:ut, Just as funds had grown to what $ayor Gadsby thought would fill all such wants, a
row in 'ouncil as to this fund7s a))lication got so hot that 3!is !onor4 got ,ad+ ,ighty,
,ad// And said:* 3Why is it that any bill for a))ro)riations co,ing u) in this 'ouncil has
to -ic- u) such a ru,)us6 Why can7t you loo- at such things with a )ublic ,ind+ for
nothing can so aid toward )assing bills as har,ony. his city is not holding off an
attac-ing ar,y. :ranton !ills is not a )ac- of wild ani,als, sna))ing and snarling by day+
Ju,)ing, at a crac-ling twig, at night. It is a city of hu,ans+ ani,als, if you wish, but with
a gift fro, @n !igh of a brain, so far a)art fro, all du,b ani,als as to allow us to tal-
about our )ublic affairs cal,ly and thoughtfully. All this "ight &chool ru,)us is foolish.
"aturally, what is taught in such a school is an i,)ortant factor+ so I want to find out fro,
our @rgani9ation 24
At this )oint, old :ill &i,)-ins got u), with: 3his @rgani9ation of 0outh stuff )uts a -in-
in ,y s)inal colu,n/ Al,ost all of it is through school. &o how can you bring such a
grou) forward as 8)u)ils674
3A child,4 said Gadsby, 3who had such schooling as :ranton !ills affords is, naturally, still
a )u)il+ for ,any will follow u) a study if an o))ortunity is at hand. $any adults also
carry out a custo, of brushing u) on unfa,iliar to)ics+ thus, also, ran-ing as )u)ils.
(ossibly, :ill, if you would loo- u) that word 8)u)il,7 you wouldn7t find so ,uch fault with
insignificant data.4
3All right/4 was &i,)-ins7 sna)*bac-+ 3but what I want to -now is, what our big (ublic
Bibrary is for. 0our 8)u)ils7 can find all sorts of infor,ation in that big building. &o why
build a night school6 It7s nothing but a du)lication/4
3A library,4 said Gadsby, 3is not a school. It has no instructors+ you cannot tal- in its
roo,s. 0ou ,ay find a boo- or two on your study, or you ,ay not. 0ou would find it a big
handica) if you thin- that you can acco,)lish ,uch with no aid but that of a (ublic
Bibrary. 0oung fol-s -now what young fol-s want to study. It is foolish, say, to install a
class in Astrono,y, for although it is a "ight &chool, its )u)ils7 thoughts ,ight not turn
toward $ars, &aturn or shooting stars+ but shorthand, including training for ty)ists
a,ongst adults who, naturally don7t go to day schools, is ,ost i,)ortant, today+ also
!istory and 'or)oration Baw+ and I -now that a study of $usic would attract ,any. Any
,an or wo,an who wor-s all day, but still wants to study at night, should find an
o))ortunity for doing so.4
his )ut a sto) to 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins7 criticis,s, and a))roval was )ut u)on Gadsby7s
)lan+ and it was but shortly that this school7s )o)ularity was shown in a ,ost a,using
way. :ranton !ills fol-s, in )assing it on going out for a show or social call, caught ,ost
savory whiffs, as its coo-ing class was )roducing doughnuts and biscuits+ for a $iss
'ha),an, long fa,ous as a coo- for :ranton !ills7 Wo,an7s 'lub, had about forty girls
finding out about that ,agic art. &o, too, occasionally a cran-y old 'ouncil,an, who had
fought against 3this foolish night school )ro)osition,4 would )ass by+ and, oh, hu,// A
'ouncil,an is only an ani,al, you -now+ and, on coo-ing class nights, such an ani,al,
unavoidably drawn by that wafting aro,a, would go in, Just a bit hu,iliatingly, and, in
)raising $iss 'ha),an for doing 3such i,)ortant wor- for our young girls,4 would
avidly ,unch a )i)ing hot biscuit or a si99ling doughnut fro, a young girl7s hand, who, a
,onth ago, couldn7t fry a slab of bacon without burning it.
V Eo Autu,n ;D;0H
Fust as Gadsby was thin-ing nothing was now lac-ing in :ranton !ills, a child in a )oor
fa,ily got ty)hoid sy,)to,s fro, drin-ing fro, a s,all broo- at a )icnic and, without
any aid fro, our fa,ous @rgani9ation, a )ublic cla,or was forthco,ing for $unici)al
Iistrict "ursing, as so ,any fol-s loo- with horror at going to a hos)ital. "ow Iistrict
"ursing calls for no big a))ro)riation+ Just salary, a first*aid outfit, a su))ly of drugs and
so forth+ and, now*a*days, a car. And, to :ranton !ills7 honor four girls who had had
nursing training soon brought, not only s,all co,forts, but i,)ortant ,inistrations to a
goodly )art of our )o)ulation. In districts without this i,)ortant ,unici)al function,
co,,on colds ,ay run into long*drawn*out attac-s+ and contagion can not only shut u) a
school or two but badly handica) all for,s of )ublic activity.
3oo ,any s,all towns,4 said Gadsby, 3try to go without )ublic nursing+ calling it foolish,
and clai,ing that a fa,ily ought to loo- out for its own sic-. :%/ &hould a high
,ortality, such as, this "ation !A& -nown, occur again, such towns will frantically
broadcast a call for girls with nursing training+ and wish that a silly, cash*saving custo,
hadn7t brought such critical conditions.4
At this )oint I want to bring forward an individual who has had a big )art in :ranton
!ills7 growth+ but who, u) to now, has not shown u) in this history. 0ou -now that
Gadsby had a fa,ily, naturally including a wo,an+ and that wo,an was fondly and
)o)ularly -nown throughout town as Bady Gadsby+ a ran- fittingly ,atching Gadsby7s
3!is !onor,4 u)on his inauguration as $ayor. Bady Gadsby was strongly in favor of all
-inds of clubs or associations+ organi9ing a ,ost worthy 'harity 'lub, a :oo- 'lub and a
(olitical Au5iliary. It was but a natural growth fro, Wo,an7s )art in )olitics, both
,unici)al and "ational+ and which, in ,any a city, has had ,uch to say toward
no,inations of good officials, and running ,any a croo- out of town+ for no croo-, nor
3gang boss4 can hold out long if u) against a strong Wo,an7s 'lub. hough it was long
thought that wo,an7s brain was ,inor in co,)arison with ,an7s, wo,an, as a class, now*
a*day shows an all*round activity+ and has brought staid control to official actions which
had had a long run through do,ination by ,an+2 that )roud, coc-y, strutting ani,al
who thin-s that this gigantic world should ho), s-i) and Ju,) at his co,,ands. &o, fro,,
or through Just such clubs as Bady Gadsby7s, :ranton !ills was soon attracting fol-s fro,
surrounding districts+ in fact, it was -nown as a sort of Cairyland in which all things turn
out satisfactorily. his was, )lainly, a condition which would call for ,uch additional
building+ which also brings additional ta5 inflow+ so :ranton !ills was ra)idly growing
into a ,ost i,)ortant co,,unity. &o, at a &chool :oard lunch, !is !onor said: 3I trust
that now you will ad,it that what I said long ago about ,a-ing a city an attraction to
tourists, is bringing daily confir,ation. @h, what a lot of )olitically blind city and town
officials I could )oint out within a day7s auto tri) fro, :ranton !ills/ $any such an
official, u)on winning a foothold in 'ity !all, thin-s only of his own cohorts, and his own
gain. &o it is not sur)rising that )ublic affairs grow stagnant. ruly, I cannot fatho, such
,inds/ I can thin- of nothing so satisfying as doing )ublic good in as ,any ways as an
official can. hin-, for an instant, as to Just what a city is. As I said long ago, it is not an
array of buildings, )ar-s and fountains. "o. A city is a living thing/ It is, actually, hu,an+
for it is a grou) of hu,anity growing u) in daily contact+ and if officials ado)t as a slogan,
3all I can do,4 and not 3all I can grab,4 only its suburban boundary can li,it its growth.
:ranton !ills attracts thousands, annually. All of that influ5 loo-s for co,forts, an
o))ortunity to wor-, and good schools. :ranton !ills has all that+ and I want to say that
all who visit us, with thoughts of Joining us, will find us holding out a glad hand+
)ro,ising that all such fond outloo-s will find confir,ation at any s)ot within cannon*
shot of 'ity !all.4
At this )oint, a wo,an fro, Just such a grou) got u), saying: 3I want to bac- u) your
,ayor. @n ,y first visit to your char,ing city I saw an o))ortunity for ,y fa,ily+ and,
with wo,an7s fa,ous ability for arguing, I got ,y husband to thin- as I do+ and not an
hour fro, that day has brought us any dissatisfaction. 0our schools stand high in
co,)arison with any out our way+ your sho)s carry first*class goods, your laws act
without favoritis, for anybody or class+ and an air of ha))y*go*luc-y conditions actually
shouts at you, fro, all )arts of town.4
"ow, as ,onths slid )ast it got around to "ight &chool graduation day+ and as it was this
institution7s first, all :ranton !ills was on hand, )ac-ing its big hall. An i,)ortant )art
was a ,usical half*hour by its big chorus, singing such grand co,)ositions as arias fro,
Caust, #obin !ood, Aida, and $artha+ also both boys7 and girls7 bands, both brass and
strings, doing first*class wor- on a &ousa ,arch, a &trauss walt9, and a )ot)ourri of
"ational airs fro, ,any lands, which brought a stor, of hand cla))ing+ for no for, of
study will so aid youth in living ha))ily, as ,usic. Ability to )lay or sing+ to -now what is
good or )oor in ,usic, instills into young fol-s a high 1uality of thought+ and, accuracy is
found in its rigidity of rhyth,.
As soon as this ,usic class was through, Gadsby brought forth soloists, duos and trios+
violinists, )ianists, and so ,any young ,usicians that :ranton !ills was as )roud of its
night school as a girl is of 3that first dia,ond.4 hat brought our )rogra, around to
introducing )u)ils who had won honor ,ar-s: four girls in -nitting, oil )ainting, coo-ing
and Journalis,+ and four s,art youths in brass wor-, wood*carving and 'or)oration law.
:ut )u)ils do not for, all of a school body+ so a grou) of blushing instructors had to bow
to an a))lauding roo,ful.
hough this was a school graduation, $ayor Gadsby said it would do no har, to )oint
out a )lan for still adding to :ranton !ills7 )ublic s)irit
3his town is too )lain+ too dingy. :ric- walls and as)halt )aving do not light u) a town,
but di, it. &o I want to )lant all -inds of growing things along ,any of our curbs. In our
)ar-s I want )onds with gold fish, fancy duc-s and big swans+ row*boats, islands with
arbors, and lots of shrubs that blosso,+ not Just an array of twigs and stal-s. I want, in our
big 'ity (ar-, a casino, dancing )avilion, lunch roo,s+ and )ar-ings for as ,any cars as
can crowd in. &o I thin- that all of us ought to )itch in and )ut a bright array of natural
aids round about+ both in our sho))ing district and suburbs+ for you -now that old saying,
that 8a char,ing thing is a Joy always.74
&o a ,iraculous transfor,ation of any s)ot at all dull was soon a fact. @a-, birch and
)o)lar sa)lings stood along curbs and around railway stations+ girls brought in willow
twigs, ivy roots, bulbs of canna, dahlia, calladiu,, tuli), Jon1uil, gladiola and hyacinth.
:oys also dug ,any woodland shrubs which, standing along railway trac-s, out of town,
too- away that gloo,y vista so co,,only found u)on a))roaching a big city+ and a long
grass)lot, with a ri, of bo5wood shrubs, was laid out, half way fro, curb to curb on
:roadway, in :ranton !ills7 financial district. As Gadsby was loo-ing at all this with
ha))y satisfaction, a bright lad fro, our "ight &chool7s radio class, told hi, that :ranton
!ills should install a broadcasting station, as no city, today, would thin- of trying to win
additional )o)ulation without that ,ost i,)ortant adJunct for obtaining )ublicity. &o any
,an or boy who had any -nac- at radio was all agog+ and about a thousand had a,bitions
for a Job in it, at which only about si5 can wor-. And 'ity !all had al,ost a riot, as grou)s
of )oliticians, )astors and clubs told Just what such a station should, and should not
broadcast+ for a broadcasting station, with its vast o))ortunity for causing both
satisfaction and antagonis,, ,ust hold rigidly aloof fro, any racial favoritis,, church,
financial or nationality criticis,s+ and such a )olicy is, as any broadcasting station will
ad,it, ,ost difficult of ado)tion. Cirst of all stood that i,)ortant )osition of what you
,ight call 3studio boss.4 Although a ,an in control of a station is not -nown as 3boss,4 I
thin- it will )ass in this oddly built*u) story. "ow I a, going to boost our fa,ous
@rgani9ation again, by stating that a boy fro, its ran-s, Cran- $organ, was )ut in+ for it
was a hobby of Gadsby to )ut :ranton !ills boys in :ranton !ills ,unici)al Jobs. &o
Cran-, right away, got all sorts of calls for hours or half hours to broadcast ,ost
astounding bargains in clothing, salad oils, ,otor oils, ,otor 3gas4, soa)s, cars, and tooth
brush lubricants.
With a big Call ca,)aign for Washington officials about to start, such a )osition as Cran-7s
was chuc- full of )itfalls+ a stiff )ro)osition for a young cha), not long out of !igh &chool.
:ut Gadsby too- hi, in hand.
3"ow, boy, hold your chin u), and you will find that ,ost fol-s, though cran-y or
stubborn at first, will follow your rulings if you insist, in a civil way, that you -now all our
"ational #adio 'o,,ission7s laws binding your station. $illions, of all -inds, will dial in
your station+ and what would highly satisfy a grou) in 'olorado ,ight actually insult a
,an down in Clorida+ for radio7s wings carry far. 0ou -now I7ll bac- you u), boy. :ut now,
what would you call this station64
3@h,4 said our tyro*boss+ 3a radio station should wor- with initials showing its location.
&o a :ranton !ills station could stand as L:!.4
&uch initials, ringing with civic )atriotis,, hit Gadsby Just right+ his 'ouncil )ut it in
writing+ and 3&tation L:!4 was born/ hough it is not i,)ortant to follow it fro, now on,
I will say that our vast country, by tuning in on L:!, found out a lot about this %to)ia.
30ou -now that good old yarn,4 said Gadsby, 3about ,a-ing so good a rat*tra) that
,illions will tra,) down your grass in ,a-ing a )ath to your front door.4
VI E;D;0H
"ow don7t thin- that our fa,ous @rgani9ation, having shown its worth on so ,any
occasions, sat down without thin-ing of doing anything again. "o, sir/ "ot this bunch/ If a
boy or girl thought of any addition to :ranton !ills7 )o)ularity it was brought to $ayor
Gadsby for consultation. And so, as Bucy Ionaldson on a tri) through a )atch of woods,
saw a big stag loo-ing out fro, a clu,) of shrubs, nothing would do but to rush to !is
!onor to )our what thoughts that char,ing sight had brought u) in this bright young
,ind. &o, as Gadsby stood at 'ity !all7s front door, this )al)itating, gushing young girl
ran towards hi,, )anting and blowing fro, a long run
3I want a 9oo/4
3A W!A64
3A K@@// 0ou -now/ A )ar- with stags and all -inds of wild ani,als+ and a duc- )ond,
and, and, and4
3Whoa/ &low down a bit/ Io you want an actual 9oo, or an outfit of toys that wind u) and
growl64
3I want a truly, out*and*out, big 9oo. Why can7t you build walls around a )art of 'ity (ar-,
and...4
Gadsby saw that this was an addition which nobody had thought of, until now+ so,
gras)ing his young visitor7s hand, Joyfully, said:*
3It7s a fact, Bucy// And, as you thought of it, I7ll call it, 2now wait+ 2what shall I call it6
Aha/ hat7s it/ I7ll call it 8Bucy Koo7. !ow7s that for 1uic- thin-ing64
3$y/ hat7s Just grand+ but what will (a)a say64
"ow Gadsby had -nown Bucy7s fa,ily fro, boyhood, so said:230ou infor, your dad
that at any sign of bal-ing by hi,, I7ll )ut !I$ in Bucy Koo, and )ay a boy to )rod hi,
with a shar) stic-, until his a))roval is in ,y hands.4 his brought such a rollic-ing laugh
that a ,an ,owing 'ity !all lawn had to laugh, too.
"ow, >Ah/ :ut I can7t avoid saying it/? our @rgani9ation was out again+ but, now having
grown a bit fro, such childish youths as had, at first stood in its ran-s, a boy, now
a))roaching ,anhood, and a girl, now a young wo,an, could solicit funds with an ability
to tal- -nowingly in favor of any factor that a hanging*bac- contributor could bring u) in
running down such a )ro)osition. 0ou can always count on finding that class in any city
or town u)on any occasion for )ublic wor-s+ but I can )roudly say that ,any saw good in
our @rgani9ation7s )lan+ and Bucy soon found that out, in @ld Bady Clanagan.
3Whoo)s/ A 9oo, is it6 And )ray, )hwat can7t thot cra9y Gadsby thin- u)6 If our big $ayor
had four sich bys as I brought into this woild+ worra, worra/ his )arlor, halls, dinin7 roo,
an bac- yard7d furnish hi, wid a 9oo, all right/ Wid two always a*scra))in7 about a ball
bat or a sling shot+ a brat continually a*bawlin7 about nuthin7+ an7 a baby wid whoo)in7
cough, I -now )hwat a 9oo is, widout goin7 to 'ity (ar- to gaw- at a indigo baboon, or a
)in- to, cat.4
3:ut,4 said Bucy, trying hard not to laugh+ 3$ayor Gadsby isn7t thin-ing of )utting in )in-
to, cats, nor any -ind of to, cats in this 9oo. It is for only wild ani,als.4
3WIBI// &ay, if you could loo- into ,y bac- door as @ld $an Clanagan 1uits wor-, an
brings bac- a load o7 grog, you7d find thot you had wild ani,als roight in this town, all
roight, all roight.4
:ut, as on so ,any occasions, this char,ing girl got a contribution, with @ld Bady
Clanagan calling out fro, a front window:*
3Good luc-, Bucy darlin7/ I7, sorry I was so do, cran-y/4
:ut though )o)ular o)inion was in favor of having a 9oo, )o)ular o)inion didn7t hand in
donations to within four thousand dollars of what it would cost to install+ and Gadsby and
his 3gang4 had to do a bit of brain rac-ing, so as not to disa))oint lots of good fol-s who
had )aid in. Cinally, &arah 0oung thought of a rich wo,an living Just across fro, 'ity
(ar-. his wo,an, Bady &tandish, was of that -ind, loving dis)osition which would bring
in a cold, hungry, lost )u), or cat, and fill it u) with hot food and ,il-. :ranton !ills -ids
could bring any -ind of a hurt or sic- ani,al or bird+ and &arah had long -nown that that
bac- yard was, actually, a s,all 9oo, anyway+ with dogs, cats, )oultry, two robins too
young to fly, four s)arrows and a canary, al,ost bald. &arah thought that any wo,an,
loving ani,als as Bady &tandish did, ,ight Just thrill at having a big 9oo*ful right at hand.
&o, saying, 3I7ll go and find out, right now4, was off as an arrow fro, a bow. As soon as
this -indly wo,an found out what was on &arah7s ,ind, our young solicitor got a loving
-iss, with:2 3A 9oo/ @h/ how truly char,ing/ What grand things $ayor Gadsby can thin-
u) without half trying/4 And &arah had to grin, thin-ing of Bucy, and @ld Bady Clanagan7s
o)inion of !is !onor/ 30ou ,ay not -now it, &arah,4 said Bady &tandish, 3but Fohn
Gadsby and I had a big flirtation, way bac- in our school days. And !@W downcast )oor
Fohnny was at ,y finding a husband out of town/ :ut that was long, long ago, darling. &o,
Just to sort of )acify ,y old )al, Fohn, I7ll gladly )ut u) your ,issing four thousand+ and
you go to !is !onor and say that I wish hi, all sorts of good luc- with this )lan.4
"ow, @ly,)ic cha,)ions ,ust train continuously, but, custo,arily, in gy,nasiu,s. :ut
today, fol-s in :ranton !ills7 sho))ing district had to turn and gas)+ for a young wo,an
was s)rinting wildly toward 'ity !all+ for &arah was in a hurry. Gadsby was Just co,ing
out, as this girl, as badly blown as Bucy was in as-ing for a 9oo, ran u), calling out:* 3I
G@ I// I G@ I//4
3Got what6 A fit64
3"o/ I got that final four thousand dollars/ It7s fro, Bady &tandish, who says that way
bac- in school days, you and24
3Whoa// hat was bac- in history64 but Gadsby was blushing, and &arah was win-ing,
coyly.
"ow Gadsby was as fond of his @rgani9ation boys and girls as of his own+ and &arah was
so radiantly ha))y that all !is !onor could say was:2
3$y, now, &arah/ hat7s ,ighty good wor-/ And as I told Bucy I7d call our 9oo Bucy Koo
for thin-ing of it, I7ll find a way to honor you, too. Aha/ I7ll )ut u) a big arch, through
which all visitors ,ust )ass, and call it 8&arah 0oung7s #ainbow Arch.7 !ow7s that64
"ow &arah had a bit of natural wit+ so 1uic-ly said:*
3hat7s Just grand if you7ll bury that fa,ous )ot of gold at its foot, so I can dig it u)/4
VII E;D;;H
"@W !A A Koo was actually on its way, Gadsby had to call in various grou)s to tal-
about what a Koo should contain. "ow, you -now that all ani,als can7t find roo, in this
orthogra)hically odd story+ so, if you visit Bucy Koo, you7ll ,iss a custo,ary inhabitant,
or two. :ut you7ll find an array worthy of your tri). &o a call was )ut in two big daily
Journals, as-ing for bids on ani,als and birds+ and soon, fro, north, south and criss*cross
)oints, a hunting )arty or a city with too ,any 9oo ani,als on hand got in touch with
:ranton !ills, with )ro)osals for all -inds of ani,als, fro, -angaroos to bats+ and our
@rgani9ation had a lot of fun )lanning how ,any it could crowd into 'ity (ar-, without
crowding out visitors. Cinally a ballot )ut Bucy7s 9oological )o)ulation as follows:2
Cirst, according to Bucy, 3an awfully, AWC%BB0 big hi))o)ota,us, with a )ool for its
co,fort+4 a ya-, caribou, walrus, >also with a )ool,? a long fo5*run, bisons, gnus, stags, >it
was a stag, you -now, that got this 9oo )lan going/?, alligators, ,ountain lions, African
lions, wild cats, wild boars, lla,as, gorillas, baboons, orang*outangs, ,andrils+ and,
according to Gadsby7s boys, a 3big gang4 of that a,using, tiny ,i,ic always found
acco,)anying hand*organs. Also an aviary, containing condors, bu99ards, )arrots, ibis,
,acaws, adJutant birds, stor-s, owls, 1uail, falcons, tiny hu,,ing birds, a s)rin-ling of
haw-s, ,oc-ing birds, swans, fancy duc-s, toucans+ and a host of s,all singing birds+ and
oh/ without fail, an ostrich fa,ily+ and, last, but ,ost i,)ortant of all, a big first cousin of
old Fu,bo/ A big glass building would hold boa constrictors, )ythons, cobras, li9ards, and
so forth+ and down in bac- of all this, an outdoor a1uariu,, full of goldfish, rainbow trout,
various fancy fish and blosso,ing a1uatic )lants. All in all it would furnish a ,ighty
a,using and )o)ular s)ot which would draw lots of out*of*town visitors+ and visitors,
you -now, ,ight turn into inhabitants/ And so things finally got around to Inauguration
Iay+ and, -nowing that no -id could sit still in school on such an occasion, it was )ut
down for a &aturday+ and, so ,any ha))y, shouting, ho))ing, Ju,)ing -ids stood waiting
for !is !onor to cut a satin ribbon in front of &arah 0oung7s #ainbow Arch, that grown
fol-s had to wait, four bloc-s bac-. As Gadsby was roa,ing around with Bucy, to find if
things should start ,oving, old (at #yan, fro, :ranton !ills7 railway station, was hunting
for hi,+ finally locating hi, in a lunch roo,, and rushing in with:2
3&ay/ hat big ho)*s-i)*and*Ju,) artist is down in ,y trun- roo,/ I got a )unch on ,y
Jaw, a crac- on ,y snout, and a -ic- on ,y shins a*tryin7 to cal, hi, down/4
3A -ic- and a )unch6 What actions/4 said Gadsby. 3I don7t -now of any ho)*s-i)*and*
Ju,) artist. !ow big a ,an is it64
3Worra, worra/ It ain7t no ,an at all, at all/ It7s that thing what grows in Australia, and24
:ut Bucy saw light right off+ and 3laughing fit to -ill,4 said
3@h, ho, ho// I -now/ It7s that bo5ing -angaroo you bought fro, :arnu,7s circus/4 and a
char,ing girl was doubling u) in a wild stor, of giggling, ignoring old (at7s scowls.
3Ah/ hat7s hi,, all right,4 said Gadsby. 3&o, (at, Just )ut hi, in a burla) bag and shi) hi,
to this 9oo.4
3Who6 I )ut hi, in a burla) bag6 &ay, boss/ If I can )ic- u) about si5 hus-y guys around
that station+ and if I can find a canvas, not a burla), bag+ and )ut on a gas ,as-, a sto,ach
)ad, two shin*guards, and24
:ut that crowd at &arah7s Arch was shouting for Gadsby to cut that ribbon so old (at had
to bag that Australian tornado+ and in a way that would not hurt hi,+ for -angaroo actors
cost good cash, you -now.
&o that crowd of -ids got in, at last/ "ow 9oo ani,als can thin-, Just as hu,ans can+ and it
was a,using to watch a )air of boys staring at a )air of orang*outangs+ and a )air of
orang*outangs staring bac- at a )air of boys+ both thin-ing, no doubt, what funny things it
saw/ And, occasionally, both ani,al and boy won a )oint/ "ow if you thin- that only
young fol-s find any fun in going to a 9oo, you )robably don7t go to 9oos ,uch+ for ,any
a big, rotund ca)italist had to laugh at si,ian antics, though, )robably figuring u) Just
how ,uch satisfaction his cash contribution brought hi,. $any a fa,ily wo,an forgot
such things as a finic-y child or burning biscuits. All was ha))y*go*luc-y Joy+ and, at two
o7cloc-, as :ranton !ills7 $unici)al :and, >a )art of Gadsby7s @rgani9ation of 0outh7s
wor-, you -now? struc- u) a bright ,arch, not a glu, )hysiogno,y was found in all that
big )ar-.
Gadsby and Bucy had ,uch curiosity in watching what such crashing ,usic would do to
various ani,als. At first a s)irit a-in to worry had baboons, gorillas, and such, staring
about, as still as so ,any )osts+ until, finding that no har, was co,ing fro, such sounds,
soon too- to cli,bing and swinging again. &tags, ya-s and lla,as did a bit of high*-ic-ing
at first+ Gadsby figuring that dru,s, and not actual ,usic, did it. :ut a lilting walt9ing aria
did not worry any )art of this big 9oo fa,ily+ in fact, a fo5, wolf and Jac-al, in a 1uandary
at first actually lay down, as though ,usic truly 3hath char,s to cal, a wild boso,.4
At Gadsby7s big a1uariu, visitors found not only fun, but o))ortunity for studying ,any
a -ind of fish not ordinarily found in frying )ans+ and, though in ,any lands, snails for,
a )o)ular food, Bucy, &arah and Virginia )ut on furious scowls at a grou) of boys who
thought 3&nails ,ight go good, with a nut*)ic- handy.4 >:ut boys always will say things
to horrify girls, you -now.? And u)on co,ing to that big glass building, with its boa
constrictors, alligators, li9ards and so on, a boy grinningly 3got a girl7s goat4 by wanting to
-iss a fifty*foot anaconda+ causing Bucy to say, haughtily, that 3"o boy, wanting to -iss
such horrid, wriggly things can -iss us :ranton !ills girls.4 >Good for you, Bucy/ I7d )ass
u) a si5ty*foot anaconda, any day, for you.?
In following ,onths ,any a school class was shown through our 9oo7s fascinating )aths,
as instructors told of this or that ani,al7s habits and natural haunts+ and showing that it
was as worthy of sy,)athy, if ill, as any hu,an. And not only did such )u)ils obtain
-indly thoughts for 9oo ani,als, but cats, dogs and all -inds of far, stoc- soon found that
things had an unco,,on loo-, through a dro))ing off in scoldings and whi))ings, and
ra)idly i,)roving living conditions. :ut ,ost i,)ortant of all was word fro, an ugly,
hard*loo-ing wo,an, who, watching, with an a)ologi9ing sniff, a floc- of ha))y birds,
said:*
3I7, sorry that I always sla) and bawl out ,y -ids so ,uch, for I -now, now, that -ids or
ani,als won7t do as you wish if you sna) and growl too ,uch. And I trust that $ayor
Gadsby -nows what a lot of good all his )ublic wor-s do for us.4
"ow this is a ,ost satisfactory and i,)ortant thing to thin- about, for brutality will not,2
cannot,2acco,)lish what a -indly dis)osition will+ and, if fol-s could only -now how
1uic-ly a 3bal-y4 child will, through loving and cuddling, grow into a char,ing, ha))y
youth, ,uch childish gloo, and sorrow would vanish+ for a ,an or wo,an who is ugly to
a child is too low to ran- as highly as a wild ani,al+ for no ani,al will stand, for an
instant, anything a))roaching an attac-, or any for, of har, to its young. :ut what a lot
of tots find sla)s, yan-s and hard words for conditions which do not call for such harsh
tactics/ "o child is naturally ugly or 3cran-y.4 And big, gul)ing sobs, or sad, unha))y
young ,inds, in a tiny body should not occur in any co,,unity of civili9ation.
Adulthood holds ,any an o))ortunity for such conditions. 'hildhood should not.
"ow Just a word about 9oos. $any fol-s thin- that ani,als in a 9oo -now no co,forts+
nothing but constant fright fro, living in ca)tivity. &uch fol-s do not sto) to thin- of a
thing or two about an ani,al7s wild condition. Wild ani,als ,ust not only constantly
hunt for food, but invariably fight to -ill it and to hold it, too+ for, in such a fight, a big
antagonist will naturally win fro, a s,all individual. hus, what food is found, is also
lost+ and hunting ,ust go on, day by day, or night by night until a tragic cli,a52by thirst
or starvation. :ut in a 9oo, food is brought daily, with facility for drin-ing, and laid right
in front of hoofs, )aws or bills. Cor s,all ani,als, roofs and thic- walls ward off cold
winds and rain+ and so, days of cal, inactivity, daily na)s without worrying about attac-+
and a carting away of all rubbish and filth soon )uts a 9oo ani,al in bodily for, which
has no co,)arison with its wild condition. Bac- of roo, in which to cli,b, roa, or )lay,
,ay bring a 9oo ani,al to that condition -nown as 3soft4+ but, as it now has no call for
vigor, and its fighting )assions find no o))ortunity for dis)lay, such an ani,al is
gradually a))roaching that condition which has brought $an, who is only an ani,al,
anyway, to his lofty )oint in "atural !istory, today. ruly, with such tribulations, worry,
and hard wor- as $an )uts u) with to obtain his food and lodging, a 9oo ani,al, if it
could only -now of our daily grind, would co,fortably yawn, than-ful that $an is so
-indly loo-ing out for it. With si,ilar ani,als all around it, and, day by day, Just a ha))y
growth fro, cub*hood to ,aturity, I al,ost wish that I was a 9oo ani,al, with no boss to
growl about ,y not showing u), ,ornings, at a custo,ary hour/
VIII Eo August ;D;;H
"@W, A& @%# @rgani9ation of 0outh is ra)idly growing u), a young crowd, too young to
Join it at first, is co,ing u)+ i,bibing its 3why*not*do*it*now64 s)irit. &o, as Gadsby stood
in front of that big $unici)al Auditoriu, >which that grou), you -now, had had built?,
$arian !o)-ins, a s,all girl, in )assing by, saw hi,, and said
3I thin- :ranton !ills ought to buy a balloon.4
3:alloon6 :alloon6 What would this city do with a balloon6 (ut a string on it so you could
run around with it64
3"o, not that -ind of a balloon, but that big, 9oo,ing -ind that sails way u) high, with a
,an in it.4
3@h/ !a, ha/ 0ou thin- an aircraft is a balloon/ :ut what would2Aha/ An air)ort64
3%h*huh+ but I didn7t -now how to say it.4
3It7s crac-y/4 said !is !onor. 3I thought this town was about through i,)roving. :ut an
air)ort would add a bit to it+ now wouldn7t it64
$arian had a ,ost )rofound o)inion that it would+ >if )rofound o)inions grow in such
s,all -ids/? so both too- a wal- to 'ity !all to hunt u) a 'ouncil,an or two. Cinding four
in a 'ouncil roo,, Gadsby said
30outh, or, I should say, childhood, has Just shown that :ranton !ills is shy on a ,ost
i,)ortant ac1uisition,4 and @ld :ill &i,)-ins Just had to blurt out:2 3And, naturally, it
calls for cash/ 'A&!/
'A&!/ 'A&!// What will this town a,ount to if it blows in dollars so fast64
3And,4 said Gadsby, 3what will it a,ount to, if it don7t64
hat )ut a gag on @ld :ill. 'ouncil,an :an-s, though, was curious to -now about
$arian7s )ro)osition, saying:2 3It is )robably a )lan for buying 'hrist,as toys for all
:ranton !ills -ids.4
:ut tiny $arian, with a vigorous sta,) of a tiny foot, swung right bac- with:2 3"@, &I#//
&anta 'laus will bring us our gifts/ :ut I thought of having a2what did you call it, $ayor
Gadsby64
3his child thin-s :ranton !ills should build an air)ort, and I thin- so, too. If our
inhabitants, such as this tot, can thin- u) such things, all adults should )ac- u), and
vanish fro, ,unici)al affairs. All right, $arian+ our 'ity 'ouncil, your 'ity 'ouncil, ,y
young )atriot, will loo- into this air)ort )lan for you.4
&o, as on si,ilar occasions ,onths ago, word that land was again cro))ing u) in Gadsby7s
,ind, brought out a flood of landlords with vacant lots, all loo-ing forward to dis)osing
of a du,) worth two dollars and a half, for fifty thousand. "ow an air)ort ,ust occu)y a
vast lot of land, so cannot stand right in a 'ity7s sho))ing district+ but finally a big tract
was bought, and right in bac- of tiny $arian7s bac- yard/ Instantly, 'ity !all was full of
a))licants for flying :ranton !ills7 first aircraft. o Gadsby7s Joy, a,ongst that bunch was
!arold ho,)son, an old @rgani9ation lad, who was -nown around town as a cha) who
could do about anything calling for brains. As an air)ort is not laid out in a day, !arold
got busy with )aid aviators and soon was )iloting a craft without aid+ and not only
:ranton !ills fol-s, but old aviators, saw in !arold, a 3bird*,an4 of no s,all ability. And
so tiny $arian7s 3vision4 was a fact+ Just as 3big girl4 Bucy7s Koo+ and, as with all big 'ity
affairs, an Inauguration should start it off. "ow, on all such affairs you always find a
3visitor of honor4+ and on this grand day Gadsby couldn7t thin- of anybody for that
i,)ortant )ost but $arian. And, as it would occur in August, any day would do, as that is
a school vacation ,onth.
And what a ,ob stood, or sat, on that big air)ort, waiting for a signal fro, young $arian
which would start !arold aloft, on :ranton !ills7 initial flight/ Al,ost all brought a lunch
and ca,)*stools or folding chairs+ and, as it was a hot day, thousands of gay )arasols, and
an array of bright clothing on our school*girls, had that big lot loo-ing as brilliant as a
florist7s window at 'hrist,as.
@ur young visitor of honor was all agog with Joy+ and, I thin-, )ossibly a touch of vanity+
for what child wouldn7t thrill with thousands watching6 :ut though $arian had always
had good clothing, co,ing fro, a fa,ily who could afford it, no tot, in all history, had so
glorious an outfit as that which about all :ranton !ills7 )o)ulation saw on that )latfor,,
a,idst flags, bunting and our big $unici)al :and. As an airshi) is a si,ulation of a bird+
and as a bird, to a child, is not far fro, a fairy, $arian had gaudy fairy wings, a radiant
cloa- of gold, a s)ar-ling gown all aglow with twin-ling stars, and a long glass wand,
with a star at its to). As soon as all was in condition Gadsby told $arian to stand u). his
brought that vast crowd u), also+ and Gadsby said:*
3"ow hold your wand way u) high, and swing it, to signal !arold to start.4
%) shot a tiny ar,+ and !arold, watching fro, his coc-)it, sang out:*
3'@"A'//4
A vigorous twist of his shi)7s gigantic 3fan4, a shout, a roar, a whi99, a ,ighty cloud of
dust, and a,id a tornado of cla))ing, shouts, and band ,usic, :ranton !ills was )ut on
aviation7s ,a). Way, way u), so far as to loo- as s,all as a toy, !arold )ut on a show of
ban-ing, rolling and diving, which told Gadsby that, still again, had :ranton !ills found
)rofit in what its @rgani9ation of 0outh, and, now, its s,all -ids, had to say about
i,)roving a town.
Iuring that bo5*lunch )icnic, ,any of our 3big girls4 brought so ,uch food to $arian
that Iad and $a had to stand guard against tu,,y )ains. And what a glorious, Jolly
occasion that )icnic was/ Gay band ,usic, songs, dancing, oratory+ and a grand all*round
3howdy4 a,ongst old inhabitants and arriving tourists soon was transfor,ing that big
crowd into a ha))y grou), such as it is hard to find, today, in any big city: cold, distant,
and with no thought by its )oliticians for anybody in it+ and Gadsby found, around that
big air)ort, ,any a ,an, wo,an and child who was as )roud of hi, as was his own
fa,ily.
N E;D;; or ;D;AH
I !I"L !A now you should -now this char,ing Gadsby fa,ily+ so I will bring forth
Bady Gadsby, about who, I told you at Gadsby7s inauguration as $ayor+ a loyal church
wo,an with a vocal ability for choir wor-+ and, with good ca)ability on )iano or organ,
no wo,an could 3fill in4 in so ,any ways+ and no wo,an was so willing, and 1uic- to do
so. Gadsby had two sons+ bright lads and )o)ular with all. Fulius was of a studious turn of
,ind, always )oring through boo-s of infor,ation+ caring not what -ind of infor,ation it
was, so long as it was infor,ation, and not fiction. Gadsby had thought of his growing u)
as a school instructor, for no wor- is so worthy as i,)arting what you -now to any who
long to study. :ut Willia,/ @h, hu,// @ur $ayor and Bady Gadsby didn7t -now Just what
to do with hi,+ for all his thoughts clung around girls and fashions in clothing: (robably
our !igh &chool didn7t contain a girl who didn7t thin- that, at no distant day, :ill Gadsby
would turn, fro, a callow youth, into a 3big catch4 husband+ for a $ayor7s son in so
i,)ortant a city as ours was a ,ar- for any girl to shoot at. :ut :ill was not of a ,arrying
dis)osition+ loving girls Just as girls, but holding out no hand to any in )articular. Always
in first class togs, without ,issing a solitary fad which a young ,an should ado)t,
Gadsby7s :ill was a lion, in his own right, with no girl in sight who had that tact through
which a lasso could land around his ,anly throat. Gadsby had ,any a laugh, loo-ing
bac- at his own boyhood days, his various flirtations, and such wild, throbbing
)al)itations as a boy7s flirtations can instill+ and loo-ing bac- through Just such ogling
grou)s as now sought his offs)ring+ until a girl, oh, so long ago, had )ut a sto) to all such
flirtations, and got that lasso on 3with a strangling hold,4 as Gadsby says+ and it is still on,
today/ :ut this fa,ily was not all boys. @h, ,y, no/ wo girls also sat around that fa,ily
board. Cirst, following Willia,, was "ancy, who, as Gadsby laughingly said, 3didn7t -now
how to grow+4 and now, in !igh &chool, was 3about as big as a )int of ,il-+4 and of such
outstanding char, that Gadsby continually got solicitations to allow )hotogra)hing for
soft*drin- and si,ilar billboard dis)lays.
3"o, sir// "ot for any sort of )ay// In allowing )ublic distribution of a girl7s )hoto you
don7t -now into what situations said )hotos will land. I find, daily, )hotogra)hs of girls
blowing about vacant lots, all soggy fro, rains+ also in a ditch, with its custo,ary filth+ or
stuc- u) on a bric- wall or drawn onto an i,aginary body showing a brand of tights or
)aJa,as. "o, sir// "ot for ,y girl//4
Courth in this )o)ular fa,ily was Lathlyn, of what is -nown as a 3classical ,old+4 with a
brain which, at no distant day, will ran- high in :iology and $icrosco)y+ for Lathlyn was
of that sort which finds fascination in studying out ,any whats and whys a,ongst that
vast array of facts about our origin. his study, which too ,any young fol-s avoid as not
having )ractical worth had a strong hold on Lathlyn, who could not sanction such
frivolous occu)ations as cards, dancing, or )lain school gossi). "ot for an instant/ Lathlyn
thought that such fol-s had no thoughts for anything but transitory thrills. :ut in :iology//
Ah// Why not study it, and find out how a tiny, ,icrosco)ic dro) of )roto)las,, can,
through un-nown laws grow into living organis,s, which can not only go on living, but
can also bring forth offs)ring of its -ind6 And not only that. As said offs)ring ,ust
co,bat various -inds of surroundings and try various foods, why not watch odd
variations occur, and follow along, until you find an ani,al, bird, )lant or bug of such a
total dissi,ilarity as to for, )ractically, a class actually a)art fro, its original for,6
Lathlyn did Just that+ and Gadsby was )roud of it+ and, I thin-, Just a bit curious on his
own )art as to occasional illustrations in this studious young lady7s school boo-s/
"ow it is -nown by all such natural 3faddists4 that any such a study has )oints in
co,,on with a branch a-in to it+ and Lathlyn was not long in finding out that :iology,
with its facts of ani,al origin, could a))ly to a )ractical control of bugs on far,s. >his
word, 3bugs,4 is hardly :iological+ but as Lathlyn is in this story, with its strict
orthogra)hical taboo, 3bugs4 ,ust unavoidably su))lant any classical no,ination for
such things.?
&o, $ayor Gadsby sought :ranton !ills7 'ouncil7s a))roval for a goodly su,+ not only for
such control, but also for study as to how to )lant, in ordinary soil, and not ris- losing half
a cro) fro, wor,s, slugs and our aw-wardly*brought*in 3bugs.4 his a))ro)riation was
a sort of )rod, showing this 'ouncil that )ublicity of any first*class -ind was good for a
city+ and was casting about for anything which would so act, until Gadsby7s son, :ill,
>who, you -now, thought of nothing but girls and 3dolling u),4? found that :ranton !ills
had no distinction of its own in outfits for ,an or wo,an, so why not )ut u) a goal of, say
fifty dollars, for anybody who could thin- u) any worthy 3stunt4 in clothing+ which
should go out as 3:ranton !ills7 his4 or 3:ranton !ills7 hat.4 (ossibly Just a for, of hat*
bri,, a cut of coat*front, or a s)orting outfit. And our worthy 'ouncil did )ut u) that goal,
and ,any brought all sorts of )lans to 'ity !all. And :ill won, by thin-ing u) a girls7
>always girls, with :ill/? hi-ing outfit, consisting of a s-irt with a rain*)roof lining, which
could, during a stor,, for, a rain*suit by )utting it on, as :ill said, 3by substituting
outwards for inwards.4 >his will hit :ill a,usingly, as days go by/? Going with it was a
shirt with a si,ilar 3turn*out4 facility, and a hi-ing boot with high to)s as guards against
thorns and burs+ but which, by undoing a clas), would sli) off+ and, B@// you had a low*
cut @5ford for ordinary occasions/ In about a ,onth a big cotton ,ill had wor- going full
blast on 3:ranton !ills7 urn*it*out &)ort and !i-ing @utfit,4 and a s,all boot*sho) got
out a )air of :ill7s 3two*)art boots,4 though saying that it would 3)robably fall a)art
without warning/4 :ut Lathlyn )ut on a )air and found it ,ost satisfactory for a long,
rough hill*cli,b, hunting for bird and ani,al for,s for :iological study. his )roof of
:ranton !ills7 goods was soon -nown in surrounding towns, and that critical boot*sho)
and big cotton ,ill had hard wor- to fill calls fro, 'anada, !olland, #ussia, &)ain and
Australia/ And :ill was )ut u)on :ranton !ills7 #oll of !onor.
N EAugust ;D;AH
"@W I7BB I#@( civic affairs for a bit, and go on to a ,ost natural act in this city of ,any
young cha)s and char,ing young girls which was slowly wor-ing u) all through this
history, as $ayor Gadsby had occasion to find out, sitting co,fortably on his )orch on a
hot, sultry August night. A,idst blosso,ing shrubs, a di, for, slowly trod u) his
winding )athway. It was a young ,an, )lainly trying to act cal,ly, but couldn7t. It was
Cran- $organ, our radio broadcasting 3boss4, you -now, who, for ,any a ,onth, had
shown what a ro,antic )ublic calls 3a crush4 for Gadsby7s young "ancy.
&o a Jolly call of:23What7s on your ,ind, boy64 rang out, as Cran- san- willingly into a
ha,,oc-, wi)ing his brow of what I actually -now was not natural hu,idity fro, an
August night/ "ow Gadsby, who was, as I said, a gay Bothario in his own youth, saw right
off what was co,ing, and sat bac-, waiting. Cinally, finishing a bad attac- of coughing,
>though Cran- hadn7t any cold/?, that young ,an said:2 3I,2that is, "ancy and I,2or, I
will say that I want to,2that is,2I thin- "ancy and I would24 and Gadsby too- )ity on
hi,, right off.
"ancy had always had a strong li-ing for Cran-. :oth had grown u) in :ranton !ills fro,
babyhood+ and Gadsby thought bac- about that lassoo which had brought hi, Bady
Gadsby. "ow as-ing a girl7s Iad for that young lady7s hand is no sna) for any young
swain+ and Gadsby was Just that -ind of a Iad who would s,ooth out any bu,)s or
rough s)ots in such a young swain7s )ath. "ancy wasn7t a child, now, but a grown*u)
young wo,an: so Gadsby said:2 3Cran-, Bady Gadsby and I -now all about how ,uch
you thin- of "ancy+ and what "ancy thin-s of you. &o, if you want to ,arry, our full wish
is for a long and ha))y union. "ancy is out in that arbor, down this bac- )ath+ and I7ll
watch that nobody disturbs you two for an hour.4
At this grand turn of affairs, Cran- could only gas):23@!2!2!//4 and a shadowy for,
shot down that dus-y )ath+ and fro, that ,oonlit arbor, anybody -nowing how a ,an
chir)s to a canary bird, would -now that two young birds )ut a binding a))roval u)on
what !is !onor had Just said//
$any a ,an has -nown that startling instant in which Ian 'u)id, that busy young rascal,
too- things in hand, and told hi, that his baby girl was not a baby girl now, and was
about to fly away fro, hi,. It is both a ha))y and a sad thrill that shoots through a ,an
at such an instant. !a))y and Joyous at his girl7s arrival at ,aturity+ sad, as it brings to
,ind that aw-ward fact that his own youth is now but a ,yth+ and that his scal) is
showing vacant s)ots. !is baby girl in a bridal gown/ !is baby girl a $atron/ !is baby girl
)roudly )lacing a grandchild in his la)// It7s an i,)ossibility// :ut this big world is full of
this -ind of i,)ossibility, and will stay so as long as $an lasts.
&o "ancy, tiny, ha))y, laughing "ancy, was 3found4 through a cons)iracy by Ian 'u)id
and Cran- $organ+ and right in all glory of youth. 0outh// Ah, what a word// And how
transitory/ :ut, how grand/ as long as it lasts. !ow ,any ,illions in gold would )our out
for an ability to call it all bac-, as with our ,usical ,yth, Caust. Iuring that ,agic )art of
a child7s growth this world is Just a gigantic in1uiry bo5, containing ,any a to)ic for
which a solution is )ara,ount to a growing ,ind. And to who, can a child loo-, but us
adults6 Any ,an who 3can7t sto) now4 to tal- with a child u)on a to)ic which, to hi, is
3too silly for anything,4 should loo- bac- to that day u)on which that to)ic was dar- and
dubious in his own brain. A child who as-s nothing will -now nothing. hat is why that
3bu,) of in1uiry4 was )ut on to) of our s-ulls.
NI EA)ril and $ay ;D;<H
:% @ G@ :A'L @ "ancy. It was in August that Cran- had stu,blingly told Gadsby
of his troth+ and so, along in A)ril, :ranton !ills was told that a grand church ritual would
occur in $ay. $ay, with its blosso,s, birds and bal,y air/ An idyllic ,onth for
,atri,ony. I wish that I could call this grand church affair by its co,,on, custo,ary
no,ination+ but that word can7t )ossibly crowd into this story. It ,ust )ass si,)ly as a
church ritual.
All right+ so far, so good. &o, along into A)ril all :ranton !ills was agog, awaiting
infor,ation as to that actual day+ or, I should say, night.
Gadsby7s old @rgani9ation of 0outh was still as loyal to all in it as it was, way bac- in days
of its for,ation+ days of al,ost constantly running around town, soliciting funds for ,any
a good $unici)al activity. Cinally this grou) got cards announcing that on $ay Courth,
:ranton !ills7 Cirst 'hurch would ad,it all who ,ight wish to aid in starting "ancy and
Cran- u)on that gla,orous )ath to ,atri,onial bliss.
$ay Courth was )unctual in arriving+ though ,any a young girl got into that flighty
condition in which a ,onth drags along as though in irons, and cloc-*hands loo- as if
stuc- fast. :ut to ,any girls, also, $ay Courth was not any too far away+ for char,ing
gowns and dainty hats do not grow u)on shrubs, you -now+ and girls who wor- all day
,ust hurry at night, at ,ani)ulating a thousand or so things which go towards adorning
our girls of today.
"ow, an a))roach to a young girl7s 3big day4 is not always as that girl ,ight wish. &,all
things bob u), which, at first, loo- actually disastrous for a Joyous occasion+ and for "ancy
and Cran-, Just such a thing did bob u)+ for, on $ay hird, a )ouring rain and whistling
wind )ut :ranton !ills7 s)irits way, way down into a sorrowful slu,). :lac-, ugly,
ru,bling clouds hung aggravatingly about in a saturation of ,ist, rain and fog+ and roads
and lawns got such a washing that "ancy said:2 3Anyway, if I can7t wal- across that front
church yard, I can swi, it//4
hat was "ancy+ a s,all bunch of inborn good hu,or+ and I7ll say, right now, that it too-
good hu,or, and lots of it, to loo- u)on conditions out of your control, with such
outstanding )luc-/
:ut young Ian 'u)id was still around, and got in touch with that tyrannical ,ythological
god who controls stor,s+ and )ut forth such a convincing account of all "ancy7s good
)oints, >and Cran-7s too, if anybody should as- you? that a co,,and rang out across a
stor,y s-y:2 3'alling all clouds// 'alling all clouds//
All rain to sto) at ,idnight of $ay hird/ :right &un on $ay Courth, and no wind/4
&o, as "ancy too- an an5ious s1uint out of doors at about si5 o7cloc- on that i,)ortant
,orning, >and what young girl could go on, cal,ly snoo9ing on such a day6? Bo// @ld &ol
was s,iling brightly down on :ranton !ills+ birds sang+ all sorts of blosso,ing things had
had a good drin-+ and a ,ost glorious s-y, rid of all ugly clouds, )ut our young lady into
such a ha))y ,ood that it too- a lot of control to avoid Just a tiny bit of hu,idity around a
s,all )air of rich, brown orbs which always had that vibrating, dancing light of ha))y
youth+ that ,iraculous 3Joy of living.4
And, what a circus was soon going full tilt in $ayor Gadsby7s ,ansion/ If that ha))y ,an
so ,uch as said:*
3"ow, I24 a grand, wo,anly chorus told hi, that 3a ,an don7t -now anything about
such affairs+4 and that a ,ost satisfactory s)ot for hi, was in a ha,,oc- on his )orch,
with a good cigar/ hat7s it/ A ,an is no,inally ,onarch in his own fa,ily+ but only so on
that outstanding day u)on which a bridal gown is laid out in all its glory on his )arlor
sofa, and a s,all ,ob of girls, and occasionally a wo,an or two, is rushing in and out, u)
and down stairs, and finding as ,uch to do as a co,,only -nown ,icrosco)ic 3bug4 of
)rodigious ho))ing ability finds at a dog show. #ush/ rush/ rush/ A thousand thoughts
and a ,illion words, >this crowd was all girls, you -now/? ,a-ing that )arlor as noisy as a
saw ,ill/ :ut Gadsby laughingly staid out of it all, watching big ar,fuls of bloo, and
,any a curious loo-ing bo5 go in through that front door+ flying hands ra)idly untying
glorious ribbon wra))ings.
"ow, u)on all such occasions you will find, if you snoo) around in dining roo, or )antry,
an astonishing loaf of culinary art, all fancy frosting, and chuc- full of raisins and citron,
which is always cut u)on such an aus)icious occasion+ and it is as hard to avoid na,ing it,
in this story, as it is to withstand its assault u)on your sto,ach.
@h hu,/ "ow what6 Aha/ $ay Courth, lasting, as "ancy said, 3for about a ,illion
,onths,4 finally got Gadsby7s dining roo, cloc- around to si5*fifty+ only about an hour,
now, to that grand ,arch )ast )ractically half of :ranton !ills7 )o)ulation+ for all who
couldn7t Ja, into that co,,odious church would stand around in a solid )halan5,
bloc-ing all traffic in that )art of town+ for all :ranton !ills was fond of its $ayor7s 3baby
girl.4
:ut, during this rush and hubbub, how about Cran-6 (oor boy/ "ow, if you thin- that a
young lad at such an instant is as cal, as a ,ill)ond, you don7t -now ro,antic 0outh,
that7s all. About forty of Gadsby7s old @rgani9ation boys, now ,any young cha)s, had
bought hi, a car, which "ancy was not to -now anything about until that throwing of old
boots, and what is also custo,ary, had 1uit. Cran- didn7t want to hold it bac- fro, "ancy,
but what can a cha) do, against forty6 Also, last night, at a big 3so sorry, old cha)4 )arty,
Cran- had found how loyal a bunch of old )als can turn out+ and this 3grand launching
into ,atri,onial doubt4 had )ut hi, in a ha))y ,ood for that all i,)ortant oration of
two words:2
3I do.4
&o now I7ll hurry around to church to find out how "ancy7s @rgani9ation girls )ut in a
long day of hard labor+ not only at floor wor-, but u) on stools and chairs. $y/ $y/ Fust
loo- and gas)// A long chain of lilacs runs fro, door to altar in two rows. And loo- at that
big arch of wistaria and narcissus half way along/ Artificial )al,s stand in curving ran-s
fro, organ to walls+ and, with all lights softly glowing through )in- sil- hoods+ and with
gilt cords outlining an altar*dais of ,oss and s)rays of as)aragus, it is a sight to bring a
thrill to anybody, young or old.
And, now 2 aha// With organist and (astor waiting, a ,ur,ur and hand*cla))ing fro,
that big front door told all who had luc-ily got in that "ancy was co,ing/ It too- thirty
cars to bring that bridal )arty to church+ for not a boy or girl of our old @rgani9ation
would ,iss this occasion for a far,, with a )ig on it with four -in-s in its tail. "ow,
naturally, any girl would long to wal- u) that !oly )ath with "ancy, but too ,any would
s)oil things+ so, by drawing lots, "ancy had for co,)any, &arah 0oung, Bucy Ionaldson,
(riscilla &tandish, Virginia Ada,s, Ioris Fohnson and 'ora Grant+ with Lathlyn as $aid
of !onor, as char,ing an array of youthful glory as you could find in all :ranton !ills.
%ntil this i,)ortant arrival, :ranton !ills7 fa,ous organist, Just )lain Fohn &,ith, was
)laying softly, * 3Fust a &ong at wilight,4 watching for a signal fro, $ayor Gadsby+ and
soon swung into that fa,ous ,arch which brought forth a grand thrill, as tiny, blushing,
)al)itating "ancy too- 3Iad7s4 ar,, ga9ing with shining orbs at that distant2oh, so
distant2altar.
"ow I want to -now why anybody should want to cry on such a grand occasion. What is
sad about it6 :ut ,any a lash was ,oist as that tiny vision of gla,orous )urity slowly
trod that fragrant )athway. (ossibly girls can7t avoid it+ anyway, our :ranton !ills girls
didn7t try to do so.
Gadsby, as has ,any a good old Iad, fought bac- any such showing+ but I won7t say that
his thoughts didn7t nag hi,+ for, giving away your baby girl to any young, though first*
class cha), is not actually fun. :ut that long, long trail finally brought hi, to that ,ossy
dais, at which Cran-, co,ing in through a handy door, stood waiting. "ancy was as cal,
as a wa5 doll+ but Cran- stood sha-ing with a ,ost annoying cough >of i,aginary origin/?
as (astor :rown stood, boo- in hand. "ow I won7t go through with all that was said+ nor
say anything about "ancy7s tiny, war,, soft hand as it was )ut in Cran-7s big clu,sy fist
by (astor :rown. "or about that first !oly -iss+ nor that long, ,ighty roar of organ ,usic,
as our ha))y, blushing )air trod that long )athway, door*wards. 0ou -now all about it,
anyway, as ,ost such rituals follow a standard custo,. "or shall I go into that ha))y hour
at !is !onor7s ,ansion, during which that fancy loaf of frosting, raisins and citron was
cut+ >and which ,any a girl )ut in a )illow that night/?+ nor of that big bridal bunch of
blosso,s, which was thrown fro, a stairway into a ha))y grou) of ho))ing, Ju,)ing,
laughing girls. >:ut I will say,2shhhh/ that Lathlyn caught it/?+ nor anything of "ancy and
Cran-7s thrilling tri) to :ranton !ills7 big railway station, in that gift car which "ancy
thought was a -ing7s chariot+ nor of a grand, low bow by old (at #yan of that station7s
trun- roo,. It was Just that custo,ary 3All aboard//4 a crowd7s 3!ooray//4 and 3Good
Buc-//4, with :ranton !ills7 $unici)al :and a*blaring, and a ,ighty ,ob shouting and
waving.
NII Eo han-sgiving ;D;<H
@h, hu,/ I7ll turn fro, this ha))y affair now and try to find out what was going on in this
thriving, hustling city. "ow you )robably thin- of a city as a gigantic thing+ for, if you go
u) onto a high hill, and loo- around across that vast array of buildings, )ar-s, roads and
distant suburbs, you not only thin- that it is a gigantic thing, you -now it is. :ut, is it6
Fust sto) and thin- a bit. All such things as bul-, or width, you -now by co,)arison only+
co,)arison with fa,iliar things. &o, Just for fun, go u) in an i,aginary balloon, about half
way to that old $oon, which has hung aloft fro, your birth2>and )ossibly a day or two
in addition?2 and loo- down u)on your 3gigantic4 city. !ow will it loo-6 It is a s,all
)atch of various colors+ but you -now that, within that tiny )atch, ,any thousands of your
-ind hurry bac- and forth+ railway trains crawl out to far*away districts+ and, if you can
)ic- out a grain of dust that stands out di,ly in a glow of sunlight, you ,ay -now that it
is your ,ansion, your cabin or your hut, according to your financial status. "ow, if that
hardly shows u), how about you6 What -ind of a dot would you for, in co,)arison6 0ou
,ust ad,it that your )ast thoughts as to your own )o,)osity will shrin- Just a bit/ All
this shows us that could this big World thin-, it wouldn7t -now that such a thing as $an
was on it. And $an thin-s that his )art in all this unthin-ably vast 'os,os is i,)ortant/
Why, you )oor shri,)/ if this old World wants to twitch Just a bit and -noc- down a city
or two, or s)lit u) a grou) of ,ountains, $an, with all his brain ca)acity, can only clash
wildly about, dodging falling bric-s. "o. 0ou wouldn7t show u) fro, that balloon as
)lainly as an ant, in crawling around our 'a)itol building at Washington.
:ut why all this tal- about our own incons)icuosity6 It is si,)ly brought u) to
acco,)any "ancy7s thoughts as that train shot across country+ for "ancy, until now, had
not -nown anything a))roaching such a tri). &o this ha))y, ha))y tri), bac- u)on which
,any a wo,an loo-s, with a ro,antic thrill, was astounding to such a girl. Cro, :ranton
!ills to &an Crancisco+ a boat to !onolulu, $anila, &hanghai, !ong Long, 'olo,bo, and
finally 'airo. Ah/ 'airo// In thin-ing of it you naturally bring u) two words 23(yra,ids4
and 3&)hin54, words fa,iliar fro, school days. (ractically fro, birth, "ancy, along with
,illions of fol-s, had -nown that fa,ous illustration of a thing half lion and half wo,an+
and a ,ountainous ,ass of ,asonry, built for a -ing7s to,b. &o, standing right in front of
both, "ancy and Cran- got that wondrous thrill co,ing fro, attaining a long, long wish.
Cro, 'airo to Italy, &)ain, Bondon, (aris, and that grand Atlantic sail, landing at :oston,
and hustling by fast train >but how slow it did go//? to :ranton !ills/ &o, along about
han-sgiving Iay, about half of its )o)ulation was again at its big railway station, for
"ancy was co,ing bac-. >And Cran-, too, if anybody should as- you.?
And with that big $unici)al :and a*boo,ing and blaring, and a crowd of our old
@rgani9ation girls )ushing forward, did :ranton !ills loo- good to "ancy6 And did
"ancy loo- good to :ranton !ills. What a glorious tan, fro, days and days on shi)board/
And was that old Atlantic ugly6 As- Cran-, )oor cha), who, as on that big (acific, had
found out Just what a shi)7s rail is for/ And that sto,achs can turn ,ost a,a9ing fli)*flo)s
if an old boat is too fris-y/
In Just an instant, actual count, "ancy was in Bady Gadsby7s ar,s, fighting valiantly to
hold bac- a flood of big, ha))y sobs+ and Cran- was busy, grabbing a cloud of hands
surging towards hi,.
'o,ing bac- fro, a long tri) is a ha))y occasion. And it is also ,ighty good to )ut a
trun- or a bag down, -nowing that it will 3stay )ut4 for a day or two, anyway. hat
constant )ac-ing and un)ac-ing on a long tri), soon turns into an auto,atic function+ and
how "ancy did worry about what trans)ortation custo,s in various lands would do to a
first class trun- which has a ro,antic history, owing to its co,ing as a ,atri,onial gift
fro, a grou) of loving girls. :ut now+ ah/ (ut it away, and your things around, in fa,iliar
dis)osal.
Bong tri)s do bring lots of fun and infor,ation+ but a truly long tri) is tiring, both in body
and ,ind.
:ut "ancy and Cran- won7t stay with Gadsby long+ for, during that tri), a char,ing
bungalow was built on a lot of Gadsby7s, facing 'ity (ar-+ and "ancy )ut in ,any days
arranging things in it. Anybody who has had such Joyful wor- to do, -nows how
assiduously a young )air would go about it+ for two young robins carrying bits of cotton
and string u) to a criss*cross of twigs in a big oa-, with constant soft, loving chir)s, 3had
nothing,4 according to our )o)ular slang, on "ancy and Cran-.
Cinally 3,oving in day4 got around, with that custo,ary )arty, to which you carry a gift
to add to such things as a young husband on only a s,all salary can install. And how gifts
did )our in// #ugs, chairs, s,all stands, urns, cloc-s, )hotos in wall ,ountings, dainty
scarfs >all hand*wor- by our girls in our "ight &chool?, boo-s, la,)s, a 3radio4 fro,
&tation L:!, until, finally, a big truc- found an o))ortunity in that co,ing and going
throng to bac- in and unload an u)right )iano, all satin ribbon wra))ings, with a card
3Cro, :ranton !ills7 $unici)al :and.4
NIII E;D;O and ;D;5H
I '@%BI G@ on for hours about this starting out of "ancy and Cran-, but ,any civic
affairs await us+ for Fulius Gadsby, who has not got into this story u) to now, had, fro, his
constant )oring through all -inds of boo-s of infor,ation, built u) a thorough insight into
fossils+ and you -now that Lathlyn is way u) in :iology+ which brings in our aw-ward
3bugs4 again. "ow bugs will burrow in soil, and always did, fro, !istory7s birth+
building cataco,bs which at last vanish through a )iling u) of roc-s, sand or soil on that
s)ot. "ow Fulius continually ran across accounts of i,)ortant 3finds4 of such fossils, and
with Lathlyn7s aid was soon inaugurating )o)ular cla,or for a big !all of "atural
!istory.
his, Fulius and Lathlyn thought, would turn out as )o)ular, in a way, as living ani,als
out at our Koo. :ut an a))ro)riation for a !all of "atural !istory is a hard thing to Ja,
through a 'ity 'ouncil+ for though its occu)ants call for no food, you can7t ,aintain such a
building without hu,an custody+ 3which,4 said @ld :ill &i,)-ins. 3is but a tric-y way of
saying 'A&!/4 :ut our 'ouncil was by now so fa,iliar with calls fro, that fa,ous
3@rgani9ation4, and, owing to its inborn faith in that grand body of hustling 0outh, such a
building was built+ Fulius and Lathlyn arranging all dis)lays of fossil birds, )lants, 3bugs,4
foot)rints, raindro) ,ar-s, wor,s, s-ulls, )arts of Jaws, and so on. And what a crowd was
on hand for that first )ublic day/ Fulius and Lathlyn too- visitors through various roo,s,
giving ,uch data u)on what was shown+ and ,any a :ranton !ills inhabitant found out a
lot of facts about our vast )ast+ about organis,s living so far bac- in oblivion as to bal-
$an7s brain to gras). Lathlyn stood a,ongst grou)s of botanical fossili9ations, with
Gadsby not far away, as this studious young wo,an told school )u)ils how our co,,on
)lants of today through various transitions in for,, show a -inshi) with what now lay, in
,iraculously good condition, in this big !all+ and Fulius told staring grou)s how this or
that fossil did actually lin- such ani,als as our cow or walrus of today with original for,s
totally a)art, both in loo-s and habits. And it was co,forting to Gadsby to find )u)ils
as-ing how long ago this was, and noting that a,a9ing loo- as Fulius had to say that
nobody -nows.
&uch a building is an addition to any city+ for this big World is so old that hu,an
calculation cannot fatho, it+ and it will, in all )robability, go on always. &o it is i,)roving
a child7s ,ind to visit such dis)lays+ for it will start a train of thoughts along a )ath not
co,,only sought if such institutions do not stand as attractions. "ow, in any co,,unity
a cran- will bob u), who will, with loud acclai, and high*sounding words, avow that it
3is a scandalous drain on )ublic funds to )ut u) such a building Just to show a lot of
roc-s, ani,als7 ribs and birds7 s-ulls.4 :ut such loud bo,basts only show u) an 3orator7s4
brain ca)acity >or lac- of it?, and actually bring studious fol-s to as- for Just such data
u)on things which his ridiculing had run down. It is an old, old story, that if you want a
city7s )o)ulation to go in strongly for anything, and you start a loud, bawling ca,)aign
against it, that )ublic will turn to it for infor,ation as to its worth. &o, Just such a loud,
bawling ,oron had to drift into our !all on its inauguration day, and soon ran s,ac- u)
against Lathlyn/ hat worthy girl, allowing hi, to 3blow off4 a bit, finally said:2 3I -now
you. 0ou run a stoc- far,. All right. 0ou want to -now all you can about ,atching and
crossing your stoc-, don7t you6 I thought so. :ut God did all that, long, oh, so long ago+
gradually )roducing such ani,als as you own today+ and all you can do is to follow along,
in your )uny way, and try to avoid a )oor 1uality of stoc- ,i5ing with yours. his
building contains thousands of God7s first wor-s. It won7t do you a bit of har, to loo-
through our roo,s. "othing will Ju,) out at you/4
At that that bar-ing critic shut u)/ And Gadsby slid outdoors, chuc-ling:2 3hat7s ,y girl
tal-ing// hat7s ,y Lathlyn//4
It is curious why anybody should )ooh*)ooh a study of fossils or various for,s of roc-s or
lava. &uch things grant us our only vision into "atural !istory7s big boo-+ and it isn7t a
boo- in first*class condition. Car fro, it/ Fust a tiny scra)+ a sli)+ or, )ossibly a big chun- is
found, with nothing notifying us as to how it got to that )articular )oint, nor how long
ago. $an can only loo- at it, lift it, ra) it, cut into it, and s1uint at it through a ,agnifying
glass. And,2 thin- about it. hat7s all+ until a for,al study brings acco,)anying thoughts
fro, ,any ,inds+ and, by such tactics, Judging that in all )robability such and such a roc-
or fossil foot)rint is about so old. "atural !istory holds you in its gras) through Just this
i,)ossibility of finding actual facts+ for it is thus causing you to thin-. "ow, thin-ing is
not only a voluntary function+ it is an ac1uisition+ an art. (lants do not thin-. Ani,als
)robably do, but in a )ri,ary way, such as an aid in -nowing )oisonous foods, and how
to bring u) an offs)ring with si,ilar ability. :ut $an can, and should thin-, and thin-
hard and constantly. It is ridiculous to rush blindly into an action without loo-ing forward
to lay out a )lan. &uch an unthin-ing custo, is al,ost a )anic, and )anic is but a ,ild
for, of insanity.
&o Lathlyn and Fulius did a grand, good thing in having this !all as an addition to
:ranton !ills7 institutions.
"ow, in any city or town, or al,ost any s,all co,,unity, you will find a building, or
)ossibly only a roo,, about which said city or town has nothing to say. It is that ,ost
i,)ortant institution in which you )ut a sta,) on your ,ail and dro) it into a slot,
-nowing that it will find its way across city or country to that ,an or wo,an who is
waiting for it.
:ut how ,any young fol-s -now how this ,ail is )ut out so 1uic-ly, and with such
guaranty against loss6 "ot ,any, I thin-, if you as-. &o Gadsby, holding u) 0outh as a
"ation7s ,ost i,)ortant function in its co,ing history, thought that any act which would
instruct a child in any way, was worthy. &o, on a &aturday ,orning !is !onor too- a
grou) of Gra,,ar &chool )u)ils to a balcony in bac- of that all*hiding )artition, and a
)ostal official, showing all ,ail handling acts individually, said:2 3In this country, two
things stand first in ran-: your flag and your ,ail. 0ou all -now what honor you )ay to
your flag, but you should -now, also, that your ,ail, 2 Just that ordinary )ostal card2is
also i,)ortant. :ut a )ostal card, or any for, of ,ail, is not i,)ortant, in that way, until
you dro) it through a slot in this building, and with a sta,) on it, or into a ,ail bo5
outdoors. %) to that instant it is but a co,,on card, which anybody can )ic- u) and carry
off without co,,itting a cri,inal act. :ut as soon as it is in bac- of this )artition, or in a
,ail bo5, a ,agical transfor,ation occurs+ and anybody who now should willfully
)urloin it, or obstruct its tri) in any way, will find )rison doors awaiting hi,. What a frail
thing ordinary ,ail is/ A baby could ri) it a)art, but no adult is so foolish as to do it. hat
s,all sta,) which you stic- on it, is, you ,ight say, a )ostal official, going right along
with it, having it always in his sight.4
A giggling girl was curious to -now if that was why a ,an7s )hoto is on it. 3(ossibly,4 said
our official, laughing. 3:ut wait a bit. Boo- downstairs. As your ,ail falls in through that
slot, or is brought in by a ,ail,an, it is )ut through an in-*daubing a))aratus2that7s it,
right down in front of you2which totally ruins its sta,). !ow about your ,an7s )hoto,
now64
A good laugh rang around, and our official said:2 3"ow a ,an sorts it according to its
inscri)tion, )uts it into a canvas bag and aboard a train, or )ossibly an aircraft. :ut that
bag has ,ail going to )oints a long way a)art, so a ,an in a ,ail car sorts it out, so that
'hicago won7t find ,ail in its bag which should go to 'alifornia.4
At this )oint our giggling girl said:2
3@oooo/ I had a 'hrist,as card for $issouri go way down to $ississi))i/4
3!ow did you ,ar- it64
3I )ut $*i*s*s for $issouri.4
3ry $*o, and I wish you luc-.4
As that laugh ran round, our official said:2 3"ow you -now that you can buy a long,
narrow sta,) which will hurry your ,ail along. &o, as all ,ail in this building is )ut u) in
,any a s,all bunch, all with such sta,)s attract a ,ail,an, who will so wra) a bunch
that that -ind of a sta,) will show u) )lainly. %)on its arrival at a distant )oint, a boy
will grab it, and hurry it to its final goal. :ut that sta,) will not hurry it as long as it is on
that train.4
@ur giggling girl, swinging in again, said:2 3What6 With that sta,) right on to)64
3!ow can it64 said our official. 3A train can only go Just so fast, sta,) or no sta,).4
3@h.4
@ur boys and girls got a big thrill fro, this visit in bac- of that )artition, and told Gadsby
so. @n co,ing out of that building our )arty saw a big )atrol,an )utting a s,all boy into
a )atrol wagon. hat )oor -id was but a bunch of rags, dirty, and in a fighting ,ood. @ur
boys got a big laugh out of it. @ur girls, though, did not. 0oung $arian !o)-ins who had
that fairy wand, you -now, at our air)ort inauguration, said:2
3@h, that )oor child/ Will that co) )ut hi, in Jail, $ayor Gadsby64 At which !is !onor
instantly thought of a )lan long in his ,ind. :ranton !ills had a court roo,, a child7s
court, in fact, at which a -indly ,an loo-s out for Just such young waifs * trying to find out
why such tots co,,it unlawful acts. &o Gadsby said
3I don7t -now, $arian, but I want you young fol-s to go on a visit, tonight, to our night
court, to find out about Just such wild boys. !ow ,any want to go64
o his satisfaction, all did+ and so, that night that court roo, had rows of young fol-s, all
agog with curiosity which a first visit to a court stirs u) in a child. Fust by luc-, our young
vagrant in rags was brought in first, sha-ing with childish doubt as to what was going to
occur. :ut that -indly ,an sitting bac- of that big ,ahogany railing had no thought of
scaring a child, and said, cal,ly:2 3"ow, boy, what did you do that you ought not to do+
and why did you do it64
As our boys sat nudging and win-ing, but with our girls growing sad fro, sy,)athy, our
young cul)rit said
3Aw/ I grabs a bun, and dis big co) grabs ,y collar/4
3:ut why did you grab that bun6 It wasn7t yours, you -now.4
3Gosh, ,an// I was hungry//4
3!ungry6 Ion7t your fol-s loo- out for you64
3"aw+ I do ,y own loo-ing. And that7s what I was doing, too/4
3What had you for food all day64
3Fust that bun. And say// I only got half of it/ hat big co) was so rough/4
3Iid that co), as you call hi,, hurt you4
3!urt// I should say not// I )ut u) a good stiff scra)/ I )aid hi, bac-, blow for blow/ "o
big gas*bag of a co) is going to wallo) this -id and not )ay for it/4
3:ut, boy, don7t your fol-s bring you u) to -now that it is wrong to rob anybody64
3"aw/ $y Iad robs fol-s, and Just got si5 ,onths for it. &o why shouldn7t I6 It7s all right
to do what your Iad will do, isn7t it64
3"ot always, boy,4 and our girls in row two and our boys in row four sat sad and glu, at
this )ortrayal of youthful sin. Cinally that big -indly ,an, thoughtfully rubbing his chin,
said:*
3Who, did your Iad rob64
3I dunno. It was a Cord car. "obody wasn7t in it, so why not grab it6 hat7s what Iad said.
0ou can )ic- u) a bit of cash for a car, you -now, boss. And say, if a car brung only si5
,onths, how long will I s1uat in Jail for swi)ing this half bun6 Aw/ Go slow, boss/ I ain7t
no bad -id/ @nly Just a hungry ,utt. Gosh// !ow I wish I had a glass of ,il-/4
Cro, row two a young, vigorous girlish for, shot out, dashing for a doorway+ and as that
big -indly ,an was still rubbing his chin, $arian burst in again, rushing, sobbingly, to
that sad bunch of rags, holding out a )int of ,il- and two hot biscuits. A 1uic- snatch by
two horribly dirty young hands, a li,) flo) on a ,at at that big ,ahogany railing, and a
truly hungry child was oblivious to all around hi,. And I7ll say that our boys, in row four,
had lu,)y throats. :ut finally that big -indly ,an said:2 3hough ta-ing things
unlawfully is wrong, conditions can occur in which so young a cul)rit is not at fault. his
young cha) has had no bringing u), but has run wild. A child will not -now right fro,
wrong if not taught+ and, as it is a )ri,ary ani,al instinct to obtain food in any way, I will
si,)ly )ut this boy in a school which :ranton !ills ,aintains for Just such youths.4
At this both row two and row four burst out in such a stor, of hand*cla))ing that Gadsby
found that this visit had shown his young fol-s, fro, actual contact with a child without
training, how i,)ortant child*raising is+ and how )roud a city is of such as act according
to law.
NIV EAutu,n ;D;5H
I" AB$@& A"0 big town, around Autu,n, you will annually run across that fa,ous
agricultural show -nown as a 'ounty Cair+ and, as :ranton !ills had a big )ar-, which
you -now all about, right in front of "ancy7s and Cran-7s s,all bungalow, it was a ,ost
natural s)ot for holding it. And so, as this ha))y )air7s third Autu,n got around, stirring
activity in that big )ar- also got a*going+ for railings for stoc-yards don7t grow all built+
yards and yards of brown canvas don7t Just blow into a )ar-+ nor do 3hot dog4 and
)o)corn stands Ju,) u) fro, nothing. And "ancy, roc-ing on that bungalow )orch,
could watch all this wor- going on. And roc-ing was about all that "ancy could, or, I
should say, should do, Just now.
What a sight it was/ ruc-s+ s,all cars+ wagons+ a gang with a tractor )lowing u) hard
s)ots+ a gang )ic-ing u) roc-s, grading bu,)y s)ots, and laying out ground )lans.
$asons building walls, and all -inds of goods arriving, by tons. :ut out of all that
confusion and ado a canvas town will grow, strung fro, to) to botto, with gaily fla))ing
flags and hanging bunting, and that custo,ary 3,id*way4 with its long rows of gaudy
billboards, in front of which circus ballyhoo artists will continuously bawl and shout out
clai,s about sword*swallowing, tattooing, hula*hula dancing, boa constrictor char,ing,
or a (unch and Fudy show.
At a 'ounty Cair two things stand out as ,ost i,)ortant: far, stoc- and that oval trac-
around which swiftly trotting colts will thrill thousands+ and, I7ll say, shrin- a ban-
account or two/ :ut, of all sights, I don7t -now of any with such drawing ability for -ids as
Just such a carnival lot. &o, daily, as soon as school was out, throngs of ha))y, shouting,
ho))ing, Ju,)ing boys and girls would dash for that big )ar-+ loo-ing, )ointing, and
cli,bing u) on auto to)s, into lofty oa-s, onto tall roc-s, or a )al7s bac-+ for if anything is
difficult for a boy to obtain a sight of, nothing in cli,bing that an orang*outang can do,
will bal- hi,/
&o "ancy sat cal,ly roc-ing, roc-ing, roc-ing, and, 2but, )ardon/ I7ll go on with this
story. All I -now is that Cran-, arriving fro, wor- at #adio &tation L:!, wouldn7t so
,uch as loo- at that big carnival lot, but would rush in, in a ,ost loving, solicitous way
which always brought a -iss and a blush fro, "ancy. "ow if I don7t 1uit tal-ing about this
young )air you won7t -now anything about that big show going u) in front of that ha))y
bungalow. Al,ost daily Bady Gadsby would dro) in on "ancy, bringing all sorts of dainty
foods+ and !is !onor, with Lathlyn, Fulius and :ill, )aid custo,ary visits.
3:ut that fair/4 you say. 3!ow about that fair64
Ah/ It was a fair, I7ll say/ What ,obs on that first day/ And what a din// :ands )laying,
ballyhoos shouting, )o)corn a*)o))ing, 3hot dogs4 a*si99ling, duc-s s1uaw-ing, cows
lowing, )igs grunting, an occasional baby s1ualling+ and a,idst it all, a cho-ing cloud of
dust, a hot Autu,n wind, )anting, fanning ,atrons, cussing husbands+ all wor-ing
toward that big oval trac- at which all had a fli,sy )ossibility of winning a ,illion or two
>or a dollar or two/?. @h, you 'ounty Cairs/ 0ou bloo, in your canvas glory, annually. 0ou
draw vast crowds+ you show high 1uality far, stoc-, gigantic )u,)-ins, thousands of
)oultry, including our 3han-sgiving "ational :ird4. 0ou fill coo)s with fancy s1uabs, fat
rabbits, and day*old chic-s. 0ou show ,any for,s of incubators, churns, far,ing
a))aratus, )u,)s, )lows, lighting )lants for s,all far,s, wind,ills, 3bug4 )oisons, and
)oultry foods. And you always add a big balloon, which you anchor, so that -ids ,ay soar
aloft until a windlass )ulls it down. 0ou fill us with food that would -ill a wild goat, but
you still last/ And ,ay you always do so+ for, within your fla))ing, bulging canvas walls,
city ,an rubs against town ,an, rich and )oor girls bu,), snobs attain no right of way,
and a )roud, ha))y boy or girl shows a 3Cirst 'lass4 satin ribbon which a lovingly
brought*u) calf or )oultry brood has won.
@nly a satin ribbon, but, dis)laying it to a grou) of ad,iring young )als brings to a child
that natural thrill fro, acco,)lishing anything worthy of )ublic acclai,. &uch thrills will
not crowd in as $aturity su))lants 0outh+ and so I say, 3a trio of our custo,ary hu99as4
for any child who can carry away a satin ribbon fro, a 'ounty Cair.
:ut what about our good $ayor during all this circus hullabaloo6 Iid i,)ortant thoughts
for still i,)roving :ranton !ills )ass through his busy ,ind6 "ot Just now+ but fond,
an5ious thoughts did+ for his ,ind was constantly on "ancy+ tiny, darling "ancy, his baby
girl. Cor, during that noisy carnival, fol-s saw >or thought so, you -now?, a big bird with
long shan-s and a ,onstrous bill, circling round and round that s,all bungalow7s roof,
)lainly loo-ing for a s)ot to land on. Bady Gadsby and old Ioctor Wil-ins saw it, too, and
told "ancy that that big hos)ital which our old @rgani9ation had built, was holding a
roo, for instant occu)ancy+ and, as that big bird daily swung down, down, down, al,ost
gra9ing that s,all roof, Cran-, )oor cha), as sha-y as at his church ritual, thirty ,onths
ago, staid away fro, #adio &tation L:!, and stuc- to that s,all bungalow as a fly stic-s
around a sugar bowl.
Cinally, on a cris) Autu,n night, that soaring bird shot straight down with such an
assuring swoo), that old Ioc Wil-ins, indoors with "ancy, saw it and said, 1uic-ly:2
3@n your way, "ancy girl//4 and that )art of :ranton !ills saw his car racing hos)ital*
wards, with Bady Gadsby fondly )atting "ancy7s tiny, cold hands, and saying Just such
loving things as a wo,an would, naturally, to a young girl on such a tri). :ut Gadsby and
Cran-6 Ah/ (oor, half*cra9y things/ "o car would do at all/ "o, sir// A car was far too slow/
And so, across lots, down into ,any a ,an7s yard, and Ju,)ing high walls, shot two
shadowy for,s, arriving at that big hos)ital, badly blown, Just as Bady Gadsby and old
Ioc Wil-ins too- "ancy7s ar,s, and got slowly to that big door with its waiting rolling
chair.
"ow this stor-7s visit is nothing out of ordinary in World affairs. $illions and billions of
visits has it, and its -ind, flown2to -ing7s ,ansion or a blac- Kulu wo,an7s hut. :ut this
flight was )oor Cran-7s initiation to that awful hour of blan- )anic, during which a young
husband is boiling hot or icy cold in turn. God// !ow still a hos)ital corridor is// !ow
doctors and assistants do float )ast without as ,uch sound as falling snow/ @h/ !ow long
Cran- and !is !onor sat, stood, or trod u) and down, watching that roo, door// What
was going on6 Was "ancy all right6 @h// Why this )rolonging of agoni9ing inactivity6
'an7t anybody* say anything6 Isn7t anybody around, at all6 :ut hos)ital doctors and
nursing staffs, though )itying a young cha), ,ust )ass hi, u) for that tiny lady, who now
was but a tool in God7s hands+ in God7s ,agic laboratory. And so Ah/ Ioctor Wil-ins is
co,ing2and s,iling//
3A baby girl2and with a ri))ing good )air of lungs/4 but has to Ju,) 1uic- to catch
Cran-, who has sun- in a swoon. And $ayor Gadsby7s collar is as li,) as a dish*rag/
Ah/ $an, ,an, ,an/ and wo,an, wo,an, wo,an/ Fust you two/ God7s only )arts in !is
,ighty )lan for living actuality. "ot only with $an and ani,als, but also down,2way,
way down a,ongst )lants. Fust two )arts. @nly two// And :aby, you tiny bunch of
wriggling, gurgling hu,anity by that slowly tic-ing cloc- is your turn in this ,ighty
World, unavoidably arriving. $a,a, (a)a, and all of us will go on, for a bit, growing old
and gray, but you, now so young and frail, will stand sturdily, and willingly, in our
vacancy+ and carry on God7s will/
NV E;D;5H
As this is a history of a city I ,ust not stay around any )art too long. &o, as it was al,ost
3a s,all ,orning hour,4 "ina Ada,s, a widow, was sitting u)+ for Virginia, a !igh &chool
girl, was still out+ and, around two*thirty, was brought bac- in a fast car+ two youths
actually du,)ing an unconscious for, on "ina7s front )orch, and dashing ,adly away.
:ut "ina Ada,s saw it+ and, calling for aid in carrying Virginia indoors, )ut in a frantic
call for old Ioc Wil-ins, an old, long*ago school )al, who found "ina frantic fro, not
-nowing Virginia7s condition, nor why that )air of youths shot ,adly away without
calling anybody. :ut it only too- Ioctor Wil-ins an instant to find out what was wrong+
and "ina, noting his tight li)s and growing scowl was in an agony of doubt.
3What is it, o,6 Puic-// I7, al,ost cra9y//4
Ir. Wil-ins, standing by Virginia7s couch, said, slowly:*
3It7s nothing to worry about, "ina. Virginia will )ull through all right, by ,orning.4
:ut that didn7t satisfy "ina Ada,s, not for an instant, and Ir. Wil-ins, -nowing that
ironclad s)irit of school days which would stand for no obstructions in its )ath, saw that a
3blow*u)4 was co,ing+ but, through a -indly thought for this wo,an7s co,fort, did not
say what his diagnosis was, until "ina, now actually livid with worry, said:2
3o, Wil-ins/ Ioctor Wil-ins, if you wish, 2 I clai, a natural right to -now why ,y
child is unconscious/ And you, a )hysician, cannot, by law, withhold such infor,ation.4
:ut Wil-ins, trying to find a way out of a ,ost unha))y condition of affairs, said:*
3"ow, "ina, you -now I wouldn7t hold anything fro, you if Virginia was critically ill, but
that is not so. If you7ll only wait until ,orning you7ll find that I a, right.4
:ut this only built obstruction u)on obstruction to "ina7s strong will, until Ir. Wil-ins,
noticing co,ing total )rostration, had to say:*
3"ina, Virginia is drun-+ horribly drun-.4
3Irun-//4 Widow Ada,s had to grab wildly at a chair, sin-ing into it+ at first as li,) as a
rag, but instantly s)ringing u), blood surging to a throbbing brow. 3Irun-/ Irun-// $y
baby drun-// o,, I than- you for trying to ward off this shoc-+ but I7ll say right now, with
,y hand on high, that I a, going to start a ru,)us about this atrocity that will roc-
:ranton !ills to its foundations/ Who got this young school*girl drun-6 I -now that
Virginia wouldn7t drin- that stuff willingly. !ow could it occur6 I )ay through ta5ation for
a )atrol,an in this district+ in fact in all districts of this city. What is a )atrol,an for, if not
to watch for Just such abo,inations as this, )ray64
Ir. Wil-ins didn7t say, though )robably thin-ing of a ru,or that had run around town for
a ,onth or two. At this )oint Virginia, )artly conscious was ,ur,uring:
3@h, "or,an/ @h/ I7, so sic-//4 Ion7t// I can7t drin- it/
his brought forth all of "ina Ada,s7 fury instantly.
3Aha/ Aha/ "or,an/ &o that7s it/ hat7s "or,an Antor, that low*down, good*for*nothing
night*owl/ &on of our big 'ouncil,an Antor. &o// It7s 8"or,an/ I can7t drin- it7/
o, Wil-ins, this thing is going to court//4
Q Q Q Q
About noon of that day, our good doctor, wal-ing sadly along, ran across $ayor Gadsby,
in front of 'ity !all+ and did !is !onor 3burn4 at such an abo,ination6
3What6 !igh &chool boys forcing young girls to drin-6 And right in our glorious :ranton
!ills6 @h, but, Ioc/ his can7t )ass without a trial/4
3hat7s all right, Fohn+ but a thorn stic-s out, right in )lain sight.4
3horn6 horn6 What -ind of a thorn64 and our $ayor was flushing hard, as no -ind of
wild thoughts would )oint to any -ind of thorns.
3hat thorn,4 said Wil-ins, 3is young "or,an Antor+ son of24
3"ot of 'ouncil,an Antor64
3I a, sorry to say that it is so,4 and Wil-ins told of Virginia7s half*conscious ,ur,urings.
3And "ina wants to -now why, with a )atrol,an in all )arts of town, it isn7t -nown that
all this drin-ing is going on. I didn7t say what I thought, but you -now that a )atrol,an
don7t go into dancing )avilions and night clubs until conditions sanction it.4
3Who is su))lying this li1uor64
3'ouncil,an Antor+ but without -nowing it.4
All !is !onor could say was to gas):2
3!ow do you -now that, Ioc64 and Wil-ins told of four calls for hi, in four days, to
young girls, si,ilarly drun-.
3And ,y first call was to young $ary2 Antor7s tiny Gra,,ar &chool -id, who was as
drun- as Virginia+ but, on co,ing out of it, told of robbing Antor7s )antry, in which li1uor
was always on hand for his )olitical )als, you -now+ that )oor -id ta-ing it to various
affairs and giving it to boys+ and winning 8)o)ularity7 that way.4
3&o,4 said Gadsby, 3'ouncil,an Antor7s boy and girl, brought u) in a fa,ily with li1uor
always handy, now, with ignorant, childish braggadocio, bring 'ouncil,an Antor into this
,i5*u)/ I7, sorry for Antor+ but his )antry is in for an official visit.4
It wasn7t so long fro, this day that 'ourt got around to this ru,)us. o say that that big
roo, was full, would )ut it ,ildly Although, according to an old saying, 3a cat is only as
big as its s-in,4 that roo,7s walls al,ost burst, as grou)s of church organi9ations and law
abiding inhabitants al,ost fought for ad,ission+ until standing roo, was nothing but a
suffocating Ja,. As Gadsby and Ioc Wil-ins sat watching that sight, Gadsby said:2 3It7s
an out)ouring of rightful wrath by a )roud city7s )o)ulation+ who, having )ut out good,
hard wor- in bringing it to its high standing as a co,,unity, today, will not stand for
anything that will )ut a blot on its ,unici)al flag, which is, right now, )roudly flying on
'ity !all.4
As Wil-ins was about to say so, a rising ,ur,ur was rolling in fro, out bac-, for "or,an
Antor was co,ing in, in custody of a big )atrol,an, and with four youths, all loo-ing, not
only an5ious, but )lainly showing hu,iliation at such an abo,ination against trusting
young girlhood. &cowls and angry ru,blings told that high official, way u) in bac- of that
,ahogany railing, that but a s)ar- would start a riot. &o, in a cal,, al,ost uncanny way,
this first trial of its -ind in :ranton !ills got along to a court official calling, loudly:2
3Virginia Ada,s/4
If you thin- that you -now what a totally still roo, is, by no -in- of your i,agination
could you )ossibly -now such an awful, frightful hush as struc- that crowd du,b, as
Virginia, a tall, dar-, willowy, stylish girl 1uic-ly too- that chair, fro, which ruth, in all
its )urity, is custo,arily brought out. :ut Virginia was not a bit sha-y nor an5ious, nor
doubtful of an ability to go through with this ugly tas-.
Gadsby and Ioc Wil-ins sat watching "ina+ Gadsby with )rofound sy,)athy, but
Wil-ins with an old school*)al7s intuition, watching for a blowu). :ut "ina didn7t blow
u), that is, not visibly: but that fa,ous rigid will was boiling, full tilt+ boiling u) to a )oint
for landing, 3tooth and claw4 on our )o,)ous 'ouncil,an7s son, if things didn7t turn out
satisfactorily.
Virginia didn7t occu)y that stand long+ it was only a half*sobbing account of a night at a
dancing )avilion+ and with a sob or two fro, a wo,an or girl in that vast crowd. All
Virginia said was:2 3"or,an Antor said I was a cry*baby if I wouldn7t drin- with hi,.
:ut I said, 8All right+ I a, a cry*baby/7 And I always will turn 8crybaby7 if anybody insists
that I drin- that stuff.4 >Fust a short lull, a valiant fight for control, and?2
3:ut I had to drin-// "or,an was ti))ing ,y chair bac- and Fohn Allison was forcing that
glass into ,y ,outh/ I got so sic- I couldn7t stand u), and didn7t -now a thing until I
found I was on a couch in ,y own )arlor.4
A court official said, -indly:2
3hat will do, $iss Ada,s.4
Iuring this, "ina was glaring at "or,an+ but Virginia7s bringing Allison into it, also, was
too ,uch. :ut Wil-ins, watching narrowly, said, sna))ingly:*
3"ina/ his is a court roo,.4
"ow this trial was too long to go into, word for word+ so I7ll say that not only "or,an
Antor and Allison, but also our big, )o,)ous 'ouncil,an Antor, according to our
)o)ular slang, 3got in bad4+ and :ranton !ills7 dancing and night s)ots got word to
)rohibit li1uor or shut u) sho). 0oung $ary Antor was shown that li1uor, in dancing
)avilions or in a fa,ily )antry was not good for young girls+ and soon this ,ost
disgusting affair was a )art of :ranton !ills7 history. And what vast variations a city7s
history contains/ What valorous acts by far*thin-ing officials/ What dar- daubs of filth by
avaricious croo-s/ What an array of )ast $ayors+ what financial u)s and downs+ what
growth in )o)ulation. :ut, as I a, this )articular city7s historian, with strict orthogra)hy
controlling it, this history will not ran-, in volubility, with any by an author who can sow,
broadcast, all handy, co,,on words which continuously try to Ju,) into it/
NVI E;D;5 or ;D;GH
:#A"@" !IBB&, "@W an u)*to*today city, co,ing to that )oint of ,otori9ing all city
a))aratus, had Just a last, solitary co,)any of that class which an inhabitant frantically
calls to a burning building2'o,)any Cour, in our big sho))ing district+ all a))aratus of
which was still ani,al drawn+ four big, hus-y cha)s: two blac-s and two roans. Any
thought of bac-ing in any sort of ,otor a))aratus onto this floor, u)on which this loyal
four had, during ,any ,onths, stood, cha,)ing at bits, )awing and whinnying to start
out that big door, in daylight or night*gloo,, cal, or stor,, 2 was ,ighty tough for old
Iowd and 'lancy. A ,an living day and night with such glorious, vivacious ani,als,
grows to loo- u)on such as al,ost hu,an. :right, brainy, s)ar-ling colts can win a strong
hold on a ,an, you -now.
And now// What for, of dis)osal was awaiting 3:ig Cour4, as 'lancy and Iowd too- a
fond Joy in dubbing this )air of blac-s and two roans6 'lancy and Iowd didn7t -now
anything but that a ,ass of cogs, )i)ing, brass railings, an intricacy of -nobs, buttons,
s)ar-*)lugs, forward clutch and so forth was co,ing to,orrow.
3Aw//4 said Iowd, ,oaningly, 3you -now, 'lancy, that good old light shifting about and
that light 8sto,)ing7 in that row of stalls, at night+ you -now, old ,an, that ha))y
crunching of corn+ that occasional cough+ that tail*swatting at a fly or cra9y 9ig9agging
,oth+ that grand ani,al odor fro, that bac- )art of this floor.4
3I do,4 said 'lancy. 3And now what6 A loud whi99 of a ,otor/ A suffocating blast of gas/
and a dorn thing a*standin7 on this floor, wid no brain+ wid nothin7 lovin7 about it. Wid no
soul.4
3%,*,*,,4 said Iowd, 3I dunno about an ani,al havin7 a soul, but it7s got a thing not so
do, far fro, it.4
As 'lancy sat worrying about various for,s of dis)osal for :ig Cour, an official )honing
fro, 'ity !all, said Just an ordinary, co,,on word, which had 'lancy bo))ing u) and
down, furiously ,ad.
3What7s all this6 What7s all this64 Iowd sang out, co,ing fro, a stall, in which a good
rubbing down of a shiny coat, and continuous loving )ats had brought snuggling and
nosing.
3Auction//4 said 'lancy, wildly, and sitting down with a thud.
3Auction6 Auction for :ig Cour6 What6
(ut u) on a bloc- as you would a Fa) urn or a )hony dia,ond64
3%h*huh+ that7s what 'ity !all says.4
An awful cal, slun- insidiously onto that big s,ooth floor, as Iowd and 'lancy, chins on
hands, sat,2Just thin-ing/ Cinally 'lancy burst out with:*
3Aw/ If an alar, would only ring in, right now, to sto) ,y brain fro, crac-ing/ Auction/
:ah//4
Q Q Q Q
A big crowd stood in 'ity (ar-, including !is !onor, ,any a 'ouncil,an, and, naturally,
@ld :ill &i,)-ins, who was always bound to -now what was going on. A loud, fast*
tal-ing ,an, on a high stand, was shouting:2 3All right, you guys/ !ow ,uch6 !ow
,uch for this big blac-6 A ,ountain of ,uscular ability/ 0oung, -ind, willing, s,art/ !ow
,uch6 !ow ,uch64
:ids abo,inably low at first, but slowly crawling u)+ crawling slowly, as a boa constrictor
crawls u) on its victi,. :ut, without fail, as a bid was sung out fro, that surging,
gaw-ing, chin*lifting ,ob, a wo,an, way in bac-, would sur)ass it/ And that wo,an
hung on, as no boa constrictor could/ Gadsby, way down in front, couldn7t fatho, it, at all.
Why should a wo,an want :ig Cour6 A solitary ani,al, )ossibly, but four/ &o !is !onor,
turning and ,a-ing his way toward that bac- row, ran s,ac- into "ancy.
3Iaddy/ Bady &tandish is outbidding all this crowd I4
3@ho/ &o that7s it/4
&o Gadsby, )ushing his way again through that Ja,, and co,ing to that ,ost worthy
wo,an, said:*
3:y golly, &ally/ It7s )lain that you want :ig Cour.4
3Fohn Gadsby, you ought to -now that I do. Why/ A ,an ,ight buy that big )air of roans
to hitch u) to a )low/ @r hoo- a big blac- onto an ash cart/4
3I -now that, &ally, but that s,all bac- yard of yours is24
3Fohn// Io your $unici)al occu)ations -noc- all )ast days7 doings out of your s-ull6 0ou
-now that I own a grand, big )atch of land out in our suburbs, half as big as :ranton !ills.
&o this :ig Cour will Just run around, Ju,), roll, -ic-, and loaf until doo,sday, if I can
wallo) this ,ob out of bidding.4
As Bady &tandish was long -nown as standing first in valuation on :ranton !ills7 ta5 list,
nobody in that crowd was so foolish as to hang on, in a war of bidding, against that
ban-roll. &o Gadsby shoo- hands, )ut an ar, about "ancy, wal-ing ha))ily away, as a
roar of )laudits shot out fro, that crowd, for that loud, fast*tal-ing ,an was announcing:
2 3&old/ All four to Bady &tandish//4
As Gadsby and "ancy ran across @ld :ill &i,)-ins, Gadsby said:2
3:ill, you -now that grand old day.
Boo-/ A building is burning/ A )atrol,an has )ut in an alar,/ And now loo-/ 'o,ing
down :roadway/ wo big blac-s, and following on, two big roans/ What grand, ,ighty
ani,als/ "ostrils dilating+ big hoofs )ounding+ gigantic flan-s bulging+ ,ighty lungs
snorting+ ,onstrous bac-s straining+ thic-, full tails standing straight out. 'o,ing, sir/
'o,ing, sir// Fust as fast as brain and brawn can/ And that gong*clanging, air*s)litting,
whistling, shining, si99ling, s,o-ing four tons of a))aratus roars )ast, grinding and
hanging on :roadway7s )aving/ 0ou saw all that, :ill.4
3%h*huh,4 said &i,)-ins, 3but a ,otor don7t hurt our )aving so ,uch.4
As "ancy too- !is !onor7s ar, again, Gadsby said:2 3(oor, cran-y old :ill/ Always
running things down.4
:ut how about 'lancy and Iowd6 @n ,oving out fro, that big )ar-, that ha))y )air, if
Lnighthood was in bloo, today, would bow low, and -iss fair Bady &tandish7s hand.
NVII E;D;GH
@! !%$. "ow that "ancy7s baby is gurgling or s1ualling, according to a full tu,,y, or
tooth conditions+ and "ancy is loo-ing, as Gadsby says, 3as good as a ,illion dollars,4 I
find that that busy young son*of*a*gun, Ian 'u)id, is still snoo)ing around :ranton !ills
And now who do you thin- is hit6 ry to thin- of a lot of girls in Gadsby7s old
@rgani9ation 0outh. "o, it7s not &arah 0oung, nor Bucy Ionaldson, nor Virginia Ada,s. It
was brought to your historian in this way:2
Bady Gadsby and !is !onor sat around his )arlor la,), !is !onor noticing that Bady G.
was s,iling, finally saying:2
3Fohn.4
3%h*huh.4
3Lathlyn and Fohn &,ith 24
3What64
3I said that Lathlyn and Fohn &,ith want to 24
3@ho/ Aha// I7ll call u) (astor :rown to start right off dolling u) his big church/4
3"o, no/ "ot now/ Wait about si5 ,onths. his is only a troth. Col-s don7t Ju,) into
,atri,ony, that way.4
3!,*,*,/ I don7t -now about that,4 said Gadsby, laughing+ and thin-ing way bac- to that
ca)tivating lassoo/
Fohn &,ith was :ranton !ills7 fa,ous church organist+ and, at a s,all, dainty lunch,
Lathlyn told of this troth. In a day or two about all :ranton !ills7 young girlhood had, on
rushing in, told Lathlyn what a grand cha) Fohn was+ and all that town7s young ,anhood
had told Fohn si,ilar things about Lathlyn. &o, as this is a Ju,)y sort of a story, anyway,
why not s-i) ,onths of ha))y ardor, and find how this tying of an additional -not in our
$ayor7s fa,ily will turn out6 0ou -now that Lathlyn don7t thin- ,uch of )o,) or show,
and such a big church ritual as "ancy had is all right if you want it, but Lathlyn had fond
thoughts of Just a s,all, )arlor affair, with only a grou) of old chu,s+ and no throwing of
old boots, and 3shar) food*grains,4 which wor- downward, to scratch your bac-, or stic-
in your hair as stubbornly as burrs.
3&uch cra9y doings,4 said Lathlyn, 3always loo- foolish. It7s odd how anybody can follow
u) such anti1uarian custo,s.4
As Lathlyn7s big night was drawing nigh, Bady Gadsby and "ancy had constantly
thought of a word synony,ous with 3wo,an4, and that word is 3scrub.4 Which is saying
that Gadsby7s ,ansion was about to sub,it to a gigantic scrubbing, )ainting, dusting, and
so forth, so that Lathlyn should start out on that shi) of ,atri,ony fro, a s)ic*s)an
wharf. Fust why a wo,an thin-s that a grain of dust in a totally incons)icuous s)ot is such
a catastro)hic abnor,ality is hard to say+ but if you si,)ly broach a thought that a grain
of it ,ight lur- in bac- of a )iano, or u) bac- of an oil )ainting, a flood of soa)*suds will
instantly burst forth+ and any ,an who can find any of his things for four days is a
clairvoyant, or a ,agician/
As Gadsby sat watching all this his thoughts too- this for,:2
3Isn7t it sur)rising what an array of things a wo,an can drag forth, burrowing into attics,
roo,s and noo-s/ hings long out of ,ind+ an old thing+ a worn*out thing+ but it has lain
in that roo,, noo- or bag until Just such a riot of soa) and scrubbing brush brings it out.
And, as I thin- of it, a hu,an ,ind could, and should go through Just such a ransac-ing,
occasionally+ for you don7t -now half of what an accu,ulation of rubbish is -ic-ing about,
in its dar-, ,usty corridors. @ld fashions in thoughts+ bigotry+ vanity+ all lying stagnant.
&o why not drag out and sort all that stuff, discarding all which is of no valuation6 About
half of us will find, in our ,inds, a roo,, having on its door a card, saying: 3It Was "ot &o
In $y Iay.4 Go at that roo,, right off. hat 3$y Iay4 is long )ast. 3oday4 is boss, now.
If that 3$y Iay4 could crawl u) on 3oday,4 what a ,i5*u) in World affairs would occur/
@5 cart against aircraft+ oil la,)s against arc lights/ &low, ,ail infor,ation against radio/
:ut, as all this stuff is laid out, what will you do with it6 "obody wants it. &o I say, burn it,
and to,orrow ,orning, how ha))y you will find that ,usty old ,ind/4
:ut !is !onor7s ,ansion finally got bac- to nor,al as clouds of dust and swats and sla)s
fro, dusting cloths had shown Bady Gadsby and Lathlyn that 3that )arlor was si,)ly
awful4 though Gadsby, Fulius and :ill always had thought that 3It loo-s all right,4 causing
Lathlyn to say:2
3A ,an thin-s all dust stays outdoors.4
hough ,arrying off a girl in church is a big )ro)osition, it can7t discount, in i,)ortant
data, doing a si,ilar act in a )arlor+ for, as a )arlor is a ,ighty s,all roo, in co,)arison
with a church, you can7t )oint to an inch of it that won7t do its s,all )art on such an
occasion+ so a wo,an will find about a thousand s)ots in which to )ut tac-s fro, which to
run strings holding floral chains, s)rays, or s,all lights. &o Gadsby, :ill and Fulius, with
ar,fuls of string and ,outhfuls of tac-s, not only )ut in hours at )ounding said tac-s, but
an occasional vigorous word told that a thu,b was substituting/ :ut what ,an wouldn7t
gladly bang his thu,b, or bar- his shins on a wobbly stool, to aid so char,ing a girl as
Lathlyn6 And, on that ,ost ro,antically i,)ortant of all days//
Anyway, that day7s night finally cast its soft shadows on :ranton !ills. "ight, with its
twin-ling stars, its lightning*bugs, and its call for girls7 ,ost glorious wra)s+ and youths7
3swallowtails4, and tall sil- hats,2is 'u)id7s own+ lac-ing but organ ,usic to turn it into
%to)ia.
And was Gadsby7s ,ansion lit u) fro, )orch to roof6 "o. @nly that )arlor and a roo, or
two u)stairs, for wra)s, ,ascarra, a final hair*1uir-, a dab of li)*stic-+ for Lathlyn, against
all for,s of 3vain dis)lay,4 said:2 3I7, only going to ,arry a ,an+ not )ut on a circus for
all :ranton !ills.4
3All right, darling,4 said Gadsby, 3you shall ,arry in a )itch dar- roo, if you wish+ for, as
you say, a s,all, )arlor affair is Just as binding as a big church dis)lay. It7s only your vows
that count.4
&o but a s,all grou) stood lovingly in Gadsby7s )arlor, as (arson :rown brought into
unity Lathlyn and Fohn. Lathlyn was radiantly ha))y+ and Fohn, our fa,ous organist, was
as ha))y with only char,ing &arah 0oung at an u)right )iano, as any organist in a big
choir loft.
:ut to Bady Gadsby and !is !onor, this was, in a way, a sad affair+ for that big ,ansion
now had lost two of its inhabitants+ and, as ,any old fol-s -now, a vast ga), or chas, thus
for,s, bac-ward across which flit ha))y visions of laughing, ro,)ing, ha))y girlhood+
ha))y hours around a sitting roo, la,)+ and loving tri)s in night7s s,all hours to a roo,
or two, Just to -now that a s,all girl was all right, or that a big girl was not in a draft. :ut,
though ,arrying off a girl will bring such a vacancy, that ha))y start out into a world
throbbing with vitality and Joy, can allay a bit of that void in a big ,ansion, or a s,all
cabin. A birth, a tooth, a growth, a ,ating+ and, again a birth, a tooth, and so on. &uch is
that ,ighty Baw, which was laid down on that first of all days+ and which will control
$an, ani,al, and )lant until that last of all nights.
&o it was first "ancy, and now Lathlyn+ and :ranton !ills7 gossi)s thought of :ill and
Fulius, with who, ,any a young, ro,antic ,aid would gladly sit in a wistaria*droo)ing
arbor on a war,, ,oon*lit night+ flighty ,aids with :ill, adoring his high class social
gossi)+ studious ,aids with Fulius, finding ,uch to thin- about in his )ractical tal-s on
)hysics, 9oology, and natural history. ho :ill and Fulius had shown no liability of biting at
any alluring bait on any ,atri,onial hoo-+ and Gadsby, win-ing -nowingly, would say:2
3:ill is too frivolous, Just now+ and Fulius too busy at our !all of "atural !istory. :ut Just
wait until Ian 'u)id starts shooting again, and watch things whi9/4
NVIII E;D;GH
&A#A!, WABLI"G AB@"G )ast 'ity (ar- on a raw, cold night, found a tiny,2 oh so
tiny,2)u))y, whining, sha-ing and crying with cold. (ic-ing u) that s,all bunch of
babyhood, &arah was in 1uandary as Just what to do+ but (riscilla &tandish, co,ing along,
said:2 3@h/ (oor baby// Who owns hi,, &arah64
3I don7t -now+ but say/ Wouldn7t your $a 264
3$y $a would// :ring hi, along, and wra) your cloa- around hi,. It7s awfully cold for
so young a )u))y.4
&o Bady &tandish, with that 3bac-*yard 9oo4 soon had his 1ua-ing babyshi) la))ing good
war, ,il-, and a stu,)y tail wagging as only a tiny )u))y7s stu,)y tail can wag. Along
towards si5 o7cloc- a vigorous )ounding on Bady &tandish7s front door brought (riscilla,
to find @ld :ill &i,)-ins with a tiny, wildly sobbing girl of about four. Wal-ing into Bady
&tandish7s )arlor, &i,)-ins said:
3his -id has lost a*a*a*crittur+ I thin- it was a )u), wasn7t it, -id64
A vigorous u) and down bobbing of a s,all shoc- of auburn hair.
3&o,4 said &i,)-ins, 3I thought it ,ight show u) in your bac-*yard gang.4
3It has, :ill, you old grouch//4 for Bady &tandish, as about all of :ranton !ills grown*u)s,
was in school with :ill. 3It7s all right, now, and war, and cuddly. Ion7t cry, $ary darling.
(riscilla will bring in your )u))y.4
As that ha))y baby sat crooning to that )u))y, also a baby, @ld :ill had to snort out:2
3!uh/ A lot of fuss about a )u), I7ll say/4 3@h, )ooh*)ooh, :ill &i,)-ins/4 said Bady &.
3Why shouldn7t a child croon to a )u))y6 Col-s bring all -inds of ani,als to ,y bac-
yard, if sic- or hurt. Want to wal- around ,y 9oo64
3"o// "o 9oos for 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins/ Ani,als ain7t worth so ,uch fuss/4
3(shaw, :ill/ 0ou tal- ridiculously/ I wish you could -now of about half of ,y wor-s. I
want to show you a big Angora cat. A dog bit its foot so I )ut a bal, on it and wound it
with cotton 24
30ou )ut bal, on a cat7s foot// :ah/4
:ut Bady &tandish didn7t ,ind @ld :ill7s ravings having -nown hi, so long+ so said:2
3@h, how7s that old corn of yours6 'an7t I )ut a bal, 24
3"o/ 0ou cannot/ $ary, bring your )u)+ I7, going along.4
As a ha))y tot was )assing out that big, -indly front door, &arah said
3Was 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins always so grouchy, Bady &tandish64
3"o. "ot until Fohn Gadsby 8cut hi, out7 and won Bady Gadsby.4
3Aha// And a !o, !o//4 said &arah, laughing gayly. 3&o fol-s had what you call 8affairs7
way bac-, Just as today/4 and also laughing inwardly, at what Bucy had said about this
-indly Bady &tandish and !is !onor.
Ah/ hat good old schoolday, now so long )ast/ !ow it bobs u), now*a*days, if you watch
a young lad and a ha))y, giggling lass holding hands or laughing u)roariously at
youthful witticis,s. And how dia)hanous and al,ost i,aginary that far*bac- day loo-s,
if that girl with who, you stood u) and said 3I do,4 laughs, if you try a bit of ro,antic
-issing, and says:2
3Why, Fohn/ !ow silly/ 0ou act actually childish//4
Q Q Q Q
And now it won7t do any har, to har- bac- a bit on this history, to find how our big "ight
&chool is doing. Collowing that first graduation day, ,any and ,any a child, and adult,
too, had )ut in hours on various nights+ and if you visit it you will find al,ost as ,any
for,s of instruction going on as you will find )u)ils+ for thousands of fol-s today -now of
to)ics which, with a bit of study, could turn out )rofitably. "ow :ranton !ills had, as you
-now, built this school for )ublic instruction+ and, as with all such institutions, visiting
days occur. And what a dis)lay of goods and wor-,anshi)/ And what bright, ha))y
)u)ils, standing )roudly bac- of it/ Cor ,an-ind -nows hardly a Joy which will sur)ass
that of a))roval of his wor-.
Gadsby7s )arty first too- in a wood*wor-ing sho)+ finding s,all stands which fit so
ha))ily into ,any a living roo, noo-+ boo- rac-s for walls or floor+ ,oth*)roof bins,
s,o-ing stands, ,any with fancy u)rights or inlaid to)s+ high chairs for tiny tots+ ar,
chairs for old fol-s+ cribs, tobacco hu,idors, stools, )orch and lawn swings, ballbats,
rolling )ins, ,i5ing boards+ in fact about anything that a ,an can fashion fro, wood.
As an indication of )ractical utility co,ing fro, such )ublic instruction, a ,an told
Gadsby:*
3I didn7t -now ,uch about wood*wor-ing tools until I got into this class. his thing I a,
,a-ing would cost about thirty dollars to buy, but all it cost, so far, is two dollars and a
half, for wood and glass,4 which Gadsby thought was worth -nowing about+ as so ,any
of his 'ouncil had )ut forth so ,any co,)laints against starting such a school without
charging for instruction. In an adJoining roo, !is !onor7s )arty found boys banging and
)ounding ha))ily+ and, if you should as-, 2noisily, 2on brasswor-: ,a-ing bowls, trays,
la,) standards, )hotogra)h stands, boo- su))orts and si,ilar artistic things. Across fro,
that was a blac-s,ith sho), with its custo,ary flying s)ar-s and si99ling cooling*vats.
:ut, by going u)stairs, away fro, all this din, Gadsby, hu,,ing ha))ily, found &arah and
Bucy, "ancy and Lathlyn a,idst a roo,ful of girls doing dainty fancy*wor-. And what
astonishing ability ,ost of that grou) did show/ "ancy bought a baby*ca) which was on a
)ar with anything in :ranton !ills7 sho)s+ and though Lathlyn said it was 3Just too
cunning for anything4, Fohn &,ith7s bungalow didn7t contain anybody >Just now/? who, it
would fit.
:ut Bady Gadsby, with a )arty of :ranton !ills ,atrons, was calling for Gadsby to hurry
down a long corridor to a loo,*roo,, saying that such dainty rugs, ,ats and scarfs of
cotton and sil- hung all around on walls or rac-s, it was truly astonishing that girls could
do such first*class wor-, having had long hours of labor in :roadway7s sho)s all day.
Although ,ost of our standard occu)ations found roo, for activity, an occasional oddity
was run across. &o !is !onor7s )arty found two boys and two girls wor-ing at that always
fascinating art of glass*blowing. And what a dainty tric- it is/ And what an o))ortunity to
burn a thu,b or two, if you don7t wait for things to cool/ hings of char,ing for, and
fragility, grow as by a ,agician7s wand, fro, s,all glass tubings of various colors. :irds
with glorious wings, shi)s of crystal sailing on dar- billows, tiny buildings in a thic- glass
ball which u)on agitation, stirs u) a snowstor, which softly lands on )in- roof*to)s+
,any a fancy drin-ing glass and bowl, oil la,)s, ash trays, and gaudy strings of tiny
crystal balls for adorning )arty gowns. And did "ancy want to buy out this sho)6 And
did Cran- doubt his ability to do so6 And did Lathlyn as-: 3!ow about it, Fohnny64 and
did Fohn &,ith say: 3"othing doing46 It was Just that. :ut it only shows that good old
:ranton !ills7 inclination for aiding anything which loo-s worthy+ and such a school I
-now you will ad,it, loo-s that way.
ra,)ing u)stairs, still again, Gadsby and )arty found a class so varying fro, all
downstairs as to bring forth ,ur,urs of Joy, for this was -nown as 3$usic Cloor4+ u)on
which was taught all for,s of that ,ost char,ing of all arts2fro, solo wor- to
co,,unity singing, fro, solitary violin )u)il to a full brass band. @n our )arty7s arrival,
Bucy, Ioris and Virginia, hurrying fro, classroo,s, sang, in trio, that soft, slow Italian
song, 3@ &olo $io+4 and, as Gadsby )roudly said, 3"ot for ,any a day had such ,usic
rung out in :ranton !ills+4 for ,ost girls, if in training with a )ractical vocalist, can sing+
and ,ost char,ingly.
In a far roo, was a big string outfit of banJos, ,andolins and guitars, ha))ily stru,,ing
out a s,art, throbbing &)anish fandango, until !is !onor could not avoid a swinging of
body and ta))ing of foot+ causing Bady Gadsby to laugh, saying:*
3#hyth, has a ,ighty gri) on Kulus, I a, told.4
o which our swaying $ayor said:*
3Anyway, a Kulu has a lot of fun out of it. If singing, )laying and dancing could only
crowd out sitting around and ,o)ing, fol-s would find that a Kulu can hand us a ti) or
two on ha))y living.4
:ut all ,usic is not of string for,+ so, in a big auditoriu,, our )arty found a full brass
band of about fifty boys, with a ,an fro, :ranton !ills7 $unici)al :and as instructor.
"ow as Gadsby was, as you boys say, 3not at all bad4 on a big bass horn in his youthful
days, this band instructor, thin-ing of it, was as-ing hi, to 3sit it4 and )lay. &o, as Bady
Gadsby, two girls, and two sons*in*law sat s,iling and giggling in a front row, and as fifty
boys could hardly )lay, fro, laughing, that big horn got such a blasting that it was
)ractically a horn solo/ And "ancy, doubling u) fro, giggling, said:2 3I*d*daddy/ If*f*f*f
:*b*b*barnu,7s circus hits town, you ,ust Join its cl*cl*clown band/4
:ut I had to rush this ha))y )arty out of that building, as an awful thing was occurring
but a bloc- fro, it+ which told its own story by a lurid light, flashing through windows+
clanging gongs, shrilling horns and running, shouting crowds+ for an old, long*vacant
factory building Just across fro, 'ity !all, was bla9ing furiously. #ushing along
:roadway was that 3,otor thing,4 with 'lancy and Iowd clinging wildly on a running
board. (ulling u) at a hydrant, 'lancy said to !is !onor:*
3As I was a*hangin7 onto this do, thing, a*thin-in7 it was going to bang into a big Ja, at
two crossroads, I says, 8:y Gorra/ that big )air of blac-s wouldn7t bang into nuthin7/ :ut
this curra9y contra)tion/ It ain7t got no brain2no nuthin, no soul2nuthin7 but halitosis//74
As Gadsby too- a long loo- at 'lancy7s 3do, thing, a vision was wafting through his
,ind of a cal,, sunny )atch of land, way out in :ranton !ills7 suburbs, on which day by
day, two big blac-s and two big roans could2anyway, ta-ing all things into account, a big
conflagration, with its din, rush and )anic, is no s)ot for such ani,als as :ig Cour.4 As for
@ld :ill7s s1uaw- about ani,als 3ruining our )aving,4 Gadsby thought that was but s,all
tal-, for )aving, anyway, can7t last for long. :ut, that is a glorious s)ot, way out a,ongst
our hills/
Gadsby too- his )arty to a roo, in 'ity !all fro, which that burning factory was in )lain
sight+ and as "ancy and Lathlyn stood watching that awful sight a big wall, crashing
down, had a crowd rushing to that s)ot.
A ,an7s for, was brought out to a )atrol wagon+ and a boy, rushing )ast 'ity !all, sang
out to Gadsby
3It7s @ld $an Ionaldson/4 iny "ancy, al,ost swooning, said:2
3Ionaldson6 @h, Lathy/ hat7s Bucy7s Iad, of 'o,)any wo, you -now/4 and Cran- and
Fohn &,ith shot wildly downstairs to find out about it. In an instant a sobbing girlish for,
was dashing ,adly fro, that "ight &chool building towards our $unici)al !os)ital. It
was Bucy+ bright, always laughing Bucy+ but half an hour ago singing so ha))ily in that
girls7 trio.
As that big factory was still bla9ing furiously, Cran- and Fohn, co,ing in, said:2
3It was only a scal) wound, and a s)rung wrist. Bucy is co,ing u)stairs, now.4 Bucy,
co,ing in, badly blown fro, running and fright, said:*
3hat wall caught Iaddy+ but it was so old and thin it didn7t crush hi,. @h/ !ow I worry
if that alar, rings/4
3:ut,4 )ut in "ancy, 3it7s ,an7s wor-. (shaw// What good a, I6 Why, I couldn7t do a thing
around that factory, right now/ Boo- at ,y ar,/ About as big as a ball bat/4 and as Cran-
too- that sad, tiny for, in his ar,s, Gadsby said:2
3All throughout "atural !istory, "ancy, you will find ,an built big and strong, and
wo,an s,all and frail. hat is so that ,an can obtain food for his fa,ily, and that wo,an
,ay nourish his offs)ring. :ut today, I a, sorry to say, you7ll find girls wor-ing hard, in
gy,nasiu,s, fondly ho)ing to attain ,an7s ,uscular )arity. !ow silly// It7s going straight
against all natural laws. Girls can find a lot of bodily good in gy,nasiu,s, I7ll ad,it/ but
not that ,uch. And as for your 8ball*bat7 ar,, as you call it, what of it6 0ou7d loo- grand,
now wouldn7t you, with Cran-7s big oa-*branch ar,s hanging way down to your shins.
:ut that ball*bat ar, can curl around your tiny baby as softy as a down )illow. Aw,
darling/ Ion7t say you can7t do anything+ for I -now you can. !ow about our old
@rgani9ation of 0outh days6 0ou, 24
And "ancy, now laughing, said, gaily:2
3@ho/ @ur old @rgani9ation/ What fun it was/ :ut, Iaddy, I don7t -now of any young
crowd following us u).4
3"o. @ur young fol-s of today thin- such things too ,uch wor-+4 and, as that old factory
was but a ,ass of ruins now, and ,idnight was a))roaching, Gadsby7s fa,ily was soon in
that ,ythical Band of "od, in which no horns blow, no s)ar-s fall+ only occasionally a soft
gurgling fro, a crib in "ancy7s bungalow.
NIN EA)ril and $ay ;D;GH
I I& A" @II -in- of hu,anity which cannot find any valuation in s)ots of natural glory.
:ut such -in-s do run riot in $an7s ,ind, occasionally, and :ranton !ills ran u) against
such, on a 'ouncil night+ for a bill was brought u) by @ld :ill &i,)-ins for dis)osal of
'ity (ar- to a land co,)any, for building lots/ At first word of such a thought, Gadsby
was totally du,b, fro, an actual i,)ossibility of thin-ing that any ,an, bringing u) such
a bill, wasn7t )lu,b cra9y/
3What/ @ur ,ain (ar-+ including our Koo64
3Fust that,4 said &i,)-ins. 3Fust a big )atch of land, and a foolish batch of ani,als that do
nobody any good. 0ou can7t hitch a lion u) to a city*du,) cart, you -now+ nor a
hi))o)ota,us to a )atrol wagon. What good is that bunch of hair and horns, anyway6
And that )ar-/ Wait// Fust grass, grass, grass/ :ranton !ills )ays for )lanting that grass,
)ays for s)rin-ling it, )ays for cutting it2and throws it away/ &o I say, )ut it into building
lots, and draw good, solid cash fro, it.4
An Italian 'ouncil,an, ony :anda,ita was actually boiling during this outburst+ and, in
a flash, as &i,)-ins 1uit, was u), shouting:2
3I gotta four ba,binos. $y ba,binos )laya in thatta )ar-: run, Ju,)a and rolla. Grow
bigga an strong. $y wo,an say no coulda do thatta if )laya all day on bric-a wal-s. I say
no buncha land shar-s buya thatta (ar-// !ow ,any you guys go to it, anyway6 !uh6
"otta ,any/ :ut go// Wal- around+ sniffa its blosso,s+ loo- at grand busha+ sit on softa
grass/ 0ou do thatta, an7 I -now you not stic- no building on it//4
&o, at $ayor Gadsby7s instigation, 'ouncil did not ballot on &i,)-ins7 bill+ and said it
would go, as ony thought only right, and 3loo- atta gooda busha.4
In a day or two this )o,)ous body of solons was strolling about that big )ar-. "o ,an
with half a ,ind could fail to thrill at its vistas of shrubs, )onds, lawns, arbors, fancy fowl,
s,all )avilions and curving shady )athways. As Gadsby was 3ta-inga his owna loo-a,4
@ld :ill &i,)-ins, co,ing a*snorting and a*fussing along, sang out, gruffly:*
3All right+ this is it/ his is that grand )atch of grass that )ays :ranton !ills no ta5/4
:ut Gadsby was thin-ing2and thin-ing hard, too. Cinally saying:2
3:ill, su))osing that any day you should wal- along that big (athway -nown in &unday
&chool as 8@ur &traight :ut "arrow Way.7 0ou would find co,ing towards you, all sorts of
fol-s: a -ing, roaring )ast in his big chariot, a ca)italist with his bands full of bonds, an
old, old lady, on a crutch. &uch )assings would bring to you various thoughts. :ut,
su))osing it was a )ossibility that you saw :ill &i,)-ins co,ing your way. Aha/ What an
o))ortunity to watch that grouchy old24
3hat what64
3I7ll say it again: that grouchy old crab. !ow you would gaw- at hi,, that ,ost i,)ortant
of all fol-s, to you. !ow you would loo- at his clothing, his hat, his boots/ hat individual
would )ass an in1uiry such as you had not thought it a )ossibility to )ut a ,an u)
against. :ill, I thin- that if you should )ass 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins on that :ig (athway,
you would say: 8What a grouchy old crittur that was/74
@ld :ill stood cal,ly during this oration, and, loo-ing around that big )ar-, said:2
3Fohn, you -now how to tal-, all right, all right. I7ll ad,it that things you say do do a lot of
good around this town. :ut if I should run across this guy you tal- about, on that
va)orous highway, or 8boardwal-7, as I should call it, 2 I7d say, right out good and loud:
8!i/ 0ou// !urry bac- to :ranton !ills and )ut u) a bloc- of buildings in that silly )ar-/74
and Gadsby, wal-ing away, saw that an inborn grouch is as hard to dig out as a wisdo,
tooth.
"ow this 'ouncil7s visit on this )articular day, was a sly )lan of Gadsby7s, for !is !onor
is, you -now, 0outh7s 'ha,)ion, and having -nown ,any an occasion on which 0outh
has won out against 'ouncil o))osition. &o, our big 'ity officials, strolling around that
)ar-, soon saw a s,ooth lawn u)on which sat, stood, or ran, al,ost a thousand s,all tots
of fro, four to si5. In dainty, fli,sy outfits, ,any carrying fairy wands, it was a sight so
char,ing as to thaw out a brass idol/ A,idst this ha))y )arty stood a tall shaft, or ,ast,
having hanging fro, its to) a thic- bunch of long ribbons, of )in-, lilac, gray, and si,ilar
dainty colors+ and around it stood thirty tots2 thirty tiny fists all agog to gras) thirty gay
ribbons. @ld :ill too- a loo-, and said, growlingly, to !is !onor:2
3What7s all this stuff, anyway64
3:ill, and :ranton !ills7 'ouncil,4 said Gadsby, 3today is $ay Iay2that day so sy,bolic
of budding blosso,s, ,ating birds and sunny s-y. 0ou all -now, or ought to, of that
char,ing custo, of childhood of toddling round and round a tall ,ast, in and out, in and
out,2thus winding gay ribbons about it in a s)iral. hat is but a s,all )art of what this
(ar- can do for :ranton !ills. :ut it is an i,)ortant )art+ for ha))y childhood grows u)
into ha))y adults, and ha))y adults4 2loo-ing right at 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins2 3can
for, a ha))y 'ity 'ouncil.4
"ow a -id is always a -id+ and a -id -nows Just how any s)ort should go. &o, Just by luc-,
a tot who was to hold a gay ribbon didn7t show u)+ and that big ring stood waiting, for
that round*and*round ,arch Just couldn7t start with a ribbon hanging down/ :ut a -id7s
,ind is ,ighty 1uic- and shar)+ and a s,all tot of four had that -ind of ,ind, saying:2
3@h/ hat last ribbon/ Isn7t anybody going to hold it64
"ow historians shouldn7t laugh. !istorians should only )ut down what occurs. :ut I, your
historian of :ranton !ills, not only had to laugh, but to roar+ for this tot, worrying about
that hanging ribbon, saw our big )o,)ous 'ouncil grou) loo-ing on. "ow a 'ouncil is
nothing to a tot of four+ Just a ,an or two, standing around. &o, trotting u) and gras)ing
@ld :ill7s hand, this tot said:
30ou7ll hold it, won7t you64
3What//4 and &i,)-ins was all colors on throat and brow as :ranton !ills7 'ouncil stood,
grinning. :ut that baby chin was straining u), and a )air of baby ar,s was )ulling, oh, so
hard+ and, in a sort of co,a, big, )o,)ous, grouchy 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins too- that
hanging ribbon/ A band struc- u) a 1uic- ,arch, and round and round trod that ha))y,
singing ring, with @ld :ill loo,ing u) as big as a ,ountain a,ongst its foothills/ Baugh6 I
thought !is !onor would burst/
As that ribbon s)iral got wound, &i,)-ins, co,ing bac-, said, with a growl:*
3I was afraid I would tra,) on a -id or two in that silly stunt.4
3It wasn7t silly, :ill,4 said Gadsby. 3It was grand/4 And ony :anda,ita sang out:2
3Gooda wor-, 'ouncil,anna/ $y four ba,binos wal-a right in fronta you, and twista
ribbons/4
&i,)-ins, though, would only snort, and )ass on.
NN EFuly ;D;GH
@" A WA#$ &unday, Lathlyn and Fulius, )o-ing around in :ranton !ills7 suburbs,
occasionally found an odd for,ation of fossili9ation, installing it a,idst our !all of
"atural !istory7s dis)lays. &hortly following such an installation, a fa,ous savant on
volcanic activity noting a ,ost )ro)itious roc- for,ation a,ongst Fulius7 grou)s, thought
of cutting into it+ for ordinary, ,ost )rosaic roc-s ,ay contain sur)rising infor,ation+ and,
u)on arriving at :ranton !ills7 railway station, ran across old (at #yan, c9ar of its trun-
roo,.
3Ah, ,y ,an/ I want to find a la)idary.4
3A what64
3It isn7t a 8what,7 it7s a la)idary.4
3Ba)idary, is it6 Ba)idary, la)idary, la)i2 la)i2la2. "o, I24
"ow this savant was in a hurry, and said, sna))ily:*
3:ut a city as big as :ranton !ills has a la)idary, I trust/4
3@h, :ranton !ills has a lot of things. :ut, wait a bit/ It ain7t a lavatory what you want, is
it64
:ut at this instant, to old (at7s salvation, Lathlyn, )assing by, said:2
3All right, (at. I -now about this+4 and, both ta-ing a ta5i, old (at wal-ing round and
round, scratching his bald crown, was ,ur,uring:
3Ba)id2Aho/ I got it/ It7s )robably a crittur u) at that 9oo/ I ain7t forgot that ho), s-i) and
Ju,), wallo)ing Australian tornado/ And now !is !onor has )ut in a la)idary// I thin- I7ll
go u) with that old canvas bag/ :ut why all sich high*brow stuff in na,ing critturs6 his
la)idary thing ,ight turn out only a rat, or a goofy bug/4
:ut that fairy bug, Ian 'u)id, goofy or not, as you wish, was bu99ing around again+ and,
though this story is not of wild, ro,antic infatuations, in which rival villains fight for a fair
lady7s hand, I a, bound to say that 'u)id has )ut on an act varying ,uch fro, his wor-s
in Gadsby7s ,ansion+ for this arrow fro, his bow caught two young fol-s to who, a
dollar bill was as long, broad and high as 'ity !all. :oth had to wor- for a living+ but by
saving a bit, off and on, &arah 0oung, who, you -now, with (riscilla &tandish first thought
of our "ight &chool, and (aul Fohnson, who did odd Jobs around town, such as caring for
lawns, )ainting and 3,an*of*all*wor-,4 had )ut by a s,all ban- account. (aul was an
or)han, as was &arah, who had grown u) with a -indly old ,an, o, 0oung+ his 3old
wo,an,4 dying at about &arah7s fourth birthday. >hat word 3old wo,an4, is co,,on
a,ongst Irish fol-s, and is not at all ungracious. It had to crawl into this story, through
orthogra)hical taboos, you -now.? :ut &arah, now a grown young lady, had that natural
longing for a s)ot in which a wo,an ,ight find that Joy of living, in having 3things to do
for Just us two4 if bound by 'u)id7s gift2,atri,ony.
$any a day in )assing that big church of "ancy7s grand dis)lay, or Gadsby7s rich ,ansion,
&arah had thought fondly about such things+ for, as with any girl, ,arrying a,idst
blosso,s, gla,our and organ ,usic was a goal, to attain which was actual bliss. :ut such
rituals call for cash+ and lots of it, too. Also, @ld o, 0oung had no roo, in any way fit for
such an occasion.
&o &arah would wal- )ast, )ossibly a bit sad, but loo-ing forward to a co,ing ha))y day.
And it wasn7t so far off. $y, no/ As "ancy had thought A)ril was 3a ,illion ,onths long,4
&arah7s days swung )ast in a di99y whirl+ during which, in co,)any with (aul on
&aturday nights, a s,all thing or two was ha))ily bought for that 3'u)id7s 'oo),4 as both
found a lot of fun in calling it. :ut &arah naturally had girl chu,s, Just as "ancy and
Lathlyn had+ for ,ost of that old @rgani9ation was still in town+ and ,any a gift found its
way to this girl who, though )oor in worldly goods, was as rich as old Ling $idas in a
bright, ha))y dis)osition+ for anybody who didn7t -now that ,agic ca)tivation of &arah
0oung7s laugh, that rich crown of light, fluffy hair, or that grand, )roud, u)right wal-,
wasn7t a,ongst :ranton !ills7 )o)ulation. (aul, scratching around shady )aths, a )otato
)atch or two, front yards, bac- yards, and city )ar-s, was -nown to ,any an old fa,ily
,an+ who u)on -nowing of his co,ing variation in living conditions, thought way, way
bac- to his own ro,antic youth+ so (aul, going to &arah at night, brought s,all but
)ractical gifts for that 3coo).4
As &arah and (aul stood in front of 'ity !all on a hot Fuly night, &arah scanning :ranton
!ills7 3(ost4 for 3vacant roo,s,4 who should wal- u) but !is !onor/ And that -indly
hand shot out with:*
3Aha/ If it isn7t (aul and &arah/ What7s &arah hunting for, (aul64
3&arah is loo-ing for a roo, for us, sir.4
3%s6 Iid you say 8us76 @ho/ !*,,,/ I7, on/ !ow soon will you want it64
3@h,4 said &arah, blushing, 3not for about a ,onth.4
3:ut,4 said !is !onor, 3you shouldn7t start out in a roo,. 0ou would want fro, four to
si5, I should thin-.4
&arah, still ogling that 3roo,s4 colu,n, said, softly:*
3Cour to si5 roo,s6 hat7s Just grand if you can afford such. :ut, 24
3Wait/4 said Gadsby, who, ta-ing (aul7s and &arah7s ar,s, and strolling along, told of a
s,all si5*roo, bungalow of his, Just around fro, "ancy7s.
3And you two will )ay Just nothing a ,onth for it. It7s yours, fro, front )orch to roof to),
as a gift to two of ,y ,ost loyal )als.4
And instantly a co)y of :ranton !ills7 3(ost4 was blowing across :roadway in a flu-y Fuly
wind/
"ow, as this young )air was to start out frugally, it wouldn7t do to lay out too ,uch for, as
&arah said, 3about forty words by a )astor, and a -iss.4
&o only (riscilla stood u) with &arah+ and :ill Gadsby, in all his sartorial glory, with (aul,
in (arson :rown7s s,all study+ both girls in dainty ,orning clothing+ &arah carrying a
bunch of gay nasturtiu,s, clai,ing that such war,, bright colorings would add as ,uch
char, to that short occasion as a thousand dollars7 worth of orchids. "ow, such girls as
&arah, with that ca)acity for finding satisfaction so si,)ly, don7t grow as abundantly as
hollyhoc-s 2 and (aul found that Gadsby7s old @rgani9ation was a grou) -nowing what
a dollar is: Just a dollar.
NNI E;D;GH
@''A&I@"ABB0 A &IG! bobs u) without warning in a city, which starts a train of
thought, sad or gay, according to how you loo- at it. And so, Bucy, (riscilla, and Virginia
Ada,s, wal-ing along :roadway, saw a crowd around a la,) )ost, u)on which was a
)atrol*bo5+ and, though our girls don7t custo,arily follow u) such sights, Bucy saw a
,an7s for, s)rawling flat u) against that )ost, as li,) as a rag. (riscilla said, in disgust:2
3%gh// It7s "or,an Antor/ Irun- again//4 and Virginia, hastily gras)ing both girls7 ar,s
and hurrying )ast, said:2
3&o// !is vacation in Jail didn7t do hi, any good/ :ut, still, it7s too bad. "or,an is a good
loo-ing, ,anly lad, with a good ,ind and a thorough schooling. And now loo- at hi,/ A
co,,on drun-//4
(riscilla was sad, too, saying:2 3Awful/ Awful for so young a cha). What is his Iad doing
now64
3&till in Jail,4 was all Virginia could say+ adding sadly: 3I do )ity )oor young $ary, who
sold Antor7s li1uor, you -now. Ioris says that lots of school*girls snub that -id. "ow that7s
not right. It7s downright horrid/ $ary was brought u) in what you al,ost ,ight call a
)ool of li1uor, and I don7t call it fair to snub a child for that+ for you -now that, not only
8(ast7 'ouncil,an Antor, but also $ada, Antor, got what our boys call 8litu)7 on ,any
)ublic occasions. Antor7s )antry was full of it/ Which way could that )oor -id loo-
without finding it6 0ou -now $ary is not so old as ,ost of us+ and I7, Just going to go to
that child and try to bring a ray of co,fort into that young ,ind. hat ru,*gu99ling Antor
fa,ily// %gh//4
Q Q Q Q
:ut a city also has a,using sights+ and our trio ran )lu,) into that -ind, Just around a
turn+ for, standing on a soa) bo5, shouting a high*sounding Jargon of ra)idly shot words,
was Arthur #an-in, an original @rgani9ation lad+ a crowd of boys, a ,an or two, and a
wo,an hanging laughingly around. @ur trio7s first in-ling as to what it was all about was
Arthur7s hail to (riscilla:2
3Aha/ :ranton !ills7 fair wo,anhood is now a))roaching//4
"ow if our trio didn7t -now Arthur so thoroughly, such girls ,ight bal- at this )ublicity.
:ut (riscilla and Arthur had had ,any a 3sla))ing ,atch4 long ago, arising fro,
childhood7s s)ats+ (riscilla originally living on an adJoining lot, and was Arthur7s 3first
girl+4 which, according to his old Aunt Anna, 3was Just silly )u))y stuff/4 &o nobody
thought anything of this )ublic hail and Arthur was raving on about 3which )uts an
instant sto) to all )ain+ will rid you of anything fro, dandruff to ingrowing nails+ will
build u) a strong body fro, a )uny runt+ will grow hair on a billiard*ball scal), and taboo
it on a lady7s chin+ will )ut a gla,orous gloss on tooth or nail+ sto) sto,ach growls+ oil u)
-in-y Joints, and bring you to ha))y, s,iling days of %to)ian bliss/ !ow ,any, (riscilla6
@nly a dollar a bo5+ two for dollar*si5ty/4
(riscilla, laughing, said:2
3"ot any today, than- you, Art/ All I want is a )air of Juicy la,b cho)s2a dish of onions
2 a dish of s1uash 2 a dish of carrots 2 a )int of ,il- 2 )otato*chi)s 2 hot biscuits 2
cold slaw 2 custard )udding 2 nuts 2 raisins 24
3Whoa, (riscilla/ !o) right u) on this bo5/ I -now that word*slinging ability of old4 and
as that crowd was fading away, (riscilla said:
3his is odd wor- for you, Arthur+ you so good a draughts,an. What7s u)64
And Arthur, a ha))y, rollic-ing boy, having always had all such things as ,ost boys had,
with a Iad ,a-ing good )ay as a railroad conductor, told sadly of an awful railway
s,ash*u) which too- 3Iad4 away fro, four s,all #an-in or)hans, who, Arthur was
now su))orting+ and a scarcity of Jobs in :ranton !ills and of tri)s to surrounding towns,
always finding that old sign out: 3"o Wor- oday.4 @f this soa) bo5 o))ortunity bobbing
u), which was now bringing in good cash. &o our girls found that our :ranton !ills boys
didn7t shir- wor- of any -ind, if brought right u) against want.
NNII E;D;GH
:% W!A A:@% :ranton !ills7 ,unici)al affairs, right now6 In two ,onths it was to
ballot on who should sit in )ast*'ouncil,an Antor7s chair+ and a ca,)aign was on which
was actually si99ling. And in what a contrast to our city7s start/ Cor it has grown ra)idly+
and, in co,)arison to that day u)on which a thousand ballots was a big out*)ouring of
)o)ular cla,or now ,any )oliticians had 'ity !all as)irations. And who do you thin-
was running for 'ouncil, now6 Willia, Gadsby. (o)ularly -nown as :ill/ :ill, :ranton
!ills7 fa,ous dandy+ :ill, that consu,,ation of all :ranton !ills girls7 ,ost ro,antic
wish+ :ill, that 3outdoor )art4 of :ranton !ills7 ,ost aristocratic tailor sho)/ "aturally,
o))osing grou)s fought for that vacancy+ )art of our )o)ulation cla,oring loudly for :ill,
but with ,any Just as strongly against hi,. &o it was:2
3(ut :ill Gadsby in// :ill has all our $ayor7s good )oints/ :ill will wor- for all that is
u)right and good/4
And also:2
3What/ :ill Gadsby6 Is this town )lu,b cra9y6 &ay/ If you )ut that fo) in 'ity !all you7ll
find all its railings fla))ing with )in- satin ribbons+ a Janitor at its ,ain door, s1uirting
vanilla on all who go in+ and its front lawn will turn into a )ansy far,/ (ut a ,an in 'ity
!all, not a sissy who thin-s out 8u)sy*downsy, insy*outsy7 ca,)ing suits for girls/4
:ut though this didn7t annoy :ill, it did stir u) "ancy, with:2
3@h/ hat7s Just an abo,ination/ &uch tal- about so grand a young cha)/ :ut I Just saw a
billboard with a sign saying: 8:ill Gadsby for 'ouncil+7 so, )robably I shouldn7t worry, for
:ill is as good as in.4
3:aby,4 said Gadsby, -indly, 3that7s only a billboard, and billboards don7t )ut a ,an in
'ity !all. It7s ballots, darling+ thousands of ballots, that fill 'ouncil chairs.4
3:ut, Iaddy, I7, going to root for :ill. I7ll stand u) on a stu,), or in a ti)*cart, or 24
3Whoa/ Wait a bit/4 and Gadsby sat down by his 3baby girl,4 saying: 30ou can7t go on a
stu,)ing ca,)aign without -nowing a lot about ,unici)al affairs+ which you don7t. Any
antagonist who -nows about such things would out*tal- you without half trying. "o,
darling, this )olitical stuff is too big for you. 0ou Just loo- out for things in that s,all
bungalow of yours, and allow :ranton !ills to fight to )ut :ill in. 0ou -now ,y old
slogan:2 8$an at a city7s front+ wo,an at a cabin door.74
And "ancy, fondly stro-ing his hand, said:
3$an at a city7s front/ What a grand )ost for a ,an/ A city, a big, rushing, dashing,
sla,,ing, banging, boiling ,ass of hu,anity/ A city+ with its bright, ha))y, sunny )ar-s+
and its sad, dar- slu,s+ its rich ,ansions and its shanty*town shac-s+ its sho)s, inns,
shows, courts, air)orts, railway stations, hos)itals, schools, church grou)s, social clubs,
and, 2 and, 2 @h/ What a ,agic visuali9ation of hu,an thought it is/ :ut it is as a s,all
child. It loo-s for a strong ar, to su))ort its first toddlings+ for adult ,inds to )ilot it
around ,any )itfalls: and onward, onward// o a shining goal//4 and "ancy7s crown of
rich brown hair san- lovingly in Gadsby7s la).
Iuring this outburst Gadsby had sat du,b+ but finally saying, )roudly:2
3&o, ho/ $y baby girl has grown u)/ Iolls and sand*digging tools don7t call, as of old. And
s,all, dirty )aws, and a tiny s,udgy chin, transfor,, al,ost in a twin-ling into char,ing
hands and a chin of ,aturity. $y, ,y/ It was but a ,onth or two ago that you, in )ig*tails
and gingha, 24
3"o, Iaddy/ It was a ,ighty long ,onth or two ago+ and it7s not )ig*tails and gingha,,
now, but a husband and a baby.4
3All right, -id+ but as you grow old, you7ll find that, in glancing bac-wards, ,onths loo-
,ighty short+ and s,all tots grow u), al,ost in a night. A ,onth fro, now loo-s awfully
far off: but last ,onth6 (ff/ hat was only last night/4
hus did "ancy and !is !onor tal-, until a vigorous hon-ing at his curb told of Cran-,
3loo-ing for a coo-,4 for it was si5 o7cloc-.
NNIII EAutu,n ;D;GH
A"0 $A" WI! so -indly a dis)osition toward 0outh as has brought our $ayor
forward in :ranton !ills7 history, ,ay, without warning, run across an occasion which
holds an o))ortunity for adding a bit of Joy in living. &o, as Gadsby stood, on a chilly fall
day, in front of that big glass building which was built for a city florist, ad,iring a
char,ing dis)lay of blosso,ing )lants, a s,all girl, still in Gra,,ar &chool, said, shyly:2
3!ulloa.4
3!ulloa, you. &chool out64
3@n &aturdays, school is always out.4
3hat7s so+ it is &aturday, isn7t it6 Going in64
3In// $y, no/ I can7t go into that fairyland/4
3"o6 Why not, )ray64
3Aw/ I dunno+ but nobody has too- -ids4
3oo-6 oo-6 &ay, young lady, you ,ust study your gra,,ar boo-. :ranton !ills schools
don7t 24
3%h*huh+ I -now. :ut a -id Just can7t24
3:y golly/ A -id can/ Grab ,y hand.4
"ow, ,any a fairy boo- has told, in glowing words, of childhood7s Joys and thrills at
a,a9ing sights+ but no fairy boo- could show, in cold )rint, what Gadsby ran u) against
as that big door shut, and a child stood stoc- still2and du,b/ wo s,all ar,s hung
li,)ly down, against a )oor, oh, so )oor s-irt+ and two big staring brown orbs too- in that
vision of floral glory, which is found in Just that -ind of a big glass building on a cold, raw
autu,n day.
Gadsby said not a word+ slowly strolling down a )ath a,idst thousands of gladioli+
around a turn, and u) a )ath, along which stood )ots and )ots of fuchsias, salvias and
cannas+ and to a cross*)ath, down which was a big flat )ansy )atch, tubs of blosso,ing
lilacs, and stiff, straight carnations. "ot a word fro, Gadsby, for his ,ind was on that
s,all bunch of ra)turous Joy Just in front of hi,. :ut, finally, Just to )ry a bit into that baby
,ind, !is !onor said:2
3Boo-s -ind of good, don7t it64
A tiny for, shrun- down about an inch+ and an also tiny boso,, rising and falling in a
thralldo, of bliss, finally )ut forth a long, long,2
3@*h*h*h*h//4
It was so long that Gadsby was in a 1uandary as to how such s,all lungs could hold it.
"ow in watching this tot thrilling at its first visit to such a world of floral glory, Gadsby
got what boys call 3a hunch+4 and said:2
30ou don7t find blosso,s in your yard this ,onth, do you64
If you -now childhood you -now that thrills don7t last long without a call for infor,ation.
And Gadsby got such a call, with:2
3"o, sir. Is this God7s )arlor64
"ow Gadsby wouldn7t, for anything, s)oil a childish thought+ so said, -indly:2
3It7s )art of it. God7s )arlor is awfully big, you -now.4
3$y )arlor is awfully s,all+ and not any bloss 2 @h/ Wouldn7t God 264
Gadsby7s hunch was now wor-ing, full tilt+ and so, as this loving fa,ily ,an, having had
four -ids of his own, and this tot fro, a )oor fa,ily with its 3awfully s,all4 )arlor, 2
had trod this big glass building7s )aths again and again+ round and round, an al,ost
,onstrous sigh fro, an al,ost bursting tiny boso,, said
3I7ll thin- of God7s )arlor, always and always and always//4 and Gadsby, on glancing
u)wards, saw a distinct droo)ing and curving of ,any stal-s+ which is a )lant7s way of
bowing to a child. And, at :ranton !ills7 following 'ouncil night a ,otion was2 :ut I
said Gadsby had a hunch. &o, not only this schoolgirl7s awfully s,all )arlor, but ,any
such throughout :ranton !ills7 )oor districts, soon found a 3big girl4 fro, Gadsby7s
original @rgani9ation of 0outh at its front door with )lants fro, that big glass building, in
which our 'ity Clorist wor-s in God7s )arlor. >(.&. Go with a child to your 'ity Clorist7s big
glass building. It7s a duty/?
NNIV E&)ring ;D;MH
I A$ "@W G@I"G bac- to ,y saying that a city has all -inds of goings*on+ both sad and
gay. &o, as !is !onor sat on his )orch on a war, s)ring day, a )aragra)h in :ranton !ills7
3(ost4 brought forth such a vigorous 3!uh/4 that Bady Gadsby was curious, as-ing:
3What is it64
&o Gadsby said:2 3What do you thin- of this6 It says:2 8In a wild swaying dash down
:roadway last night at ,idnight, )ast*'ouncil,an Antor7s car hit a hydrant, -illing hi,
and $ada, Antor instantly. !ighway (atrol,an !arry Grant, who was chasing that car
in fro, our suburbs, says both horribly drun-, Antor gra9ing four cars, $ada, shouting
and singing wildly, with Grant arriving too tardily 2 to ward off that final crash.74
"ow Bady Gadsby was, first of all, a wo,an+ and so got u) 1uic-ly*, saying:2
3@h// I ,ust go down to )oor young $ary, right off4 and Gadsby sat ta))ing his foot,
saying:*
3&o Antor7s )antry )robably still holds that stuff. oo bad. :ut, oh, that darling $ary/ Fust
got into !igh &chool/ "ot long ago Bucy told us of girls snubbing that -id+ but I trust that,
fro, this horror, our :ranton !ills girls will turn fro, snubbing to )ity. his account says
that $ada, Antor also was drun-. A wo,an drun-// And riding with a ru,*sot ,an at a
car7s controls/ Wo,an/ Cro, !istory7s dawn, $an7s soft, fond, loving )al/ Wo,an/ Cor
who, wars of blood and agony cut $an down as you would ,ow a lawn/ Wo,an/ o
who, infancy and childhood loo- for all that is u)right and good/ It7s too bad+ too bad/4
As in all such affairs you will always find two factions tal-ing. al-ing about what6 Fust
now, about "or,an Antor. What would this wi)ing out of his fol-s do to hi,6 "or,an
was now living with $ary and two aunts who, co,ing fro, out of town, would try to
)lan for our two or)hans+ try to )lan for "or,an+ "or,an, brought u) in a )ool of li1uor/
"or,an: tall, dar- and ,anly and with a ,ost ingratiating dis)osition if not drun-. :ut
nobody could say. A grou) would clai, that 3this fatality will bring hi, out of it+4 but his
antagonists thought that 3hat guy will always drin-.4
A day or two fro, that crash, "ancy, co,ing into Gadsby7s )arlor, found Bucy tal-ing
with Bady Gadsby, Bucy as-ing:2
3"ancy, who is with young $ary Antor now6 hat )air of aunts wouldn7t stay, with all
that li1uor around.4
3I Just found out,4 said "ancy. 3$ary is living with @ld Bady Clanagan4 and Bucy, though
sad, had to laugh Just a bit, saying:2
3!a, ha/ @ld Bady Clanagan/ What a circus I had trying to )ry a 9oo donation fro, that
)oor soul7s s-i,)y funds/ :ut, "ancy, $ary is in ,ighty good hands. hat loving old Irish
lady is a tru,)/4
NNV ECro, A)ril ;D;MH
AB@"G I" A(#IB, Gadsby sat finishing his ,orning toast as a boy, rushing in, )ut a
3(ost4 on his la) with a wild, boyish gas) of:2
3$y gosh, $ayor Gadsby, Boo-//4 and Gadsby saw a word about a foot high. It was W * A
* #. Bady Gadsby saw it also, slowly sin-ing into a chair. At that instant both "ancy and
Lathlyn burst frantically in, "ancy lugging :aby Billian, now al,ost two, and a big load
for so s,all a wo,an, "ancy gas)ing out:*
3Iaddy// $ust :ill and Fulius and Cran- and Fohn, 24
Gadsby )ut down his 3(ost4 and, )ulling "ancy down onto his la), said:2
3"ancy darling, :ill and Fulius and Cran- and Fohn ,ust. @ld Glory is calling, baby, and
no :ranton !ills boy will bal- at that call. It7s awful, but it7s a fact, now.4
Bady Gadsby said nothing, but "ancy and Lathlyn saw an ashy )allor on that ,atronly
brow+ and Gadsby going out without waiting for his custo,ary -iss.
Cor what you ,ight call an instant, :ranton !ills, in blan-, blac- gloo,, stood stoc- still.
:ut not for long. Iays got to flashing )ast, with that awful sight of girls, out to lunch,
saying:2
3Cour fro, our sho)+ and that big cotton ,ill has forty*si5 who will go,4
With Virginia saying:2
3About all that our boys tal- about is unifor,s, )ay, trans)ortation, ar,y cor)s, divisions,
naval s1uadrons, and so on.4
An occasional :ranton !ills )olitician thought that it 3,ight blow out in a ,onth or two+4
but your !istorian -nows that it didn7t+ all of that 3blowing4 consisting of blasts fro, that
,ilitary clarion, calling for ,obili9ation.
Q Q Q
Iays/ Iays/ Iays/ Cinally, on $ay Courth, that day of tiny "ancy7s big church ritual, you
-now+ that day, u)on which any wo,an would loo- bac- with ro,antic Joy, "ancy, with
Lathlyn, Bady Gadsby and !is !onor, stood at :ranton !ills7 big railway station, at which
our $unici)al :and was drawn u)+ in bac- of which stood, in solid ran-s, this city7s grand
young ,anhood, :ill, Fulius, Cran-, Fohn, (aul and "or,an standing Just as straight and
rigid as any. As that long, long troo) train got its signal to start, * but you -now all about
such sights, going on daily, fro, our (acific coast to Atlantic doc-s.
As it shot around a turn, and Gadsby was wal-ing sadly toward 'ity !all, a Gra,,ar
&chool boy hurrying u) to hi, said:*
3Wow// I wish I could go to war/4
3!i/4 said Gadsby. 3If it isn7t Lid :an-s/4
3Aw/ 'ut that -id stuff/ I7, Allan :an-s/ &on of 'ouncil,an :an-s/4
3@h, )ardon. :ut you don7t want to go to war, boy.4
3Aw/ I do too//4
3:ut young boys can7t go to war.4
3I -now that+ and I wish this will last until I grow so I can go. It7s Just grand/ A big cannon
says :oo,/ :oo,/ and,24
3&it down on this wall, boy. I want to tal- to you.4
3All right. &hoot/4
3"ow loo-, Allan. If this war should last until you grow u), Just thin- of how ,any
thousands of troo)s it would -ill. !ow ,any grand, good lads it would )ut right out of
this world.4
3Gosh/ hat7s so, ain7t it/ I didn7t thin- of guys dyin7.4
3:ut a ,an has to thin- of that, Allan. And you will, as you grow u). $y two big sons Just
)ut off on that big troo) train. I don7t -now how long :ill and Fulius will stay away. 0our
big cannon ,ight go :oo,/ and hit :ill or Fulius. Io you -now Cran- $organ, (aul
Fohnson and Fohn &,ith6 All right+ that big cannon ,ight hit that trio, too. "obody can
say who a cannon will hit, Allan. "ow, you go right on through Gra,,ar &chool, and
grow u) into a big strong ,an, and don7t thin- about war+4 and Gadsby, standing and
ga9ing far off to :ranton !ills7 char,ing hill district, thought: 3I thin- that will bust u) a
wild young a,bition/4
:ut that -id, turning bac-, sang out:*
3&ay// If this scra) sto)s, and a big war starts,2Aha, boy/ 0ou Just watch Allan :an-s/ &on
of 'ouncil,an :an-s//4 and a s,all fist was )ounding viciously on an also s,all boso,.
3:y golly/4 said Gadsby, wal-ing away, 3that7s o,orrow tal-ing/4
Q Q Q
&o now this history will drift along+ along through days and ,onths+ days and ,onths of
that awful gnawing doubt+ actually a )arado5, for it was a 3conscious co,a+4 ,ornings on
which :ranton !ills7 icy blood shran- fro, loo-ing at our city7s 3(ost,4 for its casualty list
was ra)idly2too ra)idly,2growing. Iays and days of our girlhood and wo,anhood
rolling thousands of long, narrow cotton stri)s+ )ac-ing loving gifts fro, ,any a )antry+
"ancy and Lathlyn thin-ing constantly of Cran- and Fohn+ Bucy al,ost down and out
fro, worrying about (aul+ Lathlyn -nowing Just how Fulius is ,issing his !all of "atural
!istory, and how its staff is )raying for hi,+ "ancy7s radio shut down tight, for so ,uch
as a thought of &tation L:! was as a thrust of a sword. Iays. Iays. Iays of shouting
orators, blaring bands, troo)s fro, far away )ausing at our big railway station, as girls,
going through long trains of cars, too- doughnuts and hot drin-s. In Gadsby7s )arlor
window hung that fa,ous 3World War flag4 of nothing but stars+ nobody -nowing at
what instant a gold star would show u)on it. A star for :ill+ a star for Fulius. Ah, :ill/
:ranton !ills7 fo)/ :ill Gadsby now in an ill*fitting and un*stylish -ha-i unifor,.
Gadsby7s ,ansion had no brilliant night lights, now+ Just his )arlor la,) and a s,all light
or two in hallways or on stairways. @nly our $ayor and his Bady, now worrying,
worrying, worrying+ but both of good, staunch old 'olonial stoc-+ and 3carrying on4 with
good old (ly,outh #oc- stability+ and "ancy7s baby, Billian, too young to as- why
Grand,a 3wasn7t hungry,4 now+ and didn7t laugh so ,uch.
Lathlyn got into our big hos)ital, this studious young lady7s fa,ous biological and
,icrosco)ic ability holding out an o))ortunity for ,ost )ractical wor-+ for :ranton !ills7
shot*torn boys would soon start drifting in. And thus it was+ with Bucy, &arah and Virginia
ins)iring :ranton !ills7 wo,anhood to -nit, -nit, -nit/ 0ou saw -nitting on ,any a )orch+
-nitting in railway trains+ -nitting during band ,usic in 'ity (ar-+ -nitting in shady
arbors out at our big 9oo+ at ,any a wo,an7s club, 2 and, 2 actually, -nitting in church//
Cinally a big factory, down by our railway station, )ut out a call for 3anybody, ,an or
wo,an, who wants to wor- on ,unitions+4 and ,any a dainty :ranton !ills girl sat at
big, unfa,iliar sta,)ing, )unching, grinding, or )olishing outfits+ tiring frail young bac-s
and straining soft young hands+ -nowing that this factory7s out)ut ,ight 2 and )robably
would, 2rob a wo,an across that big Atlantic of a husband or son,2but, still, it is war/
Gadsby, s,o-ing on his ivy*clad )orch, as his Bady was industriously -nitting, said, in a
sort of solilo1uy:2
3War/ hat awful condition which a fa,ous ,ilitary ,an in co,,and of a division, long
ago, said was synony,ous with &atan and all his cohorts/ War/ hat awful condition of
hu,an ,inds co,ing down fro, way, way bac- of all history+ that vast void during
which sy,)athy was not -nown+ during which ani,als fought with tooth, claw or horn+
that vast void during which wounds had no soothing bal,, until thirst, agony or a final
swoon laid low a gigantic ,a,,oth, or a tiny, gas)ing fawn/ :ut now, again, in this grand
day of $an7s ,agically growing brain, this day of -indly crooning to infants in cribs+
-indly tal-s to boys and girls in school+ and blood*tingling orations fro, thousands of
)ul)its u)on that !oly 'o,,and: 8hou &halt "ot Lill,7 now, again, $an is out to -ill his
own -ind.4 And Bady Gadsby could only sigh.
NNVI E$arch and A)ril ;D;=H
A& !I& &@#0 !A& shown, 0outh, if adults will only ad,it that it has any brains at all,
will stand out, today, in a ,ost )ro,ising light. (hiloso)hically, 0outh is Wisdo, in
for,ation, and with ,any thoughts startling to adult ,inds+ and, industrially, this vast
World7s co,ing stability is now, today, in its bands+ growing slowly, as a blosso, grows
fro, its bud. If you will furnish hi, with a thorough schooling, you can )lan- down your
dollar that 0outh, starting out fro, this ,iraculous day, will not lag nor shir- on that
co,ing day in which old Joints, rusty and crac-ling, ,ust slow down+ and, calling for an
oil can, you will find that 0outh only, is that lubrication which can run o,orrow7s World.
:ut 0outh ,ust not go thin-ing that all its )lans will turn out all right+ and young $arian
!o)-ins found this out. $arian, you -now, too- )art in our air)ort initiation. :ut $arian,
only a -id at that day, has grown u)2or half*way u), anyway, and Just graduating fro,
Gra,,ar &chool+ u)on which big day a child 3-nows4 as ,uch as any fa,ous savant of
anti1uity/ :ut, as this story runs in s-i)s and Ju,)s, strict chronological continuity is not a
)ossibility. &o, $arian is now half grown u). "ow that big air)ort, as you also -now, was
Just bac- of $arian7s bac- yard+ and as that yard was ,uch too big for anything that
$arian7s Iad could do with it, it was )ut u) for dis)osal. :ut nobody would go to loo- at
it+ to say nothing of buying it. :ut @ld :ill &i,)-ins, )ast antagonist of Gadsby7s
@rgani9ation of 0outh, did go out to loo- at it+ but said, with his custo,ary growl
3oo ,any aircraft always roaring and 9oo,ing. oo far out of town. And you as- too
,uch for it, anyway.4
:ut $arian thought that :ranton !ills, as a ,unici)ality, should own it+ figuring that that
air)ort would grow, and that yard was )ractically a )art of it, anyway. &o $arian, going to
!is !onor, as about anybody in town did, without an instant7s dallying, 3told hi,,4 >/?
what his 'ouncil should do.
3:ut,4 said Gadsby, 3what a 'ity 'ouncil should do, and what it will do, don7t always
,atch u).4
3'an7t I go and tal- to it64
3What/ o our 'ouncil6 "o+ that is, not as a body. :ut if you can run across a 'ouncil,an
out of 'ity !all you can say what you wish. A 'ouncil,an is Just an ordinary ,an, you
-now.4 :ut a 'ouncil,an out of 'ity !all was a hard ,an to find+ and a child couldn7t go
to a ,an7s ,ansion to 3tal- hi, around.4 :ut, by grand luc-, in a ,onth or so, $arian did
find, and win, all but &i,)-ins.
@n 'ouncil night, &i,)-ins too- u) a good, 2 or I should say, bad 2 half hour against
:ranton !ills 3buying any old du,) or scra) land that is.
What this city )ut u). Was co,ing to64 and so on, and so on. And $arian7s bac- yard
wasn7t bought. "ow 0outh is all right if you rub its fur in a way which suits it+ but, ,an//
hold on to your hat, if you don7t// And $arian7s fur was all lu,)y. :oy/ was that -id
$AI//
"ow, Just by luc-, $arch thirty*first, co,ing along as days do, you -now, found $arian in
front of a toy sho) window, in which, way down front, was a bo5 of cigars, with a card
saying:
3his :rand Will &tart !is :lood ingling.4 And $arian, as boys say, was 3on4 in an
instant+ and bought a cigar. "ot a bo5, not a bunch, but Just a cigar. 'o,ing out $arian
saw !is !onor and &i,)-ins )assing+ &i,)-ins saying:*
3All right. I7ll dro) around, tonight.4 And was $arian ha))y6 Wait a bit.
hat night as Gadsby and &i,)-ins sat tal-ing in !is !onor7s )arlor, who would, 3Just by
luc-,4 >66? wal- in, but $arian+ saying, oh, so shyly:2
3Fust thought I7d dro) in to chat with "ancy,4 and, on )assing a couch, slyly laid that cigar
on it. "ow &i,)-ins, in addition to his fa,ous grouch, was a )arsi,onious old crab+ who,
though drawing good )ay as 'ouncil,an, couldn7t )ass u) anything that cost nothing+
and, in ga9ing around, saw that cigar+ and, with a big a)ologi9ing yawn, and slin-ing onto
that couch as a cat slin-s u) on a bird, and, oh, so nonchalantly lighting a ,atch, was soon
)uffing away and raving about :ranton !ills )olitics. @ut in a bac- )arlor sat $arian and
"ancy on a big divan, hugging tightly u), ar, in ar,, and al,ost suffocating fro,
holding bac- youthful antici)ations, as &i,)-ins said:2
32 and that !o)-ins bac- yard stunt/ #idiculous/ Why, his -id was out, trying to find all
of our 'ouncil to tal- it into buying. :ah/ And did I bloc- it6 I7ll say I did/ 0ou don7t find
-ids today laughing at 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins.4
An actual s)as, of giggling in that bac- )arlor had Gadsby loo-ing around, in1uiringly.
3"o, sir/4 &i,)-ins said. 3"o -id can fool 'oun24
:A"G//
Gadsby, Ju,)ing u) saw only a fra99ly cigar stu,) in @ld :ill7s ,outh, as that )al)itating
individual was vigorously brushing off falling s)ar-s as !is !onor7s rugs got a rain of
tobacco scra)s/ Gadsby was 3on4 in an instant, noticing $arian and "ancy rolling and
tu,bling around on that big divan, and doubling u) in a giggling fit, way out of control.
Cinally &i,)-ins angrily got u), viciously Ja,,ing on his tall sil- hat+ and $arian,
fighting that giggling fit, Just had to call out:2
3A)ril Cool, 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins/4
>And $ayor Gadsby, on a following 'ouncil night, got $arian7s land bill through+ ,any a
'ouncil,an holding his hand in front of his grinning ,outh, in voting for bright, vitalic
0outh.?
NNVII E&)ring ;D;=H
WII@W AIA$& WA& sitting u) again, for it was way )ast ,idnight, and Virginia was
out. $any ,onths ago Virginia was also out, and was brought bac-, unconscious. &o now
"ina was again sitting u), for Virginia was not a night*owl sort of a girl. Cinally, around
two o7cloc-, "ina couldn7t stand it, and had to call in a )assing )atrol,an. "ow this
)atrol,an was an original @rgani9ation of 0outh boy, and had always -nown "ina and
Virginia+ and said:2
3@h, now/ I wouldn7t worry so. (ossibly a bus had a blowout+ or24
3:ut Virginia said nothing about going on a bus/ @h// !ow could that child vanish so64
"aturally, all that that )atrol,an could do was to call his station+ and "ina, al,ost all in,
lay down, until, Just about dawn a Jangling ringing brought this half wild wo,an to a
front hall, shouting:2
3his is "ina Ada,s tal-ing/ Who6 What6 Virginia, is that you6 What7s wrong6 What/ 0ou
and !arold ho,)son6 @ur aviator6 0ou did what6 oo- his aircraft to what city6 8Why,
that7s so far you can7t 274 but Virginia had hung u).
&o "ina also hung u), and sat down with a big, long sigh:*
3$y Virginia, not running away, but flying away, to ,arry/ @h, this 0outh of today/4
Q Q Q
Around si5 o7cloc- that night, Virginia and !arold stood ar, in ar, in "ina7s )arlor, as a
big bus was groaning noisily away.
3:ut, $a,a,4 said Virginia, sobbing )itifully, 3I didn7t thin- you would24
3hat7s Just it, Virginia, you didn7t thin-// :ut you should/ !ow could I -now what was
going on6 hat7s Just you young fol-s of today. 0ou thin- of nothing but your own silly,
foolish doings, and you allow us old good*for*nothings to go cra9y with worry//4 and
"ina san- in a gas)ing swoon onto a sofa.
:ut old Ioc Wil-ins, arriving at Virginia7s frantic call, -nowing "ina7s iron constitution
fro, childhood, soon had that li,) for, bac- to nor,al+ and, with a dar-, disa))roving
scowl at Virginia, said:2
3:ring in a good batch of hot food, and your $a will turn out all right,4 and going out,
with a snort of disgust, and banging viciously that big front door/
EeditH NNVIII E&)ring ;D;=H
AWC%B III"G& I" our :ranton !ills7 3(ost,4 had so wrought u) our ordinarily ha))y,
laughing &arah, who, with (aul abroad, was bac-, living again with old o, 0oung, that
&arah, sitting on a low stool by old o,7s roc-ing chair was so still that o, )ut down his
3(ost,4 saying:2
3Gift of gab all run out, -id64
:ut &arah had an odd, thoughtful loo-. &arah7s boso, was rising and falling abnor,ally+
but, finally, loo-ing 1uic-ly u) at old o,, &arah said:2
3Iaddy, I want to go to war.4
3Io what64 If &arah had said anything about Ju,)ing out of a balloon, or of buying a
gorilla to )lay with, o, 0oung wouldn7t -now any such astounding doubt as brought his
roc-ing chair to a 1uic- standstill.
3War6 What -ind of tal- is this6 A girl going to war6 What for6 !ow6 &ay// Who )ut this
cra9y stunt into your brain, anyway64
As you -now, &arah was not only char,ing in ways, but also in build+ and, with that
glorious crown of brownish*gold hair, that always s,iling ,outh and that soft, )lu,)
girlishly*girlish for,, no ,an, o, 0oung nor anybody, could thin- of &arah and war in a
solitary thought. &o &arah said, softly:2
3Bast night, our "ight &chool trio thought that our boys, so far away, ,ust ,iss us, and
:ranton !ills sights+ and Ioris said, 8:ranton !ills sounds.7 And so, why couldn7t our trio
Join that big grou) of ,usicians which is sailing soon6 And, Iaddy, you -now (aul is in
that ar,y. I don7t -now that I could find hi,, but* but* but I want to try. And Lathlyn is
tal-ing of going as biologist with a big hos)ital unit+ so )ossibly I could stay with it.4
o, 0oung was du,b/ !is 3(ost4 actually had told of such a ,usical outfit about to sail+
but it was a ,an7s organi9ation. &o, now it has got around to this/ @ur girls, our dainty,
loving girls, bri,ful of both sy,)athy and )atriotis,, wanting to go into that tough,
laborious wor- of singing in ar,y ca,)s+ in huts+ in hos)itals+ singing fro, truc-s rolling
along country roads along which sat )latoons and battalions of troo)s, waiting for word
which ,ight bring to this or that boy his last long gun*toting tra,). &inging in2 3Aw,
darling/ 0our trio was fooling, wasn7t it6 "ow, girls don7t 24
3Iaddy, girls do/ &o, if our fol-s don7t )ut u) too ,uch of a24
38Aha.7/ "ow you said a ,outhful+ if your fol-s don7t/ Iarling, I7ll say Just two words as
,y )art in this cra9y stunt: 8"othing doing7// Lathlyn7s wor- is ,ighty i,)ortant+ singing
isn7t.4
&arah had not grown u) fro, infancy in -indly o,7s cabin without -nowing that his no
was a 3no//4 and not a fli,sy, hollow word which a whining, or a sniffling, or a bawling
child could switch around into: 3@h, all right, if you want to.4 &o &arah still sat on that low
stool+ or, to turn it around al,ost bac-wards,2 &arah sat on that stool, 2still. &o still that
o,7s old tin cloc- on its wall hoo-s was soon do,inating that s,all roo, with its
rhyth,ic tic-ing, as a conductor7s baton controls a brass band7s )ianissi,os. Cinally &arah
said softly, slowly, sadly and with a big, big sigh:*
3I did so want to go.4 And that s,all cloc- was tic-ing, tic-ing, tic-ing.
Cor a full hour &arah and old o, sat tal-ing and roc-ing, until &arah, )honing to Ioris,
said:2 3$y Iad says no.4
And Ioris, )honing bac- to &arah, said:2 3&o did ,y Iad.4
And, as Virginia Ada,s was that trio7s third )art+ and as &arah and Ioris had always
-nown "ina Ada,s7 strong will+ and as,2@h, hu,/ It was a ha))y fascination until adult
,inds got hold of it/
NNIN E&)ring ;D;=H
GAI&:0 WA& WABLI"G bac- fro, a visit down in :ranton !ills7 ,anufacturing district
on a &aturday night. A busy day7s traffic had had its noisy run+ and with not ,any fol-s in
sight, !is !onor got along without having to sto) to gras) a hand, or tal-+ for a $ayor out
of 'ity !all is a shining ,ar- for any )olitician. And so, co,ing to :roadway, a boo,ing
bass dru, and sounds of singing, told of a s,all &alvation Ar,y unit carrying on a,idst
:roadway7s night sho))ing crowds. Gadsby, wal-ing toward that grou), saw a young girl,
bac- towards hi,, Just finishing a long, soulful oration, saying:2
3... and I can say this to you, for I -now what I a, tal-ing about+ for I was brought u) in a
)ool of li1uor//4
As that ar,y grou) was starting to ,arch on, with this girl turning towards Gadsby, !is
!onor had to gas), astonishingly:2
3Why/ $ary Antor//4
3@h/ If it isn7t $ayor Gadsby/ I don7t run across you ,uch, now*a*days. !ow is Bady
Gadsby holding u) during this awful war64
EA0;H
All such fa,ily gossi) )assing 1uic-ly, Gadsby said:*
3:ut this &alvation Ar,y wor-, $ary6 !ow long 24
$ary and !is !onor had to wal- along, as that big dru, was now )ounding a bloc-
away. Iuring that wal- Gadsby found out all about that vast void in $ary7s bungalow
following that fatal auto crash+ and all about 3two old ,aid aunts4 as $ary said, who had
all that )antry7s li1uor thrown down a drain and got cut, also, a day or two following+ all
about living now at @ld Bady Clanagan7s.
3...for I Just couldn7t stay in that bungalow, with nobody around, you -now.4 And all
about loving co,)anionshi) in that grand old lady7s ar,s+ and of $ary7s finding that
Clanagan, who got such a wallo) fro, Antor7s -illing, wasn7t drin-ing so ,uch, now
which )ut it into $ary7s ,ind that ,any a ,an would, with -indly coaching, turn fro, it.
3And I thin- that ,y nightly tal-s against li1uor, hit+ and hit hard, too+ for al,ost nightly a
)oor down*and*out will follow along with our band, )ro,ising to cut it out and go
straight. @h, why didn7t I try to sto) "or,an7s drin-ing64
3(robably,4 said Gadsby, 3you did, in your girlish way+ but you -now boys don7t thin-
that s,all girls -now anything. I7d )ut u) any a,ount that "or,an, in that far*away
ca,), is thin-ing of you, constantly.4
3@h*h*h*h/ If I could only -now that I4 and a loo- of al,ost sanctity, and a big, long*
drawn sigh told what a tur,oil was going on in this young girl7s ,ind. 3:ut I7, going on,
and on and on with this night tal-ing until "or,an is bac- again. (ossibly a )lan will turn
u) toward both of us living down our )ast, 2 and our sorrow.4 And Gadsby, slowly
)lodding along towards his di,ly lit ,ansion, thought of a slight trans)osition of that
scri)tural 1uotation: 3And your sins, you adults, shall fall u)on your offs)ring, unto your
third and fourth24
3@h, if a ,an would only thin- of his offs)ring having to carry on, long )ast his last day/
And of how hard it is for a boy or girl to stand u) and )roudly >6? clai, that so*and*so
8was ,y Iad,7 if all :ranton !ills -nows of that Iad7s inglorious )ast. (oor -ids/4 for you
-now that Gadsby said, in this story7s start, that 3a ,an should so carry on his daily affairs
as to bring no word of ad,onition fro, anybody+4 for a ,an7s doings should )ut a stain
u)on no soul but his own.
:ut, aha// As !is !onor got to his )arlor, his sad ,ind found a ha))y, s,iling Bady
awaiting hi,+ crying Joyously:2
3Boo-/ Boo-, Fohn/ Word fro, Willia,/ Cro, :ill, in (aris/4
:ill7s first co,,unication said:2
3Iarling Col-s: Fulius and I Just got into this town fro, a ,onth of hard ,arching, ditch*
digging and fighting. I a, all right, and so is Fulius. #an across Cran-, who is on duty at
our 'o,,issary. Buc-y guy/ Bots of food always around/ (aul is growing fat. Boo-s
,ighty good. @h, how all of us do ,iss you and good old :ranton !ills/ I can7t find a
solitary suit in this town that I would )ut on to go to a dog fight/ &uch fashion/4 and so on+
Just a natural out)ouring fro, a boy, away on his first tri) fro, his Iad7s -indly roof.
3!a, ha/4 said Gadsby, laughing Jovially+ 3hat7s our :ill, all right/ Always thin-ing of
dolling u)/4 and Bady Gadsby, rising 1uic-ly, said:2
3@h, I ,ust call u) "ancy, Lathlyn and &arah/4 and, in a trio of s,all bungalows, Joy, wild
Joy, found its way into girlish ,inds/
As Gadsby sat, going through this good word again and again, a ,irthful chuc-ling had
Bady Gadsby as-ing:2
3What7s so funny about it64
3"othing+ only if I didn7t -now that Cran- is such a grand, good lad, I7d thin- :ill was
hiding a bit fro, us+ for that 8on duty at 'o,,issary7 ,ight a,ount only to )otato
)aring/4
NNN ECro, &)ring ;D;=H
(#I&'IBBA &A"II&! was waiting at our big railroad station, on a war, &)ring day, for
a train to )ull out, so that cross*trac- traffic could start again. It was Just an ordinary train
such as sto) hourly at :ranton !ills, but (riscilla saw that a grou) was hurrying toward a
co,bination*car, way u) forward. "ow (riscilla was not a girl who found ,orbid
curiosity in any such a )ublic s)ot+ but, still, an odd, uncanny sort of thrill,2al,ost a chill,
in fact,2was urging, urging a slow wal- toward that car. Fust why, (riscilla didn7t -now+
but such things do occur in a hu,an ,ind. &o (riscilla soon was standing on a trun-
truc-, ga9ing down into that grou) which now was slowly ,oving bac-, for,ing roo, for
ta-ing out a young ,an in -ha-i unifor,, on a hos)ital cot. With a gas) of horror, (riscilla
was instantly down fro, that truc-, )ushing through that grou), and crying out, wildly:*
3Arthur/ Arthur #an-in/ @h/ @h/ What is it, darling64 and loo-ing u) at a hos)ital
assistant, 3Is it bad64
3Ion7t -now, right now, lady,4 said that snowy clad official. 3%nconscious. :ut our big
hos)ital will do all it can for hi,.4
Arthur #an-in/ Arthur, with who, (riscilla had had ,any a childhood s)at/ Arthur who
had shown that 3)u))y stuff4 for (riscilla, that his old aunt was always so disa))rovingly
sniffing at/ And now, unconscious on a, 2
With a ,ur,uring of sy,)athy fro, that sorrowing )ublic, now dissolving, as all crowds
do, (riscilla had a 1uic-, co,forting thought: 3Lathlyn is wor-ing at that hos)ital/4
Lathlyn had -nown Arthur as long as (riscilla had+ and Lathlyn7s fa,ous ability would 2
&o our )anting and worrying girl was hurrying along through :roadway7s turning and
in1uiring crowds to that big hos)ital which our @rgani9ation of 0outh had had built. And
now Arthur was going, for not long, )ossibly, but, still )ossibly for 2
Q Q Q
It was ,idnight in that big still building. @ld Ioctor Wil-ins stood by Arthur7s cot+
(riscilla, sobbing )itifully, was waiting in a corridor, with Bady &tandish giving what
co,fort a wo,an could. Bady &tandish, who too- in dogs, cats, rabbits or any living thing
that was hurt, sic- or lost+ Bady &tandish, donor of four thousand dollars for our big Koo+
Bady &tandish, -indly savior of 'lancy7s and Iowd7s 3:ig Cour,4 now waiting, without
ability to aid a hu,an ani,al. Cinally, Ioctor Wil-ins, co,ing out, said:2
3Lathlyn says no sign of blood conta,ination, but vitality low+ badly low+ sin-ing, I thin-.
#ailroad tri) al,ost too ,uch for hi,. Boo-s bad.4
:ut, at this instant, an assistant, calling Wil-ins, said Arthur was co,ing out of his co,a+
and was ,ur,uring 3about a wo,an -nown as (riscilla. Io you -now anybody by264
With a rac-ing sob, (riscilla shot through that door, Bady &tandish 1uic-ly following.
Arthur, )ic-ing u), a bit, fro, (riscilla7s soft, oh, so soft and loving crooning and )atting,
too- that fond hand and2san- bac-/ Ioctor Wil-ins, loo-ing -nowingly at (riscilla, said:
2
3If it is as I thin-, you two had had thoughts of 24
A vigorous nod fro, (riscilla, and an a))roving loo- fro, Bady &tandish, and Ioctor
Wil-ins said:2
3!,*,*,/ It should occur right now/ @r, 24
As 1uic- as a flash that snowy*clad assistant was )honing+ and, astonishingly soon, our
good (astor :rown stood by that cot+ and, with Arthur in a ,ost sur)rising )ic-*u),
holding (riscilla7s hot, sha-ing hand, through that still hos)ital roo, was wafting
(riscilla7s soft, low words:2
3...you for ,y lawful husband, until...4
Q Q Q
Ioctor Wil-ins, going out with (riscilla, now trying, oh, so hard for control+ with grand,
char,ing, loving Lathlyn, ar, in ar,, said:2
3hat Joy will )ull hi, through. :oys, at war, so far away, will naturally droo), both in
body and ,ind, fro, lac- of a )articular girl7s snuggling and cuddling. &o Just wait until
Lathlyn finds out all about his condition+ and good food, with this ha))y cul,ination of a
childhood infatuation, will )ut hi, in first*class condition, if no co,)lications show u).4
Ah/ What an i,)ortant )art of a city7s institutions a hos)ital is/ What a co,fort to all, to
-now that, should inJury or any ailing condition of ,an, wo,an or child occur without
warning, anybody can, si,)ly through )honing find 1uic- trans)ortation at his door+ and,
with angrily clanging gongs, or high*)itch whistlings obtaining a 3right of way4 through
all traffic, that institution7s doors will swing a)art, assistants will 1uic-ly surround that
cot, and an ability for doing anything that $an can do is at hand. 0ou -now, al,ost daily,
of ca)italists of )hilanthro)ic ,old, donating vast su,s to a town or an association+ but, in
your historian7s ,ind, no donation can do so ,uch good as that which builds, or
,aintains hos)itali9ation for all. A library, a school, a boys7 or girls7 club, a vacation
facility, a 3chair4 of this or that in an institution of instruction,2 all do ,uch to build u) a
co,,unity. :oth doctoring as a study for a young ,an, and nursing for a girl for, ,ost
i,)ortant )arts of $an-ind7s activity.
And so, Just four ,onths fro, that awful, but also ha))y day, Arthur #an-in sat in a
ha,,oc- with (riscilla, on Bady &tandish7s )orch, with four s,all #an-ins )laying
around+ or was wal-ing around that bac- yard full of cats, dogs, rabbits, and so on, with
no thought of soa) bo5 orations in his ,ind.
NNNI EAutu,n ;D;=H
@" A G#A"I A%%$" ,orning :ranton !ills7 3(ost4 boys ran shouting down
:roadway, showing in half*foot wording:
3CIG!I"G &@(&// !I&@#07& $@& II&A&#@%& WA# I& !I&@#0 "@W///4 and
again, :ranton !ills stood stoc- still. :ut only for an instant+ for soon, it was, in all ,inds:*
3han- God// @h, ring your loud church clarions/ :low your factory blasts/ &hout/ 'ry/
&ing/ (lay, you bands/ :urst your dru,s/ 'rac- your cy,bals/4
Ah, what a sight on :roadway/ &ho) girls )ouring out/ &ho) Janitors boarding u) big glass
windows against a surging ,ob/ And, >sh*h*h*h? ,any a church having in its still sanctity
a wo,an or girl at its altar rail.
$onths, ,onths, ,onths/ :ranton !ills was again at its big railroad station, its $unici)al
:and )laying our grand "ational air, as a long troo) train, a solid ,ass of bunting, was
snorting noisily in. And, a,idst that out)ouring flood of :ranton !ills boys, Bady Gadsby,
"ancy, Lathlyn and !is !onor found :ill, Fulius, Cran- and Fohn. &arah was Just 3going
all a)art4 in (aul7s ar,s, with Virginia swooning in !arold7s.
@n old Bady Clanagan7s )orch sat $ary Antor+ for, having had no word fro, "or,an for
,onths, this grand young &alvation Ar,y lass was in sad, sad doubt. :ut soon, as that
shouting ,ob was drifting away, and ha))y fa,ily grou)s wal-ing citywards, a -ha-i*
clad lad, hurrying to old Bady Clanagan7s cabin, and Ju,)ing that low, ivy*clad wall, had
$ary, sobbing and laughing, in his ar,s. "o. It wasn7t "or,an.
NNNII E;D;= or ;D;DH
A '#@WI WA& standing around in 'ity (ar-, for a baby was ,issing. (atrol cars roaring
around :ranton !ills+ ,any a wo,an hunting around through sy,)athy+ -idna))ing
ru,ors flying around. !is !onor was out of town+ but on landing at our railroad station,
and finding )atrol cars drawn u) at 'ity (ar-, saw, in that crowd7s ,idst, a tiny girl, of
about si5, with a bunch of big shouting officials, as-ing:*
3Who too- that baby64
3Iid you do it64
3Which way did it go64
3!ow long ago did you ,iss it64 3&ay, -iddo// Why don7t you tal-64
An adult brain can stand a lot of such shouting, but a baby7s is not in that class+ so, totally
du,b, and sha-ing with fright, this tot stood, thu,b in ,outh, and two big brown baby
orbs Just starting to grow ,oist, as !is !onor, )ushing in, said:*
3Wait a bit//4 and that bunch in unifor,, -nowing hi,, got u) and Gadsby sat down on a
roc-, saying:*
30ou can7t find out a thing fro, a young child by such hard, gruff ways. his tiny lady is
al,ost in a slu,). "ow, Just start this crowd ,oving. I -now a bit about 0outh.4
3hat7s right,4 said a big, hus-y )atrol,an. 3If anybody living -nows -ids, it7s you, sir.4
&o, as things got around to nor,al, !is !onor, now sitting flat on 'ity (ar-7s s,ooth
lawn, said, Jovially:*
3!ulloa4
A big gul)ing sob in a tiny boso,2didn7t gul)+ and a grin ran around a s,all ,outh, as
our young lady said:*
3&o ,any big co)s/ @*o*o/ I got afraid/4
3I -now, darling+ but no big co)s will shout at you now. I don7t shout at tiny girls, do I64
3"o, sir+ but if fol-s do shout, I go all woo9y.4
3Woo9y6 Woo9y6 !a, ha/ I7ll loo- that u) in a big boo-. :ut what7s all this fuss about6 Is it
about a baby64
A vigorous nodding of a bunch of brown curls.
3What6 Cussing about a baby6 A baby is too s,all to fuss about.4
3@*o*o*o/ It isn7t//4
3"o64
3"o, sir. I fuss about ,y dolly, an7 it7s not half so big as a baby.4
3hat7s so. Girls do fuss about dolls. $y girls did.4
3!ow ,any dolls has your girls got64
3!a, ha/ "ot any, now. $y girls all got grown u) and big.4
Iuring this cal,, ha))y tal-, a )atrol,an, co,ing u), said:*
3&hall I stic- around, 0our !onor6 Any -idna))ing facts64
3I don7t -now, Just now. Wait around about an hour, and dro) in again.4
&o !is !onor, $ayor of :ranton !ills, and 'hildhood sat on that grassy lawn+ a tiny tot
,a-ing daisy chains, grass rings, and thrilling at Gadsby7s story of how a boy, -nown as
Fac-, had to cli,b a big, big tall stal- to -ill an awfully ugly giant. Cinally Gadsby said:*
3I thought you had a baby )laying with you.4
3I did.4
3!uh, it isn7t )laying now. Iid it fly away64
3@ho/ "o/ A baby can7t fly/4
3"o. hat7s right. :ut how could a baby go away fro, you without your -nowing it64
3It didn7t. I did -now it.4
"ow, ,any ,ay thin- that !is !onor would thrill at this infor,ation+ but Gadsby didn7t.
&o, 3)laying around4 for a bit, !is !onor finally said:2
3I wish I had a baby to )lay with, right now/4
30ou can.4
3'an I6 !ow64
With a tiny hand on baby li)s, our s,all lady said:*
3Go loo- in that lilac arbor+ but go soft/ I thin- it7s snoo9ing.4
And Gadsby, going to that arbor, got a frightful shoc-+ for it was Billian, "ancy7s baby/ "ot
having -nown of this 3-idna))ing4 as his fa,ily couldn7t find hi, by )honing, it was a
shoc-+ for !is !onor was thin-ing of that young wo,an colla)sing. &o, u)on that
)atrol,an co,ing bac-, as told, Gadsby said:*
3Go and call u) your station, 1uic-ly/ &ay that I want your 'a)tain to notify ,y fol-s that
Billian is all right.4
3Good gosh, 0our !onor// Is this tot your grandchild64
3Grandchild or no grandchild, you dash to that bo5//4
And so, again, Fohn Gadsby, 'ha,)ion of 0outh, had shown officialdo, that a child7s
brain and that of an adult vary as do a gigantic oa- and its tiny acorn.
NNNIII EA)ril and $ay ;D;DH
$@& @C GAI&:07s old @rgani9ation of 0outh was still in town, though, as you -now,
grown u). &o, on a &)ring day, all of its forty boys and as ,any girls got ,ost ,ystifying
cards, saying:2
3Lindly go to Bilac !ill on $ay si5th, at four o7cloc-. I$(@#A"/ I$(@#A"/
I$(@#A"4 hat was all. "ot a word to show its origin. "o handwriting. Fust a s,all,
)lain card in ordinary )rinting.
"ot only that old @rgani9ation, but !is !onor, Bady Gadsby, @ld o, 0oung, o,
Ionaldson, "ina Ada,s, Bady &tandish and @ld Bady Clanagan got that odd card.
3Arrah/ (hwat7s this, anny way64 sang out that good old lady. 3Is it court su,,ons, a
)icnic, or a land auction6 :y gorry, it loo-s )hony/4
@ld o, 0oung, in his roc-ing chair, said:*
3A card to go to Bilac !ill. It says 8i,)ortant.7 Ah/ his 0outh of today/ I7ll )ut u) a dollar
that I can sniff a rat in this. :ut ,y girl is all right so I7ll go.4
And so it was, all around town. "obody could fatho, it.
Bilac !ill was as char,ing a s)ot as any that our big 'ity (ar- could boast. hough
-nown as a hill, it was but a slight -noll with surroundings of lilac shrubs, which, in $ay
would always show a riot of bloo,+ this -noll slo)ing down to a )ond, with islands, boats
and a1uatic )lants. Bilac !ill had -nown ,any a )icnic and si,ilar outings+ for :ranton
!ills fol-s, living for si5 days a,idst bric-s and as)halt, Just had to go out on &undays to
this dainty -noll, living for an hour or so a,ongst its birds, blosso,s and cal,
surroundings. 'ity traffic was far away, only a faint ru,bling co,ing to this natural
sanctuary+ and ,any a ,ind, and ,any a worn body had found a bal, in its char,s.
:ut that ,ystifying card/ Cro, who, was it6 What was it6 Why was it6 3@h, hu,/ Why
rac- brains by digging into it64 was :ranton !ills7 )o)ular thought. 3:ut, * go and find
out/4 hat, also, was our @rgani9ation7s thought as $ay si5th was a))roaching.
3$y gracious/4 said "ancy. 3It sounds actually s)oo-y/4
:ut cal,, )ractical Lathlyn said:*
3&)oo-s don7t ho) around in daylight.4
$ay si5th had Just that war, and bal,y air that allows girls to )ut on fli,sy, dainty
things, and youths to don s)orts outfits+ and !is !onor, as that ,ystifying day was not far
off, said:2
3his, I thin-, is a tric- by a -id or two, to show us old duc-s that an 8incog7 can hold out,
right u) to its actual consu,,ation. I don7t -now a thing about what7s going on+ but, by
golly/ I7ll show u)+ and if any fun is afloat, I7ll Join in, full blast.4
:ut// 2 As our @rgani9ation boys and girls, and :ranton !ills fol-s got to Bilac !ill, not a
thing was found giving any indication that anything out of ordinary was to occur/ Fust that
cal,, char,ing -noll, with its lilacs, oa-s, and ha))y vista out across :ranton !ills7 hill
districts/ What7s this, anyway6 A hoa56 :ut all sat down, tal-ing in a big grou), until, at
Just four o7cloc-,2 loo-/ A stir, out bac- of that island boat landing/ What6 @n that )ond6
his card said Bilac !ill/ :ut I said that a stir was occurring in bac- of that boat landing,
with its s,all shac- for storing oars and such. If our big crowd was laughing and tal-ing
u) to now, it 1uit/ And 1uit ,ighty 1uic-ly, too/ If you want to hold a crowd, Just ,ystify
it. @ld Bady Clanagan was starting to shout about 3this )hony stuff,4 but @ld $an
Clanagan said:*
3&hut u)/ 0ou ain7t )art of this show/4
"ancy was actually ho))ing u) and down, but Lathlyn stood cal,ly watching+ for this
studious girl, way u) in an 3ology4 or two, -nows that, by slow, thoughtful watching, you
can gain ,uch, as against wor-ing u) a wild, )anic-y condition.
Bady Gadsby said again and again: 3What is going on64 but "ina Ada,s said: 30ou ought
to -now that today, anything can24
:ut loo- again// Cro, in bac- of that boat landing, a big fairy float is co,ing/ &lowly,2
slowly2slowly+ a cabin a,idshi)s, Just dri))ing with lilacs, as still and nonco,,ittal as
old Gibraltar. &lowly, on and on it is co,ing+ finally sto))ing right at that s)ot u)on which
our grou) is standing+ forty boys, forty girls, and a big ,ob, all as still as a church. What is
it, anyway6 Is anybody in it6 "ot a sign of it. :ut wait/ Aha/ It has an occu)ant, for, co,ing
out of that lilac glory is * (arson :rown// (arson :rown6 What was (arson :rown in that
cabin for6 Aha// A lilac s)ray is ,oving+ and, as our grou)s stand stoc- still, loo-/ Bucy
Ionaldson is co,ing out/ @h/ What a vision of girlish Joy and glory// And2and2and, ah/
hat lilac s)ray is ,oving again/ !ulloa/ :ill Gadsby is co,ing out//
A &)ring sun was slowly a))roaching its hori9onward droo), shooting rays of gold down
onto our gas)ing crowd, as (arson :rown said:*
3Willia, Gadsby, do you ...64
Willia,, but shortly bac- fro, abroad, you -now, standing with grand, ,ilitary rigidity,
said:
3I do.4
3And Bucy Ionaldson, do you 264
It didn7t last long. Fust a word or two+ a burst of ,usic of a fa,ous ,arch by Fohn &,ith,
:ranton !ills7 organist, in that cabin with a s,all )iano+ Just a2 :ut that crowd couldn7t
wait for that/ With a whoo) !is !onor s)rang into that )ond, wading swiftly to board
that fairy craft+ and in an instant "ancy was following hi,, s)lashing frantically along,
and scra,bling aboard to al,ost floor :ill with a gigantic hug as !is !onor shoo- :ill7s
hand, with a loving ar, about Bucy. @ld Bady Clanagan was shouting wildly:* 3Whoo)s/
Whoo)s/ :y gorra/ his young gang of today is a s,art boonch/4 and !is !onor said:*
3!a, ha/ I didn7t -now a thing about this/ :ill7s a s,art cha)/4 And @ld o, Ionaldson,
grabbing ha))y, laughing, blushing, )al)itating Bucy as soon as that young lady was on
dry land, said:2
3&ay/ 0ou sly young chic-/ Why didn7t you notify your old Iad64
3Why, Iaddy/ hat would s)oil all ,y fun//4
NNNIV E&)ring ;D;DH
GAI&:0, 'BA"'0 A"I Iowd 3Just had4 to, according to unani,ous o)inion, go out to
Bady &tandish7s suburban )lot of ground to visit 3:ig Cour+4 Gadsby, owing to an inborn
li-ing for all ani,als+ 'lancy and Iowd fro, fond association with this )articular grou).
It was a glorious s)ot+ high, rolling land, with a )atch of cool, shady woods, and a grand
vista across hill and )lain, with shining )onds and rich far, lands. And did 3:ig Cour4
-now 'lancy and Iowd6 I7ll say so/ And soon, with ,uch ha))y whinnying and 3acting
u),4 with two big roans )o-ing in1uiring snouts in 'lancy7s hands, and two big blac-s
snuggling Gadsby and Iowd, as ha))y a grou) of $an and ani,als as you could wish
for, was soon acco,)anying Bady &tandish around that vast )atch.
Anything that such ani,als could want was at hand. A bright, s)ar-ling broo- was
gabbling and gurgling through a stony gully, or dro))ing, with ,any brilliant rainbows,
down a tiny fall.
3&ally,4 said Gadsby, 3you do a grand wor- in ,aintaining this s)ot. If $an-ind, as a
body, would only thin- as you do, that an ani,al has a brain, and -nows good living
conditions, you wouldn7t find so ,any )oor, scraggly old Iobbins )lodding around our
towns, dragging a cart far too big+ and with a ,an totally without sy,)athy on it.4
And Bady &tandish said:2
3I Just can7t thin- of anybody abusing an ani,al+ nor of allowing it to stay around, sic-,
hurt or hungry. I thin- that an ani,al is but a )oint short of hu,an+ and, having a s-in
varying but slightly fro, our own, will -now as ,uch )ain fro, a whi))ing as would a
hu,an child. A blow u)on any ani,al, if I a, within sight, is al,ost as a blow u)on ,y
own body. 0ou would thin- that, with that vast ga) which $an-ind is continually )lacing
bac- of hi, in his onward ,arch in i,)roving this big world, $an would thin-, a bit, of
his )als of hoof, horn and claw. :ut I a, glad to say that, in this country, laws in ,any a
co,,unity ad,it that an ani,al has rights. @h, how an ani,al that is hurt loo-s u) at
you, Fohn/ An ani,al7s actions can infor, you if it is in )ain. It don7t ho) and Ju,) around
as usual. "o. 0ou find a sad, crouching, cringing, s,all bunch of fur or hair, whining, and
)lainly as-ing you to aid it. It isn7t hard to find out what is wrong, Fohn+ any ,an or
wo,an who would )ass by such a sight, Just isn7t worth -nowing. I Just can7t withstand it/
Why, I thin- that not only ani,als, but )lants can -now )ain. I carry a drin- to ,any a
)oor, thirsty growing thing+ or, if it is torn u) I )ut it -indly bac-, and fi5 its soil u) as
co,fortably as I can. Anything that is living, Fohn, is worthy of $an7s aid.4
NNNV E&)ring ;D;DH
(@@# @BI :IBB &i,)-ins/ "othing in this world was worth anything+ nobody was right+
all wrong, all wrong/ &i,)-ins had no -in+ and, not ,arrying, was 3Just )lodding along,4
living in a s,all roo,, with no fun, no constant co,)any, no social goal to which to loo-
forward+ and had, thus, grown into what boys call 3a big, old grouch.4 :ut it wasn7t all
&i,)-ins7 fault. A hu,an ,ind was built for contact with si,ilar ,inds. It should,2in
fact,2it ,ust thin- about what is going on around it+ for, if it is shut u) in a thic-, dar-,
bony bo5 of a s-ull, it will always stay in that condition -nown as status 1uo+ and grow
u), antagonistic to all surroundings. :ut &i,)-ins didn7t want to growl and grunt. It was
)ractically as annoying to hi, as to fol-s around hi,. :ut, as soon as that shut*u), solitary
,ind found anybody wanting it to do anything in confir,ation of )ublic o)inion, * no/
that ,ind would contract, as a snail in its s)iral ar,or2and bal-.
Bady Gadsby and !is !onor, in tal-ing about this, had thought of i,)roving such a
condition+ but &i,)-ins was not a ,an to who, you could broach such a thought. It
would only bring forth an outburst of sarcas, about 3trying it on your own brain, first.4
&o :ranton !ills7 'ouncil always had so to word a 3,otion4 as to, in a way, blind
&i,)-ins as to its i,)ort. $any such a ,otion had a hard fight showing hi, its valuation
as a ,unici)al law+ such as our big !all of "atural !istory, our Koo, and so on.
"ow nothing can so light u) such a ,ind as a good laugh. &tart a ,an laughing, good,
long and loud, and his ,ind7s gri,y windows will slowly inch u)ward+ sna))y,
invigorating air will rush in, and * lo/ that old snarling, ugly grouch will vanish as hoar*
frost in a war, &)ring thaw/
And so it got around, on a bright &)ring day, to @ld :ill sitting on Gadsby7s front )orch+
outwardly cal,, and s,o-ing a good cigar >which didn7t blow u)/?, but, inwardly Just full
of snarls and growls about :ranton !ills7 0outh.
3&illy half*grown young ani,als, found out that two )lus two is four, and thin-ing that all
things will fit, Just that way/4
"ow that s,all girl, 3of about si5,4 who had had "ancy7s baby out in 'ity (ar-, was
)assing Gadsby7s ,ansion, and saw @ld :ill. A -id of si5 has, as you )robably -now, no
for,ally laid*out )lan for its daily activity+ anything bobbing u) will attract. &o, with this
childish instability of thought, this tiny ,iss ran u) onto Gadsby7s )orch and stood in
front of @ld :ill, loo-ing u) at hi,, but saying not a word.
3!uh/4 :ill Just had to snort. 3Boo-ing at anything64
3"o, sir.4
3What// @h, that is, you thin- 8not ,uch,7 )robably. What do you want, anyway.4
3I want to )lay.4
3All right+ run along and )lay.4
3"o+ I want to )lay with you.4
3(ooh// hat7s silly. I7, an old ,an. An old ,an can7t )lay.4
3'an, too. $y Grand)a can.4
3:ut I7, not your Grand)a, than- ,y luc-y stars. #un along now+ I7, thin-ing.4
3&o a, I.4
30ou6 !uh/ A -id can7t thin-.4
3@oo*o/ I can/4
3About what64
3About )laying with you.4
"ow &i,)-ins saw that this was a condition which wouldn7t )ass with scowling or
growling, but didn7t -now what to do about it. (lay with a -id6 What6 'ouncil,an
&i,)-ins )l2
:ut into that shut*u) ,ind, through a )artially, 2 only )artially,2rising window, was
wafting a bac- thought of $ay Iay in 'ity (ar-+ and that ha))y, singing, ,arching ring of
tots around that ribbon*wound ,ast. 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins was in that ring.
&o this thought got to tra,)ing round and round ,any a ,usty corridor in his ,ind+
throwing u) a window, 3busting in4 a door, and shoving a lot of dust and rubbish down a
bac- stairway. #ound and round it ran, until, >//? @ld :ill, slowly and sur)risingly softly,
said:*
3What do you want to )lay64
@h/ @h/ what a victory for that tot// What a victory for 0outh// And what a fall for grouchy,
snarling $aturity// I thin- that &i,)-ins, right at that instant, saw that bright sunlight
co,ing in through that rising window+ rising by baby hands+ and fro, that 3bust in4 door.
I thin- that @ld :ill cast off, in that instant, that hard, gloo,y coating of dissatisfaction,
which was gri))ing his shut*u) ,ind. And I thin-,2in fact, I -now,2 that @ld :ill
&i,)-ins was now,2that is, was2 was2was, oh, Just )lain ha))y/
3What do you want to )lay64
3his is a lady, a*going to town.4
3(lay what64
$y// Ion7t you -now how to )lay that6 All right+ I7ll show you. "ow Just stic- out your
foot. hat7s it. "ow I7ll sit on it, so. "ow you bu,) it u) and down. !a, ha/ !o, ho/ hat7s
it/ his is a lady, a*going to town, a*going to town, a*going to town/ and as that tiny lady
sang that baby song gaily and ha))ily, @ld :ill was actually laughing+ and laughing
u)roariously, too/
As this sight was occurring, !is !onor and Bady Gadsby, loo-ing out fro, a )arlor
window, Gadsby said, ha))ily:2
3A lady )hysician is wor-ing on @ld :ill,4 causing Bady Gadsby to add:
3And a ,ighty good doctor, too.4
NNNVI E;D;DH
I WA& "IG! again.
hat s,all &alvation Ar,y grou) was )arading and singing. A young girl would soon
start a long oration against drin-. "ow boys, gaw-ing as boys always do, saw a shadowy
for, of a ,an slin-ing along fro, doorway to doorway, )lainly watching this ,arching
grou), but also, )lainly trying to stay out of sight. A halt, a song or two, and $ary Antor
was soon wal-ing towards @ld Bady Clanagan7s cabin. :ut// In )assing big, dar- 'ity (ar-,
a ,an, rushing wildly u), wra))ing that frail for, in a cast*iron gri), )lanting -iss u)on
-iss u)on $ary7s li)s, finally unwound that gri) and stood stiffly in ,ilitary saluting
)osition. $ary, naturally in a bad fright, too- a short, an5ious, in1uiring loo-, and
instantly, all that )art of 'ity (ar- actually rang with a wild girlish cry:2
3"or,an///4
3!ulloa, -iddo/ Fust got in, half an hour ago, on a s,all troo) train+ and, by luc-, saw you
,arching in that grou). Wow// :ut you do loo- grand/4
3And you loo- grand, too, "or,an+ but2 but2but2not drun-64
3"o, sis/ "ot for ,any a day now. &aw too ,uch of it in ca,). :ig, grand, cor-ing good
cha)s down and out fro, it. Iays and days in Jail, ,ilitary Jail, you -now, and finally
finding a 8bad conduct7 sta,) on 'o,)any boo-s. "o, sir+ I7, off it, for good/4
Q Q Q
@n old Bady Clanagan7s )orch $ary sat way )ast ,idnight with, no, not with "or,an,
only, but with two -ha-i*clad boys+ and it was ,iraculous that that s,all, loving childish
boso, could hold so ,uch Joy/ @ld Bady Clanagan in nightgown and ca), loo-ing down a
front stairway, >and @ld $an Clanagan, also in nightgown and ca), and also loo-ing
down?, said:2
3Arrah// Go wan oo) stairs, you snoo)in7 var,it/4
3Who7s a snoo)in7 var,int6 "ot you, of 24
3Go wan oo), I say/ :y golly/ hat darlin7 girl has found a ,ountain of gold wid "or,an
an7 24
3Who7s that wid "or,an6 hat guy7s around, nights, now, as *4
3&ay, you// Io you go oo)6 @r do I swat you64
NNNVII EBabor Iay ;D;DH
:IBB GAI&:0, G@I"G abroad, naturally wasn7t on that ballot for 'ouncil,an Antor7s
chair+ but this history shows that that ,outhy antagonist who had had so ,uch to say
about 3)in- satin ribbons4 and 3vanilla s)rays4, didn7t win. "o. A first class ,an got that
)osition+ old o, 0oung, &arah7s Iad, as good an old soul as any in all :ranton !ills. And
was &arah ha))y/ @h, ,y/ And was &arah )roud/ wo 3oh ,ys/4 iny "ancy, loyal as
always to :ill, said:2
3:ill was as good as in, for nobody, -nowing ,y :ill would ballot against hi,+ and :ill
would hold that honor now, but for 8@ld Glory7s7 calling.4
hat7s right, "ancy darling, you stic- u) for :ill+ for, though :ill didn7t -now it until ,any
,onths, a citation 3for outstanding and valorous conduct in action4 was soon to go
through our "ational (rinting (lant/ Cor a 3city fo)4 or an 3outdoor )art of a tailor sho)4
is not always a boob, you -now.
Gadsby7s ,ansion was again brightly aglow that night, that 3World War flag4 not hanging
in his window now. And so, on Babor Iay night, Bady Gadsby and !is !onor, sitting in
his )arlor, thought that a light footfall was sounding out on his )orch. As Gadsby got u)
to find out about it, Fulius, co,ing in with a young girl, stood loo-ing, grinningly, at Bady
Gadsby+ who, Ju,)ing u), said, ha))ily:2
3Why/ $ary Antor/4
3"o, $a,4 said Fulius. 3his is not $ary Antor.4
3"ot $ary Antor6 Why, Fulius, I thin- I -now $24
3"ot $ary Antor, $a, but $ary Gadsby/4
3@h/ @h/ $y darling girl//4 and half crying and half laughing, $ary was snuggling in
Bady Gadsby7s ar,s+ and !is !onor, co,ing in, saying:2
3:y golly/ hat young cuss, 'u)id, is ,ighty busy around this town/ Why, I can hardly
wal- two bloc-s along :roadway, without a young girl, who has 8grown u) in a night,7
sto))ing, and saying: 8$ayor Gadsby, this is ,y husband.7 :ut I7ll say that 'u)id7s
,ar-s,anshi) has always brought about ha))y ,atings. And, $ary, you darling -id,
your sad, dar- shadows will gradually )ass+ and Bady Gadsby and I will try to bring you
loads and loads of co,fort. :ut, say, you, Fulius/ I didn7t -now that you and $ary24
3!o, ho4 said $ary, laughing. 3Iidn7t you -now that Fulius and "or,an and I sat out
nights on old Bady Clanagan7s )orch64
3Why, no+ how should I6 I don7t go snoo)ing around anybody7s )orch.4
3!a, ha, Iad,4 said Fulius+ 3no snoo)ing would find that out. $ary and I had had this
)lan so long ago that I didn7t -now a World War was co,ing/4
NNNVIII E;D;D or ;DA0H
A& A &$ABB boy, your historian was told that 3A -ing was in his counting roo,, a*
counting out his cash,4 or si,ilar words, which told, )ractically, of his ta-ing account of
stoc-. &o, also, Gadsby was on his thin-ing*)orch, a*thin-ing of his )ast. >A ,ighty good
thing to do, too+ if anybody should as- you/?
3If,4 said !is !onor, 3you can7t find any fun during childhood, you naturally won7t loo-
for it as you grow u) to ,aturity. 0ou will grow 8hard,7 and loo- u)on fun as foolish. Also,
if you don7t furnish fun for a child, don7t loo- for it to grow u) bright, ha))y and loving.
&o, always )ut in a child7s )ath an o))ortunity to watch, tal- about, and -now, as ,any
good things as you can.4
Bady Gadsby, fro, a )arlor window, said:
3(racticing for a stu,)ing tour, or a )olitical )ow*wow64
3!a, ha/ "o. Fust thin-ing out loud.4
&o, as thin-ing cannot hurt anybody, !is !onor was soon going on:2
3Affairs which loo- s,all or absurd to a full*grown ,an ,ay loo, u) as big as a
,ountain to a child+ and you shouldn7t allow a fact that you saw a thing 8so ,uch that I
a, sic- of it,7 to turn you away fro, an in1uiring child. 0ou wasn7t sic- of it, on that far*
)ast day on which you first saw it. I always loo- bac-, ha))ily and )roudly, to ta-ing a
s,all girl to our 'ity Clorist7s big glass building+ to a grou) at our "ight 'ourt+ a grou)
finding out about dis)atching our ,ail+ and our circus/ :oy/ hat was fun/ @ur awarding
di)lo,as at 'ity !all+ tiny $arian at our air)ort7s inauguration+ our $anual raining
&chool graduation. All that did a big lot toward showing 0outh that this big world is 8not
half bad,7 if adults will but watch, aid, and coach. And I will not stand anybody7s sna))ing
at a child/ (articularly a tiny tot. If you thin- that you ,ust sna), sna) at a child so big as
to sna) bac-. I don7t sanction 8tal-ing bac-7 to adults, but, ha, ha/ I did find a grand, big
wallo) in $arian7s A)ril Cool cigar/ Woo/ Iid @ld :ill Ju,)// :ut that did no har,, and a
sad young ,ind found a way to ,atch things u) with an antagonist. "ow, Just stand a
child u) against your body. !ow tall is it6 (ossibly only u) to your hi). &till, a ,an,2or
an ani,al thin-ing that it is a ,an2will sla), whi), or viciously yan- an ar, of so frail, so
soft a tiny body/ hat is what I call a coward// :y golly/ al,ost a cri,inal/ If a tot is what
you call naughty, >and no child voluntarily is,? why not lift that young body u) onto your
la), and tal-2don7t shout2about what it Just did6 &houting gains nothing with a tot. $an
can shout at $an, at dogs, and at far, ani,als+ but a ,an who shouts at a child is, at that
instant, sin-ing in his own ,uc- of bullyis,+ and bullyis, is a sin, if anything in this
world is. Ah 0outh/ 0ou glorious dawn of $an-ind/ 0ou bright, ha))y, glowing ,orning
&un+ not at full brilliancy of noon, I -now, but unavoidably on your way/ 0outh/ !ow I do
thrill at ta-ing your war,, soft hand+ wal-ing with you+ tal-ing with you+ but, ,ost
i,)ortant of all, laughing with you/ hat is $an7s )athway to glory. A ,an who dro)s
blosso,s in )assing, will carry Joy to fol-s along his way+ a ,an who dro)s cru,bs will
also do a -indly act+ but a ,an who dro)s -ind words to a sobbing child will find his Joy
continuing for ,any a day+ for blosso,s will dry u)+ cru,bs ,ay blow away+ but a -ind
word to a child ,ay start a blosso, growing in that young ,ind, which will so far sur)ass
what an un-indly ,an ,ight dro), as an orchid will sur)ass a wis) of grass. Fust sto) a
bit and loo- bac- at your foot)rints along your )ast )athway. Iid you )ut ,any hu,)s in
that soil which a s,all child ,ight tri) on6 Iid you angrily sla, a door, which ,ight so
Jolt a high*strung tot as to bring on nights and nights of inso,nia6 Iid you so constantly
snarl at it that it don7t want you around6 In fact, did you )ut anything in that bac-*)ath of
yours which could bring sorrow to a child6 @r start its distrust of you, as its rightful
guardian6 If so, go bac- right now, ,an, and fi5 u) such s)ots by -indly acts fro, now on.
@r, Ju,) into a )ond, and don7t crawl out again// Cor nobody wants you around/4
Bady Gadsby, as this oration was wafting off a,ongst lilac shrubs, and across soft, war,
lawns, had sat, also thin-ing+ finally co,ing out onto that ivy*bound )orch, and sitting
down by !is !onor, saying:2
3hat was Just grand, Fohn, but I was thin-ing along a )ath varying a bit fro, that. 0ou
-now that $an7s brain is actually all of hi,. All )arts of his body, as you follow down
fro, his brain, act si,)ly as aids to it. !is nostrils bring hi, air+ his ,outh is for
,asticating his food+ his hands and li,bs furnish ability for ,ani)ulation and loco,otion+
and his lungs, sto,ach and all inward organs function only for that brain. If you loo- at a
crowd you say that you saw lots of fol-s: but if you loo- at a ,an bathing in a )ond+ and if
that ,an san- until only that )art fro, his brow u)ward was in sight, you ,ight say that
you saw nobody+ only a ,an7s scal). :ut you actually saw a ,an, for a ,an is only as big
as that )art still in sight. "ow a child7s s-ull, naturally, is not so big as a ,an7s+ so its brain
has no roo, for all that vast ,ass of thoughts which adult brains contain. It is, so to say, in
a s,all roo,. :ut, as days and ,onths go by, that roo, will )ush its walls outward, and
that young brain gradually fill u) all that additional roo,. &o, loo-ing for cal,, cool
thin-ing in a child is as silly as loo-ing for big, Juicy )lu,s a,ongst frail s)ring blosso,s.
Why, oh, why don7t fol-s thin- of that6 0ou -now what foolish sounding things Fulius was
always as-ing, as a child. 8!ow can Just rubbing a ,atch light it67 8Why is it dar- at night67
8Why can7t a baby tal-67 :ut, you and I, Fohn, didn7t laugh at hi,. "o, not for an instant.
And now loo- at our Fulius and our Lathlyn+ both fa,ous, Just through all that as-ing+
and our aid. Fohn, God could )ut $an into this world, full*grown. :ut God don7t do so+ for
God -nows that, without a tiny hand to hold, a tiny foot to )at, tiny li)s to -iss, and a tiny,
war,, wriggling body to hug, $an would -now nothing but wor-.4
Gadsby sat s,o-ing for a bit, finally saying:*
3Iarling, that )air of robins u) in that big oa- with four young, and you and I in this big
building, also with four, -now all about what you Just said+ and, and, 2h,,,// It7s
al,ost ,idnight.4 And !is !onor7s ,ansion was soon dar-+ bathing in soft ,oonlight.
NNNIN E;DA0H
(#A'I'ABB0 ABB :ranton !ills was tal-ing about 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins+ for
'ouncil,an &i,)-ins Just didn7t loo- natural+ and 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins didn7t act
natural. In fact, 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins was crawling out of his old cocoon+ and, though an
ugly, snarling dowdy wor, had lain for so long, shut u) in that tight ,ass of wra))ings
around his brain, now a gay, s,iling ,oth was co,ing out+ for 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins was
3dolling u)/4
If :ill Gadsby was -nown as a 3tailorsho)7s outdoor )art,4 @ld :ill was not a )art. "o, @ld
:ill was that tailor sho)2outdoor, indoor, or without a door. In fact, 'ouncil,an
&i,)-ins now had 3it,4 such as our fil,s tal- about so ,uch today.
:ut &i,)-ins7 outfit was not flashy or 3loud.4 &uits of good cloth, hats of stylish for,,
always a bright carnation 3Just south of his chin,4 boots always glossy, and a s,art,
s)ringy wal-, had all :roadway gas)ing as this A)ollo*vision swung Jauntily along.
"ancy, ha))y, giggling "ancy, was 3all of a grin4 about this ,agic transfor,ation+ and,
with that old, inborn instinct of wo,anhood, told Bucy:2
30ou Just watch, and ,ar- ,y word. A wo,an is in this )udding/ @ld :ill Just couldn7t
boo, out in such a way without having a goal in sight+ and I7ll )ut u) a dollar on it.4
And Bucy, also a wo,an, said s,ilingly:2
3And I7ll )ut u) a dollar and a half/4
:ut !is !onor and Bady Gadsby, at such tal- would loo- s-yward, cough, and say:*
3(ossibly a wo,an+ and a ,ighty young wo,an, at that.4
"ow, if anything will 3war, u)4 a )ublic, it is gossi)+ )articularly if it is about ,ystifying
actions of a )ublic ,an+ and this had soon grown to a )oint at which a )articularly curious
,an or wo,an thought of going to @ld :ill and boldly as-ing: 3Who is it64 :ut, as I said,
what 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins would say to such 3butting in4 was -nown to all :ranton
!ills. "o. 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins could doll u) and trot around all that that )ortly &olon
,ight wish+ but, so to say, a sign was always hanging fro, his coat front, saying:2
3!A"I& @CC///4
Q Q Q Q
"ina Ada,s and Virginia sat on Gadsby7s )orch with "ancy and Lathlyn+ and @ld :ill
was u) as a to)ic. Virginia, constantly s,iling and inwardly chuc-ling, hadn7t ,uch to say
about our fris-y 'ouncil,an+ and "ancy and Lathlyn couldn7t fatho, why. :ut "ina, not
so bac-ward, said:
3(ffft/ If a ,an wants to throw old clothing away and buy stylish outfits, what affair is it,
but his own6 It isn7t right so to )ic- out a ,an, and turn hi, into a laughing stoc- of a city.
@ld :ill isn7t a bad sort+ )ossibly born grouchy+ but if a grouchy ,an or wo,an, >and I
-now a bunch of that class in this town/? can )ull out of it, and laugh, and find a bit of Joy
in living, I thin- it is an occasion for congratulations, not booing.4
3@h,4 said Lathlyn, 3I don7t thin- anybody is booing 'ouncil,an &i,)-ins. :ut you
-now that any showing of such an innovation is a)t to start gossi). Fust why, I don7t -now.
It, though, is a trait of $an-ind only. Ani,als don7t 8bloo,7 out so abru)tly. 0ou can hunt
through :iology, Koology or any si,ilar study, and find but slow, *awfully slow,2
ada)tations toward any for, of variation. !urrying was not -nown until $an got
around.4
3$y/4 said "ancy, gas)ing, and not giggling now, 3I wish that I could -now all that you
-now, Lathy. As our slang )uts it, 8I don7t -now nothin7.74
3:ut, you could,4 said Lathlyn, 3if you would only study. All through our young days,
you -now, with you and :ill out at a card or dancing )arty, you in fli,sy frills, and :ill
swishing around in sartorial glory, I was u)stairs, studying. And so was Fulius.4
3hat7s right,4 said "ina. 3I wish Virginia would study.4
3@h, I a,/4 said Virginia, all aglow. 30ou6 &tudying what64
3Aviation/ !arold is going to show24
3"ow, Virginia, !arold is not/4 and "ina Ada,s7 foot was down/ 3It7s not so bad for a
,an to fly, but a girl24
3:ut, $a,a, lots of girls fly, nowadays.4
3I -now that, and I also -now a girl who won7t/4 and, Just as Bucy has always -nown that
@ld o, 0oung7s 8no7 was a no, Just so had "ina Ada,s brought u) Virginia.
3:ut,4 said Lathlyn, 3this s-y*shooting tal- isn7t finding out anything about 'ouncil,an
&i,)-ins+4 and Virginia said:2
3(ossibly @ld :ill wants to 8fly high.7 I thin- I7ll as- !arold about ta-ing hi, u) for a
Jaunt.4
his, bringing a ha))y laugh all around, "ina said:*
3"ow don7t Jolly )oor :ill too ,uch. I don7t -now what, or who, got hi, to 8going social.74
And "ancy, giggling, said:2
3I )ut u) a dollar, with Bucy7s dollar*fifty that it7s a wo,an.4
3@h, I don7t -now, now,4 said "ina. 3A ,an isn7t always trotting around on a wo,an7s
a)ron strings,4 and, as it was growing dar-, "ina and Virginia got u) to go.
(assing down Gadsby7s front wal-, a soft night wind brought bac- to that )orch:2
3"ow, Virginia, 1uit this/ 0ou will stay on solid ground/4
3Aw, $a/ !arold says24
:ut a big bus, roaring by, cut it short.
Q Q Q Q
Fust a ,onth fro, this, !is !onor, sitting on his )orch with his 3$orning (ost4 ran across
a short bit, Just two rows of )rint, which had hi, calling 3!i/4 which Bady Gadsby too- as
a signal for a 1uic- tri) to that )orch.
3All right, 0our !onor/ @n duty/ What7s u)64
Gadsby, folding his 3(ost4 into a narrow colu,n, and handing it to that waiting lady, said
nothing. As that good wo,an saw that )aragra)h. Gadsby saw first a gas), following that,
a grin, and finally:2
3Why/ @f all things/ &o that7s "ina24
hat row of )rint said, si,)ly:2
3:y (astor :rown, on &aturday night, in (astor7s study, "ina Ada,s and 'ouncil,an
&i,)-ins.4
3Why/4 said Bady Gadsby, laughing, 3"ina sat on this )orch only last ,onth, tal-ing
about @ld :ill, but saying nothing about this/ I7, going right around to hug that darling
wo,an+ for that is what I call tact.4
&o, as "ina and our Bady sat tal-ing, "ina said:
30ou -now that :ill and I, growing u) fro, -ids in school, always got along grandly+ no
childhood s)ats+ but, still it was no 8crush7 such as 0outh falls into. As :ill got out of high
school, I still had two roo,s to go through. 0ou also -now that I wasn7t a 8$iss7 for long
fro, graduation day. :ut Irving Ada,s was lost in that awful 8itanic7 cala,ity, and I
brought u) ,y baby in ,y widowhood. :ill was always sy,)athi9ing and )atroni9ing,
though all :ranton !ills thought hi, a cast*iron grouch. :ut a )ublic ,an is not always
stiff and hard in his off hours+ and :ill and I, slowly but gradually finding ,any a ha))y
hour could24
3All right, you grand, luscious thing//4 and Bady Gadsby and "ina sat laughing on a
couch, as in old, old school days. 3And,4 said "ina, ha))ily+ 3)oor :ill7s u)stairs, now,
)utting his things around to suit hi,. Biving for so long in a s,all lodging all his things
staid in a trun-. A lodging*roo, always has various fol-s around, you -now, and a ,an
don7t lay his things out as in his own roo,. &o24
3"ina,4 said Bady Gadsby+ 3do you -now what brought hi, out of his old shut*in way of
loo-ing at things64
3Cro, Just a word or two :ill dro)s, occasionally, I thin- that a child is24
And Bady Gadsby, said+ 30ou -now our Good :oo-7s saying about: 8And a tiny child shall
274
NB Eo 'hrist,as ;DA0H
&IN $@"!& C#@$ !A day u)on which old $ars, God of War had angrily thrown
down his cannons, tan-s, gas*bo,bs and so on, fu,ing at $an7s inability to 3stand u)4 to
it, Gadsby7s ,ansion was dar- again. "ot totally dar-+ Just his )arlor la,), and a light or
two in halls and on stairways. And so this history found "ancy and Lathlyn out on that
,oon*lit )orch+ "ancy sobbing, fighting it off, and sobbing again. all, studious, loving
Lathlyn, sitting fondly by "ancy7s tiny for,, said+2
3"ow, sis+ I wouldn7t cry so ,uch, for I don7t thin- that conditions, Just now, call for it.4
3:*b*b*but I7d sto) if I could, wouldn7t I64 and )oor "ancy was sobbing again. 3"ow,
wait/4 and Lathlyn, unco,,only cross, vigorously shoo- "ancy7s ar,. 30ou can7t gain a
thing this way. $a,a is )robably all right. @h, is that you, Iaddy64
!is !onor sat down by his two girls. Gadsby was not loo-ing good. :lac- rings around
his always laughing orbs+ a hard cast to that Jovial ,outh+ a gray hair or two, cro))ing u)
a,ongst his wavy brown. :ut Gadsby was not old. @h, no+ far fro, it. &till, that stoo) in
wal-ing+ that odd, li,) slu,) in sitting+ that toning down in Joviality, had, for si5 ,onths
)ast, had all :ranton !ills sy,)athi9ing with its )o)ular $ayor.
Q Q Q Q
Iays+ days+ days/ And, oh/ that tough )art, **nights, nights, nights/ "ights of two young
cha)s, in full clothing, only Just na))ing on a )arlor couch. "ights of two girls nodding in
chairs in a di,ly,2oh, so di,ly a lit roo,.
It got around al,ost to 'hrist,as, only a fortnight to that ha))y day+ but,2ha))y in
Gadsby7s ,ansion6 Cinally Cran- too- a hand:2 3"ow, -id, do try to sto) this crying/ 0ou
-now I7, not scolding you, darling, but, you Just can7t go on, this way+ and that7s that/4
3I7, trying so hard, hubby/4
"ow "ancy was of that good, sturdy old 'olonial stoc- of !is !onor and Bady Gadsby+
and so, as 'hrist,as was a))roaching, and ,any a bunch of holly hung in :roadway7s big
windows, and as ,any a &alvation Ar,y &anta 'laus stood at its curbs, "ancy7s
constitution won out+ but a badly worn young lady was in and out of Gadsby7s ,ansion
daily+ bringing baby Billian to -iss Grand,a, and riding bac- with Cran- at about si5
o7cloc-.
Q Q Q Q
@ld Ioctor Wil-ins, co,ing in on a cool, shar) night, found !is !onor, "ancy, Lathlyn,
:ill, Fulius, Bucy, $ary, Cran- and Fohn all in that big )arlor.
3"ow, you bunch, it7s u) to you. Bady Gadsby will )ull through all right,4 >"ancy rushing
wildly to -iss hi,/? 3it hangs now u)on good nursing+ and I -now you will furnish that.
And I will say without a wis) of a doubt, that a cal,, ha))y roo,+ not too ,any around+
and2and2h,,,// Fulius, can7t you hunt around in our woods that you and Lathlyn
-now so thoroughly, and find a tall, straight young fir+ cut it down, rig it u) with lights
and a lot of shiny stuff+ stand it u) in your $a7s roo,, and24
Q Q Q Q
8is a night, al,ost 'hrist,as,
And all through that roo,
A war, Joy is stirring+
"o sign of a gloo,.
And 3$a,4 sitting u),
In gay gown, and ca),
"o, no/ Will not start
@n a long wintry na)/
Cor, out on that lawn
A grou) of girls stand+
A grou) singing carols
With )art of our :and.
And that ,oon, in full vigor,
Was lustrous+ and lo/
@ur Bady is singing/
Aha, now I -now
hat "ancy and Lathlyn
And Fulius and :ill
And also !is !onor,
Will sing with a will/
And @ld Ioctor Wil-ins
A,idst it all stands+
&,iling and nodding,
And rubbing his hands+
And, sliding out, slyly+
'alls bac- at that sight:2
3!a))y 'hrist,as to all+
And to all a Good "ight/4
Along about ,idnight a ha))y grou) sat around Gadsby7s )arlor la,), as Ir. Wil-ins was
saying:*
3&to))ing a war+ that is, sto))ing actual ,ilitary co,bat, is not sto))ing a war in all its
factors. Iuring continuous hard strain a hu,an ,ind can hold u)+ and it is truly a,a9ing
how ,uch it can stand. Iay by day, with that war*strain of worry )ulling it down, it
staunchly holds aloof, as a ,ighty oa- in facing a stor,. :ut it has a li,it// With too ,uch
and too long strain, it will sna)+ Just as that ,ighty oa- will fall, in a long fight. Bady
Gadsby will avoid such a sna) though it is by a narrow ,argin.4
As this grou) sat in that holly*hung )arlor, with that big cloth sign in big gold ca)itals+
!A((0 '!#I&$A&, across its bac- wall+ with horns tooting outdoors+ with ,any a
window around town aglow with tiny, dancing tallow*di) lights+ with baby Billian 3all
snuggling2so war, in a cot+ as vision of sugar )lu,s42 >and why shouldn7t a baby thin-
of sugar )lu,s on that night, al,ost 'hrist,as6?+ as, I say, this ha))y grou) sat around
Gadsby7s la,), $ars, that gri, old war tyrant, was far, far away. %)stairs, cal,ly
snoo9ing on a big downy )illow, Bady Gadsby was now ra)idly co,ing bac- again to that
bu5o,, ha))y*go*luc-y Cirst Bady of :ranton !ills.
NBI E&)ring ;DA;H
'!#I&$A&, GA0 A"I ha))y in Gadsby7s ,ansion, was soon far, far bac-. A robin or
two was ho))ing about on !is !onor7s lawn, loo-ing for a s1uir,ing lunch+ Bady was
ta-ing short wal-s with "ancy+ Lathlyn having to go bac- to wor- in our big hos)ital.
Bilac, syringa, narcissus, tuli)s, hyacinths burst out in a riot of bloo,+ and a bright war,
&un brought Joy to all. And so this history found !is !onor on his )orch with his 3(ost4
as a young lad, co,ing u), said+2 3Good ,orning, sir. I7, soliciting funds for a big
stadiu, for :ranton !ills, which will furnish an o))ortunity for football, )olo, 24
3Whoa/4 said Gadsby, )utting down his 3(ost4 and loo-ing critically at his young visitor.
30ou loo- a bit fa,iliar, boy. @ho/ If it isn7t -id :an-s+ oh, )ardon/ 2 Allan :an-s+ son of
'ouncil,an :an-s/ 0ou young fol-s grow u) so fast I don7t -now half of you. "ow what
about this soliciting. Who is bac- of you64
3:ranton !ills7 @rgani9ation of 0outh+ (art wo, sir.4
3:ranton !ills @rg2 !a, ha/ %)on ,y word/ Who is starting this grou)64
$ary, co,ing out fro, !is !onor7s )arlor, said:2
3@h, I forgot to notify you of this. "or,an has got about fifty -ids fro, Gra,,ar &chool
boys and girls, an5ious to follow in your @rgani9ation7s foot*)rints.4
Was Gadsby ha))y6 Iid Gadsby thrill6 Iid that long*)ast, ha))y day float in glowing
colors through his ,ind6 It did. And now that old, hard*wor-ing bunch of -ids, grown u),
now, and with -ids of its own+ that loyal bunch of young s)routs was ta-ing root+ was
born again/
@h, how 0outh crawls u) on you/ !ow a tiny girl 3al,ost instantly4 shoots u) into a tall,
char,ing young wo,an/ !ow a to)*s)inning, ball*tossing, racing, shouting boy loo,s u)
into a ,anly young cha) in $ilitary &chool unifor,/ Gadsby was ha))y+ for, wasn7t this a
tonic for his s)inal colu,n6 &o !is !onor said+2
3Allan, I thin- :ranton !ills will officially aid this stadiu, )lan. I7ll )ut it u) to 'ouncil.4
:ut, Allan :an-s, not Lid :an-s now, was Just so old as to -now a thing or two about
'ouncil bills+ and, out as a solicitor, naturally sought a good showing on donations won,
so said+2
3A 'ouncil donation will fit in grand, sir+ but how about grouchy old :ill &i,)- 24
3rot along, Allan.4
3:ut how about this stadiu,6 I7, doubting @ld :24
3rot along, Allan.4
Q Q Q Q
What $ary had said was a fact. "or,an Antor had not only fought a ,ilitary war+
"or,an Antor had also fought an inward war. A war, which fought hi, with gallon Jugs,
s,all )hials, s)oons, ,i5ing a))aratus, and 2 a stu,bling, ,u,bling stu)or/ "or,an
had fought with about two ,illion lads in that ,ilitary war+ but now, with no aid but a
strain of good blood, starting way bac- of his carousing Iad >but, as such traits ,ay,
s-i))ing a notch or two, and i,)lanting in this young lad Just a grain of its old nobility of
,ind?, was fighting again+ and, Just as any solitary young cha) a,ongst that two ,illion
loyally did his )art, Just so was this tiny grain now doing its )art+ fighting valiantly in his
brain. It was giving hi, torturing thoughts in ar,y night*ca,)s, of a darling, loving
young girl, a )art of his own fa,ily, growing u) 3in a )ool of li1uor+4 thoughts in night*
ca,)s of :ranton !ills7 )atrol*wagon tri)s to Jail+ and Iarn that thought of Virginia/
Virginia drun- by his own hand/ %gh// Why not cho) that stin-ing hand off6 And, on
co,ing bac- to :ranton !ills, watching that darling $ary in &alvation Ar,y unifor,,
tra,)ing, tal-ing, )raying for Just such low*down 3li1uor hounds4 as2.
@h/ It was an awful fight/ A long, brain*rac-ing onslaught against a villain shut in by walls
of iron/ :ut though "or,an Antor7s night*ca,) fights with "or,an Antor had 3)ut a big
-ic-4 in his wish to 3lay off that stuff,4 Just a final blow, Just an awful brain*crashing blast
was still ,issing, so that that big right hand ,ight )oint s-yward, to clinch that vow. And
that blast was waiting for "or,an/ o anybody standing around, it wasn7t ,uch of a blast+
but it was/ It was a ,ighty concussion of .".., co,ing as $ary, young, loving, )raying
$ary, said, as his ar,s unwound fro, around that frail for,+2
3Why, "or,an/ "ot drun-64
God// What flashing, shooting, si99ling s)ar-s shot through his brain// %), out, in+ all
-inds of ways// What crashing bo,bs//
And, that first cal, night on @ld Bady Clanagan7s )orch+ that ,oonlit night of bliss, with
soft, cuddling, snuggling, laughing, crying darling $ary/
3I say,4 "or,an was shouting, inwardly+ 3that night of bliss was a night of bliss and don7t
anybody try to say that it wasn7t/4
Cor it was a night on which a young ,an7s &oul was bac-+ bac- in its own $ind, now full
of God7s inco,)arably grand )urity/
Q Q Q Q
Bady Gadsby was visiting "ina, sitting in that big front )arlor+ Virginia sitting cal,ly
roc-ing+ >and, h,,,/ hat was about all Virginia ought to do, Just now/? A young !igh
&chool girl, co,ing in, said:2 3Good ,orning/ I7, soliciting for funds for a stadiu, for
24
3$arian/4 sang out Virginia, 3What7s all this6 0ou soliciting64
3Why not64 said $arian, brightly. 3"or,an Antor7s @rgani9ation of 0outh+ (art wo, is
soli 24
3"or,an Antor7s what64 and Virginia was all agog in an instant, as $arian !o)-ins told
all about it+ and, with childish fli))ancy, forgot all about soliciting, saying:2
3I was told that !arold is giving flying instructions. Ion7t you want to fly6 $y/ I do/4
3I did,4 said Virginia, softly+ 3but, 2not now4+ and $arian was a bit too young to -now
why Bady Gadsby was s,iling at "ina/
As "ancy found out about this, on Bady Gadsby7s co,ing bac- to lunch, that 3old :ranton
!ills ,atron,4 as Gadsby found a lot of fun calling 3his baby girl,4 now*a*days, said,
giggling:2
3"o/ Virginia/ you7ll stay on solid ground/4
EeditHNBII EFuly ;DA;H
BAI0 GAI&:0 A"I !is !onor sat in :ranton !ills7 Cirst 'hurch, on a hot Fuly &unday.
@ut*doors, twitting birds, lacy clouds, and gay blosso,s, told of ha))y hours in this long,
bright ,onth. (astor :rown, announcing a hy,n, said:2
3his is a char,ing hy,n. @ur choir always sings it without co,)any+ but today, I want
all you good fol-s to Join in. Fust )our forth your Joy and sing it, good and strongly.4
hat hy,n had si5 stan9as+ and Gadsby, noting an actually grand bass singing Just bac- of
hi,, thought of turning around, fro, curiosity+ and as that fifth stan9a was starting, said
to Bady Gadsby:2
3Io you -now who that is, singing that grand bass )art64
Bady Gadsby didn7t+ but Bady Gadsby was a wo,an+ and, fro, "oah7s Ar- to :ranton
!ills7 Cirst 'hurch, wo,an, as a branch of $an-ind, was curious. &o a slow casual turning
brought a dig in !is honor7s ribs:2 3it7s "or,an Antor/4
(astor :rown, standing at that big church door as fol-s filing out would sto) for a word or
two, said to Gadsby:*
30oung Antor is invariably in church, now*a*days. I ,ay add to ,y choir, and a,
thin-ing of )utting hi, in it. I7, so glad to find out about that boy winning his fight. I
always thought "or,an would turn out all right.4
(astor :rown was right+ and two :ranton !ills girls, a &alvation Ar,y lady, and a tiny tot
of si5 had won crowns of Glory, fro, throwing rays of light into two badly stagnant
$inds.
NBIII Ehan-sgiving ;DA;H
!I#0*&IN $@"!&. hat7s not so long a run in daily affairs, and this :ranton !ills
history finds han-sgiving Iay dawning. In :ranton !ills7 locality it is not, custo,arily,
what you would call a cold day. $any a han-sgiving has had war,, bal,y air, and
without snow+ though, also, without all that vast ar,y of tiny chir)ing, singing, bu99ing
things on lawn or branch. :ut contrast has its own valuation+ for, through it, co,,on
sights, vanishing annually, show u) with a ha))y Joy, u)on co,ing bac-. Ah/ hat first
faint coloring of grass, in &)ring/ hat baby bud, on shrub or )lant, shyly as-ing our
loving &outh Wind if it7s all right to )o) out, now. hat s)routing of big brown li,bs on
oa- and birch+ that first 3blush of &)ring4 in orchards+ that first furry, fu99y, cuddly s)ray
of )ussy willows/ &)ring and Call+ two big )oints in your tri) along your (athway. Call
with its rubbish fro, ,onths of labor corn*stal-s, brown, dry grass, old twigs lying
around, wilting )lants+ bright colorings bla9ing in distant woodlands+ chill winds crawling
in through windows, at night. And &)ring/ (ic-*u), )aint*u), wash*u) &)ring// &o, as I
said, :ranton !ills got around to han-sgiving Iay+ that day on which as ,any of a
fa,ily as )ossibly can should sit around a co,,on board+ co,ing fro, afar, or fro, only
a door or two away.
Gadsby7s dining*roo, was not big+ it had always sat but si5 in his fa,ily. :ut, on this
han-sgiving Iay, 2h,,,/ 3Wait, now 2 uh*huh, that7s it. Fust run that )air of sliding
doors bac-, )ut that )arlor la,) u)stairs+ and that )iano6 Why not roll it out into ,y front
hall6 I -now it will loo- odd, but you can7t go through a han-sgiving 8sou) to nuts7
standing u). Got to Ja, in chairs, any old way/4
:ut who is all this ,ob that will turn !is !onor7s dining*roo, into a thirty*foot hall6 I7ll
loo- around, as our ha))y, laughing, singing, cla))ing grou) sits down to Gadsby7s
han-sgiving )arty.
I find two 3)osts of honor+4 >$y gracious/ so far a)art/?+ !is !onor, with carving tools
filling dish, dish, and dish.
3Atta boy/ Atta girl/ (ass u) your chow*dish/ his bird has but two dru,*stic-s, but si5 of
his cousins wait, out in our coo-*sho)/ Bots of grub/ What7s that, Fulius6 A bit of dar-6
Want any gravy64
At (ost wo sits 3$a+4 again in that good old bu5o, condition, so fa,iliar to all :ranton
!ills+ 2
3#ight this way, fol-s, for )otato, s1uash, onions, carrots and turni)//4
What a ha))y bunch/ Collowing around fro, Gadsby, sit :ill, Bucy and Addison. :ut
whoa/ Who7s this Addison6 @h, )ardon+ I forgot all about it. Bucy7s baby+ and his first
han-sgiving. !i, you/ ut*tut/ $ustn7t grab raisins/ "aughty, naughty/ @n Bucy7s right sit
$ary, Fulius and "or,an+ following along, I find "ancy, Cran- and :aby Billian, Lathlyn,
Fohn, Bady &tandish, (riscilla and !ubby Arthur #an-in+ "ina Ada,s, 2 @h/ A thousand
)ardons// 2 "ina &i,)-ins/ and @ld :ill. &ay/ 0ou wouldn7t -now :ill/ :right, ha))y,
laughing, singing, and ta))ing a cu) with his s)oon+ s)ic-*s)an suit, and that now fa,ous
3:roadway carnation.4 !ulloa, :ill+ you old s)ort// Glad to find you loo-ing so ha))y/
What6 wo whac-s at that bird6 Why :ill// @n :ill7s right sits (astor :rown, old Ioctor
Wil-ins, !arold, Virginia, and (atricia. @h, )ardon again/ (atricia, Virginia7s baby+ Just si5
,onths old, today, and valiantly trying to swallow a half*)ound candy cow/ Collowing
around I find @ld o, 0oung, &arah, and (aul. "o, I don7t find a high*chair by &arah+ but
&arah sits Just roc-ing, roc-ing, roc-ing, now*a*days. Collowing on, again, is @ld o,
Ionaldson, 'lancy, Iowd, and2@ld Bady Clanagan, with 3this do, thing I calls
hoosband/4 And lastly, $arian and old (at #yan fro, our railway station7s trun- roo,.
&o it was Just laugh, tal-, 3stuff,4 and2
Q Q Q Q
@h, hu,/ Col-s can7t stay all night, you -now+ so, finally, grou)s and )airs, drifting out, all
had ha))y words for !is !onor and Bady Gadsby+ and !is !onor, a word or two+ for you
-now Gadsby can tal-6 &o it was:2
3Good night, "ina+ good luc-, @ld :ill/ @h/ say, :ill+ will that cigar blow u)6 Good night,
Virginia+ and ta*ta (atricia+ and Virginia, you ,ind your $a and stay down on solid
ground/ Aha, 'lancy/ 0ou old ,otor*)u,) fan/ "o+ that7s wrong+ ani,al*drawn )u,)/
Good night, (astor :rown+ so glad you )ut "or,an in your choir. And now @ld o, and
&arah/ o,, you loo- as young as on that day on which you brought &arah, Just a tiny,
s1ualling, fist*waving bunch, to this )orch to as- about ado)tion/ And I -now &arah has
always had a -ind, loving Iad. (aul, you young s)rout/ As you turn into a daddy, soon
now, you7ll find that, on ,arrying, a ,an and wo,an start actually living. It7s ,iraculous,
(aul, that7s Just what it is.4
And so it was+ )airs and grou)s sha-ing hands and laughing, until finally a big bu5o,
wo,an sang out:*
3Whoo)s// It was a wow of a grub*lay*out/ It was thot/ :ut this do, thing I calls
hoosband. &ay/ 0ou grub*stuffin7 var,int/ (hwat7s that in your hat6 A droo,*stic-, is it6
Io you want !is !onor to thin- I don7t coo- nuthin7 for you6 Goodnight, all/ I7, thot full
I7, al,ost a*bustin7/4
As Bady &tandish shoo- hands, that worthy wo,an said:2
3Fohn, what you did for :ranton !ills should go into our "ational Bibrary at Washington,
in )lain sight.4
3&ally, 0outh7s )art was )ara,ount in all that wor-. All I did was to boss+4 and @ld Ioc
Wil-ins, co,ing out, nibbling a bunch of raisins, said:*
3%h*huh+ but a boss ,ust -now his Job/4
3hat7s all right,4 said Gadsby+ 3but it was young hands and young ,inds that did ,y
wor-/ Ion7t dis1ualify 0outh for it will fool you, if you do/4
Q Q Q
A glorious full ,oon sails across a s-y without a cloud. A cris) night air has fol-s turning
u) coat collars and -ids ho))ing u) and down for war,th. And that giant star, &irius,
win-ing slyly, -nows that soon, now, that light u) in !is !onor7s roo, window will go
out. Cttt/ It is out/ &o, as &irius and Buna hold an all*night vigil, I7ll say a soft 3Good*night4
to all our ha))y bunch, and to Fohn Gadsby 2 0outh7s 'ha,)ion.
CI"I&