ROMANCE IS UNDEAD

Written by
Jordan Krueger

INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT

CHUCK SAXET, 22, dressed in a tattered grey cardigan, a dark
v-neck and jeans, lies on the tiled floor. His eyes open to
reveal a milky white color, it matches his now putrid looking
skin.
Chuck groans and sits upright, he looks at his blood covered
hands.
CHUCK
What? No? What is going on -PHIL, 30, a heavy set man who appears to be dead walks out
from one of the aisles, wearing saggy jeans and an equally
baggy brown sweater.
PHIL
Talk about night of the living
dead, bub.

Phil laughs and approaches Chuck, he looks down at him.

PHIL
I heard that groan all the way over
in produce. I heard them dragging
you in off the street last night
and figured Id let you turn in
peace.
Chuck stares up blankly at Phil, whom covers his face and
sighs.
PHIL (CONTD)
Another late bloomer, huh? Well, my
tiny hipster friend...
Phil puts a hand on Chucks shoulder who draws back and shakes
visibly.
PHIL (CONTD)
Welcome to the zombie apocalypse,
you and I are now the zombie part
of that uh... Equation.
SHOTS fire outside, both turn to listen.
PHIL (CONTD)
And thats the apocalypse half of
it, man. The humans. What a bunch
of bastards, really.
(MORE)

2.
PHIL (CONTD)
Weve been eating what we need and
keeping to ourselves, but these GI
Joe looking fellas? Well, they
enjoy hunting us.
Chucks eyes go wide and he jumps to his feet, Phil steps
back and stares at him intently.
CHUCK
My girlfriend... Alaska, shes out
there. This is still Boston right?
Phil looks around mockingly and chuckles.
PHIL
Last time I checked, uh, yeah?
CHUCK
I need to get to her. We were
together when this happened... My
friend Tomo, we thought he just had
food poisoning or something and
he... He bit us both?
Phil sighs heavily and looks around but then back to Chuck.
PHIL
The bite passes the...
Zombification.... Thing... And then
it causes the fever, which kills
you, then you take some time for
beauty sleep and then...
Phil motions to Chuck as if presenting a prize on a game
show.
PHIL (CONTD)
A braaaaaand new zombie.
Chuck moves towards Phil, but he doubles over and groans
loudly.
PHIL (CONTD)
You need to eat. Now. Youre
running low and we arent going to
find your dearly beloved without
you running on a full tank.
Phil grabs Chuck by the shoulder and pulls him along through
the dimly lit grocery store. Lights flicker on and off above
as the two reach the produce aisle.

3.
CHUCK
Isnt most of this stuff um... Bad
now?
Chuck looks over the putrid looking vegetables and fruit.
Phil sighs and chuckles immediately.
PHIL
Yeah, buddy... You arent going to
have worry about expiration dates
with what were about to eat.
Phil steps to the side and reveals what is left of a small
man on the ground. The man has no recognizable features, but
Phil leans down and yanks his right arm off.
PHIL (CONTD)
There you go, fella, I saved you an
arm.
Chuck backs up and gags immediately, but then he moves
forward quickly and grabs it.
PHIL (CONTD)
That was your last bit of human
tier gag reflex, trust me... Youll
be lining up for the people buffet
in no time. Its kind of an
acquired taste... Like beer... But
they dont overcharge you for
people.
Chuck bites into the arm and begins to chew and swallow as
fast as possible as he consumes the meat in a vicious manner.
PHIL (CONTD)
I would offer you a wet nap or
something, but uh...
Phil surveys his bloody sweater and pants
PHIL (CONTD)
Im fresh out, boss.
Chuck looks up at him, blood coating the lower half of his
face.
CHUCK
Its okay, I used to get buffalo
wings with Tomo and Alaska every
Friday.
Phil laughs hard and grabs his stomach as he continues to
belt out loud chuckles.

4.
CHUCK (CONTD)
Its just so weird... One second I
was about to ralph and the second
it was like you put a medium rare
steak in front of me and I just...
PHIL
Couldnt control yourself.
Chuck looks up at Phil again. Phil puts a hand on his
shoulder.
PHIL (CONTD)
You will learn to, buddy. A lot of
us have trouble controlling it at
first and honestly, some people
refuse to and they let themselves
become animals... But we dont have
to. I only eat whats already dead
or when I have to fight off some of
the crazy humans and defend myself,
never killed anyone who didnt try
to kill me or someone else first.
Chuck lets out a relieved sounding sigh.
PHIL (CONTD)
We call those who dont keep their
human personas and level of control
ferals... You know, like the cats
who arent exactly house trained.
But the humans that have invaded
are still worse than them... Even
more feral than the ferals.
The two share a moment of silence. Chuck begins to clean off
his face with the sleeves of his cardigan.
PHIL (CONTD)
I lost my brother to those crazy
bastards. We were looking for
shelter in the shopping mall a few
blocks away.. Wed fed on some guy
who killed himself and they just
came out of no where and started
shooting.
CHUCK
They arent going to stop us. We
can control this and we can make
the best out of whatever... This
whole thing is. I guess we broke
the ice over sharing a few people
arms but...

5.
Chuck holds out his hand, still blood covered.
CHUCK (CONTD)
Im Chuck Saxet and together were
going to find whoever we can and
get the hell out of dodge.
Phil grabs Chucks hand quickly and shakes it.
PHIL
Im Phil, the last name doesnt
matter anymore really, and...
He gives a thumbs up after letting go of Chucks hand.
PHIL (CONTD)
Hell, yeah. You need a third wheel
to keep this from going Twilight
anyways.
EXT. STREETS OF BOSTON - NIGHT
Chuck and Phil shamble down the street as quickly as their
undead limbs can take them.
PHIL
And so thats when I told the guy,
you dont have to shoot me in the
head, just tell me where the morgue
is.
The two begin to laugh but are cut off by a sharp ringing
sound, they look up and see its coming from an intercom
system rigged to the street lamps.
MORRISON (V.O.)
This is General Lance Morrison, the
person who is leading the siege of
this once fine city.
Chuck and Phil shrug at each other but continue to listen
intently.
MORRISON (V.O.)
We have contained several of the
diseased and have them contained at
the university. We have more than
enough of these monsters to
research and we no longer have use
for the rest of them.
The two undead stop in their tracks and stare up at one of
the speakers on a flickering lamp post.

6.
MORRISON (V.O.)
Anyone on the streets of Boston, as
of right now, alive or undead...
Will be met with lethal force. We
cannot risk the spread of this
filth and it is time to cleanse
Boston once and for all. This is a
direct or -Morrisons speech is interrupted by a loud THUD and SHAKING
SOUND from the microphone.
ALASKA (V.O.)
We are not monsters! We can speak,
think, reason and we do not deserve
this. My name is Alaska Reed and I
am a person -A the mic is heard being shaken back again and raspy
breathing is heard over it.
MORRISON (V.O.)
Disregard that interruption, these
fiends will do anything to trick
you... They will do anything to
lure you into a false sense of
security but in the end all they
will do is murder and consume every
last human on Earth. The purge of
Boston begins now... Morrison out.
Chuck begins running down the street as fast as his shambling
will allow him.
PHIL
Chuck! Wait!
Phil takes off after Chuck as quickly as he can. He heaves
loudly.
PHIL (CONTD)
Ive watched enough damn movies and
TV to know this is a trap, they
just want to lure in any of the
other shamblers and take them out.
Chuck looks back over his shoulder as he keeps going, not
slowing down.
CHUCK
You think I dont know that? Hes
doing it in a way that covers up
that we are intelligent and hes
set up the last stand of the city..
(MORE)

7.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
But he has Alaska! Im going with
or without you, Phil.
The two run in silence, Chuck turns and looks at the street
sign ahead that reads UNIVERSITY STREET and then looks back
behind him to a struggling Phil.
CHUCK (CONTD)
I appreciate what you did for me,
you helped me get used to all of...
All of this... But you dont have
to die... Well.. Again to help me.
PHIL
You think I dont know that? I lost
my brother already and Im not
going to lose my new zombie bro to
this whackjob. Plus, Im secretly a
sap and I want to see you and
Alaska together, I think the whole
uh... Undead community could use
good news.
Chuck laughs as he struggles to catch is breath.
CHUCK
I guess I have an opening for a
zombie brother, so that works for
me. Lets get Alaska back, dine on
Morrison ala carte and get the hell
out of Boston.
EXT. BOSTON UNIVERISTY - COURTYARD - NIGHT
Ranks of SOLDIERS in blood soaked battle gear occupy the
courtyard. Some FIRE their rifles wildly at the SWARM OF
ZOMBIES that lurch towards them.
ZOMBIE SPEAKER, 25, average height and in a suit in tie,
steps forward out of the swarm.
ZOMBIE SPEAKER
You have my uncle in there, you
sons of bitches! We arent here to
eat you, were here to get our
families back... But after this,
you can bet that itll be a family
dinner after -A SHOT rings out and the zombie speaker falls to the ground
dead. The zombie swarm looks up to the roof of the main
university building...

8.
LANCE MORRISON, 60, still in his uniform, grey hair still
combed and his blue eyes narrow into an intense glare down at
the swarm, his rifle is still smoking.
MORRISON
You are monsters, make no mistake,
and monsters...
He fires off shots into the crowd of zombies.
MORRISON (CONTD)
Do not have families, they merely
have fellow monsters who murder and
spread their disease.
The battle erupts into a fury as the zombies inch closer and
closer to the soldiers.
EXT. BOSTON UNIVERISTY - BACKLOT - NIGHT
Chuck and Phil approach the school from behind.
CHUCK
Did you hear that? Hes up on the
roof. If we keep heading towards
the back there is a ladder that can
get us up there... Tomo used it to
set up the fireworks for the New
Years prank and...
They share a glance.
CHUCK (CONTD)
We can get up there behind him and
take him out. From the sound of it
those boys he has on the ground are
dropping like flies, he is insane
if he thinks this plan of his will
work.
PHIL
I think weve established that this
guy is general of the batshit
insane army already, he lost it
before the dead started walking
around.
They begin to shamble out of the treeline and down the hill.
SHOTS and GROANS fill the air.

9.
EXT. UNIVERISTY - BUILDING - ROOFTOP - NIGHT
Morrison fires more SHOTS as he paces back and forth. The
rifle CLICKS empty and he throws it to the ground. He turns
to look at struggling and bound by rope ALASKA REED, 23, clad
in a green jacket, black jeans and boots. With her dark hair
is a mess and her green eyes are fixed in a permanent glare
at her captor.
MORRISON
Do you know why you are up here and
the rest of your kind are in the
library caged?
She spits blood at him and he produces a hankerchief from his
breast pocket and quickly wipes it away. He leans down and
looks at her closely.
MORRISON (CONTD)
Because you spoke... You spoke on
the intercom system and they heard
you. We wouldnt have so many of
your little friends to slaughter if
it hadnt been for your lovely
little speech, Miss Reed.
He chuckles, coughs, and smiles at her as he pulls out a
cigar and lights it. Putting the cigar in his mouth, he puffs
on it and drags her to the edge of the roof.
MORRISON (CONTD)
Do you see that? All of that death,
all of those shambling wretches on
the ground bleeding out.
He looks back to her and puffs smoke in her face.
MORRISON (CONTD)
Everybody loves a martyr.
Morrison pulls a revolver out of his back pocket and spins
the loader to check the bullets. He then points the gun at
Alaska.
Chuck climbs up from the ladder, now behind Morrison, Phil is
behind him.
CHUCK
Then lets give them one, Lance!
Morrison turns around in shock, he drops the gun in surprise
and Alaska quickly reaches out and kicks it off the roof.

10.
MORRISON
Do you really think I expected to
make it out of this alive?
Morrison begins to laugh madly and he looks around him and
surveys the battle below.
MORRISON (CONTD)
This is a little show for the
people in Washington, theyll send
planes, ships and every manner of
hell in the form of military to
your little doorstep. Its too late
to stop it, son, its a-comin and
its a-comin whether you win this
little scuffle or not. Aint that a
kicker for you and youre little -uh -- Friends?
Chuck lunges at Morrison and sinks his teeth into his throat,
he begins to bite him all over and tear into him. Its a blur
of vicious swipes from his bloodied hands and gnashes from
his teeth.
ALASKA
Chuck... No!
Chuck looks up at Alaska, his eyes go from an intense glare
to a sober glance.
ALASKA (CONTD)
We have to show him... That human
or not... Our way still works. That
we arent monsters... Not like him.
Phil inches towards the two and waves awkwardly.
PHIL
But the bite... Hell kinda -- you
know -- turn?
Chuck gets on his knees and looks up at Alaska, nods, and
then back to Phil.
CHUCK
Let him turn. When he wakes up he
wont be one of the people that
army is coming to fight with, hell
be the thing they are sent here to
hunt: One of us. Let him see what
its like on this side of the
fight, let him see what he put
those people down there through.

11.
PHIL
Remind me to never piss you off,
man.
Alaska escapes the ropes binding her and walks over to Chuck,
she helps him up and the three undead walk to the edge of the
roof. Chuck yanks the microphone from the unconscious
Morrison and hands it to Alaska.
CHUCK
Since youre already the voice of
the new world zombie order...
The two share a smile and she grabs Chucks hand with her
free hand.
ALASKA
Undead! Zombies! Walking Dead! Lend
me youe ears, just for a moment,
just -- Listen up!
The zombies below quiet down and fall silent, the soldiers
are hiding in trees, behind pillars of the building below and
on the ground.
ALASKA (CONTD)
Monsters, abominations, horrors -That is what they have called us,
but we are more than that, we are
still people. I was tempted to do
what you are prepared to do right
now.
Alaska closes her eyes and sighs.
ALASKA (CONTD)
To feed, to kill, to spill blood
without end -She looks to Chuck and pauses for a moment, but continues
while looking into his eyes.
But then I
remembered
reason why
even after
beating.

ALASKA (CONTD)
remembered who I was, I
my life... And the
I still could feel alive
my heart stopped

Chuck smiles at her and Phil is behind the two quietly wiping
away tears from his cheek.

12.
ALASKA (CONTD)
I am not asking you to stop
fighting, I am simply asking you to
fight for what is worth fighting
for...
Zombies below begin to join in hands as they listen to Alaska
speaking.
ALASKA (CONTD)
Fight for the person -- zombie -next to you -- Fight for what keeps
you wandering what is left of this
world -- Fight for what keeps you
going...
Chuck kisses her and then she stands up straight.
ALASKA (CONTD)
Fight for love.
EXT. UNIVERISTY - BUILDING - ROOFTOP - DAY
The sun is peaking up over the trees and Chuck and Alaska
still havent stopped holding hands. Phil wraps an arm around
the couple and they both laugh.
CHUCK
There is an army on its way and
its hellbent on wiping each and
every one of us out... Were
dead... But in spite of that, we
are still here... Together.
He smiles and squeezes Alaskas hand tightly, looking at Phil
and then her, before looking at the incoming dawn.
CHUCK (CONTD)
Its going to be a beautiful dawn.
PHIL
Of the dead.
CHUCK
And a new day -PHIL
Of... The dead.
The three start laughing hard, looking at the zombies below
peacefully gathering and standing in their massive numbers.

13.
CHUCK
Here I was trying to be poetic and
impress my girlfriend, and you have
to make it a zombie thing.
Alaska elbows Chuck in the ribs.
ALASKA
Impress me, Chuck Saxet? You went
across a ruined city, fought an
army... An army general... And then
saved me on a rooftop in time for
the sunrise!
Chuck laughs and shrugs.
CHUCK
And they say romance is dead.
PHIL
No bro, its undead... But still so
damn smooth.
Chuck raises his arms in a long yawn and puts one arm around
Alaska and Phil gives him a thumbs up and winks.