ACT I

Scene 1

(Curtainsremainclosedatfirstandsingersenter
tosing"WhatsNewScoobyDoo"andvariousevents
happeningonstagethroughoutthesongforeshadows
someoftheeventsduringtheshow.Singersthen
exitandcurtainsopentoPRINCIPALgivinga
speechatapodium.SCOOBY,SHAGGY,DAPHNE,
FREDDY,andVELMA[whom,asacollectiveafter
thispoint,shallbereferredtoasTheGang]
andBLUE,STEVE,MAGENTA,PAPRIKA,SALT,and
PEPPER,alongwithvariousextras,arestanding,
watchingthePRINCIPALgivehisspeech.BLUElooks
anxious.STEVElooksbored.SHAGGYandSCOOBYare
eatingfromalargebagofchips.FREDandDAPHNE
arecuddlingwitheachother.VELMAislistening
intently.)
PRINCIPAL
And,asyourprincipal,Idliketomakesurethatall
ofyouhavethebestyearthatyoucouldpossiblyhave
hereat
(Lightscutoutandthereisashrill,unmanly
scream.Chatterarisesamongstthepeopleon
stage.ThelightscomebackonandthePRINCIPAL
isgone.Alargebluepawprintisleftatthe
podium.AndBLUEisstandingwhereSTEVEwas
beforethelightshadcutout.)
FRED
Whatjusthappened?

VELMA
Ourprincipalisgone!

SHAGGY
(worriedlike)
Ohno!Likewhatarewegonnado?

(CUSTODIANANNAenterssweepingthestageandshe
noticesthechaosgoingon.Sheisaverygrouchy
personandtakestothepodiumwithherbroom.)

CUSTODIANANNA
Gobacktoyourclasses!Ifnooneismakingaspeech
thenyouallaremakingamess!Sogetbacktodoing
whatyouresupposedtobedoing.Dosomemathor
something!

(CUSTODIANANNAexitsthestagesweepingstill.)

PAPRIKA
(anxiouslygrowingtobemorelikea
fullblownpanic)
Butourprincipalismissing!Whatarewegoingtodo?
Hestheleaderofeverything!Heswritingcollege
recommendationsforsomeofus.Whosgoingtomake
sureweresafeatschool?Iftheresazombievirus
outbreak,whowillcommandusandkeepusfrombeing
infected?Whatifameteorhitstheearthandweare
wipedoutlikethedinosaurs?Whowillsaveus?Who?

SALT
Calmdown,Paprika.Maybeourprincipaljusthadto
takeabathroomrunorsomething.

PEPPER
No,didntyouhearthatmanlyscream?Hewastotally
kidnapped.

DAPHNE
Really?Butwhowouldkidnapourprincipal?

FRED
Idontknow,butIdoknowthatmaybeweshouldsplit
upandlookforclues.

SCOOBY
IllgowithShaggy!

SHAGGY
AndIllbringthechips!

VELMA
Justaquestion.Areyouguysreallyallthatoblivious
thatyoudontseethegiantinkstainonthepodium?
Itlookslikeapawprint.

EVERYONEELSE
Oh.

SCOOBY
(suddenlyexcited)
Waitasecond.Itssenioryearandwearealltogether
soIthinkthisisagreattimetotakeaselfie.

(TheGanggathersforaOscarSelfieandthey
shuffleofftothesideofthestage)

SELFIE

(SCOOBYislookingthroughhisphoneatthe
selfiesthatwerejusttakenandasheis
distractedlywalking,hewalksrightintoBLUE,
whostilllookskindofjumpyandsuspicious.
Musicplaysinthebackgroundandaloveatfirst
sightkindofthinghappens.)
BLUE
Uh...Hey...YoureScoobyright..?

SCOOBY
Yeah,yeah.Gottago.

(SCOOBYexitsandBLUElookslonginglyathimfor
amomentbeforeSTEVEsighsanddragsheroffof
thestage.)

SCENE 2

(SCOOBYandSHAGGYaresittingandeating.VELMA
issearchingforcluesofftotheside.FREDand
DAPHNEarebeingcuddlyandnotdoingtheirjobof
searchingforclues.BLUEcomesinlookinga
littlelessanxiousandalittlemoreconfident.)

BLUE
Heythere,Scooby.

SCOOBY
Heythere...Uh..YoureMagenta,right?

BLUE
(motioningtoherbluehairandblue
clothes)
Areyoudense?

SCOOBY
Periwinkle?

BLUE
Blue.MynameisBlue.

(SHAGGYslowlybeginstorealisewhatsgoingon
andthatSCOOBYisbeinganidiot.)

SHAGGY
Hey,Scoob,ImgonnagolookforclueswithVelma.
(SHAGGYmovesovertoVELMA)

SCOOBY
Seeyalater,alligator!

SHAGGY
Inawhile,crocodile!

BLUE
So,Scooby,Ihearthatyoudonthaveadatetothe
schooldancethatscomingup.

SCOOBY
Actually,Iwasntevenplanningongoing
(BLUEleansintoSCOOBY)

BLUE
ButIthinkyoushouldandwecanhaveagoodtime
together.

(SCOOBYfinallylooksupintoBLUESeyesandis
captivatedbyherinstantly)

SCOOBY
Uh..Yeahyeahthatsoundsgreat.Yeah.

BLUE
Heresmynumber.Keepmepostedonwhenyouwantto
meetup.

(BLUEhandsSCOOBYapostitandexits.VELMA
walksoverandleansoverSCOOBYSshoulder)

VELMA
Jenkies!
(VELMAjotssomethingdowninhernotebookand
shufflesaway.SCOOBYstandsupandlooksasifhe
hashisheadintheclouds.Ifanyothersareon
stage,theyexit.)

SCOOBY
(confused)
IthinkIminlove.

(SCOOBYexits)

SCENE 3

(BLUE,MAGENTA,PAPRIKA,SALT,PEPPER,andSTEVE
areallsittingaroundinacircle.STEVElooks
boredandannoyedandeveryoneelseisengagedand
focusedonBLUE.Ontheotherhalfofthestage,
sitsTheGangsitsfocusingonSCOOBY.The
attentionandspotlightsswitchfromeachgroupas
someoneinthegroupspeaks.)

MAGENTA
Comeon,Blue!Wevebeenyourbestfriendsforeverand
youTOTALLYhavetotelluswhoyouarecrushingon.

SALT
Wecanallseeit.Youreglowing.

PEPPER
Yeah,youvegotheartsinyoureyes,gurl.

PAPRIKA
(lungingtowardsBLUE)
Therearenoheartsinthere!

BLUE
(PushingPAPRIKAaway)
Notactualhearts.AndIamnotcrushingonanyone.
Comeonguys.Leavemealoneaboutit.
LIGHTSWITCH

FRED
Scoobyhasacrush!

DAPHNE
Dontmakefunofhimaboutit!Itssocute.

VELMA
Butwhataboutourmissingprincipal?

SCOOBY
Dontworryaboutit.Please.Itdoesntmatter.

SHAGGY
(singsong)
Iknowwhoitis.
LIGHTSWITCH

MAGENTA
Blue,itsme.Magenta.Youhavetotellme.Please?

SALT
Andyourtwomaingirls,SaltandPepper.

PEPPER
Yeah,isitSteve?
(EVERYONElooksoveratSTEVEandSTEVErollshis
eyes.)

BLUE
No,no,what?

MAGENTA
Thenwhoisit?

SALTANDPEPPER
Yeah,who?

LIGHTSWITCH

SHAGGY
Ifyoudonttellthem,Iwill!

FRED
Yeah,wereTheGang.MysteryInc!

DAPHNE
Comeon,tellus!

LIGHTSONBOTH

BLUE
ItsScoobyDoo,okay?Happy?

SCOOBY
ItsBlue!Shesperfect!

LIGHTSWITCH

MAGENTA
Oh.My.Gosh.Really?Scooby?

SALT
Well,notwhoIwasexpecting...Butokay.

PEPPER
Yeah,ImeanIguessthatheskindofcute.

STEVE
(annoyed)
Ithinkweneedtobetalkingaboutbiggerthings,
Blue.YouandIneedtodiscussimportantissues.

BLUE
Oh,yeahright.
LIGHTSWITCH

DAPHNE
Thatssocute!YouguysmightjustoutdoFredandI
asthe"Mostadorablecouple"

SCOOBY
Imnotdatingheryet.Relax.

VELMA
(sarcastically)
Yeah,ofcourse.Blue.Shessogreat.Canwejustgo
backtolookingforcluesastowhereourmissing
principal?Theschooldanceistonight,arewesupposed
tolookforcluesthen?

SCOOBY
Youguyscan,butIalreadytextedBlue,andImgoing
tomeetherafterschooltorelaxbeforethedance.But
asfornow,weshouldallgettoclass.

(TheGangexits.LightsswitchbacktoBLUEand
allofthem.EveryoneoverthereexitsexceptBLUE
andSTEVEandtheytakecenterstage.)

STEVE
Youknowthatyouresupposedtoblamethe
disappearanceoftheprincipalonScooby,right?

BLUE
Idontevenunderstandwhywehadtodothis.Imean,
whatdidheeverdotous?

STEVE
Well,itwasntourchoice.Itoldyou,Igotanotein
mylockersayingthatifwedidntgetridofthe
principal,ourtranscriptswouldbedestroyedandso
wouldourchancesofgettingintocollege.Andyouknow
howmuchIwanttogetintoHarvard,Blue.

BLUE
But

STEVE
Nobuts.GetreadytopinitallonScooby.Wearent
goingtotakethefallforthis.
(STEVEexits.)

BLUE
Ireallylikehim.Ineverevennoticedhimuntilthis
year.Yeah,thewholeScoobyDoogangisknownaround
school,buttheywerejustthat,almostawhole
separateuniversethatIneverreallybotheredpaying
attentionto,butnowIsawhim.Isaweverythingthat
Ilikedabouthim.Hessweet,abitofanairhead,but
sweetnonetheless.AndIhonestlythinkthatits
adorablethathealmostalwayscarriesabagofchips
withhim.HeandShaggyarealwayseating!ButnowI
havetoblamehimforsomethinghedidntdo?Acrime?
Isthatevenworthit?AmIgoingtosacrificeloveat
firstsightforsomestrangeschemeStevewantsmeto
joininon?Idontknowwhattodo.Itssenior
year...Thisyearissupposedtobeeasy,yetnoneof
thisisevenabiteasy.

SCENE 4

(Theschooldanceisabouttohappen.Curtainsare
halfopenandmusicblaringfrombehindthe
curtains.SCOOBYisstandingbehindthecurtains
butisvisibleintheopenpart.BLUEenterswith
SALTandPEPPERandPAPRIKA.)

BLUE
Ineedyouguystodomeafavour.

SALT
Anythingforyou,Blue.

PEPPER
Werealwaysatyourside.

PAPRIKA
Iwanttohelp!

BLUE
Sorry,Paprika,butIthinkthisismoreofajobfor
SaltandPepper.

PAPRIKA
ButIwannadothistoo!Youalwaysletthemdothings
andImyourfriendtoo!Iwanttohelp.Letmehelp!
LETMEHELP!

BLUE
Okay,yougoandmakesurethatthelineforsodastays
short.YouknowhowmuchIlikemyPepsi.

PAPRIKA
Okay!
(PAPRIKArunsoffthroughthecurtains.)

BLUE
Okay,soIneedyoutwotomakesurethateveryoneat
thedancestaysdistracted.Imgoingtosearchfor
cluesastowhereourprincipaldisappearedoffto,but
noonecanknowthatImsearchinghisoffice.

SALT
Noproblem.Wecandothatinoursleep.

PEPPER
Butwearentgoingtosleep,becauseSaltandPepper
lovetodance.

(SCOOBYandBLUEexitandthecurtainsopen
completelyandPushItdancehappens.Curtains
thencloseagainandBLUEwalksbackoutinfront
ofthecurtain.Then,afteramoment,SCOOBY
enters.)

SCOOBY
Thereyouare!Iwaswaitinginsideforyou,butI
mean,Iguessyouwereouthere.

BLUE
Uh..Yeah,Iwasthinking.Canwegouptothe
principalsofficetosearchforcluesrealquick?I
thinknowisagoodtimetogetthatdone.

SCOOBY
Sure,Iguess..Imean,Iwaslookingforwardto
dancingwithyouandhavingagoodnight,butwecango
upthere

BLUE
(sadly)
Yeah..Illmeetyouupstairs,okay?Illbethereina
second.
(SCOOBYexitsandBLUEpullsoutabottleofink)

BLUE
AllIhavetodoisspillthisinknearScoobysfeet
andhisfootprintswillbeallovertheprincipals
officeandhewillbeblamedforeverything...
(BLUEexits.)

SCENE 5

(SCOOBYandBLUEareabouttoentertheoffice
whenNEILstopsthem.)

NEIL
IAMNEILANDIWILLRULETHEHALLWAY.

BLUE
Hi,Neil.ScoobyandIarejustheretosearchthe
principalsofficeforclues.

NEIL
NONESHALLPASS.IAMTOLETNOONEIN.

SCOOBY
Comeon,letsjustgobackdowntothedance.

NEIL
YES.RETREAT.

BLUE
Comeon,please?WereBlueandScooby!Wesolve
mysteries!

NEIL
Hmm...NO.MAYBE.FINE.BUTDONTTOUCHANYTHING.OUR
PRINCIPALISMISSING!

BLUE
Thankssomuch!

(BLUEandSCOOBYentertheroombuttherestof
TheGangisalreadytherelookingforclues.Chase
sceneoccurs.Chaosensues.STEVEgetssuckedin.
TheGangeventuallyrunsintoNEILwhoiswearing
ahorsemaskandNEILfallsdown.)

VELMA
Stop!Whosthisguy?

DAPHNE
Hedoesntmatter.Yourecaught,Blue!Youregoingto
godownforthis!

FRED
Yeah!Kidnappingtheprincipalwasnotyourbrightest
idea.

BLUE
Icouldntblamehimanyway!Idontevenwanttobe
doingthis!Imsosorry!

(BLUEthrowsthebottleoffstageandthrowsher
armsaroundSCOOBY.STEVEenters,notpaying
attention.)

SHAGGY
Like,nicetryman,butwecaughtyou.

VELMA
IknewSteveandBluewereinvolvedbecauseatthe
speech,forsomereason,afterthelightshadgoneout,
theyswitchedseats.Plustherewasthegiantbluepaw
printonthepodium.Ididntthinkanythingofthat
untilBluegavehernumbertoScooby,andallofher
postitnoteshadbluepawprintsonthem.Iknewthey
hadtobeconnected.Then,onceIrealisedthatyouand
Scoobyhaddisappearedfromthedance,Ifiguredout
thatyouwerecomingupheretoblamethewholething
onScooby.

STEVE
Itwasntourfaultthough.Someonewasthreateningto
destroyourentireacademiccareers!

FRED
Butwhowoulddothat?Ifyoudidntactuallywantthe
principalgone,thenwhodid?

(NEILinthemask,standsup.SHAGGYfinally
noticeshim.)

SHAGGY
Zoinks!Amonster!
(SCOOBYjumpsintoSHAGGYSarms.)

NEIL
ITWASI,THEEVILDOER.MWAHAHAAHA.ILEFTTHATNOTE
INSTEVESLOCKER,ANDITHREATENEDTODESTROYTHEIR
TRANSCRIPTS.

BLUE
Thatvoice

SCOOBY
ItsNeil?
(SHAGGYgrabsthemaskoffofNEIL.)

DAPHNE
Butthen,whywouldNeilwantourprincipalgone?That
makesnosense.

VELMA
Well,Neilhascutclasssomanytimes,theprincipal
probablyrefusedtowritehimarecommendation.And
sinceNeilwasbehindit,thatwasprobablywhyhes
beenguardingtheofficeallday.

(CUSTODIANANNAenterswithherbroom,dragging
thePRINCIPALbehindher.)

CUSTODIANANNA
Thisisntabroom!Whyisitinmybroomcloset!

EVERYONE
Theprincipal!Yay!
(STILLMAN,BRANDEISandHAGERTYenter)

STILLMAN
UnfortunatelyforNeil,hewillbegettingquiteafew
weeksworthofdetention!

BRANDEIS
Ifnotmonths!

HAGERTY
And,ImsorrySteve,butyoullbegettingdetention
too.Tyinguptheprincipalandstickinghiminamop
bucketcannotcomewithoutconsequences.

NEIL
IWOULDHAVEGOTTENAWAYWITHITTOO,IFITWERENTFOR
YOUMEDDLINGKIDS.

(TheteachersescortSTEVEandNEILoffstage.)

BLUE
Atleastnowwecangodowntothedanceandhavesome
fun.

SHAGGY
Like,yeahman!

SCOOBY
Letsgo.Iknowthewhothebestdancerintheschool
is!

DAPHNE
Who?

SCOOBY
ScoobyDoobyDoo!

"All About That Bass"

Because you know
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case, no trouble
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case, no trouble
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case, no trouble
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case

Yeah it's pretty clear, we ain't no blind fools

Cause we go searching, searching
Like we're supposed to do
We find the clues clues that lead us to the face
All the right hints in all the right places

I see the magazines, cut out some ransom notes
We got your finger prints
Be more original
If you got info info, best give it up
'Cause every inch of you is suspicious
From the bottom to the top

Yeah, your mama she told ya don't worry about the crime.
She says, "You're way too innocent, wouldn't even tell a lie"
You know you won't be no criminal or a bad kid at all
So just fess up now and we'll all get to move along

Because you know
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case, no trouble
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case, no trouble
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case, no trouble
Were gonna solve this case
Solve this case
Hey!

I'm bringing scooby back
Go ahead and tell them nasty villains that
No im not kidding, no time for your chit chat
I'm here to tell ya
Every single cop is coming, ranked from bottom to the top

Yeah your mama she told ya just go ahead play along
You know you wont be no criminal if you just play along
She says,Sooner or later everythingll be alright.
So if thats what you chose then go ahead and search tonight

Because you know I'm
All about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass

Because you know I'm
All about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass, no treble
I'm all about that bass
'Bout that bass
'Bout that bass, 'bout that bass
Hey, hey, ooh
You know you like this bass