A former "most love only lasts for a while"

The new barista is terribly smiley; mouth stretched across his face in what Baekhyun
thinks looks like a painful arc, teeth almost gleaming white under the fluorescent lights
of the caf. Hes tall too, with a head full of brown curls that makes his eyes look
crazier than they already are. Baekhyun is extremely unnerved.
Baekhyun had walked in the caf the same time he did every morning, 6:48am, fingers
busy tapping on his phone. He had walked up to the counter without looking up,
navigating the shop easily by the tiles on the floor, and asked for the usual. He looks
up only when he is greeted by silence instead of the usual greeting by Wu Fan call me
Kris.
Hi, I am new here! he is instantly greeted with when he looks up, and his vision
meets twin rows of white teeth. He blinks, trying to take it in.
Wheres Wu Kris, he hears himself ask.
Im taking over his morning shift from now on, the smiley barista replies, I am
Chanyeol!
Can I get a hazelnut latte, medium, lesser sugar, more syrup, soy milk with a shot of
espresso please, take away, Baekhyun rattles off. He gets the same thing every
morning because he treats the cup as the indication of the start of a new day, and it
helps to chase away the sleepiness that plagues his limbs and weighs down his eyelids.
Chanyeol returns with the latte, and Baekhyun hands him his card as he sips on the
beverage. Theres something different about the way it tastes, are you sure it is soy
milk, he squints at Chanyeol.
Skim milk? Chanyeol asks hopefully, ridiculous smile still plastered on his face.
Soy, Baekhyun replies, and his voice is a little on edge. Weird.
Ill make you a fresh cup, Chanyeol replies, and he is still smiling. Baekhyun is really
unnerved as hell because how does one person smile so much?
Its fine. Just get it right next time, he manages to reply, before turning to leave. He
looks at the time on his phone and 7:00am looks back at him. He had been in the caf
four minutes more than usual.

Baekhyun goes to the same caf every morning, and gets the exact same thing.
Sometimes, he wanders back there in the afternoon when he needs a place to finish an
assignment or tidy up his notes, or just somewhere to sit and enjoy another cup of
hazelnut latte. He might be a little addicted, but better be addicted to caffeine than
anything else he supposed.
It isnt that Baekhyun is exceptionally rich, so much that he can afford grossly
overpriced flavoured coffee every morning; it is that Baekhyun has skills that he
knows how to exploit. He has always had handwriting that was easy to read, a little too
square for his own taste but easy on the eye. Furthermore, years of falling asleep
during examinations and thus having to rush through his essays has honed his writing
speed.
So he does the most logical thing anyone with his talents would do. He copies notes
meticulously in lectures, neat rows of letters and words that are colour-coded and
labeled with the necessary headers and bullet points. There are also highlights to
indicate important content and arrows that connect information together.
He goes to the University slightly earlier every morning, reaching at exactly 7:30am,
giving him 30 minutes to photocopy these notes, and for him to sell them for profit. It
is an extremely profitable arrangement, and one that doesnt even really consume his
time at all. He even does commissions, mindmaps and tables for those who prefer
their information in non-linear form. It gives him opportunity to look at the material
properly, analyze it, and study while earning. Come to think of it, it is an amazing
arrangement.
Jongdae is already at the photocopier machine outside the still-closed library when he
arrives. He has his face buried into a book as usual, legs swinging as he reads. Jongdae
is Baekhyuns closest friend in his course, and the biggest bookworm Baekhyun has
had the pleasure of meeting. He is always reading, everything from the most trashy of
adult novels to the classics. Baekhyun remembers the month when Jongdae had been
trying to get through Virginia Woolfs entire collection. There had been a lot of
frowning and silent mumbling. It hadnt been a good week. Sometimes, Baekhyun
wonders why Jongdae hadnt just taken literature as his major instead of
economics/business.
He ignores Jongdae and inserts his photocopier card in the card slot, and heaves a sigh
of relief when he realizes he has enough credit. He hums quietly as he scans the pages
of his notes one by one.

The school should really invest in one of those new photocopiers, those that you can
just slot in a stack of paper for them to scan and photocopy instantly.
Jongdae makes a small sound of approval, and the only sound in the air is the
photocopier printing the notes, a loud noise.
Its rude to ignore someone when they are talking to you, Baekhyun grumbles.
Sorry, important scene. Besides, you didnt say hello when you came, Jongdae replies,
before turning the page of his book.
Jongdae has a point, but that doesnt stop Baekhyun from mumbling rude under his
breath.

He returns to the caf later that afternoon, as he has an essay due in the next seventytwo hours. Apparently he had lost track of time, or time had gone by faster, because he
swears the due date for this essay was supposed to be a week later. He sighs as he
dumps his belongings on to a table before going to the counter. He is surprised to see
the barista Chanyeol from the morning.
Wheres Kris? he asks when it is his turn to be served.
Chanyeol smiles at him, still insanely bright, and Baekhyun has an urge to raise a hand
to shield his eyes.
You smile a lot, and Baekhyun hadnt intended for that to be verbalized, he opens his
mouth to salvage the situation, but clamps it close again.
Manager is off in a meeting, so Im still here, Chanyeol replies, smiling is good.
Manager?
Yeah, he got promoted when the previous one left. Thats why I am here, they needed
a new staff.
Manager, Baekhyun repeats.

Uhm, what can I get you, Chanyeol says instead.

The same thing as before, and Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol stops smiling for once
to chew on his bottom lip.
I dont remember.
Baekhyun sighs, Medium hazelnut latte, lesser sugar more syr
syrup with soy milk. Am I right? and the smile is back on his face, possibly even
brighter than before. Baekhyun still doesnt get how someone smiles that much.
He settles into the seat with his coffee, and plugs in his earphones. When he glances up,
Chanyeol notices and waves to him slightly.
Baekhyun feels himself smile back.

The next morning, he is surprised to see Wu Fan at the counter again. He likes the
familiarity, of course, but he finds himself sort of already missing Chanyeol, misses the
view of a face that seems permanently happy. Wu Fans face is constantly in a scowl. It
isnt his fault, no one chooses to be born like that, but its still there.
Wheres the new kid, Baekhyun asks as he approaches the counter.
He has some presentation in his University today, needs to be there in the morning so
I am taking over for a while, Wu Fan replies, and you really shouldnt be calling him
kid. Hes your age I think, same university.
Same university? Weird, never seen him around, Baekhyun says to Wu Fans back, as
the latter prepares his morning cup without question.

It must be some form of cosmic intervention or coincidence, because later on in school,

Baekhyun literally bumps into Chanyeol, and his stack of neat, organized notes goes

flying in the air before falling down in a poor imitation of snow. He sits on the floor,
gaping uselessly at his notes.
Chanyeol is a flurry of action as he hastily gathers his notes for him, but Baekhyun
cant help but wince when Chanyeol grabs the edge of a piece of paper too tight and
dents it.
Its okay, I can pick them up myself, he says, one hand circling Chanyeols forearm to
stop him.
Its my fault, Ill you are the customer from the caf!
Baekhyun, my name is Baekhyun, Baekhyun tells him, even as he tugs the stack of
paper in Chanyeols hands away from him. They pick up the reminding notes in silence,
and Chanyeol smiles a little when he passes his own stack to Baekhyun and Baekhyun
cant bring himself to chide Chanyeol for crumbling almost every piece he had picked
up. Instead, he thanks him with a smile of his own, and is surprised to see Chanyeols
eyes widen.
I guess Ill see you around, Baekhyun says as a form of good bye, and Chanyeol nods
at him before turning to leave.

What a perplexing character, Baekhyun thinks to himself, as he settles on to a nearby

bench to sort out his notes. He will probably need to recopy a few of these pieces,
especially the ones that are crumbled at the edge due to Chanyeol.

Baekhyun has lunch with Chanyeol at school three days later. He isnt sure why they
ended up eating together, but apparently, Chanyeol and Jongdae belonged to the same
book club and somehow they had ended up talking about him and Jongdae had
conveniently invited Chanyeol to lunch with them.
He sits around listlessly, pushing at the food on his plate while they talk about the
merits of rhymes in poetry. Lunchtime is supposed to be the time where Jongdae and
he discuss about economic theories, or anything else, and not times where he eats
quietly as he listens to a conversation he is not involved in.
Chanyeol majors in literature, isnt that so cool, Jongdae practically sighs the last two
words out, wistful. Baekhyun thinks Jongdae should really have taken up literature.

Chanyeol flails his (too long) arms uselessly and denies being cool, and all Baekhyun
registers is how much like an octopus he looks, all flaily limbs.
You look like an octopus, he blurts out, and he hears Jongdae groan beside him even
as Chanyeol laughs nervously at his comment.
Dont mind him. I dont think he processes half the things he says, Jongdae says, as he
clams a hand around Baekhyuns mouth.
Baekhyun pushes him away and scowls at him, says the person who once told a crush
that her ass was nice. With a song.
I was 14, youre just being unfair and picking at the past, Jongdaes face is painted a
bright red.
No its okay, really, Chanyeol piques up and there is a smile playing on his face, I get
that sometimes. Too tall, too long, octopus.
Theres something in Chanyeols eyes that doesnt quite match the way his mouth is
arched so high. Baekhyun doesnt know what it is, but it looks like the polar opposite of
happiness.
Before he can stop himself, and Baekhyun thinks he really should, because whatever is
going to trip out of his mouth now sounds entirely ridiculous
You have really nice eyes, like an elf. Theyre really pretty.
Said eyes are looking at him, wide. Chanyeols mouth is opened, as if he wants to say
something, a shaky thank you perhaps? But before he can do anything, Jongdae
is laughing, hand in a fist banging against the table. Baekhyun doesnt think
its that funny.
Whos the one who doesnt process what they say now?
Baekhyun hits him on his head.

Things between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, thankfully, do not become awkward after
that encounter. In fact, it seemed to have only brought them closer, or at least, allowed

them to become friends. They start to do their assignments together at the caf during
the evenings when Chanyeol does not have a shift. They always sit at the same spot, a
small table tucked in a corner of the caf thats isolated enough while still accessible.
They chat sometimes; work forgotten on the table, about everything and absolutely
nothing. Chanyeol is easy to talk to, albeit a little too eager sometimes; and he gives
Baekhyun opportunities to just talk and complain about things.
The table they use to study at is decidedly small, but so is every table at the caf.
Chanyeol really does have legs that go on forever, and Baekhyun gets used to the way
Chanyeols feet always bump into his under the table, tip of his shoe brushing against
Baekhyuns shin when he shifts. There are times when Baekhyun has an insane urge to
reach out with his own legs and tangle them with Chanyeols under the table, but it
sounds really weird even in his own head so he doesnt go forward with that urge.
Chanyeol also has a really bad (cute) habit of doodling on his notes. He scribbles song
lyrics at every spare inch of blank paper he sees, or little heart shapes that are lopsided
and look more like distorted Bs than actual shapes. Once, he had drawn a smiley face
on the top of Baekhyuns notes, and Baekhyun had glared at him until he erased it
away, crumbling the piece of paper with his overzealous erasing.
It is also completely unfair that Chanyeol gets free drinks just because he is a staff.
Chanyeol has afternoon classes, so when he arrives, Baekhyun is usually already
hunched over his too-thick files, squinting as he reads something he doesnt quite
understand. Chanyeol puts his bag down on the seat opposite Baekhyun, smiles at him
as a form of hello, and casually waltzes behind the counter and prepares his own coffee
as Zitao, the guy responsible for the evening shift, attends to customers.
Its terribly rude of you to flaunt your large free coffee in front of me, Baekhyun
starts when Chanyeol is taking his seat, why dont you make me one?
Company policy, Chanyeol replies easily, mock toasting the cup towards Baekhyuns
general direction. After weeks of knowing each other, Chanyeol has started to open up
to Baekhyun, and his not-as-nice and snarky as fuck side has started to show itself.
Hes still smiley, but Baekhyun is able to tell the difference between his smiles now,
know if it is genuine happiness or stark sarcasm. At the moment, the smile that graces
Chanyeols face is one of faint mockery tinted with teasing. Baekhyun frowns at him for
a split second before returning to squinting at his notes. Maybe if he read between the
lines enough the information would pop out in front of him. Probably not, but he guess
it couldnt hurt to try.
are you angry? Chanyeol asks, tentative, and it is moments like this that Baekhyun
wants to reach out both hands and cuddle Chanyeol close to him, because Chanyeol is

too open to people sometimes, lets them affect him too much and too easily. Baekhyun
doesnt know how he does it, he is sure he wouldnt be able to handle a life where mere
words can make him feel like he is at the bottom of the world.
I would think that your ability to derive meaning from seemingly nothing would let
you know that I am not angry at you, Baekhyun sighs.
What.
You know the whole literature thing.
Chanyeol gasps out loud in shock and Baekhyun has to try his hardest to hold back
laughter because he didnt know people actually gasp out loud. It had always seemed
like one of those actions that worked on paper and not in real life for him. Apparently
he was wrong.
Literature is not nothing, Chanyeol says, It contains so much, Baekhyun.
And they fall into an easy banter as usual, and Baekhyun feels something sigh in relief
in him.

Baekhyun is not someone who believes in love. Or more specifically, Baekhyun guesses
he believes in love, but he doesnt believe in forever after. He is sure that this notion
called love is something temporary, something that people hold on to for a while,
sometimes for a long while, but will end up letting go at the end.
Have you ever wondered if you not believing love will last is why all your
relationships end? someone had asked him once, when he had very politely requested
for a break up.
It had taken him by surprise, the question, and he was unable to form an answer even
as he watched the retreating figure of his ex-girlfriend.

It is a little disconcerting to look up expecting to see Chanyeol in one of his many

printed tees, or even one of those ugly plaid shirts, but instead Baekhyun is greeted by
the sight of Chanyeol in a suit, tie loose around his neck.
Uhm, Baekhyun manages to say or at least sound out. He is aware that he is staring,
but theres dryness in his mouth that he doesnt quite understand.
I had an interview, Chanyeol explains, even as his hand plays at the neck of his tie,
tugging it down further. Baekhyun feels himself swallow, these suits are really
uncomfortable, I dont know how people wear them daily.
Baekhyun doesnt trust himself to speak, so he nods instead.
Im going to go change into something more casual. I think I have something stored in
the backroom, and Chanyeol turns to leave, but Baekhyun hears himself call
Chanyeols name and he cringes a little because what is going to come out of his mouth
is going to be stupid and inappropriate and he has always had an issue with this
Your hair looks sexy pushed back, and he wants to crawl into hole. Baekhyun hears
Zitao snort all the way from the counter and Chanyeol laughs nervously at him.
Are you aware you just quoted Mean Girls, Chanyeol replies instead, his voice light
and teasing. Baekhyun bangs his head against the table in front of him, I am going to
go change for real, unless you want to tell me that my shirt would look nice pushed
back too.
Fuck off, Baekhyun manages to groan out, and Chanyeol ruffles his hair goodnaturedly before heading for the backroom.
Something continues to churn in Baekhyuns stomach, and he has to clamp down the
desire to follow Chanyeol to the backroom and shove him against the wall.

What is love? Baekhyun blurts out over lunch with Jongdae, a lunch where Chanyeol
isnt around because he has a lesson.
Jongdae blinks at him blankly, before gesturing to himself, was that an actual question
or a rhetorical one?

An actual one I guess, Baekhyun sighs. He knows what love. Love is a reaction of
chemicals, it is purely biologicial in nature. Love makes your palms sweat and your
heart work in overdrive because your body chemicals are going fucking nuts. Yet it
doesnt explain the way he wants to make Chanyeol happy, wants to see Chanyeols
smile be one directed at him, filled to the brim with an intense happiness. It doesnt
explain why he wants to hug Chanyeol, bury his head into the crook of his neck and
just inhale his scent.
Or maybe it does. Maybe the chemical reaction fucks with your head and you start to
want the impossible.
Jongdae is digging through his bag when Baekhyun brings his focus back to reality, and
he watches as Jongdae flips open a thin book, looking for a particular page.
How is this supposed to hel Love is a big game hunter and you are the game.
Baekhyun frowns at Jongdae, who doesnt seem to take notice, Love makes the world
go round. Love is blind. All you need is love.
Jongdae, and Jongdae looks up from the book to look at him, eyes foggy.
Isnt that so pretty? I love her writing so much, Baekhyun. It gives me feels, Jongdae
is clutching the book to his chest now.
Youre really no help at all; I wonder why I asked you.
I am sorry you cant understand the wisdom of Jeanette Winterson, Jongdae replies,
and Baekhyun suddenly feels like he is the one at fault, even though it had been
Jongdae that had totally ignored his question and instead quoted something from some
stupid book.

What is love? Baekhyun asks Wu Fan as the latter prepares his coffee. Wu Fan pauses
to turn and look at him, eyebrows raised. They look comical.
Are you in love, Baekhyun? Wu Fan asks, back once again facing Baekhyun.
Yes. No. Maybe. I guess so, and Baekhyuns heart is beating too hard for it to be
normal, and it is like he has achieved an epiphany because yes he just might, might be a

little in love with Chanyeol, might just be a little addicted to trying to figure out what
his smiles means and might just be a little enthralled by Chanyeol in general.
I dont believe in love, Wu Kris, Baekhyun says, and he knows he should believe
this, used to believe in it strongly, but his words now sound hollow and empty, and
incredibly plastic.
Wu Fan places his coffee in front of him and theres a look on his face that Baekhyun
has never seen. He looks soft, almost apologetic.
Are you in love with Chanyeol? Wu Fan asks, voice barely above a whisper, and
Baekhyuns eyes widen at that question. It is hard to deny it when it is verbalized, laid
out in front of him in tangible words and letters.
I he starts but is cut off by the ringing of bells indicating that someone had entered
the shop. He turns to see Zitao walking in.
What are you guys talking about, he asks casually as he slips on his apron.
Love, Wu Fan supplies, and Baekhyun cant help but feel colour rise to his cheeks.
Love. Isnt love just what feels right?

Baekhyun picks up the courage to ask Chanyeol out for a date; or more like he invites
Chanyeol out to watch this new action movie with him because he couldnt find anyone
else. Chanyeol accepts the invitation readily, especially since he has wanted to watch
The Avengers for a while.
The Thor-Loki dynamics were amazing, Chanyeol repeats for the nth time as they
have dinner at a fast food joint nearby. His burger is held suspended in midair by his
fingers, and his eyes are wide as he says those words with his mouth full.
Youve said that multiple times.
I know, but theres so much love and pain and its just so amazing.
Baekhyun feels something in his chest jump at the word love, and he decides that this
is ridiculous because he isnt in love with Chanyeol, or at least, he doesnt want to
admit it. He is in love with the idea of being in love with Chanyeol, because Chanyeol is
fun and easy to talk to, and he makes Baekhyuns heart seize and his mouth go dry

sometimes and Chanyeol is a bundle of sunshine and rain that Baekhyun wants to
tangle his fingers into and never let go.
But it doesnt matter because this wont last, because Baekhyun knows that one day he
could grow sick of the way all of Chanyeols smiles mean different things and the way
Chanyeol is too tall and too long everywhere. One day he might start to resent the way
Chanyeol ruffles his hair or the way Chanyeol likes to drink his coffee with full-cream
milk and
It hits him like a freight train, a sudden realization that comes to him in the middle of a
fast food joint that is filled with the smell of stale oil and burnt meat, that maybe it isnt
that he doesnt believe in love, maybe it is that he doesnt trust himself to
love forever because he has always been a little wishy-washy and indecisive, and
maybe what his ex-girlfriend had said was right, that because he doesnt believe it will
last, it doesnt last, and maybe instead of being just intense attraction, love is the slow
cultivation of feelings that has to be nurtured and grown and Baekhyun has just been
wrong about everything all along.
Chanyeol jumps back a little when he slams his fist hard on to the table, but Baekhyun
is on a roll and he leans close to Chanyeol, as close as the table in between them allows
and says out loud for both of them to hear.
I love you, Chanyeol leans back against his seat and his face is starting to tint with
bright pink. He opens his mouth to say something but Baekhyun had already stood up
and bolted out of the place.

So you confessed to him and then ran out of the place? Wu Fan says, and Baekhyun
cant help but wince because it sounds exceptionally bad coming out of someone elses
mouth. He nods grimly before burying his head in his hands again.
I dont think Ive ever felt this stupid in my life, Baekhyun groans, and Wu Fan pats
him lightly on the shoulder.
Its okay. He probably wont come and study with you for a while, so you can use this
time to hi Chanyeol.
Baekhyun snaps his head up and theres Chanyeol right in front of him, dressed in one
of his many tees, this particular one being one that Baekhyun really liked.
Hi, he manages to force out of his throat, and his voice is pitched entirely too high.

Can we talk? Somewhere quiet?

You can use the backroom if you want! You can lock the door and everything, Wu Fan
offers, and Baekhyun feels him heart plummet. Great. A locked room with a guy he
confessed to and then ran away from.
He follows Chanyeol wordlessly into the room, and stands around awkwardly as the
latter locks the door behind him. He opens his mouth to say something, to apologize
firstly, but suddenly there is pressure on his back and his mouth.
Chanyeol is kissing him. Chanyeol has shoved him into a wall and assaulted him with
his mouth, mouth that is currently warm and moving against his own. There are firm
hands holding his shoulders, almost a little too tight, but Baekhyuns concentration is
centered on the way Chanyeol is tugging on his bottom lip. He opens his mouth a little
to accommodate Chanyeol, and Chanyeols tongue is his mouth, tracing the ridges of
his teeth and Baekhyun reaches out to grab at Chanyeols waist so he can lean a little
higher.

Oh my god I cant believe I just did that, Chanyeol says when they part, and the tips of
his ears are bright red. His eyes are wide as he catches his breath, and Baekhyun feels
literal butterflies in his stomach.
I like you. That was what I was trying to convey. I dont know about love. Love just
seems to hold so much more meaning and weight behind it. But I like you. A lot. And I
would like to go out on multiple dates with you, where we just hang out and maybe
make out a little and
Okay, Baekhyun says and theres a smile (one that is filled with happiness) twitching
at the corner of Chanyeols mouth.
Okay what, he asks tentatively.
Okay I will go on multiple dates with you and hang out and maybe make out a little.
Chanyeol kisses him again.

Baekhyun cannot guarantee they will last. They might break up in weeks, months or
even years. But when Chanyeol smiles at him, that one smile that Baekhyun now
recognizes as his smile, Baekhyun is willing to try his hardest to keep this going.
Hopefully forever.