It feels strange to write a final reflection when Ive just begun working with Revolution United.

Thats a good thing. Taking the course Civically Engaged Leader aligned me with what could become a
lifetime service partner. Theres nothing finite about this paper - or my commitment to community
engagement.
It would be logical - cliche - to describe my experience with events ordered chronologically. Im
going to do the opposite to emphasise just how unfinal this entire thing is. It will make sense by the end.
Bear with me.
At one of our recent core team meetings David asked us to share 1) what we were working on,
and 2) something positive that had happened to us the past week as it related to Revolution United. Zoe
was sitting next to me. She went first.
Im currently working on organizing our volunteer tracking system and just trying to streamline
it. And something positive Emmylou and I had a lot of fun at the Utah Hunger banquet yesterday!
I withered a little. David complimented her while my mind spun for content:
Im working on our website and a lot of stuff for Evk. Ive been really busy um Ive had
fun designing for Evk and a little with the website yeah.
I bluffed the whole positive experience thing. I hated the pressure I felt to get the website done.
I was bogged down with homework, trainings, the urgency of Evks design, and a severe case of being
totally burnt out. The website was intimidating, to say the least. I shoved it under the rug while the
obligation to work on it gnawed me daily.
I remember driving home one night after a core team meeting - a prior one. I was crying because I
couldnt believe so many good things could come together at once. The night after this later core meeting
I recalled that drive home with an upset of guilt. What I thought was a dream come true had turned into
something that was drawing lines on my forehead.
Dont turn your passion into a living. My dad told me that when I asked him his opinion on
becoming a ski patroller. Itll become a chore, he had said. I rubbed my temples as I considered
whether I was making that misguided, misgiven choice. After all, I dreamed of making a career out of art
and community service. Was this the sick truth behind the materialization of a dream?
The first time I met with Revolution United, David appointed me Creative Director. I used the
word serendipitous to describe what Revolution United was to me. That evening I had tossed aside my
pan because I had struck a real vein of gold. When people asked me what type of service I wanted to
engage in I didnt have an answer because I wasnt sure how to stomach my true response of all. What
a daunting commitment to be set into motion by verbalizing it. But Revolution United made it possible to
say all. I saw a chance to touch the entire world rather than a faucet.

When I later wondered what I had gotten into I remembered those feelings of completeness and
purpose. I still felt that Revolution United was absolutely the right place to be. My constitution wasnt in
question. I doubted my capability.
Evk was easy. David had asked my why I seemed more stoked to work on our startup clothing
line than my Revolution United project. I hated that my attitude was showing through. I hated that core
meetings made me miserable. Everyone had tasks - only I had hundreds of hours to spend writing an
enormous website that needed to be published as soon as possible. We were avoiding certain
opportunities because our website wasnt up. It was my fault. And I had the nerve to avoid working on it!
Itd be great if I had a turnaround story where my life suddenly cleared up and I was able to push
out a good deal of the website. Instead I learned a good deal about prioritization as well as an even greater
deal about the nature of dream-come-trues and its sister leader role.
The takeaway is that effecting great impact hurts my brain. I want to spread my social cause
ripple as far as possible, dont get me wrong. But the idea of our local, small, contained clothing company
is so much easier to live with. Forging massive social change is noble, but maybe it isnt for me right
now.
Maybe being a leader begins by being able to lead your own life. So thats what I did. Designing
such an extensive website would probably earn me over $10k. But Im a volunteer, a college student, and
an artist. Im not about to sell my soul to a monster website without a little compensation: I enrolled
myself as an intern. This website will earn me college credit. Ill take all the time I need. I wont
compromise the design, functionality, professionalism, or my health for the sake of putting it online a
couple months earlier.
Amidst this whole what if Ive been utterly wrong all along crisis I realized that being the
creative director actually makes me the face of Revolution United through my art. My website, the shirts I
design, and the branding will all carry me into realms of the world that I couldnt reach otherwise. Its
like stamping myself into the organization with a sort of permanence that most people won't ever
accomplish.
Thats an interesting thought to digest and accept. It is a heavy obligation. But its also a unique
and subtle form of leadership. Im creating change through ideas expressed in shape and form and
subconscious emotional triggers. This is an abstract form of leadership I get along with it really well.
How many people get to lead through art?
I dont feel like Ive become a leader (yet) in the generic sense. But my time thus far with
Revolution United as shoved me into leading my own life. Ive come to define change as something that
must be mutualistic to have any meaningful significance. Im standing up against a background injustice -

that is, becoming a slave to a cause. And Im feeling out personalized means of casting my influence into
the crowd.
This experience hasnt been spotless. Yet if David asked me to describe the positive experience as
they related to Revolution United Id tell him to make himself comfortable.