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Running Head: THE NEGATIVE EFEECTS OF DIVORCE

The Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Zaphora Clark-Garcia
The University of Memphis

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Running Head: THE NEGATIVE EFEECTS OF DIVORCE

Divorce is a difficult time for both partners involved. It is a time where a very difficult
choice is made about the person they loved. When children are added to the equation, it becomes
even more complicated. Parents have to decide whether or not a divorce is good for everyone
involved. The children will be affected more than anyone. Their family will be split apart and the
two parent support system is divided (Wallerstein, Lewis, Blakeslee, 2000.)
The children who have to deal with the divorced of their parents are affected id different
ways. The results vary from child to child. Some affects can be very positive if the children are
still getting the love and support they need as children. However, unfortunately that is not
usually the case. He negative effects tend to outweigh the positive ones. Many children that
suffer a divorce tend to have low self-esteem, the loss of their childhood, a fear to love, and
become distant from their parents.
Sometimes when the parents are going through a divorce the children can feel as if they
were the reason for the divorce. They begin to question themselves and this can cause selfesteem issues. The younger children cannot seem to grasp what is happening or why and tend to
feel abandoned or alone. This has to do with the fact that usually one parent gets more custody
than the other. However, the main parent, usually the mother, is overworked trying to support
the new divided family with half the income of before (Wallerstein et al., 2000). This means that
the children are mostly distant from their fathers. Also, some parents try to reconstruct their
social lives to get through this trying time. However, their social lives and their busy work
schedules tend to give them less and less time with their children. Their social lives can also
include new husband and wives along with new children.

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Running Head: THE NEGATIVE EFEECTS OF DIVORCE

With all these new changes it is no wonder that children grow up so much faster. Some
may say that it is a good thing. They may say that it helps children to learn to adapt much easier
than other children (Hetherington and Kelly, 2002). However, the truth is that children lose their
childhood in the process of growing up. According to Wallerstein et al., 2000, adolescence
begins early in divorced homes and, compared with that of youngsters raised in intact families, is
more likely to include more early sexual experiences for girls and drug use for girls and boys.
(p. 155).
This happens because the parents are usually overly preoccupied with working and their
social lives they do not have enough time to care properly for their children or see to their needs
like before. Unfortunately this means that children tend to lose their childhood. They have to
grow up and learn to take care of themselves (Wallerstein et al., 2000.) Usually they are the ones
who are stuck in the middle of what is happening between the parents and feel the need to be
mediators. They learn what to say and what not to do so that their parents are at ease
(Wallerstein et al., 2000.) The sense of being grown up can make them feel privileged to
associate themselves with things that may seem grown up to them like sex, drinking, and drugs.
According to Wallerstein et al., 2000, Without noticing we have created a new class of
young children who take care of themselves, along with a whole generation of overburdened
parents who have no time to enjoy the pleasures of parenting. (p. 153) Not only do children
have to grow up so quickly in situations of divorce, but they also have parents who do have time
to reap the benefits of watching their child grow up. They are so overworked trying to support a
family on a low income they do not have enough time to enjoy their children. They are there
during some of the most monumental moments of a childs life. The sad thing is that after a
while the children become used to it, as if it were something normal.

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Running Head: THE NEGATIVE EFEECTS OF DIVORCE

When going through these emotional crises the children become distant from their
parents. Sometimes there is even a feeling of hatred toward their parents. They blame them for
everything that has happened to them since the divorce. They feel the need to lash out. The
distance between parent and child can last for long periods of time, even into adulthood. They
are not receiving the attention needed as children so as they get older they no longer feel the need
to be attentive to their parents (Wallerstein et al., 2000.) It is very unfortunate because instead
of becoming closer with age like most whole families do, they become more and more separated.
There are few cases where the opposite happens and the children feel the need to comfort the
parents. They become their shoulder to cry on and their support system. However, this is just as
bad because then they have a fear of leaving the parent (Wallerstein et al., 2000.)
When they are grown instead of leaving home they tend to stay longer because they are
afraid of what might happen if they leave that parent alone. This also has to do with their fear of
being loved or letting someone love them. Many times as children from divorced families grow
up they have a fear of love. They saw how easy their parents gave up the love they shared. It
may not necessarily be the case, but it is how they tend to see it. They are afraid they will fail at
it like their parent did.
They have not had the example to show them how love works. They did not have the
chance to see that there is compromise and a need to work together in order for it to work.
Instead they had an example of running away or breaking up because things got hard. Now there
is usually a good reason for divorce, but in a childs mind they just see they two people they love
the most and who they thought loved each other turn against one another. Therefore, when love
becomes a struggle in their life they have a tendency to follow what they have seen. They run
away.

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Running Head: THE NEGATIVE EFEECTS OF DIVORCE

This is very unfortunate because if they run away when love gets hard then they are just
repeating what their parents did to them. This creates a never ending cycle. We live in a world
now where divorce is becoming a very common way to end marriage. When things get hard
instead of trying to stick it out and work together many are quick to look to divorce to solve their
problems. The issue however, is that the example being set for the future generations is not a
good one. The children of today will follow the footsteps of what they have been taught. Like
Wallerstein et al., 2000, said, Silently and unconsciously we have created a culture of divorce.
(p. 153) Society today has said that divorce is the way to go and its okay. Divorce has become a
normal way of life.
When the parents make the decision to get a divorce, they tend to think it is the best
decision. However, the best decision for whom? The parents made need a break from one
another, but children need both of their parents. If there is a need for divorce there is also a great
need to make sure that the parents work together so that their children get the best out of life.
They need a secure support system just like any other child. They need to feel a sense of security
and loving environment. If the parents do not want to be together then that is fine, but they
should make sure to get along in front of their children. They need to compromise outside of
marriage to provide the best for their children.
There is always a time when divorce is absolutely necessary, especially when violence is
involved. However, if it just the easy way out then it is not worth it. The children involved in
divorce are always the most important factor and they need both parents. They deserve their
childhood, and sense of innocence. They children of today are the future of tomorrow. As
parents it is up to us to show them the way. It is up to us to give them their best chance.

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Running Head: THE NEGATIVE EFEECTS OF DIVORCE

Works cited.
Wallerstein, Judith., Lewis , Julia., Blakeslee, Sandra. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25Year Study. Hyperion 2000.
Hetherington, E. Mavis., Kelly, John. For Better or worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W, W
Norton 2002.